Weekend Update on Donald Trump's Executive Orders - SNL

♪♪♪ >>> IT'S "WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH COLIN JOST AND MICHAEL CHE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> WHAT'S UP, EVERYBODY? WELCOME TO "WEEKEND UPDATE." I'M COLIN JOST. >> I'M MICHAEL CHE. >>> DONALD TRUMP HAS SIGNED 18 EXECUTIVE ORDERS IN HIS FIRST 12 DAYS AS PRESIDENT. NOW THAT SOUNDS LIKE A LOT, BUT KEEP IN MIND THAT -- IT IS A LOT. [ LAUGHTER ] EVERYTHING PEOPLE SAID DONALD TRUMP COULDN'T DO, HE JUST DOES. HIS SLOGAN SHOULD HAVE BEEN "YES, WE CAN." YOU CAN'T BAN MUSLIMS. YES, WE CAN. JUST TWO WEEKS AS PRESIDENT AND HE'S PUTTING UP WALLS, HE'S KICKING PEOPLE OUT. TRUMP IS GUT-RENOVATING THE COUNTRY LIKE IT'S A CRACKHOUSE ON "FLIP OR FLOP." [ LAUGHTER ] 18 IN 12 DAYS? I HAVEN'T SEEN THIS MANY EXECUTIVE ORDERS SINCE OBAMA MADE 19 IN 12 DAYS. BUT THAT WAS EIGHT YEARS AGO. BACK THEN IT WAS CRAZY, WE HAD A BLACK PRESIDENT, IT WAS WEIRD. [ LAUGHTER ] EVEN THEN, DONALD TRUMP ACTUALLY CRITICIZED OBAMA FOR SIGNING SO MANY EXECUTIVE ORDERS, BUT THAT'S ONLY BECAUSE DONALD TRUMP DOESN'T LIKE OBAMA. AND WHEN YOU REALLY DON'T LIKE SOMEONE, YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE THEM MAKE ANY DECISIONS, EVEN IF IT'S IN YOUR FAVOR. TRUMP COULD SIGN AN ORDER FOR FREE PIZZA AND PROTESTERS WOULD BE OUTSIDE THE WHITE HOUSE DEMANDING TACOS. [ LAUGHTER ] >>> A FEDERAL JUDGE LAST NIGHT TEMPORARILY BLOCKED PRESIDENT TRUMP'S TRAVEL BAN FROM BEING ENFORCED. BUT TRUMP'S NOT TOO WORRIED ABOUT IT BECAUSE FOR HIM GETTING TEMPORARILY BLOCK THE IS JUST FOREPLAY. [ LAUGHTER ] THE WHITE HOUSE RESPONDED TO CRITICISM OF THE TRAVEL BAN BY SAYING, "THEY'RE NOT BANNING MUSLIMS, THEY'RE JUST BANNING PEOPLE FROM SEVEN MUSLIM MAJORITY NATIONS." WHICH IS SORT OF LIKE SAYING, "WE'RE NOT BANNING WHITE PEOPLE, WE'RE JUST BANNING PEOPLE WHO LOVE 'LA LA LAND.'" [ LAUGHTER ] MAYBE THEY'RE WHITE, WE DON'T KNOW. >> THEY'RE DEFINITELY WHITE. TRUMP SAYS THE BAN IS TO PREVENT RADICAL ISLAMIC TERRORISTS IN AMERICA. FIRST OF ALL, WHAT IS RADICAL ISLAM? THAT'S TOO SUBJECTIVE OF A TERM. I HAVE A MUSLIM FRIEND. HE DOESN'T EAT PORK, AND HE DOESN'T HAVE SEX WITH WHITE WOMEN. NOW, TO ME THAT'S MAD RADICAL. [ LAUGHTER ] BUT HE'S NOT A TERRORIST. TERRORISM IS THE ACTUAL PROBLEM. WHEN YOU ONLY ASSOCIATE TERRORISM WITH ONE RELIGION YOU MAKE THEM SYNONYMOUS. THERE'S 1.7 BILLION MUSLIMS IN THE WORLD. IF YOU THINK 1.7 BILLION PEOPLE ARE ACTIVELY TRYING TO KILL YOU, MAYBE YOU'RE A LITTLE RADICAL. ALSO, HOW ARE WE EVEN SUPPOSED TO FIND TERRORISTS IF THE ONLY THING WE KNOW ABOUT THEM IS THAT THEY'RE ONE OF ALMOST TWO BILLION PEOPLE? I MEAN, THERE'S TWO BILLION PEOPLE THAT DRINK ALCOHOL AND ALCOHOL KILLS LIKE 1,000 TIMES MORE PEOPLE THAN RADICAL ISLAM. BUT THE DIFFERENCE IS, ALCOHOL NEVER HAS A PROBLEM GETTING ON AN AIRPLANE. BECAUSE PEOPLE AREN'T AFRAID OF IT. MEANWHILE, IF YOU GOT ON A PLANE AND SAW A PILOT WEARING A TURBAN YOU'D BE LIKE, "I HOPE HE'S JUST USING THAT THING TO HIDE BOOZE." >>> WHILE APPEARING ON MSNBC, KELLYANNE CONWAY DEFENDED PRESIDENT TRUMP'S TRAVEL BAN BY REFERENCING WHAT SHE CALLED THE BOWLING GREEN MASSACRE, WHICH IS A TERRORIST ATTACK THAT NEVER HAPPENED. [ LAUGHTER ] IN RESPONSE, CONGRESS IMMEDIATELY LAUNCHED AN INVESTIGATION INTO HILLARY CLINTON'S ROLE IN THE BOWLING GREEN MASSACRE. [ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ] >>> IN A PHONE CALL WITH AUSTRALIA'S PRIME MINISTER, PRESIDENT TRUMP CALLED A PLAN TO ACCEPT MORE THAN 1,000 REFUGEES FROM THE COUNTRY "A DUMB DEAL." TRUMP THREATENED TO RETALIATE BY HITTING AUSTRALIA WITH A 20% IMPORT TAX ON HEMSWORTH BROTHERS. >> DONALD TRUMP'S CALL WITH THE AUSTRALIAN PRIME MINISTER GOT SO HEATED, HE HAD TO SEND IN STEVE BANNON TO SMOOTH THINGS OVER WITH THEIR AMBASSADOR. WHAT? [ LAUGHTER ] I MEAN, USING STEVE BANNON TO HELP YOU SMOOTH THINGS OVER? BUT HONESTLY, IF I GOT A CALL FROM AUSTRALIA TELLING ME TO DO SOMETHING I DIDN'T WANT TO DO I'D PROBABLY DO THE SAME THING. IT'S LIKE, IT'S AUSTRALIA, ISN'T IT YESTERDAY THERE? JUST GO THERE TOMORROW, TELL THEM I DIDN'T SAY THAT TODAY. >>> ONE INTERESTING THING RIGHT NOW IS HOW MUCH WE'RE LEARNING ABOUT GOVERNMENT AND THE WORLD FROM TRUMP. LIKE, BEFORE THIS I NEVER KNEW WHO THE PRIME MINISTER OF AUSTRALIA WAS BECAUSE OUR PRESIDENT HAD NEVER HUNG UP ON HIM BEFORE. [ LAUGHTER ] WE'RE LEARNING WHICH MUSLIM COUNTRIES ARE THREATS AND WHICH MUSLIM COUNTRIES HAVE TRUMP HOTELS. [ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] WE'RE EVEN LEARNING ABOUT IMPORTANT HISTORICAL EVENTS THAT NEVER HAPPENED. LIKE THAT DAY THAT WILL LIVE IN INFAMY. FEBRUARY 35th, 1900130. AND WE'RE LEARNING THAT FREDERICK DOUGLASS IS ALIVE AND WELL. [ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ] AND THAT HE'S DOING AN AMAZING JOB AND GETTING RECOGNIZED MORE AND MORE, TRUMP NOTICED. AND WE'RE DEFINITELY LEARNING ABOUT CHECKS AND BALANCES BECAUSE THIS IS ALL BECOMING A DARK, GRITTY REBOOT OF "SCHOOLHOUSE ROCK" WHERE A BILL BECOMES A LAW ON ITS OWN TERMS. [ LAUGHTER ]

Channel: Saturday Night Live

Views: 2,343,821

Keywords: SNL, Saturday Night Live, Season 42, Episode 1717, Kristen Stewart, Weekend Update, Colin Jost, Michael Che, Donald Trump, live, new york, comedy, sketch, funny, hilarious, late night, host, music, guest, laugh, impersonation, episode 13, actress, model, Twilight, Snow White, Lizzie, Bridget Sullivan, Come Swim, St. Vincent, Annie Clark, Alessia Cara, know it all, here, wild things, scars to your beautiful, Moana, how far i’ll go

Id: RD9hzW3_xE8

Length: 5min 13sec (313 seconds)

Published: Sun Feb 05 2017