Hey all, Scott here. Valentine's Day? I'm ready. I've had the exact same holiday tradition since 2003: a bottle of wine and body spray. Now that I'm twenty-two, I'm looking to spice things up a bit. That's right, I'm gonna successfully get laid with a Wii game, which, oddly enough, (bar sounds) It's harder than I thought.... This, right here, is the Nintendo Wii. It had a little something for everybody. Everybody. Because of the varied audience the Wii captured, we got pretty much every type of game you could possibly imagine on this console. Fortune Street, and the rest of them. I mean, the Wii had mature first person shooters, exercise games, dancing games, platformers, role-playing games, f**k games, Sonic... We Dare, by Ubisoft. I heard about this game in 2011. God, that was the year of horny Wii games. The trailer for the game appeared online and it was full of "Augh!" and "What?" and "How much?" Ah, spank with the Wii Remote! I'm sure a lot of Wii developers said "Damnit, and why didn't we think of that?" So, We Dare is a sexy couples' game. There's so much to it. You nudge the Wii Remote with your face, you spank the Wii Remote with your hand, it's flirty fun for all. For all. I mean, it's for players 12 and up, really, anybody from that age forward. I never hear anybody talk about this game, I remember people talking about it when the trailer originally dropped but ever since, nothing. Which is weird, the second Wii game that'll get you laid? That's a huge deal. Well, We Dare caused a bit of controversy. Are you f*ckin' serious?! Well, considering the age rating was the same as Ratchet and Clank, I think some people were a little concerned. Imagine a kid trying to choose between these two. I mean, that trailer man. Ubisoft pulled it from YouTube in the United States and it only got a European and Australian release for the Wii and PlayStation 3 in spring of 2011. It looked like the company was basically ashamed after ads went out for this game, so they distanced themselves as much as they could from here in the States. I'm not sure if a US release was for *sure* for sure ever in the cards, but it for sure for sure never happened. Lucky for me, Ubisoft never accounted for the act of buying a product from Europe off of eBay, my Wii collection finally means something! I only have the Wii version here, I assume it includes all the sex it can. The PlayStation 3 version requires some peripherals, according to the cover. "You'll need these." Hell yeah, you will. Let's not waste any more time. We are officially one disc slot away from me taking my innocence and just f*ckin-- DAH! What do I have to lose other than virginity? Let's play We Dare! (disc read error) Why? Well, the Wii is region-locked. You can only play PAL games on PAL consoles. Now, of course, I suppose you can mod a Wii and find some way to disable the region-lock, but I never took into account that I'm a f*ckin idiot, so instead I bought a European Wii U off of eBay. Now while we wait for that to show up, we can look at the box more! So, We Dare, obviously they were playing off of the Wii name, but only Nintendo can use that in titles, so Ubisoft changed the spelling, and we're all good. It wasn't the first Wii game to do this either, We Ski, We Love Golf, everything these games did was building up to this moment. PEGI 12, huh? Yeah, this was a bit of a controversial rating, especially when the trailer implied... sex, but I suppose the game itself isn't too bad. You can imply sex all you want, We Dare, but as long as your game doesn't say f*ck, we have to let the kids play! Looking at the screenshots, it looks like it's just a sexy WarioWare. So WarioWare. Ooh, but it says it features violence and sex and bad language, I dunno, man, this sounds like my living room is about to be the We Dare trailer! And here it is, I'm the proud owner of a second Wii U. I've had nightmares of this happening. So it didn't come with any cords, I assume I can just use my North American Wii U cables to play this. Europe does have different power outlets and the sort, but what's the worst that can happen? (sounds of fire) I'm okay if things get even worse if it means I can play We Dare. Plugging it in... Oh, thank God. The PAL Wii U: fully functioning. My hormones: (Wii channel jingle) ...fully functioning. Who knew ecstasy had to load? This is We Dare, Scott's very first PAL import! Gotta say, it's pretty surreal to be playing this in Ohio. So I gotta create my own avatars. I can't use your Mii or anything here. Nintendo's pretty picky about what games you could or couldn't use a Mii in. I was so upset when I couldn't use mine in Manhunt, but at least We Dare has their own little fake Mii Maker. No matter what guy I create, they all have this certain level of pudge, and the options aren't too deep. There's not a ton of ways to truly make the character look like yourself, unless you're the Cat in the Hat. Weirdly enough, lots of options if you look like that. After creating something God wished he created, we have to pick one of six personality types. Are we a big shot, some couch potato, yes, a jock? I created some other characters here, including a girl. I named her Impact because I always had a thing for that font. Such a great font, so bold, so fun, always use it when you want attention. I always wished I'd find somebody who was just as iconic as Impact. Yeah, okay, I wanna f*ck a font. Who doesn't? Alright, and on to the game. "Do you want to use the Wii Balance Board?" yes Welcome to the We Dare couch, where innocence leaves the building and this thing now has different connotations. Each player takes a turn picking minigames via giant, fuzzy dice. You click it, it takes us to this 10-second-long loading screen, anybody up for a fun fact? Well, if it's from We Dare, sure! These definitely help lessen the pain that these loading screens take up 40% of playtime. And it's time for the minigame. Oh man, I can't wait to see what this whole sex thing is all about. Did I miss a page...? So, this is a dancing game. I don't know what it wants you to do other than sort of shake your Wii Remote around a bunch because there's no on-screen instructions. They just tell you to mimic your character on screen, you just try to do what your character does, but doing that doesn't really work, just shaking the Wii Remote over and over again does the trick. There are a lot of these dancing games where you just mimic your character's movements. You may ask, "Why not just do a Just Dance format, where they tell you what moves to perform when?" Ubisoft makes both games after all, and-- great question We Dare fans-- see, they do have minigames in here that are like Just Dance. So what's the point of these ones? I'd say half the 40 or so minigames in We Dare are simply dancing games, as some of them are like this, the rest are even worse. Of course, I was asking this, you were asking this, we were all asking this, "Where's the f*cking?!" What the hell is going on here? Look at this trailer. Okay, they get naked! Naked! Now look at the actual game. I've played Mario Party minigames sexier than this! Nothing like a trivia game to get your pants off to. So after every minigame, you get a loading screen and then a question. "Do you think about what you wear?" Look at who you're asking. Another loading screen appears, and we are back where we belong. The next player in line gets to pick the minigame, and we *can* get some suggestive games every now and then. Mechanical bull-riding, sure yeah, I can't imagine a game for kids under 12. Every now and then you have the opportunity to play a one-on-one partner game, and that's where that We Dare magic comes into play. These minigames can be pretty intimate, squeezing your faces together with a Wii Remote between them, just another Wednesday. Eating the apple by hitting buttons with your face can get really competitive playing with the guys. "F*ck you. F*ck you." And the spanking game, where you have to put the Wii Remote in your friend's back pocket and then... rock them back and forth? Where's the spanking game?! That was 20% of why I had bought it! But thankfully, the stripping minigame is still here. That was 40%. Gotta stand on the Wii Balance Board, it'll weigh you and you have to take off as many clothes as you can, and it'll detect if you did or not because technically you're supposed to weigh less. I have a workaround though. Hold melon before, put it away after, easy high score. Got an entire cupboard for my We Dare accessories. Now I'll give We Dare this, some of the minigames are kinda clever. Some of them you have to be blindfolded, and your partner will tell you what to do on screen, there's a charades minigame where the word you have to act out is told to you via the Wii Remote speaker, and if you're feeling particularly groovy, 60 out of the 40 mini-games are dancing-based, and 10% of the game does live up to the "flirty fun for all" tagline. I mean, the loading screens can be pretty kinky. But most of this game is just a simple Wii minigame collection. It would actually be an alright one if the loading screens weren't so abundant. Seriously, you pick a minigame, it loads, game plays for either 20 seconds or like three minutes, minigame ends, loads, asks a pointless question, loads again, repeat. See, just because I'm horny doesn't mean I can't fairly critique a game. The controls are extremely hit or miss, and for a game with this cover, this trailer, and this minigame, the rest of it is extremely tame. It has slightly suggestive minigame descriptions and loading screens, like three minigames that can be considered risqué, that's it. And to my knowledge, you can't spank in this game. It shows it on the back of the box. Ubisoft, thank God, they have a support number to call. Uh-huh. Okay. Okay. Thank you. Apparently, We Dare is considered contraband if played outside of Europe or Australia. If there's a sexier reason to go to prison, I'd like to hear it! Prison was okay, met this guy, Jerry, had a few laughs, palm got stabbed, but being the only person to go to prison for We Dare makes me the most qualified person to have an opinion on We Dare, and my opinion on We Dare... ...is that it needs to learn a certain definition. Lifting isn't spanking!
Seeing a new Scott the Woz episode on a weekday got me more aroused than this game!
Ah Ubisoft, you know Ubisoft? Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six Siege, Imagine Party Babies, We Dare? Yeah that Ubisoft.
That moment when Scott's 2 years younger than me and has his shit way more together.
Wasn't expecting this, season 4 is off to a great start!
“Yeah ok, I wanna fuck a font who doesn’t?”
Me: glances nervously at sans
Stupid sexy Scott
Lifting is not spanking!
Favourite 2 quotes
Now im the proud owner of 2 wii u's i had nightmares of this happening
LIFTING ISNT SPANKING
Wait, if this game was also on PS3, couldn't Scott have just played the PS3 version instead of buying a European Wii U? The PS3 is a region free console.