Biden’s Venmo Revealed, UFOs Definitely Exist & Exclusive Look at The Bachelorette Men

hello everybody i'm jimmy i'm the host of the show thank you for watching i appreciate it hey you know what i'll tell you something it's it's monday it's not so different from most mondays except for one kind of big thing and that big thing is ufos did you see 60 minutes last night i know you're laughing i'm not joking did you see no you didn't watch no i didn't watch that well the truth is not just out there anymore it's here 60 minutes had a story last night in which they interviewed some very credible former pentagon and military officials who had video on eyewitness accounts of objects that fly 13 000 miles per hour they drop 80 000 feet in less than a second they go underwater the government calls them unidentified aerial phenomena uap which just like the cardi b song and they've known about this for a couple of years but they waited until now to talk about it because i guess uh a couple of years ago they would have been too embarrassed if the aliens said take us to your leader they'd be like not a great idea but i can't believe so many people didn't see it i feel like if this story had been on 60 minutes in like 1988 it would be the only thing we talk about for the next 30 years it's would have been the biggest news story of the year now it's like yeah yeah oh yeah i heard that and i also heard bill gates was trying to get freaky with one of his employees right i know so after watching the story and you should if you haven't you almost hope they're visitors from another planet because if china has technology like this we better learn to to speak mandarin like immediately it's i have so many questions i want to know where they come from what kind of engines or fuel propels these things what information what is this information they've been trying to find in hillbilly's butts for all of these years that's what i want to know and poor mike pence is missing all of it this was his shot to suit up in that space force bomber jacket and blast off to the crab nebula and now he's not here so we're not alone by the way we're really not alone because after 14 months of being on our roof our band is back in studio say hello to clito and macletones pluto senior toshi jonathan jimmy earl jeff babco and clino escobedo our band finally back and i'm going to say this there's nothing more rock and roll than being separated by plexiglas dividers you want to give us a little something since you're back let's see come on give us something yeah [Music] all right a little rusty but they'll get the magic back they'll get jonathan you're gonna be i've really been missing the rim shots so i'm gonna need some tonight give us you just wanted to see what it sounded like yeah that's what i like all right that's you know what when you have that you don't even have to be funny you really don't this is funny we learned over the weekend that joe biden had a venmo account i say had because he had delete the venmo account he apparently used it to send money to his granddaughters which is just weird it's weird to hear about a politician using venmo to pay teenagers for something other than sex isn't it [Music] see what i mean buzzfeed did a story about how easy it was for them to find biden's venmo account and there are some interesting transactions they found joseph biden paid shoeless gusts for malarkey paid huck for fixing the doohickey little bebop licorice whips sal's electronics victrola repair uh pigeon bottoms apothecary onto our tooth power and one more i think uh paid angela merkel sorry for the weird hug so i don't know who would have guessed that if somebody said to you what are the odds joe biden has venmo you're like oh there's no way right but this is like finding out the pope wears vr goggles i forgot how scary they are too [Applause] this was uh one notable payment a request biden did not accept you know trump claimed he's going to build a garden of heroes he's going to build statues honoring a bunch of famous people jared googled for him well he announced this just before leaving office and to no one's surprise it isn't going to happen president biden on friday revoked the executive order to build the garden of heroes and of course republican lawmakers are cranking up the fake outrage machine q a lauren bobert of colorado tweeted biden canceled the national guardian of american heroes because he hates america hates our history and is okay with cancel culture tearing down american statues right i'm sure he's very upset about this and that he hates america intensely no site was ever selected for this garden there were no plans nothing was funded by congress it's the quintessential donald trump project no plan no money no promise kept there wasn't even a site picked out for the garden trump basically conceived it and then ditched it all it was like tiffany hey remember um the tiger king joe exotic who is currently in jail you know probably know he requested a pardon from trump trump didn't bite so now he's hoping to get the new president to bail him out he took to twitter to beg for joe biden's help here's how that conversation i'm guessing when at the white house mr president uh joe exotic is asking you for a pardon who's joe exotic the guy from tiger king what's tiger king a show on netflix who's a netflix okay so that's a no then and by the way you know who really deserves the name joe exotic uh this smooth operator right here hey joe erotic of tigers last week you know we're talking about this bengal tiger that was on the loose in houston it is no longer on the loose the wife of this is weird of a prominent local mattress salesman a guy named mattress mack says she had the tiger at a private tennis club she owns this tennis club is licensed to have wild animals i went on their website they have monkeys at this tennis club i don't know if they can go get the balls or what but it's a tennis club with monkeys you better watch out florida because texas is really making a run anyway the tiger is safe and he is in the custody of uh well hpd major offenders commander ron borza has the tiger commander it's been a long week for looking for this guy it really has to be yeah but we got him and he's healthy now i want a tiger now i mean if the idea was to warn people about how dangerous these animals are mission not accomplished at all get me a tiger will you guillermo sure all right time for our big exclusive we the 17th season of the bachelorette starts next month and for the first time ever we got an exclusive look at all the men who will be competing for katie's attention so many shows wanted this uh meet the press face the nation oprah want they were all desperate to get this somehow we got it we managed to rest it away from abc.com and so with a a stack of headshots in hand i gathered my bachelorette crew to go through all the men in this first exclusive look at katie's harem [Applause] [Music] [Applause] cheers everybody oh i can't wait to get into this i know you love this i feel like it's christmas eve are you ready to open the packages can't wait all right we begin with aaron thoughts hundreds of teeth which is what's most important does have a lot of teeth yeah that's probably good he's cute though what does he do he's an insurance agent yeah his biggest fears are rats and saber-toothed tigers it says one of those is extinct so he will sleep easier tonight brendan firefighter trainee from toronto i think his nighttime ritual probably takes way too long yes christian from boston he's a real estate agent he loves parades no who loves parades it's so hard to love a parade yeah it's not the 1930s connor b yes best face of the bunch yes yeah well guess what he's a math teacher oh cute congratulations claims he can eat cereal faster than anyone no without that's what is out that's not something to be proud of no also that's disagreement horrible sound yeah the worst sound you can hear what about this that's bad too right yes yes but guys wait this is he's he's cute he's going he's on top too you just struck him down because i don't need him to eat cereal around us but his face is great and he's a teacher yeah cute top two yeah well this guy with his hair this is gabriel he's an entrepreneur they all are yeah which is french for unemployed yes he believes that people should respect elegant styles of the past which means he's either gay or weird he'll be both right out is what he is yeah yeah he'll be the one everyone hates right yeah yeah yeah garrett is not a fan of tangy foods not think he was bland food who's not a fan of tangy foods i like him garrett's the guy you dance with at a wedding your cousin's wedding i like him at work but i don't want to go to dinner with him he's eliminated a whole category of food that really doesn't even exist it must be i don't know what it is for him i like him i don't okay it's time for a dose of denim here is jeff no jeff is a skin salesman this is weird that's not jeff actually sells artificial skin you know for medical procedures there has to be another phrase than skin sales meant for that jeff calls himself an exceptional lover oh that was a little weird how would you know he doesn't a skin specialist of another kind this is justin he does not like to dance no no what you know i like to dance well we're not looking for a date for you well i'm just judging this through my eyes and i like it when a guy can dance okay all right this is carl he's a motivational speaker oh that's bad that's so scary and they always need the motivation the most yes it's like the hairdressers with the worst hair yeah yeah his nickname is sunshine um is it he oh uh oh he's a proud and loyal belieber oh i am too you know what good eyebrows which is actually my favorite part of the male 1 and he will never ever go baldiest he does have really good eyebrows it's like a kind of a pete sampras john krasinski type thing going there marty is from reno and he's a dancer wait a minute what is that necklace and earring marty brings the party no he doesn't what does that mean that's his wait he says that is he a stranger he's a self-declared tagline marty brings the ball he's very cute but with the jewelry in that line is no the way into marty's heart is the tightest thermal of all time courtney spelled q-u-a-r-t-n-e-y courtney cox spells her name all wrong there's an extra e in there that's true yeah but it's not a cue i mean don't go crazy here's i say he's okay as long as he no longer speaks to his parents [Laughter] his favorite activity is to meet his friends for their brunch and book club and he loves the harmonica so this is the guy i would pick this is my guy do you guys know that jimmy has nine harmonicas in the car and then he also has a thing he wears around his neck and he plays a harmonica while he drives he looks sweet a thing i wear around my neck yeah whatever a necklace bob dylan wears one of those you don't make fun of him what's it for it holds the harmonica it's so i can play the harmonica driving the car [Applause] [Music] people laugh when they drive on andrew s one of his favorite party tricks is imitating accents from around the globe oh he'll be canceled immediately he's very close with his 96 year old grandmother oh now we like him again oh i don't like his turtleneck yeah my 96-year-old grandmother's kind of a this is brandon he's an auto parts manager from queens oh oh my god how is this allowed in queens what happened to queens this is cody he's a zipper sales manager excuse me he's a zipper sales manager bye cody all right connor c former baseball player oh connor c and matthew mcconaughey share birthdays that's not an accomplishment josh he has to sleep on the right side of the bed and he starts celebrating christmas in october no greg dreams of seeing lebron james play basketball in person oh wow if only there was some way to make that dream come true his name's hunter he says he'll never stop believing in romance this you're not gonna like it all i'm gonna predict right off the bat there's no picture of this guy all there is is a box and i guess he considers himself to be a gift to the world to the bachelorette hope there's a gift receipt i hope he's four feet tall i hope he gets out of the box and he's the size of the box and it's the life and he scampers out of the box and we all go crazy well we did it we went through all of them we evaluated them and now i guess only time will tell yeah yes and by the way i just want to say a quick one more toast and thank you all for having your hair done to be here thank you i don't think it went unnoticed you want to hear that noise again oh no please i hate that sound hi i'm jimmy kimmel if you want to see all our latest videos click the subscribe button and if you don't click anyway and close your eyes when they come on

Channel: Jimmy Kimmel Live

Views: 1,061,999

Rating: 4.808847 out of 5

Keywords: jimmy, jimmy kimmel, jimmy kimmel live, late night, talk show, funny, comedic, comedy, clip, comedian, mean tweets, Pandemic, Coronavirus, COVID-19, Social Distancing, Quarantine, Monologue, Monday, UFO, 60 Minutes, Pentagon, UAP, Bill Gates, Show Band, Cleto and the Cletones, Rimshots, Venmo, Joe Biden, Buzzfeed, Donald Trump, Garden of Heroes, Joe Exotic, Tiger King, Pardon, Tiger, Houston

Id: war8Y-gtSQ4

Length: 14min 55sec (895 seconds)

Published: Mon May 17 2021

Reddit Comments

[u/Jesus360noscope]

SO yeah they r really trying hard to have everyone talking about this, wonder where that's going

[u/WeAreNotAlone1947]

When a comedian stops joking about something, shit is getting serious.

[u/senora704]

He talked about it in a more serious manner than majority of the journalist.

[u/Scottstotts8]

He also asked all of his guests if they watched. Also I enjoyed that he was like why is no one talking about this.

[u/mangoo6969]

he seemed genuinely interested in what's going on. The stigma is slowly lifting people!!!!

[u/GiddoGoat]

I hate how the audience laughs at it.

[u/ziplock9000]

We are so programmed that there's a huge section of the human population who will continue to laugh even when an alien visits them for tea. Too many sheep and peer pressure to laugh at stuff like this publicly, but in private they will tell you about a ghost they seem 5 years ago or a tarot card reading they believe.