The Worst Debate Of All Time | Biden: "Challenge Me At The Convention" | Two Competing Virtues

[Applause] welcome one and all ladies and gentlemen to The Late Show I'm your host stepen colar and it is look at that I have missed that it is so good to see you folks I've been off the air for uh two weeks right couple weeks two weeks always a little tough coming back from an extended vacation like that you got to shave off the beard shake off the rust squeeze back into the suit and talk about Joe Biden's debate performance [Applause] [Applause] now before before we get into the jokes and they are jokes I want to be clear from the very beginning what I think about Joe Biden little help I think president has been an amazing president I'm one who believes Joe Biden has been a really fine president I'm convinced that Joe Biden has been a successful President Joe Biden has been a great president yes that so ditto ditto so should he stay should he go who am I to recommend I don't know what's going on in Joe Biden's mind something I apparently have in common with Joe Biden the debate was 11 days ago and everyone's still talking about it and it's a shame because Joe Biden is a great president and in the debate yes he's a great president and in that debate 11 days ago Trump proved once again that he is demonstrably a monster he is a demoner and going to keep in mind keep in mind Joe called for this debate it's the early they've ever had a presidential debate and going into it all Joe had to do was allay people's fears that he was too old but instead Biden's shakiness allowed Trump to get away with 90 minutes of Lies racism and weird golf brags which is why a lot of people are saying this was the worst debate performance of all time but I don't think that's fair I think that Biden debated as well as Abraham Lincoln if you dug him up right now now what makes all of this worse what makes all of this so so painful is how much Biden had been hyping himself up going into the debate his campaign even started selling something called Dark Brandon's secret sauce with the tagline get yourself the same performance enhancers Joe Biden took before going on stage whatever is in dark Brandon's Secret Sauce evidently Joe Biden chose to drink it out of that chalice from Indiana Jones in the Last Crusade he chose poorly now after the debate Biden's team tried to put out the fire with a bucket of gasoline telling reporters that the president's weak performance was because he had a cold oh I hate those summer colds where your voice gets horse and your brain explodes another issue was that during the debate Biden looked uh a little less than fresh but his AIDS had an excuse taking full responsibility for the pale makeup pale makeup you work for Joe Biden why do you even own pale makeup he's already an 81-year-old Irishman he's translucent you staffers could read the New York Times through his skin but I wouldn't recommend it because they're telling him to drop out and they're not alone after the debate tons of people in the media and in his own party have been calling for Biden to drop out so the president huddled with his wife children and grandchildren up at Camp David where they urged him to stay in the race and express interest in getting more involved with the campaign perhaps by talking with influencers on social media Bingo there it is social media Biden just has to go viral which explains his new Middle East peace proposal you got to give it that Hawk to us spit on that thing now did you know it you didn't know you didn't know no okay and with his family behind him it was time for damage control Biden started by holding a meeting with Democratic Governors where he addressed concerns about his health stating he was fine but then adding it's just my brain [Applause] oh good it's just his brain and that sound is just my sphincter clenching so tight I I think I just made a diamond then oh a little just needed a little floor time everybody then then Joe assured the governors that he knows what went wrong saying he needs more sleep yes he is what experts call TI taii I guess you could say he's sleepy [Applause] Joe to keep his energy up Biden told the group that he now plans to stop scheduling events after 8:00 p.m. 8:00 p.m. so the state dinners are all going to be early bird specials Joe Biden is really going to go to bed before tracker tracker he'll find a candidate also I might lie down again that felt good look nice also which 8:00 P.M sir East Coast West Coast Moscow the world does not stop at 8:00 p.m. Miss kamla Harris going to have to clock in as night president by the way coming this fall from CBS night president she keeps America safe after Dark not to be confused with KN president starring Tom cich as president Lancelot I would watch that I would watch that in a minute on Friday Biden tried to ease voters concerns about his age by doing a Prime Time interview with George Stephanopoulos and to look healthier Biden turned his bronzer up to HoneyBaked Stephanopoulos asked the debate performance asked was the debate performance uh what you call it a one-off was this a bad episode or the sign of a more serious condition it's a bad episode wrong when Gray's Anatomy did a musical that was a bad episode okay this took a year off my life George then asked Biden about the worst case scenario if you stay in and Trump is elected and everything you're warning about comes to pass how will you feel in January I feel as long as I gave it my all and I did the goodest job as I know I can do that's what this is about actually I don't think that's what this is about I think that's what the karate kid was about this is about democracy and nuclear war and you know that stuff now you might have noticed if you're a keen-eyed viewer that uh there was a part there where the leader of the Free World uh said the word goodest but according to the White House no he didn't they demanded that ABC News changed the transcript to read I did the good ass job as I know I can do that correction makes even less sense I'd like to know how that phone call went excuse me the president of the United States never said goodest and I demand that you fix this the possible as soon so seems like Joe is staying in the race today the president proved his resolve by sending his doubters in Congress a letter yes a letter and if that doesn't work he's going to follow up with a strongly worded telegram I'm not going to stop stop so stop stop ask your grandparents how telegraphs work no no I'm just saying it just occurs to me now in the letter Joe acknowledged that folks are worried writing I have heard the concerns that people have I not blind to them that's right Biden is staring right at the concerns with both eyes opened can we see what that looks like yes here's the thing three months ago at Radio City for this this big benefit I interviewed Joe Biden on stage that night he seemed ancient but cogent but our politics have become so weird I don't know what's the right thing to do here and I think that this is actually a battle of two virtues ues one of them is perseverance Biden is famous for that here he is in North Carolina after the debate when you get knocked down you get back up obviously quoting Founding Father General chubba WBA and yes you fall down you get back up that's what you do and we all know no matter how old you get you always get back up again I mean remember the commercial I've fallen Now give me the nuclear codes [Applause] now the competing virtue here there's another competing virtue and that is self-sacrifice and self-sacrifice takes a particular kind of courage and that is a courage I believe Joe Biden is capable of I believe he's a good enough man he is a good enough president to put the needs of the country ahead of the needs of his ego and however painful that might be it is possible handing leadership to a younger generation is the right thing for the greater goodest or good ass either one we've got a goodest show for you tonight my guests are Michael Douglas and CNN's Abby Phillip but when we come back we have puppies real puppies stick around [Music] [Applause] [Music]

Channel: The Late Show with Stephen Colbert

Views: 1,549,333

Keywords: The Late Show, Late Show, Stephen Colbert, Steven Colbert, Colbert, celebrity, celeb, celebrities, late night, talk show, comedian, comedy, CBS, joke, jokes, funny, funny video, funny videos, humor, hollywood, famous

Id: MF5pcrdvnSQ

Length: 11min 36sec (696 seconds)

Published: Tue Jul 09 2024