Bob: What's up Wade. We teammates. Wade: Yeah, we gonna win Mark: Hi Jack! You're on my team. You happy? Jack: YEAH! W: Welcome to the big shot Bob. M: We're gonna win. They need to really concentrate on this tiny map M: Hmm, okay the evidence points towards a jar of pickles somewhere W: Guilty M: Smells fresh like Bob. M: Oh yeah. J: There's a trail , follow the trail! M: There is a trail. I can't believe it. Woah! That jar was moving. J: There's an egg under the couch. M: Is there? M: What does an egg mean? J: Okay, it was a little fried egg under the couch it wasn't one of them. B: It was just an egg hanging out. Don't worry about it man. W: It's good to know that exists though B: Leave my egg alone! M: Alrighty then. J: This dude just has the whites of his eyes showing, he's dead M: Wait. Oh GOD! He hit the vape too hard M: Kids, this guy smoked one vape and he's DEAD! This could happen to YOU! J: This whole level's just a PSA. J: "Don't vape" B: He tried vaping once and he died! J: This guy exploded when he- M: Oh my GOD no W: He didn't have the food he needed M: Wait, uh, Jack that door just opened.That door opened and closeded. Did you open that? J: No, I want to see uh- knock knock? J: Ocupado? J: There a penis under it! M: Which one of you is the penis? B: I wanna see- M: WHAT?! J: There's a straight cock and balls right here M: Hey wait. Look at the wall. Are you seeing the shadow, the puppet show I got for you? J: No? Oh haha B: Oh my God, I can see it a little bit on my side of the wall- M: Can you go find me a donut? I need to have an anatomical lesson. J: There's a big Mac box. That's the best I can do. M: That's not going to get this video demonetized. Come on, I need to reach new levels B: Yeah, you need to go edgier. Okay? M: Yeah. Hello? B/J: Hi B: Wait, hang on! M: We got Doritos on the run! *gunshots* B: Oh I was trying to become the cigarettes now I'm stuck. J: Fuck you J: Got 'em! M: Here you go. W: I just wanted to come see the shadow puppets B: Why are you coughing Jack? You vape too hard? M: Yeah J: Dude *cough* too much Nashe M: Didn't you see the PSA, man? You can't do that. J: Okay. J: Oh yes! Okay, never mind. I win. M: All right bad news guys. I don't think you can become the dick. B: It's got to be possible. That's why it exists. W: I never saw the penis. W: I don't know if I want to see the penis M: All right, I've screwed myself a little bit J: Yeah, you're fucked M: You don't know that J: I win by default because it broke the map. Oh, we just missed 4:20 on the time. B: Oh damn, dude J: Come on guys! M: We'll catch it on the next pass around W: There's definitely just a penis there J: You've seen the majestic peen? M: You guys gonna do a- W: We saw. We saw the peen. B: Wow you really you really can do like a puppet show too B: Ready for this? W: I don't think I'm ready for this B: Wade put your face shadow right there J: Oh I get it B: Wait, the hole in the front of your face looks kind of like the right shape. Can you stand- B: Can you look at the wall for me? Just look over there J: It's gonna look like dick sucking mouth B: No, Wade, no. Come back W: No get out of my face Bob! B: Wade come back! W: I don't want your penis! B: Wait look just listen J: I just saw you, like, walk off frame chasing him with a dick B: How do you like that? B: Huh? How do you like that? W: I don't like it! M: No, I just want to see the puppet show! W: Oh yeah so did I! M: No you didn't J: You saw the puppet show M: I gave him the slip M: I gave him the slippy dip J: You gave him the slide. W: Why is there a penis out here? Bob! B: What? J: Don't throw your dick around B: It's mine. W: Where'd you go Mark? M: I went everywhere J: I picked it up out of frame- W: Gross! W: I don't need to know about that M: NO! M: I'm stuck. He tried to drink me! B: He was literally sitting behind the couch, Wade J: Hey, Mark how am I doing? M: Whoa, what the hell? I don't even know where you- OH J: I told you I broke the map M: Are you there? *high-pitched voice* Are you were I think you are? Oh? B: What the fuck are you this? J: I don't know where you are so no. B: Are you the can in the rafter? J: I'm in the room with the two couches with the dudes sitting opposite each other. J: Well the other one is like that as well J: The one Wade's in. M: Yeah I'm not a hundred percent sure what you are, but I know where you are. J: I'll let you know that you guys what I am, but you have to tell me how good my spot is J: And if it's really good. I'm allowed auto win, okay? B: Okay. J: Can you see me? I'm jumping. M: Oh I see you. M: I've got you J: Come to the shelves in the corner M: Ah that's pretty- I don't know W: Bob, do you see this when I'm up in the top? B: No, I can't actually see you, you sink into the shelf M: Yeah J: Right M: A tiny sliver of Toblerone B: I mean, I guess it is technically visible, so whatever M: Jesus B: Jack wins J: I said if it was really good you had to kill yourself and I win B: That's the deal M: Wade, obey the rules J: You can't even kill yourself properly, Wade. W: I'm trying B: That's a pretty pro spot. I liked it J: I found that by accident. M: Hey. Can you guys become the taser? J: Oh wait for it- J: 4:20!!!! M: Yeah, man M: Yeah. Sir, give me one vape, please J: Can I have one 420 weed, please. M: Can I- hey vapes not about weed man. It's not about weed J: I think he's been smoking too much of the product M: Yeah, wait are his eyes even open? J: I saw that whoever you are. You jar of pickles M: Excuse me M: Sir? J: Sir, you have some ketchup on your head. B: Hey guys. How's it going? M: We're dealing with something J: We're so incognito M: Did you shoot him in the head?! J: NO W: Can somebody help me? I think- I think- I think Jim's in bad shape. M: I think I know why he's not really here cuz they've got a giant hole in the front of his head. W: Jim! J: He wasn't there to begin with W: He was my bald brother! M: Alright then W: I'm not saying this because of me in real life, I'm saying this because of me in the game M: OH MY GOD J: Did you see what happened to your other brother in this room? M: Jim! What happened here? W: All of a sudden I'm realizing it's just not worth it. You can put me down. M: What? No, I don't think so. We can still save him. We just got to get more weeds in him. B: I'm just gonna hang out by myself, I guess. M: Wait, no, hang on wait, wait. M: Where's that penis J: Where's the peen M: There it is okay hang on. wait. W: I can save your brother! M: Get outa my way M: Oh you can become the dick? B: Wait, can you? M: Wade- Wade just B: Oh my God Wade is the dick! M: Wade just assumed his true form and then ran off J: I was just about to make that joke M: Oh sorry lol J: It's on his head! He's a dickhead! B: Lemme do it B: Oh God! Oh no! J: Your boober was too big B: I'm stuck. Oh my God I'm so veiny B: I'm so veiny W: We are such children J: That's why there's not blood on his head B: Have you ever had a conversation with a dick before? B: Boys, listen. Gentlemen, let's talk about this B: You wouldn't hit a dick with glasses on would you? M: Don't point your balls at me like that J: Tell us some dick jokes B: Dick jokes, huh? B: What's the difference between an erection and a dog? J: I can walk the dog...? B: You have to kill the dog before you bury it B: Too far? J: You can live from that one M: Sorry, I had a different opinion about that B: Tough crowd, tough crowd. B: That's a euphemism for sex, right? B: You bury a bone or something? M: Maybe? B: Really just tried to work in a killing the dog joke because I know how popular those jokes are these days B: Everyone's gonna love that shit. M: I've goofed real bad. J: Yeah, you can't- you can't do that. M: No, no I can see I did it. J: Perfect! M: No one will know J: Nailed it M: No one will know B: If I find you, I'm not gonna kill you. I'm just gonna taze you okay? M: Alright. Okay. Alright then. M: Not unless I taze you first! J: We should have a rule on this map: no grenades cuz it's just overkill. B: Cuz you can just take out half the map J: Yeah, exactly. M: Wait. Wade, what are ya looking at? W: Ya know... W: ...something. Hey Bob wanna see something cool? B: No M: What...? W: It's in between the table in the couch right here W: There's something right between this end table and the couch? M: Someone dropped the tazer B: No that was mine. I brought- I brought that in here. M: What?! M: Fuckin double kill W: I didn't mean to kill you both B: Wow J: I only came over to see what you were looking at W: I was trying to shoot Mark, but I guess the shotgun- M: You just peaked your head out right in time to catch a face full of shotgun M: *Patrick Warburton voice* Anybody want some bread? I got some bread there. M: *PW voice* Pickles? J: Thanks Patrick M: *PW voice* More pickles B: Patrick Warburton? J: Patrick Warburton. J: He's gonna be a bag of Doritos back here? B: *attempted PW voice* Hey Izma M: *PW voice* Tell me there's an eater in here B: Peter eater? B: You gotta Peter eater? J: Somebody's just a bag of Doritos behind the toilet. M: *PW voice* You gotta eater those Doritos M: *Patrick Warburton voice* Peter B: Why are you horny, Patrick Warburton? J: Why are you squatting everywhere? M: *PW voice* Patrick Warburton's gotta squat B: I just saw Wade come screaming M: You're being made a fool of J: I'm not even trying to shoot him, I just wanna know what he is W: You shot your wife on the phone. M: Did they up the shotgun cuz holy shit. It's like it do it again B: What could I give you that would not just instantly give me away? M: No, no, no, we got this. We can do this. You can do this. W: The odds and are not ever in your favor M: No, no no, no. M: I don't know about you, but I'm a pro level Prop Hunter J: I am a level 10 Prop Hunter B: Do you have the goggles of seeing? J: I am a level 4- B: Plus 10 against props M: That was weird M: For some reason there was a turd inside one of these end tables that I thought that was him B: All right, I am the same color as a turd W: Ooh, that's a clue B: I'm not only one color, but I am mostly the same color as a turd, but I'm not a turd B: And you know you don't shit me out, but you may be able to shatter me B: You bitch M: I don't know- B: I was sit into open you fuckers J: Where the fuck am I? W: I saw you. J: Oh shit. W: I saw you peeking your head out, Jack J: Where the fuck are we? W: We're in some kind of laundry chute with a dead body, I didn't know existed J: Is that a door? W: Yeah, I can't open it though. Can you open it? M: The hell are you guys talking about? B: Oh my God, you can go over there? M: Wait. I'm curious. I'm curious. I'm curious B: Holy shit. Hey what's up M: What?! M: Let's just go explore guys this is important. B: Mark, you're like a grilled cheese. M: I am bread lol M: Oh, there is a dead body here J: Yeah, so you can't open the store because there's nothing behind it W: All right, well that was a good time. Oh, my bad Mark. You need to go around me, yeah? M: Yeah, if you could just let me, uh, let me slide on by W: Go ahead B: We should just hang out with our friends, and- oh did you let him by? W: Yeah, they left M: Count to ten, count to ten M: Wait, there we go. Perfect. M: No one will ever find me M: No one will ever know B: I'm never going to get tired of this dick. I'm just gonna bing the dick back out B: Dick, come back M: I've got rotation lock enabled. M: There's no way he can find me it just won't work. W: Bob do you think there is any chance you can find Mark? B: Um...is he this dick? W: I don't know what you're trying to say about our friendship J: You can't see beyond the dick in your face B: Let's see if we can- oh fuck, oh jeez W: Let's see if we can use detector to find Mark B: That's a good idea B: *Slurpy noises* W: Oh no J: Ewww *slurping intensifies* B: I think I found Mark B: I think I found Mark I just blew my load all over this piece of bread. That must be Mark. B: Hey buddy M: Aw shit you got me *Mark's lame-ass outro music*
Man, the "Mark looks tired" comments really hit home for me in this one. So tired-appearing that I wondered if he was drunk. He seems to be having fun for sure, but also like he needs sleep. (Or maybe I'm just projecting my own current sleep-dep onto the video...)