This Day in SNL History: Diner Lobster

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He and Jost writing together is always gold!

👍︎︎ 11 👤︎︎ u/tamaletorment 📅︎︎ Jul 01 2020 🗫︎ replies

That might be my favourite sketch of all time. Milanese + Les Mis is so inspired

👍︎︎ 5 👤︎︎ u/TheseWereThePlaces 📅︎︎ Jul 01 2020 🗫︎ replies

Airport Sushi has too many coronavirus references. It isn’t going to age well.

👍︎︎ 2 👤︎︎ u/j_schmotzenberg 📅︎︎ Jul 01 2020 🗫︎ replies
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♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ [ Cheers and applause ] -Did you two order yet? -No. -Did you two carve gang signs into the baby changing station? -Yeah. -Yeah. -All right, what do you want to eat? -Uh, yeah. I'll have a grilled cheese deluxe, and could I get a salad instead of the fries, please? -Yeah. Sure thing -- one grilled cheese, vagina-style. Great, how about you, pal? -You know what? I'll have the lobster. [ Dramatic music plays ] -Excuse me? -The lobster special. -Did you just order lobster in a diner? -Yeah, why? -Because it's a diner! No one orders a lobster in a diner. The whole seafood section is there on the menu as a joke, man. I mean, seafood! The word "seafood" is in quotes! -I'm in the mood for lobster, okay? I won my lawsuit against Bumble for getting zero matches, and I want to celebrate! -But the lobster, you're sure that you -- you want the lobster? -I don't see what the big deal is. It's on the menu. Like, I'll have the damn lobster. -Just don't do it. -As you wish. All right, everyone, the time has come. We've got an order here for one lobster! [ Intro to "Who Am I?" from Les Misérables plays ] [ Laughter ] ♪♪ ♪ Who am I? ♪ ♪ And why am I condemned to boil alive? ♪ ♪ When all that I have done is live my life? ♪ -♪ And why would someone on a whim ♪ ♪ Choose from all to order him ♪ ♪ Who's this guy? ♪ ♪ I thought that there was an unspoken rule ♪ ♪ That lobster in a diner's never cool ♪ ♪♪ ♪ A diner menu's way too long ♪ ♪ And half the things are fake or wrong ♪ -♪ Must he die? ♪ ♪ How can you ever face his lobster friends? ♪ ♪ How can you ever face yourself again? ♪ Monster! ♪ I've lived here 40 years, I know ♪ ♪ An age that lobsters never grow ♪ ♪ And in that time, there's been no one ♪ ♪ To order any crustaceans ♪ ♪ Who am I? ♪ -♪ Lobster Number One! ♪ [ Cheers and applause ] -I mean... I mean, you can't eat the lobster now, man! They just sang "Les Mis," bro! -I'm sorry, dude. I'm more of a "Mean Girls" guy... on Broadway now! [ Laughter ] -Wait, what's happening right now? -Papa? -[ Gasps ] [ Laughter ] -Clawsette! Oh, what are you doing here? -There's something I've wanted to tell you, Papa. [ Intro to "Castle on a Cloud" plays ] ♪ Papa, I've heard they want you dead ♪ ♪ Let me go in your place instead ♪ ♪ Whether it's boiled, steamed, or fried ♪ ♪ Up to the great tank in the sky ♪ [ Laughter ] -No! Clawsette, I can't let you do that! It's not your time! It's mine! -[ Voice breaking ] I love you, Papa. -Oh, I love you, too! Now, run! Run from this place! -Oh! [ Laughter ] -Dude, the -- the little baby lobster! Just order something else! -Hey, they put it on the menu. I'm calling their bluff. -Form the barricade! -Form the barricade! -Wait, there's a barricade? [ Intro to "Do You Hear the People Sing?" plays ] -Wow, this diner has incredible set design! [ Laughter ] -♪ Will you join in our crusade ♪ ♪ To keep this lobster from his pot? ♪ -♪ Will you drop the masquerade ♪ ♪ And give our BLT a shot? ♪ -♪ Then join in the fight ♪ ♪ That would give us the right to be free ♪ [ Cheers and applause ] -All right, all right, all right. Forget the lobster, I'll have the veal instead. -Yay! -Yay! -All right, everybody, let's go kill that baby cow! -Yeah! -Yeah! [ Film projector clicking ] -Yo, just the Skittles, and do you have a bottle of water? -Uh, sure. You want it super-hot or solid block of ice? -Never mind. Never mind. -Hey, man, uh, do you have a bathroom? [ Dramatic music plays ] -A what? -A -- A bathroom. Like, a bathroom I could use. -Uh, dude, did you just ask to use a bathroom in bodega? -I mean, what? Who cares, it's an emergency. [ Chain rattles ] -Would you like the key to the bathroom? -Charlie, if you do this, I don't think we can be friends anymore, man. -Dude, relax. It's just a bathroom. I'm sure it's fine. -It's a cinder block, bro. -And so it shall be. Oh, Bodega Cat, show this man to the bathroom. [ Intro to "Pure Imagination" from "Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory" plays ] -Make a wish. Hold your breath. ♪ Come with me and you'll be ♪ ♪ In a world of zero sanitation ♪ ♪ Close your eyes and avoid inhalation ♪ -♪ If you want to view parasites ♪ ♪ Take a look around and view them ♪ ♪ All the sticky stuff is fluids ♪ ♪ Want to know for sure, put a black light to it ♪ [ Audience laughs, groans ] -Oh, my God! -That's right. You're the first person to use this bathroom that's not a dog giving birth. -What kind of creep would let a bathroom get like this? -I did! [ Intro to "The Candy Man" plays ] -♪ Who can sell you condoms ♪ ♪ And AriZona Iced Tea ♪ ♪ Luci cigarettes and plantain chips? ♪ -♪ The Bodega Man can ♪ ♪ Oh, the Bodega Man can ♪ -♪ The Bodega Man can 'cause he mixes lots of pills ♪ ♪ And calls them Tiger sex pills ♪ -♪ Who can make a rainbow ♪ ♪ With cans of Goya beans? ♪ -♪ The Oreos are Russian and the ATMs Chinese ♪ -♪ The Bodega Man can ♪ ♪ Oh, the Bodega Man can ♪ -Enough! The child is mine! He took the key, and now he must pay the ultimate price! -I'm sorry, my son. I cannot protect you any longer. -Oh, come on. Feed me, Seymour! Feed me! -Stop! -Bodega Virgin Mary Candle? -That's right. If no one else will protect the boy, then I will. [ "Memory" from "Cats" plays ] And I hope that someday we can erase... ♪ The memory, oh, this horrible memory ♪ ♪ When he needed a toilet ♪ ♪ In a moment of shame ♪ -♪ If you touch me, you'll understand what unhappiness is ♪ ♪ Your worst day has begun ♪ [ Dramatic music plays ] -[ Clears throat ] -Well, that was both beautiful and disgusting. Uh, I think I learned my lesson. -Not yet, you haven't. [ Intro to "Oompa Loompa" plays ] -♪ Oompa-Loompa doopity doo ♪ ♪ We've got a troubling bathroom for you ♪ ♪ Oompa-Loompa doopity dee ♪ ♪ We got an F from the CDC ♪ -♪ What do you get when you sit on that seat? ♪ -♪ Swine, HPV, and a wave of heat ♪ -♪ Where are you at getting desperate like that? ♪ -♪ The sink is a swimming pool for rats ♪ -♪ I don't like the looks of it ♪ -Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You got Oompa-Loompas in your bodega? -Oh, no, those are just sour patch kids that have been in the store so long, they came to life. -Hey, listen, here's your key back, mister. I decided not to use the bathroom. No, Charlie, don't you see? It's all yours now. The bathroom, the bodega, I'm leaving all of it to you. You passed the test. -But what will I do with it? -It's a bodega, Charlie. The possibilities are endless! Because there's... [ Intro to "Seasons of Love" from "Rent" plays ] ♪ 525,600 items ♪ -♪ 525,000 unrelated things ♪ ♪ 525,000 flavors of ramen ♪ ♪ How can we sell you one loose beer? ♪ ♪ There's shampoo and hot-dogs ♪ ♪ And the worst-ever cup of coffee ♪ ♪ And tampons on the top shelf ♪ -♪ Why are they there? ♪ ♪ There's a guy who doesn't work here ♪ ♪ Just sitting and watching soccer ♪ ♪ And chargers ♪ -♪ But they're only for an iPhone 3 ♪ -♪ Just unwrapped flan ♪ -All right, I've decided to drop out of NYU and run the bodega full-time! -Yeah! -Yeah! -♪ Bodega of love ♪ ♪ Bodega of love ♪ -Yeah, I'll get this Chobani yogurt with no spoon to eat it with, please. -Yeah, and I'd like a bottle of water that will roll to the back of the plane as soon as we take off. -All right. A $15 Dasani water, extra plastic. -And, you know what, I will grab, uh, this sushi, too. [ Dramatic music plays ] -I'm sorry? -This, uh, sushi, you know, the spicy tuna roll that sitting in the display case next to the ham and cheese panini. [ Dramatic music plays ] -You're s-sure you want to eat the sushi? -You're buying sushi at LaGuardia Airport? Have you lost your damn mind? -Well, I want a nice balance of carbs and protein. Just sell me the sushi, man. [ Dramatic music plays ] -Your wish is my command, Ke-mo sah-bee. Oh, Phantom of LaGuardia? Why don't you tell this fine young man how he'll feel after he eats our sushi? [ Intro to "The Phantom of the Opera" plays ] ♪♪ ♪ In dreams it's haunting you, that fish you ate ♪ ♪ The expiration date is in '1-8 ♪ ♪ and still you're choosing it as food for a plane ♪ ♪ The phantom of the bathroom is there ♪ ♪ It smells insane ♪ -♪ I am the sushi chef that made that roll ♪ ♪ The fish inside of it crawled out a hole ♪ ♪ Yet you're consuming it, this great mistake! ♪ ♪ You'd honestly be so much better off ♪ ♪ Eating a Wuhan snake ♪ [ Audience laughs, groans ] -Is he supposed to be a pigeon? No, he's one of the geese that took down Sully's plane. [ Laughter ] -Miracle on the Hudson? More like massacre in the sky! [ Groans ] -And there's just a bird loose in the terminal? -Of course there is. Haven't you been to LaGuardia before? [ Intro to "America" from "West Side Story" plays ] ♪ I like to wait at LaGuardia ♪ ♪ Lots of delays at LaGuardia ♪ ♪ Too small for planes at LaGuardia ♪ -♪ Watched a man die at LaGuardia ♪ ♪♪ ♪ Baggage claim carousels cling, clang ♪ -♪ Outlets are there for a cool prank ♪ -Ha-ha! ♪ Loose wires hang from the ceiling ♪ ♪ Gives you a skanky old feeling ♪ ♪ I like to be at LaGuardia ♪ ♪ It's hard to breathe at LaGuardia ♪ ♪ We have Hep C at LaGuardia ♪ ♪ Who can you blame for LaGuardia? ♪ -I'll tell you who you can blame. -Auntie Orphan Annie? [ Laughter ] [ Intro to "Tomorrow" from "Annie" plays ] -♪ When anything's bad, De Blasio ♪ ♪ Throw your hands up and say "De Blasio ♪ ♪ You ought to feel ashamed" ♪ ♪ I know some of it was Mike Bloomberg ♪ ♪ But it still feels like De Blasio is to blame ♪ -♪ Why are there five planes on the tarmac? ♪ -♪ But the taxis must stay three miles away? ♪ -♪ De Blasio, De Blasio ♪ ♪ The cops hate De Blasio ♪ ♪ He'll keep them a song away ♪ -[ Gasps ] And look, here comes a crying baby about to board a transcontinental flight. [ Intro to "Cool" from "West Side Story" plays ] -♪ Goo, gah, goo-goo, gah ♪ ♪ I'll scream and cry, boy ♪ ♪ Got a striper in my diaper ♪ ♪ Ew, it's stinky stool, boy! ♪ -Just play it cool, unaccompanied baby. Real cool. -If my parents are looking for me, which they're not, I'll be in the kids play ground that's also a pet-relief area. [ Laughs ] -Wow! That let a baby through security. -Did someone say security? [ Cheers and applause ] -Hello, Guy Who Travels in Pajamas. -That's right. I dress so that TSA can have easy access to my body. [ Intro to "Defying Gravity" from "Wicked" plays ] ♪ So if you care to search me, I'll spread my legs real wide ♪ ♪ I'll even bend over for you ♪ ♪ You can take a peek inside ♪ ♪ You can tell that I enjoy security ♪ ♪ You can search way up in my cavity ♪ ♪ You can pat me down ♪ ♪ You don't have to use the front of your hands ♪ -Okay, Jesus, we get it. You can continue on to Cleveland now. -How did you know I was going to Cleveland? That's where everyone at LaGuardia is going, like it or not. -♪ Aaaaaaaaaah ♪ [ Cheers and applause ] -Attention, we have a gate change for passengers going to Cleveland. Your old gate was A-7. Your new gate is G-46. It is physically impossible for you to make it to that gate in time and the plane will leave empty. Thank you. -Man, I told you we should have left out of JFK. -[ Chuckles ] And I guess I should have stayed home. -Aah! -Oh, relax! I'm not sick. I'm just a... [ "Suddenly Seymour" plays ] ♪ Profiled Asian ♪ ♪ Standing beside you ♪ ♪ If I cough, then it's over ♪ ♪ You'll get off the plane ♪ ♪ Profiled Asian ♪ ♪ No, I wasn't in "Parasite" ♪ ♪ I know the virus is bad, but ♪ ♪ It's coming from Italy, too ♪ -Man, this airport is its own world. -Yes, a third world. -And if you stay here long enough... And if you stay here long enough, you will learn the mysteries of LaGuardia. -Why, it's the baggage handler who tosses everyone's suitcases into Long Island Sound. -That's right. And you should know that... [ Intro to "Road to Nowhere" by Talking Heads plays ] -♪ We're on a plane to nowhere ♪ ♪ Come on in inside ♪ ♪ They say it's about to take off ♪ ♪ That is a lie ♪ ♪ Sure, it will start to taxi ♪ ♪ But then it comes back ♪ ♪ We're on a road to a motel overnight ♪ ♪ Where's my flight? ♪ ♪♪ [ Cheers and applause ]
Info
Channel: Saturday Night Live
Views: 2,955,585
Rating: 4.9361744 out of 5
Keywords: diner lobster, snl diner lobster, snl musical, john mulaney, john mulaney snl, saturday night live john mulaney, saturday night live diner lobster, les misérables, kenan thompson snl, kenan thompson lobster, lobstersnl sketch, diner lobster snl sketch, pete davidson, chris redd, live, new york, comedy, sketch, funny, hilarious, late night, host, music, guest, laugh, impersonation
Id: qOGRgk_JciE
Channel Id: undefined
Length: 19min 20sec (1160 seconds)
Published: Tue Apr 14 2020
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