snl is kinda dark and twisted sometimes (part 2)

what is wrong with dania [Music] mary jo beth jojo tanya you've been going to those parties where girls do oral sex for bracelets that's right that's right she goes those parties which are a real thing good work mary jo you want a volvo filled with groceries it's your old pal mr robinson so much has changed since we last spent some time together my neighborhood has gone through so much it's gone through something called gentrification it's like a magic trick white people pay a lot of money and then poof all the black people are gone but where do they go boys and girls back to where they come from of course atlanta as gerald reached breeding age he became less focused uh agitated his natural drive was distracting him from our work you know when a dolphin reaches sexual maturity there's no stopping them and then one day i was in the water with gerald when he got that glassy look in his eye that meant he was having an urge so to speak and so i turned to mary and i said uh why don't i just yank them off real quick just like that hey how are you guys tonight we're great this place is so peaceful you must love living here oh it's peaceful it's peaceful here in your ocean front resort because my brother and i here live 15 miles inland yeah there's a rusty pickup truck with weeds growing out of it yeah that's our house so since you're holding a detached but animated head do you ever use it like to you know to what do you do you use this you know like on yourself you want to come visit it's real easy to get to you just drive through the shanny town make it right at the meth lab and you'll see a 15 year old girl who got pregnant by an out of businessman then ask for her brother that's me oh hi well it's that time again everybody it's easter let's see what's in our easter basket this this is a plush bunny rabbit i call him glenny after glenn close [Music] what what on earth are you talking about no it's it's okay look i've been trying to do it to myself with my regular attached head i tried yoga and i tried stretching i even had the town doctor remove two of my ribs oh that's disgusting oh says the man holding a severed head don't tell me it never crossed your mind look how you're holding the head the mouth is already like right there let's meet today's contestants hey there aren't you a cutie pie thanks what's your name vicky oh and how old are you vicky i'm 10. oh you're getting all grown up aren't you sure i am well i wish you a lot of luck in today's game thank you [Music] honestly i've never thought about it well it would have been my first thought right after oh my god they chopped off my head i would have pivoted to her possible silver lining here it's like they always say when life hands you a severed head you put the mouth on your dingus now it's just me by myself now y'all probably wondering how mr robinson can afford to live in this fancy neighborhood well that's the word of the day squad is right it's like finest keepers but for other people's houses all right let's move on to our next contestant hi there what's your name sandy sandy well now that's a very pretty name how old are you sandy i'm 11. oh 11 so you're just a little bit older than the other girl here huh give me a kiss oh you made my day sandy tanya your english teacher caught you cheating so he made you take naked pictures and now they're online and it's given you an eating disorder and also you can't read [Laughter] all right you're in the lead with five fleece ponchos for jogging oh look here this is a cadbury egg i gave these up for lent last year you know what i gave up this year cocaine almost i came as soon as i could oh how brave you came to rescue me william no i wanted to ask the horseman some questions to you know on yourself all right he already has that great mind yeah hey follow up to my thing do you like most men in our era have you know false removable teeth because that could feel really good if you got i have real feet ah bummer way to express your feelings than hallmark because every mother is special but your mother is most special of all because it's you in a dress introducing the hallmark mother collection for weirdos [Music] because you're not just a good son you're also a wonderful mother next up we have roger can i have a kiss yeah my my my what a great group we have today can i have another kiss yeah [Applause] at first i wasn't sure it was ethical but we had to for the science so i did it hey right away you know it was clear as a bell and we were able to quickly get back to our work yeah and so it became part of our routine you know we would work a while yank a while work a while yank a while and then a tug or two and then teach a dolphin to speak look at this santa what's this little turkey doing in here we got a word for you attention hi guys i'm um my name is roy and uh i um and for the most evil invention in the world contest i invented a uh child molesting robots it's damian and mika from 7f damian and mika are my new neighbors they paid 1.2 million dollars for an apartment where mr robinson's friend frankie used to cook crack could you could you tilt the head so that you can make eye contact like if someone wanted that i mean no i mean yes but why would anyone want that no personal connection oh power power for me and for our jewish friends this is unleavened bread which means unlike jesus it doesn't rise this week outside the lines obtained practice video showing exactly how far she has gone to motivate her players cursing at them shooting t-shirt guns [Applause] when you uh when your throat got cut did it uh happen to sever the gag reflex okay now i'm sending you both to hell hey why send us to hell when you can send yourself to heaven for players to serve her meals where's the bread where is the bread i beg your pardon what um i'm sorry i'll speak up uh it's a robot that is designed to molest children and uh i call it uh robo chomo now you see it's powered by solar rechargeable fuel cells and it costs pennies to manufacture and it can theoretically molest twice as many children as a human molester in quite frankly half the time one last contestant to meet a sweet little girl from the detroit area what is your name it's janelle go away why why you know why janelle what's wrong a whole lot of stuff all of it janelle i have been doing this show for 15 years and everybody loves it all game show hosts kiss their contestants hey mr robinson sorry to bother you um we ordered a new 72-inch samsung tv and they said it was delivered but it's not in the lobby and we were wondering if you knew anything about that don't worry boys and girls mr robinson knows just what to say in situations like this oh you think i stole your tv cause i'm black no okay how about a hug instead how about you go hug a weed whacker roger do you want to give me janelle's hug yeah oh and how about an end end-of-hug kiss yeah oh great job kids oh yeah look at this here's a marshmallow peep i cuffed this up whole this morning something's wrong with me move to our lightning round jo beth mary jo you may watch the rest of the game while you pretend to rake leaves all right let's get you on your mark here oh you're hurting my arm who's gonna believe you [Applause] i'm sorry we gave you that impression yeah and we'll get out of your hair yeah we are so sorry if you see the tv let us know oh and we'd love for you to come to our holiday party no no i don't want to come to your damn holiday card can you believe the nerve of them boys and girls there's a special word for that for a while the progress was astounding he learned the alphabet we were able to teach him sign language yes but soon he started to regress really only doing a few signs uh the signs for hand and now who gonna j me oh [Music] water hey porsche what's your chick doing i think he's hungry eat your mcnugget wow this kid has all the warning signs come on william did you ask the horseman yes yes we're like we're way into it then i have a question that's gonna seem weird on several levels but is the head dishwasher safe what are you talking about i'm just curious about cleaner which one of these is not one of columbus's ships is it the nina the pinta the santa maria or the charles yes roger denina oh i'm sorry roger that is incorrect oh roger are you are you upset yeah oh well you know you tried your best no no i get that but listen so all right it's an open neck right so he could probably just drink a glass of water after you'd do it you know and it's just like wow it all falls out yeah you could you could probably go in through the neck too that's a whole new experience you feel better now almost [Music] there we go this took up most of the time almost seven to eight hours of the day later i suggested a way of working as a team so to speed up the process when she was the hand i would wait outside the door i would count to 20 and i would bust in and say who's doing nasty things in here bad gerald gerald really liked shame and this was good of course for the science and this is a chocolate bunny it's actually hollow some people like the solid ones but ben how'd you get your little wiener in there how do you even build a child molesting robot well that's a that's a great question what you do is you start by building a regular robot uh then you molest it and note that it continues the cycle tanya had a baby at prob no she named the baby tanya yes congrats mary's joe beth jojo you win everything a woman could ever want but whatever happened to tanya she died oh well thanks for having me you're not going anywhere you'll never leave me that's our show

Channel: sacrilegious fruit punch

Views: 1,976,360

Rating: 4.8703308 out of 5

Keywords:

Id: LT-9Ws5HzaU

Length: 14min 24sec (864 seconds)

Published: Wed Jun 23 2021

Reddit Comments

[u/AutoModerator]

There have been some changes to how comics are handled on /r/Funny.

Please also keep the following in mind:

• No memes or memetic content.
• No political content or political figures, regardless of context or focus.
• No social media screenshots, videos, or other such content.

Please report rule-breaking content when you see it. Thank you!

---

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/[deleted]]

Good God that's some cringeworthy clips.

[u/SpicyGatorStew]

is there ever a time when the rock doesn’t look amazing?