[Keith] Good evening, sir. [Eugene] Do you know I asked for you Keith? [Keith] No, sir. [In Keith's head] His eyes took me up and down. He licked his lips Wha-? [Laughter] [Keith] Hey! We're the Try Guys and today We're gonna be reading some Fanfiction that you all have written about us and maybe, just maybe, we'll act some out. [Zach] This is exciting, this is the video that I have been asking for [Eugene] Four years! He's been obsessed with this idea. I think it's a terrible idea [Zach] We have found that a lot of stories are written from the perspective of a 16 year old girl, we're not gonna be reading those. So instead we're just gonna read stories where we each *beep* each other [Keith] Click to subscribe! (Upbeat Try Guys intro music) [Ned] So every time something sexual happens, because this is a family show [Zach] (Laughs) [Keith] It's a Family *beep*-ing show [Ned] We're gonna replace the sex stuff with sandwiches [Keith] Masturbation becomes mastication. [Ned] Beating the meat becomes eating the meat! [Keith] And penetration becomes pastrami! (More laughter from all) [Eugene] That one got me. [Zach] I've spent hours in the forums and I have narrowed it down to three salacious stories. [Ned] One thing I know about fan fiction is the international movie franchise, Fifty Shades of Grey was originally fan fiction based off on Twilight. That's pretty cool! [Eugene] I think fan fiction's fine I just feel like you might as well be just writing spec scripts because, you know, don't waste your time! [Ned, speaking over Eugene] Did you not hear what I said about 50 Shades of Grey?! [Keith] Story 1. [Ned] Wherever I go You Bring me Home [Eugene] So this is a- a Zagene fanfic? [Zach] Is it Zuh-gene? [Eugene] But I say Zagene because your name is Zach. [Keith] Eujack! (Emotional music) [Ned] Eugene stared blankly at Keith. Keith Habersberger was that guy at school. Normally, he would look pristine. Normally he would be surrounded by hordes of loving people Abnormally, he's standing ruffled in front of Eugene's door abnormally, he's- (breaks off into laughter) it's. It's a lot of- Abnormally, he's carrying a small body in his arms Well, more like acting as a crutch and the unidentified man's head tucked the top Keith's pec-(breaks off into laughter) [Keith] Wow, has it gone all the way up to pec status? I was pretty sure it was more of a moob... [Eugene] Can I help you? [Ned] He asks, quirking a carefully plucked brow. Cocking his hip out- [Zach] That one we don't have to bleep. It's just to be clear. [Eugene] Yeah, I'm not hipping my *beep* out [Zach] Well, that one we have to bleep. [Eugene] Yeah, everyone's getting a sandwich, then. [Keith] I believe this is yours. [Ned] Keith jostled the man, and once the snapback clad head lolled back, Eugene let out a heavy sigh. [Eugene] Don't make him my problem. [Keith] Look, Zach's a good guy, and tonight, but he's not good. I mean like right now he's not so good. Like, tonight, he draped himself all over Ryan Bergra
just because Ryan's hair was pushed back like- [Ned] Eugene scowled, though jealousy burned through his body. [Keith] Come on, man. [Ned] Keith whined, [Keith] this whole not eating sandwiches thing is really hard on him! (Sappy, slow Italian music) [Keith] You really want me to take him back to eat at my place? [Ned] Eugene grabbed the smaller man quickly, taking him by the shoulders, drawing him close to his body. [Eugene] Now get out of my room... [Keith] Laters, man. [Eugene] Is that the line? [Keith] That's the line! [Ned] That's the line... (All laugh) [Ned] STAY IN THE SCENE! [Eugene] (laughing) I thought you were ad libbing that! [Ned] Laters is also a fifty Shades of Grey reference. [Keith] Is it? [Zach] Wow, wow. [Ned] Yeah, they say laters Eugene grabbed a cup and promptly dumped the water onto Zach's face! [Zach, yelling] What the hell man?! [Eugene] Is that your voice in this? [Zach] Yeah, I guess, I mean you just woke me up- should I be like (sexily) What the hell, man? [Keith] Yeah, there it is. [Eugene] Yeah that's it. [Zach] Okay, you want me to be sexy? [Zach, sexy version 2.0] What the hell man? [Ned] Zach's eyes widened comically and he had half the mind to laugh. Seeing Zach being with him it was all too easy for Eugene. It was like, falling into old habits, wanting to eat sandwiches all the time. (Dramatic, but happy music, in Spanish, I think) [Zach] Eugene, [Ned] He groaned as he shifted into a sitting position. [Zach] *beep*-ing Keith! [Eugene] What are you doing here? [Zach] Would you believe me if I said I was just passing by? [Ned] There was a slight slur to his words [Zach, with a lisp] Pathing by (Laughing) [Ned] My god! [Keith] Not a lisp, a slur! [Eugene] God damn it Zach, you're still drunk! [Ned] Eugene cursed! [Zach] If I'm drunk, then you're still the prettiest man I ever saw! [Ned] Zach whispered, [Zach] The prettiest man I ever saw! (Dramatic background music gets louder) [Ned] Eugene tried to ignore the thrumming race of his heart. [Zach] Oh wow. [Eugene] Drink this, (The music grows louder) then call your roommate, because you're not my problem [Ned] Ohhhhhhhhh! [Keith] Wooooooah! DENIED! [Ned] Wow! [Keith] Denied! [Ned] Wow! Wow! [Zach] Don't wanna! [Ned] Zach carelessly said, [Eugene] What you want stopped mattering to me when you left after I told you not to Zach! [Ned] He hissed his name out like a curse! [Eugene] Zach! [Ned] A pain quivered through Zach's voice, [Zach] Why can't we just eat sandwiches together? like old times? (Sappy, slow music, in Spanish[?]) [Eugene] I'm not sure if I'm hungry anymore. [Ned] And with that, Zach was sober. [Zach] Wow, if that's how you feel. (Same music again.) [Everyone claps] [Eugene] That was... [Keith] Wow oh that was- [Eugene] That was intense. [Ned and Zach sighing] [Eugene] That was hot. [Keith] That was a panini. [Zach] I am invested in that story. I wanna know what happens next-do they stand a chance? [Eugene] I would destroy Zach in a relationship. He would be eaten alive. [Keith] Oh... [Eugene] Now you wan- [Ned] I kind of want in. [Eugene] Now you wan- [Ned] I kind of want in. [Everyone laughs] vacation into a perilous struggle for survival. If blood, gore and violence don't get you off? vacation into a perilous struggle for survival. If blood, gore and violence don't get you off? Perhaps the cocaine explosion will! nine chapters. [Eugene] Oh, I'm into this one [Ned] Yeah I'm into this one hard. [Keith] This isn't about sandwiches at all! [Zach] So we decided to just jump right into the climax, are you ready? [Ned] Uh, yes, [Eugene] I feel like I should have a gruff action star voice in this. [Keith and Zach] Yeah [Ned] Yeah-we're south of the border. [Eugene] What, you know how to build a bomb? [Zach] he walked over to the pile of ingredients that had amassed. looking them over curiously. [Eugene] Think I'm in love [Zach] he laughed Smiling beautifully, at his green eyed friend. [Ned] I do have green eyes. [Ned in his "sexy" voice] that's cuz Science is sexy as *Beep* Science is sexy as *Beep* [Zach] Interesting character choice. [Everyone Laughs] [Ned in sexy voice again] that's cuz science is sexy as *beep* [Zach] Ned joked slowly slicking his hair back with his good hand before joining the others in a- [Everyone Laughing] [Keith] Time out. What's wrong with Ned's other hand? [Eugene] Is it a hook? [Zach] Gritting his teeth Ned threw the explosive past his friend [Ned screams] [Zach] Gritting his teeth Ned threw the explosive past his friend [Ned screams] It sent men flying through the air like a bunch of drunk bowling pins. [Keith] Okay that's an interesting metaphor. [Ned] imagery [Keith] Zack Zack Zack [Zach] Keith cried looking half out of his mind! Zach's body was stretched across the floor where piles of drywall dust covered him. not knowing what else to do Eugene drew back his hand and slapped Zach across the face [Eugene, Keith, and Zach] Oh [Zach] Bad Kitty Don't hurt daddy. [Zach] Zach murmur sleepily finally blinking his eyes open to stare up at his friends worried faces What's wrong with you two? he questioned innocently, not noticing the march of soldiers footsteps closing in. [Ned] RUN! [Zach] Ned yelled. [Ned] SHE'S GONNA BLOW! [Zach] And scene. [Ned] Bam! wow! [Keith] Scene. [Eugene claps] [Keith] and scene. [Ned] You put all caps, you get all caps. Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli being in a poly relationship? [Eugene] Oh, yeah for sure Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli being in a poly relationship? [Eugene] Oh, yeah for sure [Keith] I'm trying to think of jokes for Lord of the Rings right now [Eugene] But no Keith you're Gandalf remember? You're a wizard. [Eugene] But no Keith you're Gandalf remember? You're a wizard. [Keith doing a Gandalf voice] do not make me a conjurer of cheap tricks [Eugene] Oh guys I think we're actually- accidentally starting to create our own fanfiction. [Everyone laughs] I will read that one-that's a good one. [Eugene] Oh guys I think we're actually- accidentally starting to create our own fanfiction. [Keith in Gandalf voice] Toss me... You can use your own imagination- for what that means, but It's- It's a good line. [Ned] The Promotion [Zach] It's a Eugene and Keith story called The Promotion [Ned] And I'll read for Ariel. [Zach] Yeah, Ariel's in it for some reason You can use your own imagination- for what that means, but It's- It's a good line. [Ned] The Promotion [Zach] It's a Eugene and Keith story called The Promotion [Ned] And I'll read for Ariel. [Zach] Yeah, Ariel's in it for some reason [Keith] Yeah duh. [Zach] You are way too excited about being shipped with Keith and not at all about being shipped with me. [Eugene] who doesn't want to be shipped with Keith [Keith] Yeah duh. [Eugene] Keith could handle me in a relationship. [Zach] I guess I am- I-it's hard to not be offended by this fictional scenario [Phone rings] [Ned as Ariel] Keith? [Keith] My eyes shot up. [Keith] That's totally canon. [Ned] Okay. [Ned as Ariel] Sorry to interrupt your deep ponder, but Mr. [Keith] Yeah? [Eugene] How do you know so much about the Fifty Shades of Grey. [Zach Laughs] [Ned] I think it's a [Keith] He's read it! [Ned] very fun franchise. [Keith] This isn't a joke Ariel. What if I get fired? [Ned] Ariel shook her head [Ned as Ariel] Keith. You are the best employee here by far [Keith third POV] I made my way to Mr. Douchebags office. [Keith] This isn't a joke Ariel. What if I get fired? [Ned] Ariel shook her head [Ned as Ariel] Keith. You are the best employee here by far [Keith] Since I had become closer to Ned and Zach, my other coworkers, [Everyone Laughs] [Keith] Since I had become closer to Ned and Zach, my other coworkers, Eugene had begun to see me as a threat rather than one of his employees... I knocked on the door gently. a deep voice erupted from the opposite side of the door. [Eugene] Come in. [Keith] My Yi lan- [Everyone laughs] [Keith] Hold on. [Keith] My Lee yang called out almost irritate-[Eugene] 'My Lee yang'? [Keith]It says-it says [Eugene] 'My Lee yang' [Zach] I think it's a typo. [Ned] It's not a typo. [Eugene] What does that look like Keith? [Eugene] Yeah, I'm super attracted to that [Keith] Yeah. [in character] Eugene spat I nodded my head and took a seat. [Eugene] What does that look like Keith? (Keith makes weird muppet noise.) [Eugene] Yeah, I'm super attracted to that [Keith] Yeah. [in character] Eugene spat I nodded my head and took a seat. [Keith] Th-th-thank you, uh what position? I stuttered. flabbergasted [Eugene] My personal assistant. [Keith] He licked his lips. [Keith] Wah..? [Keith] Th-th-thank you, uh what position? I stuttered. flabbergasted [Eugene] My personal assistant. [Keith] Without a warning of any sort, he pressed ripped my sandwich out from my pocket. Gentle nibbles at first but vigorously eating very soon [Keith] Wah..? [Keith] Mr. Lee [Eugene] Shut the hell up. [Keith] He barked huskily. [Eugene] Call me daddy [Keith] Without a warning of any sort, he pressed ripped my sandwich out from my pocket. Gentle nibbles at first but vigorously eating very soon I told myself to pull away. I was engaged for Christ's sakes. But that sandwich looked delicious [Keith] Mr. Lee [Eugene] Shut the hell up. [Keith] He barked huskily. [Eugene] Call me daddy [Zach laughs] I need to take a cold shower after that. To get another sandwich [Eugene] another sandwich? [Everyone claps] [Ned] Wow! I need to take a cold shower after that. [Keith] I try to I'm trying to figure out what really happened seems like without any warning. He just [Zach] You're different then the other employees. And then I was like you gotta stop and then he was like then he starts like my other *Beep* [Eugene] You know what I learned today guys. [Keith/Zach] huh [Eugene] by reading all this fan fiction that we replaced with sandwiches [Zach] You're different then the other employees. So here's the deal, that's where the stories end. But where they go next is up to you. [Eugene] You know what I learned today guys. [Keith/Zach] huh [Eugene] by reading all this fan fiction that we replaced with sandwiches [Keith] I'll send us to space, we could go to space. What what would it be like if we went the Mars? I don't know- maybe you know! [Eugene] But we make sandwiches on there. [Keith] we can make sandwiches on Mars. We can work at a subway on Mars [Keith] I'll send us to space, we could go to space. What what would it be like if we went the Mars? I don't know- maybe you know! [Eugene] But we make sandwiches on there. [Keith] we can make sandwiches on Mars. We can work at a subway on Mars [Try guys upbeat outro music] (Same music again.) [Keith doing a Gandalf voice] do not make me a conjurer of cheap tricks (Keith makes weird muppet noise.)
