Dwight: What is this? Jim: Happy Holidays, Dwight. But don't open it till Christmas. You're so pathetic. How long did this take you? 3 Hours? 5 minutes, actually. I am a black belt in gift wrapping. Yeah, no such thing. They don't give out black belts for things that are stupid. [scoffs] Well, I hope it was worth it, 'cause I'm gonna take it apart in about 5 minutes. I think it'll take you a little bit longer than that. Really? If I can skin a mule deer in less than 10 minutes, I ought to be to cut my way-- [Beep] It's kinda blurry. That's better. Question. What kind of bear is best? That's a ridiculous question. False. Black bear. Well, that's debatable, there are basically two schools of thought. Fact, bears eat beets. Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica. Bears do not-- What is going on!? What are you doing!? Last week, I was in a drug store, I saw these glasses, $4, and it only cost me $7 to create the rest of the ensemble, and that makes a grand total of... [a few beeps later...] $11. Michael: Here's what's gonna happen, I am going to have to fix you, manage you two on a more personal scale. A-A more micro form of management, Jim, what is that called? Jim: Micro-gament. Boom. Yes. Michael: Now, Jim is going to be the client, Dwight, you are going to have to sell to him without being aggressive, hostile, or difficult, Let's go. Dwight: Alright, fine. [clears throat] Ring. Bill Buttlicker: Hello? Dwight: Hello, this is Dwight Schrute from the Dunder Mifflin paper company. Oh, that's great, 'cause I need paper. Excellent, you are in luck, because we are having a limited time offer only on EVERYTHING. Oh, this is my lucky day! Michael: Ask him his name. Dwight: What is your name sir? I am Bill Buttlicker. Really? that's your real name? Bill: How dare you! My family built this country, by the way!? Michael: be respectful, Dwight, please. Dwight: Yes Michael. Dwight: You know what? Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery, so I thank you. Jim: [Places bobblehead on table] Identity theft is not a joke Jim! Millions of families suffer every year! Jim: MICHAEL! Dwight: Oh, that's funny, MICHAEL! Bill: Hold on one second, that's my other line. Dwight: Wha- No- But I- Bill: [On other line] Hello? [scoffs] oh yeah, I was just on the phone with a STUPID salesman, he's SO dumb. Probably just keep him on the line forever and not buy anything. [Long pause...] Okay. Michael: It's up to you to change his mind. [Click] Bill: Sorry, that was a family emergency. Dwight: Oh no! what's wrong? Bill: You know what? That's private. Michael: Boundaries! Dwight! Come on! Karen: Hey. Jim: Hey. Karen: Who are you faxing so early in the morning? Jim: Oh, um.... Kinda hard to explain. I don't have a TON of contact with the Scranton branch but, before I left, I took a box of Dwight's stationary. So from time to time, I send Dwight faxes, from himself, from the future. "Dwight, at 8:00 A.M today, someone poisons the coffee, do NOT drink the coffee, more instructions will follow, cordially, Future Dwight." [Stanley walks out with a fresh cup of coffee] [Dwight sprints around the office like a madman] Dwight: NO!! *Poor Stanley* You'll thank me later. Dwight: As I was saying, We're having a limited- Bill: You're gonna have to talk a little bit louder, I'm hard of hearing. Michael: Sorry if he's an old man. Dwight: Okay, as I was saying, right now-- Bill: Gotta talk louder. *Louder* Okay, our prices have never been lower. Bill: Son, you have to talk louder. Dwight: Never been lower! Ne-- Bill: LOUDER, SON! BUTTLICKER! OUR PRICES HAVE NEVER BEEN LOWER! HE-- *Michael: *Loud Whisper* STOP IT!, STOP IT! [Short Composure pause] [Loud Whisper] That is totally inappropriate. [Loud Whisper] You never yell at the client. You NEVER yell at the client. Bill: You listen to me sir. Michael: *disappointed* Here we go. Bill: The three words I would describe you as is aggressive, hostile, and definitely difficult. *Repeatedly* Dwight: Please Mr. Buttlicker, give me another chance. Bill: I'm irate right now. Michael: *Also repeatedly* Give me the phone. Dwight: I have to put you on with my boss. Bill: Well I should hope so. Bill: Who is this? Michael: Hello, this is Michael Scott, Regional Manager. Bill: Well this is William M. Buttlicker. Hello Mr. Buttlicker, how may we help you? Bill: Michael, I like the sound of your voice. You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna buy $1,000,000 dollars worth of paper products today. Dwight: [Laughs excitedly] Michael: See how it's done? Thank you very much, sir. I don't think you'll regret it. Dwight: You are the master. Bill: There is one condition, Michael, Michael: Yes. Bill: you have to fire the salesman that treated me so terribly. Dwight: Don't do it, Michael. Michael: [Whisper] It's a million dollar sale. [Pam muttering] Dwight: Where is my desk!? [Long pause] Jim: That is weird. Dwight: This is NOT funny, this is totally unprofessional. Jim: Okay well, YOU'RE the one who lost the desk. Dwight: I didn't lose my desk. Jim: Okay, calm down, where was the last place you saw it? Dwight: Okay, WHO MOVED MY DESK!? Jim: I think you should re-trace your steps. Dwight: Okay, I am going to tell Michael, and this entire office will be PUNISHED! Jim: Colder... Jim: Warmer... little warmer.... there ya'-- ooh.... warmer.... Warmer! Warmer, warmer! Cold ,cold, cold! Back up... [Phone rings] Ooh... Ooh... Warmer... HOT! RED HOT! HOT! [Fades out] VERY HOT.... *Dwight, just sit down already!* *Dwight listens* Dwight: Dwight Schrute, Jim: Hi, Dwight, um... What sorta discounts are we giving on the 20-pound white box? Jim: I've given you this information, like 20 times. Jim: I know. [Sorry, can't clarify :|] Okay, thank you, gotta get back to work. Michael: Okay, so Dwight, in your own words, "Someone replaced all my pens and pencils with crayons, I suspect Jim Halpert." "Everyone has called me Dwayne all day, I think Jim Halpert paid them to." Jim: [short chuckle] YES, five bucks each, it was totally worth it. Jim: You look cute today, Dwight. Dwight: Thanks, girl. So, yesterday, Dwight found half a joint in the parking lot, which is unfortunate because as it turns out, Dwight FINDING drugs is more dangerous than most people USING drugs. Jim: I'm just saying you can't be sure that it wasn't you. Dwight: That's ridiculous, of course it wasn't me. Jim: Marijuana is a memory loss drug, so maybe you just don't remember. Dwight: I would remember. Jim: well how could you if it just erased your memory? Dwight: That's not how it works. Jim: Now, how would you know how it works? Dwight: Knock it off okay? I'm interviewing you! Jim: NO, YOU SAID THAT I'D BE CONDUCTING THE INTERVIEW WHEN I WALKED IN HERE, NOW EXACTLY HOW MUCH POT DID YOU SMOKE!? Dwight: (Wha- What?) Michael: "This morning I found a bloody glove in my desk drawer and Jim Halpert tried to convince me I commited murder. I think he may be the real murderer." "Jim Halpert said there was an abandoned infant in the women's room, when I went to save the child, I saw Meredith on the can." [DX] [Michael cringes] Michael: [Deep breath] God. Photographer: Smile. Dwight: No. I Never smile if I can help it. Showing one's teeth is a submission signal in primates, once someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life. Jim: This came out really well. There ya' go. Dwight: [Holds up Tag] This is humongous, I am not a security threat, Jim: Oh. Dwight: and my middle name is "Kurt", not "fart". Jim: What did I write? Michael: "This morning, I knocked myself in the head with the phone." [Looks at Dwight, confused] Jim: [Snickers] That actually took a while, I had to put more and more nickels into his handset until he got used to the weight, and then, I just... took them all out. Michael: "Every time I typed my name, it said "diapers"." Jim: Just a simple macro. Jim?(Steve) : Morning Dwight. Dwight: Who are you? Steve: Who am I? I'm Jim, we've been working together for twelve years. Weird joke, Dwight. Dwight: You're not Jim, Jim's not Asian! Steve: You seriously never noticed? Hey, hat's off to you for not seeing race. Dwight: Alright then, Jim. Why don't you tell me about that sale that you made yesterday? Steve: Wellington Systems, sold them 10 cases of 24-pound letter stock. Or were you talking about Creeker Murphy? Because I didn't close that one yet, but I'm hoping I've got a voicemail from Paul Creeker waiting for me. [Automated Voice] Please enter your password. *Enters Jim's password* [Automated Voice] You have one new message. Dwight: How did you know? Dwight: NO, NO, no, that is sensitive information, only for employees, not outsiders! Steve: Dwight, cut it out, I'm trying to work. You don't work here! You're not Jim! Pam: Jim, I got us that dinner reservation, [?] at 7:30. Steve: Oh, great, can't wait. *Kiss* Jim's at the dentist this morning, and Steve is an actor friend of ours. I don't know who you are, but you are not Jim. [grabs photo] THIS IS JIM! Steve: (You mean me?) Dwight: Oh-- Oh dea-- Oh, how did-- (I don't know how they pulled that off :/) Roy: So what's the deal, we have to pay for our own drinks? That's lame. Pam: Come on, it'll be fun, and besides, I'm a roulette expert. Dwight: Impossible, roulette is not a game of skill, it is a game of chance. Jim: I could always count on winning roulette. Dwight: Oh really? M-hmm. Jim: Yeah. Dwight: How would you do that? Jim: Mind control. Dwight: [Laughs] You can't be serious. Jim: [Looks at Dwight with a stoic expression] Dwight: Are you serious? Jim: Ever since I was a little kid, like eight or nine, I could, sorta' control things with my mind. Dwight: I don't believe you, continue. Jim: [Sighs] It was just little things, you know? Like, I could make something shake, or I could make a marble fall off the counter, you know? Just little things. [Scoffs] Dwight: That's ridiculous, you know what? Uh- Why don't you move that coat rack? Excuse me everyone, attention in the office please! Jim is about to prove his telekinetic powers. And he needs absolute silence. Dwight: Go ahead. Jim: Okay, I'll try. [Jim exhales] [The coat rack moves] [Pam holds up the prank, wordless.] [Pam winks] [Jim concentrates harder] Dwight: Oh my god. [Please subscribe to the office, it's an awesome channel, and please subscribe to me as well, I put time, effort, and a little dash of love into this.] (Armyman042705) So, yeah... Bye!
Doesn't feel like a meal time video. Too many jokes to laugh at while I am trying to eat my lunch
First time opening a 12min video from mealtime. No regrets!!!
I'm a simple person. I see the office, I upvote
YAS!