The Office | Every Cold Open (Season 5 Part 1)

well i should go all right i'll tell everybody here that you say hi no don't i'm mad at them why would happen not one of them called to congratulate me on our engagement ah that they might be off the hook for because i didn't tell them what why not i just didn't you know want a deal come on it won't be that bad okay you know what here we go uh everybody just wanted to make an announcement pam and i are engaged hi everyone i thought you were already engaged nope that was roy she was engaged to roy thank you angela i got a gift for pam and roy do i have to get another one yes a little close to my engagement there tuna what's your game here to get married she's not a virgin you know wow what's going on no nothing nothing michael just saying hi the tall guy got engaged to be married yep sorry [Music] hey michael yeah contractions are coming every 10 minutes okay just remember to keep breathing my cervix is ripening okay good jan is about to have a baby with a sperm donor and michael is preparing for the birth of a watermelon with dwight now this baby will be related to michael through delusion michael yeah my water's breaking okay okay what do you do what do you do i get a call from jan and i meet her at the hospital right highways are surface roads i take quincy ave to gibson no gibson is covered in potholes your car breaks down adapt i checked the route there are no potholes adapting to the circumstances andy would you like to have my baby yes babies are one of my many areas of expertise growing up i performed my own circumcision just keep pushing hold me i'm right here i'm right here screaming i'm screaming i'm screaming just push and breathe numb me up i want anesthesia no you can't have it it's too late no i don't want that you have to just push it out okay keep stimulating okay do you have the sharpie keep simmering do you have the sharpie yes i do okay when the baby emerges mark it secretly in a kind of a mark that only you can recognize and no baby snatcher could ever copy ready yes oh god wow what was on that butter newborns are slippery nice touch good let's try that again this is going to be the happiest day of my life pam line three okay thanks new york as it turns out is very expensive and i ran out of money i thought about selling a kidney but michael offered to get me a part-time job at corporate of course now michael knows where to reach me 16 to 18 hours a week hey michael hey mr kiddo miss you so much hey sports i heard someone got engaged you dog oh god oh nothing can hurt you now you're a man in love i was there and that dude is not engaged i'm not a big believer in therapy but i'll go into my own pocket to cover copay big idea double wedding me angela you holly no we would never do that and if we did it would be with jim and pam yeah we'd never do that yeah so there you go michael i got my bridesmaid's dress oh wow so quickly yeah and you said i could get it in any color i wanted so i picked white oh michael did you tell your mom yet nope nope not yet you wouldn't tell your mom all right i will call her she is going to freak out speaker phone nuts thanks hello mom i'm getting married no you're not why do you always do that whenever i'm getting married you don't believe me are you getting married no [Laughter] i'm not i'm not getting married psych are you swallowing them whole you're eating them so fast are they even touching your tongue yeah why aren't you having any angela oh i ate so many already when no one's looking yeah right my baby's dieting she wants to fit into a special child-sized wedding gown for our big day why do those exist it's from my pageant days i was miss tiny mid-atlantic bride when i was 10. probably heard of it brownies is that pastry cubes made of sugar and fat no thank you i'll stick with my jerky so why'd you come in here to socialize and then form ooh brownies i'm taking two so i can parcel them up and eat them at my leisure later on much healthier you taking two yeah um but one of them is for tubby yeah why don't you send that to him in costa rica um i'm just gonna hand it to him right now okay weirdo why is that why is that weird she said she was gonna give it to him right now she's probably going to because they sit next to each other yeah they used to toby works here again oh can you imagine oh no oh you don't know i don't know what you should probably just meander back there take a look see if he's see if he's back dare i you know what i'm going to for old time's sake great practical joke jim got me go to the annex no god no god please no no no no here are our final actual costs for this year okay as you can see we did pretty well yes i can see that we did indeed why don't you explain this to me like i am an eight-year-old all right well this is the overall budget for this fiscal year along the x-axis yes right there there's the x-axis you can see clearly on this page that we have a surplus of forty three hundred dollars okay we have to spend that by the end of the day or it will be deducted from next year's budget why don't you explain this to me like i'm five your mommy and daddy give you ten dollars to open up a lemonade stand so you go out and you buy cups and you buy lemons and you buy sugar and now you find out that it only cost you nine dollars oh so you have an extra dollar yeah so you can give that dollar back to mommy and daddy but guess what next summer i'll be six and you ask them for money they're gonna give you nine dollars because that's what they think it costs to understand so what you want to do is spend that dollar on something now so that your parents think that it costs ten dollars to run the lemonade stand so the dollar's a surplus this is a surplus we have to spend that forty three hundred dollars by the end of the day or it'll be deducted from next year's budget we should spend this money on a new copier which we desperately need okay break it down in terms of i i'm okay i think i'm getting you what is this happy holidays dwight but do not open it till christmas you're so pathetic how long did this take you three hours five minutes actually i am a black belt in gift wrapping yeah no such thing they don't give out black belts for things that are stupid well i hope it was worth it because i'm gonna take it apart in about five minutes i think it'll take you a little bit longer than that really if i can skin a mule deer in less than 10 minutes i ought to be able to cut my dunder mifflin this is pam i'm sorry he's not in yet would you like his voicemail yeah yeah yeah okay 12 miles an hour eat that call lewis angela made several 911 calls about cars going too fast in front of the building so the police put up a radar gun it's actually caused a bit of a traffic hazard [Music] wow 13. no no no there was wind i was just jogging dwight there was wind i want to do all right it's not your turn all right 13 is the new number oscar go ahead i want another try here we go 31 31 there was the car i was ahead of the car 31 is my new number 31 is humanly impossible go oscar 31 is my number that's impossible beat it what's this [Music] looks like a red wire oh i wasn't here before it's a computer do i i mean computers have wires gears doesn't doesn't it no it's going in a different direction than the other wires dwight i'm really busy i can't talk about this anymore dwight i got 500 feet of red wire at a flea market not by denmark high school 20 bucks for the whole spool crazy what a deal oh he'll be fine i made it up there so last week i give a fire safety talk and nobody paid any attention it's my own fault for using powerpoint powerpoint is boring people learn in lots of different ways but experience is the best teacher today smoking is gonna save lives does anyone smell anything smoky did you bring your jerky in again oh my god uh oh my god fire oh fire oh my goodness what's the procedure what do we do people are dead oh how did that happen it's out in the hall no we don't know that the smoke could be coming through an air dodge oh my god okay it's happening everybody stay calm what's the procedure everyone what's the procedure calm down no no michael no touch the handle if it's hot there could be a fire in the hallway what does warm mean oh my gosh not a viable option right next door to the other door oh here's the door check that one out how's the handle it's warm okay go to the bathroom oh another one that's right oh jeez okay on everyone no i forgot my purse leave it woman get out of the way go go go things can be replaced phyllis people human lives however can ah my hand that's hot this one's hot too okay we're trapped everyone for himself okay let's go all right let's go get out of my way a rag a damp rag perhaps let's remember those procedures what are the options that's the wrong way we've already tried that remember your exit points exit points people what's now um stay alive i'm getting help pull me up you're too heavy i only weigh 82 pounds save it how about 911 [Music] what do we do use this surge of fear and adrenaline to sharpen your decision making okay i am not dying here oh my god what is that the fire's shooting at us [Applause] attention employees of dunder mifflin this has been a test of our emergency preparedness there is no fire it was only a simulation what fire not real this was merely a training exercise so what have we learned oh come on it's not real stanley don't have a heart attack no no no no no you will not die daily stanley you will not die stanley stanley barack is president you are black sadly i'm going to give him mouth about no don't give him out the mouth for this you're going to swallow his tongue open your mouth michael swan don't swallow him saving me you

Channel: Peacock

Views: 2,810,104

Keywords: peacock, peacock tv, peacock streaming service, the office, rainn wilson, john krasinski, steve carell, michael scott, dwight schrute, best the office moments, jenna fischer, cold opens the office, dunder mifflin, cold open, the office us, the office fire drill, the office fire scene, the office fire michael running

Id: m5282zXJdBo

Length: 16min 32sec (992 seconds)

Published: Tue Mar 23 2021