the most boring man in america: teddy vs amy vs jake | Brooklyn Nine-Nine | Comedy Bites

amy santiago teddy oh my god it's been so long what are you doing here i'm with the a2 now we're paired with you today yeah quick 1054 l ambulance case severed limb what is going on here uh teddy and i met at code camp it was a voluntary refresher course on police codes some long nights of intense memorizing it was pretty dope sounds dope nice to meet you nice to meet you well i'm gonna go sign in but we should catch up later yeah great seeing you you too who's that guy uh that was teddy we went on like five dates last year i liked him but he was stationed out in queens so i never got to see him and sort of fizzled right that's the guy you said the lame stuff about like he's a good listener i'm sorry what do you look for in a guy i don't know real stuff shape of his ass before i forget try to be in the lobby in about a half an hour i got you a little surprise no your surprises are always terrible what's going on you have to tell me you're gonna love this remember how you said that teddy would never be so romantic as to turn a work trip upstate into a lover's retreat to the country oh no oh yes i called him before we left he's on his way here now uh uh you're welcome jake i don't want to see teddy right now i'm about to break up with him oh no when we first started dating amy and i found this really nice b b over the poconos we got that sweet city employee discount remember that babe teddy think fast drink menu oh i'm sorry man chuck that right at you i just thought you really wanted a drink oh i never need a drink menu i got the thrills for the pills cause i'm a pilsner man oh i hadn't heard that's it i can't stop myself jericho jericho jericho now that's pulling out all the stops what's going on i want to break it up us i want to break us up hey folks welcome to the maple drip inn everyone excited to be here we having a good time we are not the main reason you want to break up with me is the pilsners i i like other drinks it's delicious i want more it's not just the pilsners there are so many reasons i want to break up that sounded bad didn't it as a lawyer it's my duty to tell you to shh okay look there's just no spark between us that's vague uh you're boring guava juice mango juice orange juice of course grapefruit juice and cranberry juice jazz brunch sounds insane but should we talk about how efficient and well-run the nine-nine is for a while we've got plenty of time for that i'm gonna hit the little boy's room when i get back remind me to tell you all about the omelette bar station we will spoiler alert two kinds of bell pepper [Laughter] oh my god he's so boring he's so bored the most boring man in america and that's him trying to be interesting that is spring break teddy how did you ever date him oh no he has a really big wiener doesn't he wait don't tell me if that's true unless it's not no but then if you don't say anything i'll know that it is oh why don't you say anything about his wiener amy jake stop stop stop i don't want to hear about your ex's weiner just you're not making me feel better why would you do this to me jake stop spiraling every time you shake me i see it flopping around stop oh look there's our gang leader seriously wow perfect timing successful stakeout there's no way that sergeant boring big waiter will shut us down now whoosh i think i hear teddy you didn't answer got the old bonester i like to go through my contacts while i go pee so you only need to use one hand that's great oh look it was still recording like recording recording yeah oh this is bad what what's wrong oh my god i was recording the whole time we said all that bad stuff sorry i was so preoccupied with the wiener stuff oh this is bad but while i have you just stop me that was fun we're really good at fake fighting and you were amazing at coming up with all that stuff to be mad about yep totally i just said all that stuff to save the precinct and that's all oh my god you don't actually care about my sneakers no i care about them deeply they're all so different okay hey guys it's teddy from jazz brunch hey teddy it's teddy from jazz brunch why is he here i don't know but the fake fight's back on so shunning your big mouth and your stupid sneakers you don't like my shoes you can just tell me hi can i talk to you guys about something actually teddy this is not a good time we're still having a pretty big fight well i think what i'm about to say myself things amy i'm still in love with you what what what oh i'll skip his cup scoop this is super uncomfortable jazz okay okay everybody just calm down and take a deep breath what the hell is going on man yeah what the hell is going on you got a girlfriend i know and she's fine thanks sorry i was really planning on you being in the cab during this okay that wouldn't make it better maybe i'm just i'm not over you yet and i would have never said anything because i thought you and jake were happy but after seeing a jazz brunch i think i might have been wrong don't read into that that was a freak argument we are very happy amy we have all the same interests we have so much chemistry when we're together it's like no matter where we are in san diego i feel compelled to tell you that san diego's terrible lay it all in the line amy santiago will you marry me what okay really could you stay in the cab i'm sorry i'll be right there i promise or maybe i won't what's your answer teddy i don't want to be with you but you want to be with him you guys have nothing in common oh yeah tell that to william atherton the man we both considered to be the second best die-hard villain oh she meant it and also yes we are different people but i love that about us i love that jake's a little messy and that he cares so much about his dumb sneakers and he doesn't get stressed out about calendars or flossing my teeth no the non-flossing is crazy copy that and i love you i'm just so confused your fight was like something out of a movie teddy i have to tell you the truth no amy is dying she has one month to live marrying her would be a waste of time jake and i were only pretending to fight so that we could destroy your phone while we were on the stakeout and you were in the bathroom we said you were the most boring man in america and your phone recorded it i'm sorry we didn't want you to get mad at us and fail the precinct wow you guys are the worst who would do something like this well i clearly have an arch nemesis finally must be someone i put away who's hell-bent on revenge he's probably gonna make me choose between saving the city and saving the woman i love little does he know i can save both how are you so calm right now someone is trying to blow us up i'm calm because there's not really a bomb i mean if you're trying to kill someone you don't call and give them a heads up so they're just trying to scare us yeah but it doesn't matter the bomb squad's on their way they'll do a quick sweep find nothing and split and this will just become a funny story we work into our vows amy there was a bomb at this wedding your butt your butt is the bomb please don't say that during the ceremony is it that you don't like wordplay or you don't want me to talk about your butt at all because one of those notes is really gonna pull through how did this guy even find out about the wedding the stupid engagement announcement charles put in the paper it had the time and location of the ceremony amy be very careful about throwing around accusations like that because if you're trying to say i somehow ruined jake's wedding then i'm gonna kill myself so tread lightly okay just take it easy charles nothing is ruined see the bomb squad is already here and they brought a robot this is exactly how i imagined my wedding would be when i was a kid well well well amy santiago amy look your ex-boyfriend is here on our wedding day why this is my crew yeah you called me boring so i leveled up my cool and now i run the bomb squad i also started traveling i went to belgium they have the best spaghetti teddy let's get everything out on the table here last time we saw you you kind of proposed to amy so you're not still in love with her right no i definitely am my therapist told me to stop trying to get over it oh weird you wouldn't hide it even for your own pride but seriously don't worry i'm a cop i have a job to do and i'm gonna do it professionally that's great i'm happy to hear that meaning i will be doing a super thorough sweeping of the building it's gonna take hours so you should probably just cancel the wedding anyway congrats you two wow five hours this is the most exciting contest we've had of course the incident last year was exciting but we all know how that ended no we don't right because of the gag order are you sure you want to keep doing this rosa you really don't have to my feet hurt a little but i can go as long as it takes well we're having a great time back here i'll just tell my buddy ready to hear about this great salsa that i make it's so mild you barely taste it that's it i can't take any more i'm out bye reggie i'll send you that article about mailboxes please don't oh my god teddy is boring people out of the competition and he doesn't even realize it can't let him get to you rosa it's fine i can handle boring we're friends ooh guys you will never believe who i saw at busch gardens last summer my neighbor yeah just walking around rosa i can't believe you're still here i can't believe teddy looks so normal i'm gonna win you that snoop slog snap whatever my brain is broken i haven't slept in 72 hours you've only been doing the competition for one night i mean you're allowed to not sleep for other reasons okay i got you a coffee oh thank you just need to put my left hand on the stroller my right hand grabs the cup my mouth dude is sipping what's happening my broken brain won't talk to my body so i'm doing it bling rosa you don't have to do this you can stop snarling amy oh teddy and i are the only ones left i'm gonna win this no matter how much he talks about light rail systems ooh you should ride the one in akron by the way very little noise oh my god enough about light rails let's talk trams amusement parks again more cities adopted the music park method oh put your hands on my ears i just feel like you're having fun hands are off we have a winner me i'm on the stroller oh i see what i did wrong it's okay come on let's get you home excuse me amy you can have the stroller for the right price okay how much amy santiago will you marry me no you

Channel: Comedy Bites

Views: 645,699

Keywords: teddy brooklyn nine-nine, jake and amy brooklyn nine-nine, the most boring man in america brooklyn nine-nine, brooklyn nine nine teddy and amy break up, brooklyn nine nine teddy and amy, brooklyn nine nine teddy returns, teddy proposes to amy, teddy proposes b99, teddy proposes to amy brooklyn nine-nine, b99 teddy proposes to amy, b99 teddy boring, b99 teddy inspection, b99 teddy pilsners, jake and amy wedding, jake and amy's wedding b99, jake and amy vs teddy

Id: sfHxIEnl3L4

Length: 10min 22sec (622 seconds)

Published: Mon Sep 06 2021