The Harshest Burns from the Roast of Rob Lowe

i didn't hit rock bottom 26 years ago i hit rock bottom an hour and a half ago how the did i end up here [Applause] for years rob lowe had a sex addiction but he cured it by getting less famous it's not easy being rob he said being so handsome made it difficult for him to find meaningful roles i wanted to ask brad pitt about that but he was too busy acting in meaningful roles rob was great on the west wing you remember that show i assume your pal charlie sheen helped you with that he's used to working with aids white house aides what did you get oh you guys peyton manning is here physically now come on we love peyton manning we're lucky to have him tonight i'll never forget peyton's career sadly he will pete davidson pete's dad never got to see him on snl because he passed away on 9 11. pete's mom has never seen him on snl because she blinks is pete white is he black and colter needs to know if she can decide if she hates him pete i actually thought you were black but i guess you just have your dad's ashy skin and ann coulter is here everybody and coulter if you're here who's scaring the crows away from our crops [Applause] you know anne describes herself as a polemicist but most people call her [Applause] you know last year we had martha stewart who sells sheets and now we have ann coulter who cuts eye holes in them uh anyway jules here jewel uh i won't make fun of you yet uh because i want to give everyone at home time to google who you are um my mom really wanted me to get you to sign this uh i uh i don't know what the it is if it's a phone it's broken but uh she'd really appreciate if you could sign this my mom came here to see you so uh yeah let's hear it for rob lowe okay right bravo or as gonorrhea doctors call him patient zero people call roblo a bad actor but that's only because they never saw him tell his wife he didn't that nanny jewel is here or as i call her trailer swift jewel i do not want to bad matthew since god already did no [Applause] i think your smile is cute i feel like your teeth are like the spice girls you know they're all different colors and they're like doing their own things so that's fun [Applause] and without furor adieu and coulter oh anne what's it like to be like a real life super villain you know like i'd ask you how you sleep at night but i'd assume just upside down in a robe of 101 dalmatians ann coulter has written 11 books 12 if you count mine conf yes anne's been called things like a racist anti-semitic homophobic a white supremacist and that's just while getting plowed by bill maher the only person you will ever make happy is the mexican who digs your grave [Applause] i do want to say first of all as a feminist i can't support everything that's being said up here tonight but as somebody that hates ann coulter i'm delighted so [Applause] david spade amazingly um has slept with some of the most beautiful actresses in hollywood proving just how ugly show business makes women feel and ralph macchio is here who doesn't love ralph macchio bill collectors and actual karate masters and i don't know real actors and italians you know people and peyton manning is here because eli is still out there making his dad proud pete davidson's ugly he's actually going on his third year of snl it's been a while since i've been there of course but you got to help me out now is it the fourth year that they finally let you see an orthodontist jacked up teeth fix that jimmy car's got better teeth and he's british fun fact ann coulter has a big angry bush no joke that's just a fun fact rob's played many wonderful characters in film recently he played jfk in the movie killing kennedy jesus christ hasn't that family suffered enough grassy knoll but not as grassy as ann coulter's big angry bush instant callback [Applause] and who can forget parks and rec where rob played a guy who misused the word literally correct use of the word would be something like i don't know um rob lowe has literally had sex with everyone in this room except ann coulter because her bush is literally too angry yes three-peat it's a three-peat they said i couldn't do it but i did it i nailed and told us bush three times david spade our host this evening doing a fabulous job david is perhaps best known for his work with comedy legend chris farley tragically chris farley died when his heart stopped due to a lethal combination of heroin cocaine and the stress of carrying david spade through two movies nicki glazer is here one of my favorites [Music] on nikki's comedy central show not safe she found out her father is hung like a horse and we found out nikki inherited her face from her dad's dick pete davidson's here i'm appalled that people would come here and make jokes about the sacrifice pete's heroic father made on 9 11. this is not the roast of pete davidson's father that was in 2001 oh wow wow ann coulter here we go ann coulter is one of the most repugnant hateful hatchet-faced alive but but it's not too late to change anne you could kill yourself [Applause] it's 56 days to halloween but i see that ann coulter's already in her skeleton costume people ask why is ann coulter here tonight answer because the right to lifers wanted everyone to see what an abortion looks like up close and you know anne after seeing your set tonight i think we've all witnessed the first bombing that you can't blame on a muslim jimmy carr born to irish catholic parents raised catholic jimmy first knew he was funny at age nine when he made his priest laugh so hard that shut out of his nose [Applause] as i sat here tonight being constantly reminded of my shortcomings surrounded by this cast of mutants i'm sorry anne racist mutants [Applause] it hit me i didn't hit rock bottom 26 years ago i hit rock bottom an hour and a half ago how the did i end up here as you all know i followed in my father's footsteps but david you forged a path on your own i know you wanted to follow in your dad's footsteps but he uh snuck out of the house so carefully he didn't leave any tracks [Applause] he's bringing it i just realized that i am not the only athlete up here tonight as you all know earlier this year ann coulter won the kentucky derby on that anne great job but i got to tell you i got to tell you i have no idea who the rest of you guys up here are i mean i've been sitting up here tonight with all these folks that no one's ever heard of thinking to myself did i just get traded to the jacksonville jaguars [Music] [Applause] you

Channel: Comedy Central

Views: 1,511,988

Keywords: Roast, comedy central, comedy roast, roast of Rob Lowe, Comedy Central Roast of Rob Lowe, Rob Lowe, David Spade, Pete Davidson, Nikki Glaser, Jewel, Rob Riggle, Jimmy Carr, Ralph Macchio, Peyton Manning, Ann Coulter, funny, insult comedy, comedy, comedy show, roasts, insults, burns, roasted, tv show, tv comedy, funny video, comedy videos, comedian, comedians

Id: XCqgvXtmgYU

Length: 10min 49sec (649 seconds)

Published: Sun Mar 21 2021

Reddit Comments

[u/Radiant_Jeweler2650]

Unpopular opinion - but there are zero good roasts and I don’t understand how anyone finds them funny.