- My name is The Chosen, but
every single year, once a year, we open up a portal to the
multi-verse and Chosens from every dimension come together to battle in a tournament to decide who is the most chosen. This is the tournament of Chosens. Hello Chosens, thank you for coming today. - Hello. - Thank you for hosting us. - Happy to be here. - This world smells a little funky. - Hmm, you must come from a dimension that is much better smelling, impressive. Today to determine who is the most chosen. We will be playing a card
game that I have created. It's called the Chosen card game. Before we begin the
tournament, you must like, and also you must subscribe
and we will know if you don't. - We have our ways. - Yeah. Don't even think about it. - Many spies with many eyes. - That's right.
- And thighs. - Impressive Chosens. Please introduce
yourselves, starting here. - Come on I am The Chosen. - Coincidentally, I'm also The Chosen. I'm also banned from
all the local hospitals. (laughs) - What happens- - For reasons, I will elaborate on later. - But if you get hurt, where do you go? - I self administer treatment. - Of course. - As a chosen should. - Hello (laughs) Hello. I'm also The Chosen. - Hello there, I am.
(laughs) I am as well The Ch... (laughs)
I have been chosen. I am The Chosen. I am a Chosen. - We are all chosen.
- We are all chosen. - We are all chosen. - Very well, who would like to step up and face the arena first. - I would. - I was born to defeat the
inventor of the tri trunk. - Very good. - Whoever sits down first. - Not well.
(laughs) - Ah yes, Riddick rules. - Yup. - You keep what you kill. - Exactly Riddick rules,
that is how this operates. And I will be the judge. - That seems agreeable. - Okay. - May the best Chosen win.
(slapping) - Chosens, you may pull out your- - Hold on, hold on. Siri.
(beep) Start workout. - Yes, master Chosen.
(laughs) - I will be the judge of this round. You both can be my advisors. Chosens, please whip out your decks. Now prepare for round one. Pick which card you will
throw into the battlefield. On the count of three, you
will present your card. one, two, three. We have Jack of spades and a
grocery store membership card. - Impressive.
- Impressive. - Impressive. - Chosen on the left, you may say why your card would win. - The Jack of spades dates
back to ancient medieval times. As everybody knows, the spade
is the leaf of the gods. I hope to spend eternity
in Bihar Valhalla. So it is only right that I begin my battle with the Jack of spades. - Impressive.
- Impressive. - Impressive. - Thank you. - Chosen, your rebuttal. - Oh yeah, I knew that she was going to pull the Jack of spades-
(laughs) - Deep breaths Chosen, deep breaths. - Focus Chosen. - I'm focused, it never leaves me. I knew she was going to be
pulling the Jack of spades as she mentioned leaves, that's why I pulled up my
grocery card where you can go to the store and get as many
leaves as you'd like to eat for sustenance. Therefore,
I see your Jack, but it is basically the king grocery card. So I think it's a winner. - Hmm, impressive.
- Impressive. - Interesting.
- Yes. - What is your pendant? If I may ask. - It's a dragon. - Oh. - Never ask another chosen
what his pendant is. - Every chosen must have a pendant, but it is their deepest
secret. Chosen you know this. - [Chosen] Forgive me.. - A world of horcrux of secrets. - I'm sorry, I shared that so easily. - It's okay. You can share everything. - Please forgive me, Chosens. - I forgive you. And also I will award the
point for this first round to the Jack of spades. - Oh, yes.
- Crap! - This chosen his power
level is pretty impressive. But with the right techniques,
- Thank you. - power levels are basically bull-(beep). - It's kind of embarrassing you even brought up power levels, seeing as they're so antiquated. - I was born in a sport chalet. - Three, two, one. - Interesting. What
cards have you presented? - Oh, is that a Big Parasol? - It's a Big Parasol. - Wow.
- Yeah. - Impressive. - That is a Big Parasol.
- Impressive. - Against, what appears to be a Pizza Hut membership card. - Gift card, actually. I'm not a member. They won't let me. - How much money is on that gift card? - $33. - Whoa.
- That's a lot. - Memberships are also traceable, so I admire your aversion. - Thank you. - In California legally,
if you've got at least $10 on that Pizza Hut card, you
can exchange it for cash. - (gasp)
- Yes. - I didn't even know that. - $10 or less. - Chosen, say why your
Big Parasol should win. - Sure. Wouldn't because
it's a defensive mechanism. Whenever there's something
coming out, we let's say cheese, hot cheese, maybe a cinnamon
twist or something like that. My Big Parasol would block it. So anything that you would put down, it would be defeated. - Chosen, what do you
have to say about this? - Hmm. Typical Big Parasol
lore there, however, this pizza hut gift
card dates back to 2016. The year of the sharp cheddar, that sharp cheddar is so sharp, it could easily penetrate the material. - It's double lined. - Whoa!
(gasp) - Say that on the card? - Yes it does. As long as the double lined Pokemon card is attached to
the double line at the spot, prevent all effects of
attacks from your opponent's sharp cheddar that's done
it, your Big Parasol. - Damn!
- Interesting. - I can't believe it, that's that. - So specific. - I can't believe I forgot
the lore of the Big Parasol - Yes, foolish. - Classic mistake.
- Classic mistake. - Why I propose a deal? - What deal? - We order Pizza Hut. - Hmm, interesting
proposal, but I decline it. This round goes to the Big Parasol. - Oh yes! - It's time for the final round. You both are tied right now. - Excellent. - Equally powerful. - Excellent.
- Excellent. - So where do you guys come from? - Another universe. It
was discussed earlier. Fool - I don't know. I've been lonely, it's nice to get back to here once a year to talk about chosen things. - It is nice to talk to
people of equal power. Talk about impressive
things like Keanu Reeves. - Keanu Reeves
- Keanu Reeves, yes. - Pick your final card. Three, two, one. - The slow card penetrates the shield. Appears we have a Costco
membership and a... Is that a stub of a movie ticket? - This isn't just any stub. This is the movie tickets stump for 2006's Superman returns. - Whoa! June 30th, precisely. - Bryan Singer's Superman Returns. (laughs) - Oh, thank you Chosen
for important information. - Starring. Kevin Spacey. - Oh!
- Yikes! - In every universe he's been canceled. (laughs) - Coincidentally, Bryan
Singer was also canceled. - Yes. Chosen, What do
you have to say about your Costco membership? - Anyone can buy wholesale, but not everyone can be a business member. I'm in the member of being
business as in being chosen, therefore anything that I would need any enemy formed against me, I would find at Costco and
I would buy it wholesale. - I once survived off Costco
hot dogs through three weeks. - Easy. - Sounds tough. Chosens, we
must make a decision here. This is very difficult. - I defer to you. - What do you think? - I defer to you. - Okay, you both deferred to me. - Superman returns is impressive. - That is impressive. - Costco...
- [Chosen] Wholesale. - If this helps, it was
at 8:00 PM, on a Friday. - All right, the award goes to... This Chosen with the
Superman Returns ticket stub. Sorry, Chosen, but well fought. Okay. It's time for the next challengers. Chosen, Chosen. You are
no longer my advisors. You are now combatants. Are you ready? - Yes, sorry.
- I was born ready and then I came to this
universe double ready. - Hmm, I never disclose my status. (laughs) - Impressive. Okay, chosens
pick your first card for the first round. For those wondering, how
did I open up the portal? It's easy. You arrange three televisions and you play all of the Matrix trilogy at the same exact time. - Impressive.
- Impressive. - Three, two, one! Fascinating. - Wow!
- Wow! - Wow! - I see you have come to this battlefield with powerful cards. - Chosen you may explain why this Pokemon would win this battle. - As you can see the Rotom
Phone is very powerful, as it's a Pokemon in a phone, meaning that your best friend is alive and also takes you to such things as 4Chan back when it was good as well you can play. Digimon on it? - Wow!
- And it lasts eight hours. - A Pokemon that can play Digimon. - Yeah. this real-time phones my bitch. - Chosen, explain why
you're hot cash would defeat this Pokemon. - Well, as legal tender in all 50 states, I feel it speaks for itself. They're a BOGO, 30% off
deals are unrivaled. Plus they have super hot working staff. (laughs) - That's true. I've seen it. - It makes my gonads trinkle. - That's the universe
transportation happening. - Chosens, you cannot
be tempted by romance. - Ugh! - You must stay focused on your training. - Sorry. - That is the most classic of mistakes. - Classic mistake. - Everybody knows this. - The Hot Topic workers
are charitable sirens in my universe. - I'm giving this one to the hot cash. - Uh! (beep). Can Chosens swear? (laughs) I'll keep this hot cash on me. - I wish I had hot cash. - I was I was going to hit up
the mall afterwards, anyways. - Prepare your cards for
the second round, Chosens. Three, two, one, go. - Holy onion! - That's an Outback Steakhouse gift card. - You may be the most
powerful Chosen I've ever met. I've played my Walter Edgars'
Lockheed Martin security pass. - Uh!
- Whoa! - Whoa! - As we all know, Walter Edgars is one of the brightest minds at Lockheed Martin. - I haven't seen one of those since 1935. - Specifically, Walter Edgar's
invented the meat beam. - Yes, he did invent the meat beam. - Meat beam, love meat beam.
- Yes. - I once survived off meat
beams for three weeks. - Easy.
(laughs) - Chosen, how did you come across this security clearance card? - In my universe, Walter
Edgars daughter was kidnapped. - And then... - And then the kidnapper was
trying to call Walter Edgars to ransom his daughter, but misdialed. You see I'm one digit off from Walter Edgars phone number. But I received the call and I told them, I will find you and I will snap your neck. - Just like Taken the film. - Just like Taken. And in
reward Walter gifted me his security pass. - Wow. - Chosen, why do you think the Outback gift card
would be better than that? - Have you tried their cheese fries? - Yeah, they're fricken good. - Yeah, fricking good.
- So good. - So good, Jesus. - I once survived of their cheese fries and coconut shrimp for three weeks. - Incredible.
(laughs) - Wow. - Where were you?
- At that steakhouse, what. - You couldn't leave? - No. (laughs) - This goes to the
security clearance card. - Ugh!
- Thank you. - Now prepare your cards
for the final round. Three, two, one. - Wow, a joker card. - You have played a vaccination card for a Spencer Agnew. (laughs) - Yes. Well, as a
moderator of our atheism, I am a believer in science, I only acknowledged the scientific powers, the scientific community. - I haven't heard the name
of Spencer Agnew in decades. - Decades.
- Decades. - A legend some say. What
kind of vaccine did he get? - Obviously, Moderna. - Impressive Dolly Parton. - Impressive.
- Yes. - Dolly Parton.
- Dolly Parton. - So Chosen, why would
this vaccination card win this battle? - Because science trumps all. - Okay. Chosen, why would
your joker defeat this? - My joker card is more
of a feeling of myself than a weapon against my opponent. - Favorite joker actor on three. one, two, three, Jared Leto. - Jared Leto.
- Heath Ledger. - Jack Nicholson.
- Uh! - Heath Ledger. - I understand why you
played the joker. I mean, look at your hair. - That was a great joke. (laughs) - But as you see the joke has been on all of you this whole time. I have a secret to reveal. - What happened? - I am not chosen.
- What? - Wow
- Whoa! - Wow
- Whoa! - I am a chosen Chosen super fan. - Wow!
- Whoa! - Wow!
- How did you get here? - That is right, wearing my new chosen, Chosen super-fan shirt. Also known by a different
name at smosh.com/store. I can show the world that I
am a chosen Chosen super fan. - Ugh! I feel violated.. - That's so impressive, that
shirt is fricking badass. Holy (beep).
- Are those three wolves? - Impressive. - We interrupt this epic battle of Chosens to bring you an important message. There are boxes on smosh.com
that you can acquire. Inside they contain many mysteries. Including one of these posters
signed by me, The Chosen. And if you receive one
of these signed posters, you two will be Chosen and you
will have to fight vampires and warriors from the underworld
and other crazy stuff. So good luck. All right, back to this
fricking awesome tournament. Since you are not chosen, unfortunately, this round differs to the actual Chosen. - Ugh! - That is understandable. - Congratulations, you
move on to the final round. - Uh! - Chosens, you have both shown yourselves to be incredibly powerful. Are you ready for this round? - As ready as I want to be I guess. - One second, my stomach. - Are you having heartburn? - Do you need Pepto? - I don't know. It's just feeling what... I need to self-medicate. - Oh my god! - A flaming hot Mountain Dew. - Yeah. Sorry, as I'm banned
from all local hospitals. I must self-medicate. - I like how you're drinking
out of a, some sort of... - Beaker .
- Beaker. - Yeah, in order to
measure the correct dosage. - I believe this Chosen, is a science experiment
created by a laboratory. - BCO is banned from a giving
unsolicited medical device to dying patients and
subsequently administering the com jabar - Nice Dune reference. - I feel much. - Please select your cards
for this first round, three, two, one. Chosens, what have you presented? - Oh (beep), that's the wrong card. Similar cards but
different card that I had. (laughs) - Are you proposing a mulligan? - I am not. My apologies, may we continue? - Present your card. - That's not fair, she
already saw my card. - I didn't, I didn't look. - She covered my card. - What cards have you presented? (laughs) - Oh God, I just need it a second (laughs)
I just need a second. - Chosen, what have you presented? - Chosens, I bring to you my
power play card to laser tag. - Whoa! Holy (beep) (beep). That's one of the most powerful cards ever made in any universe. - I don't use it but it is
also the Baton Rouge edition. - Oh, Jesus Christ!
- Whoa! (group chattering) - Chosen.
- Traveler. - What do you have to combat this? - Well, as everyone knows my
favorite film, American Psycho. - That makes a lot of sense, actually. - Not for the reasons you think. I simply admire Jared Leto. Well, it's the business card from the eponymous business card scene. - Of course!
- Of course. - That's bold and the print is something
called Cillian Braille. - May I feel? - Yes. - (gasp) He's right.
- Oh my God! - Raised lettering. - Unfortunately, there
is nothing more powerful than a laser tag card.
- Yes. - This first round goes to the Chosen. - Understandable.
- Well played. - It is the superior sport
as paintball hurts too much. - Exactly.
- Yes. - Select your second cards. three, two, one. Chosen on the left,
what have you presented? - This is a Milk Bean's
Disney vacation card. - What!
- Wow! - Don't speak of the one
and only Garrett Palm - Also known as Milk Bean. - Yes, I've perfected
the art of pickpocketing my sneak level is over
75, permitting me perks. - Incredible!
- Impressive. - Pickpocketing Garrett is
really not that difficult. (laughs) He's a rather low level NPC, - His very large pockets at all times too. - And many of them, if you
just have your hand out, as you walk past him, you're most likely to get some stuff. - Okay, let's not discount my actions. - Okay, fine. Chosen, what do
you have to fight against us. - Huh! Only an ultimate enemy. This is Leonardo DiCaprio's - I enjoy his on The Beach. - This is his one and
only driver's license. - Whoa! - You got Leo's Driver's license. - Yes. He lost to me in a
competition of tic-tac-toe. - He was unironically addicted
to gambling at one point. - Yes. That's why he
literally gave me his life. - Interesting. I'm actually
going to give this to the Disneyland card.
- What! - That's impressive, on my part. - I think it's more useful in this case. Prepare for the final
round. You guys are tied, three, two, one. (gasp) - I invoke the power of salt. - My God, he's invoked the power of salt! - I yield, I yield. - Fine you win! (clapping) - As you know salt was a
Europe currency for the nomads and I myself, am somewhat of a nomad. Worth its weight in gold- - Wait! - What? - [Chosen] That's a lot
of salt on that finger. - Hmm. It's good. Reminds
me of Annie's pretzels. - The Chosen that has won! (clapping) By invoking the power of salt. - The power of salt has been invoked. - Now Chosen. You must face me. - That was kind of all I had. (laughs) - Siri, end workout. - So Chosen. You've made
it this far. Impressive. I have to say you're probably
one of the most powerful Chosens I've ever come across in all my years facing Chosens. All right, are you ready to begin? - As I've said. - Chosens, have you selected your cards? - Yes. - I have - Three, two. one. - Da-Da-Da-Da-Da... Do - Oh! One sec. - I have played Blue Eyes Toon Dragon. - What!
- Oh! - It exists in the toon world. - I thought it was only a myth. - Making it almost unaffected by most things. - Iconic. - It's very powerful. So what, am I supposed
to be impressed by that? - Hahaha! Yes. - Chosen, what card you presented. - I presented a Dark Raticate. He harnesses the power of
normal and dark type Pokemon. - Yeah but it's just a fricking Raticate. - Very weak to fighting,
Hyper Fang is one of the strongest moves canonically. - True. - We should discuss. - Yes. - I think it's obvious.
- I think so too. - I agree. - I like the first one. - Please do the honors. Oh wait. You know what, no. - You do the honors. - You're not even real.
- You're not real. - I'm a chosen Chosen super-fan. - You do the honors.
- Thank you. - Can we get him out of here? - Hey! I don't feel comfortable.
I have this original shirt. (sword falling) Oh (beep), I'm so sorry guys. (laughs) - The winner of this round is The Chosen. (grunt)
- Yes! - Three, two, one. - Whoa! Is that what I think it is. - Yeah, I think so. - It's unmistakable. - Have you broken the sacred oath? - No but I have tested myself. The true test of a chosen
is how powerful his focus and self control is, which
is why I enter a sex shop. And I just stand there silently for hours, proving that I am unaffected
by the temptations. You can even see by all the stamps on it. (laughs)
- Jesus! Every time I've succeeded
and lasted five hours without even blinking, they put sex on one of those circles because I am unaffected by it. - Wow!
- Wow! - I once had a boner for
three weeks and did nothing. - Impressive. - Coincidentally, it was the same week I survived on hotdogs. - Impressive. Please
elaborate your card Chosen. - Well, as we all know, Time Crisis two is the superior arcade game. - Obviously.
- Naturally. - This card presents unlimited tokens for Time Crisis one, two, and four. - Jesus Christ! (beep) - Also the lost world light gun game - What!
- Whoa! - That game unmistakeably the best. - My God, that game was
so freaking awesome! - It's really good. Unfortunately, Time Crisis
three has been out of order. - Oh (beep). - It has - I've been pestering them about it for, going on three years. - Wow!
- Tragic! - Doing the Lord's work.
- Yes. - We have no choice. - Yes
- We have no he choice. - No choice has been presented. - No choice has been represented. Chosen, you are the Victor. - Yes!
- Damn it! - Have you selected your
cards for the final round? - I have.
- Yes. - Chosens, you may place your cards on the table in three, two, one. - Ah!
- Yah! - Uh!
- Oh my God. - Wow.
(gasps) - It can't be - Oh my science. - It's like the prophecy foretold. - I have played a tarot card that I received from a powerful
sorceress named Andromeda. It is the tarot card of death. The only card that nothing can defeat. - Except perhaps the power of the devil. - The only thing that
death can't kill is that which is already dead. - Yeah. - Death is but the vehicle
to the devil himself. - Death is only the beginning. - I tried to Kill the
devil, classic mistake. - Classic mistake.
- Classic mistake! - This is impossible. - I think it leaves us only one choice. - It brings me pain to
have to discuss this. - Can we huddle? - I was going to, I, I, okay.
(laughs) - Watch the sword, watch the sword. Okay. - Ah, DuckTales Lego's interesting. - What really? - Yeah. - Holy (bleep) - I'm actually not
lying. It's a real thing. - Oh my god, that looks
incredible. I want that. - How much is? - $24,99. - It's a good price for DuckTales. - I'm reading it backwards like a Manga. (laughs) - Chosens please
- Chosens! - Chosens please!
- Chosens please! - Yes!
- The results are in. - We have to discuss the final- - Please. I just got to the Ninjago pages. - Wow! Pretty sick. - We've decided - The greatest Chosen and ultimate Chosen is... - A tie! - Oh!
- Dang it. - We have no choice the death and the Devil would not
exist without one another. It is a perfect equal tie. - Poetic. - Chosen, you are a worthy adversary and I'm happy to have you as my equal. - Chosens, thank you for showing up today. Well your not technically Chosen, but thanks for showing up and
showing us that sick shirt. - Thanks for the vibes.
- Yeah, of course. - This has been the battle of The Chosens. This time it was a tie
but perhaps next time, I will prove myself as the most chosen of all the Chosens. Chosens, thank you for coming today. - Thanks.
- Thanks for having us. - Bringing us together for the
ultimate battle of battles. - The good news is, it doesn't end here. There are other of my
battles from the past, down here below. - Two portals to new dimensions. - Of any experience.
- Exactly. - Chosens, thank you. You may now return to the
dimensions from whence you came. - All Right.
- Sorry. - Do I need to call an Uber or anything? - I prefer Lyft.
