The Best of: Jeff Dunham, Walter & MORE!

look walter i know for a fact that you love your family you still love your wife and i think that even at this age every once in a while you should still try and be romantic with your wife good lord like how i don't know do you ever speak to your wife in a foreign language like in french some women love that i call her a french name now and then most cherry quasimodo so is there romance between you two well not long ago my wife left the trail of rose petals on the floor for me oh into the bedroom right out the front door you know there are plenty of romantic places in this country you could go for a special time together like where top of the empire state building oh no we tried that the security guard took one look at her and went uh-oh king kong see just like that you've been married for over 45 years have you ever said anything to your wife that you truly regretted oh yeah will you marry me i love you like that come on when your wife is in a romantic mood you ever think about taking one of those little pills cyanide oh yeah i do actually [Applause] come on what does your wife put on when she's feeling frisky at bedtime night vision goggles then she sneaks around the house and hunts my ass down it is scary stuff my friends when was the last time you even put your arms around your wife couple weeks ago when she was choking on a piece of steak you see there he gave her the heimlichy i know i was drunk i don't know what i was thinking i was so close maybe you could do something simple like watching a movie together oh no every time we watch a movie she falls asleep then the next morning i have to drive back to the theater to pick her up and bring her home have you done anything fun in town here this week you know i don't like getting out oh you're a little bit of a hypochondriac yeah why do you wear one of those paper masks why it's taped or you can't stop anything i mean hell the constitution is taper and it's never stopped our current administration [Applause] trying to get a read on the crowd tonight so i tell you you're not exactly happy with our government right now are you kidding me congress's approval rating is at 12 percent jock itch has a higher rating than that so you're paying attention to the presidential candidates oh yeah how would you feel about a female president oh silently just whoever it is make sure it's after she hits menopause walter what i was there when my wife went through it she had been president then holy crap i'm hot i'm cold i'm sweaty i'm clear these you russia watch the missiles [Applause] how you doing papa j i'm doing pretty good so what's been going on lately well uh last week i went to another nascar race and got hurt hamlet drunk again oh no it's the same drunk i just keep extending it yeah if you're not drinking at a nascar race you're not at a nascar race where are you you're at golf and bubba j do you drink excessively i don't know what that word means what's the longest you've ever gone without a beer how long have i been out here less than a minute there you go do you know you're drinking limits uh daily or lifetime how can you tell someone's lifetime limit on drinking beer well if they die when they're drinking that was it what i meant was do you know how much beer you could have before you've had too much i could have too much beer sure that would be fantastic have you ever drank as much as you wanted yeah what happened you looked pretty can't you have fun without beer yeah but why risk it i don't know would you rather drink beer out of a can a bottle or on tap oh yes yes and yes just remember bubba j you should never drink alone oh you're not fooling anybody that's why you have us so your favorite time to drink is at sporting events no yes yeah it's good yeah do you drink beer every day only on like days off oh you don't have a job my favorite holiday to get drunk on is saint patrick's day oh oh there's all the germans right i didn't know you were irish i'm not i also get drunk on cinco de leo and martin luther king day and i'm not mexican or black okay i'm all sorry sorry sorry what i don't want anybody thinking i'm racist why would anyone think you're racist because i said mexican and i also said black bubba j it's okay to say mexican and black it is sure why because everybody here is white no it's just okay to use those words okay well thanks for keeping me real cracker [Applause] so i understand you flew in today yes on a commercial airline yes no problems like what you know the tsa the x-ray machine you idiot for you it's an x-ray for me it's a selfie so are you enjoying your time here oh very much i get recognized a lot in hollywood i was out in front of the theater today signing autographs they thought i was an olsen twin oh screw you that's a funny joke [Applause] that's reminds me did you know i have been adding to my career skills lately doing what i am now not just a dead terrorist i am a dead cyber terrorist a cyber terrorist don't forget to like me on facebook you know aquaman maybe for a different line of work you could do something that would help people like what i could answer a suicide hotline i'd be like no no you're fine go ahead you're good that's horrible they're laughing not my fault so if you're going to be a cyber terrorist do you have a new catchphrase besides i kill you oh yes this is a good one it's going to scare the crap out of you i click you why are they laughing because cyber terrors makes you sound like a nerd being a cyber terrorist is not easy it takes balls not real ones what are you looking at you partner what the hell yes they're gone i lost and then the explosion bye bye balls and i found them again yeah balls don't bounce there they are [Applause] any and you kept them dude you don't just throw away your own nuts what the hell would that work hello salvation army have i got something for you what'd you do with them well i didn't like a key chain or something like that or hiding underneath pillow and wait through the ball fairy wait is there such a thing how much could i get from the ball theory it's a matching set in the original rattler oh okay don't ask me how i carry them [Music] i have a ball boy all right you don't have them with you no no they're at home and i jumped to her so achmed what does a cyber terrorist actually do as i said d4 no more killing you never have killed anyone silence i delete you is that a new phrase wait a minute how do you delete someone it's not as easy as you think you first had to highlight the backstage but explain what a cyber terrorist actually does i terrorized my computer okay but what do you think the best weapon you have is to make computers not work windows vista do you send spam you idiot no pork oh that one is for all my jewish friends out there yay have you spread any viruses well before the explosion i had a little itch but it went away if you're a cyber terrorist who's your biggest enemy now the cia the fbi siri i asked her to search the web for booby traps and she said i found a number of hooters near you don't go to any more coffee places you know what i heard the other day i heard that some folks get something called a coffee in a i don't know what that is i don't want to know what that is and please don't let it ever show up on the ninja at starbucks on the other hand if you really want to pull an awesome joke when you're standing in line secretly write it on the chalkboard menu then you get to register it point to it and say last time i had that one frozen it gave my butt the shivers i'm gonna open my own coffee place this could be a whole new line of beverages for me the cafe duterte the estresso the crate the best part of liking up this coffee in your butt stop it how haven't you been like this yes sir you're addicted to caffeine is there any way you can get off it i try to attach that didn't work why i stuck it on my arm took it off my arm rolled it up smoked it yay and then i tried some kind of gum but that didn't work gum because i got it mixed up with a condom and that was a big ass bubble i blew right there you lost a shoe no dude i found one what the happened it's not flirty i hate you i guess i know what we're not going to see on tv i'm a professional sorry i just kind of got away from me there sorry peanut [Music] stand up come on you're fine close your mouth a half a hat close your mouth apparently they can understand you and i can't yeah apple can you close your mouth ah oh help me to close your mouth oh yeah what the hell it's not a hit what's your head that i hit [Music] oh see so i what is [Applause]

Channel: Laugh Society

Views: 1,294,163

Keywords: comedy, comedians, humor, Comedy Dynamics, stand up comedy, comedy central, comedy show, stand up, best comedy, best comedian, entertainment tonight, jeff dunham, arguing with myself, bubba j, controlled chaos, all over the map, spark of insanity, comedy special, just for laughs 2021, stand up comedy reaction, jeff dunham biden, jeff dunham peanut, jeff dunham achmed the dead terrorist, jeff dunham walter, jeff dunham full show, jeff dunham bubba j, jeff dunham christmas

Id: TbWjqNtRjG4

Length: 14min 31sec (871 seconds)

Published: Wed Nov 24 2021