"That Dude Just Went 🅲🆁🅰🆉🆈" Stories

what are your favorite dude just when crazy stories I used to work in a large pet store in the small animal fish section half the people that worked in my area couldn't care less about the animals I always freaking hated them for it they were just being lazy at a poor animals expense anyway we tried to pair up a caring person with a lazy person in the hopes that crap would get done so one day I come and four-second shifts and the one responsible girl comes running up to me apparently the other person we will call Eric went ape crap crazy and fed a bunch of different animals to a couple Savannah monitors like a little Komodo dragon he did this out in the open in front of people and their children normally we fed the snakes live mice in the back so all in all the Savannah monitors ate a Finch a couple of Noah's a mouse a hamster a rat pinky baby and who knows what else he tried to feed it tarantula to them but they didn't eat it I believe he was really high on something probably acid he left before I got there and was fired quit he came back in a week or so later to get his paycheck and the manager told him to GTFO and that they would mail it to him I just remembered they ate a scorpion also that was gross to see in its poop later so worked for a car rental place it's the night before the 2007 New Hampshire primary and we are going insane and so many reporters activists campaign workers and the light pouring in we have had to more than double our fleet of cars anyway Hillary Clinton is having a campaign event across the way at a health club literally right across from a secured spike strip protected parking lot now we're stacked to the gills nowhere to put any cars people see our drivers pulling into the secured lot and think it's a place for them to park it's totally not it's poorly lit has no set spaces chaotic half covered in snow and crowded but so they pull in and the way the sensor works it would let you in automatically but to get out you needed a code so we got two three people inside before we realized WTF was going on way we go to escort them out and this huge dude is losing it he's like six feet six inches probably about 60 or 65 and rail-thin he's slamming on the hood of his car screaming well why can't I leave it here you're interfering and democracy your fascists while my coworker is trying to explain that none of this matters you can't leave your car on our lot the guy starts punching his window til it cracks screams now look at what you've done at my coworker jumps in and tries to drive off he gets to the exit and his passenger gets out and holds up the bar stopping him from driving over the spikes he then drives right over them popping all four tires he gets out screams in incoherent rage and just walks away leaving his car there we had to tow it out of the way to get our cars out for the rest of the night TL DR crazy political activist screams smash his own window pops for off his tires because we wouldn't let him park this story comes from my dad from his army time in Angola he was in the South African Defence Force one of the smaller weaker guys in his unit suddenly starts going ape crap just total Hulk mode screaming incoherently and tossing crap around other guys from the unit try and restrain him but this guy just tosses em off like they weigh nothing anyway they finally get him to a doctor turns out the guy had a beetle in his ear canal just chewing away and he was totally back to normal after they got it out but the point is beetles in your ear turn you into the Hulk I was at Waffle House at 2:00 in the morning when this scraggly looking guy with long gray hair walks in and sat down at one of the tables one of the waiters comes up to take his order and he yells I don't want any bank food so he sits there for a minute and goes outside to smoke a cigarette and the whole time he's outside he's just talking to himself he comes back in and goes where the Frick is my food the waiter tells him he didn't order anything so he tells her what he wants as the food is being cooked he pulls out this big butt knife and just licks it while staring at the waitress about this time she calls the cops and when they show up he immediately jumps out of his chair and runs behind the counter and yells call the police to which the cops reply we are the police then they tased him and handcuffed him also this was right outside of Sand Mountain Alabama which is a pretty prominent em town and that's why we made sure our weekend Waffle House trips always ended before the bars closed senior year of high school there was this kid smearing crap on the walls of all the boys bathrooms it was going on for months and no one knew who was doing it he was notoriously known as the poop attractor it got so bad that they eventually locked all the boys bathrooms except one that was monitored by the faculty one day at lunch someone shouted they caught the perpetrator everyone gets up and sees the vice-principal and a few faculty chasing this fat greasy haired freshman down the hall out into street I'd never heard anything about it again was so expecting everyone gets up and sees the vice-principal being escorted away by security there's a story at my work about a guy at my work he's a really friendly calm nice guy apparently a number of years ago he was working a lot of overtime and tried to get a cup of soup from the vending machine and it got stuck apparently he very calmly came back with a hammer smashed the glass then sat down and ate his soup they gave him a few weeks off and he's still working here a couple weeks ago I was sitting next to the vending machines and he came in and chose a soup it fell and got stuck I got really nervous but he just left I bet he thought about it worked at the airport for a long time pushing wheelchairs for handicapped passengers I was sitting near the drop-off entrance this awesome Mexican guy comes running in heavily accented sweating a bit and came up to me sort of hush-hush and asked here do you have pancakes here I was like Huck pancakes do you have pancakes no this is an airport sir there are no pancakes here and that dude just booked it out of the building I just imagined a whole backstory where he has a pregnant wife who is freaking out over a pancake craving and you guys let him down by not whipping up some pancakes when I was in fifth grade there was the kid in my class who was known to be a problem child during bathroom breaks he had to go in alone after everyone else because once he walked up behind me while I was at the urinal and started dry-humping me he did things like that all the time one day the class is working on a project or something when the teacher calls him over to the desk to this day I have no idea what she said to him all I know is a second later I hear him scream at the top of his lungs and start charging across the room there was a lectin in his way so he picks it up and throws it just missing hitting me with it by about a foot he keeps charging toward the door flipping desks and anything else in his way he goes out in the hallway tears down a giant art project we had hanging on the wall at this point the teacher finally stands up and walks out to stop him right before he can push a huge wardrobe thing it was on wheels down the stairs after this we never really saw him much he would return to school for a little while but eventually he would do things like this and wouldn't be at school again the last time I saw him was sometime around middle school after that we joked about how he almost killed me a few months ago he was all over the news because he murdered a girl I think that last line really pulled the story together last summer Taco Bell kinda near Union Square in NYC pretty late night goin not surprised how dirty it is nor how loud and rowdy it is either just people laughing yelling at each other and throwing trash around kinda like a movie scene but seems relatively good-natured drunk and goof off session going on in there next thing I know a dude kicks opened the door and starts grabbing the chairs and throwing them around the place I mean full-on hucking them around the joint I think he got like maybe for successful good chucks and a few more weaker ones he gets up to the counter and dude behind the counter just grabs a baseball bat from under the register area and stares the guy down saying don't make me use this then the madman rolls out yelling at everyone goes back to business as usual at a high-school party one of the kids there was a Tucker Max disciple he always tried to be the alpha male party bro cocky chick banger anyway he kept telling people to punch him in the face and to see what happens so some kid goes up to him looks him in the eye and socks him straight in the jaw he went down he immediately gets up runs upstairs and he comes down with a knife and a phone he starts screaming I am gonna knife your frickin butt's then call the cops this was a strange thing for him to say considering he had been arrested multiple times and would be calling the cops on himself for underage drinking the whole party goes silent two of his friends slowly start approaching him and grab the objects out of his hands needless to say he hasn't been invited to many parties since kudos to the kid that hit him what a dumb crap thing to say I was standing in a grocery store parking lot a row away from some kids in their car they had some older guy go in and by then a bottle of liquor when he comes back out I guess there was some dispute over the price because they start arguing and the older dude just throws a half gallon bottle of whiskey on the asphalt and runs off kids these days have no respect when I was at age getting strangers to purchase my alcohol I was grateful and let them keep the change I was a party at a friend's house back in the late 80s there's this gigantic dude there who none of us knew carrying around an almost empty bottle of tequila he's friggin linebacker sized and crazed from the drink he's picking on this totally small skinny harmless friend of mine yeh gantter all of a sudden approached his tiny friend and are of nowhere sticks him in the side with a Swiss Army knife this all happened so fast nobody can stop it besides he is [ __ ] to the tequila King before I can grab my girl and exit the premises party owner appears out of nowhere with a point three eight revolver snaps the cylinder into place and yells all right let's knock this crap the Frick out I got the Frick out of Dodge tiny bleeding friend was okay with a couple stitches have no idea what happened to you gone to the idiot Uganda the tequila King best title packed shopping mall height of Christmas season from deep within the crowd some guy holes often lets out a blood-curdling frustrated primal scream after a few second silence people laughed because he basically just said what everyone was thinking imagining this made me laugh in the pub a man with a massive mustache walks in does a handstand and then just leaves completely silent the greatest thing I have ever seen no doubt displaying the physical benefits of lifting kettlebells and boxing kangaroos early 2000s my dad is taking my sister and died out to dinner because we didn't have time to eat at home we end up going to Culver's it's a bit busy there in the middle of their dinner rush the three of us are standing in line inside we get to the front and then the cashier just walks away doesn't say a single word to my dad just walks off his shift must have been up or something anyways we're standing there for five maybe ten minutes my dad is beginning to get P off finally he manages to catch an employee as he is rushing by excuse me we've been standing here for a while my dad says the employee gazes at the cash register and looks back up at my dad oh this register is closed my dad is usually a really chill guy but he was not in a good mood this day what that's bogus suddenly my dad is shouting at the top of his lungs and my sister and I quickly look at each other like what embarrassed we end up having to drag my dad out of the Culver's while he continues to shout that's bogus that's bogus we ended up going to Burger King instead it's really hard to take somebody seriously when they are using the word bogus but this sounds like it would be awesome to see fine gene at one of my normal strip clubs I work at this huge our lifts things up and put them down type Mexican Puerto Rican Brazilian something South American guy decides to take out his phone and try taking pictures of the girls one of the bouncers comes over and exclaims that he can't do that and to put the phone away or he would take it the guy nods and puts his phone away 20 minutes later he is back at it again the bouncer comes over and takes his phone and walks away the dude flips he gets up starts screaming in Spanish flips two tables and is pointing at the bouncer who took his phone the bouncer approaches him to handle the situation and the guy shouts as a bouncer clear across the club he continues to flip out but his time is coming to an abrupt end we have a 6 feet 7 inches easily close to 300 pounds of pure muscle African bouncer he also is a black belt and a very well trained MMA fighter he sneaks up behind the guy puts him in a sleeper hold and about 8 seconds later the guy drops to floor the bouncer bends over grabs the dude by the belt pants lifts his whole body off the ground with one arm looks at everyone yells out craps fine and then proceeds to carry him out the front door with one arm the dude looked like a human duffel bag BAMF how I can just imagine a big black dude I freaking goddess go back to partying at my school one girl who had perfect attendance her whole life got Atari and was caught by an administrator she simply be slapped the administrator and walked away I'll allow it worked phone tech support for a major internet I see one day this guy who was a manager completely lost his crap over nothing a little background on this dude imagine kind of a pot-bellied stare a typical Jewish guy kind of like a character Larry David would make only less interesting dude was somewhat irritated here and there but rarely ever did I hear him raise his voice and when he did it was rather underwhelming service one day he's with another manager type on the core floor this other manager is a really young thin pale guy who I believe even had medical problems so the young manager is kind of flirting with a female co-worker and jokingly takes her pen away the Jewish manager guy for some reason feels the need to step in okay that's enough give her back her pen the younger manager continues to taunt the female co-worker by not giving it back she was giggling and such the whole time this is going on suddenly though sila old jew guy switches to beast mode and goes gimme that mother freakin pen and tackles the dude onto the floor a buddy of mine at the time got a snapshot of the altercation so in the pic there's this portly jewish guy on top of a skinny pale dude clutching onto a pen and in the fetal position on the floor and all this happened on my day off i was pee I didn't get to be there in person there was a huge taboo about this pic going around the company at the time it was supposedly permanently deleted but someone showed it to me like three years after the incident I'll see what I can dig up ha I didn't think I had one but my memory tweaked while I was reading responses I used to work in the IT department for a software company it was in an upscale part of town in the developers owned a bunch of high-end sports cars so we had IT maintained cameras on the parking lots so in the middle of the day one of our users walks in to shoot the crap and mentions did you see the fight in the parking lot my co-workers just respond with one that I'm half way to bringing up the security system sure enough we find video of these two run-of-the-mill cars pull into the parking lot and stop in the middle of a lane the drivers get out and just start swinging in that pathetic way non movie fights happen one guy got in a pretty pathetic looking jump kick that was fun after getting a couple of its in they both go back to their cars and drive off the elapsed time less than two minutes I save the video and my coworker links the rest of the company to it we got pretty chewed out for that one I thought that was the end of it with the next day a cop drops by asking us if we had any info on the incident I burned the video to a CD for him and as I'm giving it to him I asked him if he has any idea who they were he says there were some Eastern European types I can't remember if there were friends are just acquaintances I tell him that's crazy and asked him if they were okay after the fight oh no a few minutes after they left here one guy stabbed the other he's in the hospital I saw a girl run over her boyfriend in front of a bar once it was just like the movies where he flips up over the hood of the car I would love to know what he did to set her off so technically she ran under him I went to military school for my junior year of high school and back then I was fat had lots of acne and crooked teeth I got picked on a lot as an all-male school and some other was fricking mean made a few good friends though because I was funny during the second-to-last day of school I come back into my room to find the picture of my grandparents that I had with a recording feature that allows them to record a message which they can playback had been erased and recorded over with look at these gay grandparents the worst part was my grandpa was dead he died of cancer I tried to figure out who it was and this is where I lost it I found who I thought might have done it and then smacked him upside the head with a keyboard he was completely confused and scared when I did that I demanded to know if he did this and he said no I played it again and he recognized the voice it was another person in the same company I talked to my friend Elkins about it who was a big rugby player he's about six feet four inches made of pure lean muscle and highly protective of his friends I showed him the image and he suddenly snaps and goes into a rage wachowski it's freaking wachowski and he storms off I follow him and he finds this dude and his whole face goes red and he decks the kid so hard he gets thrown to the ground and his mouth is bleeding if it wasn't for the four grown men holding him down he would have torn that kid to pieces one dude could barely hold onto him much less hold him down took like four guys just to get him to calm down mad respect for that kid for doing that yes I did apologized to the kid I hit in the head with the keyboard no we're in this thread do I say I did the right thing I was a high schooler who got picked on a lot come on guys give me a break I was getting on to the subway to go to school one morning and I get on and I noticed there are two seats open one next to a wrinkly old asian lady and one next to a somewhat menacing looking Mexican dude in an orange jumpsuit seeing as I didn't want us and and that I dislike sitting next to wrinkly old people I decided to sit next to the Mexican guy now my stop is roughly ten stops from where I got on about three stops from where I got on the dude starts looking at people and instantly I knew he was going to say something and I just thought wreck he then proceeds to shout everyone's reading the same paper and thus began the longest 20 minutes of my life he talked about the movie that transporter he talked about something incomprehensible with the only thing I understood being that he had a gun in his left pocket that he'd fire at my right eye and a gun in his right pocket that he'd shoot at my left eye and he also had a plastic bag full of paper that he proceeded to make paper airplanes out of and claiming that he was aiming them at people's eyes and that's the day I learned not to sit next to people who look like they just escaped from jail I was friends with an art student who graduated a couple years ahead of me for one of his senior thesis projects he asked a girl to find a friend to roll around nude and paint with her applying it to a canvas he told the one girl that he had collected his seed for a couple weeks in a plastic bag and mixed it with the paint she was going to roll around in crazy artsy girl agrees as well as agrees not to tell her friend as soon as he applied the paint of the women he reveals the nature of the paint to the other girl the two girls end up fighting on top of the canvas nude and covered in semen paint now that's some artistic genius right there I was at Disney World during senior year of high school with a few of my friends waiting at one of the bus stops the bus arrived and we got in at the back suddenly the rather elderly looking driver comes running to the back where we were sitting points a finger at us a bunch of obvious 18 year olds and yells at the top of his voice do you like Hannah Montana we naturally find the humor in this and yell back yaa aah at the top of our voices this goes back and forth a couple times and then he yells excellent you have just scored an autographed picture of Lenny the bus driver proceeds to hand us a picture of himself holding a picture of himself with a signature in the bottom and hops on off to the the bus for the rest of the ride he loudly sings random songs while driving we made sure to take a picture with him before we got off greatest bus driver ever removed u.s. army career guy was doing [ __ ] work day in and day out all admin work in a full office one day he loses it and whips out his dong and starts masturbating in front of everyone he said nothing the entire time just kept stroking they had to call the military police to separate himself from himself and they took him away was that all good music fest two years ago when I hear a crazy guy running down the road I turned to see a naked man get tackled face down on gravel yelling I'm gonzo Garcia and you are my sheep you will let me go and such for about ten minutes till they got a stretcher out there to strap him down to half way through the strapping him down he pee all over the security guard I was at this wedding reception in Tennessee in the middle of nowhere at the married couples house all of a sudden these two dudes just went crazy they were yelling at each other and began to get into a heated discussion I figure WTF I might as well see what this is all about could be epic what I walked into was something I'll never forget they were arguing about whose truck couldäôt tow the others both were ready to brawl it's out until someone said why don't y'all tie our toe strap to your hitches and drive in opposite directions I didn't stick around after that I don't really remember why but I do remember a few of them came to the party armed if you are new to 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Channel: On Tap Studios

Views: 53,153

Rating: 4.8987341 out of 5

Keywords: #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, sub, reddit cringe, memes, comment awards, dankify, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, chill, story, stories, reddit on tap

Id: N0nIxYQ_QdA

Length: 24min 23sec (1463 seconds)

Published: Sun Jul 05 2020