SWIPED - A Netflix Movie So Bad It Hurts

so this youtuber named Irene Rudnick commented on my latest video and said can you review the Netflix movie swiped it's utterly horrible and it got over 300 likes I guess I'm reviewing the movie swipe because if you guys want something you know your boy he's gonna deliver it to you just like the spider-man video it took me nine months to do so I just found out that Danny Gonzales Andrew good and both made videos on swiped to commentary channels that are much bigger than me haha that's good no it's fine it's not a big deal I've been getting DMS on Twitter asking me to make a video about the movie swipe well because everybody told me to talk about the movie swipe and I'm I'm making content for you guys so be nice to me so yes I watched the movie swiped and I wish that I had never watched the movie swiped it's very bad yes she wasn't wrong swiped more like wiped my ass with this movie cuz it's so bad when I'm writing my scripts for movie reviews I tried to sit through the movie twice at least just so I can absorb it better watching this movie for the second time was absolute torture 93 minutes of torture unbridled torture I wanted to kill myself god it's so boring the characters suck it's not interesting everything about this movie is terrible there's a couple of scenes that you're like oh ha that's funny cuz it's so bad but then the second time you're like oh god swiped is like if the social network had been directed shot and written by a 15 year old with every mental disability on earth so it starts with our protagonist knockoff jock I mean he even looks like Zuckerberg look at this guy so he's heading to college with his mother and sister his sister makes fun of him in the car for not interacting with people when she's on her phone so this knockoff Zuckerberg is named James so the movie brings us to James's dorm room James says one day I'll make an app that will truly make a difference one day I code an app that will really make a difference but later on in the movie he tells his roommate that he's already made all these super altruistic apps that have already made a difference so like there's multiple apps that you've made it oh well yeah oh 17 okay so what do they do okay well one of them led almost people to shelters another one assisted blind on public thoroughfares another one hosted local food drives one day I will code an app that will now I think it's important to clearly convey the characters names you know so the audience gets more familiarized with them and they can connect with them easier but this movie the characters say the name James about ten thousand times and I'm not joking they say it over and over it over and over and over James James okay James I James hi James we get it his name is James in real life people don't call each other by their names constantly it's just weird so we get introduced to James's roommate Lance and he's incredibly douchey just like straight away hey do you see a man to this person that he's never met before it's just not all that realistic people aren't just mean to a random stranger for no reason unless they've had a bad day and this guy doesn't come across like he's had a bad day he's just like an [ __ ] for no reason I know that mean people exist but come on we then get introduced to a character that I'll just refer to as crab because Lance has these two goons that he walks around with and they're very reminiscent of Crabbe and Goyle from Harry Potter just these two morons that hang around the cool dude so crab is talking to this girl named Hannah and he gets weirdly annoyed that she asks what his last name is it's what he need so much regulation like I get it this guy just wants to [ __ ] but seriously why is it a big deal but I'm gonna tell you what my last name is and I'm not gonna tell you where I'm from where I go to school or what I do at school okay you know what the best part is I don't have to literally no one on earth would care about this like yeah he doesn't want her to get attached to him but maybe he should just make that clear from the get-go just tell that you're interested in one thing and that's sex if this is how he acts with all women you would assume that he just doesn't get laid at all but he tries to make it known that he just gets tons of [ __ ] you see this this is a 24/7 portal to all this exit I can ever dream about all I have to do is click which makes it even weirder because later on the movie they try to create an app to get girls so what he's not getting enough girls what is it you would assume that these characters would want to get girls cuz they weren't getting laid enough but it seems like they're getting laid all the time like lance and his goons are just boning all these girls constantly but if that's the case why would they even need an app it's so dumb but I'm getting ahead of myself rewind so then Hannah's weird [ __ ] friend Rachel randomly decides that she wants to sleep with crab even though she wasn't even looking at crab or Hannah when they were talking and then Rachel walks away but she calls out to crab as if he's right there but he's not but she's like hey I'm ready to have some fun let's go so knock offs suck or James was creeping on Hannah this whole time just like you know sitting there staring at her he's got him a weirdo I guess so he approaches her and they start randomly talking about this moment in high school during prom when James sang her a song in front of hundreds of onlookers yeah that totally fits the introverted geek stereotype that's something that they would do it was my voice that bad no your voice was great they would try to impress a girl by singing in front of their entire school yeah what no the movie introduces James as this meek introverted geek that loves to code but there are many instances throughout the film that make him act otherwise I'm just never gonna sing again no you don't have to do that and you really don't have to do that for me I would do anything for you this movie just tries to confuse everyone Hannah then says please just walk me to my dorm and leave me alone please just [ __ ] me man why is she afraid she's gonna get raped or something I mean crab is walking around somewhere so who can blame her but she was walking alone to begin with so you'd assume that she would be fine with him just not walking her to her dorm why not just ask him to leave then she starts reading and walking at the same time she's a pretty epic multitasker and then she trips but it doesn't look real at all to the right first of all who reads and walks no one this had to be the first take of the scene I refuse to believe otherwise in fact every scene in this movie is probably the first take so then James walks back to his dorm but Lance is banging Rachel in there I guess she was making her rounds she just got done with crab and she moved on to the next guy so Lance tells James they needs to find somewhere else to sleep which is weird cuz like why didn't change just wait outside in the hall for like 10 minutes how long does it take to have sex you know are they banging all night I guess some people could do that but that just you know it takes a lot of endurance and personally I found that difficult in the past be quiet now the next morning Lance's weird misogynistic dad visits him like seriously he treats his girlfriend like trash she's like alright do this for me Lance doesn't want his dad knowing that he's sleeping with a girl which is weird considering their relationship that they're trying to portray here this is Inga and God the Father you would assume that there would be really buddy-buddy about that kind of thing so Lance forces Rachel out the window then Lance goes to class but he has a new [ __ ] with him he has a bunch of [ __ ] that he [ __ ] even though school literally just started he is lipstick all over his face so he bang this girl in the middle of the day and she doesn't mention to him that he is lipstick all over his face the teacher punishes James by making him explain the homework to the class because he was the only one that completed it alright James since you're the only one who apparently read the syllabus or completed the assignment would you care to stand up and explain it to the rest of the class why would she punish the only student that did the work by making him speak to the entire class that's so weird so then Lance Crabbe and Goyle approached James and tried to convince him to go along with this plan that they have to have all the students fail CS through this the teacher can't fail all of us logic and you tell me this guy went around to every single student in class and convinced them that they should fail just because he doesn't know what he's doing this seems pretty unlikely so then Lance tells James I will tell you if and when we do the assignments I'm gonna tell you if and when we do the assignments okay but I thought the plan was to not do the assignments do you say this just in case he gets this random urge to learn how to code you never know then lance and his goons start talking about dating apps but then Lance says that he doesn't need dating apps and he doesn't use them because it doesn't like paying for things like the movies or a dinner what's the point of a dating app when you have all these [ __ ] hilariously the movie tries to drive the point home that this guy gets laid you know dance by having this random girl stop him on the staircase and say oh why did you call me we slept together you never called me this movie tries so hard like to an exhausting degree to convince the viewer that Lance and his goons just wanna feel like we get it you don't have to drill it directly into my brain like 40 times like I'm hemorrhaging right now so these three stooges who definitely don't need sex right they don't need it but for some reason they want an app that will get them sex no strings attached that's the problem with these other dating apps because they have strings attached except they don't chaps like tinder you can just put in your profile that you don't want to date anyone that you're just looking for sex but I guess they want an app that's just about sex right they don't want one that has the possibility of dating oh I guess something about this app that is different from tinder is that their app won't show your name it won't show any information just pictures of yourself that's all you'll see and then you'll get a meeting time and a meeting place meet there and [ __ ] and that's it and then go your separate ways that's the point of the app even though I'm pretty positive that an app like that must exist somewhere even if it does it's probably not very successful because that's creepy as [ __ ] an app like that could be so easily abused guaranteed if this app actually existed pretty much all the people on there would be catfished not to mention later in the video they say that there's no age restrictions on this app [ __ ] weird it's like an online prostitution app for all ages so Lance goes up to James and takes his laptop from him and James is all intimidated by this guy right he's like he's like oh I wasn't doing homework I swear it's cool Lance is treating him like complete trash so they proposed the app to James and James was like oh well no I probably won't do it later in the movie Lance is shown driving a really expensive car so this guy's not only a dude she's a rich douche and hey James he just doesn't have a lot of money so Lance uses this to his advantage and convinces James to work on the app and in return he will pay for his admittance into MIT a college that James could not previously afford so then James starts building the app but that is personality does a complete 180 and if my desk in my chair well this isn't gonna take long right it's quick wait well I need it now if you want my help wait hold on you you decided to do it he goes from being this meek little geek guy you know he's really scared of the popular kids he converts completely from beta to alpha it's so weird both our conditions like no girls no parties no staying up until 3:00 a.m. with friends this will become a coding sanctuary his personality traits would stay the same even if he's doing something that is comfortable with why can't you just code in the study room down the hall no well I need my room no I need my room his personality changes completely he takes full control of the dorm he puts away Lance's stuff and doesn't think twice about how he might react to that even though Lance was bullying him earlier and I can't code anonymously except for in this room and I can't coat it all unless this is my sanctuary what just because you know how to code and you're doing something for him means that you just randomly turned to this guy that like is super confident where'd he where did he get all this confidence from nothing has changed really like I get it James is in his element and maybe if they showed like oh this is five months later that maybe I could believe kind of that James has become more comfortable in a situation okay then what am I supposed to do here like a turkey and Swiss on rye with lettuce tomato and mayonnaise like it's so weird James is asking Lance to make him tea and make him breakfast and all this shit's like what I get what the moves trying to do but it doesn't make any sense like the power dynamic between them wouldn't change this drastically just because James knows how to code so then in class Lance somehow convinces the teacher that he doesn't need to do the quizzes because he's building an app outside of class which would literally never work in the real world just share with the class details about your project mmm you know I would oh I really would but my contract with NASA ribbits me from saying anything and oh my god the acting is so bad in this movie oh yeah well we're working with DNA it's atrocious James gets sick and he does these super unrealistic fake coughs I'll work on that tomorrow hey I'm gonna do basically what he does oh [ __ ] but in the movie he's literally sick he's not convincing at all the first time I saw the movie I thought he was just making it up so Lance would do stuff for him a way that they could make the power dynamic switch a little bit more believable as if things stayed completely the same and then James got sick then he finds out that Lance is willing to do things for him so he starts playing with that a little bit and then when he gets better he continues trying to push the power dynamic into his favor trying to get Lance to do more things for him that would make more sense and then you can see Lance trying to push back on that a little bit and it would create tension between them that would be a little bit more believable but instead James just like oh hey I'm coding now so I'm the big boy I'm the alpha male get the [ __ ] out of this room and get me a sandwich I don't care how many girls you have sex but I know computer stuff so Lance and James aren't sure how to get people to switch from their current dating apps to this new dating app called jungle that they're making so lance and his goons gather like 10 dudes and they start spouting about how all jungle is gonna be the best new dating app you'll ever use because it's all about sex we don't have the time to know a girl's name no we don't have the time for them to know ours we don't have time for them to know our names we have school you really wanna pay for [Music] [Laughter] you don't have to use your name or your address you get to have sex with anyone even though girls will probably never use this app because it's creepy as hell but hey in this made-up world girls do miraculously use it it's a great way to get yourself arrested because you're probably gonna be banging an underage girl who doesn't know any better don't mind me and my cousin Jerry we're just gonna you know we're just gonna go on jungle and find some sex keep swiping Jerry damn you like all these [ __ ] don't you really want to get laid huh this jungle app is sick cuz hey you can post a picture of whoever your one they don't know your name break whoever you it doesn't matter their age who cares they could be four years old so these girls try to convince Hannah that she should use jungle by saying oh you'll be alone forever if you don't do this stuff because this is where the guys are do you wanna be alone no then you need to get on board and get with the apps that's why the guys are even though the app is explicitly just made for sex it doesn't make any sense especially when other legitimate dating apps already exist that she could use and then be far more effective and they have a much larger user base it's like Hello it's then revealed that surprise surprise the app is having a negative impact on the girls that use it because they feel like they're being used because apparently all the girls that use it are complete idiots and they didn't realize what they're getting themselves into let me get some useless scenes with James and his sister and then with James's mom she's hanging out with her friends and they're talking about jungle cuz somehow this jungle app that's made for children is making its rounds with adults because it's just blowing up that fast who knew that's very strange but hey the mother story in this movie is so awful they try to make us care about her but we just don't I mean it's hard to care about anyone in this movie and James's moms as friends tell James's mom that the app is sketchy and then has very awkward fine print but then they tell her oh you should probably just use it anyway it's fine just go for it we're adults but we don't have common sense either empty boy where's my brain it doesn't it's not in there this entire movie is an embarrassment from the acting to the framing the music choice the music volume it's like blasting in some scenes it's hard to even hear what the characters are saying some of the time and not only that some of it's Christmas music that's unbearable already trust me on that it's as if I didn't like Christmas music already this movie makes me wish Christmas didn't exist and the camera would pull in and out of focus at the wrong times in some scenes but I guess they just decided not to reshoot they must have done one take for every scene I swear to God if they didn't I'm astonished a lot of the shots were too bright they were overexposed and James's grandfather in this movie looks like he came straight out of the Chernobyl HBO series obviously he's had a lot of bad plastic surgery I want you to help me face the family let's go down there and you tell aunt killed of it you can't see that she had any bad plastic surgery excuse me what when it talks to a girl at a bar about jungle and says hey we should swipe sometime I guess that's like some new jargon some new lingo that was created by jungle we should swipe sometime it's like a new wave saying we should bang it's so stupid so the app goes live and surprise surprise the girls don't like it James has this crush on Hannah and she finds out that he's been working on it and he lied about working on it so she gets all mad at him but then his mom uses it which is so dumb and he doesn't want his mom to keep using it so he shuts down the app but then she says oh I'm gonna start using other dating apps so James shuts down every other dating app program must be down he desperately doesn't want his mom to have any fun he doesn't in an instant - it's like shut down then get this the girls in this movie convinced James to make another app another dating app but this time it caters to women not men so idiotic this movies so idiotic it's based entirely on women's interests not men so it's all about love it's all about relationships and dating nothing to do with sex no sex they're exchanging one problem for the other now a bunch of guys won't want to use this app because some guys just want to have sex and some girls just want to have sex - so it's like it makes no sense if this guy James is a genius and he's so good at coding and all this stuff why isn't he thinking of this how come all the characters in this movie are completely just brain-dead idiots and apps like tinder exist do those apps just not exist in this world because they clearly talk about other dating apps and how they need to compete with other dating apps but these apps that they're making wouldn't be able to compete in any way so just even the idea that they would blow up makes no sense why have a Daddy app like tinder where you can choose your own dating requirements when you can be completely restricted with apps like jungle so at the end of this painful painful piece-of-shit movie Lance is a changed man randomly and he falls in love with Rachel the same girl that he forced out the window because he didn't want his dad to meet her I guess he was in love with her the movie didn't convey that at all but I guess sure then James and Hannah are forced into this like creepy rape kiss with no emotional weight behind it there's no chemistry it's so awkward Wow Wow this movie is very bad you were right Irene Rudnick it is very bad holy [ __ ] there isn't one thing I like about this movie but anyway that's gonna do it for me guys here are all of my socials go follow me if you want I just recently started using letterboxed it's a pretty cool app and you can use it to see all the thoughts and ratings on all the movies that I see and go subscribe to my second channel Elvis the human I'll be trying to post a bunch of more down-to-earth stuff on there and go check out alien clothing comm where you can find a bunch of really cool stuff all those links will be in the description box below and thank you guys so much for watching all of your support is very much appreciated this might be one of the last videos I make in this place because I'm moving so that's fun so I'll see you guys in the new apartment and thank you to all my patrons I love all of you you're all so great if any of you know of any other weird or awful movies that you'd like me to make a video on then leave them in the comment section I'll be reading those and if I come across one that has enough likes and if enough people want it hey I'll do it I'll deliver alright thank you guys so much for watching again [Music] [Music]

Channel: Elvis The Alien

Views: 2,527,678

Rating: 4.9531837 out of 5

Keywords: swiped, noah centineo, swiped review, swiped movie, swiped netflix, swiped danny, elvis the alien, elvisthealien

Id: p3wrDZuL2Z8

Length: 24min 32sec (1472 seconds)

Published: Wed Jul 24 2019