JIU JITSU (2020) - A Garbage Fire Starring Nicolas Cage

i'm not too happy with you nick i'm sorry bro this movie it's not good i think out of all of the nick cage movies i've seen this one is definitely the worst it's so bad that it's hardly even memeable and the weirdest thing is that it seems like this movie should be like a really amazing meme if you're making a movie about aliens and jujitsu and nicholas cage wearing a long wig and him doing backflips and being all goofy it seems like a no-brainer you can pull off some pretty amazing memes in a movie like this unfortunately this movie is the worst thing i've ever seen it sucks to say this nick because i love your movies man but god damn it this one it's just so bad it's so it's so unbelievably terrible not even i could save 20 20. i've covered so many nic cage movies like mom and dad even the weird ones like between worlds they had some great memes they were fun to watch put your right foot in you take your right foot out giddy up this movie is just boring none of the characters are likable aside from nic cage and the worst part is i can hardly even show you guys why it's so bad because if i attempt to then the people who made the movie will take my video down angry joe made a review of this movie and they were manually taken down twice by lasso group it's like a company that represents paramount or something i don't know but they forced him to revise his review three times they weren't even claiming the video they just straight up removed it what are they trying to do are they trying to convince everybody that this movie jiu jitsu is good even the people that haven't seen it they have a good idea you know like this movie it's it's not great who are you trying to fool by taking these videos down in fact you're losing money by taking these videos down these videos are free promotion for your product i know they're trash talking your product but some people might be curious enough to go out and watch it because of these videos get a bunch of your mates together put in a dollar each it's only seven dollars on amazon prime and watch this because we had to okay so you could go through the torment with us i guess lasso group doesn't like money i'm not sure what they're trying to do i mean this movie lost money why does paramount hate money so much i don't get it what's going on and the worst part is that angry joe's first review was fair use in his third revision of his video he felt the need to recite article 13 and describe fair use to these people so they can get it through their thick skulls like you're being idiots these videos are helping you i know it it looks like they're not helping you because you know it's mean these are mean videos they're they're being mean to you i i get it but these videos are making you money i know it's it's hard to hard to believe according to imdb this is the lowest rated nicholas cage movie ever i'm not sure if it actually is but i'd agree it should be this movie is so so bad it's so unbelievably terrible okay where do i even begin with this so this movie tries to hook you in at the very beginning by showing nick cage with this burmese fishing hat thing and it's like oh my god there he is there's our boy nick he's there let's go this is gonna be fun and then he just kind of disappears for the next hour yeah they just kind of forget about him for a whole hour and then he comes back to be fair they only had nic cage for three days of filming and they did manage to get a lot of footage of him for this movie they must have been like rushing him around like come on nick let's go we gotta film this all right come on let's go we're filming this now come on nick god damn nicholas cage you're a hero honestly nick is the only redeeming part of this movie every single other character is bland and flavorless i don't even remember any of their names they should have had fun with this movie you know what i mean it's based off a comic book it's about these ninja guys that fight an alien that comes to earth to beat people up it's supposed to be stupid and silly make it stupid and silly why'd they go all serious with it i don't uh so bad it's so bad the director writer and producer of this movie is dimitri lagothitis legothytis i don't know how to say that name he basically only works on martial art movies it looks like these movies that i've never heard about kickboxer vengeance kickboxer retaliation wings of the dragon and to give some credit to this movie there are some relatively entertaining fight scenes and i know that's mainly what this movie is just fighting so if that was all dimitri was going for you know let's just i don't care let's just make a movie and have some cool fights in it then fine watch this movie if you want to but if you want to be entertained aside from just you know guy punches guy guy punches guy back then i would watch anything else apparently this is the first hollywood movie ever to be filmed in cyprus so f's in the chat for cyprus their first hollywood movie ever is an absolute train wreck and guess what guys nicholas cage's role was supposed to be for bruce willis so i guess this movie could have been worse and to think that was possible wow bruce willis is kind of in the same boat as nick cage right now just taking any role that comes his way please i need some money all these homes that i have i have to pay off the [ __ ] insurance i'm drowning in death nicholas cage isn't even the protagonist in this movie guess who is this guy named elaine moosie yeah i've never seen him in anything before he was in kickboxer retaliation and kickboxer vengeance so he definitely knows the director so the director was probably just being like really nice to this guy maybe they're lovers i don't know but i'm just gonna be honest elaine moosie is not a good actor it felt like he didn't even act in the movie i think he said like five lines i don't know he didn't say anything of note what's her name he did stunts in x-men apocalypse and suicide squad so he's got a pretty good track record oh my god it also stars frank grillo he's that tough guy that you see every once in a while in these action movies and you have no idea who he is he just kind of shows up because he's like he looks tough you know he's got that tough guy look to him so he just like tossed him in action movies he was in captain america the winter soldier and civil war those are probably the only movies you've ever seen him in he was also the sergeant in the purge anarchy so i guess there's that it also stars tony jaw he's a pretty renowned martial artist and fighter in movies this movie was all about just fighters fighting fighters it's funny because yeah there was some good action in this movie but the only fight scenes i cared about were the ones with nick cage because it's just hilarious thinking about nic cage like flipping around and doing stunts and fighting in general i guess i should start talking about the movie now so yeah the movie starts with this guy running through the woods there's a bunch of throwing stars being shot at him like a hundred throwing stars and they're all missing him somehow except for a few of them that hit him right before he jumps off of a cliff into some water then nick cage finds him in the water at night this burmese couple decides to revive this guy and they bring him to an american army base and the soldiers are like oh who is this guy and the burmese woman is like uh i can't speak english and so they bring over the translator and the translator is like acting all goofy because he doesn't know how to speak burmese very well it's stupid there's so many filler scenes in this movie honestly this translator guy is the second best character in the entire movie at least he has some character he has some sort of personality he's fun to watch you know hey crap man hey crap man the other characters are just blank slates that punch that's it so then this random guy that was saved by the burmese people is being interrogated by the american soldiers they're like oh who are you who do you work for blah blah and then tony jaws character comes out of nowhere he's like blending in you know all assassins creed style behind these monks and then he looks all menacingly at the soldiers he puts his hood down oh my god it's action time and then there's like a 10 minute action scene [Applause] tony jaw then proceeds to beat the should have like a hundred us soldiers and they're all armed with weapons like guns you know that shoot bullets he would be dead in an instant but okay this isn't the matrix he can't just dodge bullets he would die but yeah okay so this random guy comes out of nowhere and beats or should have all these soldiers there's even the scene of the soldier with a rifle and he just runs at tony jaw with the rifle and doesn't shoot it he just runs at him with the rifle in his hand he's like oh here i come i'm just gonna beeline it straight for the guy that's clearly better at martial arts than me instead of using the weapon that is in my hands to shoot him so yeah he saves elaine moosey's character and then they both start fighting all the soldiers they're both like insane martial artists the sound effects are so bad it honestly sounds like they download free stock sound effects from youtube or something it's awful and then the movie does something very strange it goes into first person so it shows elaine moosie's character i can't even [ __ ] talk i can't even tell you it's so stupid for whatever reason dimitri decided to go into first person with this fight scene a little bit it's very strange i don't think i've ever seen something like this before in my life except in that one movie what is that one movie called where it's like all in first person but that's like it's gimmick you know but this movie just randomly plops you into first person it's so weird it's like that doom movie remember when they go into like that random video game sequence it's really awful why did they do that i'm guessing dimitri has never seen the doom movie because if he had then he probably wouldn't have done this so elaine moosie's playing this guy named jake jake meets up with some more jiu jitsu people and they fight off some more soldiers there are parts in this scene where the soldiers shoot the jujitsu people point blank with their rifles and i guess nothing happens like they're right next to them they shoot them with the gun you know with the bullets cut out maybe they were using blanks i mean that would probably make more sense the funniest part is this mistake is so easily avoidable you know you don't have to edit in the bullet sounds and and the guns flashing in this part you know just don't do that and then you're good right like that's not something that you messed up during filming so then these random shock waves blow these people backwards i guess that's the alien so yeah remember this movie has an alien in it and i guess it has this weird shockwave ability i should probably explain the story right so it just seems so pointless so jake the main character is this insane jiu jitsu warrior and when he took that stumble off the cliff he lost his memory you know how like the hero always loses their memory and then that's how the story teaches the audience about everything because they have to teach everything to the guy again so he's slowly being taught again that there's this alien that comes out of nowhere and kills people and yeah you know so the soldiers apprehend jake again and they're very concerned about these random shock waves that are happening so they start talking to him and they're like yo what's going on dude can you explain this to us i'm sure you have the answers so the soldiers bring jake into the forest because i guess there's more radiation here or something i don't know plutonium they said plutonium a couple times in this movie let's just say it's not just about plutonium levels anymore whatever they're in the alien forest that's all you need to know and they get attacked by the alien that uh loves throwing stars so myra is the name of this girl cop and she escapes with jake mostly everyone else dies except for the american soldier captain guy and this is the first time you get to see the alien oh my god it's so cool looking it's like a human but with armor on and a screen over its face very alien coming from elvis the alien who who looks like me what i'm trying to say is this alien sucks doesn't look like an alien okay it doesn't remember those aliens from prometheus yeah those guys were more alien than this alien because at least they were they were huge and scary looking this guy's just like a dude in armor this captain guy picks up a machine gun and blasts the [ __ ] out of the alien and it kind of just falls over and it looks like it's dead and you're like oh okay so the movie's over then the alien's dead but of course it has healing powers because they they always do don't they in these movies they always have healing they can always heal he gets up off the ground and he grabs the american soldier guy and uses his microwave hand ability on his neck and ouch it really burns so that sucks for him so jake ends up running away from myra and ends up in nick cage's hut yeah nick cage has a hut and uh jake just kind of like falls into it he's like oh i'm here now i'm i'm in the nic cage hut misaka is you soccer they fight for a little while and i guess this scene is kind of fun to watch because nick cage is just fun to watch in general like you are pretty weird like you're a weird dude why thank you very much just the way he talks is entertaining that's my favorite chair i knew you'd find it comfortable i feel like this movie could have been better if they had an egg for more than three days it's funny because in the scenes where they don't use a buy double and they have nick's swing this this sword you can tell that he's kind of struggling to swing the sword nick does come in clutch with his famous ho ho-ho you know that thing that he does oh get off my piano and then we have i think one of the only memes in the entire movie nick tells jake that he makes paper hats out of newspaper you see the attention to detail it's an art it's that's what he does in his free time and then he puts one of these paper hats on i think that was my favorite part of the movie what do you think nick hey not my best work but this hat sure is comfortable check me later in the fight he goes see i can fly too see i can fly too it's obviously not him but it's so funny just picturing nick cage doing this flip like this movie is trying really hard to convince you that nick cage is this like super martial artist and i think that's the best part about it so then these random bland flavorless jiu jitsu people come out of nowhere and they're like okay we're gonna take jake because the fun is over we don't want the viewers to have too much fun watching this movie so and then nick tries to save the audience and he says you can't take him he's crazy like me his mind's all messed up he's crazy like me this whole movie should have just been them sparring and talking in this hut that would have been a better movie so then all these characters take a walk they walk for a long time and then nicholas cage gets hungry so he asks for a noodle or a pickle he he wants one of those things a noodle or pickle that was weird to put in the script i guess that was their attempt at making a nick cage meme when the best nick cage memes come from just his demeanor you know just let him be weird let him act crazy that's when you get the good nick cage memes i don't even like pickles so then they enter this like ancient temple and there's this portal thing on the wall and apparently it opens up every six years when a comet goes over the earth and this portal is like a bridge to another world where this alien decides to just go to earth every six years and beat the [ __ ] out of people and kill them yeah that's basically all the alien is he's just kind of a bully every six years he wants to come to earth and and bully the humans and then he leaves it's weird according to nick cage he wants like the best fighters on earth to fight him i guess he's kind of like cell from dragon ball z remember when he set that tournament for all the best fighters to fight him it's like the same thing except way worse out of all the intelligent life forms out there the one that travels to earth through this portal is this superior alpha male alien that really loves to fight he actually comes here from a place millions of light years away looking for a fight with you the chosen jiu jitsu and apparently if he doesn't get to fight the best fighters on earth then he just goes ballistic and kills everything that's alive if he doesn't get it he stays and he kills everything just goes around killing everything that's what they tell us anyway can you imagine this alien just walking up to a sloth that's dangling from a tree and just strangling it to death because he's so bored where is my chosen jiu jitsu he's like a belligerent angry drunk irishman that finally left the bar at 6am and really just wants to fight someone according to nick cage's character this alien taught their ancestors how to fight he taught them jujitsu he taught our ancestors how to fight him yeah that's uh weird so many many years ago this alien was really bored so he came to earth and he was like yo this species kind of sucks at fighting so i guess i'll teach them and then come back every six years and see if they can fight me at all and if not well i guess i'll just kill everything and if he kills everything then what is he coming back to every six years wouldn't he just come back once because clearly it's like this killing machine right nobody can stand up to this thing so it would just come back once it would go to earth teach everybody jiu jitsu leave come back six years later and just kill everything although he doesn't kill everything if he kills nine jujitsu masters now brax fights nine fighters but if any of the fighters refuse to fight him he devours anything that walks flies crawls right so every six years he kills nine jiu jitsu masters and leaves so how long has he been doing this i guess if i was a jiu jitsu master um i could train someone to fight in the same style to you know die to this alien six years from now or i could hatch up a plan to kill this alien when he arrives you know with like a nuke or something if this alien is gonna kill everybody just like vacate the premises right have everyone leave and then build like a massive wall like a really big big big wall around this temple and then when this alien comes through the portal just drop a nuke on its head wow that's an issue solved but yeah i guess just keep training people to die to this alien that makes sense what it's hard enough just imagining this alien teaching mankind how to fight jiu jitsu how do you do that how do you talk to people to begin with he just arrives at earth he's like hey what's up guys i come in peace except i don't but um that won't be until six years so uh just put your fists up like this and how bored is this alien that it goes to earth to teach these people how to fight god damn do you have like a spaceship you can just go around and find better fighters than humans i'm sure there's probably better species out there i don't know maybe not if humans suck so much at fighting why doesn't this alien just fight its own species right oh that would make too much sense maybe this is the last one this is the last alien of its kind maybe the comic explains it better i guess i should mention that this alien's name is brax yeah its name is brax i don't care so then they're all walking again and jake looks puzzled so nick asks him about that he's like hey are you puzzled you look puzzled you look puzzled you puzzled i mean i get it i'm puzzled i'm real puzzled nicholas thank you so much thank you for the way you deliver your lines because if if you went in this movie i was gonna say that dimitri owes nick more money than what he probably paid him because he's the only reason anybody would ever decide to watch this piece of [ __ ] but they lost money making this so i guess i take that back in the next scene brax fights three jiu jitsu warriors and kills them all to be fair it's not a bad fight scene it's kind of fun to watch so then jake is captured by the army captain and then he wakes up and the army guy's like hey what's up dude so i just want to tell you that um the alien takes like five to six seconds to heal from like crazy wounds yeah that that's it so see ya was that really worth knocking him out for you just told him that instead of whatever so jake's like oh uh good to know dude thanks and then he then he leaves so nick cage is just chilling by a bonfire and jake meets him there nick cage then tells jake what happened prior to him falling off the cliff and losing his memory so apparently the alien came and he killed someone and everyone freaked out and jake ran away and the alien chased him and then he jumped off a cliff yeah so he was just a big coward i guess and apparently jake is like the ultimate fighter in this movie he's he's the protagonist but he's a huge [ __ ] at the same time i'm confused if he's like the ultimate fighter why wouldn't he fight the alien he just he just ran away he was like oh you killed my friend bye he didn't fight the alien he just ran away that's weird oh and during this flashback scene they decide to edit in these like spiraling shots these transitions that that spiral the camera it's very headache inducing it sucks i hate it why would they why would you do that i get this is like an action movie and you want things to be fast and chaotic and but don't do that it's honestly awful so nick cage tells jake that the alien spared his life in this scene because he begged for his life and the alien didn't kill him because the alien thought he was crazy yeah i begged for my life but he thinks i'm crazy there's no honor in killing crazy oh so this alien has morals and an honor code and all this so he wouldn't kill mentally handicapped people or women or children i'm guessing because there's no honor in doing that he wouldn't kill people that don't fight back so who would he kill exactly if these nine jujitsu warriors decide not to fight him the people that decide to fight an alien from another planet that's who he would kill so like the military maybe i thought the fear was that he would wipe out everything but he has an honor code i'm confused maybe he doesn't kill jiu-jitsu warriors if there's no honor hmm maybe that's like huh there's like a lot of mental gymnastics going on here i'm confused so then the woman jujitsu warrior fights brax she's like the love interest for jake i guess in this scene she blocks a bunch of projectiles that aren't even aimed at her she's like swinging the nunchucks up here and the projectiles would just go this way completely missing her but i guess she wants to block them anyway brax swiftly defeats her and then this other random girl comes out of nowhere with two axes and she's like alright it's my turn now and i want to fight this alien with two big axes two unwieldy big heavy axes and she somehow hits this alien the axes don't do much damage they go in like a centimeter you probably should have chose a different weapon so brax kills this girl i like how she just like holds the axes into brax and just sits there for a couple seconds and she's like yeah i'm screwed so then frank grillo's character attacks brax he lasts like two seconds and he dies so yeah f's in the chat for frank grillo but at least he went out like a badass giving it the finger screw you alien i bet you don't know what this means yeah it's an insult it's a human thing you wouldn't get it jake and tony jaws character fight brax tony jaw is injured so jake runs away again remember he's a coward he likes running so he runs away again to uh save the injured girl that he likes he has a boner does he if he's gonna help someone it's not gonna be the guy ugh no boobs you know i gotta help the girl he covers her in like this cloak thing whoa so that the alien can't see them it's like a like a cloak that hides them from the alien because they know how the alien can see things and they know what kind of material it can't see how do they know this no one knows don't ask questions okay and then out of nowhere nic cage he stabs the alien with his blade this is the scene where i'm getting hyped i'm like yes it's nick time let's go cage fight except they're not in a cage but you know because this name is cage cage fight nick cage versus brax who's gonna win oh my god it's it's definitely gonna be brax but it's gonna be cool to see how nick cage dies an intense fight ensues i have to admit this part was kind of fun to watch even though there are moments in the fight when brax could definitely kill nick cage but decides not to and there are moments when nick cage could kill brax but just doesn't it's very weird also jake and the girl just kind of watch as nic cage fights this alien they don't help him at all you have power in numbers why aren't you using it i don't what what so nicholas cage injures brax but he heals instantly then brax injures nick cage and finally kills him it's very epic we're then told that nick was jake's father and i guess he just didn't want jake to know that he was his father because he knew that he would probably die and he didn't want him to know and he didn't want to say his last goodbyes to his son it very strange father-son dynamic don't look too far into it yeah so now that nick is dead i don't care about the movie at all i just want to turn it off at this point but i stuck it out i watched till the end guys i needed to make sure that i had a full perspective of the entire movie maybe the last like 10 minutes is like groundbreaking amazing cinema it's not the alien tracks down jake breaks down the door he's hanging out with this burmese old couple from the beginning and this burmese woman has a shotgun and she shoots brax and he's like oh [ __ ] is this old woman gonna kill me out of everybody i didn't foresee that you know i should have trained the old people because damn so then brax decides to use its throwing stars again you know how it likes using its throwing stars that hardly ever hit anything ever it's just like spamming those for some reason so it starts shooting them at this soldier that's running away and it misses every single shot it's absurd it's like it's trying to miss i don't understand what they're doing with the effects in this movie if you're editing this movie in post and you're putting in all these throwing stars like going around the person that they're trying to shoot you don't see an issue with that you don't think that's stupid like does this alien not know how to aim at all i'm what the next scene is a duel between jake and brax oh my god i'm so excited even though i don't give a [ __ ] about jake he's the most uncharismatic protagonist in existence what are you talking about so then the girl and the funny black guy from the beginning remember the uh translator they help jake kill the alien the girl shoots a hole in the alien the guy throws grenades to jake jake takes the grenades puts it into the alien and kicks the alien into the portal you know destroying the alien and the portal oh my god wow so you never see deaths like that in movies do you where people put explosives inside of an enemy to blow them up you never see that happen finally a movie where the black guy survives till the end except it had to be this movie so i'm not sure if that's a win but to be fair he's like one of the best characters in the movie so his name is eddie steeples so yeah good for you eddie i hope you get some better roles than this cause you're actually kind of funny in this movie the fighting was decent at times but yeah this movie was a train wreck it's terrible i know i titled between worlds as nick cage's worst movie but that was before i saw this this is the new king of the terrible nick cage movies if there's a mountain of nick cage movies because there's so many of them you know and at the very top is the worst at the very top jiu-jitsu you did it dimitri i'm so proud of you man you made the worst possible nick cage movie in existence you had the most meanable actor alive at your disposal and this is what you made like a noodle or a pickle and a movie about jujitsu warriors fighting off an alien i'm just i'm blown away this was a slam dunk and you just completely missed nicholas cage jiu-jitsu and aliens this could have been something so funny and so great but you just [ __ ] it i'm honestly just really disappointed because when they announced this movie i was like ah yes there's gonna be so many awesome funny dumb moments in this movie i can't wait and there's like two maybe and they're not even that great so yeah that's jujitsu it sucks don't watch it if you're watching this video and you made it this far wow i am impressed i can't believe that uh they didn't take this video down by now at the rate at which they're harassing angry joe i'd be astonished if this video makes it up on youtube so yeah guys i guess that'll do it for this video we have some really amazing new stuff over at alienclothing.com including this hoodie it's pretty sick look at it it's awesome i'm really proud of the clothing brand right now and thank you so much to everybody that's supporting it if you have any other movies that you'd like me to review please put them in the comment section down below and if you see a movie recommendation down there that you like please make sure to like it because if enough people like a comment down there about a specific movie i'm more likely to cover it so yeah that's it guys see you in the next one thanks for watching i'm sorry nick i'm sorry they did this to you man i was hoping this would be a banger but it just it sucks i'm sorry at least i got to say [ __ ] on netflix [Music] now [Music] you

Channel: Elvis The Alien

Views: 759,275

Rating: 4.9500704 out of 5

Keywords: Elvis the Alien, ElvistheAlien, jiu jitsu, jiu jitsu nicolas cage, jiu jitsu nic cage, jiu jitsu review, jiu jitsu 2020, jiu jitsu movie

Id: tPlFbeT3abs

Length: 32min 53sec (1973 seconds)

Published: Sun Dec 20 2020