STRIP CLUB COP! | Hitman Absolution #5

ladies my name is jacksepticeye and welcome back to band-aid head man he's also called hitman but I think my name for him is better huh dude all this like a homeless person party with one guy okay come on can I join ya I'm gonna take a box with you here we go I'm gonna call that next year [ __ ] darkness tell me buddy her name is rose back in my home a while ago hey [ __ ] listen to me if we're gonna be friends Homer stories and yeah like I say other friends left me I'm beautiful life she is [ __ ] you and if you listen you want a bottle here what lay down couldn't even sign it open it soon as you throw a bottle intruder okay what am I looking for Gary something good ol metal pipe I'll take this I'm gonna bash some faces in why are we here okay we keep forgetting like the whole story of why I'm walking around doing all this stuff who cares I get to kill people and that's fun God knows mmm-hmm should I have killed the homeless man I stole his clothes then I really could have blended in we need to do that for back he was homeless you didn't see me what are you talking about fake surrender you can't even see me here we go but nut man's hey welcome to Jack's laboratory what what don't try be a hero bro would I be a hero bro you want to go you I [ __ ] told you don't be no hero I will take your girls oh wow no oh no dude I know he came through here where'd he go I I don't know come down and look at the bodies you don't [ __ ] know me you don't need and you don't know me from Adam [ __ ] ow he can fight back here we go everybody's down yay we scored his [ __ ] but who cares you're gonna go right here perfectly natural everyone to think he was just partying with the homeless man and then she passed out drunk you're not gonna be so lucky you have to go in the dumpster sorry that's just the way it's gotta be I'm not nice to everybody homeless dude Otis dude look I'm a cop now then the five minutes I left from you or enough when I got a job when I became a cop now I've got a great life why don't you get off your ass and do something huh freeze their pay not even face what a [ __ ] boss [ __ ] rain hate the rain it's quite a good-looking game though hate the rain good-looking game you guys don't know anything about what I'm doing is this carrot alarm why oh yeah I guess I could distract you oh god hi please see all you do speedy dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee you don't see anything we're gonna kill some of you guys though but do you have a checkpoint change go start murdering faces is that a shotgun Oh Mercy Me oh you guys are gonna have a bad time this is just all oh this is just the way it's gotta be oh Jesus you guys are gonna get [ __ ] up oh oh oh oh shoot out the camera I want to see all the day one even hit that on the night Jesus hit him all right [ __ ] you mo ah work you only answer life I mean that's right I go somebody hidin looks like [ __ ] you karenann guys no okay all of you people up there you saw nothing yes you heard nothing just keep it that way never gonna be cool see he died giving a high-five Hey wish there you go bro can't leave a guy hanging even a dead guy I'm glad I have a string quartet behind me all the time there's a whole Orchestra backing me up in my sexy moves oh hello Oh am i my orders to club mmm I'll be sweet I think I am girls girls girls that's three of the things I like oh good some Jew you know bye see you later nobody even cares terrible now it's time to get it on Ciara Selvaggio it's a very kinky name candy hi everyone so nice to be in here sexy girls girls girls that's four of the things I like wait for it wait for it everybody I may be a cop but not in here oh yes let's uphold the nudity beep give me two of your finest drinks I am ready to oh that's going to kill hi done eliminate Don Osmond I could start shooting people but I won't I'm gonna be sneaky about this I just Heitmann here reefer guys gonna Winky hmm I think the bad man is coming this way he's on my map I'm just taking a leak just using my Winky to go die [ __ ] yes yes now I need to disguise I need your key card I need your key card I need your clothes your boots and your motorcycle put them in there Oh night-night sleepy time yeah you're a nice big fella close the doors what can I go you have a good time okay I know strip clubs are about watching girls dance around and everything but there's something incredibly creepy about watching like two dozen men what's one girl dance in a very small room hey how are ya I was going keep on [ __ ] walkin Tony nobody asked you you [ __ ] [ __ ] come here yes I want your outfit cuz you have a hat I like hats ma'am look at the [ __ ] muscles on 47 someone call a vet because these pythons are sick Oh silence pistol Iommi riky me like a lot spin disco ball hands off ha ha I'm all about hands on the disco ball is unstable will this killer Donna has been eliminated what he was there I never realize perfect timing nice hi oh yeah I thought I was killing you look at those muscles he's so sexy and rape me sorry I'm getting distracted my MA I'll be getting me the vapors sure don't you don't see anything even though you should see something hey girls I'm just I'm staff I'm gonna hear make sure you put on your makeup properly I'm gonna be here to make sure that you're safe and no creepy men coming in start staring at you what's that a pair of binoculars anybody home I'm a just claim through time through here because my room now oh just a video camera there's a stethoscope little free cake or is it just a shoe there's a nun habit the head thing there's a thong or not I wanna know what happened on that bed smells and now I'm back I say evade the police good that's my special I'm trying to assassinate here yes super train right let's move around hey hi fellas you know what I should do I have a silenced pistol oh oh it's gonna end so badly for all you guys oh oh so much dick oh so good rain rain go away come again never [ __ ] off already I had decided watcher I am the protector I will claim these traits of order justice I bet that 47 we know you're Batman geez just go along with it he's a [ __ ] weirdo he keeps talking about it hey fellas do you guys wanna buy some drugs I didn't know you were there it's not fair maybe come back you can blame it all on me you wanna stab you in the face and shoot you all over the place mom buddy boy good man buddy boy oh oh oh yes so easy that was good god it's so warm in this room right now I feel like I might as well be recording my videos sitting on the Sun in a sauna wrapped in blankets so I feel I mean I look it but that's just cuz I'm hot all the time hi oh nice saved it I don't know I am at I took the cleaver shut up [ __ ] off leave me alone bro you don't want any of this bro they say your fight you stay away are you following me are you i I ever stab you in the face wait these fireworks saving the sprinkler system and then igniting the fireworks to create a lot of smoke would be useful to hide in I want to do that thing where do I turn off the sprinklers spring please that's the exit where there I'm just a chef I'm not an engineer I don't know where these things were installed you know see I think you didn't even leave me any pizza god I killed you oh [ __ ] whenever you have pizza you have to share except if it's my pizza because I don't share food no I will bite your fingers off you see you think I'm like doing that for a joke his parents video no I will bite your fingers off if you try and steal some of my food I'm watching you oh there's lots of shotgun ammo around oh I'm really liking a lot of that where do I turn off the sprinklers oh here we go closed valve no valve we're really good at making games why would I close them we need to send Ian half-life Illuminati three Jax if I were to have some fun this is where oh you guys are about to see something really special I love fireworks man I sure AM I'm in a hurry to do you harm dude dude a runaway boy has a fireworks in a kitchen anyway that makes no goddamn sense oh there's lots of guys around oh I wanna all I wanna oh you should be in the Olympics for deadness so good Tex Hold'em it's okay they're dads I got it I got it [ __ ] son of a shut up [ __ ] I know this is not how you're supposed to play the game you're supposed to be a sneaky assassin guy I don't care it down oh it's so much fun [ __ ] you [ __ ] you not you you're fine hey bro bye bro you guys can leave I have no beef with you guys I mean I'm a chef so I do cook a lot of beef but now with you guys you guys are fine oops playing it on the moped leave no I am the watchful protector anybody who gets in my way I'm like yo use two hands that was amazing oh I need my cleaver son hasn't done that I'm done in them dum de dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum Oh Oh dad you guys are terrible at your job oh no someone killed chalk man okay wait we're gonna reenact this we're gonna try and put your body right over this so then people to think that you're already investigated and there won't come after me why do you guys think pretty damn close right I think I nailed that oh yes here we go right into the thick of it there's three guys to kill now Oh balls it's so loud keep it down you [ __ ] oh one of the guys went down here see on his own or I think he might be the capo recognized with the other guy well shh shh I'm trespassing oh okay that make that makes a lot more sense can I fake surrender and kill you come here come here bro come here bro kook no no that other guy saw something oh no meat cleaver away yes thank you you're getting weapons from the cops not on my watch no I need to stop this I need to I do feel like Batman oh no no no no no no I know I don't like this I don't want to I don't want to I don't want to build ol eliminated Bob Dole Bob Dole Bob Dole I'm Bob Dole you saw nothing shut up oh yes he ran right into it you guys saw I didn't throw it at him he was running right at me look at Ned he's gonna write for us it'll recognize me bro you don't know me you you think you do but you don't we're gonna check on your friends Larry clay that he's an even is EURion face we're gonna do the whole fake surrender thing again win here no I don't want to I'm gonna stand right here shut up you can't be here I am an officer of the law trying to try to use reverse psychology kind of stuff oh no I don't want to know here we go everyone come on oh I give up not today [ __ ] now you're dead Oh what were you doing with him ah nothing that's what everybody died so nothing this is your [ __ ] you saw nothing Oh disperse the crowd [ __ ] okay just run just run oh no you can blend into the crowd they'll never know here we go here we go out the exit by uttering 10,000 points that has to be good right I don't know that's right around kill people when the game told me to and I feel I felt good about it um okay anyway I'm gonna leave this video here I really love this game it's so much fun to just stick around and like role play with everybody and just I don't know it's boring this one's throwing knives the people's faces and watching fall over and go to sleep forever right you're right thank you guys so much watching this episode if you liked it punch the like button in the face like a boss and my face all right schwoz you tore up dirt I spawn where I die crazy seriously it's so warm I feel like a lobster just sitting in a pot of boiling water right now except I'm far more delicious

Channel: jacksepticeye

Views: 2,986,914

Rating: 4.936861 out of 5

Keywords: jacksepticeye, Hitman: Absolution (Video Game), Hitman (Video Game Series), Action-adventure Game (Media Genre), Gameplay, Walkthrough, Playthrough, Let's Play, Hitman jacksepticeye, Funny Moments, Best Bits, Funny, Commentary, Death, Killing, Violence, throwing knives, score, hidden, assassin, chef, disguise, instinct, agent 47, Assassinate, story, campaign, train, train level, gameplay demo, crowd, hippie, Assassination (Cause Of Death)

Id: hjyblQ57y9c

Length: 16min 27sec (987 seconds)

Published: Thu Jun 25 2015