NAME SOMETHING YOU HAVE BUT YOUR MOTHER THINKS YOU DESERVE BETTER. JAMES: A BIGGER HOUSE. STEVE: A BIGGER HOUSE. ALAN: A BETTER JOB. STEVE: A BETTER JOB. MAN: WE'RE GONNA PLAY! WOMAN: COME ON! COME ON! ALAN: WE'RE GONNA KEEP IT. STEVE: THEY'RE GONNA KEEP IT. ALAN. ALAN: HI, STEVE. HOW YOU DOING TODAY? STEVE: HOW YOU DOING, MAN? WHAT'S WITH THE BASKETBALL TIE? ALAN: WE'RE KIND OF A BASKETBALL FAMILY, STEVE. STEVE: REALLY? ALAN: YEAH. I COACHED BASKETBALL FOR 39 YEARS. JUST RETIRED IN APRIL. STEVE: REALLY? [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] DO YOU KNOW, ALAN, I'VE OFTEN BEEN ASKED IF I WASN'T DOING THIS WHAT I WOULD DO. I WOULD WANT TO BE A HIGH SCHOOL BASKETBALL COACH. ALAN: IT'S LIVING THE DREAM. KEGAN: GOOD TIME. STEVE: DID YOUR SON--YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH IT, TOO? KEGAN: YEP, SO I'M COACHING AT DIVISION III COLLEGE IN WISCONSIN AS WELL-- UW-PLATTEVILLE. STEVE: REALLY? KEGAN: YEP. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] WOMAN: WAY TO GO, KEGAN! STEVE: WHAT ABOUT YOU, TANNER? TANNER: I COACH HIGH SCHOOL BASKETBALL IN WAUPACA, WISCONSIN. STEVE: REALLY? TANNER: YEP. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] WE REALLY KNOW THIS REALLY IS A BASKETBALL FAMILY. WELL, ALAN, INTRODUCE EVERYBODY, BUDDY. ALAN: WELL, THIS IS MY SON KEGAN; MY DAUGHTER, WHO IS OUR BIGGEST BASKETBALL FAN, LOGAN; MY OTHER SON TANNER; AND BASKETBALL MOM SUE. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] STEVE: COME ON, LET'S GET SOME. NAME SOMETHING YOU HAVE BUT YOUR MOTHER THINKS YOU DESERVE BETTER. KEGAN: I SWEAR TO GOD THIS IS NOT ME. SPOUSE, GIRLFRIEND. STEVE: HUH? REALLY? KEGAN: I HAVE A GREAT GIRLFRIEND. SO THIS IS NOT ME. THIS IS WHAT EVERYONE ELSE WOULD SAY. STEVE: WELL, I'M JUST ASKING YOU. KEGAN: NO, NO. THIS IS-- STEVE: NO, IT'S YOUR ANSWER! NO, KEGAN, THIS IS YOUR ANSWER! [LAUGHTER] SUE: SHE'S OUT THERE. STEVE: SHE'S OUT THERE? SUE: YES. STEVE: OH, GOD! [LAUGHTER] OH, MY GOD! YOU'RE SO STUPID! KEGAN: THAT'S WHY I HAD TO SAY THAT. STEVE: KEGAN, WHAT THE HELL YOU SAY THAT FOR? KEGAN, LISTEN TO ME, MAN. YOUR DAD COULD HAVE TOLD YOU. SOMETIMES, LISTEN, SOMETIMES YOU GOTTA TAKE AN "X." [LAUGHTER] [INDISTINCT] KEGAN, I... NOW, HERE'S THE OTHER THING, KEGAN. THIS HAS GOT TO BE UP THERE. KEGAN: I KNOW. STEVE: BECAUSE IF IT AIN'T UP THERE AND SHE OUT THERE... KEGAN: I KNOW! IT'S GOTTA BE 1. WHAT DO YOU MEAN? IF 2 OTHER PEOPLE SAID THIS, I'M REALLY-- STEVE: IF ONLY 2 PEOPLE SAID IT, YOU'RE DEAD. THIS HAS TO BE THE NUMBER ONE-- KEGAN: I KNOW! STEVE: HIS GIRLFRIEND OR SPOUSE. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] STEVE: BOY... KEGAN: THANK YOU. STEVE: THAT'S THE ONLY THING THAT SAVED YOU, BABY. LOGAN: WHOO! STEVE: SHE'S PROBABLY OUT THERE CLAPPING, TOO. WHERE IS SHE? RAISE YOUR HAND. STAND UP, PLEASE. AUDIENCE: AWW... KEGAN: YEAH! [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] STEVE: BOY, YOU'RE ALL OUT YOUR LEAGUE. BOY, YOU WENT WAY UP WHEN YOU GOT THAT ONE RIGHT THERE. ALAN: I SAID THE SAME THING. STEVE: YOU SAID THE SAME THING? ALAN: YEAH! SHE COULD DO BETTER. STEVE: SHE COULD DO BETTER? ALAN: YEAH. STEVE: DAMN! HIS DADDY SAID, "DAMN, SHE COULD DO BETTER." [LAUGHTER] ALL RIGHT, LOGAN, NAME SOMETHING YOU HAVE BUT YOUR MOTHER THINKS YOU DESERVE BETTER. LOGAN: A CAR. STEVE: A CAR. KEGAN: GOOD ANSWER, LOGAN. LOGAN: WHOO! STEVE: TANNER, I LOVE THIS QUESTION. NAME SOMETHING YOU HAVE BUT YOUR MOTHER THINKS YOU DESERVE BETTER. TANNER: I'M GONNA SAY HIS FRIENDS. STEVE: YOU DESERVE BETTER FRIENDS. [BUZZER] AUDIENCE: AWW... STEVE: THAT WAS ACTUALLY A GOOD ANSWER. SUE, NAME SOMETHING YOU HAVE BUT YOUR MOTHER THINKS YOU DESERVE BETTER. SUE: BANK ACCOUNT. SAVINGS ACCOUNT. STEVE: YEAH. BANK MONEY. [BUZZER] AUDIENCE: AWW... STEVE: ALL RIGHT, ALAN, WE GOT TO PULL IT TOGETHER. WE GOT 2 STRIKES. NAME SOMETHING YOU HAVE BUT YOUR MOTHER THINKS YOU DESERVE BETTER. ALAN: A BETTER WARDROBE. STEVE: A BETTER WARDROBE. SUE: GOOD ANSWER, ALAN! ALAN: YEAH! KEGAN: NICE! STEVE: NAME SOMETHING YOU HAVE-- 2 STRIKES, LET'S BE CAREFUL-- BUT YOUR MOTHER THINKS YOU DESERVE BETTER. KEGAN: AGAIN, NOT MYSELF. STEVE: OH, BOY! I LOVE THIS DUDE RIGHT HERE. GO AHEAD. WHAT YOU GOT? KEGAN: A BETTER PHYSIQUE. LOGAN: OH, GOOD ANSWER. GOOD ANSWER. ALAN: THAT'S OK. HUH, BOY. LOGAN: THAT'S GOOD. GOOD ANSWER. STEVE: YEAH. MOMS REALLY DON'T CARE ABOUT THAT. KEGAN: THERE'S A LOT OF ANSWERS ALREADY UP THERE. STEVE: MOMS LOVE US REGARDLESS. KEGAN: THAT'S TRUE. STEVE: YEAH. BETTER PHYSIQUE. [BUZZER] AUDIENCE: AWW... [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] STEVE: NAME SOMETHING YOU HAVE BUT YOUR MOTHER THINKS YOU DESERVE BETTER. JAMES: WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK? I WOULD SAY ATTITUDE. STEVE: ATTITUDE. [BUZZER] [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] NUMBER 5. AUDIENCE: 2ND GRADE EDUCATION.
