Sin: The Movie (2000) / Paratamizer

cb11 you cheated yeah so it's fine i couldn't beat it it was [ __ ] i used my knowledge of video games to deduce that opening the console and type again god would give me god mode you know like a quake and half-life one at half-life two welcome back to the dungeon let me tell you something kids if a couple of robots that share a half of a misplaced human brain ever force you into what i think was some kind of man-sized rock crushing machine don't do that yeah they rolled me in here a few minutes ago i'm probably not gonna be able to walk for a not insignificant portion of this year but the good news is that you guys accidentally broke by hand this was an expected outcome of the paramization but i can't play the games like this at least i can't play them very well before somebody comments that i suck at video games yeah sure okay fine [ __ ] all of you i'm not playing anything for a while so you're gonna have to pawn it off on 15 or something maybe give katie a shot she's probably sick of trying to turn me trolling a video game into entertainment love you katie colonel blade are illegal pharmaceuticals more important than the lives of young girls wait wait no that's that's not real that can't that can't be real take it off now it's still running stop it please for god's sake please stop it there's no more time you gotta please stop it stop it now turn it off turn it off stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it [Music] i was having a good time playing sin so long ago there's stuff you just don't hear about you know sin episodes tries to do a sequel to sin but a few years earlier in 2000 i don't know how i don't what the [ __ ] is this thing well it's a movie it's an anime based off of sin yeah this game that died an ugly death against the ravages of time and irrelevance it has a movie adaptation make it the second fps game i know of to have an adaptation or the third if you count over ball movies is movies i do i guess in the same way that i count sexual favors as currency let me see the description of this movie set in 2070 this video game-based u.s japanese co-production focuses on colonel john blade part cyborg part human and all cop he's [ __ ] robocop now when blade and his team from the law enforcement agency hardcore pursue a kidnapper through the city of freeport they suddenly find themselves confronting a mutant monster okay i mean all of that checks out that sounds all right dr cyrilson when we discover the secrets behind the crypt graphics is the human chief we will only decode the mystery of life but also unlock the secrets of god dr cyril sinclair nobel laureate geneticist hey if this guy's so great why is his daughter so evil anyway we start off like any good story at a funeral and it seems hardcore detectives have discovered another drug shipment anc news wants to know why they can't find a serial kidnapper of six young girls in the freeport area colonel blade are illegal pharmaceuticals more important than the lives of young girls no comment this is already tied into the game pretty well blade doesn't look too bad i guess there's jc [ __ ] you jc we humbly beseech you that as your son john christopher armac give jc the peace he's so long to give others in both his life and his work and grant us holy [ __ ] put the brakes on for a second we need to talk about this one jc is dead jc is dead yes [Applause] wow ow okay two jc whose full name i didn't see in either game or the manual for the first game that i actually have a physical copy of his full name is john c armack john carmack this guy i'm so [ __ ] sick of talking about time traveling interdimensional over genius and actual rocket scientist john carmack this has to be intentional from the games right the japanese studio that worked on this didn't suddenly decide that the guy who made the engine for the game they're basing their movie on needed a shout out three hey ritual entertainment here's one for you why didn't you call him j.r after john romero who was the icon of sin okay for those of you who have lives the final boss is doomed to in the level icon of sin is this big head inside wall that spits demons at you and when you first face it it says which when reversed says and then you know clip inside the thing and there's john romero's head on a stick all i'm saying is that [Music] oh yeah also jc is dead give jc the peace he's so long to give others in both his life and his work to check out his ovaries mueller check his ovaries not buying it i'm kicking your ass later jc you do realize that right and grant a special peace to those left behind even a piece that forgives the one who cut short jc's precious precious life jc wait blade actually killed jc he actually did it the absolute madman afraid you'll get a ticket buckle your belt will hate it when he does this i hate it when he does that this looks like an exciting chase seated or cut with a funeral there's a mutant shooting rockets out of its hands nothing too out of the ordinary if they'd gone the shitty route that the doom movie did does this mean that they would have turned the mutants into demons oh okay a grotesque mutant kidnapping little girls i think we're in for a bright fun colorful adventure kids they trap the mutant in the sewers because sewers you know can we get a count on the number of sewers featured on this show so far thank you eleven eleven sewers in 13 episodes incredible i see where this is going jc is gonna do something stupid and blade's really gonna bust his ass then so yeah this is why jc stays home because he's willing to stick his hand in any weird gooey finds in his sewer pipe because there's a pretty light coming out of it you can't fix that blade's gonna body bag him oh [ __ ] where did she come from oh wow instant mutant just add sewer water hold your fire cake blade help me help me drop the girl it's in me part of me all right oh [ __ ] oh jesus oh god so blade shoots jc and this is actually pretty gross and then the credits roll and so in five minutes i think we can establish that this is absolute [ __ ] madness after the credits were right back into the graveyard because when i think sin at this point i think of a [ __ ] graveyard can you edit this tombstone to say dumbest [ __ ] on the planet earth okay thank you katie so blade beats up with this as yet unidentified old guy and he's being watched by this as yet unidentified woman who i'm gonna call mrs willits can you help me your father was like a brother to me that makes you family i'll do what i can you son of a [ __ ] now we get to syntec and i can't wait to see the restraint that an anime would put into alexis and claire's character design basically this mutant from before is alexis's these are not pets warner they are not toys you can lose and then replace forgive me sinclair but let me get this straight you're asking me to get a secure target from hardcore without any assistance no warner i'm not asking you anything i'll do it myself wait a minute you are terminated [Music] there's this guy here with alexis vincent do you know how long it's been since we've been out together but i'm afraid i can't leave now vincent as there's a bit of a situation that demands my immediate attention oh yeah well i need some immediate attention sinclair what could possibly go wrong you're working on something really special right now i just want to tell you i want to be part of it well do you really if you can handle it then come back this evening and i'll catch you in then you got yourself a date this kind of business will be a pleasure okay ew good news now you can rise above it all in fabulous sky city hurry pre-grand opening specials are happening now so on the rare occasions i watch anime i tend to hand wave some of the weirder stuff but the upside down city while possibly a potent metaphor for something is escalator to nowhere levels of design incompetence you know you just walk down the street in this beautiful future city and you fall the [ __ ] down into the non-future city and die okay so now we're getting back to this lady tell colonel blade jc is here to see him oh [ __ ] me what is this but the military andrew superiors and hardcore have given me total jurisdiction over this investigation correct me if i'm wrong but i doubt any of you beat cops have a lot of experience dealing with apprehension of genetic mutations not apprehension as such no but plenty of extermination why would you want to catch them so be smart enough to know when you're out of your league before you're in over your head you wouldn't be trying to hide anything from me now would you blade such as the little known fact that you might be even more in bed with the mafia than your father ever was just like john blade he is dour and says absolutely nothing in this movie he communicates more with flashes in his [ __ ] sunglasses than with anything else and you have the gall to meet with him at my brother's grave okay okay she's jc's sister who is also a top-level military investigator who is also working on this case with the mystic children and also personally surveilling blade and is also named jc [ __ ] your little rendezvous with the mob the fact that you murdered my brother your sins will catch up with you blade and when they do i'll be there to watch you go down dammit blade you're a loose cannon you don't know what you're dealing with this is bigger than you i'm in charge of this investigation now i'll have your badge for this i'm coming back colonel and when i do i'll take the girl and i'll take your badge oh god damn it so a couple of guys get shot to [ __ ] on the steps of this courthouse i didn't know this was a flashback at first this is flashback this is blate's dad and then we're in space and now we're here with vincent and alexis i'm amazed he's still alive consider it foreplay let me try and make sense of this footage here a mutant bombs a bunch of tanks is fine afterwards these soldiers get sucked into the ground and blood shoots up and now there's more mutants you know i gotta hand it to you sinclair this thing is huge this guy is super horny for mutant murder and the creators of this seem to think i am too i'll admit there was a flutter when that blood geyser happened but otherwise it's just not doing it for me you wanted to be a part of it [Music] then here's to being a part of it sinclair listen vincent vinnie bubble of my man don't do it just trust me on this [Music] if killing a bunch of people and turning them into mutants including a maid character from the source material didn't clue you into the fact that alexis sinclair is evil well she poisons this guy why are you so surprised darling you said you wanted to be a part of it now it's time to cut you in that's right we'll double your double entendres two for the price of one and then the kidnap girl right she's out of the hospital her parents are dead and the doc says there was something that seemed strange in a blood test however i'm waiting for lab results no need to keep that contained let's just walk her around gonna have some flashbacks mama told me that i was a gift you are sweetie all adopted kids are gifts man that is a cold way to break that news elise oh god what the [ __ ] happened to her eyes oh my mom i'm an angel so we went out and said oh my god what the [ __ ] it's okay blade gives her a teddy bear my name's elise what's yours john blade oh that's that's not oh hell just yeah okay i'm john blade little girl score tory a new one chump i'm gonna make you my [ __ ] a long time ago my father and i were in an accident to fix me they had to remake me holy [ __ ] is robocop you're jc's sister aren't you he must be very proud of you and your vendetta against his best friend i could buy the jc was blade's bff kinda but if that's true blade should have said hey jc don't crawl into sewer pipes to investigate weird [ __ ] you see you know friends don't let friends go into dangerous combat situations where they make terrible decisions they call you jc too perhaps you should adopt his sense of justice in addition to his name yeah why is that her name too and what's his sense of justice like because that's not something that's ever explained to us during this movie and this came out years before sid episodes so what you have to go on about jc's character is jackpot tell your fantasy girl i said hi but we're off there's another monster some disposable hardcore officer finds this little girl turns out it's a mute disguised as a little girl and a teddy bear so that it can fool this one squad of guys before killing all of them instead of i don't know infiltrating hardcore and hey wait a minute whatever happened to alexis's plan to infiltrate hardcore now they're sending this incredibly suspicious zombie [ __ ] in right through the front door he has bolts in his neck he looks like [ __ ] man bad and blade's fighting the mutant but he has a jc flashback and can't shoot it meaning that blade's only talent shooting things is gone back at hardcore mutant vincent is killing everybody jc is saved by this guy but he gets all absorbed and jc has a jc flashback and instead of killing jc the monster slaps her in the face with a tentacle which is a lot tamer than i expected when he first popped those out so is anybody else infected what's going on here daniel [Applause] what's happening i finally identified with this character i couldn't help turn and i couldn't save elise what am i gonna do what am i gonna do i'm gonna make you my [ __ ] john we're talking about a manufactured organism that is superior to a human in every way it lacks only one chemical component to be literally indestructible there isn't a man alive who's come within years of genetic experimentation such as this maybe you should consider a man who's dead cyril sinclair was the world's leading geneticist at the time of his death he was mad but a genius someone should have told the nobel committee are you trying to say that cyril sinclair has come back from the grave to continue his genetic experiments no but his daughter alexis has the capital the technology and the motive for revenge you know they murdered her father i don't know that it hasn't been mentioned and also i murdered her father in the game after she turned him into a giant mutant that shot rockets out of his hand so this is basically an hour of expositional dialogue interspersed with graphic violence most of the exposition comes from jc's sister jc so when i say all the exposition of the game came from jc and now the movie it's from jc why the hell did they kill off jc if they're just gonna i think they wanted to have a female character who was a good guy you know what i'm saying who wasn't overly sexual oh okay never mind so these guys are gearing up and she's taking a shower and putting lipstick on where's the rest of her agency that's investigating syntax you're accusing syntec industries of making monsters do you realize how crazy that sounds played don't tell me how it sounds i know how [ __ ] crazy it sounds no blade are you in on it god damn it are you in on it put your badge and your gun on my desk blade you're fired this is incredible let me just let me just take this apart this commander guy he thinks blade is a loose cannon and wants his badge at his gun it's like the writers are phoning in a scene where the commander is phoning in the scene telling him to put his badge and his gun on a desk that i assume is completely unattended because the character can't even be bothered to show up everything is starting to go jump working for hardcore is the best thing that's ever happened to me i oblate my life jen i wish you could understand good old post-mortem character development blade instead of doing the thing that he should do which is go directly to syntek and deal with this [ __ ] talks to his mom connection his dad's mob friend you really don't know do you played your father didn't tell you why he met me at the courthouse that day to exchange information acquired from syntek about alexis sinclair he knew he might not be able to stop her so he made certain he had a way to stop her children blade's father had a vaccine created to fight the mutants that alexis was making but gave it to this [ __ ] and not hardcore because hardcore is obviously more corrupt than the mafia jc shows up with jc's ghost if they bang at the end it's gonna be so weird so this actual child is bound on a table with some of her breasts exposed and i'm just not gonna show that that's not [ __ ] happening because [ __ ] this movie don't tell me you don't remember me elise oh darling you don't need to be afraid after all at least the two of us are practically sisters they're in this building where i guess she's using a lease to clone more mutants invincible ones by the sound of it if the previous seat is anything to go by which it's a not flyer has invaded syntek airspace it's blade oh colonel you and i are more connected than you could ever imagine of course they are she's probably a sister or some [ __ ] she's never mentioned before in this movie but now she knows that it's him specifically him coming together and because everything in this story is connected how many shall i release sinclair all of them i want you to release every one of them my dear apparently blade has super robot ears you know so he could hear these deadly tubes coming no seriously look he has super robot ears [Music] okay so there's no rules here right mutants can just appear from anywhere the virus isn't contagious unless it is characters that are dead at the beginning of the story are more important to the plot than anyone's still alive blade shoots the monsters with the vaccine and they stop and and morph and harden well now aren't things getting interesting interesting is no substitute for good they actually put something from the game in see these mutants they're like that boss before this is totally worth it because i remember that thing this is gonna be a fight right here the one and done they're running away before the thing hits the ground cool it's just like the game i remember my go-go gadget grappling hook i'm not sure it's dead you better nuke it this is like a saturday morning cartoon written by a serial killer what is it what's the matter you'd better wait here i've got something to take care of first where the hell do you think you're going blake goes off alone to fight vincent in his weird poker room we meet again we used to be and by the look of things time has been a hell of a lot nicer than me well look at that they gave you a sense of humor too yeah but only for this scene you can't hurt me my body is indestructible and ever-changing vincent immediately trounced his blade just immediately you can't hurt me my body is indestructible and ever changing what come on that's you can't but it was on her little arm thing why would he why even have that if she's not gonna kill him and all it does is make him stronger but blade stabs him in the eye with the badge cure bullets and you can't hurt me my body is indestructible and ever-changing why do you set up things that are completely disregarded like a minute later they go after release but alexis traps them and gasses them i'm not going to hurt you elise i confess i can't make the same promise to your friends they may have rebuilt you but i doubt your lungs are cybernetic okay but why doubt that his hands legs and all that are cybernetic his ears are cybernetic if i ever saw his eyes i'd bet they are too in fact i know exactly how you were put back together you might say father and i gave you your life almost as much as we gave elise hers okay but why would you turn him into a super soldier if he's hell bent on stopping you wait hold on this actually checks out alexis sinclair has made a career out of trying to turn blade into something superhuman only for it to blow up in her face that's fair she's always been this stupid but it turns out that they were just using the information on the disc the one she took in the flashback but it's her father he's alive he's a giant mutant just like four except now he's way more disgusting and weird and the magic bullets don't work but it turns out that blade had the power all along in his fist if this sounds confusing to you yes [Music] john punches the thing in the face so hard with bullets that it starts dying but also that it grows so jc hacks a searchlight into a laser that cuts it in half and he jumps out alexis gets tossed out the top of the building goes [ __ ] nuclear john has a hole in him the size of a basketball his arm is gone so the sins of the father do truly haunt the son if those sins are developing a vaccine that destroys mutants that no you know what i can't this whole thing just confuses me from the idea to make this to the fact that it's so much from the game but also almost nothing y'all have taken something that i liked and just driven it into the ground it didn't have far to go after valve kneecapped it but now we're really done in only a few steps the entire sin franchise did what usually takes one or two decades a great original a misbegotten sequel and an incomprehensible movie adaptation are we done yet can we be done with sin i like that they tried to save it but nobody seems to understand the appeal of the first game which believe it or not wasn't serious story-driven heroic mime-a-thons or greek tragedies or body horror it was just a game about a big tough guy who [ __ ] people's [ __ ] up rock and roll and titties [Music] you

Channel: Civvie 11

Views: 270,633

Keywords: cv11, civvie, civvie's dungeon, sin game, sin movie, sin movie 2000, review, recap, sin anime, franchise autocannibalism, sin 1998, sin 2000, john carmack, cv-11, Sin Episodes, movie review, anime review

Id: xhsC3lPxIMk

Length: 24min 56sec (1496 seconds)

Published: Tue Feb 06 2018