STARSHIP TITANIC - PARROT OR STICK

[Music] the heaven's sake get on with it go on don't just sit there [Music] oh boy it's a point-and-click and it's [ __ ] starship Titanic if you aren't aware starship Titanic is the brainchild of the late great Douglas Adams author of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the galaxy series and Dirk Gently books and stuff and it's all really British like just super British Douglas Adams made a couple of games he made the text adventure game for Hitchhiker's Guide to the galaxy and that that's a massive troll of a game that I don't think will make for a very good video because you know text adventure someone's never seen this show but starship Titanic is a massive beautifully rendered for the time point-and-click extravaganza about a luxury hotel in space the Titanic mentioned in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the galaxy books is a great big awesome ship that suffered spontaneous mass existence failure and disappeared only to reappear in this game crashing into your house luckily your house was quite soft there's a book too not written by Douglas Adams instead written by Terry Jones reportedly in the nude I can't show any pictures this is actually gonna be a hard one because some famous British comedians show up in here and they're most well-known for activating the overused reference capacitor and my helmet I'll tell you what this game is special it has its own proprietary interactive language engine called spooky talk so you can talk to the robots and they have thousands of recorded lines back of the day this thing came on three CDs three CDs what's that like two gig holy [ __ ] so basically the ship was sabotage and you have to go on a scavenger hunt to find all the pieces of the ship's AI titania and since she's all discombobulated so are all the robots on the ship sensible the doorbot is sometimes lucid old British Butler type who is usually no help I just hope that you can sort out these problems but none of us can we're all robots you see in what's happened is that the ship Central Intelligence has been lobotomized sabotage if you ask me and it's left us all unable to function properly and you may find that we're all a little delayed and then there's craze hi I'm Craig I see you're not carrying any luggage that's great I can take a little time off right away he's a surfer too trying really hard to pull off that voice and never really uh yo Surf's Up we're in space don't you just hate robots when they don't understand give it another go okay take me to my room you can send small things through the succubus so don't waste my time with menial tasks you say it up small lamp face damn these cheap translator chips give me that a different way will you okay you're useless [ __ ] off you know something I'm getting really bored by some of this stuff you're coming out with leave I mean whatever he's a [ __ ] [ __ ] and more since at the desk BOTS who I hate her stupid Bell face you've been assigned to supergalactik traveler class elevator three floor 31 room 15 and don't come whining to me for upgrades because you won't get one now be the lift bot who takes you up and down in Sharra's on about things endlessly and I kind of feel bad for him he seems like a lonely old man and I don't want to hurt his feelings but I just don't give a [ __ ] about him fighting the Kaiser I don't suppose you were ever a military man military woman thing nah silly of me let's keep it simple all goes up all goes down which is it to beat the meter tea pot whose name escapes me at the moment who is a confrontational Frenchman who got dismembered somehow I'm not really going into the story here it's impossible to explain what's going on in this game and also try and get into the story you will die yeah yeah yeah on my very own how slug there's the succubus it delivers things to a tube system that makes me want to die you've got Mile you've got the Barbot who's completely useless I'll get you one just as soon as you fix this lid and then there's the parrot played by Terry Jones and I hate this parrot I hate it it makes me think that God is dead and that he never loved the human race at all it was a bloody pistachio you hear him all the time you think he'd be stuck in this cage but no he's everywhere in squawking okay so you're working around these [ __ ] trying to find all its Italia's pieces five-course for a brain two ears two eyes a nose a mouth so eleven pieces so you get on the ship and Morse in two sets you up with a terrible room well you certainly won't like the room you've got then you've been assigned to supergalactik traveler class elevator three floor 31 room 15 supergalactik traveler class which means when this ship hits an asteroid everybody in these rooms is dead and they'll be better for it look at all these buttons they each control a piece of the room and I'm just gonna explain how this works and you can judge for yourself if this is total [ __ ] you have to pull out two tables and then drop out the bed and then you have to get on the bed and you have to watch TV to see that you want a room upgrade this could be your lucky day yes you may already have won an upgrade to second class and you're like great I want a room upgrade good stuff right so you go back to more Senta to get out of this deathtrap for poor people and into a death trap for the upper-middle class greetings biped oh I do wish they wouldn't do this it's very bad for passenger discipline know very well let me see I've assigned you to a second class stateroom room one floor 20 which you will reach by elevator three yeah this is nice but I'm the only guest on the ship and I think I deserve better and if I want to get into a first-class room I have to talk more soon too into it okay the robots have to sometimes be in a better mood and to do that you need to adjust their cell point settings and those are in a room down the hall here and this one is for her they're not labeled they're all just hints so I just can't imagine why no one has been able to fix these robots be nice if I could do that maybe get these guys in a better room uh-huh I'm just gonna try just your cell point settings real quick buddy okay I know I'm gonna pay for that but God that felt good so anyway Marv Sinton is a sweet grandmotherly type now and she lets me get one of them first class rooms greetings dear biped Oh I don't see why not dear the rooms are all empty aren't they pity to waste them and you've had such a difficult time and there we go I beat the game no no it's so much worse than that it's so much worse anyway remember that time we watch TV well if you went past that channel that told you you want a thing you probably missed this little public access show of a wall with a chevron on it see each area has its own Chevron and you collect them and can edit them and create them and this camera shows you one but it's reversed because it's upside down so you got to do that and it points you to a first-class room what's in there well lights you can click on the lights and you can find out one of them is loose and you can't do anything about that you can't touch it you have to know that you call the bail bond over to do it Bell bot needed urgently you're a Bell bot at your service oh yes excuse me bellboy there's a suspicious light in my stateroom could you just remove it for me and then give me that piece of the ship say I err there yes thank you for the use of scrip but no can do [Music] yes thank you very much Julius good chap good chap you are no can do so I don't really know what I'm doing I'm getting hints to these things things I know I need to do but you have no idea how to do them I have 50 goddamn fires to put out on this ship and I have no idea what the [ __ ] the bar bot is stuck in a loop and I have to help him the maitre d needs me to change his music in a locked cabinet that he doesn't have the key to because it's on his arm which is somewhere his other arm has wanted to tell you scores in it but the music thing is necessary and there's a music room with a consult that I can't for the life of me figure out one of the lifts is broken I assume because the lift BOTS inside it lost its head at the bottom of the ship there's a corpse in the restaurant that the manor teapot doesn't want disturbs he won't let me eat at any of the tables and is really confrontational sadly Sudama we have very busy tonight and the other tables oh and my favorite thing which is that I need to get a long stick to press this button to open this thing to get a hammer so I could break the glass of this room here don't worry kids I'm gonna sort all this out because there's sweet rewards at the end of this game huh press button to disarm bomb I didn't know there was an armed bomb so the mega Scott play is now armed and preparing to explode this will be a fairly big explosion so please stand back about 22 miles oh hi John Cleese you're here to [ __ ] me over - I'm glad it's just not right without you maybe you can call up Michael Palin to knee me in the balls get Eric Idle to put pins in my eyes summon grab Chapman's spirit to shove a broken chandelier up my ass don't activate the bomb kids don't do it because it counts down from 1000 and if you don't get back to it and start putting a code in to confuse it and make it lose its place you know the robot the counting machine loses its place commencing countdown now 1000 that'll keep you busy for a while there's a phrase to disarm the bomb but I swear I don't know it I gotta get nabis head back to him at some point to go blow on me and stab me violent bit on me dag Walla I still don't see it for a moment there where were we I think I owe you a vote of Ben atutor no problem man no need to lose your head huh watch what you watch [ __ ] you now there's a good amount of hints in this game if you explore the whole ship and go everywhere you can no counting the dozens of floors that are basically the same you'll find stuff to do for example on the promenade deck there's a flock of starlings flying around and at the bar you need to make a drink for the bartender because of course and what are the ingredients is a flock of pureed starlings and the other ingredients are crushed television a lemon and vodka now I'm just gonna explain how in the living [ __ ] you might get to this point okay like the starlings are flying in front of a fan and because I'm a sick and deranged person who was actually shaking from the lack of violence in this game I want to send those birds in there that's what needs to happen but I can't activate the fan because the fuse is missing where's the fuse it's on the corpse of one of the ship's designers sitting dead in the restaurant which I can't get to unless I poke the maitre d pots but like 50 times Oh with me now I have you never trust a fighting waiter in his prime [Music] you do not arouse me you are boring to me now excuse me now I thought South to hum the blue fuse so he has effused and that fuse belongs in the fuse box and léa Venus's study next to Titania's chamber in the heart of the ship behind a bunch of warnings about stuff that doesn't really matter and then there's the fuses for chicken yeah the chicken fuse because if you don't put that in then the chicken dispenser and supergalactik traveler class will give you what you need and then there's a fuse for the fan which doesn't really look like a fan icon but whatever and then there's a fuse for the Arboretum where you can change the seasons the red one I don't know what the red one does there's plenty of straightforward puzzles in this game too you know like you have to use that long stick to knock a lemon off the tree in the Arboretum but you also have to use that same stick to knock one of the cores out because that's there and you have to turn the setting to winter so the canal can free so you can get to tan you spy on from one of the gondola box which to do that you need to have both the maid or d-bots arms but they come with a key at a piece of titania so you got to go to the music room and look at the patterns carved into the chairs to make the right - and record it then put it on in the restaurant so that the maid or d-bots loosens up and drops those things so then you can put the arms on the switches inside the gondola bot so that it drops the mouth and then wait what the [ __ ] was I talking about oh yeah the more straightforward puzzles like when you have to get to Tangier right you got to know about the parrot and how is two favorite things in the world or chicken and pistachio nuts isn't that like me eating another primate because Gibbons are [ __ ] delicious anyway you got to pick up the parrot listen to him squawk and then put him in the succubus but make sure to set a destination and if you don't it might get lost because see that got lost you'll have to see mother okay where is mother in the basement where's yours probably still at Rikers at least I hope so where's the basement I would like to go to the basement I know there's me settings going what is this [ __ ] Trainspotting why can't you talk like Brett's that sort of thing is down to successful intellectuals like yourself sir okay where is mother in the build room where is the build room remember the elevator you took to get into the ship just hop in and press one of the buttons wow that was actually helpful thank you yeah I worked as a coffee machine once they tried to sack me but I told them they had no grounds ah you're the first robot to be helpful I will not forget this thank you in the interest of safety please do not overload your Bell bot now [ __ ] off of course it's in the elevator I would never have thought to ever visit again of course it is so this part is very adventure game right you got to put the parrot in your inventory which you never want to do and wait for him to fly away so he can leave a feather and then you send the feather through mother but then mother sneezes up a corpse with a core and a blue fuse in it you know the blue fuse which I need to kill all those birds but then you see now that I can use the succubus system correctly because it's not clogged up with a dead person I got to take the parrot and send him to my second classroom so we can get out need a bowl of pistachio nuts revealing the bowl was what it's at Annie's ears because I can't just dump the [ __ ] bowl out and take it I think that was what I was trying to do in the first place I okay I have to use the parallel levator to get places and I hate it because it's like a loading screen where you don't actually need the time to load things because you could run this game at a goddamn Pentium 90 but you sit there for a minute and the way it works is that both of these walls have the control console on them and they look the same so you'll try to exit one way I know but why would you make it like this so I bet you're wondering like how in the [ __ ] you're gonna get a flock of pureed starlings a crush television a lemon and vodka well see I can't crush the television because I can't even dump out a bowl of pistachios or for that matter a bowl of not pistachios so obviously I gotta get the bell bot to do it so I bring him up to my room can you just crush my TV so I can make a cocktail with dead birds you know the room with the parrot well there's some odd stuff going on in there you know but I don't want to go to the parrot room I'm sick of the parrot room I guess I'll go there hint hint bomb ticking am i nicely is it yes yes it is Bell bot give me a break will ya no can I pull on your light switch okay but seriously can you pick up the TV nothing I like better than a nice piece of taking the lifting and carrying I'm here to serve take the TV nothing I like better than an Aries of taking the lift nothing I like better than a nice piece of taking the lifting and carrying I'm here to serve place your hands on the television and work against gravity to lift the TV throw the TV down the well I killed your TV UAV an ass blaster so now I got to get a flock of pureed starlings and if you think that's as simple as running a bunch of birds through a fan oh my sweet summer children you have to make sure that the Barbot gives you a glass and then for reasons I am not privy to the first dispenser on the chicken machine in the third class now gives you pureed Starling but only if you put a chicken under it and you have to hold the glass under the chicken well it's dispensing or else you won't get it and if you fill the glass with the wrong thing you can't just dump it out you have to get another glass and once you have that you have to find the vodka for some reason the Barbot does not have vodka this is a lie he is lying the robot is lying to me he has vodka so you have to return to him with the three pieces of a four-piece puzzle and then you won't even know right you won't even know this but when he asked you what was in that glass of pureed Starling you better goddamn tell him and quick or else the whole thing is [ __ ] oh I thought of Starling puree not my lucky day I suppose what and then finally you get that piece on top of the bar you could have probably reached with a long stick hey you see this perch that the parrot is on that's titania central core so what does the parrot want the parent wants chicken you need to get him a chicken so you go get yourself a chicken you bring it down it's all cold so he doesn't want it where's the steaming fat where's the hook this is no chicken this is some dirty no-good health food so you pack it up and send it through the succubus system and the succubus a [ __ ] robot eats the chicken because it loves chicken oh whoops I seem to have accidentally swallowed it so what you have to do is coat the chicken and sauce like tomato or mustard I hate chicken with soul song but we're getting ahead of ourselves because the sauce doesn't stay on the chicken because it's too greasy so you have to wipe the chick it off with Adapted that you found after poking the maitre d's ass for five minutes and then you get the sauce on it but then once you put the mustard on it you have to send it through the succubus back to the parent room take it out of the succubus wipe the bustard off and don't just give it to the parent he's not gonna do you any favors just cuz you give him a chicken oh no you have to learn them away from the perch with the chicken so you can take the perch but only if you learn on the left side not the right because it doesn't work otherwise all right you know what I have all the pieces now let's just put the Chan you back together and get the [ __ ] off this ship I'm terribly sorry about the parrot oh [ __ ] off no really I know how it must have been for you so now we get to the last puzzle in the game which requires a special pair of red and blue anaglyph 3d glasses which I don't have because I got this digitally then you got to plot out the course to earth on the 3d star chart and you need to use the picture from the desk at the beginning of the game you remember that the game gave me the option to not do that and let 210 you get off her lazy ass and do it for you because that's her [ __ ] job back on earthly oven it's played by Douglas Adams himself left a message for you good afternoon my name is Leah Venus you probably know that I'm sorry about what's happened to you it's funny because you made this that's for me don't try to look for me you won't find me my life's work is done and I've gone fishing those last few lines hit me hard kids Douglas Adams died in 2001 a few years after this game was released and I just loved his books they were brilliant laugh-out-loud funny and a joy to read but his games are a torturing slog through puzzles that only Douglas Adams and people with traumatic brain injuries can comprehend and they're designed to be that way to provoke anger and frustration to put as many obstacles to success in your way that even playing the game becomes a battle of attrition and now that I'm here at the end I can safely say that I know the password to deactivate the bomb it's nobody likes a smartass but as a wise captain once said [ __ ] this [ __ ] to [Music] 6 out of 10 [Music]

Channel: Civvie 11

Views: 460,513

Keywords: cv11, civvie, civvie 11, civvie's dungeon, starship titanic, review, let's play, comedy, entertainment, douglas adams, hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy, don't panic, point and click, adventure game, retro gaming, retro, walkthrough, gameplay, angry game review

Id: cgPzBz8dYD0

Length: 21min 2sec (1262 seconds)

Published: Mon Jul 09 2018