Secrets to Long-Lasting Relationships | Kingsley Okonkwo

in long-lasting relationships relationships can be both simple and hard at the same time i don't like to use the word hard i think a better way to say it is that it can be demanding and every blessing god brings into our lives always demands some responsibility always does that so if you are ready for responsibility really marriage is not supposed to be hard so it's normal if if god gives you admission into university it means you have the responsibility of studying to pass you know you either not take the admission you know and stay at home but if you're going to take the admission they must be ready to study every blessing bring comes to themselves if you don't have a car then you just hop uber or bike or whatever that you don't care you don't know a mechanic you don't know where they buy fuel or if they increase price or fire it's not really your business but when you own a car then you start to know the price of sight that's when you see why people are angry when somebody wants to hit their side mirror because you know the price you see people come down with their suit and share that fight oversight mirror my own side mirror it's it's over a thousand usd one if you jam it we are going to world war i will call up my family members we are going to fight finish that fight so so if you don't own a car for instance i know you're concerned so i'm just trying to say that every blessing has a responsibility attached and if you're ready for it marriage is not there's nothing god does that is hard you know he has already made provision for any challenge you can face he knows us he knows our frame he knows that we are limited sometimes as human beings but the structure has been created to help us hallelujah so i want to share quickly on so a few things like i said i had pasta sharing a lot of them but we're going to share them again hallelujah because we are the guests so i'm going to share them again so let her start okay so um taking off from what you were talking about you know i think that um a lot of times people mistake when god gives you a blessing to think that there will be nothing attached to it he says my yoke is easy and my burden is light is this a burden but it will be light so that's how marriage is when god gives you that blessing there's the responsibility of taking care of it you will service it it's like cars someone does you can't must service it you go for water do you understand if it's those kind of car you will warm it you know those kind of car that you will warm it down like three days before you go out but you must work okay and i think sometimes what some of the challenges of people are struggling in marriage is the foundation um the foundation of your marriage will affect or the foundation of your relationship um i'll take from the last question i was asked um about the guy that is not reaching out or something something and i'll just stand in pastor okay i say this kind of questions they're kind of hard to solve because there's a foundational problem you know so for us for instance um we were friends friendship has always been a major thing for both of us and it still is you know we're friends from the very beginning so if he wasn't calling me it's not hey there's a guy somewhere he's not calling me how do i make a call he's a guy you never call me for two days when they do you and you say i'm busy i'll say i'll call you now i say you know what call me nights you don't want to do again you don't understand we're friends i'm not afraid to talk to him so sometimes when women even call me and say oh my husband is doing this should i tell him should i not i'm like i'm having this conversation this conversation is a conversation you have with him he's your friend why are you afraid to talk to him why are you afraid to ask him questions why are you afraid to ask him for money mom might not give me your money nobody wants do you understand you need to get to the point where that you know that friendship is there so i think the foundation of your relationship or your marriage is what's going to affect the whole marriage foundation also could also mean your family background if you're coming from a family where there are already struggles of divorce one of two things will happen if you're from a family where there was a bad marriage you either make up your mind never to repeat that again or it becomes your normal because how you were brought up is your normal so for some people they don't even brush their teeth daily some people brush their teeth morning at night from instance my children that's their normal so they won't understand if someone else is in the family where they are shouting everybody is a shelter you now meet a family where they whisper they can't understand why why you why are you so upset i'm not upset i'm not even shouting if i shout if i shout here and the girl is like why is he so upset though why he's not shouting no even me i know he's not shouting and sees you that your volume is low you understand so it comes from your family your family has a great way of influencing you the foundation on which you've been brought up usually affects my ideologies in my first thing we ask them what's your parents marriage like what you see all the time you either reproduce or you will try to repel it you will try to say oh i will make sure this does not happen again but that foundation is already wrong and you continue to build on that there's a problem it starts with relationships if there's a problem in relationships and you say let's manage it till we get married marriage is not going to change anyone as well says my does not might not change eliza to a crocodile how do you say that alligator marriage marriage never changes anyone so if there's a problem in the relationship a lot of people say let's just be going we've already printed card there's a problem whether you print that card or not there's a problem i need to be escalated in marriage because in relationship if the person is very annoying the person is rude after 12 hours max you will go to your house in the night but when you are married this person is rude and you know you go home and one referral i'm like okay i'm done for today you get home you talk to yourself it's not that bad it's not about you go back tomorrow you continue again but if you are inside it it's it's it's it gets more intense and after a while you can't handle it anymore so your your foundation affects your perspective it affects the way you see marriage if you see marriage as a reward rather than an assignment you're going to have a problem marriage is not a reward marriage is not i first married because i find person no that's not what marriage is forgive me when i when i'm saying the worry means to come out so if you're offended by pidgin just take the english part i'm speaking and just you know mix it all up so a lot of times people have that perspective of hey i'm getting my dad's why when they give girls engagement ring they go crazy on social media they're shouting oh my god no oh no you dated for 17 years and he gives you a ring and you're saying oh my god no so what was the point to those the years you invested and so when people do those things on the wedding day you are dancing you are just like someone that had no no they were married before and you are dancing as if there's something on the other side of marriage not work so those kind of people when they get into marriage they're expecting something different they're expecting that when demand oh is a reward so from here now is enjoyment maybe but there's also work involved you will get up and you will cook you will pay bills you'll pay school fees when she's tired you will help her when he's tired when he's frustrated he'll take it out on you so all those things will happen in the marriage what if all you are thinking about is i'm now a mrs your right hand is no longer working they ask you any question you say is this way at the risk of being uncomfortable you everything is now with your left hand even at risk of being rude somebody offers you something you take your left hand so that they can see you engage my ring you're missing the entire point that's not what my age is let me let us okay [Laughter] yes all right so uh so for me building elastic marriage like she was saying also i see it like from the standpoint of a building the way a building is going to last is by the foundation that's just it once you miss it in the foundation doesn't matter how much you wish the building to last it's not going to last so let's work on the foundation what is your foundation um she talked about family background very important so i think something the singles should do today is go and quickly take a note you know of what is going on in your present family what your ideal family is um whenever we like she said one about cancer couples that's what we look at first one of the first things we look at if you are used to living a marriage if that's what your parents did it would be an option for you if you saw your parents stick it through to the end then that becomes your normal you know everybody has a normal you just have to make sure your normal is normal you have to make sure your own normal is what normal so and that's why we have pastors because uh if your physical parents didn't do it right your spiritual parents at least should model for you you know how marriage should be so um if you're used to seeing your parents walking kindness to each other you that becomes your normal if you're used to your parents fighting all the time used to your mom washing down your dad you know that is your normal you would think it's okay to wash down your husband or you know your fiance you know and the same thing with a man if you are used to seeing your dad you know bulldoze everybody dominate everybody everybody's like he's the the king of of of the lion of the tribe of flat 8. you know dominates everybody then that's what you're going to reproduce so do do do some notes or some analysis by yourself if you can what your parents marriage is like what you like and what you don't like you know about the marriage and take a note of it okay the foundation is important she also talks about perspective what is your mindset about marriage too many people are entering marriage with what they will get they are so obsessed about what the in fact pastor you know that many people are even getting married because they like the person i'm getting my because they like marriage it's marriage they like not the partner they like the marriage more some people love love yes i'm not their partner and you will know in the way they treat the person you know in how quick they give up because they never really loved this person even wearing pictures you can tell sometimes you know that this person loves this wedding more than the marriage more than the person you know the kind of things that cause quarrels will let you know when you are calling over the wedding at the expense of the marriage it shows what your interest is in shows what your interest is if you really understand the covenant of marriage you can have a two-people wedding because the wedding is for other people the marriage is for you the wedding is for a few hours the marriage is for life do you understand the wedding is a ceremony the marriage is a covenant so when you understand some of those things you you know you won't be like you said oh my god in the proposal that means you don't know what you're signing in for you're signing in for for for service to serve another human being so why are you jumping if you understand how difficult that job is going to be you will not jump so many people in their head they believe they are going to receive all right so very important let the foundation be right i'll end the foundation part by talking about what a covenant is and for 99 of the questions people ask me they are all tied to the understanding of that word covenant if you understand that marriage is a covenant malachi chapter 2 he talks about you know the wife of your you do life of your covenant in genesis chapter 2 when they said the two shall become one person that phrase one person is talking about a covenant as a covenant phrase it means two people shall become one all right it's only a covenant that can do that to two people now if you understand that marriage is a covenant 99 percent of questions you ask you'll be tied to that in a covenant i'm committed to you whether i feel like or not in a covenant it's there's not like my money is our money because two of us i want in a covenant it doesn't like my body it's our body because people ask me oh hey i'm not in the mood to sleep in my house now what should i do it's not your body the bible says that in first corinthians 7. that's not your body it's not your money hallelujah 99 of the questions you will ask if you understand that marriage is a covenant it will solve it for you 99 percent all right so marriage is a covenant two people become permanently it's a prayer inseparably one it means that you don't even exist again you don't even exist it's like when they say if anybody being christ is a new creature do you understand they say all things are what so if you're in christ you're all the old man doesn't even exist you're a new creature the same thing happens in marriage because you know that in christ we are in in the kingdoms of god we are married to christ you know that we're the bride of christ same thing happens in marriage so when you are married to someone the the single part of you is dead forever that's so so what resurrects is like a new being altogether all right so you what's your name sorry beating me please come just stay here blessing okay using my cup are you from marin is there any maricopa in front he's any medical parent he's a wife right yeah she's by your side please two of you come because if i wear them now they might be joined truly [Laughter] praise god hallelujah all right please what's your name madoka yes what's your name what banji okay please come don't move there for the purpose of this movie you're still single so your name again duper banji all right what was your last name are they surgical so when when when banji and dubai are coming to the altar to get married this is duplex an individual this banji from the did they come to this altar to get married banji dies and duper dies and they both now resurrect as bandup or duban so [Music] they now you can come close together so they are now joined in the eyes of god banji doesn't exist duper doesn't exist they have now become one before god if you understand this and this oneness is supposed to be permanent forever this is what if see if people understand that what i'm entering into i see people that hide their money in marriage i said you don't understand you have given your life but you're hiding your money so in your eyes your money is more valuable i think your money is in the safe but your life is out there at risk because when you marry somebody you're the first person that can kill you i watch crime stuff a lot this u.s in america's american crime real life crime not as i'm here and i can be american police that if i've watched that thing enough to know who is at fault and how to go about it once somebody dies the first suspect he's a spouse they don't even care if like the angel they'll say that where were you at four p.m yesterday they don't care who you are he's where were you you are the first suspect so i see if you're hiding your money deep personally if all dupont needs to do was burn this for every food say now planting an egg he tomorrow morning alone this guy you can send this guy to heaven you're planting a net he said what's the use of hiding your money then you release yourself to her you're at risk already so people don't understand that if you understand that the joining is forever it's not for two weeks it's not for trials not let me see how it goes when you understand that then you will no longer rush into it you will check well and say am i right to do this for the rest of my life the reason why marriage seems hard for many people is that they are not getting value from it anything you are getting value from you don't see it as hard you see it as what it you only use hard when what you are getting out of it it's not commensurate to what you're putting in then it seems hard somebody get what i'm saying so you look well that can i trust myself or my life with this person if you need to hide your money you need to you have asked me that i buy property on whose name should we buy it when you ask those questions like i said 99 percent questions people ask me is title covenant if both of you are one in whose name should we buy it is there one bandu is the only property it's very simple do you understand somebody if banji's mom for instance needs money and dupe in his money who should we attend to first duke is the owner of the money yes because the saying oh our mother needs money you know it's our money first you must know that's our money and our money and our money so these are the mindsets that people still you see here a lot of mice i a lot of separation going on in marriage and you say it's marriage that's no matter a lot of things that people have is not marriage it's not even if you understand what marriage is it's not my mother it's our mother it's our money so we decide how we spend it is somebody getting what i'm saying bandu is one and when you understand the covenant you understand the terms of every covenant in every covenant their terms and conditions ephesians 5 solves the terms and conditions for every family i will go into that later thank you clap for bantu for me what's your next point so we're obviously just foundation i'll be choosing that we can spend the whole time on foundation but but let's let's do something else let's because the foundation you know you know when you when you were doing here i was just thinking this is actually how it really looks to god they are one so he's and where he is he's taller than her so she's literally his body she's from here down yes she's his body and this is the head so they are one individual to god so when they come before god they are one person and you know that's how we are with christ right that's why he will take these stripes and you you'll be healed you understand because we're in covenants with him we're one with him he's our head we're his body so when he was taking the stripes i was taking it because we're together we're one so that foundation once you get covenant any other question yeah will be answered so what we have do we've done is review the formula you cannot be changing numbers yeah do you understand so one is covenant covenant is like that and it's only by it's only death that can separate you in covenant yeah so the only way that you can separate these two people is to cut the head of the body how was that that's death that's why we said until death do us first so covenant is much deeper than a brice maze coming out and dancing hey can your breasts miss ever it's much more than that because the breast means they will dance and they will go home you will not have to deal with the terms of the covenant so mind is not something to be taken lightly at all um second thing i think for us friendship okay so friendship um friendship is one of you know i started talking about friendship a few minutes ago how friendship literally changes everything part of the problem is that people enter into relationships for relationship let me put it this way so you see a girl that you like so you're like hi my name is listen what's your name i just want to take you out be friends first it's from when we have friends that will now know whether we should even take it to the next level so talk have conversations and not every friendship is meant to end in marriage so it doesn't mean that just because this person it doesn't admire you not become enemies with the person that means you were never having friends in the first place so friendship is the first thing friendship is and you see a lot of guys won't receive issue when they are friends it's because let me give you an example for pasque and i we're friends so basket didn't really really really propose proposed like us he claims he did but you know in the in women's book he's not really proposal we were friends so my god was down if us okay had come because you must understand i also have there's some things that women have they have these idols in their head of the kind of guy they want to marry he must be a certain way he must be tall dark handsome so all the short fair ugly guys who married him he must have six pack so people that don't have six pack and call if they have three and a half won't you manage so you know i had my own ideals i had my own idols in my head or what i wanted and they were more what i didn't want that what i wanted okay i didn't know what i wanted exactly but i knew what i didn't want so i knew that i didn't want to marry pastor that was totally out of the question it was not even negotiable so if you're a pastor a lay minister a minister there's a way you will be nearing ministers or sitting around ministers i don't want because i just thought i'm a pastor's wife i can't deal i can't be like what's going to be smiling instead of you i know those things i barely have enough energy for myself to be chasing people i just had my own issues i'm like i can't deal secondly i didn't want to marry anybody i was definitely not doing that so for one evil men told me i felt they were arrogant and even though they said they take care of their wives i think they take care of their wives so they can boost so i just had all those things in my head not necessarily true but you know you just have some things that you have picked up over the years and saturn has helped you to crystallize so i had those things and evil people once it's december like this wherever you are in the world the esta planning village and me i am such a city girl god i cannot deal with village you i cannot go to a stream mosquito cannot bite me i cannot see that in village meeting i cannot greet the whole world there was just a lot of it's stressful and then they would go from house to house when they come back in december go from outside let's go and greet and see this let's go and i'm like i'm stressed i don't have enough greeting to go around i'm like this is so stressed august meeting they will plumb i can't i don't i i can't i can't function like that so i say i'm not marrying bull let me just marry you my boy that's not powerful i like them just the way i am you know they bought me legos for a reason so i had all those things and i definitely didn't want to marry a man that was hairy i didn't know that beard gang would rain now that time i said me i'm very hairy if you see me huh i said god made somebody's area now come on bon gorilla i can't deal i cannot deal then i want to buff my baby i'll be opening the hair to look forward to answering i can't do this i honestly can't do this for myself ah i said tell yourself the truth your hairiness is enough your children will be fine see this is a makeup that's making me that not my hair used to dry here we now use eyebrows all these things so i said no i can't do this i understand i can't do this with my children and really if you see my son david david has a beard what's telling me that he says mommy see my beard is coming i see my brother are five years old you better tell that beard to be going up so i knew i didn't want that i didn't want a man that was hairy and i didn't want a man that was fair basketball has been very fair it's not now that's a nigerian song but when i met him i was very yellow he was a yellow ebook boy so i just knew that this can't work so he didn't come to me and say oh i like you i don't have something no if he did the the the sword that i used to caught him i kept it somewhere i held my nail so there was no way if he had come that way that i would have ever been my god would have been so up i wouldn't have agreed and i was even in a relationship so there was no way i would have said anything to him if he had brought that leg so he came as a friend and the first couple of times we talked we talked about the relationship i was in he kept talking to me about it are you sure you're in love with this guy you sure man i thought the pastor was giving me cancer actually pastor was finding information for himself of course that's not really how it happens you know a lot of a lot of things go wrong when people have all those and because i have all those idols i knew that if this guy had come like he wants to marry there's no way i would admire this guy there's no way so he came as a friend and god helped me to relax because every single thing i did not want tada is right here and i thank god that he came as a friend because if not i would have missed because you will hold on to those things you believe i don't want to buy from this place i don't want hey mia for my soul god forbid you know whether is the soldier that will be a soldier of the lord that will carry you about there's a way god can walk these things so you know being friends helped us from the beginning i let my guard down he knew it was so interesting that as being my friend he knew more about me than the person that i was engaged to because we started that relationship on i want to marry you and i looked at it okay favor me robert boy doctor who said i cannot give birth differences i just analyzed the thing one plus one is equal to two so this works for me born again christian loves the lord let's be moving when pastor k came with his friendship you know he made things easy for me because i didn't i didn't think about my so by the time i was now ready to move to the next level we we were so close he knew everything about me there was i didn't need to form anymore there was no you know when somebody asked you to be in a relationship with them there's there's something that just goes up you don't want them to know everything about you you know at least let's be going small small first let's get to the other one we might not surprise them afterwards you know so by the time we got married first week into our minds was asking is this how i wish you were doing marriage because it's supposed to be harder than this navi i said i don't know they said we should just go together and be living in the same house we're doing that so i kind of think we're married i'm not really sure but i don't think there's anything we're doing wrong so we we're friends and that friendship is what has sustained us even now because children will come they will go when we had issues with having children i waited for eight years we were friends so it wasn't a case of hey my husband my husband god said we might as well what's that it's our problem if i'm crying you better be crying or be comforting me he said you know so we we were so close that close and that's what has sustained us more than anything you see that has never offended me of course not but a friend loves at all times when someone is your friend it's easy to forgive them when someone's your friend you get along when someone's your friend there's nothing you won't do for them if there are things that you're you're in a relationship now there are things or you have you're married there are things that your husband is doing so he's not half what some of your friends have been doing to you since but they are still in your life why because you are thinking friendship friendship yeah so um and i'm going to talk to the single ladies a bit i understand the dilemma ladies face in particular for men men can go after the woman they want but for women women have to wait for whoever comes you know women generally don't go about toasting men so what that means is that you know you can get 10 suitors in a year and the whole ten are not the kind of people you want to date so i understand that dilemma so what i would ask you to do what i would tell you to do is number one be careful of those idols you have in your mind most women do because you have the gift of fantasies one of the gifts god gave you you have to give to fantasy that's why from childhood if you see most of the movies ladies watch they are all fanta romantic fantasies because women generally relate with fantasy you were given that gift women can dream so that's why they can they know from when you're young you're watching those movies where somebody's in a castle you know the one prince come on white horse you know come on guys don't relate to those things but women love it cinderella you forgot your shoes somebody now pick your shoe men don't think man like war movie football things like that but women you have the gift of fantasy so if you're not careful because of movies and music and other things that you pick up as you're growing you form a lot of idols in your head just like my wife's own they were very baseless but they were reeling ahead and they could have altered her life yes truly our son is hairy as she's she she she imagined but you know we still love the boy like that do you understand but but you know so when you build those things in your head you know as a woman oh you want the guy to be this high you want guy to be this rich you know he must have a car i can't track her you see all those things will stop you from god's best because sometimes eligible guys come but you don't even give them a chance because they don't fit into the mold you are carrying you don't think they are financially buoyant enough you don't think they are good with they are fluent enough it doesn't talk well of course he's scared when he's around you that's why he doesn't talk well you know all those things god gives you raw materials most times so that person can become i wasn't like this when i met my wife at all i look cool and all that now trust me i wasn't like this at all i was very thin slim hungry-looking she's one that told me to have a throw a half-beard so my looks totally attributed to her see most times sometimes god sends you that person that you don't like self sometimes or sometimes you know and i'm not a character and i mean maybe physically god sent that person to you because you're the one that will refurbish and renovate and decorate that person but they'll send the person to your raw material you're expecting person to come in already finished form which will happen i follow what i'm saying so watch out for what what things you are building in your head they might be stopping you they might be stopping you okay so um she talked about friendship now talk about facts facts um proverbs 24 universe three and four says every enterprise is built by wise planning it becomes strong through common sense they see and it profits wonderfully by keeping abreast of the facts now if you're going to build a relationship or marriage that will last both of you must be interested in learning now if you are married to someone that is never interested at all it's not in a meeting like this is not watching with you you will have to attend a prayer seminar so that you can learn how to pray for your spouse but if both of you are here that is better all you need is to invest in knowledge keeping abreast of the facts everything profits when you keep abreast of the facts how much lenin are you putting into marriage in this regard i'll usually speak to men a bit because generally men hate to learn especially about marriage men don't mind learning about money but they just believe what are you talking about what can anybody tell me about marriage men are just wonderful pastor we run the counseling ministry as you know and we can put all over the world i've never had a woman negotiate price before never because women believe in in in fact they know that the price we are giving them is cheap compared to the value of their relationship and their peace i've never had a woman say oh this amounts and of course the money is in dollars i never had a woman say this amount is too much but i've heard i've had i've had serious of men come to me by the side or whatever or sometimes even in the midst of the council and say they have one question do you want that's the question they have can we get discount i say you you don't you don't have sex [Laughter] because men just don't see the value in marriage and they don't understand that marriage impacts them like nothing else they just don't see it [Laughter] so i think that time our charge there was a hundred something dollars per hour or something i can't remember so a guy one guy said you know he felt that money was too much he said can we get i said listen the same one hour i'm using to talk to you i said this is me giving back this is not my value of what i'm doing for you i said when i go and speak in places i've spoken for in that same one hour and i get up to five thousand dollars upward so i'm spending i'm giving you that same time one hour private you know coaching and you're saying hundred dollars i said it's cheap it's not it's not worth it for me financially i'd rather wait till i have speaking engagements where am paid the higher and i have to mention figaro because men respect figo i'm not cheap don't because that's a money bet as a federalist store he won't price i thinks i'm volkswagen listen i'm ferrari or relationship don't do that [Laughter] and they don't do that so intentionally because men don't respect emotionally these women that respect everyone can just respect you for no reason men know you have to show them why they should respect you that's how men are so staying with the facts men sometimes hate to learn now but i'm either a male or female we all need to learn basically you must give relationship that level of respect marriage is one of the most important things in your life the bible says if when you treat your wife badly your prayers will be hindered so for men you need to understand that your prosperity is tied to who you marry and how you treat that person that you marry why do we have successful doctors that have bad marriage is simple the doctor spent seven years learning medicine zero years learning marriage so he's a successful doctor because he spent seven years and he's still reading books he still has mentors medical he's still learning but marriage zero learning so he's a successful lawyer zero marriage i mean zero uh you know unsuccessful uh um one of us knew larry king that just passed on i think he was married seven times or something like that i mean that's the dawn of presenting that's like the mega star of presenting i think at the time i said reading about him i don't know if he was still true to her but he was still the highest person in cnn in terms of presenting highest views highest whatever so you can imagine the what the quality but he wasn't just ready to learn about relationships obviously because somebody like that could have afforded the highest coach there are some people that you i mean you could afford high school to learn about marriage you can't make me married mistake seven times see worse can be a genuine mistake once anybody can make mistake once twice okay seven you are consciously dodging knowledge you're dodging it is somebody getting what i'm saying so let's learn read books attend seminars like this see counselling is not something you go for when you have trouble sometimes you go for it so that you don't have trouble just talk to a relationship coach check the health of your marriage you see just like your physical health corona just corona kills more people that have underlining conditions that means they had something in them before when people die it's not that day they died they have been dying but nobody spotted it or paid attention to it so sometimes it's okay to check the health of your marriage you can go for counsel you can read books together you can attend seminars like this learn if you're a man then you need to learn about you you can't have a successful marriage the woman by chance you must learn that's why in facebook three they said husbands treat your wife according to knowledge you can't do it by chance you must learn you must learn you can have as a woman you can't successfully live with a man without learning about meno and this is what many people do they're just just marrying they have not learned about the opposite i heard you talking about that today they are not about the opposite sex we are different we are never made from the same material in fact we are two different beings two different equals animaking over truth like hyena lie on marine church versus we're not even the same at all we are not the same we didn't come from the same materials i know most of you are in the good world teaching church so i know you already know this whenever you say material men were made from dust you remember him from a bone we're not the same do you understand i don't even know why we join together because we're not the same two different animals we're not the same imagine an eagle marine a chicken they will need a lot of communication to survive a lot of understanding abby say me i want to fly so when we fly to this point you stop there because that's where your wind can reach then i'll fly then i'll come back but to say how we are one we are equal and that's what the world is trying to teach that men and women are saying we are one we are never one we are never equal we are different we have different roles don't let this modern modern talk that is destroying homes and families because when people are pushing an agenda check their results the western world teaching you men and women are the same check the divorce rates if it's working for them the person you want to copy check if it's working for them they said oh we don't beat children that's not scriptural though scriptures say beat your child when it's necessary i'm not talking about just beating for no reason good morning just last landing slapping there's no i'm not talking about those kind of but i'm saying if it gets to the stage where beating and spanking you know is needed be free to release that grace but you see the western world say no no don't beat your children have you seen how their kids behave check the facts don't just follow because they are they are saying something check is it working for them that's what you need to find out is somebody getting what i'm saying many women are not the same so men came from from dust women came from from from the bone they say oh we are equal there should no rules then why are why is the only woman carrying children you know if it was up to these modern people now you know in every family we took upon the first one banjo born the second one am i correct because we are equal we must do everything together god specifically put the womb in the woman and listen god didn't only give the woman the physical capacity to carry children he also gave her the emotional capacity god is a master planner now they didn't only shape this mic to be cordless they also gave it the capacity to transmit so if i just take a while you would never have any coded mic in this church if i've taken my recorded mic and removed the code it doesn't make it a wireless mic it won't function because it don't have the emotional or the capacity to transmit this one is not not the lack of god that makes it cordless it also has capacity so if god made the woman give the woman a womb he was okay but if if you give me a womb now by the time the first man gives birth and all the men see the stress he went through men would be stealing people's babies nobody is going to have a children to child the man will push he will go through that pushing or go through cs that swing and that three months of not eating this one when his friend's seat says my brother i'm not even marrying i'm interested i would just adopt or steal a baby but you see a woman she will carry that pregnancy she will be spitting her feet is swollen her nose is falling she's suffering she can help me she will push she will abuse the man i won't do this again one year after what's happening she's back there because she has the emotional capacity to do so she also has the mental capacity to do so that's why you can easily leave a woman with three kids and nobody's stressed leave a man with three kids if you find the three when you come back he just doesn't have the same capacity he's the kids that will take care of him guess what apart from the womb god gave women the breast that has implicated you that you are the one that will nurture the children the breast is the first meal you know we are the one that embrace the sexual the first work that they've created breast for it's fulfilling i don't think adam maximized the breast we maximized little i don't think so it was purely for feeding that's why the baby is the food is and it's not detachable you can't say where he go i hold one you hold one take one to walk and call the baby this when you see it you know that the master of the universe it wasn't a mistake that a woman has a capacity to raise kids and it's not an insult it's not a a demeaning job it's god saying it is you i trust with the next generation oh that's a good point to clap [Applause] because the western world will have you think that is less of a job that go out there and walk statistically speaking and i'm going to end here because i'm taking the love that statistically speaking they have found that moving most women now that work circularly with their husbands now i'm not saying women shouldn't work definitely um the way life is now most times the man's income is not enough i must have don't want to have dreams and she's healthy so it's fine she can't walk but they have found out all right that most of these men that even work corporately and do well that they they are still stressed that most women when they feel they are not spending enough time with their kids or raising their kids enough no matter the amount of money they make they say most of them are still stressed emotionally i'm not going to write it or said it it's studies and most women have spoken to said yes they still have that nagging feeling that i'm not spending time with my kids i don't even know who's talking to them how sad isn't my kids for me so who taught you this when you're saying what what's this one so must mention have that nagging feeling that i'm not i'm not raising my kids well because you were created with that feeling there's that connection when a baby breastfeeds there's a chem there's one of the hormones and chemicals moving makes both of you oxytocin that makes more of you be close it's flowing all these things the master of rivers designed it but the western world is trying to say no men and women are the same we're not the same at all you must understand that men are work oriented emotional men have ego men men don't have as much words as women so women always tell me my husband doesn't apologize i say he has apologies he just didn't know because you expect him to approach just the way a woman will apologize that i'm saying you can't marry society without knowledge you can't walk over that you just want to mind somebody i hope no because the man woman are different you're a woman you're expecting things from a woman person he is doing it for emancipation if a man offends you he you will likely not come and say i'm sorry because in the world of men would apologize like that in the word of man how do we apologize if me and pascal has an issue if i call him and say you see my city match that is an apology and if he tells me yes he watch him that is he has accepted the apology but women can understand that in the world of men until we bring that matter and say well this is what i did to you i'm sorry for what i did oh man do you apologize like that so when your husband is laughing with you over something that's when there's a penny you should dance his apology so i tell him collect that one first sir continue juicing with him later when tension is down tell him that next time if you offend me just tell me i'm sorry he's better than this drama and dancing when you you're gonna offend you and you go and buy your best food going by straight i know she likes you i come back to you i said ah i bought to y'all will you eat that is apologies one wife like that told me that she likes you that i was about affirmative i was going to buy sia i said i'll bust you out will you eat she said she was really angry that's not noisy in the world of women when you buy something that the woman likes and she's not eating that's a sign of i'm angry and that means come and beg me in the world of men if i buy suya and i know you like suya and i actually will leave it to you and you say you know it's here that's breakthrough it means only me we eat two people [Laughter] do you understand because men are literal beings because women will say leave me believe me they mean don't leave me in the world of men leave me means leave me all the things i'm saying i had to learn it so my wife would tell me when you upset me just tell me i'm sorry when i'm saying leave me i don't mean leave me i mean show me that you love me and you want to be with me but for me no i said leave me say okay no problem so you must communicate to bridge this gap you must learn how men and women speak you must learn the language of women when a woman is saying leave me doesn't mean leave me when a woman is saying there's nothing wrong it's not necessarily so because in their world they speak in parables you must decode when she says something must take one minute to think what's the right answer somebody get what i'm saying am i fat if your wife asks you am i fat you can't say yes zach i don't know i can notice because you're always fine to me i guess what i'm saying when a woman is asking some questions sometimes she's not really expecting an answer women are way more intelligent than men so first time they know the answer they are asking you for conversation so don't be quick to advise say this resolution should i wear she knows what she wants to wear whatever i tell her i will not count she will choose the one she wants to wear this one i like two of them i like the colors and i like the feet of this one i'll be going don't think your advice is of any value there she's asking for companionship just this with her so i like this dress this lesson i don't know last night oh this one like the 15 too hey thank you women are intelligent they're living their way around things foreign she knows what she wants to do when i was younger my dad should do it i said to check this one but then she comes out to drive if she's wearing another one if i watch part of the two was showing me and i cracked my head though to think of the answer that's what's happening me because i cracked my head to give the answer and to analyze the reason why i chose the answer when i fast they think on their feet men thinking is a true for us women say i want to think we're going to hide women when we never understand it because women are talking they are thinking at the same time we can be talking and thinking when we were talking about nothing well i think we're not talking hallelujah i can go not to waste your time but the point is that you must learn you can't dabble into this and succeed in marriage you need to know that woman can be in the mood for no reason sometimes it's not your fault just be there hold her sometimes no words are enough just hold her but most men if your wife is crying to ask them but they don't know what to do they want to look for what to say your name is speaker and even if you are this issue doesn't need logic just hold her she will be fine she will see her problem and say the solution herself if somebody gonna know what i'm saying so stay with the facts is there a last one ah that dream will come to that so we'll do questions are we ready thank you guys you

Channel: Kingsley Okonkwo

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Id: g7MllvZ01ck

Length: 49min 56sec (2996 seconds)

Published: Sat Feb 20 2021