SECRETS OF LONG LASTING RELATIONSHIPS

word of prayer a father in heaven we hallow your name tonight we thank you for every whom represented here the bible says that we're two or three are gathered together in your name you're there and they're missed and so we thank you for your tangible presence in this garden tonight and we pray that jehovah you do what only you can do we set you at liberty to do what only you can do we ask that you realign destinies back to you we pray that you realign marriages back to you we pray that you turn our hearts to you tonight in the name of jesus and in the end we'll have full course to glorify your name we thank you because you're here with us and you move in a mighty way in jesus name in jesus name we have prayed amen and amen come on let's go and i'll see you in the course of this event [Music] good evening everybody oh i didn't hear you good evening everybody i didn't hear you good evening everybody it's not the mask okay uh let me hear you good evening everybody all right we are in for a good time this evening there's only one thing i'm going to ask you to do you are going to have to tell yourself that you are not in church do you understand you're gonna have to tell yourself that you are not in church what do i mean by that a lot of times people have an idea of what is supposed to happen in church and if you are not careful you will have an adjustment problem okay it's a seminar and it's high time church people understood how that we follow what the program is about i remember years ago i was reading the book by kenneth hagin and he said one of the challenges we have as christians is that we like to do everything in every service he said if it's a worship service we should sing if it's a teaching service we should teach if he's a testimony service we should share testimonies okay it's a seminar so um it's all about singing i'm just saying somebody's on the road right now thinking when they start they will pray for like 15 20 minutes then after that they will sing for like 30 minutes the message will start like five so i would get there like 5 15. the person will be okay just send the person a message and tell the person to join us online because we're live all right and we're good to go turn with me to the book of luke chapter six all right accurate time keeper can you please start and do your job luke chapter 6 and verse 46 to verse 49 can i get somebody on the keyboard um hallelujah so that judge people can be very comfortable all right just very solemnly gently i'm the speaker you are not so you don't compete with me gently amen are we ready for this you still want me to make you more comfortable want to be more comfortable should we sing a song nah luke chapter 6 and verse 46 to verse 49 it says why do you call me lord lord and do not do what i as for everyone who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice i will show you what they are like so pay attention now we have started all right jesus is saying when people come to me and i teach them what they hear is not as important as what they do with what they hear is that if they put my principles into practice i said this is what they are like they are like a man building a house who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock when a flood came that's the torrent struck that house but could not shake it because it was well built but the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation the moment the torrent struck that house it collapsed and its destruction was complete number one it's all about principles it's all about principles okay it's all about principles jesus says if you hear my teaching and you practice my principles you are like a person who built a house but before he started building okay he dug his foundation and laid it on a he said listen the winds will come the torrent will strike against that house but it will not shake because it was well built in other words it's possible for you to start your journey okay into matrimony and say to yourself my marriage is going to be strong my marriage is going to be blissful and jesus is saying if you build according to my principles you will have what you want are we getting this when you see people going through hardship in their marriage it's not because the devil attacks them jesus is saying the devil is attacking everybody okay are you paying attention the devil is attacking everybody if you look at this story the winds came the torrent struck against both houses the one that stood and the one that fell is not a function of whether the devil attacked it was a function of what they did before the attack how they built their houses one family was building according to the principles of jesus the other family was hearing the principles of jesus but not building according to the principles of jesus i came this evening to talk to you about something i think is important especially to married people what to do with a difficult marriage somebody says i'm saying why do you want to talk to me about that because you are going to have a difficult marriage pastor how can you say that we just read it in the bible can you see every marriage is going to face difficulty all right every marriage is going to face difficulty so it is not that whether it's not whether you're gonna have difficulty it is what are you going to do with your difficult marriage my answer to you this evening is practice the principles of jesus it's as simple as that practice the principles of jesus don't just hear them you know we church folks we like to pray about everything and it's okay to pray about everything the only challenge is we we assume that prayer is that thing we do and we dump responsibility on god no prayer is a dialogue where you talk to god and he talks back to you a lot of times god answered your prayer before you prayed because the answer to a lot of our prayers is in the principles of jesus that we have failed to practice so you go back and say father my relationship is going through hardship my marriage is on fire and it will take you back to ephesians chapter five the principles of jesus the question is are you going to build as a matter of fact if you were building according to those principles when the attack comes it's not like the attack will not come but when it comes you are going to stand do you understand what i'm saying so if you're single and you're listening to me there is a way to live your life as such that 25 years down the line 40 years down the line you won't be divorced because from now you are building according to the principles of jesus so pastor what should i do with a difficult marriage all right let's start looking at the principles of jesus this is the first thing i'm going to tell you to do what should i do with a difficult marriage call it what it is a season not a difficult marriage okay let's start from there what should i do with my difficult marriage call it what it is a difficult season not a difficult marriage okay a difficult season not a difficult marriage sometimes you just have to stand be patient and let things blow over because the bible says as long as the earth endures seed time and harvest when the cold and winter day and night shall not cease you know sometimes if you face a challenge and you do nothing about it sometimes just by staying alive the challenge will go do you understand what i'm saying because it comes in cycles what does that mean when that challenge goes braze yourself it's going to come back again are we getting this it comes in cycles so when you find yourself in a difficult difficult place you need to understand it is a difficult experience don't label your marriage the season it's not a difficult marriage it is a difficult season all right a difficult season so stand upon the word of god hold on to the word of god stand psalm one and verse one two three blessed is the man that walks under the castle of your godly no stand in the way of sinners no sit with the scumful but his delight is in the principles of jesus the law of the lord and daring does he meditate day and night it shall be like a tree planted by streams of water his leaves will always be green he will never be afraid of heat the bible says and whatever he does prospers so even though the marriage is going through a difficult season you can say to yourself this marriage is going to prosper because that's what the word of god says stand on the word call it what it is a difficult season not a difficult marriage why am i saying call it what it is call it a difficult season not a difficult marriage because difficult is not impossible there are two different things difficult is not impossible what i'm trying to let you understand is to put the challenge in perspective it is a difficult season not a difficult marriage and even difficult is not impossible they don't mean the same things in other words you have to change your attitude towards your marriage okay the bible says that the just shall live by faith in other words believe god's word and stand on god's word psalm 23 and verse 4. though i walked through the valley of the shadow of death i will fear no evil a couple of years ago when we had a dinner with pasqui i mean pastor k kingsley um i asked him a question we're going to have another q a session tonight and we're still going to ask him question but i remember vividly asking him how that for a period of about seven years okay there was no pregnancy there was no child how did you survive if you were here you remember what he said is that the challenge is that a lot of christians don't just believe the word of god a lot of people don't just believe the word of god listen this is what happens when we come to church and we are singing and we are saying those scriptures they feel good but you need to understand beyond how we feel in church we're supposed to go home and live according to those scriptures first you've got to believe them you've got to confess them and then you've got to practice them so it's difficult it is not impossible call it what it is luke chapter 1 and verse 17 classic edition of the amplified bible it says for with god nothing is ever impossible and no word from god shall be without power or impossible or fulfillment can you see that so you stand upon the word of god the bible says whatever i lay my hands upon to do shall prosper the bible says that the righteous shall flourish like a palm tree so i declare my marriage shall forge pastor you don't understand he slapped me in the name of jesus my marriage shall flourish pastor you don't understand i'm the man of the house but i don't have money my marriage shall flourish stand upon the word of god let me give you another one you like to quote it but now is the time for us to practice it romans chapter 8 and verse 8 classic edition of the amplified buddha true and for those who love god and are called according to his design and purpose hallelujah all things work together for my good you don't understand it was two months before the wedding he dumped me all things work together for my good you don't understand i've had five miscarriages all things see it's scripture you love it it feels good when things are working but when things are not working it is still the same scripture all things are working together for my good you got to stand upon the word of god the reason why it looks like we have difficult marriages is because you see a lot of believers don't stand upon the word of god as far as their marriage is concerned that's the truth we know how to fight enemies what we don't understand is the greatest enemy is the end in me the nay in me that part of me that says this is what the word of god says but nay it can happen for every other person but me that end in me okay is the enemy did you come tonight that's the enemy so believe the word of god pastor you don't understand i'm 38 nobody has ever asked me out all things god has allowed all the bozos to escape me god listen spin it look at the word of god and then tell yourself what you want to tell yourself based on the word of god say pastor you don't understand if a woman comes right now and says she wants to marry me i don't have money say father i thank you because my lack of money has made all the bad girls avoid me because all things are working together for my good in other words there is a man for me out there there is a season for me out there my moment is going to come and when it comes i'm going to be ready because god is using everything to prepare me one of the things i love to hear about from married people is how many of them in retrospect are grateful for the heartbreak they are grateful for the backstab they are grateful for being dumped it's amazing when it happened they said god was not good but give them five years said to your neighbor the single person around you say tell the person just take five years five years tell the person in five more years you will be thanking god i'm telling you the truth you have printed the card already you have paid the caterer already but you're still going to be saying thank you jesus i almost did but i thank you they taught you with statistics people who are almost married they don't know that you are still statistics people almost got almost into trouble amen the guy that dumped you now will be married with four children and you still don't want anything to do with him because now you know better somebody listen to me pastor what if i'm the one that broke somebody's heart all things what if i'm the one that dumped people all things because sometimes the tenderness of the men you use as point of contact is not just a function of the goodness of god in their life it's a function of the kind of mistakes they have made and the vows they made afterward not to be this kind of man anymore all somebody say all things all things god is going to use all things all things if jonah had obeyed god jesus would not have had a message illustration god said to jonah go from what okay go to nineveh if you had just obeyed and gone to nineveh why would what would jesus have said to the pharisees i will give you no sign for the sign of jonah as jonah was in the belly of the fish god is going to use everything the will of god was for him to go to nineveh he went to tarshish i will use it in the minimum god will use it as an illustration like we like to say to you god will turn your mess into a message you better believe it i'm telling you the truth some of us you will sit with just children and grandchildren and you would tell them stories you will look like a superhero because of what you have been through because god is going to use it believe it somebody right now you look at your marriage and you don't it's not about amen things are not that bad hallelujah things are not that bad man of god settle down what am i supposed to do with this difficult marriage okay let me tell you three things and i'm out of your face number one mind your business what should i do with my difficult marriage mind your business your role in marriage is to love god's role is to change and the challenge with many of us is we say i'm not going to be happy until you change that's not your business you see what there's something i love about god the way it created all of us everybody has something special about them so when you look at somebody and all you see is the bad side it is because that is the part you like to look at i'm telling you the truth when you watch american movies okay you you keep abusing your country because they select what they show you it's around here that we select the bad to show the world it shouldn't be i was shocked when i got to the us and i saw beggars i'm telling you the truth i got out of a mall i saw somebody in fact he was proud and begging at the same time you know some of these homies i mean it was just you know you got something for me i'm like seriously i saw homeless people i saw people on the streets it's everywhere i'm telling you the truth if we shoot all our movies in lucky people's perspective of nigeria will change but as long as we keep going back to the village to shoot they have villages too they call them countryside they don't shoot all their movies from there amen it's the same thing about your relationships the same thing about you you are not just shocked you are not just fat there is more to you so do what mind your business your purpose in marriage is to love your spouse not to change the person i love you ladies you confuse it you can only mother your children as an moth okay and love your husband sometimes actually whether you don't have enough children i don't know women now confuse it and you don't want to you know you're trying to straighten him before we put your trouser up why don't you do this why don't you do that look at the way your tie is look at the way you are eating you are making noise as you are eating see for this reason a man shall leave his some people are reminding him the reason he left he didn't cleave to you to be reminded look at where you dropped your shoes look at where you dropped your butters that is what mothers do that's not the job of wives amen okay [Laughter] are we here together focus i'm telling you so my husband is not lovable it's not true everybody is lovable she's fat but she can cook focus on the fact that she can cook okay or better still she's fat but she can pray listen who like my help when the devil shows up but when you have some thick sister that knows how to pray in the name of jesus when the trouble goes away you will not even remember the fact that she's no she's big for the lord just focus on the good side okay and love the good side hallelujah set your neighbor from my mind your business what do i do with this difficult marriage number to cast your care commit the issues to god in prayer okay literally go to god and tell him my husband is wicked father my husband is insensitive i put him in your hands that's what the bible says cast your cares upon him for he cares for you tell him exactly how it how he feels bible says ask and it shall be given unto you a lot of times we ask god for things it's time for you to start asking god questions say god what should i do with this wayward daughter of yours it's only in church she's sister the way she behaves at home she looks like a name starts with jay god what am i supposed to do the only challenge why some men don't like to pray that prayer because they don't like what god has to say i can tell you categorically god will tell you be patient amen be patient be patient pray for her be patient with her love her nevertheless i don't know what god is telling you but you take that matter to god in prayer this is what i'm saying don't talk about it until you have prayed about it no matter what the issue is don't talk about it until you have prayed about it many of us we talk to men about things we have not talked to god about and a lot of times people don't even know the answer to give you because some of them have not been there before they may have been married for years but they were not married to your husband so they don't have your answers stop going to toyota for what is wrong with your bands they can't fix it they didn't make it so they can't fix it are we getting this they can't fix it you go to the manufacturer hallelujah so don't talk about it until you have prayed about it watch this and stop talking about it if you have prayed about it somebody listening to me right now if you just stop discussing your marriage with your siblings the peace of god will be restored to your home you pray about it but you know you're looking for emotional relief you don't get that from god a lot of times because sometimes when you take a matter to god it does not show you the other person it shows you your side the only people that side with you unconditionally are your siblings your family members so after praying to god about it you like to talk to people about it who will see it only from your perspective i shall be you like to hear those kind of things and then after they have done their judgment and they've had their field i mean they've had their say concerning your spouse you will go back to that person they have a bad image of him they have spoken negative but you are the one that has to live with him the god who wants to say something the god who wants to change him is talking to you but we don't get we don't want that one see are you saying we shouldn't go for counselling i didn't say so but counseling is different from gossip when you talk about a problem with somebody who does not have the capacity to solve it you are gossiping and a lot of times you gossip about yourself because you are talking to people who can't help so don't talk about it until you have prayed about it if you have prayed about it stop talking about it hallelujah philippians chapter four verse six to nine i mean six to seven you live in translation says don't worry about anything instead pray about everything tell god what you need and thank him for all he has done then you will experience god's peace can you see see the word of god is so simple and straightforward you want peace in your home take the matter to god not the family what's up group you want peace take the matter to god not to a man the bible says the moment you pray about it the peace of god is god's first what a response to whatever your problem is and a lot of times our problem is not solution our problem is the lack of peace because some of us know that the solution will take time i want my husband to become sensitive is not a seminar issue it is a process but you can be peaceful in the process and the bible says that peace is god's deposit the moment you go to him in prayer not go to people for advice if you would go to people for advice make sure it is because god said good to go to a man for advice that's the truth so many times i want to seek people's counsel a lot of times you know i just feel let me go and see you know sometimes you begin to feel like when you have people in your life who are like mentors to you and you're not always going to them to talk about your problems you begin to look like you are proud but do you know the truth the people people love the most are people that don't have problems so when i got to that point i stopped sharing problems with my mentors and pastors i started sharing testimonies but pastor i still have a problem let me tell you how you solve your problem take it to god if god wants you to ask a man he will order your steps when you get to them you will ask them questions they think they are writing exams because you will talk about your problem you will talk about a case study since i you've been in ministry now for over 30 years and you're successful at it you say yes so how did you escape you know the idea of wealth okay how did you deal with you know you started very young before you got married so how did you deal with you know attraction from the opposite sex when you presented that way you think you're looking for an answer for fellow young ministers not i don't even know i just want to give up say whatever i do i can't just help myself every time i see her my body is on fire you have lost your next ministry opportunity no promotion for you you keep going to cry in the kitchenette in the office when it's time for promotions i don't think for me can handle it she's not emotionally strong enough because you go to men over matters that you should go to god every time you discuss your pause with another person listen every time you discuss your spouse with another person you are reducing the person's respect and the two has become one you know what that means you may think they are citing you against your spouse but the two of you are dropping points so go to god now i'm not saying keep your problem to yourself god will lead you see a lot of us the answer you are looking for is in their book and sometimes it's more convenient for all of us for you to read the book make the change and move on with your life that to go to the office and start crying the answer is in the book the assignment is the video some of us the answer is on youtube amen and god will order your steps to where the answer is so that at the end of solving your problems people don't really call you so i stopped discussing problems as a matter of fact some of the people you are asking they don't even understand the problem sometimes when you discuss your problem everybody is overwhelmed together do not become an addition to their question of why is god not faithful hallelujah but when you take it to god himself god will give you an answer he will show you in the minimum it will comfort you even when you are not clear you will have comfort sometimes before clarity peace as you are in the process so cast your care tell god about it amen because god cares about you and finally in this first session how do you deal with a difficult marriage practice the 101 principle or at the 101 percent principle i learned this from john c maxwell and this is what he said he said find the one percent over which you both agree and are excited and give it 100 attention okay that's the the 101 percent okay law you see there's no there's nobody that is totally bad if you're married here you need to understand if the person was completely bad you are not that stupid to have married the person in the first place the person is good amen let every married person's hair say i'm good come and say it again i am good say it again there is a lot of good about me they say there are so many good things about me it's the truth and if you're not careful in your marriage if you're always talking about your challenges you're always talking about your difficulties if you're not careful the two of you will be looking at what is bad about the two of you you now wonder why your husband likes to talk to the secretary because the secretary in a b to secure salary every month say okay good morning i like your shoes the same shoe i got good money i like your tie i got good money i like your pain it's all my only respect only respect listen he is not going to sleep with her nothing because a lot of times you guys are watching hollywood too much he's not see listen listen difficult marriage is not a function of the guy sleeping outside the moment his attention is not primarily on you there's problem a lot of people don't understand once your spouse is not happy the house is not happy marriage is so spiritual that you can be hundred and ten percent right if your spouse is not happy you will not be happy you know god said to men say be careful the way you treat your wife so because the moment you don't treat your wife according to knowledge i won't answer your prayer you know what that means she's the one that is wrong i'm the one i'm the offended person well yeah the bible is saying you have to be sensitive the moment you treat are wrongly your prayers no answer so fellowship zero worship zero food zero business progress zero why because you simply say if only you can see the way funke does it amen are you just the girl is just no no that battery corrects can come out so it's not a matter of the girl is just beautiful if you can just be as dutiful as you were just this freedom of expression you have uh it will surround you out of town one of these days be sensitive so practice the 101 percent principle ah you can cook if that's your wife your wife and if your wife is a slave queen the same thing baby you look beautiful is there's anything i like to do with you it's just to show up in public but i wish i could cook better you who cooking help bon dating will buy food to buy lawn to buy dinner let's just show up and pepper them together did you say your powder is running out take money buy more powder if your own is a prayer warrior the same thing supply prayer points say baby can you let's i want you to pray over this matter just begin to supply what prayer points my my wife likes teaching the bible too much i arrange for people to come and attend you understand what i'm saying prince poster for her arrange instruments baby i'm behind you do the work of god look for that listen when people are appreciated genuinely they turn around like david and say who else is in the family of jonathan i'm telling you the truth of my husband do you want anything i've been thinking you know what in fact i've been getting some recipes to be praying in this house i want to start cooking for you that's the way it works it's not by talking about problems it's by talking about what is working that makes people ignore what is working and say let's fix some other things i'm telling you the truth sometimes when you ignore it and you stop talking about it between the person and god over time they will resolve it listen you think i can't live without it there is nothing you cannot live without there is nothing you cannot live without hallelujah nothing you cannot live without the law of focus says that whatever you focus on amplifies you understand that so if your wife is tall focus on it the wife speaks gently i met one pastor's wife like that years ago very gentle now you would have thought this one is very gentle taught members would just be talking to her anyhow no they loved her because everybody said because she's gentle amen and there's the pastor's wife that is on fire you give one she gives you five as this one she will scatter thought no she will protect you from the attack of the evil one it depends on how you look at it say it one more time there's something good about me come and say it again i am full of goodness and you know it's the truth about each and every one of us the good things about you they far outweigh the challenges by the way god left the challenges for humility that's the major reason okay god left those challenges those weaknesses god left them so that you can be humble god uses your weakness to create a need for other people in your life full stop and some of us in marriage we are fighting our advantage because the day your husband becomes that perfect person he will not need you anymore but every time they know luke there is my weakness they are humble i'm telling you some of the most intelligent men they don't know how to put one plate beside the other i'm telling you i told my wife one time i said look no matter what happens here i can preach i can lead i can strategize but without you this house is upside down we have chocolate breakfast and i'm telling you it's not what can happen is what happens one time she traveled i put guard inside the bottle for my daughter yes i just i'm telling you see when you are strong in an area you need to understand that strength will create a need for other people in other areas of your life my wife can come back from 15 hours of flight and go to the kitchen and cook for 14 people and then come to church and preach for two hours [Music] amen the only challenge is after that service she becomes single yeah we still go home together but there's a way she doesn't look don't just and sometimes i'll just sit there some sunday evenings at times i'm just sitting there some monday mornings i'm just wondering why did i encourage her to do ministry self but then sometimes people begin to call pastor disappoint and she steps up in ways i can never imagine to step up people will call 2 am my wife my wife is in labor when my own wife i called my pastor i said don't call me i don't know what to say we are scared together i'm telling you the truth i remember let me tell you this story think about this and a lot of times it's not so much about the consequence or the outcome it's about the process where i hope we're newly married maybe less than one year and then my pastor's wife called i said this person's husband they said the man slumped and i need you to go now i can drive yeah so we drove and then we got there luth and they said where's the man where's the man the man was inside the ambulance unconscious [Music] this gentle pastor's wife got into the ambulance and started giving cpr and i was just there and she was talking and who is there and all of these things were coming out and i'm like i thought i married a chick cut the long story short by the time we moved the man to another hospital i felt compelled with all that this girl has done you should pray and raise the dead so i told everybody to move out i prayed i was dealing one day after some time i looked at the body this guy get up now this is the only thing i can do today that will make sense get up he didn't listen to me that was the only that was the beginning yeah i was a preacher i could organize and all that but i was i'm grateful to god i married a pastor at heart god told me that my date with raising the dead is still in the future so he didn't get up i won't give up to but throughout the process the funeral everything she was there every step of the way this woman was somebody that we had no personal relationship with before that day left to me i'm a very private person from my person let's go and i will go to the house we'll sit with her we would encourage the daily woman called us nobody was there she said we've been married for over five years no issue so i just found out i'm pregnant she couldn't have told me but thank god she was with me you can walk away thinking man this guy is so lucky and i'm telling every married person here you are lucky if only you will look at the good side and you will fixate on the good side you know what i found out after over 13 years some of the things that got on my nerves in the early years of marriage are non-issues anymore she has changed but much more than that i have changed some of those things are not necessary anymore i'm telling you but if you focus on the negative it will be tomorrow's it will be challenging for both of you philippians chapter 4 and verse 8 and i'm out of your face and now dear brothers and sisters one final thing fix your thoughts on what is true and honorable and right and pure and lovely and admirable think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise the least you can do is to choose your thoughts as far as your relationship is concerned when you are single do it for yourself fix the kind of thoughts you want to sing think about yourself stop telling yourself i'm not fine there's nothing like that way back the fuji musician told us monkey no fine but in my mind like that's why your mother will never tell you you're ugly as a matter of fact i have never seen an ugly baby before every baby is beautiful until we start talking to them have you noticed they are confident until we start talking to them they are excited they trust until we start talking to them so you need to stop hearing what people are saying and you've got to start telling yourself the word of god concerning you you are good the bible says he that finds a wife finds a good thing the bible says that what houses and wealth you can inherit from parents but a prudent wife is of the law so if you are of the lord prudence is in there somewhere say to yourself i am prudent okay i am industrious all right i'm resourceful i can marry anybody and make him a rich man start saying that to yourself and you will attract the right man but this one you're like it's the truth or the guys that are looking for the finished ones let me tell you the truth now i love you i'm your friend everybody everybody is raw material everybody gets the raw material there's nobody with a finished product god gives people raw material what happens 14 years 15 years 20 years down the line is what you do with your raw material pastor prove it to me from scripture genesis chapter 1 and verse 28 the bible said and god blessed them and said to them be fruitful multiply subdued yet after he said all of that they were still naked come on jeans he didn't give them no house no furniture amen say it one more time i'm blessed every time you say i'm blessed think about adam and eve in the jungle with animals no menu okay no recipe no signs that is the god yourself his glory is to conceal a matter your honor is to set it out so you've got to realize there's treasure within you there's treasure all around you a lot of single people what you need to pray about is father open my eyes okay open my eyes some of the people you are calling let me give you this one two people were in my office not long ago a lady and a guy and then the lady was saying it that um she had issues with the guy that she was dating and for now they are just you know so i turned to the other guy in my office says are you not interested then the ladies are no no we are just brothers and sisters so i asked the lady if she has ever been to where the guy grew up from she said no have you been to his village before no as a guy he's not your sister because some of us are single and we have refused to make because we are familiar we grew up together who would you marry except somebody you know very well if we go to church we're just brothers and sisters i've been telling people severally and i'm going to say it again it's not your brother it's not your sister if he does not answer your father's name did not grow up inside the house with you amen say to yourself now father open my eyes say it again father open my eyes i'm grateful that mask does not cover ice oh yeah look around her god bless you praise the lord come on somebody celebrate jesus in this place come and put your hands together and celebrate jesus hallelujah how many anybody who is excited in this place let me see you up on your feet as we give jesus praise come on come on come on [Music] hallelujah can we give jesus praise in this room this morning this evening sorry somebody put your hands together on scream [Music] hallelujah [Music] my feet my whole body [Music] hallelujah [Music] [Music] hallelujah [Music] jesus hallelujah on now oh my god [Music] hallelujah [Applause] [Music] foreign [Music] everything that is [Music] my hands oh that i am come on now do not let the mask hinter you sing my hands my feet my whole body sing all that i am i will sing hallelujah can we do this together one more time who keeps blessing you jesus come on now jesus jesus jesus christ [Music] yay one more time one more time [Applause] [Music] i [Music] hey [Music] when i think about your kindness come on [Music] somebody put your hands together and give jesus praise come on don't stop clapping put your hands together to the god who is faithful to the god who never failed to the god who would not leave you where you came from put your hands together [Music] you are who you are yesterday today and forevermore what you say is what you do you'll never fail you'll never change you are faithful to faithful god i wish [Music] you're too faithful to disappoint me [Music] hallelujah [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] is one more time can we do it today you are who you are [Music] [Music] oh [Music] [Music] over and over now you lift it up one more time oh [Music] jesus [Music] [Applause] [Music] and i've come to testify you're too faithful to [Music] [Music] me [Music] [Music] [Music] foreign [Music] [Music] oh [Music] situations [Music] the oh everything else revolves around [Music] everything else revolves around you you are all that matter doesn't matter what i'm going through doesn't matter what i'm saying now yeah you and i'll make room for you just you and i'm jesus i don't know about you but here's all the matter everything else comes in place when it steps in i'll make room for two just you and i jesus can you declare it you are all that matters [Music] yes jesus [Music] [Music] hallelujah [Music] i don't know what you're singing till tonight if it's your fault he because you lean on him you know you make your butt capsid there is no stone that you go through nice lift your hands lift your heart [Music] oh you are the best lover any man can experience thank you for always speaking me home thank you for giving my life a new meaning you always father we give you praise thank you for your strong presence in this place thank you for your hand upon us thank you for an encounter that is going to our relationships shift our lives shift our families and together this evening but say you are all that matters thank you because if you brought us this far you're taking us all the way and as you take us all the way your scripture and your promises over us cannot be broken so we know that you are for in jesus name we're prayed for in jesus name we're praying for in jesus name we're brave can i hear a bigger amen in the house hallelujah come and put those ends together for the king of kings for the lord of lords the alpha and omega the beginning and the end the best king and the best lover ever as in seriously put these ants together put these hands together [Applause] wait wait wait i know i'm on the timer but the truth is we're here to learn together right but most importantly i believe we're here to connect and how many of you believe that you're not and those online too you are not going to after this meeting remain the same how many of you are looking forward to a divine encounter how many of you know that the expectation of the righteous shall not be cut short and then something came to my heart right now somebody said righteous i'm not sure i'm righteous but he says your righteousness has filled the rags hallelujah so righteousness is not what you do is you understand is gifted to you by god so god already made up his mind and ordained that by the virtue of this meeting your life would never remain the same again hallelujah so i need you to put your ends together and show excitement like people that are about to have a great encounter a wonderful time in god's presence hallelujah praise god hallelujah all right please go ahead and have your seat after my session we're gonna have um questions and answers media team i'm sure you have the um the link for the q and a please put it up so pascheck already spoke how many of you have blessed come on i appreciate him man how many of you are blessed all right so i'm sure you already have questions you already have things that you're trying to you know so please start putting the questions together so ahead of time saying he is anonymous so the link will know so ask anything you want to ask do you understand if you say pastor i'm not sure you were telling the truth or what else do you want to say just just ask go ahead and ask and then from the things i talk about you you can ask so that's going to be the first question and answer um session and then you know we'll now take it up from there are we ready to go are we ready to go media i think you need to look at your timer and adjust amen all right so this evening i want to talk about the power of together the power of together can you say that with me ah no no we are the single style mouth people can i can you just wave your hand singles in the house okay but married people i remember that night where you were here dancing and do you understand that romantic night you understand there were a lot of sparks in fact some singles are nodding there were a lot of sparks you know in the air we we have action now right we have actually that's our calling names do we have action so why are we not responding why are we not responding can we say the power of together together you see the power of together together amen can we say the power of together can i hear you louder louder remember we are saying the power of together so i need you to say it but first and you say with conviction can i hear you say the power of together ecclesiastes chapter 4 verse 9 to 12 i would read from the new living translation it says two people are better off than one for they can help each other succeed if one person falls the other can reach out and help but someone who falls alone is in real trouble likewise two people lying close together can keep each other warm but how can one be one alone a person standing alone can be attacked and defeated but two people stand back to back and conquer three are even better for a triple braided card is not easily broken i can stay there three are even better yes two people can stand back through back conquering no matter what the attack is no matter what the sense of defeat is they can stand back to back and keep fighting and keep winning and keep raising things up and keep building things up but he said the bible says even though that is fantastic but three are even better for a triple braided cord is not easily broken father speak to our hearts speak to our hearts inspire us teach us let your word liberate and shift us in the name of jesus that is help us to be better as well look at ourselves in the mirror of your word let's be able to get light let up the light in the name of jesus let it be understanding in the name of jesus let us be able to receive strength to make our adjustments and help us to be able to shift our relationships our marriages our connections to a better place in you in jesus name amen the power of together the power together the first thing i'm gonna say to you this evening is agreement is one of the greatest forces on earth i want you to think deeply agreement is one of the greatest forces on earth would you ask me why would you ask me why this is how you partner with god to bring out the best in anyone you relate with agreement and i'm going to you know redefine agreement to you today i believe that you know god said in i'm sorry the bible says in the beginning god created heaven and earth you understand and then down down down down god says it created man just a male and female he created them so if god is the creator do you understand he knows the reason why he created amen right he knows the configuration configuration of every creation that he has right he knows the function right he knows whatever the limitation is do you understand the full function so god knows you more than any other person ever can do you agree if you agree just say yes if you don't agree you can go ahead and say no amen i can pass the mic to you and then you can support me to finish up the message do we have a deal do we have a deal all right so to the degree to which you are aligned to the will of god and the plan of god is the degree to which you function best right so most of the time before you use a gadget you would always you know check the manga and for those that are always very good with um streets that street smart that just feel uh uh we have been having blenders i've been using blender for the past 20 years do you understand what's all those old phillips no phillips is still a bits you know some old blenders that we have then some of them do you understand it's still the same whether it's been a tone somebody say yeah i have some old people in the house hey whether it's benaton or toshiba she understands all right now i'm using kenwood ah blender is what blender is what but how many of you especially microwave you stand in front of the bottom bottoms there's one microwave i had like that the day that microwave packed up my husband said thank you jesus ah this microwave is so complex me where was my mother that brought the microwave for me so i said we will use it junk because at since you don't know what to press my nanny we say when i say warm my name is auntie don't worry i've brought it out it will become soft i won't miss reports because she doesn't want to stress herself to stop pressing do you understand to maximize a lot of product you need to be able to go through the manual to be able to know how best to use it right she understands so even if you try emotional intelligence you try to you know what the best way when you get to a a point where you are stuck most of the time you have to revisit the manner that's why a lot of time for the gadgets even if i read through the mind i'd like to keep them somewhere so that in case there's a function that i want to get out of it amen and the truth is as individuals as men as women we are living every day as man and wife we are connecting every day and we are not so particular about the manual of god or the heart of god it is subconscious but that is how a lot of people are living and that is why we have a lot of challenge today amen so as a mother when i deal with my children i need to keep checking the agenda of god i need to keep checking the configuration of god i need to keep checking the heart of god and align with it and be in agreement with it and make sure that the things that i say the things that i do decisions that i make how i configure things is aligned with god do you understand and the degree to which i do that i bring out the best to understand in the other person in my child that i'm relating with when i get married and my husband and my wife with my boss do you understand so a lot of times you are different i am different but we are all created by god walking with me i'm going somewhere she understand but inasmuch as we are different god created us he created purpose and placed us on planet earth hallelujah and the degree to which we can walk with each other is the degree to which you can bring out the best in one another amen and what he disagreement is one of the most powerful force on the earth remember the tower of babel even god said god had a different agenda and god looked down and saw how much they were in agreement do you understand and god said the way they are so much in agreement there is nothing they have proposed in their hearts that they will not be able to do so i have to go down god as you understand and scatter their agreement i need you to say to yourself agreement is one of the greatest forces on earth and the area where we we realize it the better and everybody has something to offer everybody has something that the creator has placed inside of you everybody has a manual everybody has a function everybody has a manner everybody has to understand an agenda give it to god and a lot of times you are not created to function alone male and female he created them and he said what be fruitful multiply grow replenish who was he talking to mankind together so what was god doing when he was giving that commission what did it mean you are going to walk together a man will leave his father and his mother to understand and cleave to his wife and they will become one after that there are one flesh do you understand i like the way matthew 19 puts it what god has joined together let no man what let no man what let no man what put us on that so the degree to which i see god in you i understand god's function in you is the degree to which i can bring out the best in you do you understand as i see god's function in you it is easier for me to be able to connect with you it is easier for me to be able to agree it does not mean that i'm the same with you it doesn't mean i'm 100 the same with you but it means i recognize your uniqueness i recognize what you have to offer i recognize what god has placed on your insider and i'm particular about bringing out that best do you understand and the other person is particular about bringing out the best in me the degree to which will do that there is a force created on earth hallelujah walk with me and if you realize something god created adam and eve after that time who have you seen god created think about it as a physically on earth calm down and mode again everything that has been buffered after the first man and the first woman has come through the union of another man and another woman hallelujah even when the messiah was about to be brother what did jesus what did god do what did god do the power of the messiah what came upon what a woman and he put it in the context of what a family when joseph was going to walk away what did god do he showed up in his dream why because that togetherness do you understand and he said to yourself family is powerful and he says to yourself agreement is powerful remember i'm talking about the power of together but in as much as is one of the greatest forces on earth inasmuch as god at every point in time recognizes the family unit and everything about on planet earth every so if you see any invention it comes from what a man do you understand it comes from a woman how does the man and the woman come to be being birthed by another man and a woman amen i don't want to go into something but no matter what it is there is a sperm just there is an egg amen it comes together and informs what a child you understand so i need you to say to yourself i am powerful god has placed creative abilities in me so i relate with others so that i can create powerful things so that i can multiply the impact and the influence of god on planet earth do you understand do you understand but in as much as agreement is a great force agreement is not easy yeah is it who has fought today as my husband and i just look straight i'm not talking i'm not talking about you but you can't answer you can't wink at me any woman you people have argued today oh yeah let's let's open raise your hand i didn't say you shouted do i'm just saying you just didn't agree okay boyfriend and girlfriend judea oh yeah now nobody has faults today okay what has raised your is our voice today you have raised your voice you're a good christian okay there's another lady there do you understand why why do we fight why do we have disagreements why argument is not easy you know why as our faces are like this different that's how different that we are amen amen we all have differences we all have distinctions and we all have limitations there are things you will never understand that's why they say women men will never understand us amen amen but whenever i'm dealing with counselling a man keeps complaining about something you know one thing i keep saying i say you know what you can choose not to marry her because this one that i really sparking like this calm down let's resolve this thing you can disarm tell me pastor do you know what i'm not doing again let's call this thing quits i'm going then the guy will not come down say no but so he's not like that but why because you love her why right and because there's something she brings to the table am i talking to somebody here today amen hallelujah so there is something so as much as you have something to offer that's how different we are that's how distinct we have and that's how we have limitations amen amen so what i need you to know that is that you don't need as and you do you won't need agreement except there's a possibility of contention can i say that again we would not have to emphasize that we need to agree this can to work together except they agree you won't we won't need agreement except there's that tendency for contention why would there be contention because i'm different right because i have limitations right because i'm unique right because there's something distinct that i bring to the table it says two are better off than one for they can help each other succeed hallelujah i came to tell you that anytime any day the planet earth can never be better off without you you are still alive today you are in that marriage today you have that child today you are working that job today why because you have something to offer you have something unique and distinct about you amen and the other person is better off with you do you understand you help others around you succeed better it does not mean that everybody has to be your friend some people are your acquaintances right somebody's your spouse somebody is your business partner but by all means two are always better than one two are always better than one if one falls the other reaches out to help why will i be able to help because there is something you don't have that i can offer you right amen there is something that i have that i don't have that you can offer me amen hallelujah but the degree to which we are different and unique is the degree to which we can contend with one another because there are things that we will not understand amen hallelujah hallelujah but one thing you need to realize is you don't need to be perfect your partner does not need to be perfect and you don't have to have perfect circumstances for you to be in agreement can i run ahead hallelujah and the fact that agreement is not easy does not mean that is less powerful and does not mean that we should give up because things that are good are not always easy amen so the next time it looks to you persecutor talked about dealing with a difficult spouse why is marriage so difficult why marriage is hard work i just like the possibility where i used to put it marriage is hard work the kissing the romance other things for me what else the dates what else side attractions um did you hear that there are side attractions but marriage is hard work but if you do the hard work you would enjoy the fruitfulness of marriage you would have a beautiful marriage the next thing i'm going to say to you is after i say is a great for us is one of the greatest force on earth and when i say that agreement is not easy why is it not easy because agreement is a process and it does not just come automatically we're in a generation where we want everything to be microwaved fast amen but it takes a process i remember a session that you know a counselling session that i had that i had a lot of disagreements with that i was worried at one point the holy spirit told me calm down so i calmed down i sat with them i tried understanding this person's side that person said and you know by the time we finish dealing with some things i think they are one of the best couples i've had to cancel before i believe their marriage is going to cause great things to happen on planet earth do you understand but it took a process we fought we cried i didn't cry with them sure but as i thought you understand we had healing processes we had to discuss two things it took a process but the best came out and you know after the last session the guy kept on chatting me up i'm so grateful that i didn't lose her i'm so grateful that i understand some things right now i'm just so grateful to god this is so beautiful it's so beautiful six months ago it was what a process and the process was not not easy but at the end of the day but the right skills were the right perspective they were able to come to a place of agreement and both of them have been able to see that there is nothing we cannot surmount and this is going to be a beautiful marriage i need you to look at your marriage again i need you to look at your relationship again i need you to look at your connections again and ask yourself am i seeing things right do i see the distinct thing that the other person brings most importantly let's check that do i see what i bring to the table do i cherish it hallelujah am i backing out because it's not easy amen am i taking for granted that i need to fight for my agreement because it's a process hallelujah amen amen to get agreement it requires focus commitments negotiations sacrifices and investment of time and i came to tell you this evening that don't let the fact that your agreement with your spouse or learning to be in agreement with your spouse or working to be in agreement with your spouse is not easy and it's a process make you forget that is one of the greatest forces on earth you know why because when we stand together with bath miracles when we stand together with bath miracles god is waiting to team up with you all he wants you to do is to learn the skills so we're still going to be letting the lord today we're going to be speaking there's going to be lending questions the minister is going to commit to many stats you there are things that are going to be said to you god is going to send words your way god is going to send instructions your way take them walk with them but most importantly know that god is waiting on you that marriage that situation that you feel you are waiting on god god is waiting on you for you to be able to trust the fact that two are better than one but it's not about me alone it's not about my spouse it's about the fact that a threefold court cannot be easily broken so god created him god created me but god helps us weave ourselves together and together we can buff miracles why because the bible says in matthew 18 19 i also tell you this if two of you agree on earth concerning anything you ask my father in heaven will do it for you when we are quoting that scripture we focus on the prayer part we focus on the asked person i believe that jesus was focusing on the agreement part alleluia and god has been waiting on christians god has been waiting on believers to be ready to stand and team up with him and say no matter what the world is offering no matter what the standards that they are dropping no matter the options that is not godly that they are offering us what did god say to us he said be fruitful multiply hallelujah it says he's walking all things together for my good hallelujah it says i before i formed you i knew you i called you whether you fill in the gap whether that prophet to the nations whether to be an accountant whether to be a helper whether to be a professor do you understand i called you to that marriage i called you to that man i called you to be somebody somebody is believing god to get married somebody is believing god to get out of a storm somebody is believing god to push and make the best of 2021 all you have to do is to find your niche trust god and god is ready to team up with you for you to begin to break miracles i say in the name of jesus that the grace of god today will rest upon you like never before in the name of jesus and he was all to rise up on our feet and he was all to rise up on our feet and i just came to purpose to be able to open up our hearts to be able to open up our hearts to the touch of god to the help of god because god is waiting to birth miracles through you god is waiting to break that innovation through you god is waiting to turn that difficult marriage around into a living testimony that will speak to generations to come hallelujah i need to lift your hands this evening and just begin to pray in the name of jesus in the name of jesus i no longer fight the wrong for the wrong reasons i don't fight my spouse rather i stand side by side with him and i fight for the agreement with god i fight for the agenda of god i fight for the heart of god and together we are going to stand to be able to ask god for what exactly he wants on planet earth and eyes have not seen he has have not heard it has not entered into the heart of man what god has in stock for us and what we begin to press into in the name of jesus in the name of jesus and i declare today that as families as we go further in the name of jesus as one of you put a thousands of flights amen the two of you will stand together in the name of jesus and set ten thousand fleeing in jesus name i pray for every man and every woman under my voice that you trust god and listen to the instructions especially the ones he gives you today and you step out and you follow your instructions that god will team up with you and begin to break miracles in the name of jesus either find that a good one finds a good thing and obtains favor from god i declare it's time for favor to find you in the name of jesus i declare it's time for you to press into a new level in the name of jesus i declare that every man and woman represented here as you stand in agreement pushing against every attacker standing back tobacco you will not get tired in the name of jesus because there is a god that is holding you off there is a god that is backing you you do not snap in the name of jesus you don't cave in in the name of jesus you don't bow to pressure in the name of jesus you keep pushing on in the strength of god you keep pushing on in the power of god till miracles are butted in your life every day in the name of jesus your children stand as miracles the businesses you do together stand as miracles the ministry that you do together stand as miracles in the name of jesus i say in the name of jesus that you continue to link to what favor in the name of jesus you are fruitful you must apply the lord establish all that is concerning you the lord establishes covenants and his promises towards you in the name of jesus you would have to move out the harvest of yesterday to be able to create space for the harvest of today and the harvest of tomorrow in the name of jesus after this conference by the time you are mini-stature you're pressed to a new level of fruitfulness a new level of increase and some things might not be easy to the world but it becomes easy for you in the name of jesus some people might give up on some processes but you don't give up on the process that god has set up for you in the name of jesus and as you obey god miracles upon miracles healings upon healings increase upon increase we're getting we celebrate marriages this year in the name of jesus we're getting ready to celebrate children this year in the name of jesus we're getting ready to celebrate innovations this year in the name of jesus eyes have not sinned he has have no heart it has not entered in the heart of man what god has in stock for us and what we're beginning to press into in the name of jesus do you want to put your hands together and celebrate the goodness of god the faithfulness of god come and put those hands together put those hands together father thank you hallowed be your name for in jesus name we are prayed amen [Music] hallelujah all right um let somebody come get the pulpit can you appreciate pasta d one more time amen you may be seated all right so um we are going to take a number of questions right now all right um so pastor kingsley and pastor mildred are on their way um if you've been around town today in lagos you know that um there's this crazy traffic coming from the island i understand that without notifying people they did not open the todd mainland bridge for people to come and people had stayed there waiting until one o'clock um for the todd milan bridge to be open for them to come to the mainland and um it was around one they just notified them they were not going to open it today so it's just some crazy traffic but they're on their way here um so we decided to just take the first segment of the q a um so that when p can pm come they can have their keynote and then take some further questions is that okay so if you have questions specifically from my session and passed this session you can present your questions right now um the link is on the screen it's anonymous nobody knows you are asking the question except if your neighbor sees you typing it so you can just go out we have some fantastic restroom out there you can go to the restroom and type your question especially if the person you are typing about is sitting beside you you just say to yourself i want to go okay no so anybody that goes to the toilet right now is going to type a question um so just going to check the car outside you know or pick a call outside or something just type in your question all right so elsa is going to be presenting questions and the pastor diana will be answering good evening everyone um let's put our hands together one more time for pastor shergon pasta daily okay so we move to the very first question on the sheet and it says please how can you handle a difficult spouse that does that does not talk to you when you have a misunderstanding or quarrel he keeps saying that he doesn't like to talk that was pastor d when we got married she might as well answer the question please how can we start the session like this you see why it's not easy to agree now eh that was me are you sure yeah please do i keep malice no there's no there's no malice here he doesn't like talking so when there's a conflict just keeps quiet like someone i know but it's not better than shouting it's not better than shouting i think pasha you have to answer that i i think okay okay let me get serious but um well different and for me i think okay it started this way so that um i can be very vested i know everybody is vested in relationships but i can very vested in a good way i i can like but when i connect like i connect you understand so i try to be careful so that when when i'm hurt i try to be careful what i say how i deal with this stage because i don't want to be misunderstood so i'm sensitive so you can say things to have hurts me you can misunderstand me so i don't want to do the same do you understand so i want to believe that this your spouse is likely to be like that am i you have to encourage me if not i will not talk you know so what i realize is most of the time i'm trying to process because the next thing i'll start crying although this is a guy happy so i don't but me for me i'll start crying and when i as he just messes up everything because he will not start begging me quick quick you understand or if he does not beg he's just met he's just wondering what is happening here so i started learning to process you know and then i hardly shouts but at times i i do very rare times but once i begin to shout ah if i'm shouting i'm not upset or it has got into another you know extreme so i believe what you can do is give the person yes a bit of the space right and then without being too invasive i don't know how you can do that ask again because that was how we actually went through that face patience would always come and still say but you are quiet but you are not i would say i'm fine but you're not fine because this is not how you are you know on a typical you understand and then he will take his time and ask questions and then i'm able to explain this is what you know i don't like this is what i don't like and then why i don't talk is when i keep trying to explain to you keep misunderstanding and taking for granted some things that i'm passionate about so you say i'm not talking but the little i try to say you don't even give me the space to say it to finish saying first then when i say you try to explain how many people have those kind of stuff don't raise your hand okay some people raise their hand alright you try to explain what you think i'm not saying you're not time so he said on me to be misunderstood what do i do i keep quiet so i think that is it and then when you are able to now walk through that difference at that point so another thing is when we're good at a really really plane then patients now tells me that silence treatment is not good so if i leave you for two years we will not talk do you understand and he really hits home at that point and then i'm you know and then we're able to talk through things and then it gets better i don't know if i've been able to help but okay um yeah club club club but i talk now in fact a lot of times i initiate conversations now okay so you see so what i like about this is how that she um described the problem and solved it even though that was the last thing she said and it is the fact that when you give people time they grow when you give people time they change all right like she said agreement is a process it is not easy i want all married people to understand something it takes a lot of time okay agreement marriage is work it's not just about fun one of the reasons i believe that god created sex is that it is supposed to be the interlude amen you know i like how that the day can be crazy we don't understand each other but whatever happens we can press b you know so yeah as i was saying so i mean it's a lot of work you have to be patient okay you have to be patient i've waited for 13 years now she talks now i can say you know it's one thing for you to tell somebody let's talk about the situation and then she's just quiet he's just looking at you for a talker for a person that processes thoughts and ideas it can be very frustrating but you know what i found out it is because of the way you feel when we talk about it that part of you that is not talking is also not i mean it's not comfortable for us the people that talk when these people are not talking but you have to be patient now for the person that has asked this question now you are now talking about a man it's a different ballgame entirely women talk and as they talk they are processing and that's why it has been said that when a woman comes to you with a problem just allow her to keep talking she will describe the problem and then she will describe the solution by herself but men we think first before we talk so when a man is quiet sometimes it is because he is still thinking about it and the average lady is more intelligent than her husband even from scripture i've begun a nibble i mean abigail and nibble the average woman is more intelligent honestly when a man is still thinking the woman has words it's just that sometimes what she says is not the solution but she's on the way to the solution but you guys have words and then you speak men then we think first then they will talk then they will think again then they will talk now if what he's about to say is something that has gotten him into trouble before he will keep quiet if what we are about to talk about is something he does not have an answer to i mean like for example if your husband has not paid school fees now it's the end of january there's nothing to say so my husband let's discuss this a schoolfist issue what do you want him to say just discuss men like to discuss solutions i'm just trying to help women understand because that you fight it does not mean we are going to change when there is nothing to say men don't like talking especially when it affects his ego so like this confused matter now what he wants to say is don't worry about tuesday i will pay but he has called his friends he has called his depth to us i mean what do you call them you understand he has checked all these trousers money is not coming from anywhere if he's a christian man he probably is talking to god about it if he's not a christian man he's drinking about it but he does not and that's why you see men when you see men hang out and they're talking go and check it it's always something unimportant the real problems we don't like to talk about it if there is no solution so we'll get on the courier and begin to talk about nigeria it's because we know there's nothing we can do about it the people that you know we talk football with the case nothing we can do about the results so we discuss about non-consequential things this is what i'm trying to say lady if you want your husband to be talking with you talk about things that are not important that's what we talk about men politics they just talk about things that are not important and we just that's why you see a guy can look at another guy and he's broke he does not have money but he will not feel broke because we are not talking about it he may not have a job for six months and we are not going to talk now the truth is i know my friend does not have a job talking about it how does that solve any problem guy what's up now what's happening in your area can i imagine if nothing exactly to freak wicked government you know talk about it so ladies need to understand a lot of times men don't talk when they don't have solutions if this husband of yours so this guy now happens to not be a naturally quiet person multiply it by five that is why i would advise ladies have friends okay have other people that you talk to don't build your world around your spouse it's a burden if the person is very quiet and withdrawn okay and that was what i did before she started talking i learned to play by myself when i was 30 um the guys in church bought me ps2 then and they delivered me because then i would just play my soccer and as you just be quiet and when she's ready to talk then she starts talking so i started you know playing by myself it was a bit painful in the beginning but then i found out how that uh playing you by yourself can be found then i would play with friends between him and being jealous i have to say well that this guy is having fun then when the children joined him he became worse because like i'm carrying the weight of the world and they're having fun all by themselves it will make me cry more in the room like ah see me i'm so free where's my father where's my mother and you know they will play i would hear them laughing he i feel at times they laugh at that to spite me we're just having fun so you see why i had to learn to come out of my show sorry i just had to let you know that over time people change let me tell you the miracle of marriage at least i can say that after 13 years after some time the two of you will be lost in each other she's no longer quiet i'm no longer talkative i mean something happened just um yesterday morning thursday stroke friday it was a total reversal of rules as in my wife looked me in the face i mean he tossed the evening and said i said um i'm missing you because i've just been very tired and muslim i just get home and i would sleep and then and then friday morning it was going to be a busy day for her but she fixed the date with me when we get back from work today we need to spend time with each other paul pastor what's your word spend time with each other spend time with each other and and and in the course of my day i was practicing what we've been telling women conserve energy um don't stress yourself too much and let me tell you the truth i closed early from work i got home and there was this cereal i've been watching that i knew i would have watched in the evening i watched it in the afternoon so that when she comes in the evening i will not have any excuse you know by the time she came i was just there and i was conscious of you need to hold conversation and i'm like seriously i used to be this person okay now she's the one that now understands look if you want it ask for it go for it we've rubbed off on each other now i greet total strangers can you imagine i greet total strangers i learned it from my wife my wife says if you are walking on the street with somebody and the person greet somebody you must greet the person is it not true when i when we got married i felt look you are the one that knows the person i don't know the person i know your people she will now kneel my wife will knee down with two legs that may have been prostrating for people you know i'll be frustrated for people i've never met before i mean but guess what no but is it not true no that's what if unconscious is my uncle that's not the issue now what we are saying now is your my own could have known you i agree total strangers now let's appreciate pk and pm as they arrive [Applause] you're welcome you're welcome you're welcome sir you're welcome man please have your seat i know what they have been through so we are going to give them time to rest amen yes so we take just one more question um so that pick and pm can rest then after that islam will do a song and then we will um go into the world is that okay just one more question and let's go okay um can we help a single here he or she says how do you make your fiance communicate more to you even if you are far from each other because he could go for days sometimes before calling okay all right quickly quickly men are hunters men are hunters this guy probably is dealing with this mindset of i have conquered you know i want to get to and that's why i tell singles all the time stop clamoring for yes and build friendship because for a lot of people i've asked her out she said yes the question is then after that what happens next so you have to learn to jesus you have to learn to talk so this kind of guy perhaps in his mind he has conquered the lady needs to let him understand you don't have a permanent spot okay that was how personally treated me till our wedding you understand because my challenge is how do you make a guy communicate with you more that goes without days it is because he feels i have her and you feel you have the responsibility to make him communicate with you so like i said at the beginning the first thing is your perspective so how you are pushing for that connection is already wrong so when a guy knows it is not a given i can lose her i don't have her permanently you know what we should say when we're on campus is um until you guys exchange vows at the altar and anything can happen i tell guys that all the time until they get married ask her there's nothing like um dibs i've no they may come across as they are going out ask her first you may not know maybe he's not talking to her so when this lady i mean when this guy understands i don't have you okay um i can lose you because i'm not treating you right he probably will wake up the second thing i would say is perhaps you may also need to understand his personality and his style some people honestly are very quiet okay so until you let him know we have to talk you have to communicate you may start him off you know in a very legal way okay you have to call me every day you know if you don't call me every day something will go wrong we need to chat okay send me sms all right some people don't know if after you have communicated about it one month two months later it still is like this maybe this is who he is and you would now have to ask yourself can i live with this if the answer is no then you know what to do all right slim let's have a song and then carry on with the program [Music] forgot to love the world [Music] [Music] [Music] it's amazing [Music] he saves the day he will come through he won't fail this is do no greater love makes my heart beat [Music] all i wanna do is [Music] every one of my secrets that you get [Music] your patience with me god will never leave don't ever live happy to see [Music] there's not much superheroes do no greater love makes my heart beat all i wanna do love nobody is you i don't wanna love nobody but you i don't wanna love nobody i'm nobody with you i don't wanna love nobody but you i don't wanna love nobody but you i don't wanna [Music] will be [Music] [Music] he saves the day he won't come down he won't fail that's not what superheroes do no greater love makes my heart beat all [Music] [Music] i don't wanna love nobody but you i don't wanna let nobody [Music] forever forever nothing in this world will make me work no matter what a life may bring i'll be by your side no matter what you face you won't be lonely this is my promise to you my love is everlasting you can count on me to be here always for [Music] forever forever it's a long [Music] you know that i [Music] [Music] you need to know that i will [Music] [Applause] see i'm committed to you i am [Applause] forever [Music] [Applause] forever and ever [Music] [Applause] [Music] that's how long i love you that's how long i'll love you forever for every long time that's how long i love you that's how long god love you forever [Music] check one two all right hallelujah yeah this is i don't know about you but this is the moment that i have been waiting for all right a couple of years ago a couple of years ago very long time ago um i was in this training program just trying to give you a background story here i was at this training program for pastors and then i saw pika sitting in one corner all by himself you know so i went you know to him if you've been in that situation before you don't know what's going to happen he's either he accepts you know he greets you or you know you know there are some men of god they may be in the spirit at that time and they don't want to talk to common motives you know you know and then i approached him and and it was very welcoming very accommodating and we talked that day then after that i decided to go see him in his office and that we talked it was very welcoming and i was learning one or two things here and there until i don't know what prompted me i asked him a question about marriage you know what and that's what's going to happen tonight i'm just warning you you know when somebody answers a question of your life and it's obvious it's not like this person is thinking about you know the kind of answers that somebody else will need seven days of fasting and prayer on the mountain a mountain in understatement not on your state mountain undo mountains you know and he just said it and i remember i got him that day and i practiced what i can't say it now you understand not because he's here because she's here because i'm still using it and i'm seeing still working for me it was as if i went to herbalist that day and the person gave me something you know and then i started using it and it has been working for me and i'm not the only person i'm not the only person is graced in that regard um and that's picky when you now meet his wife see some people listen some people meet one another boy meet girl some other people is arranging from heaven and when the god when god says yeah sleep wake up see your wife you understand what i'm saying you don't have a say in the matter the two of them are also put together they just so fit one another personally already perhaps the most down-to-earth person i have met in my life what you see is what you get and she so loves people passionate let me tell you the truth i love going to their church because when i go i feel like a christian you know i don't feel like a pastor you know you know they're just christians and we followed them for quite a long time i'm following you thank you for who you are thank you for what you do and what you continue i mean i don't know if they've done this before but it's going to be a tag team experience okay pk and pm at hill city for the second time of many times to come hallelujah let's rise up on our feet and let's make welcome from david's christian center pastors kingsley and mildred okonkwo [Music] hallelujah i have no clue what your pastor was talking about exactly totally no clue i can't remember that day or what happened but i'm glad to be at hill city tonight with my beautiful wife hallelujah praise god you want to say something praise god of course you guys know hill city's home so no too much talk we love no we adore your pastors adore um i mean he's his heart his heart is just beautiful and then they really you can't but love her you know why someone you know abby oh okay so that's it i thought it was me she used to do it too you know somebody's they're born in your truth that this love you must collect it yes so she's sending prayers she's sending love she's sending messages she's checking on you she'll tell you rest and sometimes i'm like and then you she'll now she will not come in my mom like how do you mama your mama she will tell me to rest i'm like you take your advice so i mean they are family to us it's not just a church church relationship they're absolutely family to us and of course it's an honor to share this stage with the great in authority or relationship so it's from this soap is cutting from me that i'm using to to bath john astan so you can't bath more than the best in that costume for you praise god help us appreciate your pastors please help us appreciate them thank you please take your seat [Music] praise god okay we're just gonna flow um you know it's a bit official i had a lot of things that pastor shared yeah i shared a lot of things i want to share so it's fine let's just share grace and go i'm telling you by the way i love your music hallelujah at this you'll remember so you hired these people they are here well done guys i thought about missionaries i just hired them for this program so these people enjoy worship every sunday please appreciate them better than that i'm better than that well done hold on hallelujah and i think i'm committed to you forever for me i was more angry why would they put chair between us they're going to sing that kind of song forever and ever all right so building long lasting relationships relationships can be both simple and hard at the same time i don't like to use the word hard i think a better way to say it is that it can be demanding and every blessing god brings into our lives always demands some responsibility always does that so if you are ready for responsibility really marriage is not supposed to be hard so it's normal if if god gives you admission into university it means you have the responsibility of studying to pass you know you either not take the admission you know and stay at home but if you're going to take the admission they must be ready to study every blessing bring comes to themselves if you don't have a car then you just hop uber or bike or whatever then you don't care you don't know a mechanic you don't know where they buy fuel or if they increase price or fire that's not really your business but when you own a car then you start to know the price of sight that's when you see why people are angry when somebody wants to hit their side mirror because you know the price you see people come down with their suit and share that fight oversight mirror my own side mirror it's it's over a thousand usd one if you jam it we are going to world war i will call up my family members we are going to fight finish that fight so so if you don't own a car for instance i know your concern so i'm just trying to say that every blessing has a responsibility attached and if you're ready for it marriage is not there's nothing god does that is hard you know he has already made provision for any challenge you can face he knows us he knows our frame he knows that we are limited sometimes as human beings but the structure has been created to help us hallelujah so i want to share quickly on so a few things like i said i heard pastor sharing a lot of them but we're going to share them again hallelujah because we are the guests so i'm going to share them again so let her start okay so um taking off from what you were talking about you know i think that um a lot of times people mistake when god gives you a blessing to think that there will be nothing attached to it he says my yoke is easy and my burden is light it's this a burden but it will be light so that's how marriage is when god gives you that blessing there's the responsibility of taking care of it you will service it it's like cars oh my gosh you can't service it you go porter do you understand if it's those kind of car you'll be warming you know this kind of car that you will warm it down like three days before you go out but you must work okay and i think sometimes what some of the challenges of people struggling in marriage is the foundation um the foundation of your marriage will affect or the foundation of your relationship um i'll take from the last question i was asked um about the guy that is now reaching out or something something and i'll just stand in pastor can i say these kind of questions they're kind of hard to solve because there's a foundational problem you know so for us for instance um we were friends friendship has always been a major thing for both of us and it still is you know we're friends from the very beginning so if he wasn't calling me it's not hey there's a guy somewhere he's not calling me how do i make a call he said guy you never call me for two days when they do you and you say i'm busy i'll say i don't call you now i say you know what call me knights you don't want to do again you don't understand we're friends i'm not afraid to talk to him so sometimes when women even call me and say oh my husband is doing this should i tell him should i not i'm like i'm having this conversation this conversation is a conversation you have with him he's your friend why are you afraid to talk to him why are you afraid to ask him questions why are you afraid to ask him for money mom might not give me chocolate nobody wants do you understand you need to get to the point where that you know that friendship is there so i think the foundation of your relationship or your marriage is what's going to affect the whole marriage foundation also could also mean your family background if you're coming from a family where there are already struggles of divorce one of two things will happen if you're from a family where there was a bad marriage you either make up your mind never to repeat that again or it becomes your normal because how you were brought up is your normal so for some people they don't even brush their teeth daily some people brush their ears morning and nights from instance my children that's their normal so they won't understand if someone else is in the family where they are shouting everybody is a shelter you now meet a family where they whisper they can't understand why why you why are you so upset i'm not upset i'm not even shouting if i shout if i shout here and the girl is like why is he so upset though why he's not shouting no even me i know he's not shouting and sees you that your volume is low do you understand so it comes from your family your family has a great way of influencing you the foundation of which you've been brought up usually affects my identity who have problems in my first thing we ask them what's your parents marriage like what you see all the time you either reproduce or you will try to repel it you will try to say oh i will make sure this does not happen again but that foundation is already wrong and you continue to build on that there's a problem it starts with relationships if there's a problem in relationships and you say let's manage it till we get married marriage is not going to change anyone as well says my my does not might not change a loser to a crocodile how do you say that alligator marriage marriage never changes anyone so if there's a problem in the relationship a lot of people say let's just be going we've already printed card there's a problem whether you printed card or not there's a problem i need to be escalated in marriage because in relationship if the person is very annoying the person is rude after 12 hours max you will go to your house in the night but when you are married this person is rude and you know you go home and wonder if i'm like okay i'm done for today you get home you talk to yourself it's not that bad it's not that bad you go back tomorrow you continue again but if you are inside it it's it's it's it gets more intense and after a while you can't handle it anymore so your your foundation affects your perspective it affects the way you see marriage if you see marriage as a reward rather than an assignment you're going to have a problem marriage is not a reward marriage is not i first married because i find past no that's not what marriage forgive me when i when i'm saying the worry means to come out so if you're offended by pidgin just take the english part i'm speaking and just you know mix it all up so a lot of times people have that perspective of hey i'm getting my dads why when they give girls engagement ring they go crazy on social media they're shouting oh my god no oh no you dated for 17 years and he gives you a ring and you're saying oh my god no so what was the point to those the years you invested and so when people do those things on the wedding day you are dancing you are just like someone that had none of the married before and you are dancing as if there's something on the other side of marriage not work so those kind of people when they get into marriage they're expecting something different they're expecting that when demand oh is a reward so from here now is enjoyment maybe but there's also work involved you will get up and you will cook you will pay bills you'll pay school fees when she's tired you will help her when he's tired when he's frustrated he'll take it out on you so all those things will happen in the marriage what if all you are thinking about is i'm now a mississippi your right hand is no longer working they ask you an equal question you say is this way at the risk of being uncomfortable you everything is now with your left hand even at risk of being rude somebody offers you something you take your left hand so that they can see you engage my ring you're missing the entire point that's not what my age is let me let us okay [Laughter] [Applause] yes all right so uh so for me building a lasting marriage like she was saying also i see it like from the standpoint of a building um the way a building is going to last is by the foundation that's just it once you miss it in the foundation doesn't matter how much you wish the building to last um it's not going to last so let's work on the foundation what is your foundation um she talked about family background very important i think something the singles should do today is go and quickly take a note you know of what is going on in your present family what your ideal family is um whenever like she said whenever cancer couples that's what we look at first one of the first things we look at if you are used to leaving a marriage if that's what your parents did it would be an option for you if you saw your parents stick it through to the end then that becomes your normal you know everybody has a normal you just have to make sure your normal is normal you have to make sure your own normal is what normal so and that's why we have pastors because uh if your physical parents didn't do it right your spiritual parents at least should model for you you know how marriage should be so um if you're used to seeing your parents walking kindness to each other you that becomes your normal if you're used to your parents fighting all the time used to your mom washing down your dad you know that is your normal you would think it's okay to wash down your husband or you know your fiance you know and the same thing with the man if you're used to seeing your dad you know bulldoze everybody dominate everybody everybody's like he's the the king of of of of the lion of the tribe of flat 8. you know dominates everybody then that's what you're going to reproduce so do do do some note or some analysis by yourself if you can what your parents marriage is like what you like and what you don't like you know about the marriage and take a note of it okay the foundation is important she also talks about perspective what is your mindset about marriage too many people are entering marriage with what they will get they are so obsessed about what the in fact pastor you know that many people are even getting married because they like the person they are getting my because they like marriage it's marriage they like not the partner they like the marriage more some people love love yes i'm not their partner and you will know in the way they treat the person you know in how quick they give up because they never really loved this person yeah even wearing pictures you can tell sometimes you know that this person loves this wedding more than the marriage more than the person you know the kind of things that cause squirrels will let you know when you are calling over the wedding at the expense of the marriage it shows what your interest is in shows what your interest is if you really understand the covenant of marriage you can have a two-people wedding because the wedding is for other people the marriage is for you the wedding is for a few hours the marriage is for life do you understand the wedding is a ceremony the marriage is a covenant so when you understand some of those things you you know you won't be like you said oh my god in the proposal that means you don't know what you're signing in for you're signing in for for for service to serve another human being so why are you jumping if you understand how difficult that job is going to be you will not jump so many people in their head they believe they are going to receive all right so very important let the foundation be right i'll end the foundation part by talking about what a covenant is and for 99 of the questions people ask me they are all tied to the understanding of the word covenant if you understand that marriage is a covenant malachi chapter 2 he talks about you know the wife of your you dwight of your covenant in in genesis chapter 2 when they said the two shall become one person that phrase one person is talking about a covenant as a covenant phrase it means two people shall become one all right it's only a covenant that can do that to two people now if you understand that marriage is a covenant 99 percent of questions you will ask you'll be tied to that in a covenant i'm committed to you whether i feel like or not in a covenant there's not like my money is our money because two of us i want in a covenant it doesn't like my body it's our body because people ask me oh hey i'm not in the mood to sleep in my house now what should i do it's not your body the bible says that in first corinthians 7. that's not your body it's not your money hallelujah 99 of the questions you will ask if you understand that marriage is a covenant it will solve it for you 99 all right so marriage is a covenant two people become permanently it's a prayer inseparably one it means that you don't even exist again you don't even exist it's like when they say if anybody being christ is a new creature do you understand they say all things are what so if you're in christ you're all the old man doesn't even exist you're a new creature the same thing happens in marriage because you know that in christ we are in in the kings of god we are married to christ now you know that we're the bride of christ same thing happens in marriage so when you are married to someone the the single part of you is dead forever that's so so did what resurrects is like a new being all together all right so what's your name sorry beating me please come just stay here bless him okay use the microbiome is there any maricopa in front is there any medical parrot is your wife right here she's by your side please two of you come because if i wear them now they might be joined truly [Laughter] praise god hallelujah all right please what's your name madhupayas what's your name what banji okay please come don't move niha for the purpose of this movie you're still single so your name again duper banji all right what was your last name at this subject so when when when banji and dubai are coming to the altar to get married this is duplex an individual this banji from the did they come to this altar to get married banji dies and duper dies and they both now resurrect as bandup or duban so they now you can come close together so they are now joined in the eyes of god banji doesn't exist duper doesn't exist they have now become one before god if you understand this and this oneness is supposed to be permanent forever this is what if see if people understand that what i'm entering into i see people that hide their money in marriage i said you don't understand you have given your life but you're hiding your money so in your eyes your money is more valuable i think your money is in a safe but your life is out there at risk because when you marry somebody you're the first person that can kill you i watch crime stuff a lot this u.s in america's american crime real life crime not as i'm here and i can be american police that if i've watched it enough to know who is at fault and how to go about it once somebody dies the first suspect he's a spouse they don't even care if like the angel they'll say that where were you at 4pm yesterday they don't care who you are he's where were you are the first suspect so i see if you're hiding your money the person you are if all duquesne needs to do was burn this for every food say now planting an egg tomorrow morning alone this guy you're gonna send this guy to heaven you're planting a net he said what's the use of hiding your money then you release yourself to her you're at risk already so people don't understand that if you understand that the joining is forever it's not for two weeks it's not for trials not let me see how it goes when you understand that then you will no longer rush into it you will check well and say am i right to do this for the rest of my life the reason why marriage seems hard for many people is that they are not getting value from it anything you are getting value from you don't see it as hard you see it as what it you only use hard when what you are getting out of it it's not commensurate to what you're putting in then it seems hard somebody get what i'm saying so you look well that can i trust myself or my life with this person if you need to hide your money you need to you have asked me that i buy property on whose name should we buy it when you ask those questions like i said 99 percent questions people ask me is title covenant if both of you are one in whose name should we buy it their names is there one bandu is the only property it's very simple do you understand somebody if banjo's mom for instance needs money and duping needs money who should we attend to first duke is the owner of the money yes because somebody's saying oh our mother needs money you know i said it's our money first you must know that's our money and our money and our money so these are the mindsets that people still you see here a lot of mice i a lot of separation going on in marriage and you say it's marriage that's no matter a lot of things that people have is not marriage it's not even if you understand what marriage is it's not my mother it's our mother it's our money so we decide how we spend it is somebody getting what i'm saying bandu is one and when you understand the covenant you understand the terms of every covenant in every covenant their terms and conditions ephesians 5 solves the terms and conditions for every family i will go into that later thank you clap for bandu for me what's your next point so we're obviously just foundationally true that we can spend the whole time on foundation but but let's let's do something else let's go to the foundation you know you know when you when you were doing here i was just thinking this is actually how it really looks to god they are one so he's and where he is he's taller than her so she's literally his body she's from here down yes she's his body and this is the head so they are one individual to god so when they come before god they are one person and you know that's how we are with christ right that's why he will take these stripes and you you'll be healed you understand because we're in covenant with him we're one with him he's our head where his body so when he was taking the stripes i was taking it because we're together we're one so that foundation once you get covenant any other question yeah will be answered so what i've been doing we've done is review the formula you cannot change the numbers yeah do you understand so one is covenant covenant is like that and it's only by it's only death that can separate you in covenant yeah so the only way that you can separate this stupid was to cut the head of the body how was that that's death that's why we said to death do us pass so covenant is much deeper than a brice maze coming out and dancing hey can your breasts miss ever it's much more than that because the bridesmaids they would dance and they will go home you will not have to deal with the terms of the covenant so mind is not something to be taken lightly at all um second thing i think for us friendship okay so friendship um friendship is one of you know i started talking about friendship a few minutes ago how friendship literally changes everything part of the problem is that people enter into relationships for relationship let me put it this way so you see a girl that you like so you're like hi my name is listen what's your name i just want to take you out be friends first it's from when we have friends that will now know whether we should even take it to the next level so talk have conversations and not every friendship is meant to end in marriage so it doesn't mean that just because this person it doesn't admire you not become enemies with the person that means you were never having friends in the first place so friendship is the first thing friendship is and you see a lot of guys won't receive issue when they are friends it's because of let me give you an example for pasquel and i we're friends so basket didn't really really really propose proposed like us he claims he did but you know in the in women's book he's not really proposal we were friends so my god was down if us okay had come because you must understand i also have there's some things that women have they have these idols in their head of the kind of guy they want to marry he must be a certain way he must be tall dark handsome so all the short fair ugly guys who marry them he must have six pack so people that don't have six pack and call if they have three and a half won't you manage so you know i had my own ideals i had my own idols in my head or what i wanted and they were more what i didn't want that what i wanted okay i didn't know what i wanted exactly but i knew what i didn't want so i knew that i didn't want to marry pastor that was totally out of the question it was not even negotiable so if you're a pastor a lay minister a minister there's a way you'll be nearing ministers or sitting around ministers i don't want because i just thought i'm a pastor's wife i can't deal i can't be like what's going to be smiling instead of you i know those things i barely have enough energy for myself to be chasing people i just had my own issues i'm like i can't deal secondly i didn't want to marry anybody i was definitely not doing that so for one evil men told me i felt they were arrogant and even though they said they take care of their wives i think they take care of their wives so they can boost so i just had all those things in my head not necessarily true but you know you just have some things that you have picked up over the years and satan has helped you to crystallize so i had those things and evil people once it's december like this wherever you are in the world the esta planning village and me i am such a city girl god i cannot deal with village you i cannot go to a stream mosquito cannot bite me i cannot see that in village meeting i cannot greet the whole world there was just a lot of it's stressful and then they will go from house to house when they come back in december go for household let's go and greet and see this let's go and i'm like i'm stressed i don't have enough greeting to go around like this is so stressed or god's meeting they will plan i can't i don't i i can't i can't function like that so i say i'm not marrying bull let me just marry you my boy there's no power for this one i like them just the way i am you know they bought me lagos for a reason so i had all those things and i definitely didn't want to marry a man that was hairy i didn't know that beard gang would rain now that time i said me i'm very hairy if you see me huh i see the gum right somebody's area now come on bon gorilla i can't deal [Applause] i cannot deal then i want to buff my baby i'll be opening the hair to look forward to answering i can't do this i honestly can't do this for myself ah i said tell yourself the truth your hairiness is enough your children will be fine see this is a makeup that's making me that not my hair used to dry here we now use eyebrows all these things so i said no i can't do this i understand i can't do this with my children. and really if you see my son david david has a beard what's telling me that he says mommy my beard is coming i see my brother are five years old you better tell that beard to be going up so i knew i didn't want that i didn't want a man that was hairy and i didn't want a man that was fair basketball has been very fair it's not now that's a nigerian song but when i met him he was very yellow he was a yellow bow boy so i just knew that this can't work so he didn't come to me and say oh i like you i don't have something no if he did the the the sword that i used to caught him i kept it somewhere i held my nail so there was no way if he had come that way that i would have ever been my god would have been so up i wouldn't have agreed and i was even in a relationship so there was no way i would have said anything to him if he had brought that leg so he came as a friend and the first couple of times we talked we talked about the relationship i was in he kept talking to me about it are you sure you're in love with this guy you sure man i thought the pastor was giving me cancer pastor was finding information for himself of course that's not really how it happened shabbat you know a lot of a lot of things go wrong when people have all those and because i have all those idols i knew that if this guy had come like he wants to marry there's no way i would admire this guy there's no way so he came as a friend and god helped me to relax because every single thing i did not want tada is right here and i thank god that he came as a friend because if not i would have missed because you will hold on to those things you believe i don't want to buy from this place i don't want hey mia for my soul god forbid you know whether is the soldier that will be a soldier of the lord that will carry you about there's a way god can walk these things so you know being friends helped us from the beginning i let my guard down he knew it was so interesting that as being my friend he knew more about me than the person that i was engaged to because we started that relationship on i want to marry you and i looked at it okay favor me robert boy doctor who said i cannot give birth differences i just analyze the thing one plus one is equal to two so this works for me born again christian loves the lord let's be moving when pastor k came with his friendship you know he made things easy for me because i didn't i didn't think about my so by the time i was now ready to move to the next level we we were so close he knew everything about me there was i didn't need to form anymore there was no you know when somebody asked you to be in a relationship with them there's there's something that just goes up you don't want them to know everything about you you know at least let's be going small first let's get to the other one we might not surprise them afterwards you know so by the time we got married first week into our minds was asking is this how i wish you were doing marriage because it's supposed to be harder than this navi i said i don't know they said we should just go together and be living in the same house we're doing that so i kind of think we're married i'm not really sure but i don't think there's anything we're doing wrong so we we're friends and that friendship is what has sustained us even now because children will come they will go when we had issues we're having children i waited for eight years we were friends so it wasn't a case of hey my husband my husband god said we might as well what's that it's our problem if i'm crying you better be crying or be comforting me he said you know so we we were so close that close and that's what has sustained us more than anything you see that has never offended me of course not but a friend loves at all times when someone is your friend it's easy to forgive them when someone's your friend you get along when someone's your friend there's nothing you won't do for them if there are things that you're you're in a relationship now there are things or you have you're married there are things that your husband is doing so he's not half what some of your friends have been doing to you since but they are still in your life why because you're thinking friendship friendship yeah so um and i'm going to talk to the single ladies a bit i understand the dilemma ladies face in particular for men men can go after the woman they want but for women women have to wait for whoever comes you know women generally don't go about toasting men so what that means is that um you know you can get 10 suitors in a year and the whole ten are not the kind of people you want to date so i understand that dilemma so what i would ask you to do what i would tell you to do is number one be careful of those idols you have in your mind most women do because you have the gift of fantasies one of the gifts god gave you you have to give to fantasies that's why from childhood if you see most of the movies ladies watch they are all fanta romantic fantasies because women generally relate with fantasy you were given that gift women can drink so that's why they can they know from when you're young you're watching those movies where somebody's in a castle you know the one prince come on white horse you know come on guys don't relate to those things but women love it cinderella you forgot your shoes somebody now pick your shoe men don't think man like war movie football things like that but women you have the gift of fantasy so if you're not careful because of movies and music and other things that you pick up as you're growing you form a lot of idols in your head just like my wife's own they were very baseless but they were real in her head and they could have altered her life yes truly our son is hairy as she's she she she imagined but you know we still love the boy like that do you understand but but you know so when you build those things in your head you know as a woman oh you want the guy to be this high you want guy to be this rich you know he must have a car i can't track her you see all those things will stop you from god's best because sometimes eligible guys come but you don't even give them a chance because they don't fit into the mold you are carrying you don't think they are financially buoyant enough you don't think they are good with they are fluent enough it doesn't talk well of course he's scared when he's around you that's why he doesn't talk well you know all those things god gives you raw materials most times so that person can become i wasn't like this when i met my wife at all i look cool and all that now trust me i wasn't like this at all i was very thin slim hungry-looking she's one that told me to have a throw a half-beard so my looks totally attributed to her see most times sometimes god sends you that that person that you don't like self sometimes or sometimes you know and i'm not a character and i mean maybe physically god sent that person to you because you're the one that will refurbish and renovate and decorate that person but they'll send the person to your raw material you're expecting pens to come in already finished form which will happen i follow what i'm saying so watch out for what what things you are building in your head they might be stopping you they might be stopping you okay so um she talked about friendship now we'll talk about facts facts um proverbs 24 universe 3 and 4 says every enterprise is built by wise planning it becomes strong through common sense they and it profits wonderfully by keeping abreast of the facts now if you're going to build a relationship or marriage that will last both of you must be interested in learning now if you are married to someone that is never interested at all it's not in a meeting like this is not watching with you you will have to attend a prayer seminar so that you can learn how to pray for your spouse but if both of you are here that is better all you need is to invest in knowledge keeping abreast of the facts everything profits when you keep abreast of the facts how much lenin are you putting into marriage in this regard i'll usually speak to men a bit because generally men hate to learn especially about marriage men don't mind learning about money but they just believe what are you talking about what can anybody tell me about marriage men are just a wonderful person we run the counseling ministry as you know and we can put all over the world i've never had a woman negotiate price before never because women believe in in in fact they know that the price we are giving them is cheap compared to the value of their relationship and their peace i've never had a woman say oh this amounts and of course the money is in dollars whenever the woman says amount is too much but that's the question they have can we get discount i say you don't you don't have sex men just don't see the value in marriage and they don't understand that marriage impacts them like nothing else they just don't see it [Laughter] so i think that time our chart today was 100 something dollars per hour or something i can't remember so a guy one guy said you know he felt that money was too much he said can we get i said listen the same one now i'm using to talk to you i said this is me giving back this is not my value of what i'm doing for you i said when i go and speak in places i've spoken for in that same one hour and i get up to five thousand dollars upward so i'm spending i'm giving you that same time one hour private you know coaching and you're saying hundred dollars i said it's cheap it's not it's not worth it for me financially i'd rather wait till i have speaking engagements where i'm paid the higher and i have to mention figaro because men respect figo not to let them know i'm not cheap don't because that's the money if it has a ferrari store he won price he thinks i'm volkswagen i'm ferrari of relationship don't do that [Laughter] [Applause] and they don't do that so intentionally because men don't respect emotionally these women that respect women can just respect you for noticing men know you have to show them why they should respect you that's how men are so staying with the facts men sometimes hate to learn now but i'm either a male or female we all need to learn basically you must give relationship that level of respect marriage is one of the most important things in your life the bible says even when you treat your wife badly your prayers will be hindered so for men you need to understand that your prosperity is tied to who you marry and how you treat that person that you marry why do we have successful doctors that have bad marriage is simple the doctor spent seven years learning medicine zero years learning marriage so he's a successful doctor because he spent seven years and he's still reading books he still has mentors medical he's still learning but marriage zero learning so he's a successful lawyer zero marriage i mean zero you know unsuccessful i was a new larry king that just passed on i think it was married seven times or something like that i mean that's the dawn of presenting that's like the mega star of presenting i think at the time i said reading about him i don't know if it was still true you know but he was still the highest person in cnn in terms of presenting highest views highest whatever so you can imagine the what the quality but he wasn't just ready to learn about relationships obviously because somebody like that could have afforded the highest coach there are some people that you i mean you could afford high school to learn about marriage you can't make me married mistake seven times see worse can be a genuine mistake once anybody can make mistake once twice okay seven you are consciously dodging knowledge you are dodging it is somebody getting what i'm saying so let's learn read books attend seminars like this see counseling is not something you go for when you have trouble sometimes you go for it so that you don't have trouble just talk to your relationship coach check the health of your marriage you see just like your physical health corona just corona kills more people that have underlining conditions that means they had something in them before when people die it's not that day they died they have been dying but nobody spotted it or paid attention to it so sometimes it's okay to check the health of your marriage you can go for counseling you can read books together you can attend seminars like this learn if you're a man then you need to learn about you you can't have a successful marriage the woman by chance you must learn that's why in facebook three they said husbands treat your wife according to knowledge you can't do it by chance you must learn you must learn you can have as a woman you can't successfully live with a man without learning about meno and this is what many people do they just just marry they have not learned about the opposite i heard you talking about that today they are not about the opposite sex we are different we are never made from the same material in fact we were two different beings two different it was animaking over truth like hyena lie on marine church versus we're never the same at all we are not the same we didn't come from the same materials i know most of you are in the good world teaching church so i know you already know this whenever you say material men were made from dust you remember him from a bone we're not the same do you understand i don't know why we join together because we're not the same two different animals we're not the same imagine eagle marine chicken they will need a lot of communication to survive a lot of understanding abby see me i want to fly so when we fly to this point you stop there because that's where your wind can reach then i'll fly then i'll come back but to say how we are one we are equal and that's what the world is trying to teach that men and women are saying we are one we are never one we are never equal we are different we have different roles don't let this modern modern talk that is destroying homes and families because when people are pushing an agenda check their results the western world teaching men and women are the same check the divorce rates if it's working for them the person you want to copy check if it's working for them they said oh we don't beat children that's not scriptural law scripture say beat your child when it's necessary i'm not talking about just beating for no reason good morning just last landing slapping that's no i'm not talking about those kind of back but i'm saying if it gets to the stage where beating and spanking you know is needed be free to release that grace but you see the western world say no no don't beat your children have you seen how their kids behave check the facts don't just follow because they are they are saying something check is it working for them that's what you need to find out is somebody getting what i'm saying many women are not the same so men came from from dust women came from from from the bone you say oh we are equal there should be no rules then why are why is the only women carrying children you know it was up to these modern people now you know in every family we took upon the first one banjo-born the second one am i correct could you say we are equal we must do everything together god specifically put the womb in the woman and listen god didn't only give the woman the physical capacity to carry children he also gave her the emotional capacity god is a master planner now they didn't only shape this mic to be cordless they also gave it the capacity to transmit so if i just take a while you would never have any coded mic in this interest if i've taken my recorded mic and removed the code it doesn't make it a wireless mic it won't function because it don't have the emotional or the capacity to transmit this one is not it's not the lack of god that makes it cordless it also has capacity so if god made the woman give the woman a womb he was okay but if if you give me a womb now by the time the first man gives birth and all the men see the stress he went through men would be stealing people's babies nobody is going to have a children to child the man will push he will go through that pushing or go through cs that swing and that three months of not eating this one when his friend sits say my brother i'm not even marrying i'm interested i will just adopt or steal a baby but you see a woman she will carry that pregnancy she will be spitting her feet is swollen her nose is swollen she's suffering she can't help me she will push she will abuse the man is man i won't do this again one year after what's happening she's back there because she has the emotional capacity to do so she also has the mental capacity to do so that's why you can easily leave a woman with three kids and nobody's stressed leave a man with three kids if you find the three when you come back he just doesn't have the same capacity is the kids that will take care of him guess what apart from the womb god gave women the breast that has implicated you that you are the one that will not show the children the breast is the first meal you know we are the one that embraced the sexual [Music] the first work that they've created breast for it's fulfilling i don't think adam maximized the breast we maximize little i don't think so it was purely for feeding that's why the babies the food is and it's not detachable you can't say where you go i hold one you hold one take one to walk and kill the baby this when you see it you know that the master of the universe it wasn't a mistake that a woman has a capacity to raise kids and it's not an insult it's not a a demeaning job it's god saying it is you i trust with the next generation oh that's a good point to clap because the western world will have you think that is less of a job that go out there and walk statistically speaking and i'm going to end here because i'm taking the love that statistically speaking they have found that moving most women now that work circularly with their husbands now i'm not saying women shouldn't work definitely um the way life is now most times the man's income is not enough i must have don't want to have dreams and she's highly educated so it's fine she can't walk but they have found out all right that most of these men that even work corporately and do well that they they are still stressed that most women when they feel they are not spending enough time with their kids or raising their kids enough no matter the amount of money they make they say most of them are still stressed emotionally i'm not going to wrote it or said it it's studies and most women have spoken to said yes they still have that nagging feeling that i'm not spending time with my kids i don't know who's talking to them how sad is one raising my kids for me so who taught you this when you're saying what was this one so most of us have that nagging feeling that i'm not i'm not raising my kids well because you were created with that feeling there's that connection when a baby breastfeeds there's a chem there's one of the hormones and chemicals moving makes both of you oxytocin that makes more of you be close is flowing all these things the master of the universe designed it but the western world is trying to say no men and women are the same we're not the same at all you must understand that men are work oriented emotional men have ego men men don't have as much words as women so women always tell me my husband doesn't apologize i say he has apologies he just didn't know because you expect him to apologize to a woman we apologize that i'm saying you can't marry successfully without knowledge you can't walk over that you just want to marry somebody i hope that no because the man oh my different you a woman you're expecting things for a woman person he is doing it for emancipating if a man offends you he you will likely not come and say i'm sorry because in the world of men would apologize like that in the world of men how do we apologize if you're passionate has an issue if i call him and say do you see my city match that is an apology and if he tells me yes he watch him that is he has accepted the apology but women can understand that in the world of men until we bring that matter and say this is what i did to you i'm sorry for what i did oh man do i apologize like that so when your husband is laughing with you over something that's when there's a pending issue that's his apology so i tell women collect that one first sir continue juicing with him later when tension is down tell him that next time if you offend me just tell me i'm sorry it's better than this drama and dancing when you you're going to offend you and you go and buy your best gun buy straight i know she likes you i go back to you i said ah i bought to y'all will you eat that is apologies one wife like that told me that she likes you at that house i was going to buy sia i said i'll bust you out will you eat she said she was really angry that's annoying in the world of women when you buy something that the woman likes and says is not eating that's a sign of i'm angry and that means come and beg me in the world of men if i buy suya and i know you like suya and i actually will leave it to you and you say you know it's here that's breakthrough it means only me we eat two people [Laughter] you understand because men are literal beings because women will say leave me by leave me they mean don't leave me in the world of men leave me means leave me all these things i'm saying i had to learn it so my wife would tell me when you upset me just tell me i'm sorry when i'm saying leave me i don't mean leave me i mean show me that you love me and you want to be with me but for me when i say leave me say okay no problem so you must communicate to bridge this gap you must learn how men and women speak you must learn the language of women when a woman is saying leave me doesn't mean leave me when a woman is saying there's nothing wrong it's not necessarily so because in their world they speak in parables you must decode when she says something must take one minute to think what's the right answer somebody get what i'm saying am i fat if your wife asks you am i fat you can't say yes zach i don't know because i can notice because you're always fine to me [Music] i get what i'm saying when a woman is asking some questions sometimes she's not really expecting an answer women are way more intelligent than men so most times they know the answer they are asking you for conversation so don't be quick to advise say this resolution should i wear she knows what she wants to wear whatever i tell her will not count she chooses the one she wants to wear this one i like two of them i like the colors and i like the fit of this one i'll be going don't think your advice is of any value there she's asking for companionship just dispute her so i like this dress this lesson i don't understand why oh this one i like defeating too hey thank you i should women are intelligent they live their way around things [Music] to do it i said to check foreign one but then she comes out of driving she's wearing another one if i watch my neighborhood part of the two she will show him and i crack my head to think of the answer that's what's beating me because i cracked my head to give the answer and to analyze the reason why i chose the answer when i fast they think on their feet men thinking is a chore for us when men say i want to think we're going to hide women when we never understand it because women are talking they're thinking at the same time we will be talking and thinking when we're talking we're nothing wrong i think we're not talking hallelujah i can go now not to waste your time but the point is that you must learn you can't dabble into this and succeed in marriage you need to know that woman can be in a mood for no reason sometimes it's not your just be there hold her sometimes no words are enough just hold her but most men if your wife is trying to ask them what they don't know what to do they want to look for what to say you're not a motivational speaker and even if you are this issue doesn't need logic just hold her she'll be fine she will see her problem and say the solution herself if somebody hear what i'm saying so stay with the facts is there a last one ah that dream will come to that so we'll do questions are we ready thank you guys [Applause] okay as a short video from media unit let's take the announcements and then after that we'll take some questions maybe for just about 20 minutes [Music] thank you for joining us thank you for joining us for this event i believe you're having a great time i had some enlightening moments that i will not forget in a hurry if this is your first time of joining us whether online or on site it's such an honor to have you worship with us please give us a chance to celebrate you if you're in the building please signify with the wave and if you're online please indicate in the comment section hill city common let's show them some love without jesus welcome we celebrate and appreciate you we have a special gift for you and to access it please use the link displayed on the screen so we can send you that special gift that is waiting just to be delivered to you before we run along can we please pay attention to the following announcements our sunday services will hold tomorrow with the first service starting at 8 00 a.m and the second service will start at 10 am we're looking forward to the last installment of the message series because i believe the past couple of weeks have been nothing short of amazing please join us as it promises to be a life changing experience a message series on excellence will commence in february and will run for every sunday in february start and end your day right by joining us for prayers virtually on zoom and mix alarm twice every day morning sessions start by 5 30 a.m and evening sessions start by 8 30 p.m we've recorded amazing testimonies from people who've joined us in the past couple of months you don't want to miss out on what god is doing in this season finally follow at hugh city ng on social media to be in touch with regular updates from us our handle is at heel city ng on facebook instagram twitter and youtube thank you for your time [Music] ah oh the thing has jumped no don't do that because pastor casey was the first question don't do that i'm going to get it yes he left came back now he's acting cold reduced communication but i've asked what the issue is but is again is not responding should i walk away to avoid the pain of knowing he might be cheating is it a relationship he left came back now he's acting cold sounds like he has reduced communication i think it's like it's a relationship if if it's a relationship then um personally i don't think relationships should be this hard i don't think it should be this stressful if there already so many red flags so he's a quitter he lives and i mean relationships are usually a sign of what the marriage would be like amplified the marriage will be amplified so if he's leaving and he's reducing communication he's probably has he's probably looking for a way to let you know that it's over um i don't know she said she has had a conversation with him um he avoids communication i've asked what the issue is but he's not responding should i walk away he has walked away so he's meaning you yes if you're asking and he's not responding he's walked away he has reduced communication that means he has walked away he just doesn't know how to tell you men are not sometimes are not as confrontational as women ah if a woman wants to break up with you she'll make a big deal of it she'll have that conversation she will cry she'll do all those things but a guy usually wants to break up with he doesn't want to face you because he doesn't want to deal with the tears he doesn't want to deal with the guilt trip you're going to make him feel after everything we've been through after everything i've done for you and the guy will not be feeling guilty so the guy has gone so i think you should just move on and trust god for someone who will stay and even if he doesn't even if you try to force this and make it work if this is married it's more complicated okay because it was marriage they will start the whole journey of praying um talking to people is it the whole drama and then their children involved so now that he's showing you what he really is like believe him and then just walk away all right let me quickly add this to that for pastor mildred um what do you do in a relationship where your partner avoids you in some places like church but elsewhere he will showcase you is it right yeah yeah yeah yourself if a guy really loves you he will he will show you off he will show you off whatever skin i wear and when we go to a relationship he wouldn't go anywhere without me i'm going somewhere join me going somewhere he took me to all his past all the pastors in his life mentors friends i was with him everywhere and he still does it today there are meetings he goes so i don't have to be there you just just follow me so i'm literally literally like he's his briefcase everywhere he's super scared most likely going to see me that's the truth a lot of times when he's invited to minister i'm not even preaching i just follow him so if a guy is hiding you he probably has a has someone in church he's dating who is also coding with he's telling her i mean when i was in school on campus there was some guy who was dating three girls in the choir and each one of them he was telling them don't tell anyone else and it was one day while the three and the three girls were friends and all of them were keeping secrets from each other so one day they opened one person's cupboard why is this guy's picture here why why is his picture here why before we know him everybody start to talk their own and it was a case of he told each person don't tell anybody you know i'm a leader i like to keep things private i don't want anybody to know who have enemies i don't want to complicate your life a guy can tell you anything if you're in love you believe it so if he's hiding you it's a sign that he doesn't love you all right okay me too i want to bombard bk now all right interesting one my husband of 38 years is dating my auntie of 50 years so no so what i think is my husband is 38 years old okay and he's dating my auntie that is 50 years old he's always going to our house just this last wednesday they had sex i caught them my husband said he's so much in love with her and he always comes to church not district how do you cope with this kind of man pk all right bandup is laughing oh coffee all right uh before i even go to that one i still want to talk about this uh this issue um i i don't know why people treat themselves but like i said it all starts with the foundation a lot of people are not even they don't love themselves why would you let somebody treat you like that you know what is going on in your mind that's making you feel you're not worth being loved and being respected something's going on your mind i see as long as that thing is in your mind we can't cancel you out of a bad relationship you can leave this one you're going to enter a worse one because the real problem here is you not this guy anybody has the right to treat you how they like it's whether you will allow them to do it that's the issue anybody has a right to tell you a fool are you going to allow them do it are you going to believe it i'm going to also act like a fool that's the question you can control people's opinion of you can control people's actions but you can control what you take and what you don't take so for me for instance if a girl um my wife's not the first fine girl i met i met other ones we never started she was the first relationship ever since christian i had the best relationship ever and the only and mom really married now but the other girls i liked and i tried to get close to them like i said man don't come and say i love you under money no i don't know you enough to love you what am i love am i loving you by the time i talk to you if you're not talking well you're not flying where you can't be friends forget it so i mean you must love yourself if this guy walked away comes back he's still not even repentance why are you okay why are you okay with that why is that okay what's going on in your mind that that is okay because if i cancel it out of this one you are most likely going to enter another one you are the one attracting you are the common denominator and the way guys are treating you guys don't treat all girls the same people don't know that guys don't treat all girls the same they don't they get away with things they feel they can get away with and if you let them know that you are not that type they would you see men like standard standards help men lowering standard doesn't help men and women always think if i lower my standard totally we stay to have exactly the opposite reaction um so let me leave that question quick continue i can spend my whole time with that question your own this woman that the same thing applies so i have a message tied to seven things i badly want to tell women and one of it is that oh women all women should get the job and get something they are doing very important get you get end your own money now of course you might not keep it away from husband but at least be have any capacity because a lot of women stay in places they should not be staying just because they can't take care of themselves and their kids all right so i don't have run with a guy making a mistake or falling into sin that happens what i'm concerned about is what is his reaction now that this thing is made open is he repentant or he wants to continue in it if he wants to continue it my question again is why do you think this is okay for you anybody can make you an offer i have a right to tell an ambition to man that i like his brown shoes and listen like can i give you one thousand naira 42 i have a right to make that offer now he also has a right to accept or what not accept i don't forget what i'm saying i have a right to enter a castle and say i want to buy this ferrari for 10 thousand naira i'm within my right do you understand they will not advise me that we don't behave like that here i don't forget what i'm saying they will now tell me that no don't be afraid to hear but many people think oh they offer me 10k ah should be we are for sale any price goes no if you see the price that christ paid for you it should tell your value so your husband for whatever years wants to be sleeping with your auntie is that arraignment okay for you if it's not okay so what do you want to do what do you want to do so you can temporarily separate i'm going to be praying for him or you can walk away or you stay if that arraignment is okay for you you know i can't decide for you because you're the one inside there whatever you decide most willing to stick with it but for me those are three options i give people all the time when they're bringing health care i said number one if it's okay for you i want to stay that's one option number two you can temporarily separate another number three you can just you can pray or you can totally really fully move on with your life do you understand is because women sometimes see marriage as they do or die men don't see it like that if i tell you the amount of men that walk away if a man is tired when they walk away they don't even carry all their luggage they're just walking so that they just take one shirt on their back they just if you see women walk away but women just feel oh my whole life is ruined you need to straighten that in your mind you see in negotiation the person that is more willing to walk away is always the one that controls the negotiation yeah that's how it works so you must always have that mindset that hey you know i'm committed to this thing you know as long as you know we're both going to be committed to it and work on it if if i feel you're not committed only me can't keep a marriage one person can build their mind no matter how much you try if the person doesn't want to be good in the mind there's nothing you can do about it what do you want to do you can't control another person's behavior you can only control your own and many people have died of heartbreak high blood pressure different things because they are sticking and staying in the marriage that was that was over long ago so end your money so that when if if not when if some kind of drama comes you can at least eat some women stay because they don't have anywhere to go they can't survive so they have to just stay where it's not working you can go and pray but while you're praying at least the breathing pressure not in the atmosphere catching them cheating do you know what that even does to you as a woman do you know what you you i mean you you you can become sick just because of the emotional trauma you face so why do you want to keep yourself in that atmosphere that's the question god hates divorce but he doesn't say he can never divorce his justice he hates it you want me to hate it even you hate it that's why you're asking the question but sometimes that's your option because you're not gunky come and go and kill yourself and die all right i want us to combine these two questions together because of time because for me it's um amusing is it proper for a christian man to drink beer and sleep over in clubs all in the name of business connections then then the second question because let's just picture these are two different homes two different women with different issues this one says husband that is always attending prayer meeting at 8 30 p.m every day is that on the correct husband how is he building a relationship when every day now prayer meeting so one is drinking beer this other one is prayer meeting this is a p.m p.m okay so so we pray so we pray in church 5 30 and 8 30 p.m every day okay on mix-a-lot zoom yeah i don't know one hour it's 30-30 minutes yes and that's the problem and see you don't want to see man that is not praying now if i'm a prayer for his god do not give you a man that does not pray some people are looking for the husband you own you know where to find him jesus so you know i think sometimes women my husband says all the time that women are not okay when they don't have problems most women they need problem they need it to survive do you understand so this man so you can see the two people these two people have different problems this one she can't say i was when he's in club you you know where your own your own one is if you need him you can go to the feet of jesus and carry him 13 minutes of prayer so my first question is are you even saved that's the first question are you born again if you were born again you will know the importance of prayer you know how many women are praying for their husbands to be praised and your husband is praying and you are complaining i feel sorry i feel very sad angry with you he's not malacated that's not it you will come back and you will ask what the problem is and you will do your best to solve it so probably maybe she's honestly that she's not born again or maybe you are knowing her because you are praying but you are not doing what somebody who prays should be doing so your behavior is not good fruit of the spirit you are not a monk a love oh fruits of love you didn't day there's no way there's no way they can hold you so that's what's annoying her so instead of you now being an ambassador for christ you're not making her even angry at the jesus she should be seen in you so sometimes you know there are two sides to it the woman is complaining about prayer i implore you don't let jesus he will be worse if he wasn't even praying so the reason he's not was that jesus is holding him so be thankful while you are working on talking to him about other things what that 30 minutes i don't think that's the problem of your marriage there are other foundational issues the one that asks is he right i'm sure you know the answer that it is not right now you didn't ask us what to do so i want to stop at it it's not right now she wants what to do he said is he right he's not right i'm speaking no if somebody's going about drinking but you can't control their behavior just pray for them pray for them and love them when they come back [Music] then if they have mentors or people that can speak with them um you can also let this people know that they can still speak with them but largely yeah prayer is the key the challenge most times that people pray and they also want to answer the prayer themselves sometimes you pray you need to leave the case and not push it don't fight it just pray and wait all right and keep behaving right two wrongs don't make it right so don't turn into warfare love him you know that's what first peter 3 says that if your husband is not obeying the word through your own good behavior you can win him back so pray and behave well and be patient all right it's take a while but patience there's nothing prayer cannot turn around okay you should be but you can't control him there's nothing you can do other than pray wait you can talk to your pastor if you're somebody that has a pastor if he doesn't obey pastor or like pastor or come to church at all then there's only god that can reach him so be patient pray for strength yes okay i don't know if i can combine this true um denying your partner sex despite the fact that you know it is wrong how do you deal with this emotions that you feel even though the bible says you surrender your body to your husband but you're probably upset and you would rather not then another woman says sorry before you this to this person is it that husband is denied her sex or she wants to deny her husband does not feel like she's upset oh all right and there's a conflict no results and the man is saying alpha okay and you said our body is not our own oh yeah so oh yes okay so how does she deal with it when she would rather not and ideally she should not deny him okay sorry i don't know yes um part of the things we're going to talk about part of the you know if you notice everything we're doing was f's foundations friendship facts one of it was feelings you sorry one of it was feelings um you can't do marriage with feelings there a lot of things you won't feel like doing what you have to do so many people get shocked when they get married and they don't feel like when you start a relationship you start from an emotional standpoint usually so you have emotional love so but at some point either in the relationship or when you finally become married you need to move to intentional love so many people once the emotional love fades they are kind of lost just feel i don't love you anymore no what needs to happen now is that you move from emotional love to intentional love in intentional love you act first before the feelings come in emotional love you feel first before you act so every marriage you go through does that face most marriages that break in fact i have a book titled you don't need a new spouse because allah puts me at a point that i think i need a new spouse what they mean is that they want to get back to that point where feelings was what was controlling them they don't realize that inside the marriage you can have somebody mine for 10 20 years no feelings keeping them at that point the only thing eminem is intentional love so you go out of your way to be kind even when you don't feel like being kind and now when you be intentional eventually the feelings will come again but this time those feelings are not on their own you are powering it so is that the first time it wasn't you powering that's why when they left you you were surprised because you weren't in control of it i don't know if you guess what i'm saying the second feelings that come come because you are intentional so you control it so now i know how to make my wife happy she's not just happy by herself before she was just happy we're emotional we're happy to be together now i have to do some things for her to be happy she has to do some things consciously to to make me happy so that's where the gap is most time for most people so in this case now um your husband is not whatever you're allowing your feelings control you do what you need to do even if you're going to resolve those issues you withholding sex and all that is not going to help you might even cause more damage and all your feelings cooperate with your head your head is what your thoughts control your feelings don't act on their own so don't make it look like oh i don't feel like no it's your thoughts once you adjust your thoughts you will feel like your feelings are just subject to your thoughts they never work on their own so don't magnify your feelings so much your flings are totally a product of your thoughts i never forget what i'm saying totally proud of your thoughts so if you can walk on your thoughts and renew your mind with god's word and say hey i'll use love to win this guy back you know and i might not feel like doing this thing but it's part of my duties as a wife then go ahead and do it you'll be amazed we underestimate the power of love love has power love never fails but our flesh wants to do fire for fire revenge for revenge and that's exactly what god said we should not do not just in marriage even as christians say we should not give fire for fire i mean can i just quickly answer that one of the things that has really helped me in marriage is constantly putting my vows before my feelings um it's not you know you know a lot of times you will think that oh because your husband is a relationship teacher he doesn't do anything that knows you know he does he's a man and every man has the capacity to annoy so he does things that will be hurtful and my my response to hurt his revenge pretty much as a human being and because that's my personality type that my plan is to never forgive and to deal with you and to hold it for like ten years when it will really pain you know those kind of things that human beings think but i remember that i made vows to god not even to him to god so i said to first to god before to him so if i promised god that i would do um there's also what we call we call um beautiful sex and dutiful sex so beautiful sexes that both of us are feeling it beautiful sex is me obeying god's word to render due but benevolence so it's my duty to be benevolent with my body to him so whether or not because what's the option i always ask myself what's the option if he really needs sex and i say no is the option you should go and look for somebody else you know because sometimes women now use our hand to damage ourselves sit down just put hand in your mouth and mix it up so putting your feelings under your vows must come first i promised this and i promised it to god so i'm going to do my juicy when your own obedience is complete then you can avenge disobedience but two wrongs never make it right all right second question i didn't know i know you yes go ahead okay wow okay i thought i was a ninja okay my husband is so driven it provides for me and the children all that we need but i want him and i need him more we barely talk because he brings home work he always has one thing or two things to do what do i do okay um i suspect his personality type from what you're saying it's probably choleric his work driven it gets his joy from work don't try to distract him from work don't make him look like what he's doing is bad you see for men once you pose yourself like you are fighting what he loves he will see you as somebody to avoid you know and you don't want that so yes so don't don't bring that leg at all like you want to drag him from work um pleasantly show him pleasantly that you will like praise him for all the things he's doing well all right because like like i said like voice as i said i say it women because of how their mind work women are too much so much into details so sometimes it makes them petty it's how you are gifted that's why men men have serious issues and they will avoid discussing it and focus on what they can talk about you know why they serious matter they've told their wife at home with their wife surprised whatever we think that when we come here they're going to talk about it they will sit here and talk about football talk about politics and dodge this issue but women are like that once we have one issue they will trash it out straight they start they must start there for the good on the topic so your your grace to be detailed also makes you petty so it means small things that are not working can stop all the things that are working for you that's how your mind is wired so you need to train your mind to understand that let me even appreciate the one is doing because some men are the same way but they don't provide this one is providing habit go and hug him sometimes when it comes to that work and kiss him and say i like how you provide for this family i like how you take care of us you're such a good man i wish many men were like you so tell him that one day and leave it there the next day or the next or that they do something similar they tell him that ah i just wish some time to spend more time as a family and leave it there as you have praised him and he's feeling like a king he doesn't like that small stain he's spoiling his kingdom yes men are egotistical and your job is not to remove his ego your job is to polish that ego use the ego to your advantage that's what happened to the man that killed the king the king of the baptist they danced for him that's for him praise him he just woke up and said ask me anything even to the half of my kingdom and they say one john the baptist's head he was not planning to kill john the baptist but he presented him so do the same thing for your husband love him kiss him appreciate what he's doing well it's tough for women to do because women want everything perfect so because there are the two details so once this one smooth is not working it scatters the ones that is working no praise him for what the number one one of number one complaints as a counselor i get from men is that she doesn't appreciate the good things i do so it's a major complaint from him so praise him love him for that one then drop the one you don't like and pray and go and rest you'll see that he will start responding then sometimes he probably even doesn't know how so show him how hang out with him even when he's at work ask him questions about the work now what's he doing what's what's this file for was it let him talk to you about it gradually the companionship will build he probably is not trying to hurt you he just doesn't know better then drag him for meetings like this give him tips like this play tapes like when he's walking be playing this message all right play it on the background like see man you play like a plane for him you are listening to it in the same room you are the one listening to it when it comes up here all right um let's let me make this yeah they are planning you it is where now that time i said i was not going to say what pique told me is for reasons like this so that i can keep using it all right because of time um let's make this our last question um but this is what i've decided since i'm lead pastor tomorrow second service will be marriage seminar continued so all the questions that not dealt with tonight we will deal with in the second service tomorrow you must if you must listen to the final message in the series because i believe make sure that you attend the first service you can join online do you understand so it means that tomorrow's two services are compulsory first service is because i believe second service is secrets of long-lasting relationships is that okay so this is our final question yeah i have no i didn't say that i didn't say that now so this is what's going to happen sending your questions continue to send your questions between tonight and tomorrow morning any question that hurts me i will ask pk yes before tomorrow if you ask it during the second service i will call him his number will be busy and i will not tell you so please make sure you send in your questions and honestly speaking if it is too much for me i will ask him tonight i'll just send him a chat he will send a response when i'm telling you tomorrow like paul said this one is from pk not from me yes sir all right good this person says the married man in my husband's office buys gifts for him weekly including boxers and he sees nothing wrong with it you don't want to talk all right oh um what are you talking about i want to hear you sir no it's um it's straightforward the issue my issue with questions like this is just that is the person here or will the person hear this you know if you are just the one being you are the receiving end me comforting you will not change the situation you know obviously they are either dating or they are going to date you know so that's the issue they are either in a relationship or they are going to be in one you know so um this is where it's good to have a husband that submits in a church or you know has a mentor that can tell him that hey you can't their lines their boundaries that people should not pass you know because men sometimes can be oblivious of those things ah there's nothing there there's something there and women don't just give you those gifts for nothing in the world women women know that those things are not you know innocent so um he needs to be questioned quickly but my issue is that just deleted on the surface doesn't stop such a thing because he would just stop bringing those gifts home or they will stop giving those gifts but whatever is going on can still continue so it's a serious matter that you have to deal with first spiritually as long as they're working together in that office it's only god that can separate that that thing going on you know so from your end you've spoken to him is there a mentor that can speak with him then pray because they can stop bringing the gifts home your problem is the gifts you are seeing if you are not seeing the gifts you will know what else is going down something fishy you know what this is going down so yes let that talk i think that when it comes to things like this i don't even think it's question time i think it's prayer time and i don't think it is those oh lord it's not crying time it is when you invoke the covenant okay if you have a covenant with god someone cannot touch what is yours and go scot-free i need you to understand that because the women are running around and crying and it's like what's okay i said it's because of what you are seeing there are some things you laid down do you understand you you set those things up let me give you an example um sarah you know sarah and abraham are women like decides this girl is beautiful and takes her and of course abram can't do anything about it just the way you are now you can't do anything about it do you want you know what you want one's gonna make you up in his office and they suck him then he will kikumaki when he comes home so what are you to do about this abraham couldn't do anything about it but remember when you're in covenants you know you know that thing we did here that's why you and god are one you know you don't understand a lot of christians don't understand that you and god are one someone can anything that touches you touches god so when you're going to prayers no crying this is god i came to call you that they came they've taken our husband so god i don't know how you are going to do it though but this person can't go scott free and nobody calls sleeping like somebody when don't arrive he was sleeping to get energy or how he would sleep with sarah the next day he was in that sleep god says so this is how god just went to wake him god went and said so these are dead bodies you are dead you want to carry somebody you are dead you don't know say go and return that wife now god did not even wait to know whether that be my leg would be him or not everybody said but i didn't touch it i said i'm the one that stopped you from touching her go and return her and the man will pray for you and he said something else if you read the scriptures when when iran prayed if all the wombs in that house had been locked by god pending when abram would pray so you need to understand that the person that is in covenant with you he's not the kind of person that he can touch and you'll be one corner talking or be asking questions like you he moves and when god moves he fights correctly and he fights in places that you cannot touch he closed all the wombs of all women so whether whether i consign them more you know maybe everyone angry says why did one carry new wife and come and join us because they closed their womb joint so god locked up every area they were unfruitful it may not be maybe her wound can be closed the mildew man maybe maybe it's the job that will be closed maybe he's money maybe she'll even go blind it can't be anything but i'm not even going to pray god destroy just call god that they've taken our husband so what are you going to do about it so that's when you get into prayer do you understand so sometimes when i say this question because you think you're powerless what do you want to do well i was asking this question what do you want us to answer you do something about it get on your knees don't even talk to your husband what you want to say to him you're having wrong conversations have the conversation with god that god i'm in covenant with you sir are you here and they are taking my husband so what do you want me to do sir he will move but when you are there i see you're telling yourself don't collect anything from her you will not collect or you collect and hide it but what's going on is already going on and what's what the problem i have with that does my husband is i hate infidelity i hate it with everything in me i'm in an infidelity recovery culture i hate infidelity because i see the damage it does to people and the fact that infidelity is a spirit that does not leave families so you have to fight that one again that you do not repeat itself for your children and your children i hate it so just sitting down there asking questions i'm going to solve everything get on your knees and start praying pray until that man is rescued because he won't see it when i oblivious to things like these boundaries how many men no boundaries how many men understand boundaries most men don't understand boundaries they buy gifts so he says nothing is if there was something will i bring the gift to him he won't understand it so you need to start praying it's not question time is prayer time hallelujah have you been blessed tonight i said have you been blessed tonight okay house um so two things please um still be seated two things before we go tonight i want us to appreciate um those in the overflow amen we who are here let's appreciate those in the overflow um thank you so much it is our fault that we don't have a bigger space for you we appreciate you um secondly can we appreciate those who have joined us online from all over the world thank you so so much now in the course of the week somebody was mentioning something to me and he said pastor when we're on campus you used to talk about this kind of programs in the future that you're going to hold this kind of programs and all of that i said oh and in recent times my mind has just been going back to people you know who were there who believed in me when i was nobody uh when this was just an idea and i decided i was going to single just one person all right for a shout out tonight and i told him that i was going to do this he's watching us alive he's in turkey all right many of you knew people will not probably know pastor sheishokai or some of the old-timers who remember pastor he was one of those people that believed when there was nothing to believe in and we're chatting and he said will this be live and i said yes it's going to be live so personally this is for you let's celebrate personally here tonight thank you so much um for all that you have done for all that you keep doing you know there was a time in this church when i used to look forward to the end of the month because even if i don't know that god is faithful i know that true pastor she god is faithful a number of them that i used to look forward to them because they were faithful titles in those days i mean and these are people that knew the problem and you know sometimes when you give and you know the problem it can be difficult for you to think you are giving to god because you know the problem when we know how much we are owing how much we need that we don't have and these people you know himself and a few people like that believed so much it's easy to believe in me right now but then i struggled believing in myself and was one of such persons that believed in me okay thank you very much and god bless you and many of us may not know but yesterday was pastor kingsley's birthday um so um [Applause] manchester city celebrated by scoring the goal today and giving us three points so we decided to celebrate also just before we round up tonight let's rise and sing happy birthday to pastor kingsley let's exclaim now you need to show that you're not mercenaries now happy birthday happy birthday to you happy birthday to you happy birthday to you on the birthday happy birthday happy birthday and bless you may the good god made a good god made a good god made a good guy one more time say i made a great made a [Music] good bless you and happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday to you [Applause] okay i don't notice you the way he was singing was as if like it's me singing [Music] i'm not a mercenary but i can follow you to your journey i'm just trying to say if you have such dreams i bind it in jesus name amen all right i don't even know where to start from okay we're going to copy pm please how did you do it yes [Music] all right my kick follower so what do we spell tonight another suggestion love all right so give me a very um not locations now lovely like hell um and my mother sent me to school give me a word that starts with hell now a luscious love hello [Music] e hallelujah okay all right um so the last thing i'm going to ask speaker pm to do is to just say a word of prayer over everybody who's been a part of this we have many more people watching online and even people who are in the room all right so father we thank you amen we speak to everyone um participating in this seminar whether physically or online start with a single slot we ask for that spirit of discernment we ask for self-love we ask that they're able to see the value that you have placed in them lord we decree no one here will miss it our steps will be ordered amen you will lead us to find that one you have for us amen you will remove any veils that will be found in the name of jesus i pray for a quick work let there be divine connections lord there are many people here are watching that are trusting you for a miracle this year lord we stand in faith with them today let this year mark the turn around in the name of jesus but i speak to the married couples that are here father i ask for that wisdom that grace that love to make marriage what it was meant to be in the mighty name of jesus i asked for healing in every heart anyone going through a heartbreak going through a tough time going through any traumatic experience lord you are the only one that can heal completely father i speak healing to their hearts in the name of jesus grace to forgive grace to forget grace to let go in the name of jesus father i speak that spirit of commitment that the couples here will be committed to loving each other committed to building covenant homes homes that will glorify the lord in the mighty name of jesus thank you father i speak peace to your home i speak peace to your life i speak peace to your mind in the name of jesus thank you father holy city marriages are blessed [Music] holy city marriages are blessed hill city marriages are blessed in the name of jesus thank you father in jesus mighty name amen amen amen let's celebrate our king's name tonight [Music] thank you very very much come on let's keep celebrating them let's keep celebrating them let's keep celebrating them let's keep celebrating them all right all right um you may be seated for the last time before we round up we have so many materials here from pastor kingsley and pastor mildred and i just want to run over them they're available at the book stand this is all year round for men women it's a fantastic gift you can buy for your husband and the counterpart um is all year round for women all right so men please you can get this for your husband i'll men get it for your wife we have should ladies propose it's a mini book here i love you but my parents say no it's another fantastic book here god told me to marry you these are literally i mean these are issues that people deal with and we have this many books that you can just pick up and um get answers here waiting for isaac it's another book here a to z of marriage is another one here seven questions why is women ask it's another book here seven qualities wise men want all right it's here chill secrets of the virtuous woman by pastor mildred is here when am i ready all right my pastor kingsley is here 25 wrong reasons people enter relationships pastor kingsley is here who should i marry is another fantastic book here and the final one is manuel the way men think i think every lady should get this especially if you know you are not yet in a relationship you should get this so that you understand the way men think now finally don't forget what i said before now first service tomorrow will be the final message in the series um because i believe in the second service we are going to continue secrets of long-lasting relationships and we're going to dedicate a lot of time to answering the questions we couldn't answer here tonight so wherever you are right in the building or joining us online we're going to have a good time here tomorrow first services 8 am second service will start by 10 a.m thank you for being a part of tonight's program would you rise as we share the grace tonight i'm sure you have been blessed all right should we do this again should we do this again when should we do it again next year okay uh we'll think about it all right let's share the grace and fellowship the grace of our lord jesus christ the love of god and the sweet fellowship of the holy spirit be with us now and forevermore amen surely goodness and mercy shall follow us all the days of our lives and we shall dwell in the house of the lord forever and ever amen i look forward to seeing you tomorrow god bless you have a beautiful evening [Applause] [Music] you

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Length: 214min 7sec (12847 seconds)

Published: Sat Jan 30 2021