Sara Shea

please welcome to the stage Sarah shame [Music] thank you thank you everyone Thank You Thor thank you it's a big show I am still actually kind of surprised that I do comedy at all because I actually consider myself a rather shy person and you can imagine what it's been like to have a name that is essentially a tongue twister try saying this is Sara Shay it's hard so I just say hi I'm Sara yeah but uh so I but I decided you know it's important for me to to do the stand-up because I I need to be an advocate you know for other shy people and speak on their behalf because they can't do it for themselves I think I think that the most important thing the number one thing that we would like people to know is that we do not understand this obsession you have with trying to get us to come out of our shells you know come on come out of your shell I really don't understand why everyone doesn't pool their resources and try and get the really loud obnoxious guy back in his shell clearly that is the way you know to make the event better come on guy go back in your shell there's a kind of line in there ya know you can keep the lampshade hat on it's fine of course I would be lost because someone would show up late to the party and you know they didn't get the memo and they'd see him sitting over in the corner subdued and be like hey guy why are you so shy come out of your shell like no no we just got him in there leave him be um everyday things that I think people take for granted are really hard for shy people um like crossing the street nightmare because everyone in their cars is just glaring at you and I know there's some guys sitting there thinking she hadn't hit that walk button I'd be home having dinner by now but um you know you finally work up the nerve and you say you know I have a right to cross the street and so you go and you get about halfway and then what happens you know you get the leg don't walk don't lie um it's very jarring I don't um III don't know why it can't encourage you like come on you're almost there you can make you didn't you made she made it they figured out how to get a hand on there just have it do something nice or like you know getting hit by a car that's also a problem you know because when you're shy it overshadows your reaction to just about everything so normally when someone gets hit by a car they would probably think ow that really hurt and if you're shy people they just think oh no this is embarrassing everybody is staring at me I am the center of a bona fide scene that depending on the circumstances you very well may have caused what Oh an ambulance with the lights and the siren no no that's okay no not necessary and just send them a black Town Car or something usually it's the police and not the victim saying move on there's nothing to see here woman on the ground it's not a big deal I get stressed even trying to go shopping now because everything's just getting way too personal um it used to be the salesperson you know they would let you know their name and now they want your name - hi I'm Melissa what's your name anonymous shopper fine fine it's Sara happy now where Melissa and Sara those aren't generic roles it's not you know salesperson and shopper listen Sara that's like two former college roommates that start a catering business together fine at least done at least that's not happening like when you go out to eat it's still just the waiter giving you his name he doesn't have time to get everyone else's name at the table and I don't want them to get any ideas so to all the people out there that like to introduce themselves back to the waiter I would like you to stop well hi Josh and my name is Matt I'll be your customer today I think um sitting at the table with a menu and maybe a hungry look in your eyes is enough then that is how you can know that you are the customer so I just don't want that to take off I find too that it's it's hard to make friends when your tribe ëcoz I don't think you can ever truly know a person until you go out dancing with them and yet it's really not a good idea to go out dancing with people you don't know because you learn things and it's too late here's a tip if you show up for the night out and all the girls you're with it look like solid gold dancers and you look more like a summer camp counselor [Applause] with some form of khakis and maybe a belt through the loops that's um that's what they're there for you probably don't have enough in common and I promise you you will spend the whole night just plotting your escape from the evening of fun first you know you look for that that one girl in the group that's a little in the middle you know maybe seems a little bit smarter than the other girls and she's just usually the girl with the car and she usually takes off early and that's when you realize oh oh that's why she drove here so she could drive home not only is she smarter than the other girls she's apparently smarter than me but the party girls are never worried like they always have it covered I'm sure someone here can give us a ride home uh one of the strangers why am I the only one that's been given the gift of fear no I I'm not getting in the van I'm calling a cab it's on that cab ride home that you think why didn't I decide to stay home and play Scrabble what is the worst thing I could have happened like I get all one point consonants like a double wordplay when it's not yours it's unfortunate but it's not dangerous there is I think there is one good thing about like the night clubs and that is that they usually have a velvet rope out front you know for the line which I I think that's great because it gives a chance for people of this generation to sort of understand what it may have been like for their grandparents to do their banking that's it that's all I can think of this like and you can get that driving by so stay home game night game nights fun a lot of jobs are I find they're being taken over to by technology more and more and it's kind of sad because you start thinking you know what is gonna be left for people to do and but sometimes it is so fully warranted and you can't believe a job ever existed like I think the elevator operator should not have been shocked when he was let go really don't need someone to help you do that and I just imagine the embarrassment of the building owners the day they got there early and we're like I think I'm going to just try to figure this thing out and um they hit the button and it brought them right to their floor we have been paying to do this Karlsson excuse me Carlson get in here I got here early today and instead of waiting for you like I usually do I decided to just try it myself and it turns out that anyone that can recognize numbers and has a finger and can do this can get there by himself oh I I'm sorry well we're gonna have to let you go I'm sorry about that Carlson had to get a new job I always think it's gonna be fun when I start a new job because I think oh I need new job clothes and it's like when I need back-to-school clothes but um they're not fun like back-to-school clothes and I realize you know I'm not setting the outfits out on my bed the night before and like planning my first five outfits like that's not fun this isn't gonna be fun it's a job you try to make it fun I am I learned something about myself at work when I decided that I would bring in doughnuts for everybody and I was so excited because I thought this is gonna be so great and everyone's gonna be so happy about these doughnuts and everyone's gonna want a doughnut so I'm just gonna email my little department and let them know about the doughnuts and so I did and then nobody came and got a doughnut and um you know I'd go to leave for like 20 minutes and I think oh I bet some more will be gone and there wouldn't be and I know so sad the really the saddest part is I didn't realize how much I was counting on like the visiting and oh you brought Donuts and so then I said okay I'm gonna have to put these in the kitchen I'm gonna have to put them in a more common area and my initial reaction to that was well then no one will know that I brought them and you know what am I supposed to put a sign up like compliments of sarrish a extension three three nine eight if you want to thank me like that's not appropriate so um so as soon as I realized that I I knew I had to bring them there but then something wonderful happened where I realized oh I could be like the Amelie of the office and be like the anonymous angel and no one would know that I brought this joy into their lights and you know I could like peek around the corner and watch people like their faces light up when they saw the donuts and co-workers falling in love because they both reached for the same doughnut a bit [Music] so it's rewarding I'll bring them again if you ever decide to go see a psychologist too dear deal with your fears of public speaking and he tells you that whenever you're around someone that makes you nervous in order for them to seem less intimidating you should just picture them in like wacky pajamas um you should ask him if you make him nervous and if he says yes just leave immediately because that's just a weird you know and and if you go to the next one and he tells you Oh whenever you're around someone nervous just picture them in a clown suit you should ask him if if you make him nervous and if he says yes also leave immediately because I think it's really important for a therapist to take you seriously I want to just take a moment and apologize to men wearing business suits and riding their bikes something has changed and it's nothing you did I don't know when it happened but um I used to see you and think wow despite his high-powered office job he is making Fitness a priority and now when I see you I think he has had his license revoked three about and I'm sorry like you were weaving broke I think that bill collectors should always make one last call to say thank you thank you for finally sending that in I I had my doubts that you ever would I'd like to think in some small way that I maybe played a part in that happening for a long time you weren't sending it in and then I started calling you and then you sent it in I'm gonna miss you I'm gonna miss your voice and the answering machine and yes there's things I take back those Saturday morning calls and the hang-ups I can't change that but I hope you give me another chance and judging by your credit history which I have here in front of me you probably will you know goodbye for now goodbye Belle collector um I spent a good man number of years being single and it's fun absolutely has its place but um one thing that I've always struggled with is sometimes I have trouble relating to other single women because I think that a lot of them are a little bit confused as to why it is that they're single because most of them will have the same lament and they'll say oh all the good guys are either married or living in Alaska and that's just not true there's you know this whole other group of men out there which is skies that aren't interested [Laughter] and they just don't include that and I think it's hurting them my brother and sister and they're both married and I am NOT and that's good good good for them love is good but love and commitment but um you know sometimes would be hard you know just like going home for the holidays because they found that I find that in comparison you start to feel like you're getting treated like a little kid like all the married couples when they're handing out the room assignments they get really good ones like I'm like a bedroom and um and then you just sort of get what's left like oh you're gonna be sharing a room with a little Suzy it's the dining room we laid some sleeping bags out on the floor and she's built a fort so it's gonna be fun but that wasn't so alarming is when I started to feel like I was being treated like an elderly member of my family because my father whenever he would be figuring out the plans you know he would sort of recap and he'd say okay so your sister shall be with his her husband's family and um you know Chris your brother he'll be he'll be with his wife and of course we'll have Sarah and then it seemed like my brother and sister wanted to try to you know help with the burden like Oh dad you had a red Thanksgiving we'll take her for Christmas Oh would you huh I wanted to take the cruise that would be that would be great right dad I think my dad is such a character um you know a lot of times when people make a mistake and then they'll just say oh woops sorry I was wrong and and then like my dad's on these people that he'll try to get just get some kind of credit for what he did what he did do so like he would he would say to me so you still dating Mitch and I would say oh actually dad his name is Mick and he'd say Oh what did I say I said will you you said Mitch I mean well I was close it's not like I called them tom no no it's not like that at all I should not have even corrected you it's only been 2 years yes I have a boyfriend and he's dumb he's great and I'll for a long time I also thought that he was extremely chivalrous because whenever we would go out he would always always always walk over to the passenger side of his car and unlock my door for me uh and then one day we went on a trip and we rented a car and he walked um kind of to the middle and he just went quick quick and then I realized oh maybe I don't have a chivalrous boyfriend so much as one with a really old car maybe that is what it is and I can't deny I mean that's very convenient you know I can't deny the technology and I know he's going to upgrade one day and get an auto lock and I don't know I think I'm gonna need him to ease into it like yes you can click click it open but then I need like a flourish like for you to present it to me and say like my lady here you go because it's just hard to come back from that yeah but maybe you'll get a new car for Christmas because that seems to be something that they want people to get other people and whenever I see those ads where the the people get the new car and they have this surprised look on their face I don't think so much that it's oh I got a car for Christmas as much as like oh he's cleared out the bank account oh no one year there was one of these car dealers they had this ad campaign where they had people tying a string around their finger to remember that the sale was gonna be happening and I don't know what was keeping the people in the ad from remembering the sale because they all appear to be living lives of leisure so they'd be like playing tennis and you'd see the string and sitting by the pool with the string and um I thought what drive someone to just wear a string or on their finger like was the shame of driving last year's model just too much to bear I think what would it take to snap them back into reality like they'd see someone else with a string and try to really like hey so you're you're trying to remember to buy your new car - oh no sometimes I forget to take my insulin I guess I have my priorities good uh well I hope you get a car for Christmas I hope you do um I go to you know modest lengths to try to avoid certain trends that come about you know like the ones that I just think no that's that's not a good idea um I would just be doing that because everyone else is and um I'm starting to find that it really doesn't matter whether I avoid them or not because I find that once enough time goes by people will assume you took part in it simply because you live during that time which is hard you know when I when I have no people in my life that that haven't known me forever and they try to bond by saying like hey what were we doing with our hair in the 80s and I'll say oh well I was I was doing a soft bob some bangs just swept to the side no but um not only is that like a little bit standoffish but um they I don't even think it's believable like why would they believe me you know who would want to admit to that anyway and all I can think is that you know I would need to take a picture of myself every single day and put it in a photo book I labeled proof and then years from now like seven years from now when I meet my new neighbor and she's trying to become friends and she'll say hey what were we thinking back in the zeros when we were um wearing those sweatpants and they would say things like sassy across the back and I think um well no but let's look at my book because I don't remember oh oh I was thinking jeans and a sweater I don't know what you were thinking you are sassy and you don't need a pair of pants to tell you that we can be friends right I just complimented you sassy yeah so I have trouble making friends and um and I'm starting to think trouble keeping them as well um I live in LA and but I'm originally from the East Coast and so a lot of my friends still live back there and I have a good number of relationships that exist primarily on the telephone and that can take its toll lately I get the feeling that even though one of my friends is calling me she doesn't really want to talk to me because she'll call me at home in the middle of the day when clearly I am at work I go to work all day every day Monday through Friday and that really doesn't change um ever from week to week it's sad because her message will sound so since they are like oh hi is just calling to chat I wish you were home well I I wish I was home - you've called that noon on a Tuesday I wish that your phone call was waking me up but once in a while I I will be there and I'll catch the call and she'll admit exactly what she's up to like oh oh I I didn't think you'd be home I was just um I was just gonna leave a message oh okay well go ahead I'll take a message no no I'm home sick today so you'll want to try me out my work number I I know that you have it because you called me there on Saturday I got the message Monday I know it um oh this one time I was gonna go camping and then I remembered I'm afraid of bears so I cancelled the trip and my friends are like Sarah that's that's so silly you know bears are far more afraid of you than you are of them and I thought oh really what if I am eating a giant cheeseburger is the bear still afraid of me or is he going to try to take it and they were like oh no that's that's because they love food and I saw why I love food but you know I'm not going to tackle a bear for his ice cream sundae I know I am the one that is more afraid because I am committed to my fear bears are Vega and they're strong and they won't listen to reason so I'm just curious probably not same in Columbus but has anyone here recently been to see dr. Glenda Jackson no that's fine I have I have I went and apparently she has done away with the cloth gowns you are now getting handed a sheet of paper with some holes cut out for your arms I I think she's taking the time to starch and iron it it's very stiff you can move but it won't move with you and it is very hard to advocate for yourself when you are dressed like that and I'm afraid the next time I go it's just gonna be like a thing of cardboard and with some tabs you know like a paper doll to fold over my shoulder and when I leave they'll just you know like folded the bill onto my wrist purse um and I just you know I want to know we had such a good thing going with the class and and I just I want to know who ruined that for us like who decided that they were going to take off with their cloth gown I really I really want to know so I'm gonna ask you again has anyone here been to see dr. Gondo Jackson you can come up to me after the show if you don't want to admit it in front of everyone um I see a lot of ads on TV about uh Bell boards going after Big Tobacco and letting everyone know you know that cigarettes are unhealthy and dangerous and bad and I think that's Noble I think that's important but I I don't understand why they aren't also going after the other health menace to society which is the makers of q-tips I think it's progress that they have to write on the box do not insert into ear canal it's a step but they know full well that is the only thing anyone is doing with acute Oh I don't know anyone that's ever used one for anything else and they're so sneaky because they've they put this list on the back like this decoy list like oh these are the uses this is why we're selling them like spot removal and makeup application and self defense they're just making things up so they have an excuse to sell them and I think you know if the cigarette people had to write on the box do not smoke these would they still go on the shelves just because they also said for arts and crafts that wouldn't happen wouldn't happen I struggle and um when I go out to eat and out of nowhere the waiter will appear and he'll ask me if I want fresh ground pepper on my entree and I always say yes even if I don't want it because I'm not going to have him thinking that I can't enjoy the finer things in life [Music] but just try telling him that you're not sure yet and can he leave it there oh no oh no he can't do that it's the pepper a controlled substance sir you have to you have to protect me from the pepper oh you know oh you know maybe you don't trust me with the pepper you left me here with a candle you left me here with fire fine that's enough now I have to make that call you're letting me make that call why can't you leave it that's enough um even more stressful than that I find is when you get the waiter that refuses to write anything down he's got it like no matter what you say uh-huh mm-hmm okay so no baked potato you want the mashed uh-huh mm-hmm okay you want the salad instead uh-huh dressing on the side uh-huh I mean how many substitutions do I need to make before he'll take out a pen [Applause] uh-huh okay so you want you want the mashed potatoes flattened out and then you want your name written your name written and Peas okay and that's Marisol two S's got it like there are six of us at this table how are you not forgetting something you know what I did forget something I forgot to tell you the specials we have 28 of them tonight they're brand new they're complex they're fanciful they're all up here from the top order you're gonna recap at the end right yes what about my order um I realized one day that that I'm a paranoid person right it took me awhile because what happened was one day before I was doing a show I had some time to kill so I went and I decided I parked in this grocery store parking lot and I was sitting there for a while I'm just you know going over my notes and then I saw it out of the corner of my eye this cop car pullin and they ended up parking right next to me and I was so sure that someone had called them to report me you know in my loitering that um I quickly flipped to a new page in my notebook and I started furiously scribbling this pretend grocery list so that I could show it to them you know when they came to the car to prove that I was not the woman that someone had called in about that I was there on grocery related business and supposed to be there so I started doing this pretend list and so I was like flour and eggs and milk and butter and and then I looked at the list and I thought that is the most cliched grocery list that I have ever seen he is not gonna believe that is really your list no one just goes and by staples anymore so I started to try to get more specific so I was like um cake mix and chocolate frosting and paper plates and I hit up on a theme and next thing you know I was throwing a birthday party don't believe this you know Campbell is an ice cream and they just ended up going into the store and it wasn't about me but I still I you know I was just so thankful that I wasn't parked at lamp world because you know no one makes a list to shop at a store that only sells one item clearly if you are in the lamp world parking lot you are up to no good [Music] so my favorite chocolates are my Whitman's and they sell this thing called the Whitman sampler and the most wonderful thing about it other than you know it's filled with chocolates is that it comes with this map like you get this candy map and it tells you what each of the items in the box are then it has their shape and everything and I just I can't believe that the other chocolate tears are stonewalling and not getting on board and doing this - they just sell you this thing and you have no idea what it is and they don't care they're just like oh that's the joy of the chocolates and it's not [Music] it's not and I can think of no other industry that would get away with this like if you went to buy a pie and you're like oh could you tell me what's in this pie well how how am I gonna know well you have to buy it well even I don't know what I mind well after you buy it then you can poke it you can poke a small hole in it and then you can see what's in it no no just tell me are there peaches in it well how how am I supposed to know you could take a bite of it well no cuz I don't like peaches oh you don't have to finish it once you realize it's peaches then you just put it back maybe someone else will eat it I mean serious I mean it's so arrogant it's like they're saying they're all good so you don't need to know they're all good and I think they're even responsible for all that propaganda like Oh life is like a box of chocolates you're comparing your product life itself really oh yes life is like a box of chocolates because you never know what you're going to get yes you do yes you do you know a lot of things like if you were to go to college you know you don't walk into the first classroom you see and sit there and suspense about what you're going to be studying for the next year you get a course catalog there's usually an add/drop period life is a series of informed choices and I think the chocolatiers need to get on board enjoy of the chocolate no it's it so enjoy you don't need a surprise you know um I don't know when this started and I don't know who started it but um who's the guy that was like you know what sarcasm just isn't enough I need to put air quotes around the thing I'm saying so that people get it because there's really no other form of punctuation that's taken off in the same manner you know like you never seen anyone like yes we won the game [Music] [Laughter] don't see that so I think people are like okay just that one like you know maybe he was at a party he was like listen up everyone earlier when I said wow I really loved Ellen's homemade cheesecake I don't know that you got it because you know Ellen isn't a good cook and the box was sitting right there so I'm gonna say homemade again but I'm gonna put it in quotations so that you know I'm insulting Ellen and I think they were like whoa that you know okay that caught us off guard but that is it no more so later on that night when some guy was like hey everyone you know I went to the store today and I bought a loaf of bread milk butter Tim what are you doing I'm putting commas in the air so people know I'm giving them a list I think the pauses are enough I think the pauses in the context are enough there's no such thing as a loaf of bread milk butter quit it you are embarrassing me quit it I think the high-five is pretty good you know that's usually pretty good but sometimes I get the feeling that the high-five is really just clapping for lazy people because I think they're just psych you know I think we can both agree that what we've seen here is pretty great but how about instead of both of us putting our hands together over and over we just join forces and each do one some people are totally against the high-five and they'll say like oh I don't I don't do the high-five which is fine you know fine have your policy the problem is that that usually doesn't come up until you try to engage them oh the shoes are on sale oh oh I didn't know okay a question but oh no no I don't ever know I understand you don't do it but mark my words when those people find all of a sudden that they have a baby or a puppy dog in their lives they will abandon their policy because I think that's pretty universal that people want to teach their dogs and very small children to do the high-five so you're gonna have your policy but you will be back I know it dogs make great companions um I think that the bumper sticker is losing some of its power because I think part of its impact used to be wow this person feels so strongly about this topic that there have been willing to devalue the second most important and second most expensive thing that they own they are willing to ruin their paint job over this and I have to take notice and I'm seeing more and more of the bumper sticker just taped to the inside of the window yes I love ice cream but I am NOT honking my horn for it if you will not commit to the topic it needs to stick it on your car one bumper sticker that certainly did get my attention one day uh was this I saw a woman driving and she had a bumper sticker properly you know attached to the vehicle there's no turning back and it said my cocker spaniel is smarter than your honor student and I thought wow that is really sad because riding in the back of her car was a Golden Retriever I felt really bad I mean he's obviously not doing as well and she wasn't bragging about him and there wasn't like an I heart and then a picture of the golden retriever or anything like that he's probably taking him to the pounder for all I know and I just hope that he can't read which probably he can't because honor students usually can and if he's not smarter than that but for those dogs that can read sometimes I wonder if when they're out and about and they see the signs you put up for them when they're lost they're looking for me reward $100 I know they have more money than their I thought they loved me well it's heading home but till that number comes out but you know they wouldn't be happy like that dog if they finally got them way up there like $1,000 damn that much money lying around why am i eating this dog food don't teach your dog to read cuss too much um oh here's something that doesn't really work out when you when you decide you're going to go to the zoo to have fun because sure enough you will be there looking at the animals and realize you're not going to zoo so much as like an amusement park of guilt because you always see a sign next to the animals cage telling you how endangered they are and how it you know it's all your fault because of the the ivory tusk earrings you insist on wearing or I love the logging and you know you don't have hardwood floors at home you know but fine educate the public but I think also put up some positive signs like when an animal is not endangered like hey this chicken sandwich you're eating it's okay there are more than enough chickens and they're so common they're not even an attraction at this zoo so you can feel good about that if you still decide be like oh I know what she said but I I'm gonna go to the zoo and you're like but I just I don't know when to go I have some ideas about when you should not go and I think it's a bad idea to go to the zoo when at any point you could rationalize that the animals in captivity have it better than you so like don't go to the zoo if you're really hungry cuz you'll be glaring at the polar bears like he's just swallowing that fish hole he's not even enjoying it or like if you're really hot he's he has a pool and he's not even using it the bear doesn't know how lucky he is so lucky that's just my advice I don't understand in science fiction movies and books why the aliens are always so much smarter and better than us um you know I think we're pretty great and they're always wearing you know a uniform and marching and we still look like individuals I mean since when is the you know completely bald head the sign of an advanced civilization I think that here can be fun and flattering and almost everyone here that saw Stephen a little bit of theirs is trying really hard to get it back so I don't think it's a bad thing not to mention that they've usually come here because they have run out of food or water or energy you know which we haven't done yet and you know I just I don't understand it like we have time for hobbies we have inflection [Music] and when I contemplate the highway system in this country alone I am amazed just once I would like to see them come here and be humbled by the experience you know like find on the ground someone's photocopy of their March Madness tournament bracket and realize you know we have a lot to learn from these people yes that's right the selection show is on a Sunday and by Wednesday night there are hotels and flights booked for 65 teams mm-hmm because there's a plan that's right so you see we're worth much more to you as consultants for this type of thing than as food I mean oil and green that doesn't even taste good you tried the chicken sandwich those are really good and they sell those at the zoo yeah do that um when I was growing up in Massachusetts there was this mini scandal with some of the local grocery stores because the owners were caught fixing prices and you know like all getting together and deciding okay we won't charge more than this for peaches or we won't do triple coupons and the consumer was paying you know the price the consumer was hurting and I think that something similar has gone on with all the makers of alarm clocks because I think it's too much of a coincidence that they're all doing the nine minutes news what nine minutes like that's the only option I mean I would sometimes like a five minute snooze or I would maybe some days like to be late for work in denominations of 14 and I want that to be my choice like like have a choose your snooze alarm clock I would buy that because an alarm clock should ask you more than one question you know yes what time do you want to get up okay what time do you really want to get out okay and you can tell me what time do you have to get up I love when people stop me on the street and ask me for directions because I feel like I've been selected to be a contestant and an instant game show what the pier yes I know where the pier is okay um I know this okay the pier okay okay where are we right now there's always like some wannabe contestant trying to muscle in on your turn like excuse me you looking for the pier no they asked me okay here we're gonna get you to the pier um cuz you know I work at the pier so like I'm bringing right there I work there uh no employees of the pier ineligible conflict of interest okay the pier you know I never want to admit that I just don't know cuz it's like landing and lose a turn or something like that but they do they figure it out when they start to realize we're gonna get more lost with her directions then just like blindfolding ourselves and looking for it on our own and um so then you know you lost them when you get the yeah it's it's okay it's okay we'll figure it out which really means we're gonna walk over here and ask somebody else I just I never like it's like what the pier why do you want to go to the pier I know where lots of things are what about the science center the science center is fun it's right it's right there remind the other day I got a parking ticket I know right that's what most people's reaction is like when they get a parking ticket they do like a grumpy damn sick and when I see a parking ticket on my car I say thank you Sarah because I really feel that a parking ticket is a gift that I give to myself I mean I can't believe that simply by being willing to pay a little bit more I can park wherever I want wherever I went for however long I want and I feel like I've stumbled onto some sort of VIP lifestyle and I have to admit there is a part of me that really enjoys it I call her VIP Sarah and but she's she's starting to get out of hand she's starting to get me into trouble like the other morning my alarm clock went off and it was time to go move my car like one of the regular people and I was just lying there thinking you know I would give anything not to have to get up right now and VIP Sarah hears this and she's like anything would you give $40 and I thought yes yes I would and and I'm gonna have to in 21 days [Music] hey you guys have been so much fun thank you so much for time to Sarah Chang you

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Views: 37,131

Rating: 4.3571429 out of 5

Keywords: Bananas Comedy, Funny Bone, Clean Comedy, Clean Humor, Bananas, Comedy, Hilarious, Humor, Hysterical, Comic, Laugh, Entertainment, Entertaining, Witty, Clever, Christian, Christian Comedian, Family, Comedian, Amusing, Comical, Laughable, Merry, Joking, Clean Jokes, Crazy, LOL, ROTFLOL, Silly, shy, shy people, crosswalks, bill collectors, family

Id: bQF9D4Zm_SY

Length: 58min 59sec (3539 seconds)

Published: Mon Jan 28 2019