Purpose On Tap | Jeff Foxworthy | 12/4/17

good fly trying to do when oh look at that that is awesome so how are you the I cannot believe that all you guys would show up here tonight to listen to me because I am two decisions from drywalling is if I feel like when I look at a group like this it's like tell us something wise and I think people think I'm smarter than I am because a hosted are you smarter than a 5th grader for six years and and I tell everybody if they didn't give me the card with the answers on it that would have been the shortest show in the history of television I'm not like Alex Trebek I don't know any of that crap we had a lady on one night it was like a second grade grammar question it was something about an antonym and she goes oh I remember there were homonyms and synonyms and antonyms she goes I can't remember the difference in them can you use it in a sentence my aunt name came over for Christmas it is cut it is kind of cool that it's guys I have all girls all daughters I will tell you and I talk about this sometimes on stage I totally believe from living with all girls women are smarter than men and in every night when I say that women start applauding and I'm like yo it ain't that big a deal what I'm saying is you're smarter than a creature that every time it takes off its underwear it tries to pick it up with his toes flip him in the air and catch it with it Sam you're smarter than that but you know I was one of you a little background on me my dad left he he left when I was about eight or nine years old and he ended up being married six times and had about a thousand girlfriends in between so he was a play back before that word existed but Sal was thinking about tonight and thinking all right if I was 25 or 30 years old what would I want somebody telling me that that I should know all right here's what I would have wanted to know I call them the facts of life it's like stuff you can't google you just learn from life like fact of life if you are trying to get to the bathroom in an emergency situation it is not a wise idea to unbutton your pants in transit in the effort to save a couple of seconds because the muscles that guard the floodgates will interpret the unbuttoning as the signal to abandon their post and the two seconds you save on the button are nullified by the hour and a half you spend mopping and doing laundry wish somebody had told me that back to life you can have a wife with long beautiful hair or you can be on time fact of life if your wife hints she might be in the mood your kids will sense it and won't go to bed for three years fact of life the more kids you have the worse your parenting becomes people that only have one child are making homemade baby food out of the organic vegetables they're growing in their own backyard by the time that fourth kid rolls around you're smoking a cigarette while you watch your toddler pull a year old milk dud out from under the stove and pigs a carrot hair all before you put it in your mouth dummy fact of life the Tyrannosaurus Rex was the meanest of all the dinosaurs because his arms were too short to reach his wiener that's a medically proven fact that will make you angry a lot of people back to life flying on an airplane makes you gassy nobody ever talks about this nobody acknowledges this no we just take our little roll around suitcase and walk to baggage claim popping them off like a trail horse see when I wrote that I didn't know if I was the only one that did that or not and every night Mac to life women always have more questions than men have answers to great example of this but 8 or 9 months ago got a text one day the text said please pray for Tom he was in a bad wreck so I go through the house I find my wife I said hey I said just got a text I said please pray for Tom he was in a bad wreck my wife said was he driving I said I don't know I just got a text said please pray for Tom he was in a bad wreck she said we're caroling the kids in the car with him I said I don't know I just got it she said were the people in the other car hurt - I said I don't know I just got texted please pray for Tom pins in a bad wreck she said did they even have the insurance I said I don't know I just got back said please pray for Tom he did a bad wreck she said what hospital did they take them to I said I don't know I just gotta take so please pray for Tom he was in a bad wreck she said you don't know anything what do you know I said I know you need to pray for Tom and just got it back and hold anything back that's all I got but I am I am honored to be here with you tonight you know and I know I mean some of you guys here or involved in a church some of you guys don't go to church some some people have been burned by church some people gave up on church some people don't believe in any of that and all of that's cool if you got burned by a church which which I did very young in life all I can tell you this is you didn't get burned by God you got burned by people that this screw it up Christians are the representatives for what we believe more than anybody else on the plant it's like when I was doing the blue color tour and they got Larry the Cable Guy to be the spokesperson for Nutrisystem true story so it's and they were gonna pay him like this pile of money to lose 50 pounds and he knew he didn't have the willpower to do it but he wanted the money so he hired he hired this trainer to go on the road with us and the trainer was supposed to make sure that he ate right and that he exercised every day and Larry would come in my dressing room and go hey dude I heard there's pizza in the green room can you go talk to my trainer for about 15 minutes and distract them and I'm like you're paying the guy to make sure you eat right and now you want me to distract him so you can go eat pizza but Christians are terrible at that and I struggle with man I love the Lord I struggle so much with it I came to faith when I was seven years old in fact I wanted to walk down the front of church and my mom wouldn't let me I remember my mom holding my shirt she goes you're too little you don't know what you're doing and so I made him call the preacher and the preacher came over the house and talked to me and he went he good and he knows what he do it let him do it but I grew up in a very conservative Southern Baptist Church and I'm real early in life I started struggling because it was don't don't drink don't smoke don't cuss don't dance don't laugh but all about behavior and I wasn't wired that way I was wired like that and I'm like God I got a problem because I love you I can't do this I cannot do this that's not the way I'm wired and it took me a long time in life for it to sink in that you think I ghost wait a minute I made you like this this is boring to me when everybody looks and acts the same way I'm infinitely creative so every person that I made is a masterpiece I don't want you to look and act alike and I'm like oh crap is that free that is really free and if you don't have faith III tell you I do a I teach you a Bible study down at the Atlanta mission for homeless guys every Tuesday morning been doing it for 10 years like my favorite thing in the world stumbled into it didn't know what I was getting into and it was just so free but but every year when we start that thing I always begin with the same Bible story and if you're go to church every week you might be bored and just bear with me on this but this is for the people that don't go every week but but right before they killed him Jesus one of the last parables or stories that he told the disciples was a story it's in Luke 15 I think it's the greatest piece of literature in the world it's about that long but it's the story of the prodigal son so most of you probably heard it but his father had two sons the youngest son goes to him and wants his inheritance which in that Eastern culture meant I wish you were dead you're not dying fast enough for me give me my money I wish you were dead father gives him the money he goes out and probably like all of us he's he's raised in hell he's got him girlfriends he's hooked up he's getting high getting drunk blows all the money now he's a long way from home he's got no money left ends up getting a job where he's feeding pigs and he's any so hungry he wishes he could be eating what the pigs are eating he's like all right I'll swallow my pride and I'll go back because I know the guys that work for my daddy better than I do I'll swallow my pride and go back see if I can work for my dad so said he turns around starts going home and into the story I think this is the Koza party I said while he was still a long way away his father saw him and went running to him or you see somebody that's a long way away you don't do that accidentally you're actively searching for him you're looking on the horizon for and his father runs to him and he gives him the the robe that he gives him the family ring he gives him the sandals puts the sandals on his feet which signifies you're not a servant you're a member of the family and says you know kill the fatted calf my son that wasn't what's dead is now back he's alive and and the older brother who stayed and did everything the father wanted to introduce it's mad at this point he's like hell they're throwing him a party and I've been here every day doing everything he wanted me to do and nobody ever threw me a party so he gets pissed off about that and you know who who was the most upset that the prodigal son came back home maybe by now the fatted calf that's exactly right he went happy about it he's like oh crap he's coming back now so and the father says to the one that to the older son he goes I don't know what your gramma is everything I've got is yours it always has been everything I have is yours but the way and the point of the story is and I think this is what Jesus was telling this to these guys was you can't be bad enough you can't screw up enough to make me love you any less and you can't be good enough you can't behave in such a way that wouldn't make me love you any more I love you with all that I am so the story's called the prodigal son but it's really about the father it's about the love of the Father but I think for guys your age I mean and even for somebody like my age we've all been both of those sons we've screwed up so bad we thought that there's no way God can love me for the bad stuff that I've done and we've tried to behave in such a way and do all the right things and dress the right way and talk the right way and act the right way thinking maybe maybe got to love me more and yeah I think he just laughs at us because I can't love you more if you have kids here you know what I'm talking about you know everybody's got that kid that screws up and everybody's got that kid that does everything right you don't love one more though you just love they're your kids and so if you're if you're seeking faith that's all we ever wanted cuz every one of us in this room is just a little boy I'm still that little boy growing up at the end of the runway in hateful I'm 59 years old and in my mind I can go back and be nine years old that fast still that little boy and that's all we wanted was a daddy that was gonna listen to us a daddy that was going to love us on our good days and our bad days and so what I did and and for my earthly father I know why he acted the way he did because when he was 5 years old his dad it's like the old joke his dad went out for a pack of cigarettes and never came back they found him 20 years later in another state had another family I mean just abandon him so I'm like well hell no wonder my dad was the way he was but but I freed my dad up from being that dad that had to give me all the things that I wanted and I will tell you this if you're if you're a husband out here and you're thinking about leaving or anything no matter what you tell your kids when a parent leaves you no matter what that parent says in your mind because this was me you think I wasn't worth staying for I felt that for so many years and even though I'm a funny guy love the fact God let me be a funny guy underneath I mean that far under the surface there was this anger or this insecurity that man I wasn't worth sticking around for so if you're thinking about leaving a man think think that over because as a kid that lived through it it hurts and it's so much about what your value is and I and I made myself notes because I usually don't so here's the thing with faith and I think going back to what I said about Christians being such a bad marketers of this I think a lot of guys that don't know what the Bible is all about you think that it's that it's a book about rules and it's not and in fact that was kind of what made Jesus so unique you know the only people that ever got sideways with Jesus were the religious leaders the Pharisees and they were always trying to trip him up cuz they were all about laws man they had 660 something of them all of their laws and they said to him one day okay all the law was which one is the most Gordan because first one is to love God with all your heart soul mind second one is loving your neighbor as yourself everything else hangs from that you're like man you you kidding me out of all the laws that's what it is just love God love other people that's kind of free and in it and you have a dad this going to love you when you behave right and when you behave wrong if you just love him and seek Him you know talks about get guts as David was a man after his own heart me go read the story of David David screwed up more than Ron white I mean okay not more than Ron but a lot I mean David did some horrible stuff David's watching a girl take a bath decides he wants her and has her husband killed so he can be with this woman and God goes that's a man after my own heart but here's what David did he screwed up a ton but every time he got back up he got back up walking towards you God and so I think that's what God wants from us and so instead of like a book of rules if you think about the ten commandments I mean in the and the reason God wrote them was to prove we can't do this on our own but it's but it's wisdom it's it's like don't covet what your neighbor has don't covet your neighbor's wife well the reason he's saying this is because if you start looking at your neighbor's wife and then you go have an affair with her you're gonna bust your marriage up and you're gonna break that trust with your kids and then ain't good for you that ain't the way to live don't steal because you're gonna end up being arrested you're gonna be in jail you your family's gonna have to take care of themselves I mean it's its wisdom its wisdom so be and he knew we couldn't follow all the rules which was why I had to give us a savior and that's where Jesus comes into the story is God going I hang on no you can't do this no matter how much you want to try to do it and then that's the cry in my heart I want to try to do it then I'll be driving through my neighborhood and some hottie comes jogging the other way and I'm and in the sideview mirror going crap I don't want to be like that but I am and he goes I know you are I made you and and I still love you but you but you do need a Savior and so and and that's what the whole Jesus thing is about it is because as guys we all want to be significant man that's the thing that drives us we want to be significant with our buddies we want to be significant in our little circles significant to our wives and to our kids that's what we want we're guys we got to have that pat on the back all the time and then Jesus God said hey you're not just worth something to me you're worth everything to me I'm gonna let them nail my son go across to pay for all the bad thoughts you have and all the crappy things you've done I'm gonna pay for you right here with this because because I am about justice that's who I am and so when I think about the day that I got to stand before God one day and they start rolling down the story of the haughty to drive and pass my rearview it it's like did you look at her in the sideview mirror yes I did my defense attorney stands up with a hole in his hand ago I already paid for that every charge that read against me already paid for that and you talk about free see that's where Christianity starts smelling like perfume when it's not based upon my performance it's a based upon a dad that loves me so much that he's already paid for me that way and it's guys I was doing an interview but two years ago and the lady said are you do stand-up comedy you write books your host game shows which one are you and I thought about it for a minute and I went well those are all things that I do and I love what I do I would never want to get a real job I love being a comedian being creative and writing and things like that but that's what I do Who I am is I'm a child of God and I'm a husband and I'm a dad and I'm a brother and I'm a son and I'm a person within this humidity that's who I am so what I do is probably gonna change a lot in my lifetime but Who I am stays the same you know and I love that the name of this thing purpose on tap because as a comedian when I sit down to write jokes I just think what do we have in common what do we have in common well as guys I mean I think that's what we have in common is a big one of us like why am I here what is the reason that I'm here now the Bible tells you that your here is to glorify God and when I was young I was like what does that mean just all day long just praising God it's not you glorified God with what you do with this life and you don't have but one and I'm telling you it goes fast any of these older guys will tell you it goes fast a minute ago I was your age a minute ago I can in my mind I could still smell what shoulder-pads smell like you know that locker room stink that sweat stink I smell it a minute ago I was playing high school football I'm 59 years old I'm like how the heck did that happen but when you go back to where we're at now you're like why am I here what is my purpose I don't tell you this you don't get a practice lap you don't get to go around the track a couple of times and figure out what it's about and go okay this time I'm gonna do it right you got one lap and so you got to make it count and it's like I used to tell my kids growing up don't don't make them don't make the big mistakes and for guys the big mistakes or spending more time on your job than you do with your with your family having affairs you know it's big mistakes don't usually happy you don't usually make a 90-degree turn right off the road you make little turns you like the way somebody smells or the way somebody looks and you start flirting with them in the office and then you agree to go have lunch together just the two it that's how that happens when we were doing the blue collar tour they used to laugh at me because if it is the end of the night we get through the show we go back to the hotel well they always you know you got Ron with you they're going to the bar come on just one beer and and I got no problem with beer I think this is very cool that they do this but here's what I know about myself I know what I came from I know I like boobs I can't help it I think they're really pretty but I knew what I came from and I knew if I went in there and I had one beer and we're laughing and cutting up and one beer turned into two beers and two beers turned into five beers and then somebody would boobs sat down next to me I knew what I was capable of doing so one that I was better than them I knew what I was capable of doing and I thought I knew what it felt like as a kid to have a dad that cheated on my mom and ended up leaving early and I thought I don't want to do that to my kids so what I'm gonna do is try to be wise and I'm not going to put myself in that situation I'm gonna go back to my room I'll order room service and don't call my wife a my goody-goody no I'm just trying to be wise I always say wisdom is knowledge plus scars you know you learn a lot of this stuff the hard way so be wise and have a purpose like I was trying to think if I could tell you anything and it's the hardest lesson in life to learn for a guy let go as guys we want to be in control and the truth of the matter is you're not in control of anything you're not in control of your necks and breath you're not in control of the way other people think or feel or act you're not in control in the sooner that that sinks into you then life starts starts being free it's like dropping a hundred pound bag of sand off your shoulders you know when I was running through that pissed off period if somebody would cut me off in traffic man I'd be that far off their bumper and I'm giving them the the you know the solut screaming and yell and then and I don't know what happened but at some point my life they cut in I'm like whatever good you get there 15 seconds before I do it was freeing and I thought man that did the benefit of this is for me I'd let somebody cut me off in traffic jack up my whole warning now I'm gonna let go and when I was young I used to I used to be frustrated by the mystery of God it's like okay if I'm not in control and he's in control that frustrates me I I want to know the answer to everything but knowing that answered everything think about if you're driving and you're out in the desert and that road has just stretched out a hundred miles in front of you and you can see everything for a hundred miles and it's just flat in that boring in that boring and gods every morning and here's one of the coolest gift God gives us is days because he's not bound by time he doesn't need time but we are and so when we screw it up every 24 hours we get a new shot at it I think that is just like one of the coolest gifts or something I really jacked it up yesterday but today I got another shot at it and I can get it write it so I just embrace the mystery or whatever today's got going on and it's instead of being a long flat straight road there's hills and there's curves and on its and it's almost like him whisper and it's going if this next part it's going to be cool you're gonna love this next part what are we doing I don't know just hold on you'll see it's free man and that frees you up to do what we were created to do to glorify God to love on other people so I don't have to have the answer to everything I don't have to know how this is going to end up I'm like he's like hey if I love you enough to let them spit in my son's face and nail him on the cross for you don't you think that I love you enough that I'm gonna follow you all the way down this road and I trust him with that yeah but what about my neck I got this bad bird racing people always talk about hearing God talk to them you know what God says to me with 95% of the time [Music] shh-shh I got it I got it so as guys part of that purpose is don't just be here be valuable be valuable be that dad and everybody in here every guy in here has some person and you can think of them it might have been your granddad or it might have been your uncle or it might have been somebody that lived in your neighborhood but you know a man that was a difference maker you know a guy may not have been rich most of the time they're not you know I was fortunate enough I grew up in hate ville down by the airport where the first dwarf house was and my whole life truett Cathy the guy that found a chick-fil-a I knew mr. Cathy my whole life when we were little kids hate will was kind of the wrong side of the tracks every time mr. Cathy see reaching this bug and give me a ticket to get a free chick-fil-a and it was like gold Oh free chick-fil-a I hosted his 90th birthday party and he pulled me over to the side he goes I appreciate you doing this he reached in his pocket mr. Cathy on bow why now as but this was in the days when there was one chick-fil-a and my mother used to tell me she said people have no idea what that family does now this is when they only had one store she said you'd be shocked to know how many people mr. and mrs. Cathy had put through college kids that couldn't afford to go to college and I'm like really from that one little store well you know chic-fil-a now I mean they've given away hundreds of millions of dollars just just crazy but that stuck with me as a little kid and man the way I grew up I didn't think I'd ever be able to put my own kids through college but when I had extra money I followed his lead and I put kids through college that couldn't go to college because of this example of this one minute so be valuable be valuable in your family be that kind of dad that other kids go man I wish I wish I had your dad and I can tell you as having a dad that was gone their argument is well they want quality time so - my dad quality time was to come into town and take us to Six Flags it's like the redneck you know Magic Kingdom it really was the kids don't want quality time see I would have sacrificed going to Six Flags just to have a dad that was there every night here's don't want quality time kids would kids want quantity they want that consistency be that dad be that husband I didn't know from my dad that it was possible to love a woman longer than two weeks I've been married for 33 years this year all those years on the road I had eight years and rode it 500 shows a year never being home I know you're going there's 365 days in a year but that was like a lot of fridays and saturdays 2 or 3 different places I never cheated on my wife and part of the blushing of it was I got to see the damage that happens when somebody did that so you know that's how I learned it but be valuable be valuable in your community and that's and that's all Jesus was telling the Pharisees and where they go what about the law because love God and love on other people love on people in your community that's what I do at the mission I don't have all the answers I just care about these guys you know I never I was always doing stuff with kids with cancer and if I saw somebody homeless I'd give them five bucks to go away leave my car see how I'm doing on time so the first guy invited me to come down and have lunch at the missions in the middle of downtown Atlanta first person that I met that lived in the mission 21 year old white kid named Jason and you know what my first thought was I'm like you lazy bum go get a job you're 21 years old you jackass what the hell are you doing sponging off of other people down here that was my thought we're sitting there at the lunch table my buddy that invited me down there he said Jason tell him your story and Jason said well he said it was me and my dad and mom and my brother he said when I was 11 years old my mom killed herself he said in the next year my brother killed himself then it was just me and my dad and my second year of college my dad killed himself he said I just got tired of hurting so I started getting drunk and then I started getting high flunked out of college ended up with a crack habit on the street Ennis I'm sitting there with him I went crap I would have started going getting high - oh crap I could have been Jason I just didn't have these circumstances and so all of a sudden people that were throwaways when they have a name and a story they're not a throwaway anymore and what I learned through the years at the mission is almost every single person on the streets something bad something bad happened to them in life and they couldn't deal with the pain so they started getting drunk or they started getting high and when you get drunk and you get how you can't pay your rent so you start stealing from your family because you don't have any money and your family wants nothing to do with it that's how you end up on the street and so what I've learned through the years down there man you can just love on them if you can ever go back and address that her and just say hey this thing that you needed this hurt that you've got this way that you wanted to be loved you you have it you just don't know you have it because you have it in the within the dad of that Luke 15 story you already have it's like having a billion dollars in the bank never writing a check on it you got it and if that can ever sink in people get restored people get restored let me see anything else like the dad in the story I would encourage you to ring grace on people just in it because I think that's what God does with me as I just imagine that grace that's like sitting under a waterfall and it's not even cold it's warm and that's what he reigns over he just cleans me off with that grace for all my good intentions I screw it up so much and he just rains so we'll do that with other people if he's supposed to be an example of how we lived rain grace on people forgive people let it go let it go be an encourager doesn't cost you a dime be that guy that every time you walk in the room or everybody you meet you're saying something encouraging to them that's free but mister Cathy used to say when I was a kid he said you know how to tell when somebody needs encouragement no sir I guess when they're breathing we all need encouragement but help it's almost like being Santa Claus if you could just walk around dishing bed out to people telling people good job or you look nice today or man I appreciate you doing that I try to do it I read a thing one time called the shadow people it's like the checkout person or the people that you just kind of walk by without even noticing I try to just be an encourage or to them so I think that's most of what what I got but but I wanted to do it with enough time because I know I got a weird job I got a weird a weird life but to open it up to questions and I'll I'll be honest with you I'll tell you whatever in the back yes sir you know it's the question if you couldn't hear how did not having a father influence my parenting stuff you know when my career really started taking off and and it kind of I mean it went beyond anything that I ever thought but I would I would lease a private plane I would fly out a PDK but I would fly home every night so say on Friday night if I had a show in Kansas City I fly out there and I'd do the show do all the meet and greets sign all the stuff before the show and since I walk offstage I'd go out the back door and I'd get on that plane and I'd fly home land at 2:00 2:30 in the morning and I get up and ID there take my kids to school if it was a school day or I'd go to their soccer game or basketball or whatever the season was because of what happened to me I always wanted my kids to know that they were the priority they were worth everything to me and then that afternoon I go to their soccer game we're taking to school whatever then I go back at 4 o'clock and I get on the plane again and I fly to Minneapolis and do a show there and fly back home you know and I did that for about 15 years but you know you you either when you come from something I think you either end up like it or you end up 180 to it and so for me I mean it was it taught me that the thing that I needed to do for my kids was the exact opposite of what my dad did for me so so I'll get you did yes he beat you but like I mean like that so close various suits that's wrinkly it always kind of gotta be on sort of the roll and I feel like a lot of guys here also always have to come yeah they have Tiana's learn ways have you ever first off on to to quality people you know whether it's a good question about being on I mean because I think as guys we create it's very hard for us to be authentic because we create this work guy and this hangout guy I mean for me one of the things I learned about myself it's like in the mid 90s I had a sitcom and we filmed between Seinfeld and Roseanne and at the time Roseanne would they were they were either number one and number two sometimes it was Seinfeld sometimes it was Roseanne but at the time Roseanne was making a million dollars in episode which was a million dollars every five days and the world will tell you world lies to you about everything world will tell you hey fame and money are the things that are gonna make you happy well here was a woman that had the number one TV show and was making a million dollars every five days and she was absolutely miserable in the parking lots throwing things that people screaming at people getting mad and going home and so for me I was like whoa the world lied to me the world and I'm so glad I got to see this and I thought you know what I'm not gonna live there I didn't I didn't like doing a sitcom but it's so when they in NBC invited just not to return for the fall schedule it was kind of freeing to me because I knew where I could be more authentic and I didn't have to be that pretend guy so I'm moving my family back here I was like I like being a comic because I can say what I want to say in the way I want to say it not have to read somebody else's words but I think it's real important and I would tell you guys this one of the coolest things that happened to me and I never I used to poopoo it and I thought it was a bad idea because it's real cool in a big group like this but I got involved when I moved back to Atlanta in 1997 in a small group and it was just I it's life changing guys find a group ten guys you like Tinka and I've been in the same small group we meet on Thursday morning and a barbecue backup a barbecue joint we have breakfast but we've been meeting there for 20 years so we've raised each other's kids we buried each other's parents we've gone to each other's kids weddings we've done life together but the cool thing is in that way to be authentic is you know somebody might have prepared a lesson on a Bible verse and then a guy walks in and he's like man my son is driving me crazy it's like all right let's close the lesson let's talk about this you're not less of a man because your son's driving you crazy my daughter drives me crazy or my son drives me crazy so you know it's fine in those places where you can just be real and you don't have to fake it and and it's you know I think that I did a couple of weeks ago when I was teaching at the mission it talks about several times in the Bible where Jesus talks about wanting to be our friend so you think about the people that are really your friends you don't have to pretend when you're really with your friends you can be with your friends and you can just hang out and you don't have to accomplish anything you don't have to act like nothing has to get done they just like you for the way they are they they know your warts they know your bad habits and they and so you think wait a minute so the creator the universe just wants to be my friend loves me the way I am warts all find a small group find 10 guys find one day a week meet for an hour and a half and just do life together because there's guys which we try we isolate and we think I got to fix everything guess what there's a lot of times I had no idea how to fix it I didn't know how to fix it I know how to fix dealing with you know having a father-in-law that that was sick and had no money and I'm like out here busting my hump trying to feed my family and now I've got to take care of somebody else's that's that's what a small group is don't do life by yourself we weren't intended to do life ourselves I was reading a study the other day they were saying people that smoke and drink but have a group of friends live longer than people that don't smoke don't drink in and run ten miles a day that are isolated we need it man we need other people around us yes sir you're too close you know your life and you would never sit there in a comedy club that's like the vulnerable spot so so where were you in life when you're 27 and what do you know now that you wish you do that huh when I was 27 I had just well when I was 20 I got married there's like an idiot I should you know what it this story I was I was working at IBM and and one of the guys that I work next to was dating this girl that was really good-looking and and but he would tell me stories about how she chased him around the parking lot with a butcher knife and on and they broke up and then I was like dude do you care if I go out with it that's a guy for you right and he's like you remember when I told you about the knife and I'm like yeah but she's hot I'm married her and a year later I was divorced when I was 20 years old and I thought that I ain't getting married again and I thought oh hell I'm gonna be my dad all over again and I was working for IBM they transferred me to Sarasota Florida and I worked down there for about four years then I just come back and I was the funny guy at work I was the guy that was always doing impersonations of the boss and the break room then somebody go to the bosses right there you know and a bunch of guys I work with entered me in a contest at the punchline when it used to be out there on Roswell Road on Hildebrand and it wasn't not like an amateur night it was for working comedians and I'm like I've never been on stage so went watch one week and okay that's how you do it and so I went on the route material about my family went back the next week I won the contest I had no idea what I was doing won the contest and this girl came up to me that was an actress that was had just done a TV thing with one of the other comedians and they were there rooting for him and she came up to tell me how much she enjoyed what I did and I turned around and I spilled my water right down the front of her that was my wife so I met my job and my wife same night yeah that was pretty cool so I she was the only person I was always creative I went to Georgia Tech I shouldn't have I just had no money and I had to go to the closest school to home but I wasn't in didn't have that mind of an engineer I was a storyteller I wrote and things I should have gone you know I've done that and and so I was frustrated I had a good job but and it what you know if God created all of us that wasn't the thing he created me to do and so my wife was the only person telling me you got all this stuff bottled up in you if you don't do something creative you're gonna lose your mind so I quit my job at IBM which was kraid nobody does that you know I still remember we're sitting in my mom's kitchen and my mom looking at me and my mom said are you on the dope not the dope whatever the dope was and I'm like no ma'am I just I want to be a comic I think I could do it and and she's like we can get you help five years later I was on Johnny Carson st. Mama's going you know you wasted all those years at IBM but I went back from so you're asking when I was 27 years old I found the little pocket calendar because he used to write every day down and what I got paid for it so it 20-7 I did 406 shows and I made eight thousand three hundred dollars and it's and we somehow lived on that for the year eight thousand three hundred says she married me for the money as obvious and we were happiest clamps we had no money but you know and I didn't ever think that I would make it I just knew I liked doing this and the fact you know most comics only get to do it for a few years and then most people get into constand up because it's a way to get into TV or movies and then when they do TV or movies they don't do stand-up anymore I just always loved standup my goal was to be on Johnny Carson that's all I wanted to do I remember the first time I was on Johnny coming home laying in the bed going hell I have no plan that was that was a good catch did you see that yes sir okay well see if you can pull it off as cheap as we did when I won the contest of the punch line the prize for it was two two tickets to New York airline tickets to perform at catch a rising star so we go up there and so we decide to get married while we're in New York and she had been married for less than a year when she was 20 just like me and we were like I'm we in doing the wedding things so we went down to City Hall got a marriage license and we were just gonna have the justice of the peace of Marius and we're standing in line for the justice of the peace and the girl in front of us her water broke right there on the floor and I was like aah I'm like I can't do this way before cellphone so we go down the street to the phone booth and I'm looking for justice of the peace and the yellow pages and I couldn't find it so I started going through churches and I called this church and the guy answers and I said yeah how much to marry somebody he said 300 bucks I said didn't we don't have 300 bucks I said why is it so much he said well it's 100 for me and it's 200 for the chapel I said well neither Chapel will do it in the hall and he started laughing and he and he said you know what I'm across from the the garden at Central Park he said if you all take a cab up here I'll walk across the street and marry you so we got up there and then I realized we didn't have a witness because you got to have a witness to do and and there was this guy that was sweeping in the park and I went over I said I'll give you 20 bucks if you'll come be the witness for us getting married and so for a hundred bucks we got married and are we have two wedding photos they're both Polaroids in it's it's me the minister my wife and Andre with with this arm around my wife and a broom and the other hand so that was you can do it for under 120 bucks good luck to you so and we used to lab because I thought that Minister was going they're not gonna last a week this is not gonna last a week and so for 20 something years they passed away about a decade ago my wife would write him a letter every Christmas we're still married we get kids you know anybody else yes sir funniest comedian I've ever met Ron why now Ron it is people who want us to do the blue-collar to her again we can't do it because Ron so dirty when he's by himself he'll tell you that I'm all the time I'm like Ron I said come on let's do it I can't write 30 minutes a clean material I said you can you've done it before okay I'm too lazy to write 30 minutes ago but Ron White it's to this day the deep funniest in there and I've known a lot of funny people but rottens it's like that story I don't know how many people saw the Blue Collar Comedy Tour of him getting thrown out of the bar in New York City we're literally like sitting in a Denny's one night and he's like did I ever tell you about the time I got thrown out of a bar and he's just telling the story about his life and we're beating the table gourd you've got to tell this on stage so yeah he's he's one of the funnies Chris rocks really funny Seinfeld Seinfeld was always Seinfeld would read I would sit down and like I told you I this is the way I write comedy is I just assumed if I think it or my wife says it or my family does it that other people are thinking or saying or doing the same thing that's kind of how I write in fact one of the the facts of life thing that I was doing up front one of the craziest jokes in there is is a fact of life out of all of the serials Captain Crunch it's the most time intensive here's what I'm talking about you eat it too soon after you pour the milk on and you will rip the roof of your mouth to shreds you wait too long after you pour the milk on and the captain will put a film on your teeth a wire brush can't get rid of I don't even know why that's funny but everybody in here has waited too long on the Captain Crunch it went oh that's nasty and that's all comedy is to me it's like I've had that thought so maybe somebody else says yes sir yeah I think I think God you know it says we've got creators in His image and so I think God's got a great sense of humor I think as Christians we think we get so uptight that that we get scared to laugh at things but you think about you are you a parent you know when your kids are laughing as a dad done that just fill your heart it's yeah I love it when my kids just sit there and laugh it just makes me happy so yeah I think God's got a great sense of humor I think Jesus said I think Jesus would look at us and go y'all take this way too seriously just you know trusting me and it's like trusting in him it's like betting on a ball game that you saw yesterday you know if you had to bet on the on the SEC Championship today you'd be pretty confident about yo know about them no baby [Applause] I paid for an Auburn scholarship by the way so my youngest one went to Auburn but that's wiggle wiggle or Domingo right but that's but that's what faith is to me is I already know where I'm going you know this is the struggle is the struggles down here every day but I'll rabbi I know who wins the game I win I don't win in the end so I'm go through this struggle so that's the that's the beauty of faith man and I don't know how people live without that because if you don't have faith this is all pointless it's it's just pointless why be kind to people while other people doesn't matter you know what the best part is is it's like for Christianity that they're just real they're authentic because I think like when we're in church on Sunday it's like you were talking about finding that real way we pretend we put on our good clothes and we pretend like we got it all going on and I got my I got my relationship handled I got my job animal I got it all figured out and hit the mission and somebody will look at you and go hey I stole my grandmother's life savings to buy crack you're like well guess what the cross covers that - they're real with you so it's the the BS is out of the way they're not pretending anymore and that's what we really want you know that's what that's what you want out of your faith you want it to be real I hate people that act like they got it all going on and they don't mess up and they don't have bad thoughts sure you do but I got a God that loves me even though I have all of that yes sir green shirt baby here's my faith conflicted well yeah I mean it's not real popular in LA to be the Christian guy you know but and you know the weird part is you would think that people that wouldn't like me because of it I don't stand on a you know if I'm working on the TV show or whatever I don't preach to people I just like try to be kind to people and nice to people and and and so you know I don't know three or four times during the course of doing fifth grader a lighting guy or a sound guy or somebody would come over and go you're different Wow why do you handle things different than everybody else I'm like well if you really want to know I'll sit we'll have lunch I'll tell you but yeah I mean it's you know to me so much of show business it's not real I mean it's it even stand-up comedy is not real if I do it right it looks like hey I just thought this up it's this funny but I've spent hours and days and weeks working on this and honing it down to the right word Jay Leno told me in 1984 when I when I first went on stage he goes she goes should be two right one new minute a week one new minute a week for a comic and I thought are you crazy I can write 30 minutes a week but he was right even in those years when I was doing 500 shows on my best years I could write a new hour of material something that was going to make people laugh every time you said it and so when I do my job right it's no different than David Copperfield making you think that he made the car disappear I'm making you think hey I just thought of this but it's not real none of it is it is real and so that's why I live here that's why I always just wanted to have a regular life that's why I'm here yeah yeah what well you know being Jesus talked a lot about that you know at the Last Supper he was the one he was the one that got down on his knees and washed everybody's feet you imagine how nasty feet were where everybody had sandals and walked into the dyes but but again it's kind of like the tank commander it's for our benefit when you think about the people you admire the most in your life I guarantee you not one of them as a self-centered person when you think about the people you admire the most whoever that is in your mind there I bet you there another centered person so you know all Jesus did was lead by example on that and so when I you know my thought when I went down there to lead at the mission I thought Oh Jeff aren't you cool and aren't you good and you're gonna go give your time to help the less fortunate I was the one I was the one that got the most out of it not them me so again you know that's that little secret everything the world tells you if you flip it upside down because the good you know it's like the Mercedes Ben covers the best are nothing really or nothing what if I got a Corolla I got to get into work dude you know but that's what the world tells you do you know the best or nothing but bacon baked but but Jesus whispers now it's kind of the other way around you don't have to be the best the first shall be last go go serve and you're gonna find out how rich and fool that and Jesus talked about that about living life to the full and I always wonder what does that mean to the full and that was it it's like men get all of it get all of it learn what it feels like to love on people and learn what it's like to have people love you back you know one of the things can we talk about this a lot at the mission when Jesus went to talk to people he would always say repent well my whole life you know what I thought were apparent what was I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry you know what repent actually means change the way you think change the way you think it ain't all about you let it go if you're living like it's all about you you're gonna have one miserable lap around the track I'm gonna tell you that yes sir yeah okay [Music] yet one of the lower moments yeah you know I'm lucky as a comic because I think the guy I am on stages is real close to the guy that I am offstage you know it's not like pee-wee Herman having to put on the makeup and do this and you know because my dad left early it's like I have a brother that's like almost 6 years younger than me and I have a younger sister I it's so like at the age of 10 I kind of became like a dad I mean he's my brother but I'm also like his dad and I had to take care of my mom so from a very young age I was a caretaker I was a caretaker and I always did my business in it's show business everybody likes the show part of it but but like when you're on the road doing comedy clubs they put you up in a like a hotel or a comedy condo and and so most of the guys that I work with we're getting drunk or high every night and chasing waitresses and that's what they didn't there was a lot of funny people that went by the wayside but I would go back and I would ride and I would you know I did it's like okay I got to do the Biff I'm gonna get good at this I got to do the business it's always had a good worth a work ethic and and in that I always even when I was having success I was taking care of people I was taking care of my in-laws I was taking care of my mom I was taking care of my special needs uncle in and about three years ago I had to disc blowout in my neck and and it's like I lost all the feeling in my in my left arm I was in horrible pain I ended up having neck fusion I spent six months in a recliner couldn't couldn't sleep in a bed lost 20-something pounds and and so I got really depressed because I thought is this gonna be the rest of my life you know that's the the guy that is always going and always it and and I went to talk to a Christian counselor about it I'm like dude I'm depressed and he's you know he said well tell me your story and I gotta tell my story and he said well here's the thing he said you've this is your identity your whole life your identity it's been the guy that is dependable the guy that's gonna fly home and take his kids to school the guy that's gonna take care of his mom and in in your caretaker you he said you want you your whole identity was taking care of everybody and now you can't take care of yourself and now you're not one bit dependable because my wife would say at noon hey can we go to lunch with so I mean to dinner we're so and so and I said sure and by four o'clock that afternoon my arm might you know I'm in tons of pain and I'm like I can't leave the house I can't go so it's totally undependable and so it really for me in that low it I would I don't want to go through that again because I don't know anybody been through like serious pain it's sucks it'll make you crazy but spiritually it was like one of the coolest at coasting me because it was almost like God going look you've created again this identity this this outer image that that's who you think you are the caretaker and the dependable guy but you're not so it's okay to be the caretaker and it's okay not to be the caretaker it's okay to be dependable it's okay because I don't love you any less I just love you I just love you I just love you so you don't have to be identified by that just be identified as being my kid so spiritually it was I mean physically it was a suck time spiritually it was an awesome time because it was kind of like redefining who I was I talked too long didn't I apologize here alright guys so a few weeks ago we were talking to Jeff on the phone having a conference call we were we knew about is passionate for the Atlanta mission and so we we thought we had to give him something we knew you're going down there tomorrow morning right now 5 a.m. chick-fil-a no I wait on chick-fil-a to open because of through the about 50 chicken biscuits every Tuesday morning and unlike the low poor kid with his cooler outside it waiting on him to unlock the door so we were asking can we give give you you know Target Gift cards what can we do for you for British man and he goes this is prospective right he goes those guys need socks and towels which so we went to the Walmart and Chamblee and talk to manager and he gave us he let us buy 550 pairs of reinforced drivin socks that are made to be worn for a reset time and 200 towels at Walmart Walmart's cost so we could buy more and because we've always wanted to make a big check our our photographer goody and daughter we we made us made a check [Applause] we appreciate your words man in living life in community like you said and leaning on other guys is how what we're trying to do here and you you spoke right to us and thank you very much you're welcome brother thanks for day [Applause] [Applause]

Channel: PURPOSE ON TAP

Views: 416,549

Rating: 4.7113023 out of 5

Keywords: Jeff Foxworthy, Purpose On Tap, calder justice

Id: nf1K6uP6s0I

Length: 64min 24sec (3864 seconds)

Published: Sun Dec 10 2017