r/Tinder | 👀👀👀

not sure this is the best opening line but i mean it is a sincere compliment you kind of remind me of dwight schrute i've got to admit that does hurt my feelings a little bit fortunately my feelings regenerate at twice the speed of a normal man's oh when you see it so easily [Music] hello you welcome back to mk now before we get started into the mimi's just wanted to let you guys know that mk finally has merch just freaking look at this high quality stuff this poster is available now and just like those two characters in that fanfic you're reading it is shipping right now only available in limited quantities of course so grab them while you can simply check out mkshop.com link in the description below now back to the memes what do you do for work i'm in the air force oh what's that it it's an air conditioning company roses are red violets are blue how do they get lucky and match up with you daisies are white tulips of pink maybe someday i could buy you a drink you're so sweet i would love that i'm gonna have to tell you that it's gonna have to be a soda because i can't go into a bar sadly wait what i i'm sorry are you underage ah damn i forgot that you're still so young a soda works though i think soda usually goes good with dinner too so now it's also dinner it only seems natural might be weird if we went somewhere and i just bought you a soda fair enough i would love to go to dinner with you here's my phone number you know it's just dawned on me that uh not every other place out there lets you go to a bar from the age of 18. some places you legally have to be 21. i feel very ignorant as an australian you look like a baller daddy hands down the best compliment i've ever received what are you up to this weekend then prove it my venmo is at a moment later did you get it funny not as funny as begging strangers for money on bumble okay but what did you send though i need answers also gentlemen i know a lot of women are gonna hate me for saying this but can we stop just throwing money at women to get to their affection and approval this do you what you're feeding this five foot eight huh no should come out to 70 inches which is five foot ten oh maybe google is just wrong that one's on me and google i suppose oh no worries though you've quickly shown me your character and now i have no interest in talking to you smiley face kudos to you for being respectfully rejecting lies a 2t1 tell us about yourself lozei went to a party dressed as an egg and got with a guy who was dressed as a chicken a lifelong question was answered that night it was the chicken i'm telling you it was my first time i didn't know i had a thing for eggs until now okay it was a real awakening for me uh what are the chances of you being a bot 100 i know for sure a bot would give me her number and go for a coffee with me ah oh my god that was good too good and sweet i want to keep playing as a robot but god damn it that means i actually have to date him ah it's not fun to role play if you actually enjoy it and presenting our statistical findings on the dick picket's pie chart as you can see our supply is currently oversucked so the point where the demands literally does not exist gentlemen it is clear from this data that we can in fact confirm that you know what send one more maybe it was just the angle hey you're a computer science major right can you help me with this code i'm not getting any output for some reason define cute girl string samara define coder guy string kyle public void get samara snap if kyle.pickupline equals success close brackets get pizza equals true then return samara snapchat else kyle equal sad unmatched equal true oh my god this man did it this man managed to arouse a girl enough to make her interested in dating him via the most nerdiest schmidt you any of us have ever seen you think this has left the spirits of many potential bachelors out there but no if anything it exposes the fact that your nerdiness isn't actually the thing holding you back from getting a girlfriend no it's just you hi my name's jack and i'm really bad at giving motivational speeches ying says ever since i first saw you i fell for you i think you're a beautiful person inside out and when i talk to you it feels like a struggle to not look at your amazing eyes i love the way you smile the way you blush and i dream of holding hands with you and growing old till death do us part i know in my heart i want to be with you but i guess this is the closest i can to being with you okay can we just go back to the inside out i'm sorry do you want to carve them open i'm sure some girls find that a very sexy metaphor but sir this is tinder you've just met probably ease off a bit king do you take constructive criticism no sorry i only accept positive reinforcement okay first of all you haven't even met yeah i was expecting sports or something like that but just gotta remind myself to keep you away from sharp and blunt objects oh wow what a what a reply is your name actually silver yeah totally really now that's pretty dope my first name is quentin i go by a lot of things though cool all right i may be blunt i could yell into a ravine and the echo i would hear could hold a better conversation than this wow that's pretty blunt oh look that's four words that's like double the original words you usually get well done mate that's progress she's definitely still worth your time he got a cold shoulder oh no dad jokes oof that was a bad one i love it lol what do you call a man with a car on his head tell me you call him an ambulance the man's dying for goodness sake huh how do you call a blonde uh hell with my number i'm gonna say it he might have been dropping the great dad jokes but she she won this one so imagine this you're stuck in a room all you have is a rock a string and a can of pringles what is your escape plan all right i've gotta be really interesting here gotta show my innovation creativity my bravery in such an adverse environment well it's rather simple probably just eat what's in the can of pringles and then die technically still an escape plan if i just escaped to another realm is your friend in the first pick single i don't know why don't you get your ouija board out and ask him because he died three months ago okay and you're just casually having them on your profile picture that that's comforting hey leone are you french because i fell for you smiley face no but i'm a doctor so show me where it hurts if i show you where it hurts do you promise to kiss it and make it better sure that is my job sir when can i book an appointment depends on how bad it is ah can't really tell i guess you gotta look at it personally where's the patient right now in the train driving back to his home in argyll a house visit it is i'll be honest at some point the moans just turned into screams i'm not sure where exactly describe yourself in three emojis i'm hearts around my smiley face i'm a bit of a nerd and this is my country oh well it's best to be honest um pinchy fingers eggplant and a sad hopeful puppy dog face so you don't get too disappointed at me you matched with blank how did you know yeah good night environment business it's a coiny pickup line uh i don't get it sad face i'm never going to emotionally recover from this it's just it's just a waste of talent i'm definitely close enough for a lunch date sometime oh are you okay four screening questions oh god one who did you vote for two are you vaccinated three what are you looking for and four how tall are you like two of these questions are actually valid the rest yeah no teddy 26 what you looking for teddy please read carefully before texting me it is very difficult to surprise me great already making me feel like i'm a complete disappointment in your eyes even by saying hello to you that i'm so confident and willing to talk to you now my expectations intelligent independent man invitation to a specific event or dinner or something more interesting wowie intelligence gosh what a weird trait to be interested in as a partner cause like you know everyone normally prefers someone who's totally stupid today that yeah that's it's about as specific of a request as someone saying that they like adventures in their profile and no i don't have insta my time is too precious and yes i have deep sense of privacy if you're making poor choices don't even try i will not put my butt in a car that costs less than 100k i don't lead long conversations here hang on no hold up here you want an intelligent independent man but you would prefer a guy who puts over a hundred thousand dollars into a depreciating asset i'm so hang on what honey with this kind of thinking you're the depreciating asset tall queen reporting for judy oh my god thank you for entering my prayers how tall are you i am 1.80 that is pretty tall i myself am 1.74 i hope that's sufficient oh i will kiss your forehead when wearing heels my little man thing hey cutie hey become little bow what's that it's what i'm studying stands for commerce in law no no no i thought it was one of those new gen z genders why hello there general kenobi want to watch me sing around four dildos at the same time you matched with jenny thanks to forking out your wallet is it gonna be a problem if i moan your name like forrest gump during the kinky times oh jenny jenny jeff oh jenny stop talking be quiet oh hannah you've got um oh it's just something on your face there it's uh yeah it's just above your uh everything it's it's all over you i have cancer so this bhutang is limited edition sparkles hello hey hello howdy hello hola stop saying hi to and unmatch me cause clearly you were too goddamn lazy and incapable of leading a conversation you lazy oh jeez willam hello i've been working out for all these years you'd finally like to meet i'm also masculine the body had to match you don't look masculine uh but i am yeah well that's just like your opinion man okay well i actually um i'm an alpha i hate you assuming and insisting on stuff about me have a great night okay man you have a good one can i ask what's your myers-briggs type she inquired curiously no that schmidt's dumb he responded politely she lightly snarled okay and despite sensing no intention to continue this conversation with him he well continued this conversation those cysts have no scientific value it's been demonstrated over and over that they're wildly inconsistent and that people often score differently if they take the test multiple times it's just some stuff for white women to post about on facebook oh okay oh that that's i mean is that not true sensing the red flag from a while away she responded appropriately alrighty then you seem lovely sensing possible disgust perpetuated his way the social inept scrotum desperately attempted to make her see otherwise i am lovely he failed he failed hard it's a good thing i've got my library card because i'm definitely checking you out get the freak out of my dms take your schmidty pickup line and get the freak out no you don't understand i'm just relating you to a book you know an inanimate object why do you hate me for it would you like a cat fact b nam pun c inappropriate pick up line or d all of the above e oh definitely the d hey ah oh god uh cats can actually suffer depression from lack of serotonin but with me your kitty will always be happy god damn he was prepared for that head cha i love it so how about sunday you kick my ash in some pool we get some drinks and see how much you love it well perfect because i'm off sunday well any chance i could get you on what yeah no okay that made no sense i'll stop there kinda like your bald head easily the best message i've ever got and i kind of like that you have hair so this head is all yours a hearty hi hey har i feel like i need to sit on it like a hen that keeps his eggs warm what a coincidence i love to sit on your face by the way you should check out the mkshop.com beautiful segway yes my wonderful friends we finally have much to celebrate together with if you like me absolutely love yourself and your time here then please go and check out the shop and enjoy this wonderful poster look how long i read the book it's so cute we got the stonks we got the spider-man we got the fedora and other various little easter egg references that i'll leave up to you to find and if you love what you see then let us know because we have more stuff coming along very soon and we'd love to hear from you but for now that is the end of today's good stuff i hope you had some fun today remember chucking the little likey on these videos is always a beautiful thing that you can do for us if you are not yet subscribed to this channel then please for the love of god and all thanks massa uh do that if you'd like be sure to check out some more content on this channel but otherwise my name has been jack feel free to say hello to me via the link in the description below you have you been a wonderful person to speak to today and i look very forward to doing it again soon but until then bye bye

Channel: EmKay

Views: 189,391

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% True stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, reddit stories, ask reddit, funny reddit, emkay, memes

Id: GVWbx6unOwQ

Length: 14min 10sec (850 seconds)

Published: Sun Sep 19 2021