r/Relationships - Kicked My Abusive GIrlfriend Out For Attacking Blind Brother...

g'day there guys matchmaker marky here back at it again with another episode of r slash relationship advice now if you love today's content i want you to smash like on the video tell me what you think about it sit back relax and enjoy today's bloody good contents posted by user throw ra89340927 titled i had to kick my girlfriend out of my house because she was scaring my brother i'd like to start by saying that english is not my first language so if i make any mistakes i would like to apologize beforehand i'm going to use a throwaway account because i know that both my girlfriend and her parents use reddit also i'm sorry for the long post so on to the situation my girlfriend 23 female and i 24 female have been together for two years now my family always loved her and she even had a good relationship with my brother 16 male as well last year my brother was diagnosed with a certain disease that almost took his life my brother always had a low immune system which made everything even worse my brother's still recovering but in a much better condition right now but unfortunately he ended up losing his sight in both eyes legally speaking he can be considered blind right now when social isolation started to happen because of the most recent events i decided to speak with my parents about how it would be better if my brother lived with me by the time being my parents agreed happily they both are essential workers and they wouldn't have much time to stay with my brother he is still getting used to his new life as a blind person and is still adapting to how to live with it if he needed help with anything my parents wouldn't be able to help and also because my brother already has a bad immune system and it wouldn't be a good idea for him to live in a house without parents who would constantly be dealing with patients who may or may not be sick i can work from home and they also have a lot of free time so if he ever needed help i would be more than available to help him so it was a win-win situation i also invited my girlfriend to live with me she has a very good house of her own but we could be together so why not right everything was good and fine but recently i noticed that my brother became to not be himself anymore i mean even with all of this happening with him he was always cheerful and happy and always trying to look at the good side in all of this but recently he started to become more shy and introverted when my girlfriend was around and i found that strange yesterday i was in my living room reading a book and my brother was in the kitchen drinking a cup of water my girlfriend just approached him and said just good morning she just got up at 7 30 am i noticed my brother gets scared i thought that was just an isolated incident she must have caught him by surprise so i didn't pay much attention to it but today i was hearing music while preparing our lunch and my brother was sitting on the kitchen talking with me i noticed someone approaching and i saw that it was my girlfriend when she noticed we were hearing music she started to walk slowly as if she didn't want to make sound she got behind my brother and quickly holds his shoulders and shouted hello there how you doing general kenobi my brother said he wanted to stay alone and went to his room i was ticked at her i asked her what did she thought she was doing by scaring him that way she told me that she has read on the internet and also from her mother that scaring a blind person is a good thing because it makes them more aware of their surroundings i started to connect the dots and asked her for how long she's been scaring my brother like that she taught me around two weeks up to three times a day if possible in her words i was seeing red at that moment i asked her to never do that again it didn't take much it was almost 4 p.m today and i was watering my garden when i heard my brother shout when i got back inside he was shouting to my girlfriend to leave him alone i ended up getting in a fight with her and i tried every single thing that i could to show her that it wasn't okay to do that to a blind person and that she needed to stop or else she would have to come back to her house she promised me to never do it again tonight i was making dinner and she did again i didn't know what to do anymore we got into a huge fight and i ended up telling her to go back to her house she argued with me that i was being unfair and that she's just trying to help i still refuse to let her stay and she just went to her home she's been bombarding my cell phone the entire night about its that it was wrong for me to do that and i should never have kicked her out over something so trivial as that i haven't been answering and i don't even know how to i feel like i shouldn't have just kicked her out of my house but i don't feel like it would have been a safe space for my brother if she just goes around scaring him my brother told me he didn't say anything to me before because he didn't want to cause problems as he was a guest i don't think she would stop if she came back she has a history of being a little bit stubborn sometimes but never something like this that would affect other people i don't know how to respond to her should i let her back to my house but setting some ground rules should i not allow her back until my brothers are back to my parents house other than this she was always a loving girlfriend and always treated me into my family with nothing but respect and love i don't know how to go on from this do you honestly want to be with someone who thinks it's okay to emotionally traumatize a blind person especially someone who is recently blind and already dealing with more than enough emotional trauma from that your girlfriend is cruel knowingly deliberately maliciously cruel at the very least never have her around your brother again or he'll stop trusting you like he no longer trusts her not only that when her partner came to her with concerns and asked her to stop she ignored him because she knew better this is what abusers do dude her brother even told her to stop before that she's an amazing big sister opie rocks for having her bros back both you and your brother have clearly let her know what she's doing is not okay she makes you feel bad for even asking her to stop lies and says she won't do it again then scares him the same day this is clearly having a big effect on your brother's life he's vulnerable and is already having a hard time and now he feels like he needs to fight off someone who is bigger older and abled she is being borderline abusive my advice break off any connection with her and keep protecting your brother from any harm your brother is already hurting inside he's in pain from newly becoming blind it's a very hard pill to swallow it's not something you get over within a year or two he likely needs therapy and like you said before he's just getting used to not seeing and is having trouble adjusting to your place that's the very last thing he needs on his plate she was deliberately cruel to him and crossed his personal boundaries your brother not just you made it perfectly clear to her that he didn't like her scaring him but she ignored his pleas if you want to permanently risk your relationship with your brother and or his mental well-being go back to her otherwise tell her to kick rocks because that was straight-up abusive what would happen if you had a disabled child with her she can't even respect your little brother as a human being update i had to kick my girlfriend out of my house because she was scaring my brother hello everyone i would like to thank you all for your time and of course for commenting on my original post and would like to thank you all for your advice i would like to start by saying that i decided to get in contact again with my girlfriend and i decided to talk to her of course i didn't let her back into my home and i didn't want to talk on any other place than here she called me to go to her house i started by asking her where did she get the advice that she saw in the internet that said scaring blind people was a good thing to be done she was very reluctant to tell me but when i pressured her a little bit more she ended up telling me apparently there is no article no research no elaborate study nothing the advice she got came from her friends on facebook chat and she just went along with it she also told me she lied about her mother telling her that to clarify her mother is a social worker where we live so she thought that if she said that her mother had also said it that would make her friends advice a little more credible because she couldn't find any article or study i tried to ask her about why she would think that her friend's advice was good when she could do nothing to corroborate it she didn't want to answer i asked her then why she would ignore me when i told her to stop and keep scaring my brother she told me that she didn't think i would find it that bad and that if i really loved her i would just ignore it because she was trying to help and that she feels that i don't love her because i would choose my brother over her just because now he's crippled her own words on something so trivial and that he should grow up and deal with his problems himself and i as her girlfriend should be on her side always of course i was very angry at this answer and we ended up getting into another fight in her words i shouldn't have asked my brother to come live with me but as i ended up asking he should just be quiet and obey and accept what we do because we know better for being adults before going to our house i took some people's advice and i decided to ponder about our relationship until that moment and looking back i could see a lot of things i believe i didn't want to see first every single approach on our relationship was taken by me one to date i was the one inviting her let's go see a movie i always had to be the one to invite her romantic time i had to start always looking back the entire relationship looks one-sided second she doesn't look like she cares much about boundaries from the start she disregarded every single boundary i've had before i never took much action about them because they were small things i believe that if i had made myself more clear before it wouldn't get to a point where it would cause problems to my brother i made a decision i didn't want to break up but if we were to continue a relationship with her all of this would have to change i talked with her and told her that i didn't want to break up but if we were to continue a relationship first she would not be allowed near my brother and wouldn't be welcomed to my house when my brother is there second she would have to apologize to him and promise that this time she would respect that promise that what was done wouldn't happen again and third she would have to go to counseling with me those were my terms and if we were to continue together things had to change she got mad at me cursed at me told me i was an idiot to choose family over her and that i was crazy to end a relationship over this i talked with her about those things that i mentioned earlier and she called me stupid that this is what a good relationship looks like of course we got into another fight in the end she wasn't willing to compromise and make the relationship work so i decided to end things yep we broke up of course i left her house being called a lot of names i blocked her on my cell phone and social media and right now i'm focusing on my brother it hurts a lot that the person that i've been calling the love of my life recently could be that cold but i guess it was for the better a lot of you recommended therapy and counselling for my brother he is already on it before coming to my house he was already on it i would like to thank you all for your advice i don't think i would have ever looked back at my own relationship if it hadn't got to that point and i don't think it would be safer to continue in that relationship anymore she already disregarded boundaries with me i didn't do anything about it and it got to a point where it ended up affecting my brother very badly and i feel very guilty for that thank you all for your help and for your kind words of comfort edits it looks like a lot of people are misreading or didn't see my original post i am also a woman and my girlfriend is a woman as well wow i'm so sorry she is delusional or perhaps simply self-centered and selfish if she thinks a good relationship is just one where she gets everything she wants and gets to do whatever she wants no matter how it impacts others so you are absolutely better off without her be thankful that you've learnt that now and not later opi your ex is a horrible person as time goes by and you continue to reflect on her behavior the hurt will fade and be replaced by both anger and this realization you did the right thing now give yourself time to heal and let this sink in it takes time for your brain to make the emotional transition between love of my life who i rationalize everything for so i can see as a good person to horrible girl that tortured my disabled brother and took advantage of me at first you'll be sad and miss her don't give in and don't contact her ever again there's nothing to be gained from it and she doesn't deserve a second more of your time let alone a chance to weasel her way back into your life once you heal and time has passed you are going to be so glad you made this choice i don't care if she looks like a supermodel this girl is so ugly inside that she was literally ruining your brother's life and yours be proud of yourself for doing the right thing stay strong and continue to protect yourself and your family i'm rooting for you posted by user throw ra excelled by fam titled i 36 male have refused to go to the future wedding of my now ex-wife 37 female and it's really affecting the relationship with our kids thought i'd give this a chance to see if i can get some insight into my situation as i can't see what i've done that's so wrong and what i can do to remedy it so we've been married 15 years together longer and have three kids she's a daughter from her first relationship who's now 18 i class her as mine as i've done everything for her and we have a 16 year old and 13 year old sons now she was upfront and honest when we got together that she was bi and it was never an issue last year until she said she thought that she was ultimately a lesbian and had fallen in love with her now fiance 35 female and it led to a divorce as i was unwilling to open the relationship or consider a polis situation so we've been divorced a year although we're still good friends and have a good co-parenting relationship even though we're good i still am suffering and can't say i'm even close to moving on yet the kids live with her primarily although i see them multiple times a week and can say if i didn't have them i'd have nothing so basically i got a call from my ex earlier on in the week saying that she had to tell me something that she's now engaged i was shocked as hell basically she said they're not going to do the typical thing and have a long engagement they're looking at getting married as soon as lockdown has been lifted and they're on about moving in together as soon as possible but wait there's more she said she wants to have me as her best man as she still considers me her best friend and can't think of anyone else she'd rather have there suffice to say i told her that i wasn't happy with it and said i'm not going to be a best man or don't think it's a good idea for me to be at the wedding and definitely don't like the idea of moving someone in around my kids after a year now my kids love the fiance my kids are always talking about her suffice to say she was upset and we haven't spoken since i mean if that was just it then i wouldn't be that upset i mean in what way does going to a wedding seeing my wife marry the woman who she left me for seemed like a good idea and to be the best man my kids found out though somehow and are really upset my daughter particularly really went off and she thought that i was better than that and if i don't go to the wedding she'll never talk to me again the youngest two don't want to come and see me this week and have also refused to talk to me i'm still close and have a relationship with my in-laws and they've also been on my case saying i should go especially for my kid's sake here is where i need help and someone to talk to what do i do i mean the last thing i want to do is be false and go to a wedding watching the woman who i thought i'd be with forever marry someone else yet i hate the thought that my kids are suffering and the prospect of not having them in my life even if it's for a short while is like torture help i get it it took me seven years to get over the hurt of my ex cheating before i felt able to pursue another ltr so why she or anyone thinks you should be dealing with it like a man after a year is insane in my opinion especially after a 15-year relationship your kids are old enough for you to tell them the truth about how you're feeling and how you're unable to deal with her request this soon after the divorce if they can't accept your decision then maybe use analogies they can understand about their own lives ultimately stick by your guns your mental health is more important and it sounds like you need to focus on your healing right now absolutely i mean i do not feel in any way shape or form ready to start dating or get into a relationship yet however she's been trying to push me to date even trying to set me up with a suitable woman that she knows she feels guilty and thinks i would be a great catch for someone and deserve someone who appreciates me which is old dandy but i just don't want it yet i'm trying to get through to our oldest so i can talk about it to her she's 18 and the one they all look up to and if i can at least get her to understand then it might help the other two come around i'm sure it would all be very hip and reasonable and mature to do this in her eyes but man this would be so very very raw for me your children really need to hear that you get to have a point of view as well they don't get to dictate this to you if your daughter pushes this to a point where she feels like she won't speak to you again realize you can't control that you can only control what you say or you do in response i would say something to the effect of i'm very sorry you couldn't see my point of view or don't respect it which certainly is the impression i get when i hear this from you please realize that i am in the process of healing from this relationship's breakup and my emotions don't turn on and off like a light switch i will heal in my own time right now i don't particularly feel like walking the one-time love of my life down an isle to marry someone else i am not ready for that so soon i may never be if this is something you can't accept or won't accept i understand i wish you a long and happy life a partner that never leaves you and know that i love you and will always be here to talk if you feel like bridging that barrier someday damn you manage to put what he should say into words perfectly i can't believe your ex and kids can't understand why this is hard for you this isn't an episode of friends you are not ross and you can't just get over this kind of pain and show up smiling at her wedding like you're in a half hour tv episode i'm so sorry you might need to talk to a counselor to work through this kind of hurts a counselor may be able to explain things to your kids too there is no timetable for healing it's different for everyone best of luck to you my friend i know it isn't going to happen immediately but i truly hope you find your happiness with someone amazing eventually when you're ready i also disagree with the others would you tell him to go if his ex-wife asked him to be her best man if she was going to marry another guy no then what's the difference opie has no obligation to be part of his ex marrying someone else wow it's hilarious how much worse that sounds when it really isn't any yeah because the stereotype that lesbian relationships are not to be taken serious or a no threat to men is still very much alive but i agree this is some nonsense rp's kids need to learn some compassion for others and how to protect your mental health updates i have refused to go to the future wedding of my now ex-wife and it's really affecting the relationship with our kids basically everything all moved forward today so i basically thought i'd be best to reach out to my daughter so i messaged her along the lines of hey i know you're not talking to me now but i think we really need to talk to my surprise she agreed and came over very quickly basically i said to her that as she's an adult i won't sugarcoat things now i'm really not in a good place and her mom getting married to her girlfriend and asking me to be best men is a bit too much for me when i'm struggling to move on with my life she said that she sort of understands but it hit her close to home she then came out to me as a lesbian herself she said she's known for a while now she told her mom and my ex a while ago but wasn't sure how to tell me and because of the way i reacted to the wedding she was worried i wouldn't be able to accept it i reassured her that i love her dearly and i'm proud of her for being honest with me and stressed the way i feel about her mum and her now fiance is nothing to do with the fact that they're lesbians but because she's my ex-wife and i can't just turn my feelings off like that i'd feel exactly the same if her mom was marrying a dude we hugged it out and she said she'd talk to my brother and see if she can get them to come around because they live with mum and they see the fiance often they see her and love her a lot so they don't understand i said to her i can't promise i would go to the wedding eventually but if i feel up to it i may try but it will be hard for me while she was there she facetimed her mom from her phone and i got a chance to talk to my ex i basically was honest said i feel like she blindsided me and sprung it on me without thinking about how i feel especially putting me on the spot about making me her best man i said the invitation to the wedding was one thing but that was a bit too much for me she took it all in and apologized and admitted it's because she's all loved up and her family are giving her all the platitudes about how happy and proud they are so she got caught up in the moment she asked me how i feel about it now i said in all honesty it's a bit too much to consider at the moment but i definitely am not going to be her best man regardless she understands and said that she won't expect that of me but if i didn't want to go to the wedding itself would i be interested in just going to the reception i said in all honesty i don't know if i can and she shouldn't expect me to she agreed and said she'll leave it to me and will try to understand if i can but would be made up if i can the boys were there so i asked if she could put them on but they didn't want to talk to me honestly that feels like a punch in the balls so i left it there before it started me crying and she saw it and i let my daughter leave so i could be on my own i've never liked her to see me too emotional especially crying so there you have it we've all made peace as such but there's a long way to go yet edits a lot of people have said about her cheating whilst she did meet her now fiance before we split i don't believe there was physical intimacy possibly an emotional thing but i don't believe they got together until we split edit 2 a lot of people have picked up on me not showing emotion around my kids i do show emotion around them i'm loving funny affectionate humble etc and they do show sadness at things like funerals but i generally don't like them to see me cry especially at things like this alright guys that's where i'm going to end today's video i really do hope you enjoyed it and maybe even learned something that you didn't know before if you haven't already please do feel free to click that like button as it really does help me in the youtube algorithm and if you haven't already and you love today's video please feel free to subscribe i would love it a lot also big big big shout out to all my patreon members and channel subscribers you guys are all up in the screen right now i love you i love your faces also i love seeing you guys all chatting down below in the comments it brightens my day to see the stories that you guys share and just the kind words you guys always have for my videos as well as everyone else in the videos i love you too but honestly your ongoing support means the world to me and i just love it so much that you guys were able to support a career for myself that i invest so much time into and you guys honestly motivate me to work harder each and every day to put more love into the videos for you guys if you guys have watched this far in the video and you haven't already subscribed on patreon or become a channel member that's cool you don't have to but there are links down below uh you can donate any amount of money pledge that any month cancel whenever i'm completely cool with it it's just there for you to support me if you'd like to go the extra mile and i'll go the extra mile for you guys by putting out new amazing content every single day with that said guys i really hope you have a good day night sleep bath time at work whatever you're up to today this has been marky i'll see you in the next amazing video bye

Channel: Markee

Views: 28,436

Rating: 4.9290104 out of 5

Keywords: r/relationshipadvice, relationship, advice, relationshipadvice, r/relationship, reddit, Markee, Markee relationship, r/justnoMIL, r/amitheasshole

Id: sktXSo3OdEo

Length: 27min 8sec (1628 seconds)

Published: Mon Aug 03 2020