Robin Williams, Jonathan Winters, and Bonnie Hunt

i'm an out-and-out robin williams fan he is without one of the most original original most original creative uh minds we have working today he does he can act straight he can be crazy uh and he has a new movie out which co-stars with robert de niro called awakenings and he's gotten incredible reviews those of you who have seen it [Applause] he's been nominated for a golden globe and is already one best actor by the national board of review would you welcome robin williams [Applause] [Music] one of our more serious actors olivier yo yo never become attached to a house and the judge said all the money and we'll just shorten it to alimony for the people at home divorced from the old latin word devarchara meaning having your genitals torn out through your wallet [Applause] right there that's from the latin i didn't know that that's uh well it's nice to see you doing that real simple stuff again yeah that real heavy drama show is kept you know doing that shakespeare stuff you think about shakespeare you think about a man basically with the education's second grade education wrote some of the greatest poetry of all times i think maybe not i don't wandering around stratford after a couple of beers knocking on doors going isis to be or not to be [Applause] i wrote that as mine i'm with him shakespeare right kiss my tights did you ever do any shakespeare you didn't wait you did waiting shakespeare i've it's exciting to wear tights and have people go i can't see anything you know nurial someone give him a dagger thank ever picture different people playing hamlet safe to be or not to be like stella oh stallone gibson just did hamlet pretty good out here wonderful out here it's like great to hear right alone you could feel like what you know schwarzenegger walks into the room i'm back watch out denmark mother come here i love you big kiss for you sorry you're dead look over here i'm going to do another speech but first i'm going to tear through a wall and flex my nipples don't be afraid of me don't be afraid i'll be bad i'll be [Applause] back i know nicholson you could think of him yeah you could do great he'd be great hamlet just like neither are a borrower nor lender b and the t-shirts keep for thine self these are obscure references but we must be sure i mean just keep yourself shakester said was it not him that said kill all the lawyers first but of course there were no agents then that's right who knew who knew ten percent my my lord must give up that check that for not feeling this carpe podium sees the check and yet neil bush still works well [Applause] i have a copy of the letter that george bush wrote to saddam hussein oh yes you had it can you can you repeal now without affecting national security why they found this offense if it starts off dear oil sucker i don't know you want to think about the whole thing though basically you want to solve problems in the middle east you send john gotti it goes saddam how are you doing babe okay here's the deal you get out of kuwait i give you jersey okay bingo he's out the next damn day all of a sudden wow things started happening mingle make amigo and i know that they've got quail locked up in some back room going okay let's go over it again okay okay okay let's go over one time you okay assad you did okay try it again what did he say no try it again assad you did no try it one more time who's saying nobody okay try it again gaddafi god bless you not have fun i don't know you have to kind of go away why is this this very strange whale yeah remember once when they said they're going to send him to central america and three days later they found him wandering around ohio he's been on he's been on more cruises than a jewish grandmother as soon as he come home he go i am back oh send okay out there darn it comes back with a little statue with a you know yes look what i found marilyn give me that brine that down it's a little frightening gonna ask you one serious question all tonight oh one one series when you're doing the thing like you you're and you first of all you're a good actor you're really a marvelous actor [Applause] but it's so much less you can do that you nominated twice it's so nice to watch somebody else win and they read the name and they go and the winner for best actor is someone other than you and you sit there and they keep the camera on you and you're supposed to go like i'm so happy it's gonna be nice you can be really truthful and go yeah [Applause] for just to be among your peers sure hey you're gonna have a green card give it to me i don't know but no no what i was gonna ask what i was gonna ask you okay this has to do with what we're doing right now okay you're a serious actor you're in a serious scene i know how you work because your mind gets going and streaming constantly you start firing when you're in those scenes that you ever get to the point where all of a sudden you're saying hey this is there's no laughs here and you want to veer off and go into the comedy thing there's sometimes i mean it was weird in this movie i was working with robert de niro it's obviously a whole other style yeah i think that's like well bob is not a fatty guy i think nostradamus said when they meet that will be the end i mean he's a different style how are you doing bob what and that's you're afraid that if you look at him the wrong way it's like hey bro i mean you have to kind of you find a way of dealing with it but there's sometimes where you have to break the mood because we're working in a mental hospital for five months in brooklyn and every day you'd walk in there'd be a little guy staring to be like there's you know there's a lot of doors and only five keys and you'd be there and you'd walk past and to be a guy waiting at the window do i look nuts to you do i look nuts to you do i look crazy to you and if you realize it was one of the doctors so you're walking into this environment and you we're working in this place and it was it wasn't it was an i guess a hospital where the bottom two floors were still real patients yeah and we used a lot of real patients we used you know penny was using schizophrenics and yeah uh tourette's patients it was a weird thing the schizophrenics she would ask she would direct them and everything was fine until the moment when they said it's time now we're gonna have to because someone's talking in front of you we want you to talk but not say anything and all of a sudden you saw them look like and i'm crazy yeah but they would they wanted background stuff but not like it was that moment where all of a sudden reality went yeah but there are times when no you have to break up but there's other times where you can't do did you ever meet did you ever meet the doctor that you're playing in here oh yeah he's wonderful oliver sacks he wrote this book awakenings and he wrote another book called amendments took his wife for a hat which those of you who drink a lot are going i've done that she used a pair of shorts one night too and he wrote these wonderful books basically about different aspects of the brain and in this um he was there every day yeah he's an amazing man he's about six four he's like a combination of arnold schwarzenegger and albert schweitzer and he also looks like santa claus because he's got this big beard and uh usually there's food in it that he's forgotten is there oh oh good i forgot that tasty he's cersei and he says the amazing thing as big as he is and as strong as he is he's this very gentle and compassionate man who is brilliant who is he examines he called these people who basically had been in a comatose state for 30 years and many of us are going well that's ronald reagan but no way i think that's it's he's wrote about them from the point of view of that basically they're explorers he said that they came from this they're in another state they're exploring another dimension of thought and of course in the play you played the doctor who was aware that there are people inside there and then just over a period of time start to come out of there yeah right they through this he he basically isolated that they suffered from this one disorder called encephalitis lethargica which is encephalitis is a brain virus and this is a specific one that after the initial outbreak which went through europe and america and killed many people but many people who survived had a dormancy period then about five years later they all of a sudden would start to freeze up and go into this like statute state it would be late in that long and then yeah and you'll have a dormancy period and then it would come back and then he woke them up basically with this drug that they use for parkinson's patients which is it was a miracle and he said for that summer it was an amazing thing to see them he has documented footage of these people who hadn't moved in a long time but actually and the next thing you see them they're like this i'm out of here you think that after 30 years one would wake up and go didn't anybody try and shake me i was sleeping since i have seen you last you become a daddy again yes sir you have a young daughter yes a little girl picture show them the pictures it's it's wonderful a year and a half yeah she's a year and a half her name is zelda which is people go oh is that for f scott fitzgerald yeah daddy i'm at the plaza no she's um she's named my little uh my son picked the name it's wonderful and she's uh it's different raising a girl than a boy first of all she came in the show the other day looked up and went oh dad's got something stuck in his mind thank you the alert child very excited wow something's different what's wrong with this picture and um you said she's very outgoing you're telling me she makes eye contact with people in a room oh yeah she works around that age that oh very much it's it's also it borders on a little bit coquettish you know it's a little bit like it's so you're worried about the time when she gets to be 16 and goes dad this is dead hello ted can i have some blood and urine so i can run some tests [Laughter] just leave it in the back room put in the fridge yeah don't no thank you very much oh i don't think you're going out tonight different standard boy between father of a boy and a brother daughter it's quite wonderful i mean you do feel like when you have a little girl you feel like some sort of superhero it's like father man during the day mild-mannered comedian at night father man and the only thing that can stop him is baby kaka it's amazing you open one of those little diapers and it's like oh little cherub and all of a sudden ah toxic waste how can she do this [Laughter] honey so you want to put on big gloves a big helmet go and your dog is always looking over like hey just put a face in it come on don't be afraid okay most people are going oh write that one down when you read publicity things you always wonder if the studio makes some other reports you broke de niro's nose during the filming of this picture yes sir it wasn't you did yeah don't make me of a sudden it's raging mork what are you looking at hey don't look at me it was um it was an accident it was there's a scene later in the movie where he starts to have a reaction to the drug and i was supposed to restrain him the papers made it seem like i hit him in anger which is if that was true i'd be coming on the stage cleaning nice to be here tonight johnny i am happy to be here i know it was totally an accident the simplest thing i was my elbow popped him and that the moment it happened i went i'm dead please i've loved all of your movies that penny's sitting she's over pity marshall was the director she's sitting on the side going someone's over acting but it's a frightening thing when it happened but actually he said it straightened his nose out and now he looks very waspy and he can come to spagos any night it's fabulous his name is tad deniro right now god you've got to have the member lane the best in here it's a whole other thing raging wasps god you've got to come by we're just having getting together and just opening a whole bunch of unborn pairs they're strange i know that's a reference and people be going what does that mean keep awake come see marge come in here honey do we have any unborn pairs [Applause] yes [Applause] oh obviously you've just come from the late emmett kelly estate sale picked up a little garment if you can't wear one color wear them all picasso is a lounge singer yeah i've got to paint tell me now put your eye over here watch out i'm back obviously someone's sitting at home going wow man i'm flashing back see some guy out in des moines picasso is a long singer yeah what that means what's that mean i'm not watching this anymore how you doing i'm good i'm a little i've been watching the uh the supreme court hearings it's a little amazing mr thomas your opinion of roe versus wade i'd prefer to float okay come on now i'm gonna give you an opinion tell us something they bring in all sorts of witnesses he was a good it's boy they can't get real answers out of him i mean how do they get people there people have no legal opinions no written opinions they basically four short weeks ago i was driving truck now i'm sitting on the highest court in the land thanks to george bush home study course you two can be a supreme court [Applause] yeah but you see what happens you're right you're right you see the trick is to get confirmed is not to answer questions i should just make it a talent show they should make it like you know i'd like to start off with singing something rulings nothing more than ruling and now for the swimsuit competition how do they wear a robe fabulous mr rehnquist take the hood off the robe greg okay [Applause] it all comes down you know it's a basic thing because it comes down to your right to life people uh-huh you've got your right to life people don't you want to go up to them one time and just go for me you right to life yes i am well here's your very own crack baby take you see what happened burke answered their questions oh borg he answered there he looks like burl ive's he looked like he was basically going i answered them all like he had two sixes and a five or something you look like somebody's got the robes with the robes on going worship me worship me don't be afraid but it's look like they're writing the constitutional nature sketch like amendments we don't need no stinking amendments i forgot to show you in there i love in your face and oliver north he came through again they basically asked him a few questions he went nope and you think gordon liddy's sitting at home going damn if i only had a uniform i'd get him and if he did do time if he ever went away go away to some designer prison some club fed you know all of a sudden the lights dim leona's getting electrolysis you know [Applause] and now we may go back now we gotta uh so hussein is up again now we may be back there that's true you know they always find out strange things as they wander through looking for nuclear weapons they always seem to find some things made in germany what a funny thing you know and they asked them excuse me did you sell this knife as just some stuff we had lying around and if you buy the if you buy the nerve gas will also throw in the bunker and communism is basically you know the iron curtain's a drape it's all over there i mean gorbachev you know what strange if you call it's called certain members of the cabinet now hello i'm in right now but wait for the sound of the gunshot so that basically just leaves castro yeah and yeltsin yesterday said he had a cold or something i know that's really scary that's scary yeah oh my heart i'm kidding do you love me so it's pretty much over i guess it's like having an amway franchise of your communist party it's like oh well okay here we go and there's castro sitting there i look at castro sometimes and i go he's maybe not what he seems because you know he sits up there going i tell you now we are going to have a steal coming to this party here in cuba great thank you very much i know you love me he goes back backstage takes off the hat there's a yamaka is going i can't keep that up boy what a country i asked him to book me in miami i got booked in uh guantanamo so it's me feeder listen how the yankees i want to join another bad thing oh god you're crazy you're great we gotta take it we're gonna take a break and then we're gonna come back and maybe you'll do something stay where you are we're back with robin williams later on johnny winners will join us why are we coming conclude no uh you're doing a picture we'll talk about the the fisher king in a moment but you started something today didn't you yes i i'm just finishing up a hook which is uh you're doing captain hook well thank you those are the psychic people who've seen it already i'm gene dixon i give it a thumb up i'm i just i have like one last day and then i'm done i it's wonderful it's peter pan i get to play peter pan but i also get to play him he's as a he's first he's old he became he grew up and then i used to come back and be peter pan the wonderful thing is when you get to fly they also the painful thing is getting to fly because it's that lovely lift and separate rig you know now i know why a lot of i know why mary martin played you know why harry reims is not playing peter pan i see his happy thoughts it's it's really fun it must be it's like a fantasy oh big time yeah i mean it i think would be nice is it it's a wonderful innovation you play peter pan i do and you go out and you do believe do you believe even all uh well yeah i kind of like that and and you did a uh a short spot a cameo i guess and kenneth's um kenneth branagh's film again you're dead again yes [Applause] you're a shakespeare fan oh big time it's wonderful i mean i i saw henry the fifth and it is always amazing to work with someone who talks like this you see me but then when when he doesn't talk like that you're going oh my god he's not that way all the time you know what i saw the other yesterday on on cable they had uh their hamlet with uh nicole williamson and anthony hopkins and it's marvelous but you yours you studied with houseman i mean yeah actually you know we were like this i mean i did study at juilliard you know whether you're it's strange did you you had to do that when you were studying it i did do shakespeare where we did um uh we did uh romeo and juliet it's because you get trained to be a classical actor so good to be trained to be a classical actor and eventually end up selling some light beer it has less filling but a giant head drink it and yet not know the reason the film makes you crazy i mean you think about great shakespearean actors they're amazing yeah but you think about and sometimes if you've ever watched an x-rated movie not that i do but it'd be amazing just think if they could get maybe one of those actors to act in one of those you know usually it's some really bad actress oh you're incredible stallion let's go four suits i wouldn't be amazing if you had someone like this oh i will mount you and ride you till the dawn [Applause] i shall pop like the red seas and your joy shall cry till then i know nothing but yeah oh flaccid [Applause] before me and yet know itself speak not oh friend all right oh ghost of puberty past i am harry and no not why didn't i see you one night doing stallone doing hamlet oh yeah what you can think of stallone doing halfway to arnold would be great you know one of the few hamlets where he gets to have an uzi you know ultimately basically like this fortinbras so much for the fight huh basically that way you know it'd be nice to have a big hamlet what was the view or not they're stallone doing these yeah you know you do like a brooklyn hamlet yo is that a ghost or your vinnie this really vexes me don't get any further on and on you know what i'm saying yo the venice california shakespeare festival we're doing um instead of hamlet we're just calling it bob instead of two dudes uh it's just two dudes from venice you know wow you know it's not necessarily that we have to do rhyming we just kind of speak and feel good yeah let it whatever comes naturally you know we could have done like lincoln's gettysburg addresses like a while ago some people got bummed and then we let them go that's right now the fisher king great reviews terry gilliam right yes sir i directed this and i i read some reviews today you said you were absolutely sensational it was amazing to do because it was it's about someone who's not well yeah you play a man where you're you can just run wild right right he who has nations he sees he well it's kind of like don quixote in manhattan he has visions of red knights and and rescuing maidens and the whole thing and he's looking for the holy grail on the upper east side which is so amazing because normally all you can find is a good case of unborn pairs you know it's just looking out there we went the other day and tried to have some mesquite fish and damn they weren't open so sad but it's it was amazing to shoot in new york because in these hallucination scenes i'm running down new york streets fleeing from this giant red knight who has flame coming out of his head and flame coming out of the horse and as i'm running i'm screaming because i'm having this nervous breakdown i finish i'm over in the corner and some wino walks up that's some really good work that's really good i've seen that stuff man it's a little bigger normally but you're in the groove now do you mind if i urinate on you if somebody told you tomorrow robin you can go out work in clubs stand up do your kind of comedy or you can be a straight dramatic actor and you had to make a choice what would you do i'd say can i do both and they said no you couldn't do it you know one of those things if you had to go one way or the other that's right oh don't do that i just wondered i think one of those things i asked jack benny once i said if you could have been a great comedian like you are or played the fire or been a concert hall he said i'd rather be a concert hall violinist really yeah than a great comedian wow because the comedy is obviously for me it's so much cheaper than therapy that's true [Applause] you can't do what we just did a few minutes ago and have on the street because people go you have to leave now that's right but i would love to keep doing roles like this with people like that because they're so to keep exploring like with awakenings with this they'll find all new things yeah you really can explore that well we're going to bring another patient out in just a moment how long ago [Applause] when you were doing mork and mindy how long ago was that 10 or 12 years about 10. and jonathan came on and did how many episodes with you i was about 20 of them some of the funniest episodes run out of film it was like kind of like those war movies with a machine gun there's no ammo yeah he is he's been a friend of yours from mine for many years he's on his own show called davis rules with the randy quaid which is on the air later this fall would you welcome mr jonathan winters [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] well we lost the fort the indians were sober we were drunk this time well great to be here nice to see you my god nice to be here how goes the battle well uh pretty good so far um made it across into van nuys that one shoulder took us out uh gosh i was so taken with this guy i was when i first uh first met him and uh on i'm working mindy we we did we we had a marvelous those were good days you had access to more medication yeah some of the shows were real quick i noticed the stuff wore off tonight mr williams didn't know you in the days uh when you and i oh when we were on the sauce yeah when we were having it well yeah we johnny and i uh can we have those on his block for you we i'm sorry could we handle something clean it was easy getting them on and now here you want to play with ocean oh yeah this way i won't have so much guilt [Applause] before we uh general what is your official title on that general or just general i'd like to be a general i was a corporate and i'd rather be a general tonight i want to make me feel important yes i want to congratulate you general on winning uh the emmy for uh davis rules the best support [Applause] well it uh i must tell you briefly about it i know our time is limited here but not really uh i really really didn't think that i was going to win and otherwise i would have been there and i turned to my my wife for many years and i said what do you think sweetheart and she said you don't stand a chance so it's that kind of support this can't be together that makes one want to return to you know the shaving lotion [Music] you don't stand a chance you say i understand oh she just said look look look at the competition and it was just you know darning my god this guy uh from evening shade and then of course uh cheers and all this they've been on many many years and i thought well well what do we do unfortunately we we had a thrilling evening um that isn't a put down because i know uh the guy that through the evening is hopefully listening um we had um we had a choice uh one choice of going to a fella's house to have ribs and uh thought i'd say he is you know no no um but we had uh they were marvelous ribs and stuff and that when then we sat down and watched there about 12 or 14 of us and then they announced it and i saw the picture of myself a still and uh i just no explanation you know where is he you know they can say a lot of things and i was in uh just a house with uh hundreds of other people and ribs so um but it was a big threat i asked and then the following day i said where is the award that's right and uh somebody said well since you weren't there you don't get it was that your wife again no how is the missus by the way she's fine she's fine she looks better than ever and uh there's oh of course i come home we're not kids anymore john you know and uh but she's not bedridden and um it's not around the house that's right no no she's very active but the romance is still there but you've got to stay up all night you know to keep her active a lot a lot of things you say you know i come at her and and play these ridiculous games i'm sure he plays the same thing and um do you wear this uniform when do you sometimes yeah also nothing wrong with that no that's right that's right and we react battle scenes i suppose yeah many times she'll say things like i don't know what she means by that don't you have a ball game to watch you know four o'clock in the morning i don't think many of them are playing going down doing the show you know you say you're not as young as you used to be a lot of stress doing the show yeah there is a lot of stress um you take your painting materials down there oh no there's not that time uh usually i just uh get the legs begin to go i was talking to an athlete the other day a professional he told me it was it was on a bus you had no way of knowing i had a way of knowing i knew he was on a bus he was in trouble so uh he said he played with the washington redskins and he said you know the first thing to go john talked very fast and uh he was trying to get off he couldn't get off the bus legs were really gone and um so somebody just dragged him off and faced him again but um any rate uh he said the first thing to go over the legs and i find that at uh 6'5 you're on these hard floors um legs go yeah really go the mind of course say that was gone a long time but the legs when they go everything goes yeah you get back to ohio often oh i haven't been back for it really that's your heart well i'm sorry about the reds can't throw baseballs with those guys and hurt them you know and do that um anyway no i i get back every once in a while there's always a guy with a toothpick you know hey how you doing john you're good to see you how you doing out there we don't see you we don't get what you do here what do you get anything [Music] in my section of ohio the river's dried up fish are just there in the dust they're it's like a chicken you know if you hit a chicken in the road we used to just throw it in the background pick up get yourself some tennessee pizza they've already been cleaned they've been gutted and cleaned you take everything we're going to just take a break here we'll have you ordered the prozac and we'll be right back all right we're back to clown school here folks yeah you know we've we've known each other for probably more than 30 years i learned about something about you tonight somebody's talking about living in california you've got a genuine fear of uh earthquakes out here somebody said you get a little stressful well i yeah i i i don't care for them i well i just i if i had a decent uh seismograph there you know it's not whatever they call it i don't know what it is i yeah i'm not that far into it i i saw the movie that was enough for me they just everything went out but i i worry about my people sitting around going you know yeah that's right yeah exactly honey can i make you a drink well i worry about my pets because uh they fall down we have to do it they're old yeah and uh yeah they fall over and when you get a major shake the animals especially the animal is stiff their legs are locked or something or well that's a step dog and they fall over you know i don't think the first one says bad legs aren't they the first ones they say dogs or animals are the first to notice it i've been right alongside them and by guys not all of them do that no warning a lot of this and they do that on a thursday you know then that big that's right that's the time to pour the cold water then not well i was going to say very close to mating season very close when you hear and a lot of the furs being pulled out on the right side what kind of dogs dogs get a strange uh a strange look during a mating season not that i follow this i think you're there with a video no but i mean you have a lot of free time on your hand don't you got a lot of state parks and i'm in those parks and i enjoy that look on an animal though it's funny they go and the guy a guy goes into the dog land your dogs are a little old though to breed i mean they're probably oh i would never think breeding no no never because they're too too strange yeah people what is that what is that i went to a dog show only a couple of weeks ago that's an experience was your dog injured no i had no dog at the time i don't have a dog now oh and away and i just don't have time to find him you know it's a terrible thing i just you know you can go hundreds of miles you see my dog what'd you say sorry apparently not kitty lover uh what animals do you have now just oh i have pictures pictures pictures of mine and they're easy to train so much easier to train just to go down right put that in the kitty litter box um so you watched this dog show oh yeah i went to the dog show and uh people comb their dogs and you know and put little things mustaches on them and curl their eyelashes and then bows in the hair everything bulls and there you don't see a i hate say this because i know there are a lot of dog lovers i'm a dog lover but i like the good old mongrel dogs you know that the crossbreed of 2057 varieties whatever they're much much much yeah mutts and uh they're cheap too and they there's a lot more love it seems to me an affection a show dog knows all the time he's doing this all the time when's the show when's the show when's the show where's a mongrel just like it and the little boy that's sitting by the fireplace goes that wasn't me and the fire goes out oh oh well so no no earthquakes are out here as you know we all live with this thing and they're all the thing that bothers me i was at a party the other night and conversation was a lot about a lot of stuff environmental things and uh lack of water and one thing and uh what's happening around the world uh in the middle east and everything and it came around to earthquakes and there's always one person a man or a woman young or or old that says well whatever we've experienced in the past is going to be nothing to what the bacon is going to be that'll they'll be ocean all the way to bakersfield and i thought why stop there you know how about santa fe i don't know i guess there is going to be that that'll be armageddon or whatever it is and uh but that could be in a hundred yeah i wear a wetsuit every night do you anyway yeah i'm not afraid yeah picture lloyd bridges you take precautions you have an earthquake a safety picture of lloyd wrenches we have a picture lloyd bridges i'll remember him from sea hunt he could certainly handle water do you have the earthquake no i don't have the earthquake yet i don't know i i figure you know uh it's a long way from where we are in the bedroom to the basement uh-huh and by the time you get down there the whole house is on you so that you're trying to get out of all that gravel and stuff to the kid where's the kid honey [Music] they say you should stand in a doorway why who's coming in hi how you doing welcome to our house yeah how's it doing on your side we're going to go through chickamauga twice your little people are going to have to get it right this time honey you can have grit some sausage [Music] i can't keep up the rhythm are you folks still teed off about the civil war down south well well no i mean i think they are in virginia a little bit yeah my boyfriend just did a job in virginia and he said that uh yeah he said that uh not only did they think they won the war they thought they fought it alone and and apparently if you're not an ffb that's the first family of virginia then you just don't count are you a first family of virginia uh i i don't believe i am i'm from tennessee so i don't know you know you have a picture of a first family in your wallet of somebody from virginia no and he didn't either and he didn't get along well yeah do folks accuse you of faking the accent or is this your normal speaking voice no who usually accuses me of faking it well they don't accuse me of faking it they say oh come on you know is that really real it's people from memphis yeah yeah but they talk more like texans see i'm up from appalachia where we talk like this right you see yeah how are things at home you keep in touch with your friends yeah everything's good you know all the girls in their 30s talking about divorce i don't know and you're a single lady aren't you yes i am your parents have to want each one should get married no they never did they always said if they had to do it again they'd live together they're in their 70s you know they're elderly we're going soon i hear you we'll be going soon move them horses out move them horses we won't be able to drive the bmw through virginia okay surely i think we ought to force feed them this see what happens this is one of the oldest oldest civil war veteran right here he said he was shot in the hands in the head he feels good though he still hasn't gotten his veterans checked no no check yet do you have any plans for marriage do i have any plans for marriage your folks ask you that oh no they don't yeah they don't they're they're like funny they're 70s so they're real southern gothic liberal you know they're they're you know what that is no but it sounds wonderful but it sounds like they have one of those raked volvos what's a southern gothic liberal well they really don't want me to get married but they don't want me to be doing anything else either you know i just leave power tools in [Applause] that's right and down south they run them on kerosene too they don't even have that where's mom just cutting wood shut up that belt center's been gone for about a week now we just talked about power tools no no the hearts on this side all right john back the truck up grandpa needs to move we're coming right back i think yes we are folks i uh i thank you for coming tonight park you two guys were simply marvelous tonight both of you [Music] my uh and my uh my greatest contribution of the show tonight was to stay the hell out of the way you couldn't have been better thank you guys see you on davis rules robin we'll see you um the fisher king opens uh tom's friday and many other places opens friday and many other places there's also this year probably not another nomination so don't be upset if i only could ride a horse i'd have a better chance it's we're going now we're going to go over to the quails house i'd rather die here what did you say about these are poinsettias or what he says poinsettias i say poinsettia what do you say what he says always you're a wonderful man i love you and where is my gift i know you're going off in may but i was counting you know i'll be on hopefully before you go i don't cinco de mayo you can come back any time oh thank you god bless you i guess i'm going to my chair sure i just came hello boys colonel nice wonderful to have you aboard thank you sit down take a seat all right thank you sir thank you always do this yes i do thank you those little rascals will eat you yeah off that suit down down didn't you i guess i could take these off but i wanted to tell you seriously for a minute yeah i can see that i uh i started from alaska about six days ago we're not talking about skateboards you know on little rollers or things like that or a car i had uh 16 dogs and i want to tell the people out there this they were not live dogs because i'll tell you for many reasons there are a lot of animal lovers like myself and you whip those poor devils you know you're starting up there in anchorage and you come on swing down through gnome and i catch a can by the time you get into oregon there's no snow and these guys are and it's it's depressing dogs can be manic depressive you know and especially there's no bone you throw them a little meat and they turn around and i had a guy i had 16 dogs 16. oh yeah a lot of goodies huskies huh huskies yeah well i guess uh they were certainly big dogs and um could be malamutes malamutes take a choice yeah uh i had a guy up with the lead dog because of the dog instantly i said they weren't real dogs and they weren't they had a key in them and they whoo they looked like they were real the guy was real and he had full leather on i whipped him pretty good and uh he turned around and smiled and said i love it i love it so uh but you made it from alaska all in one shot and these are like old indian uh i guess you're right you're very observant yeah uh these are i think i want to be right on this because you want to get letters uh i think they're ch i bought them in minnesota i think they're chippewa could be chippewa today maybe the ines now i need to clap about six yeah it could be nest pierce ness piercings off the bus got a small suit up in there yeah a lot of shoes out there and uh can i put those there for a while please do they're not yours uh all right quite lovely i'd like to have you you know thank you very much all right very attractive man thank you uh i get lonely during the holidays you sure do yeah i was an only child oh i made moves on lots of guys in the softball game but you know i'll cut it out john well it's good to see you again well it's a fun time of the year boy i'm up for it for a guy doesn't drink you know or smoke they invite you to all these parties they're all cereal it's done getting better than that and they're little tongues you know they're picking up on cookies and everything they're like you know well-dressed kind of regimental thai lizards they have and i uh then a woman came to me the other night very attractive woman about 42 little mileage and uh so i did it nearly as much as my wait a minute please i'm 66. i was very happy to be there um i'm happy to be every day i get up you're right wow wow another day we have bars on our windows we're frightened you know on well where i was before that boy guy came up the other day he said uh you got any uh funny drinks in there you know any fruitcake i brought him a fruitcake and of course it blew up on him before he got to the car you have been in the past been the christmas party both of us have been to christopher 20 years ago where we had you know more than well we had to crawl out you know on our hands and knees and try to make out where the car is it's embarrassing to spend a whole evening you know in my car mr winters don't you know what i wouldn't have said i know no what kind of car is it i know know that or if you brought one a real car a as a black car now there's a tires yeah but this time of year now this time of year do you go out shopping at all oh yes you do i do i i understand a lot of executives and from all walks of life uh just kind of say helen get a lot of stuff send it to the employees yeah and just tell them my senate uh so she gets goes out and gets you know pencil holders or something and it's a you know that thing about it's the thought that counts yeah that's uh you know it's like saying here it's a thought that counts a guy goes gee people today in my family want money used to be you know a couple of bucks and a nice sweater you know a pair of skates or something uh we don't have any place to skate but well i'm talking about ice skates but at least you know you can dream of some that's another thing maybe next year that's right uh but it's like i need 10 grand so do i yeah yeah what's the matter the washer's out ask john but god's sake i know you've got it dad come on help me i just helped your brother yeah yeah yeah his whole house fell down yeah now uh mom now mrs winters how how is that how was the little lady the little woman is uh she's doing very well she's she is she like big ticket items for christmas i mean with jewelry stuff like that or do you get her she's a major appliance or something or eileen i know you're listening she's a little tight uh-huh i don't mean this uh it's a little i think a better word is she a little close you know what she told me she gave me a lovely car and used oh yeah yeah and she said i'm not putting out 45 grand for a car you clown so i said would you get something around 15. you know i got to drive something that's halfway decent so uh she said yeah so this year a couple of weeks ago i said what are you kind of like a little kid yeah i'd like to play a little boy because sometimes you can sucker them in she's she's about my age and so i leaned in i said why are you getting me this year big mama she doesn't like that terminology and she said the same thing you got last year so i guess i have to go along with that yeah okay we have to take a break here and then we'll come back and we'll talk about christmas pastor whatever you want to be okay [Applause] [Music] ah remember the dancing to that music yeah oh yeah you missed the uh the big band stuff oh boy i love the big bands that's why we got the big band here duke ellington [Applause] great doc just just fanta and all the guys so nobody's offended a single out doc he's usually hated you know in some way by a guy in brass section or something oh yeah for being a leader but uh most of the guys i'd say at least 98 love you right probably two guys didn't you give you a gift right i don't like it doc what what gift is a kid did you remember that you just you wanted there a skates a wagon i mean do you remember back when you were little when i was little yeah baby rival yeah well the daisy bb guys got the guy next door picking those things out of his head oh yeah yeah oh no i'm kidding about that because i know there are a lot of children listening um i did load up though and fire up this guy and a couple of squirrels got here didn't uh didn't i remember you didn't mod fricker used to read christmas poems or well i yes mard frickert uh did a little thing i don't have any of the drawings but i did a routine with the old lady and i had the the gray hair you know and the bun in the back and the long dress and a little brooch and it was uh you know at this time of year johnny i always come out with my christmas cards and i was influenced highly by grammar moses i'm 94 years old 94. and the clown on the nbc hour always says another pretty woman you know oh dude any rate i don't want to mention his name uh he knows who he is he wears several rugs and then uh any rate i have these little cards and i they're simple because you know there are a lot of simple people out there right so i draw for instance just a stick figure and then little circles of snow oh last night and sell the card for about 56 dollars tell them an old person that's out of it you know sympathy sympathy yeah yeah sick card or something um did lenny still work at the house there was a house man lenny forgotten about lenny hi grandma how you doing i've asked you never to come in here at this time of year your mouth full of that tobacco you nasty man grasshopper and levi's get out of here well russian you ladies lay up there in bed and suck on that eggnog your dog here come here growler i don't teach him to bark at me all right lenny was a caution wasn't he yeah one of the better farms do you see him outside of the show at all you uh well not since i'm married yeah well i i didn't mean no i didn't mean in that sense i mean it's a as a social thing you know yes i do we work yeah well i guess so hey listen what honey would i be on the line and asking you to turn the dress around imagine what that would cause at a christmas party well we'd get a couple of laughs anyway yeah um yeah i've been over to i've been over to jonathan's house my husband and i went on to visit him one time in santa barbara now what's what's it like well getting into the house is an experience because you have to call from the front gate and you know somebody answers the phone and buzzes you in actually and we called and we got the rules been rented quit calling here oh you know and it was jonathan of course we called six times somebody somebody different people all jonathan yeah and then he finally let us in and we were frisked remember that well just me anyway you had left my husband alone i didn't touch him i uh i we've electrified the gate since i so are you it's funny to see those people and it's a big sign you can't miss it of course it's in thai all right but they just kind of don't know i think that's kind of fun for the holidays did you did you go where he paints huh you know he has yes i went uh paints extremely well went to jonathan's room um well room 319. no and he has a a collection of a bunch of toys old toys and different hats yeah he has soldiers and um certainly was almost a museum of jobs all through the house just one room i think is what eileen i think it gives you eileen said the one room for the one boy you know yeah she doesn't uh i wanted to put my paintings up i don't know what i told you but she did let you put them up backwards unfortunately but they're all hanging all around that's what i was going for thanks jennifer no when i see the show i get the feeling sometimes that especially jonathan is not following what the writers may have written for that week's episode really would i be fairly correct on that no yes you are correct uh jonathan that's what's so great being on this show for me i i come from second city in chicago and i love to improvise and the in this series it's just very unique because of course we get a script every week and we sit around the table and we read it and then we get onto the uh onto the set and we start doing the scenes and jonathan does whatever the hell he wants basically so it makes it so you've got my job oh sure i try to keep up with him um sometimes she didn't have to try yeah she's ahead of me in many many ways and i say again you know i'm not your agent or your husband i'm certainly an elderly fan would expect some candy you know sometime over the holidays but no she's a very gifted lady we just haven't we've had a ball together and uh i just hope that like most people when they have a little run at this game that you get a couple of years i uh i look back over my shoulder and when people say to me like they would say to bonnie or johnny you're talking about you guys got 29 years i mean uh usually mine is about a season in two months now why is that why then jack lord runs across in the jeep getting me out of here and uh hawaii 5-0 surf time so and they're painting out their little you know thing there uh i remember when i went at cbs when i that was the last time it seemed to me i was there um they were painting my name out i was just going to my car you know to say and the guy said oh it's a tough break mr work [Laughter] oh yeah that's the way it goes and then they play monkey in the middle with your keys they were throwing them back and forth and jonathan was trying to painting somebody else's name in your parking sure yeah i ran over him [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] i brought you a little something you've got to be kidding me little something from the elvis estate little something here it's nice just uh can i try to should i please sit on down and we'll give you a pina colada [Music] there you are oh god here we go can i sit in the sun today we're gonna we're going to go don't be afraid i also bought you the new la medic alert it says i've fallen and get the hell away from me hello oh isn't that nice a rocking chair yes little simple things i i got you a bunch of stuff it's a little stuff to get you in your new life oh come on [Music] hey thank you for coming i really mean it this is a wild night especially with the world in such interesting i i was gonna bring you a vcr but the stores had none somebody i guess have done a little political shopping it's very difficult you see people going yeah man surrounded king and the five tvs are for me that's amazing yeah they caught the one guy they always catch the one wino all right yeah man i'm really pissed off about don king man [Applause] hold and they brought in the national guard and they didn't come with bullets which is always an interesting thing they couldn't find them they couldn't find them so they're on the streets going on everybody we are the world [Applause] ah it's a difficult thing oh yeah but you know they said they saw bmws pulling up to the radio shack that must be great they're fabulous this is great i wonder if we can get star credit if you already have it oh god i said last night thank god for quail he kept us alive for two more nights oh yeah yeah they sent him down to the hood that was great yeah he thinks he's now a homie right now yeah dan's hanging look it's guys in the hood hey there you have got to chill yeah yeah this is real death hold it right whoa what it is what it was yeah oh man you dumb yeah god the guy is he's like one taco short of a combination plate you know [Applause] [Music] i really i think that they told him about the murphy brown thing i think george said all right here's the deal i want you to go out there and talk about jerry brown jerry brown jerry brown jerry brown buster brown buster brown bastard brown buster brown audi murphy audie murphy audi murphy audi murphy brown berkey brown makes me so don't you realize that he's rain man 162 163 he's basically hey dan do you want to be president yeah five minutes to murphy brown yeah do you want to fly out to the coast yeah air force one safest plane never crashed never crashed yeah yeah that'd be good yeah it's amazing it's the greatest insurance in the world just when someone's going i'm gonna get batman georgia wait a minute wait a minute i pop him he becomes oh man that's amazing bush and bush is just out there going well thousand points of light they're not burning anymore come on down here we go got a weed and seed here we go i figured out how you do george bush basically what you do is you take john wayne and you tighten up his ass [Applause] gonna have the wagon trains on north come on with me yeah you need to drive as good a comment guys i never thought you never thought of it john wayne oh it's frightening then you just bring it up a thousand points right up there there you go right sir gonna have the wagon train through cash some checks here we are it's an amazing thing here and you look instead of cowboy boots there's top ciders it's a wonderful thing it's i mean it's all this stuff i mean blaming he goes off to first they blame first they start off blaming the welfare programs of this society yeah and then they go for murphy brown next thing he's going lincoln did it all wrong freed people before he had the plan in place [Laughter] wrong finger what's going on what do you think of parole perot's amazing this is uh the guys that hit in the pools hasn't said anything hasn't said anything well you know he's not going to write a bad check i'll tell you what i'll hey i own it come on down here how about this i'll cover the scene in five days drinks on me come on in i have a strange feeling if he gets elected he's gonna get in there go thank you all very much it's just wonderful that you did this and it's me [Applause] he looks like he's wearing a halloween man i think the reason a lot of people like parole they think he's frank perdue of the pre-chicken yeah i never of these chickens raised them myself i haven't got a foreign policy but these chickens do oh god and clinton everyone basically cleaned the whole thing about if he slept with different women it doesn't matter if he's i don't care if he's slept with a chicken if he's got a foreign policy and an economic plan great this is a whole other thing yeah imagine if you know you do have a president they finally slept with the sheep and then how was he not bad you know you draw the line there that's it thank you there we go and you got jerry brown and uh songs who was uh basically songs was like hello yeah a little bit yeah he was over i have a fiscal budget uh oh if i could just get that election yeah go anyway oh i think clinton made a big mistake when he said i didn't inhale yeah that's yeah that's very that's a hard one to pull off yes jerry brown's problem was he never exited [Applause] [Music] you like that i love that thank you here's the type of guy people look at jerry brown and go oh my god the man's gonna have a bake sale for the army people ever hurry he's like the gestalt president i guess that leaves uh buchanan's always over there is the anti-bush just waiting don't make a bad news and they've got all those right to life people i mean that was the whole murphy brown issue i mean now they're wondering right to life is he for life is he against life that doesn't matter it's that whole thing when the right to life people that i go with you not to see these children they they're right to life but the moment they're born they go i'm out of here yeah as soon as they get that call bye-bye what do you do you said you still have your uh ranch you call it a ranchette or a rancher a rancheros ranchero geez he's a big ranch up there not like ron i don't go up there a lot i see hanging out there's ron with nancy going move it old man let's go all right let's go yep let's get on the horse even the horse is going again the horsey is ready the horse are my friend what meant norm what oh now the new baby yes there is a new baby yeah six months old six months it's amazing yeah wow that's the two hours three three i have three children that i know of of course no there's an amazing thing because um when they're born they're so exquisite they're perfectly formed this is a little boy yeah perfectly formed and then these incredibly huge cojones reef as we say your grandfather had a great set too i don't know it's amazing i think i hope it grows into these i don't think i'll just keep getting proportionately the same where it's like hi i'm here [Applause] we're out here tomorrow night what do i care [Applause] when you came out for a moment i said my god my god something's wrong with him the blonde hair i assume is for a motion picture roll or yes it's um bleach from the sun on the ranch or yeah just you know just i did this i just i'm so happy to be here i don't have my own little cable talk show welcome to in your ear my guests tonight are mother teresa rapping with robin rapping with robin we'll be right back feels like one of those things has guests like uh here my guests are mother teresa and rudely later mason reese will be along mother teresa is here pushing her near perfume it's called compassion the scent of sentiment i know i did this um for a movie people look at you go why why is that you're here man no it's why was it important to be blonde in the picture uh just to kind of bother people i think and it's for this to be it's a strange movie it's called toys yeah it's about a toy factory and i guess they wanted me to be some so people would go oh wrong no something's happened to him this is a very strange decision there's a comic picture with serious overtones or serious picture with comic overtones yes and we hope for all of those yes and you have to get it done every three weeks it's that whole thing you're sitting in a beauty brother and this whole thing and you got tin in your hair you get great reception and they've uh it's very difficult to be sitting under a hair dryer going hey how about those bulls huh hey great game yeah want some more coffee no i'm fine i'm doing real good oh but it's um i understand comic relief raised how much money do you raise this year you raised about six million dollars [Applause] [Music] it's an incredible it's an amazing thing because it's we it's just money you think of all the money in the world it's basically about a tire for one airplane but it's uh yeah it's it's the money that goes for medical aid just to keep people going you think they could do without uh one another b1 or stealth bomber right just for what's about 900 million dollars or something millionaire that's just that's spare parts yeah you know it's those things got to do it trying to make it happen points of life yeah dan what do you think about roe versus wade i prefer to float okay [Applause] i think i missed that fight yes both good fighters trying to make it happen oh what are you doing what do you do when you get any spare time when you're not doing concert and comic relief and working your material out in clubs and so forth well i try and uh i run a lot i know that i mean i run cross-country and stuff because it's so much cheaper than the old ways people aren't you know you know when you're running let me go no man you need another pair of shoes it's very difficult but i'd run this because you get that endorphin yeah which is like uh your body's way of saying this really hurts i'm going to medicate you that's why you see marathon runners are just like how are you doing hmm but i i remember you got a little heartbeat now that marathon runners get oh that's real hard like something like 36 or 40 minutes basically down around squirrel i mean but where you get that really really really low heartbeat it's like [Laughter] [Music] oh i mean i try and do a lot of different things i mean it's um um just and i play with my children a lot that's [Applause] important thank you very much [Applause] i'm just gonna do i'm just gonna do my one emmett kelly joke and we'll go on so you were mentioned in the emmett kelly will thank you okay it's time for an amish christmas once again how you doing not bad this is it's a wonderful night look at this fabulous feeling you have here chestnuts roasting in a microwave jack frost flying up your nose now hey wait a second don't know who you are you know billy conley is on the show all the time and he he talks just exactly like that you know billy conway yeah it's amazing when you hear it you know it's english somewhat it's a it's they call it it's a it's a bur it's not a brogue it's a bird a bear which has a tiny brogue or something that goes flying up you that's incredible you see minion skirts and you don't see anything you know look you can tell what religion you are nobody's [Applause] what were you uh doing in scotland you're working uh yeah i was doing uh i'm still an accent i can't get rid of it i'm working on a movie with bill forsyth who's uh scottish director it's called being human big stretch for me and uh i've been it's five different historical periods it takes place over six thousand years and then we went we went is this the one i've heard about it where uh are you reincarnate uh reincarnated if you're various incarnations of you the same i come back as different people no i'm english channeling right now which is so cool [Applause] yes it's five well it's actually you could look at it that way you say it's five different people i mean there's different people different people i see five different people uh better name for the movie be five guys named hector it sounds like a musical but it's been interesting because we shot in scotland uh which was amazing then we went to morocco which is a pretty unusual place fairly opposite it couldn't get more you could not it's not the end of the world but sometimes you can see it i mean sometimes you eat certain foods and you'd be amazed that the world falls out of your ass [Applause] all of a sudden it's like aliens well it's quite beautiful i mean there's wonderful parts of it there's a 9th century city uh there's a city called fez which is a beautiful beautiful city it says no cars just donkeys and there's muslim universities all nine muslim universities are there and they have no basketball teams how long were you actually in morocco i was there for about a month where do you stay there what are your accommodations like um it was a tent mr williams you must go now please you must you stay there's american hotels and then you drive you drive on roads that are there was one road with three lanes and you share the middle lane with lots of different things summer trucks one do you mean be amazing you're driving there's a big truck coming for you some of them they they pile them so high it looks like they're wearing a bad toupee you know and then all of a sudden you'll be going in and the driver will pass and it'll be like a donkey going you're going here don't you care but i lived good for you and uh the movie toys opens uh this week and aladdin now this thing is is like doing a huge huge business isn't it yeah it's it's amazing you've done other cartoon work before other voice work before how much i thought you're going to talk about some of my earlier film things some of you earlier yes i've done i did a cartoon called fern gully i did uh aladdin it's great with disney because you do the voice and then they draw that which is great because it's total freedom yeah you okay that's okay it's like two old jews on the bus [Applause] it's nice that you came on phlegm night [Applause] we'll be right back [Music] were you were you uh i guess you were out of the country were you out of the country for the election is that about the same time yeah i had to send in the uh absentee yes sir what do you think of the outcome i think it's quite amazing i think this will be one of the few i mean now that he's elected he'll have one of the only cabinets with a horn section of the interior larry aquarius [Applause] [Music] and now please from the supreme's court yeah thank you wow uh are you uh participating in any of the activities any of the i guess they have like a six inaugural balls i think something like that that's a lot hurt no i've been invited i hope i can go it'd be fun to just i've never been to any white house wonder why like here i'm gonna miss dan i just wish i could just have him hang around as secretary of the inferior just just so he could be around to go god bless you danny just hang out and try and spell it'll be interesting to see what the man fashions for himself from now i mean he was he had a successful career prior to his vice presidency i don't know i mean maybe maybe have his own shopping network just i mean i don't know i certainly can't go on sesame street because even the kids go oh no not even close potatoes s-p-u-d yeah now speaking of uh of of kids uh are your kids now of an age when they know a little bit more about you as as what you do for a living do they go to the movies or they go to atlanta do they hear your voice and your character zelda went to london she want she wanted the genie doll which is you know it's fun and daddy didn't get anything from it it's the wonderful world of disney we all know what scale means but uh i mean it's fun to try and shop for her it's very difficult now to be politically correct when you want to buy the right doll you know you don't know what we're too violent or you know you're looking for the miss pms doll it's it's the crampy dog comes with its own mood swing you know buying stuff for her is very hard i mean children at a certain point do they get jaded they get oh oh really oh great that's nice what's that what's a maserati oh great i just what do you buy her but she but she's been wonderful because i the nice thing is she's been trying to do this thing where she goes through her stuff and giving stuff away which is kind of wonderful well that's good good for her now when she goes to the how old a girl is she she's 40 now she's three she's three years old and i have cody who's one who is roaring around the house he has these kind of he kind of free-forms which is great he uh he talks it's like a man where does that come from i don't know let go of it don't touch that tony uh cody is the the child you had with uh kathie lee of course yeah we don't tell a lot of people that david we share a child matthew uh let's look at uh some of the new movie uh toys you and barry levinson back together also uh ll cool j's in it last night it was weird because l.l cool jay showed up at this premiere in chicago and some woman was kind of half tanked and went i love you l.l bean [Music] there's a white person really trying hard yo ella bean world jackets what's up what's up [Music] you look like a before and after ad it's a nice thing this is from the elvis navajo phase ike turner had a garage sale get out of here it's a fetching garment isn't it and if you pull this i light up very few people have them to wear an ottoman it's an ottoman yes i could just stay here all night [Applause] a very good customer the freudian jacket i don't know how you doing i'm very good you look uh you look rested relaxed god bless you god bless you because i just got back from the betty boop hospital have you been at least all these cartoon characters were covering popeye going unclean you know i've been actually i did go to a spa one of those didn't you really yeah well they do those kind of you know they have these very relaxation exercises and you have a pina colada in the morning hello hello god hello thank you good night bye and they actually have this thing up past life regressions where they really yeah they kind of help you find past lives other people in the group were coming and saying i was nefertiti and i turned out to be phil a guy from new jersey i'm a furrier i'm still alive give me back my life you bastard channel again let go of me why i don't know it's a sad thing it must have been quite a revelation it was it's nice i'm jewish you're a gentile get away but it's uh it was relaxing and well that's good i'm glad here were you there with your entire family you're just a little solitude or just uh just my wife and i we're good for you we left the kids in the trunk no no no no no no no we took some time off so now when you when you come to new york city uh i don't know how long you're in town for but how do you spend your day how do you give us an example of your actual today well new york is always a fun place to walk around because you get people i walked up today it was like oh god how you doing mr williams god mrs doubtfire is very funny you know you're much more attractive as an older woman thank you thank you very much well a compliment is a god bless you god bless you you know and then you go you walk around you know i saw hillary clinton buy a hot dog she gave the guy a dollar he gave her back ten thousand dollars [Applause] she's good she's good with money what can you say she just invested it blossoms what can i say the white water rafting trip who knew what what do you uh well and then the rest of time it's nice in new york because you thanks for putting me up in that great hotel sure yeah are you with the lemon joe here's your key and here's some towels good luck and the rest of time you sit up there watching you know the little channel surfing uh kevorkian was on mtv yeah he's on him tv yeah unplugged [Music] [Applause] and i was wondering if you if you knew uh bill clinton if you have any impressions of the administration have you been to washington uh i've not been there yet i'm very excited about bill this whole healthcare plan has got me very excited i can't wait till he does the first ad hi do you know me bill clinton for american medical express you know thanks for now you can have surgery and get air travel miles would you believe it i flew the mazatlan on my colon and you get this lovely combination fanny pack and colostomy bag hello hello thank you i think they're doing well i think they're holding up fairly well i think you know i mean he was at the funeral the funeral itself you know richard nixon yes thank you for telling people who don't know those are some points i said bob hope was there i was expecting him to snap at any moment wow that's really wild this is crazy about to take the dirt nap okay here we go i don't know um sorry enough people are going i'll stop right there we know the line ronald reagan was there kind of you could see him he was going i'm going to miss henry no and when they had that 21-gun salute gerald ford everybody down alexander hague i'm in charge you're not even in line not even in line give it up but it is it is a transitional time it is an amazing you know i watch that is things get wackier and wackier by the day by the moment as they say you know south africa big election that was great mandela is in power big white sail now things are going quick people going this is the night where people go cold please help us this is also a stage you can also keep meat here on dave's lovely meatloaf a lovely assortment of food but it's like yeah there's uh these are amazing times i think you know i think we're at the gun control about to pass that it's always amazing the national rifle association comes out on these things it won't make a difference as a hunter i need a silencer why because there's a deer going that was 38 no maybe we realized that this they always bring back the constant it's in the constitution well when it was passed to the constitution it's basically a lot of people going like this come on man i can't load it fast enough maybe they should legalize crossbows there's a weapon that's like oh wait a minute oh god no wait or you go the other way and you you form the national association of nuclear armament nana you know and so everyone will have their own little atomic bomb someone breaks into the house boom they're gone and so is the house so you solve a few problems right there man you just you put away some problems right there i'm just throwing some stuff out i appreciate that thank you thank you for saying the name right my man i'm not calling it you manager or something else oh it's my pleasure so crazy not calling it jim johnny no no or in the south people calling you in that movie jambalaya well you know that wouldn't be a bad film at all it's a lot of shrimp enjoy what what what does the word mean does it mean anything or just something somebody thought means it is a kosher intelligent italian restaurant this is where we serve the lovely al dente it is a old word meaning money yeah jumanji it's a game actually dave it's uh it was a book before it's a wild little concept yeah all the time switching into bob hope hi nice to be back i'll tell you is it crazy or what is it cold in here am i just smuggling diamonds thank you thank you happy new year i hope you had a lovely christmas how did you spend your christmas you're the family with it's always great when they have a couple of cocktails you know all of a sudden i never loved your father i don't care aunt lola it's okay it says come here and give grandma a kiss no no i'm 40. i really don't want him you know the tryptophan kicks in and all of a sudden everybody's going everyone have a night yeah how about the kids do they still hit him so you got some great yeah i got the they i think my daughter zelda got the shinato connor chia pet well that's nice and the long island barbie which comes with a little joey doll don't pull my cord okay how you doing okay hey nice to see you or um the newt gingrich uh constitutional etch a sketch which is a lot of fun i didn't know they had one just rub it and there it goes it vanishes gone i did i took cody to see santa claus uh after christmas which was kind of a bummer cody is the the child that you had with kathy lee right yes it's our football nerd baby all of a sudden there's frank gone you really didn't cody's yeah cody's four now and i took him to see santa claus and they you know he gets up on santa's lap and goes sir what would you like my little friend and he goes credit cards no yeah that was and he wanted a 10 000 limit which okay tell me about uh uh you know bonnie hunt of course was uh on the english show a couple weeks ago talking about the movie and and a lot of it is acting uh i guess in front of just like nothing and then they put the stuff in here like for example there's a thing there's a stampede at the time it was just a teamster with an ex going i'm a rhino and then later you're supposed to go don't be afraid i'm not that hungry and then there was also and it's a combination of computer graphics and animatronics which are you know there's mechanical and there's an alligator in the movie and at one point i'm wrestling with this alligator and i thought well i'll improvise i'll get a little crazy and i'll i'll be really manly and i banged it on the head and all of a sudden from inside i heard hey there was a guy going come on lighten up enough of this message stuff okay you know he's hanging out the back the alligator's ass going i gotta eat man there's 12 guys that work it and there was a lion too that had you know this big kind of you know scary line and occasionally they they do a wrong move in the line but al i broke a [Applause] wow let's stop i really can't go on i've got a hairball uh you want to talk about your little trip you sound like you had a very nice holiday with your friends yes david man i went to the caribbean talk about a big big boat to the caribbean go from island to ireland i don't see eye and i with everybody i and i it was wonderful how long were you going i was gone one week here but it seemed uh it was beautiful yeah yeah it's one of those things where you know you just have the captain going everybody below that car ow ow that's not good no that's yeah very funny toy very relaxing beautiful scenery oh gorgeous did you do any fishing snorkeling scuba diving yes dave all of a sudden you slip into the tiny fish waited for me under the water yeah the male dolphin found me attractive oh look out here he comes which is with air this was the entire family anybody gets seasick yes uh well we all i came with the flu which was nice to be on a lovely trip and how is it you know it's like club medicated after a while you're enjoying the trip it's beautiful i love seeing the sea like this but it was that you know it's nice to go from island to island yeah yeah that's great you park off there sure people come to me chew on the island and then everyone loves you down there they say when you see your friend david letterman tell him he's doing great they'd swim out to the boat and you uh now this this wasn't the uh i know this is a whole different other deal you actually spent time with dolphin or eight more than one yeah no well we i swam in this uh this documentary where we went out and swam with these spotted dolphins in the open sea yeah and i met a dolphin named stubby really yeah that sounds like yeah yeah a little little the little walter brennan another scene are you going to stay for a while it was pretty wild because you know regular dolphins like you know wild dolphins are not like the ones in marine world which are kind of like you know sea going lap dancers like yeah give me some fish i'm yours you know they tell you one actually i was the only guy and i think the whole world actually piss off a dolphin at once on my first day they said they had this dolphin swim into like this it was part of this program where they came in and you're supposed to pet them and i i must have touched something because it was like bam i was like oh really flippers yeah nice to see you welcome back to the big program oh thank you mr lemon nice to be back and shopping this once again how was your holidays you do anything nutty fun nutty wacky wild i went down to australia day down there oh really have you been before a couple of times before dave it's beautiful down there don't be afraid to go down there you're big down there you're huge and you're facing the other way you know they've got animals down there they've got kangaroos you know stunning animals down there it's nice to go to a store get yourself a kangaroo burger you open up there's another little burger inside and the good eating doesn't taste like chicken but damn it if it doesn't get you gang soundingly down there you know there's no ozone but hey what the hell you're out there going oh it's hot no it's more than that guys are going don't be afraid robin let me just show you around the beach i don't need sunblock sun blocks for wusses come out [Applause] let me ask you a question and we'll talk about the uh we're here for you are you is my anderson just going to connect the dots on your time oh look it's cleveland it's my understanding that you're spending uh a lot of time with president clinton is that true are you spending some time with president clinton well you know we've talked over a period of time i've had buddy dance with my leg come on buddy come on boy come on buddy let go now here come on son but actually what it was a very strange thing we got a call one day uh he was in san francisco and i went oh how nice we get a call at about four o'clock in the afternoon from i guess the white house saying uh hello this is one of those unusual calls but the president would like to stop by i went i'm not buying any newspapers click yeah now first of all does he have your home number yeah it calls once in a while no really tell me what you think of this joke now come on now tell me now you know come on that would be true but uh no i someone had the number and they called and all of a sudden if you say yes in about 30 minutes these all of a sudden guys in black suits who talk into their sleeves and you're hoping they're not on medication we are near the refrigerator and they're doing a cavity search on the dog in the garden i was like hey come on okay go and then he showed up that then about a couple of hours later he shows up with hillary with hillary right his wife yes and and then what do you do just watch tv or yeah just hey you want some nutty buddies come on in come on buddy come on up can i get here beer how about some popcorn hey let's just show what fun movies come on now you've seen boogie nights let's watch oh watch out it's in 3d [Applause] it was my mother's birthday it was your mother's birthday and he took a picture with my mother and it was it was it was at this point you're going oh well fine he leaves and not next call you expected who is it it's the pope open up robbie i just come back to see your mother don't be afraid it's a you're on a list it's like man come on open up i just want to say hi and when did i become italian right now uh what is wonderful but now now uh now when you're with the president can you actually have a conversation and relax and and be friendly and have legitimate exchange with or is it always that kind of oh you don't want upsetting me to want to say something dumb you know what i mean boy your wife looks real pretty all of a sudden you slip into a house she's a doer all but [Applause] there's a certain amount of respect i get i get afraid that i'm going to say you know drop or just do something bizarre get that get that comedy tourette's that i have yeah can i use the hotline yeah can i yeah how about this hey oops there goes moscow you sure you don't have the football win now have you ever have you ever been to like uh camp david um i'm not a liberty to tell you that sir at this time i'm sorry if you've asked that question if i respond to and give you the correct answer i'll have to kill you and everyone who had told you to ask that question i'm sorry sir i can't respond to that right now have you seen pictures like a guy in the balcony going no answer hi uh but have you uh have you seen pictures of camp david i have sir i've heard about it and could could visitors go up there for like a weekend just come go with a bag yeah hi yeah tell him i got a picture of him and my mom just here to say hey i made some really fun stuff yeah okay i'll take all my clothes now thank you i think it's not so i think but if you have been invited up there what kind of things might you have done oh so this is indirectly acting so theoretically yeah theoretically what am i going that's amazing do you think oj is calling ted gazinski like kid come on man i mean i can't theoretically answer that i mean that's like ray charles at the louvre i don't know i'm going like you know it might be interesting dave i'm not sure all right we'll move on to another time swear to god man please for the safety of me and my family i can't but the likelihood does exist that you perhaps might have spent time at camp david the likelihood does exist there is that likelihood maybe i don't know all right am i actually supposed to like now give blood and urine this is i i i can't answer man don't do this to me brother move on no we don't have to move the journal we'll adjourn here for a couple of commercial announcements then we'll come back and we'll continue the interrogation [Applause] brought a few hats so qt you have all these books out you have true fish stories when the ball was round kernels bullets and mud this is such a handsome picture of you i didn't know you were actually in the service yes i was in the service my name is edmund frillaby and uh i used to be sir but it was taken away from me it was take your time yes i was in the kyber past and i was naughty this is uh this is a book it's a i think a marvelous book i i hope they all read my my my book on humility it's pretty much the one page colonel's bullets and mud and of course this is me i was at the time 15 fusiliers mother and father were missionaries they were beaten to death and i went to war because of them when i was a poor child i loved the war because it gave me an opportunity to dress up wonderful uniforms brightly colored you see and i felt important for the first time in my life i noticed that you're highlighting colonel's bullets in mud why the mud i got a victoria cross for throwing the biggest mud pie is that the equivalent to the purple heart i'm not a much more oh no it was equivalent to the congressional your congressional medal of honor oh the victoria cross i met the queen one time you did king was on holiday but uh i met the queen and very lovely stuffy well don't they teach you a demeanor i mean you're supposed to gen you know a bow and i sat on my lap it's amazing how your mind works you just go from uh one personality to the other yes you know oh dear qt marlins that was my pen name my real name is lamar gene gundler lamar how old are you i'm 96. how do i look seriously i can handle it you look great you look like a kid oh here we go when was the last time you actually played ball i'm not deaf oh i started playing ball i had i came from a big family there were 12 others six girls and and six boys dad fled after the fourth child your father left her for the fourth child but yet there were how many more after that whatever i said but they were ugly and dad didn't like ugly people you know yeah i wish it that well you're 96 years old i mean lamar you've got to understand that some things are going to go oh i get it these are all my own teeth flavor now what do you attribute that to oh chewing on leather when i was confined you are confident were you you were in a prison or committed or well let's call it a let's call it a a rehab place yeah the walls were higher than i bargained for but i don't understand the title when the ball was round when was it not round is it that's in my book here that's a very good question the one i didn't bargain for well at any rate all of us played with rocks and we'd paint them white and pretend and put a little my one sister emily lee put little stitches on she would paint the stitches on a rock on a rock and of course i pitched and of course you if you in those days there weren't any you know uh helmets no headgear i lost one brother that way his eyes went like this and he was gone we buried him uh close to third base lovely tribute and i don't know who we're going to talk to next fish fish it's getting close to winter anyway true true fish stories yeah i think that's a clever title because you know when you say fish stories people assume it's a lie well i i like so much down through the years about everything the clergy just waved me off i'd go into a church or temple or tent forget it you laura now god god will handle a liar you know sure i was told this by a congregationalist this is a pen name yes yes i realized that because my name is archibald oh but q team makes me more important there's a picture of me back here isn't that looking oh archibald look at you i don't think we can show that no i don't think we can either yeah i'm standing naked but side of marlin that's quite a big fish that's one thing when i was to fish i'd drink a lot you know and i because you're out there a long time you sit there in a boat and uh you know you can go through a six-pack just moving away from the dock now before every show we asked the audience to write different suggestions down for stuff what's the dead rabbit for my old career uh so uh we asked the audience right now different suggestions for things that they like to see we think the good ones put them in the sat and see how many of these guys can think of all right if entertainers worked funerals please gather around the body it's not there anymore huh thank you [Applause] is this the loved one all right start the truck johnny wow look at him move that incredible ladies and gentlemen with just 6 volts you can make your relatives dance again [Applause] [Applause] a dog [Applause] harry and i would like to thank you all for coming [Applause] famous hollywood roles as played by carol channing oh god i know what you're thinking did i fire seven shots you six well to tell you the truth in all this confusion i've forgotten myself so you have to ask yourself one question feel lucky [Applause] well surely you must be the son of god [Applause] i'm sparty kids all right that was really fun things you don't expect to hear when you put your ear to a seashell game spidey kids who's your daddy oh it's going bad choices to make when your genie grants you three wishes [Applause]

Channel: StecStudios

Views: 544,477

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Id: rS2X_ArV5vc

Length: 109min 50sec (6590 seconds)

Published: Sat Dec 11 2021