r/Maliciouscompliance "FINE! REPORT ME!" "lol ok"

welcome to our slash malicious compliance we're entitled jerks get exactly what they asked for our first reddit post is from crack Barre background part of my job involves taking calls from the public to offer various types of support this can range from tech support to helping people find services in our country that they need my team is me and one other person between us we have to cover 7:30 a.m. to 7:30 p.m. Monday to Friday and weekends as well because of this and the fact that the company won't invest in call waiting for us we can only take one call at a time our voicemail quite clearly states that were a small team but if you leave your name and number we aim to get back to you within 5 minutes normally people are rather understanding of our situation and are happy to wait for us to call them back but as the world is full of impatient buttholes we often get voicemails just criticizing us now this happened today and I've been wanting to react this way for a long time and finally got the opportunity to so I get a voicemail from a butthole caller this is bloody ridiculous I was told to call this number but what's the effing point in telling people to call if there's nobody to answer the phone she calls again hello you're through the company name this is Opie speaking how can I help oh so now you answer the phone what is the point of having a number if you never bloody answer it ah did you leave us a voicemail I've just listened to it but unfortunately you didn't leave any contact details so I was unable to return your call thank you for calling back how can I help you should answer every call that comes through well unfortunately there are only two people in my team including myself and there tends to only be one of us in a time so if I answered every call I'd end up having to keep putting people on hold and that really doesn't seem fair regardless though you're through at the moment and I'm happy to help you however I can you can help me by doing your job and answering the phone when it rings at this point I'm like f you lady so sod it I'll come why okay sure I'm sorry that I've annoyed you I'll make sure to answer the phone whenever it rings now how can I help the butthole caller starts to describe her problem the phone rings oh I'm sorry the phone is ringing I'll have to place you on hold wait I put her on hold I then help the person calling taking my sweet sweet time like going above and beyond just to keep this other jerk waiting plus you know it's nice to help people I take butthole collar off hold thanks for your patience now you were saying how dare you put me on hold especially oh I'm sorry the phone is ringing I'll have to place you on hold I put her on hold you can see where this goes I think I managed to keep this going for about 15 to 20 minutes before she hung up and I mean for the next 10 hours god I hope she calls back I feel like if all the malicious compliance victims of the world had a mascot it would be the surprised Pikachu face our next post is from outrun radio I work for a small company in the trades as head of the IT department aka the only IT person truthfully the gig is pretty great good pay benefits and I can come and go as I please within reason the two people I have to answer to are the VP and CEO and as is par for the course they know dick all about anything to do with technology and generally leave me be as I'm good at my job and everything runs smoothly being a small company a lot of us don't take vacations due to a building the company and be not having replacements for the time we're gone but after two years vacation lists we're in the US my wife convinces me to use the time I'm given to decompress and take a small one-week get away I talked to VP and he gives me the thumbs up to take the time barring I get everything in order and do some minor teaching to other staff in case of an emergency cool easy enter the field operations director or Fahd a man who is an attack dog for the VP for no reason as the VP is nothing but polite and reasonable Fahd loves giving everyone a hard time adding steps to task to make himself look like he's part of the process reminding everyone how much of a boss he is to the rest of us in management and calling me a nerd any chance he gets fair to say I dislike Fahd immensely after making my rounds with other staff it's fons time to do some scary computer related learning Fahd refuses to look weak under any circumstances and gets very aggressive when learning new things because I'm the boss I already know in the midst of learning it dawns on him to ask why he has to learn this stuff anyway I'm the nerd and it's my job to do this I clue him in on the week I'm taking off and this stuff is just precautionary this worries Fahd I still have to retain information answer questions and do some minor troubleshooting the conversation went something like this and I wish I could tell you this guy isn't as much of a jerk but he is who approved your vacation the VP did as long as I could get you guys comfortable with some small maintenance I only approve vacation time I'm your boss side note he does this so much that the VP actually wrote out the hierarchy in chart form and we all carry a digital copy with us to remind him who he's actually in charge of you're not and I show him the chart well fine but your salary so you have to work during your vacation you'll bring your laptop and work phone with you when you vacation you make it very clear you're unreachable and can't be bothered even if it's an emergency that's because I go to places without service and unless you're going to the mountains you have to work your salary malicious compliance initiated just to be clear if I go to a place without service I won't be expected to work yeah that's right but you're under you don't do anything out Rosi great thanks for clearing that up fast forward three weeks and it's vacation time all my ducks are in a row people are comfortable with me being gone for the week and they're all encouraging me to just disconnect a close co-worker of mine knows of the conversation fought and I had and asked what I plan to do about it so I shared my easy but effective plan one wife and I rented a cabin in the woods two hours from the nearest town and it doesn't have service to set up automatic email replies that have all IT questions and concerns forwarded to Fahd since he's the boss he knows three leave my work phone on the charger in my office with the ringer on dwara locked so he has to hear it and voicemail change to have Fahd become IT for the week coworker loves the idea of flooding Fahd with questions he can't answer so much that he gets other co-workers in on it midway through the week I get a call from my coworker with an update Fahd loses it he can't keep up with any requests for help and didn't bother to memorize the simple tasks I showed him so he does what any good boss does and puts in a request to take vacation until I get back retreat is always an option nothing screams leader more than retreat it's not weakness and failure if he's not there my co-workers were able to manage and fadh got his three-day vacation unfortunately after the week off I'm called to bp's office to catch up and get things back on track vp obviously heard of the hardship spot face in my absence and laughed at my malicious compliance surprisingly vp struck a deal with me moving forward since it was made clear to him no one else knew how to do my job i can go on vacation whenever I'd like as long as I bring my laptop and phone and check in once a week they'll refund my vacation time for that day even if I only work for five minutes I took that but with the caveat of making THAAD actually learn some of my duties just in case VP agreed now I do an hour of teaching a week to a very surly Fahd after all he said after all he's the boss he's gotta know I love that this entire office of workers has to carry around digital proof in their pockets that this guy is wrong because he's wrong so frequently what a stellar boss our next reddit post is from Annie Phoenix to give context I live in Europe in a non-english own country I've always been a language nerd and since my parents divorce English and everything in it music movies internet was my escape so I was fluent before most of my classmates and got my CPE my certificate of proficiency in English the highest certificate from the Cambridge Council at 18 in my country high schools are basically undergrad college and are finished between the age of 19 to 20 and a problem which almost all public schools have is terrible language teachers most of them being former Russian teachers with minimal English or any other language education also as my country is small and nobody could reasonably expect to use our language abroad we put a huge emphasis on language studies at all levels of education and it is often the thing which schools boast about to become more prestigious so enough context from early on my last high school English teacher and I kicked it off to a bad start the first test she gave us came back all red because of where it's what you're not in the textbook the terrible teacher would do this to me for the full final two years she would take my essays and tests and cross out any word phrase our structure which was not in the textbook we were using I maintained that I will not go as far as to learn the textbook vocabulary by heart just to remember which synonyms I was allowed to use just because of this teachers antics I have managed to keep an A for three terms because there was nothing she could mark down on my grammar the final term however the terrible teacher learned that I wish to go to university to do Anglophone studies a specialization her daughter had failed to be accepted for she told me that as explanation why I cannot ever hope to be accepted at the start of the term and which among a dozen other things required good or even perfect marks from high school language lessons and accepted only 5% of applicants terrible teacher was dead set to make me fail she started giving me the stupidest assignment and extra tests for misbehaving in class that is being finished early and silently staring at a wall which required me to mark the exact position of Disneyland on this a4 blind map of the United States an exact quote I still remember after all these years and more of the same garbage you could tell she was so satisfied by me failing these tests she would have a grin on her face each time handing out the results by this time I've been representing the school and language Olympics for both English and Spanish she had no idea because it was organized by another language teacher and even though the principal made it into a big deal the teacher was plainly uninterested I have placed third in the capital city district in Spanish and sixth nationwide in English I'm not listing this to brag okay maybe a bit but to use it later by the end of the term she got my mark down to a c-minus mind you all the grammar was still aids but her blind maps of tourist attractions had taken their toll I went to her to reason with her but her reaction was if you think a different teacher would propose a different mark take all of your documents and go to one of my colleagues but I believe it is clear to anyone that you do not deserve any better so I did I took all my documents the bloody blind maps the grammar tests my by then a year old PCE certificate in my sixth place diploma I went to the teacher who organized the competitions and explain my situation she was furious she took this to the principal and even though I was waiting outside I could hear him yell a terrible teacher you are trying to fail the student who was representing us at the national level of competitions it also turned out that with the CPE I had by that time a higher level of English education than terrible teacher had I got my a I got to the University and I loved it there I also started my own tiny language school where among of course teaching the language to whoever is interested I help kids whose language teachers are incompetent and/or power-hungry morons the impulse for me to write this was walking by my high school last week and meeting terrible teacher she acted like we have always been best buddies a couple of my students are her students as well so she knows about me she hugged me in front of the high school kids present and exclaimed that I got where I was thanks to working hard in her lessons I'm still pissed I did not get the courage to tell her off there and then they say the best revenge in life is to live well and this opt is the perfect example of that also opie I'm an American I've lived in America all my life I've actually been to Disneyland and I couldn't mark Disneyland on a blind map I am actually not sure what a blind map is I'm guessing it's a map that doesn't have any labels like the name of the state or the name of the city I know it's in Orlando and I know Orlando's in Florida but I don't know where Lando is haha on a blind map of Florida I'd fail that test too so don't feel bad Wow going back and editing this video I realized that I'm double wrong Disneyland isn't in Orlando it's in California Disneyworld is in Florida so this this teacher is be as Yop I feel bad that you had to endure that that was our slash malicious compliance and if you want to maliciously comply to me then I demand that you subscribe to my channel because I just crested 900k and I want 1 million subs so badly so please help me get there

Channel: rSlash

Views: 1,510,561

Keywords: reddit, r/, rslash, r\, sub, subreddit, best of reddit, reddit top posts, top posts, top posts of all times, funniest posts, funny, comedy, funniest reddit posts, funny reddit posts, funny reddit, fails, cringe, maliciouscompliance, malicious, compliance, r/maliciouscompliance

Id: GUe-4CcIID8

Length: 15min 43sec (943 seconds)

Published: Wed May 22 2019