r/CursedComments - Funny Posts V28

when it's almost summer and all the annoying creatures are showing up again i can counter all four of these with a car first intermission pole what is the best meat for an egg sandwich bacon 52 sausage 33 percent ham 11 other 5 chicken that way you get to eat both the parent and the child in one sandwich when you break up with your ego e-girlfriend then you hear your dad crying in his room then you hear a gunshot from his room no i will not bring my mom 4-3 son fine i will bring mine then not like other communists satire carol marx was originally a bimbo always was do you sleep naked why or why not yes i do not a fan of clothes kind of an exhibitionist also if someone make the mistake of breaking into my house they'll have to fight a six foot 230 pound naked man with a full erection and i can't think of anything more intimidating my younger brother have you seen my snacks me no that is what a scrotum looks like when you cut it open apparently the kids at summer camp are obsessed with playing an in real life version of among us and today i helped scheme with the other interns and counselors to come up with a list of tasks for the kids to do which is really just yours to be done around the farm that we don't want to do and they love it the kids love it thank you among us so who murders them when you haven't been flirted within so long you assume it isn't possible doctor you have wonderful eyes she's lost her mind so to get girlfriend i must find dying one i just checked my bank account and figured out i can live comfortably without working for the rest of my life as long as i die on wednesday don't waste your time like that die today japan urges europe to have stronger military presence in asia to counter china maybe japan could work with germany hey germany we are getting the gang back together for one more big job you son of a beach i'm in bro what the frick my pilot doing dude chill he just needs one hand to pilot the plane fricker is holding the wrong joystick zach galifianakis lights up a joint during a discussion on drug legalization thank god they weren't discussing abortion what popular sayings are actually [ __ ] good things happen to those who wait this i've been waiting for a long time and not a single car has run me over if you could freak any fictional character who would it be mystique she can shapeshift and presumable change more than just her face that seems like a big risk to me could you please just stay looking like rebecca romage and stop changing into danny devito right when i'm ready to bust these dogs work in courtrooms to help comfort victims when testifying against their abusers and they're amazing [Music] if that dog gave me those eyes i'd be arrested too girl punches a boy to start a fight boy fights back girl ham tastes like shrek assault boy slaps face with peen the ps5 me or the ps5 ps5 actually worth something she is worth way more organs and body parts cornea is fifteen thousand pounds lungs two hundred and six thousand pounds kidney 105 000 pounds blood 225 pounds per pint skin 6 pounds per square inch skeleton 5000 pounds heart 425 000 pounds liver 104 000 pounds bones and ligaments 3 600 pounds life is a free to play pay 2 win game how do i uninstall it ropes and ladders are one of many effective methods that's literally a kinder joy for crocodiles that creepy guy behind ted looks like he wants to kidnap him and keep him to himself me girl walking in front of me who probably thinks i'm stalking her me trying to move past her so i could not verbally assure her that i'm not following her she thinks i'm chasing her and walks faster hahahahaha so relatable especially when you are registered shrek's offender dear fellow teenagers don't put hand sanitizer up your ass thank you i'm freaking gonna hey she knows how to use that portal gun for good if you're a guy what you do instead is thrust your hip in one portal so you can use your own ass as an honor hole but you get double the pleasure cause you hit your own prostate if you can design grab weight builds a gun that transforms your tears into bullets if you pee in it it becomes full auto add poison effect i just realized i do yoga every day my grandpa has been doing yoga for a week kid throws rocket car once i get out of prison who wants a part two we are gonna defeat you with the power of friendship and this gun we found oh god oh frick duolingo looks like you forgot your spanish lessons again you know what happens now intruder alert backdoor proceed with caution that's obviously fake the duolingo application wouldn't actually send someone to harm you for not doing your spanish lessons duolingo bird proceeds to aim a gun at you and your family and be like say in spanish please don't hurt me and my family a horse bit me on the hand quite hard when i was young was just trying to give the a-hole a carrot now in my 40s and i'm still scared of horses should have put it in his mouth instead i put a wig on our dog you should have seen the look on the mailman's face you should have seen his boner do you just imagine how he even managed to get toothpaste inside him in the first place historic reference anime version netflix adaptation lmao imagine black as he soldier from world war ii a disabled black female as he soldier from world war ii modern problems require outstanding moves saves a few dollars on baggage fees plane crashes due to overweight hermione working to defeat voldemort harry saying expelliarmus at the right time a lot of the fans would also have liked to give hermione the full weight of their wood if you know what is this you deserve a veteran discount it was all fun and games until my sister stole it and i later realized why motorcycle helmet after a 70 miles per hour dismount almost found out how many licks it takes to get to the center 17 buzz cuts that will convince you to shave your head vegeta looks inbred i mean he is royalty just found out my co-worker is a randy vaxxer we are microbiologists i work with a flat earther at an airline i worked with a guy whose previous job had been designing missile launch systems who also thought the earth was flat i'm not entirely sure how he slept at night the children casually plays hide and seek in the bushes their grandfather who is a veteran in the vietnam war hey honey dad shot the kids again ah no worries we'll just make more what star wars quote perfectly describes your shrek's life luke i'm your father wait a minute if you could produce a sound louder than 1100 decibels you would create a black hole and destroy the galaxy that one girl in the class when light goes off you mean when light goes off she opens her ass squeeze in guys it would take a full stick of butter to get my husband in there as lubricant or as bait when your girlfriend has a twin sister so you get confused and freak her dad i hate it when it happens but luckily they are in separated cemetery at first cookie monster was confused why he was sent to hell by god but then he realized that the sinners had all been turned into cookies he wasn't being punished he was the punishment but would you enjoy a cookie if it screams at you while you bite it two pieces it would be more enjoyable that way having a dog on christmas is just the best thing ever turkey and ham myself but whatever gets you through that's a nice argument unfortunately i had shrek shall intercourse with your mother so you freak dead people a surprise to be sure but a welcome one me when i change from being happy to being morbidly depressed in 0.264 seconds grass is always greener on the other side the bodies provide needed nutrients commercials on mother's day show her your love for her commercials on father's day give him a freaking drill they make a version of those for moms too rescuers learned that the exotic bird they found was actually a seagull covered in curry i had a pet seagull as a kid but unfortunately she died of bad polio anyways we cooked her with curry because she liked curry it was the best meal of my life as european if i had to do physics in imperial system i'd rather shoot out the entire school oh i understand now i did it mom don't scroll without liking when life gives you lemons make lemonade ironically lemonades is what she died from store your loved ones ashes in a 3d printed urn in the shape of their head can i get one with an open mouth explain a film plot badly underage girl takes hardcore drugs and trips the frick out up elderly depressed man abducts obesation boy in a freaking flying house to replace his dead wife why the frick does this canadian general look like jeremy clarkson on today's episode i become a canadian military officer may drive zapanza through france and hammond gets shot and killed during the african campaign racist homophobe and worst of all fat phobe you know he killed six million jewish people right and last time i checked none of them were fat teacher the test is difficult the test find gf gf is three hold on someone is knocking at my door fbi a little imagination with olives noodles mozzarella and you're no longer allowed to cook dinner it just doesn't taste the same we're all standing up to cancer are you stand up to cancer what are you gonna do beat it up cancer is so easy my cousin is already at stage five good for you my dad couldn't even beat stage one despite their stark physical differences they share the same dna why are they in a bowl of milk don't tell me you're one of those people who eat their babies dry my mom beat cancer my mom only beat me cancer is a far stronger opponent so ggs i guess the trophy for my town's july 4th hot dog eating contest does that trophy have a suction cup base it better have that and a vibrate setting saying occupied when some knocks on the bathroom door making a louder hem sound knocking back shazine louder screeching at the top of your lungs saying come in opening the door i just throw a turd out anything is a vibrator if you're brave enough that's why i shove a beehive up my ass on occasion excuse me what the frick lightning rods double as parrot perches until that lightning comes into play kentucky fried parrot croc and bowl torture my girlfriend minding her own business my horny ass why the frick would you do that to your grandfather returning the favor brian age 24 12 miles away i recently broke up with my girlfriend because she didn't know how i liked my coffee i liked my coffee the same way i like my women without other people's tea in it i too like my women like i like my coffee ground up and in the freezer ah i see you're a man of culture too tight still good lost job at primary school though asmr insane gun sounds for sleep and relaxation whispers i just learned you can put somebody to sleep with a gun in more than one way why do people run from the rain budget dance in the shower consent you all don't strip naked every time it rains do you like chicken no do you like curry sorry no you won't like what i did did you make chicken curry for me no i freaked your sister dad seriously not again you choose your superpower but the first person to reply chooses a side effect i'm black you can't breathe bro stop making me horny if you take 1 million dollars human trafficking continues but if you turn it down human trafficking will no longer exist do you take the 1 million dollars so i get 1 million and keep my job or get nothing and lose my job pretty easy decision people who ruined worlds economies gathered to discuss how to fix worlds economies china laughing at their g1 have you gotten any vaccine yet yes 25 percent not yet 49 no plans to get any 26 got one by a drug addict must say i feel amazing afterwards it doesn't last long though so i will be getting my 12th shot where did you end our no go the move is started jacob we are freaking getting not delivered popcorn not delivered in the hall oh my god they run out of butter good luck three hours later your breast reduction was a success where is garfield who do you think took your boobs no oh why is her hand on garfield's d let me hear your war cry imagine a thousand of these all holding spears wearing tribal clothes charging at you doing that same damn war cry somewhere in an alternate universe darth vader goes back in time to save padme only to run her over with a delorean nadian adams father was killed by the taliban when she was a child she fled afghanistan in a truck at the age of 11 finally arriving in denmark now she scored 200 goals and represented the danish national team 98 times studying to be a surgeon role model for everyone see taliban wasn't that bad they helped your career hiroshima they all got roasted that day i'm here for a good time not a long time that's not how that works you're not just healthy and then suddenly die at a younger age you start to suffer from severe health problems at a younger age those problems would last for decades while your body fights to survive thanks daily dose i'll take this advice and make sure to end my life at 35 this looks like a very tense living situation poor france when i'm bored and find a dead fly i used to do the same with dead bodies that i found not the most amazing but i colored and shortened all 700 plus of minecraft subtitles to help the deaf react quicker creeper hisses item lops cow moose why does it look like creeper has gave birth to a cow millennials with student debt how do i buy a house banks that's a neat part you don't top ranked players who play 10 plus hours a day me trying to have fun after a bad day at work a child what's that me holding an oreo milkshake it's spicy you won't like it npcs of a game me checking if there is full damage king dies his eldest son yes very sad anyway son hey dad i have an imaginary gf that you can do better son thanks dad dad i was talking to your gf [Music] me sneaking up and reading my girlfriend's personal diary day 119 of being on earth no one has suspected a thing if i had unlimited money and i gave bob unlimited money would i still have unlimited money bro forget zodiac signs who was your skylanders main soundtrack throughout the whole game soundtrack when in desert part lol you're such a dumb creature you're the only creature that pays to live on earth my internet trying to load a 144p video the same internet loading in 8k at i'm speed women's faces after hours of their cleansing routine and spending a fortune on skin care men's faces after washing the soap and wiping it using the same towel they dry their bowls with coffee ice cream with a shot of espresso and a donut cone cops i'll take your entire stock my mom is a mom no toys in my living room my mom is a grandma [Music] that feeling you get when you can't find these in your pocket [Music] tik tok is good because it lowers the amount of annoying kids on other apps [Music] subway bread is not bread irish cord rules only german bread is real bread milk cereal mario was mario the whole time i will not get vaccinated because i will get injected by microchip and always be [Music] followed your ass my hand middle of the night there's an emergency who are you asking to babysit your eight-year-old son human race this is the hottest summer of my life the planet no this is the coldest summer for the rest of your life england not having an independent day because they are the reason other countries have independent day when you're happy you enjoy the music when you're sad you understand the lyrics abcdefg twitter coming to find me after i miss gender a rock acquired good ending no loki can't be bisexual actual norse mythology hold my beard me why the frick does my back always hurt also me me laughs at a funny meme my cat on my lap nobody is born cool except of course people who checks the title how's life yeah everything is on track the track drawings made by people with mental illness [Music] another day of thanking god for not making me a tick tock fan me turning off the fan because it's getting too cold everyone else in the helicopter mom look it fell out you should put it under your pillow for the tooth fairy later hello billy i've come for your teeth you mean tooth [Music] when your gay friend pretends to be into girls she was such a strong female woman with nice heavy breasts me too shy to even she's in the school bathroom that one kid when you get the orona vaccination from the nice men in the alley who are we lisa me too arwa is first virtual person she is realistic and beautiful video demo [Music] ushers here we go again french people coming for you when you misgender a chair the villain with 20 years worth of training and experience the hero with a month training and the power of friendship money isn't everything rich people appearance isn't everything attractive people i've got a jar of dirt jack sparrow me at the start of it this is fine me after a year of quarantine this is fine girls with time machine i'm your granddaughter really boys with time machine quick president kennedy is gonna be assassinated today we know velma i'll give you dog food if you capture the murderer shaggy like you son of a [ __ ] i'm in the four horsemen of i ain't gay but damn me realizing that being gifted during my childhood and putting in absolutely no work but still excelling in my little fourth grade classes is the reason i have little to no work ethic now and i get discouraged from things if i'm not good at them immediately welshes loki in mcu bisexuality lokia norse mythology i'll freak a horse me drives by the same building two or more times a day for over five years building gets demolished me i wonder what used to be there [Music] who'd win in a fight a short man who just drank some soup an entire roman legion my mum asking if i smoke weed me with bloodshot eyes smelling like the state of colorado no so this is how the online classes are going so far texas man shot in the face by ricochet bullet after firing on an armadillo call the ambulance but not for me friend front-facing cartoon characters do not exist they cannot hurt you front-facing cartoon characters relationship goals find a woman who treats you like the prince you are i won a dodge ball game oh yeah so what while the pe teacher was on the other team right this way sir mom don't talk back i carried you for nine months me finding the adoption papers people arguing in the comments mods locking the comments some people like fat girls some people like buff girls some people like old women some people deserve a few rounds in the cranium the smart kid that didn't need to study and got the best grade me and the boys who cheated for a b look what we need to just mimic a fraction of their power cannon puts ai cameras in its chinese offices that only let smiling workers inside meanwhile workers florida man arrested for attempting to barbecue child molesters today florida man is a damn hero because that's what heroes do i have always wanted to own a purebred horse ooh i stepped inches my parents at age 29 let's have a baby yes me at age 29 your trauma made you stronger it absolutely did not it did make me funnier though what people think society would look like in the future what it is going to look like when the water bottle on your nightstand pops back into place at 3am japan seeing germany invade russia germany seeing japan attacking america me hey did you talk to candace last night my gf who's candace me candice d fit in your mouth my gf let's find out me netflix recommending their own tv series and move is like [Music] how it started how it ended a girl and a boy absent the rest of the classmates something's wrong i can feel it umbrellas i will protect you from the rain also umbrellas oh no wind when your dog raises your cat if you kill a killer the number of killers in the world remains the same batman police officer killing a criminal who was trying to kill a civilian roman soldier great that jesus guy is finally dead jesus three days later hey what in god's holy name is that my cat got accepted to hogwarts i'm gonna miss him all the eighth graders when that chapter in biology is taught [Music] me doing the laundry so mom won't beat me up for archaeoine my brother and he stopped moving when my dad died but his last words were wanna see a dead body me do you have any iq tests that provide instant results doctor say no more the average age of first kiss is 15 me who is finally above average you doesn't tip your delivery person than with your sodas the next time you order when you've been single forever but then your communist friend gets a gf [Music] you miss 100 of the shots you don't take me trying to shoot my shot gf let's have shreks my brain [Music] me after getting the whole joke when you ask her what's for dinner and she says you can eat me me at my funeral when my mom says she's gonna give away my gaming pc to my little cousins teacher you think i'm a fool me who knows she's an absolute [ __ ] trying food from a different culture for the first time [Music] people cats absolutely don't give a freak about their owners meanwhile an alternate universe when you wake up in a dream and realize you are in a dream [Music] like the video and subscribe right now and watch my previous tank memes videos thanks

Channel: Clumsy

Views: 625,240

Keywords: memes, dank doodle memes, best memes, dank memes, memes compilation, dank memes compilation, best memes compilation, clean memes, ddm, tik tok memes, memes clean, reddit memes, pewdiepie memes, family friendly memes, funny memes

Id: MAxCJoeC1t4

Length: 28min 1sec (1681 seconds)

Published: Fri Jun 25 2021