r/CursedComments - Funny Posts V31

everything we say at funerals should be said at birthday parties instead we leave so much love unspoken happy birthday thanks you will be greatly missed what a man guards his family from the cannibals during the madras famine of 1877 at the time of british raj india lol what are cannibals gonna eat there is nothing there breaking news say goodbye to comfort breaks new downward tilting toilets are designed to become unbearable to sit on after five minutes they say the main benefit is to employees in improved employee productivity imagine you still have diarrhoea after five minutes but you can't stand it so you just slide off the seat and it goes all over the floor you can only pick one choose wisely dog girl girlfriend she loves you robot dog army are loyal you but robo dogs don't have a mouth reasons to get a chameleon they grab anything you give them anything anything small enough for them to hold you should be good to go your daughter brings him home how do you greet him by throwing a five kilogram neodymium magnet at his face to test the magnet instead of saying i have to start your day with an i get to attitude i get to work out i get to go to work i get to have an existential crisis in my car at 11am life is all about perspective i get to show up in court to answer four multiple acts of vehicular manslaughter jessica third i don't know which smile to look at one of my classmates called me of amphobic slur today so i bit her hand turns out her parents are lawyers and they might sue because she contracted tetanus sure she did i'm so effing sick of mortals bruh i wanna know what of amphobic slur is bloodsucker sunburned bat vigor i have a v wordpass and bloodborne disease vector according to charles bukowski sadness is caused by intelligence the more you understand certain things the more you wish you didn't understand them according to charles bukowski you can hit your wife too do girls really think guys wipe their peen after they pee i mean i wipe mine after i pee gotta make sure i get the last drop so it doesn't end up in my boxes what do you do at a urinal wipe it on the guy next to me kazuma i need both of your kidneys depends how horny i am what you doing in this situation what does it say i love hitler this brazilian girl is a big fan of k-pop and all korean culture so her father without understanding much wanted to customize his party with the most famous korean character he found more like k boom you can only pick one choose wisely a cat girlfriend she loves you a cool watch you have master control with that many transformations that means the possibility of a double wiener quad to lead lightning mcqueen is at least 0.1 percent chance i heard the human centipede was a great comedy i'm about to watch it with my family it will really bond you together fellas would you take an inch off of your height and add it to your d i'm six four absolutely mate you could go double digits and be five nine like the rest of us and just spear beaches left and right reason why we should put all babies on an island and force them fight for the right to live if they can crawl they can brawl but night battle royal the younger games what's the most mind-blowing idea you've ever heard suicide of a delta variant new symptoms to look out for diarrhoea blocked runny nose aching muscles long lasting headache vomiting sore throat tired and unwell if in doubt take a test shiz i had all those symptoms together three months ago early access beta release vip pass attention if you become lost or confused in the corn maze stay calm don't panic help is on the way every thursday morning we send a rescue team into the maze to bring out everyone left from the previous weekend they are highly trained and can usually locate over two-thirds of those left behind the other one-third feed the corns with nutrients a girl told me i'm so cute it makes her squeal like a dying cat how the frick am i supposed to respond to that edit i responded with you're so cute it makes my face melt she asked me on a date and i said yes tell her that she's so cute it makes you breathe like a man dying of tuberculosis i brought a hammer to the office to hang a whiteboard i left it in my laptop bag and forgot to take it out at home days later my boss came up behind me asked do we have a hammer in the office without thinking i reached into my bag and handed him the hammer still looking at the computer screen a few seconds later i realized my boss was still standing behind me i turned around and he was just standing there staring at the hammer he said seriously you carry a hammer with your laptop are you a serial killer only when people don't give me raises study shows that four out of five people suffer from diarrhoea that one person who enjoys it i love it when people take a smelly poop at my home it's not because i like the smell or anything i'm not that type of weird but when they take that dump and realize oh frick this smells and they have to leave the bathroom and look me in the eyes that's power for the rest of the time they are at my house they are constantly anxious about the smell of their poop and it takes any stress off of me i can do anything awkward but it won't matter the stench of their shiz is lurking in the background all the time they are my poop prisoner calm down there satan oh my gosh you can actually see rapunzel's reflection on the whites of his eyes disney forgets nothing except how to keep pedophiles out of their workforce people that are movie fans what's your final thoughts after watching space jam and your legacy there will be enough space in the cinema to choose your seat it's not going to be jam-packed with viewers so it crashed worse than kobe join the us army to relive some of your favorite gaming moments in real life hashtag spec ops the line can't wait to shoot people i don't know in real life just like i did in that one game five minute crafts [Music] crap i knew i should have eaten the pringles first you can only pick one choose wisely cute girlfriend boyfriend whatever they love you or cheetos get a girlfriend sell her organs for a lifetime supply of cheetos six million jews were murdered during the holocaust and i support that decision i'm a bot and this action was performed automatically octopuses can fit through any gap larger than their beak that's not a ah actually frickit don't mind if i do joseph stalin jokingly points mozin nag and sniper rifle at a crowd 1943 moscow hey nicolet watch me 360 that beach over there irony is he lost two balls chasing one ball dolphins having shreks for pleasure and not just to reproduce dolphins are awesome they'll have shreks with beheaded fish if they can finally something me and dolphins have in common how can i make my peen head less sensitive sand paper switching to your knife is even quicker than reloading i can confirm this this method helped me with the nerf war today wait what jeff bezos is worth over a hundred billion dollars and barely made it to the edge of space i have a negative net worth and got head in a cemetery one time so who's really the success story here was she at least alive irrelevant human babies are 75 percent water at birth a banana is 74 water babies don't smear as well on toast blood-soaked mayor bloomberg announces homelessness no longer a problem in new york city he solved world hunger at the same time euiko day quirks eyes she can change the size of the things she touches it doesn't work on living things if she is a necrophiliac then it would work welcome to problem reports this is the start of the problem reports channel my d isn't working sounds like a you problem a poor craftsman blames his tools what the frick lol ran out of toilet paper but thankfully this little motherfreaker was nearby you're thinking about him wiping against its soft hair but you all forgot he's got a tongue if earth stops rotating suddenly then you would fly east at 465 meters per second and die instantly if it continues to rotate most of us will die slowly painfully and afraid ham in what ways can teens earn money flipping burgers mowing lawns tutoring theft dealing drugs assassinations what famous quote is really bad if it is said by hitler i have a dream double header my life with 2pm by diphallic jude you can follow in his footsteps by using a pair of scissors they squirted enough to rehydrate a small african village i was banging this hot chick on her kitchen table when we heard the front door open she said it's my husband quick try the back door thinking back i really should have run but you don't get offers like that every day that a-hole is going to be surprised alternate ending oh no your husband's home what do i do frick that a-hole twinches is the best i have an identical twin i'm two minutes older we used to always freak with our teachers in middle school we would go to the bathroom and change shirts and bags and go to each other's classes and just sit there and no one except our friends would notice and just quietly laugh the whole class we used to always freak what if we detonated all nuclear bombs at once that's a pretty intense gender reveal freak your zodiac signs how many holes seven eight if you include the one i just shot through the back of my head what do tetris and shreks have in common there's no winning it's just about how long you last or what pieces you can make fit my throat doesn't hurt anymore yay still congested as frick but at least my throat doesn't hurt i told you my peen was magic pov you're in the supermarket and you see this in front of you what do you do flirt how to make a mummy len blodge ah i was looking for a tutorial thank you this is what a tattoo looks like underneath your skin don't be shy grill it stop buying plastic skeletons for halloween it's terrible for the environment locally sourced or natural skeletons are much more environmentally friendly it costs like forty dollars to get a real skeleton where i live lmao do you pay for your real skeletons i get mine free and fresh no matter how stupid you feel remember little red riding hood couldn't figure out that a talking wolf wasn't her grandmother she ate some mushrooms on her way catholic student suspended after principal finds her only fans i'm guessing since it wasn't a boy he didn't like it mosquitoes nowadays be pulling down yeah socks to bite you like how the frick did disappear on my ankle wish they would pull down my pants and suck me i'm saving this to my things to look at when i'm horny list i was taken out of the trailer by the hat every canadian knows that wearing a hat inside school is a death sentence via being stoned to death i know amazon drivers be like damn this house again i work on ambulance the thought is the exact same when your father accidentally walks in on you dressing and sees yours is bigger than his not bad kid plot twist you're a girl even better what is the most why the freck do you know that fact our local landfill will take your loved one's body and dispose of it for 35 wow you sure do have a lot of loved ones yeah whoosh you will get laid this weekend but i'm staying with my uncle this weekend oh no what's your kink freaking a dirty diesel exhaust pipe whilst looking at a photo of greta thundberg crying what is the worst thing to say at a funeral how much do i inherit how long do life insurance payouts usually take orgasms are well known to help us wage grief let me be there for you i read that a sausage for some reason that's just the second worst thing to say scrodina's butt plug harry what does this mirror do professor dumbledore it shows us nothing more or less than the deepest most desperate desire of our hearts 1965 i bet there will be flying cars and a cure for cancer in the future 2021 daycare busted for running a fight club on snapchat you broke the first rule of fight club don't choose without a diaper my vacuum cleaner broke yesterday so i put an intel sticker to it and it started to suck again does it work on my wife wait horny grandma wants a wife how often do you shower as often as it rains this was posted in africa i like my coffee how i like my slaves free free is a good price for a slave what's the time that you shouldn't have laughed when a mental patient in a building i managed decided to shove golf balls up his ass then poop them out off the side of his balcony kfc held a secret contest on their twitter after only following 11 people the five spice girls and six guys named herb mikey jet pointed out it was because of their secret blend of 11 herbs and spices he won a custom painting of himself piggy backing on the kernel while holding a drumstick [Music] wish i could ride colonel sanders to be fair you can never end world hunger as long as there are humans feed half the population with the remaining half repeat until there's one person left victory royale 2012 2018 where are they cancer can be a beach sometimes this shoes made me laugh hard it's dangerous to go alone take this phew i was worried i was gonna run out of food thanks rename your favorite film to a clickbait youtube title exploring a diagnose or theme park gone wrong t-rex contractual study shows that four out of five people suffer from diarrhoea that one person who enjoys it diarrhea is pretty useful during water fights plus 10 poison damage guinness book of records the egg with the highest value is worth twelve thousand five hundred dollars me you forgot this one worth 200 billion dollars that egg looks like a fancy bud plug yes a little lube on his bald head and he'll slide right in in seventh grade i went to the see a movie with the boy and in the middle of it he was like do you wanna kiss and i was like excuse me and he pulled a bag of hershey's kisses out of his coat do you realize what a good backup plan matters when i did it i got kicked out of school being a teacher sucks name a more iconic trio i'll wait japan germany and italy last there were together there was blast boku no there is one impostor among us i see five felix if you hold your breath for four to six minutes the hiccups go away my grandpa has been doing this for five years random thought amazon ad for same thing frick i don't know why there would be an amazon ad for planning of domestic terrorism but that's cool as a pakistani this made me laugh so hard that my grenades nearly fell while traveling in the bus what did you think to yourself the first time you had shreks i can't believe i paid 20 dollars for this your dad is very nice to only charge you twenty dollars warning sociable dog those who do not flee will be cuddled to death peanut i can hear the excited tippy taps and tail wiggles from here i can still hear the screaming that sign isn't a joke all animals want to live where do you draw the line hamster would be like a chicken wing perfect bite size or good for muffins like a crab cake but hamster what the frick when you tell the wheelchair-bound kid to walk it out name something that a lot of people like but you can't stand my husband a 14-year-old girl went to hospital with a kidney infection and doctors found this kidney stone pencil she stuck the pencil up her urethra and into her bladder which caused a stone to form around the pencil that will stop her chewing the end of her pencil the forbidden lollipop imagine just sucking all his earwax out like a straw it costs zero dollars to keep thoughts like this to yourself what's the worst thing to say after a kiss you taste different when you're awake frick zodiac signs what's your favorite tic-tac flavor the brown ones that come from my rabbit if you're bored on valentine's day just go up two random couples in restaurants and yell who the hell is she the advanced version is when you bring some kids with you better if you follow up by asking the guy for a second alone act angry then come back and apologize and pretend to be putting some money into your wallet first you need to do some research find out their name to make it more credible dank the frick that squirtle do into that tur twig whoosh you will get laid this weekend i'm barely gonna exit my room this weekend so unless some random person enters my room and asks for shreks i have exactly zero percent chance of anything happening random person entering your room for shreks don't ask first the bearded vulture a bird that has a diet exclusively of bones bones you say unzips pants pedophilia is a shrek shell orientation you bigots hashtag no map hashtag normap ally hashtag pedophilia punch the motherfreaker in the face why did they cross out james charles main once i saw this guy on a bridge about to jump i said don't do it he said nobody loves me i said god loves you do you believe in god he said yes i said are you a christian or a jew he said a christian i said me too protestant or catholic he said protestant i said me too what franchise he said baptist i said me too northern baptist or southern baptist he said northern baptist i said me too north a conservative baptistal northern liberal baptist he said northern conservative baptist i said me too northern conservative baptist great lakes region or northern conservative baptist eastern region he said northern conservative baptist great lakes region i said me too north the conservative baptist great lakes region council of 1879 or northern conservative baptist great lakes region council of 1912 he said northern conservative baptist great lakes region council of 1912 i said die heretic i said die heretic and i pushed him over parents who make social media youtube etc accounts for their children nobody cares about your kids except for the pedophiles of course tip if you're pregnant and getting robbed then force the baby out and use the umbilical cord to swing the fetus like a mace water or toilet paper i will judge you who drinks toilet paper lmao my grandpa before he died going to grandma's house [Music] returning from grandma's house i love when grandma gets me pregnant what is under your bed same stuff that was under there seven plus years ago that's a long time to keep a dead hooker age 28 five kilometers away i'm 27 and i'm a mom to six children who currently don't stay with me i'm looking for a guy that i can trust has children would like children as a car lives in i'm looking for long-term relationship marriage guy has to be age 18 andover and accept the fact that i'm currently pregnant by my ex looking to get married this is not a human being this is a rat except a rat would raise their children to adulthood this girl doesn't have custody of her offspring what famous quote is really bad if it is said by idler when you can't make them see the light make them feel the heat like the video and subscribe right now and watch my previous tank memes videos thanks

Channel: Clumsy

Views: 318,504

Rating: 4.9574685 out of 5

Keywords: memes, dank doodle memes, best memes, dank memes, memes compilation, dank memes compilation, best memes compilation, clean memes, ddm, tik tok memes, memes clean, reddit memes, pewdiepie memes, family friendly memes, funny memes

Id: gM7ldZytrYE

Length: 21min 51sec (1311 seconds)

Published: Fri Jul 30 2021