r/Askreddit What's The Biggest Bullet You Dodged

welcome to our slash ask reddit where we answer the question what was the biggest bullet you dodged our first replies from emperor hans i had cardiac arrest about four years ago i basically dropped dead in the middle of my shift i found out after i woke up about a week later that ay the manager who saw me fall was a former lifeguard and new proper cpr b an ambulance happened to be passing by about two blocks away see probably the best cardio unit in my state was a 10 minute ambulance ride from where it all happens i walked out of the hospital about two weeks later full recovery and then beneath that we have a similar soy from wrath wild just before starting high school i got hit by a car doing 35 miles per hour while i was riding my bike i got t-boned my bike went under the car i was thrown up smashed the windshield out with my back was flipped over the car and landed a perfect no-hop landing on my feet like a gymnast minus the arms race flourish at the end the entire accident was witnessed by a firefighter who was watching out the window literally standing right next to his emergency radio and called for an ambulance the lady who hit me got out of her car yelling i'm a nurse i'm a nurse lie down i had no breaks or fractures just a bruised rib cage op it's lucky that the lady who hit you was a nurse if she could help you out but it occurs to me that if the driver was an evil person that would be a really clever trick i'm so sorry i'm a nurse just lie down and i'll help you and then as soon as you lie down she just like caves you're hidden with a tire iron or something and makes a clean no witness getaway our next reply is from stuck in the elevator i was going to move to a different apartment complex last month but i got injured at work and lost hours therefore i couldn't come up with a deposit money in time last week some douchebag was cooking meth and caught the building on fire also you could say i dodged two bullets one the fire two i know bad stuff happens everywhere blah blah blah but the place really didn't strike me as a kind of place where meth heads live so i guess avoiding those kinds of people for neighbors was dodging a bullet in itself also opie i can't help but notice your username stuck in the elevator if you had gotten stuck in an elevator during a fire then that might have been the end of op or an extra players from tm downton in 1992 i was 16 years old a bunch of us were about to leave a party and i called shotgun but my friend pat kind of wrestled me out of the spot and i wound up jumping in another car since the first car was now full the other driver and i watched as our friend's car skated into oncoming traffic pat was airlifted to the local trauma hospital where his dad told a huge group of us teenagers that pat had succumbed to his injuries maybe that's not exactly a bullet dodged but and then opie posted an update clarifying what happened pat's driver and my driver were racing each other the road had just been paved and the shoulder was loose gravel so when pass driver applied their brakes when the passenger side of the car was over the line on the right side of the number two lane the passenger tires kept spinning while the driver's side locked up spinning the car into oncoming traffic the oncoming driver was hospitalized and recovered pat's driver broke a femur was convicted of vehicular manslaughter sentenced to home detention but was late to get home from high school one day which stripped the ankle monitor and the driver did 30 days in jail the three kids in the back of the car had to be extracted by the jaws of life they broke some bones and got an insurance settlement however i don't think i would have died if i got shotgun we would have left 15 seconds earlier and wouldn't have hit that oncoming pickup or maybe we have and then beneath that we have a similar story from mz i was going out with my mom and sister when i was in about middle school i always sat in the passenger side back seat if it was more people than me and the driver my sister decided at the last second that she wanted to stay home and we got t-boned on the way home in a hit-and-run the other car totaled our car with all the damage on the back passenger seat where i should have been sitting i still think about that often our next reply is from well uh yeah when my great aunt passed away i was helping to clean out her house i'm just dragging everything out of the basement and suddenly my dad is like whoa put that down gently and let's move away from here so i put the weird metal tube type thing that i'm carrying down and get out of there turns out it's a mortar shell from when my aunt worked in a munitions factory in world war ii the bomb squad came and took it away ophie was your aunt insane did she just like casually tuck a high explosive device into her purse and just walk out of work what was she planning to do with it throw it over her neighbor's fence to get the neighbor's dog to stop yapping all the time our next reply is from thaddeus jones not me but i had a field service engineer working on one of the big robotic liquid handlers he decided to bypass the safety pin that prevents the head from moving while the cover is open while he had a diagnostic program cued up on the computer what he didn't know was that the instant he reinserted the safety pins the machine would execute the cute instructions and start moving and he had a hand inside it right in the danger zone i grabbed his shoulder and yanked his hand out an instant before it was crushed he stopped ignoring me when i told him to stop bypassing safety lockouts to save a few minutes smart move op i'd rather save a few fingers and save a few minutes our next reply is from the chanto i stayed up all night before a day trip to hong kong you know that days when you haven't slept you're just kind of robotic and doing human stuff but with nearly zero awareness of anything well i went across the street and my friend behind me snatched my shoulder and yanked me backwards just in time to feel the whoosh of a double-decker bus breezing past us i looked at him like oh thanks man and it took a whole extra minute for my brain to process i would be freaking dead if he had not grabbed me our next reddit post is from michonne impossible we were young and we met on a dating site he went to my high school but graduated a few years before me the first month or so was okay then he changed we had a huge fight one time because he said something silly i don't even remember what it was but i playfully threw a pillow at him he immediately flipped out punched a hole in my door and told me he'd make it so i would never have anything to come back to another time he finally got a job he didn't have one when i met him and i was paying for everything after job searching for months he got one it's his first few days at his new job and all of a sudden he doesn't want to go in no reason he just doesn't feel like it i tell him he better get to that freaking job where he's gonna lose it after a lot of arguing he gets ready and we both get in the car so i can drive him to work as i'm driving it gets more heated and he starts strangling me while i'm at a red light the red light was right next to a gas station and i pull in there while his hands are around my throat i managed to get him off me and get out of the car and scream what the f i'm sorry i blacked out you just pissed me off so much i told you i didn't want to go to work the relationship lasted less than a year he cheated on me with some girl and for the first and only time in my life i was glad someone was cheating on me you can go live with her and be someone else's problem now then years later when i saw him on the news i felt really bad for that thought he had handcuffed his then girlfriend who had just had his baby to the bed and strangled her to death he thought she had cheated on him he then dismembered her body and lived with it for a month in their apartment eventually the smell tips some people off along with his girlfriend not being seen by family in a while the baby was okay though and was taken in by the girl's family he went on the run but was later caught and is currently in prison from here op clarifies that you can't post the actual news article because that breaks reddit's rule about posting personal information but beneath that a couple of people are guessing the state and the exact case where this happened and it's pretty much verified our next reply is from kk fluff i went to end my life by putting a plastic bag over my head and tying it off i figured that it would be less messy if i was found this way but my cat started to go crazy on the other side of the door when i started to get lightheaded and feel sort of nauseous i thought oh right you need your dinner and no one else will feed you and i untied the bag to feed the cat after the fact i realized my cat literally saved me from one of my lowest points god i missed that cat i still can't believe i came that close op i'm glad to hear that you got past that dark moment your life is turning around and to everyone else i want to share the most important fact that i know about suicide the overwhelming majority of people who have a failed suicide attempt never attempt suicide again so that means that they regret it that if you ever get so depressed that you're thinking about ending your life then statistics show that if you just get past that one day then you'll probably make it our next reply is from wrath of cornolio my dad was going through severe depression 10 years ago and my life was equally sucky for a whole multitude of reasons and it was rubbing off on me i spent what felt like half an hour crying on the floor and working up the nerve to pull the trigger then when i finally did the safety was on i sold my gun the next morning our next reply is from rey my mother left me in one state and went back to my abusive stepfather she tried to get me to drop out of my senior year at high school move back to their state and get my ged they wanted to live in babysitter cook and maid i was so lucky my grandparents let me move in with them and finish school for those who have asked i'm doing great i've got no contact with my mother and stepfather they're still together and it's been one of the most healthy decisions i've ever made my husband and my kids are amazing and she's missing out big time my grandparents are alive and well and still involved in our lives and then i'm gonna read this reply from proper lobotomite it's always the grandparents that are the true homies our next replies from why throw blanket not my story but a girl i knew had a few drinks and decided to hitchhike home to a town about 40 minutes away from the one that she'd been drinking in note it's very common for people to hitchhike in this area she gets picked up by a car of guys and everything seems fine until she points out that they can drop her off just ahead and they keep driving she had that instant sober feeling she plays it off like she's clueless and totally down to keep hanging out with them acting like she's very drunk meanwhile they've driven to a more forested area of the highway then she dry heaves and says she's about to puke really putting on a show so they stopped to let her out she books it into the bushes and just doesn't look back until she's safe and then opie relays another scary story from her mom my mom who was in her early 20s was out with a group of friends drinking one night and one girl wanted to hitchhike the others didn't she got picked up never to be seen again not even her body found don't drink and hitchhike people and beneath that sharon offers some useful advice when i was in high school we had a cop come talk to us about what to do if we're in a car with someone and things didn't feel right they said to use the three p's and say you desperately have to puke pee or poop and more often than not the driver will care more about their car getting soiled than whatever they wanted to do to you and they'll let you out i've also heard that in truly desperate situations one of the best things you can do is force a car crash that's because a lot of times criminals who abduct people don't buckle their seat belts so then all you have to do is buckle up and either try to turn their wheel into a tree or gouge their eyes while they're driving i mean obviously this is a super dangerous solution but getting into a car wreck is way safer than letting your abductor take you to a remote location also car wrecks have the advantage of getting a lot of attention so it's very likely that someone will stop and help you our next replies from the effing quan talks my girlfriend and i were going to see cats the movie our uber pulls up and straight away we noticed something about the driver to this day we can't articulate what it was other than to say that he just felt off we got into his car already hesitant and a touch anxious he looks at us in the rearview mirror and makes a comment like two lovely ladies in my car tonight or some other weird thing a few minutes in he makes another semi-sexual innuendo comment about riding with him my friend notices the handle of a knife just poking out of the side of his jacket she says hey can we stop at 7-eleven we need to grab a gatorade real quick so we go in and refuse to come back out we're considering whether to call the police or not it was so creepy but what would we say uh some dude was creepy to us and while we're hesitating he winds down his window brandishes this effing hunting knife at both of us screams something about devil women and just tears it out of the parking lot to this day my girlfriend and i are so thankful that we got out of that uber otherwise we would have made it to the movies in time when we would have seen cats op you totally got me with that curveball there i was not expecting that right next for plash from seeing red i was walking down this reed in downtown chicago and i heard a loud bang followed by a woman screaming someone dropped a full 2-liter bottle of soda from the 13th floor and it just missed me it was essentially a giant bullet at that heightened speed the woman screaming was about 5 feet behind me she was the second closest to being hit i'm pretty sure that bottle would have killed me if it hit me in response to that post people actually did the math to determine how lethal that bottle of soda was apparently an object needs 150 joules of energy to have a 90 chance of being lethal that soda bottle by the time it hit the ground had 930 joules of energy so roughly six times higher than 150 which means that soda bottle would have been certain death our next reply is from mohabian about 10 years ago i was in a relationship with someone and she became pregnant we were only a few months in and i was terrified but i did the right thing stuck with her did my best to help her through her pregnancy turned my whole life upside down and sold my house to move to the other end of the city where her daughter went to school she was divorced and had a kid with her ex-husband everything was going great until she became pregnant we were having a lot of fun and enjoyed each other's company very much the instant she became pregnant it was like a switch had been flipped she became a straight-up psycho it wasn't just hormones from pregnancy this was a whole other level she was psychologically and verbally abusive she took being unreasonable and belligerent to a whole new level i asked what she went in for a dinner one night and she responded with you should know what i went for dinner you're supposed to just make it and then it turned into an hours-long fight about how the heck i'm supposed to know what she wants for dinner apparently i wasn't in tune with her enough to know and that was an unforgivable error this is one of the hundreds of little things she did to make me feel like a piece of garbage she never missed a chance to take a shot at me miss my turn while driving somewhere and have to turn around i'm the most embarrassing boyfriend she's ever had and she can't even believe that she allows me to drive anymore stuff like that all day every day it was demoralizing and i was broken for years because of her abuse anyway we move into the new house and within a month she leaves me so all this stuff i did to turn my life upside down i sold my house and bought a new one which cost a lot of money in real estate fees and moving fees and it was a more expensive home worse than that i now had to deal with this freaking psycho for the next 18 years because she was carrying my baby on top of all this she had been cheating on me and was with her ex-boyfriend now that's who she was moving in with but i was going to be a dad which was cool i guess i wish it was under different circumstances but not having to see her every day was gonna be nice about a week before she gave birth i ask if it's okay if i'm there when the child is born she says i really want my other boyfriend to be there i'm okay with that if he is i gotta tell you something there's a chance it's not your baby and after fighting with her for three months to get the baby's blood type it was inconclusive whose baby it was so we went to get a dna test which she fought against me about and finally caved after i laid out and text everything that she'd done to me and now she was leaving this question of whether or not i have a child unanswered it wasn't my baby bullet dodged this was an enormous relief having to deal with her for 18 years while we co-raised a child would have been a nightmare i had witnessed how she handled literally every communication with her ex-husband not the same guy that she cheated on me with and moved in with she was a freaking grunt to him it didn't matter what it was about she always found a way to start a fight this is why i always always always advocate that parents get a dna test whenever they have a baby not just because people cheat but also because hospitals mix up babies all the time you could be in a committed monogamous relationship and the hospitals still give you the wrong baby dna kits are as cheap as like 30 bucks nowadays so why not do it our next reply is from from the trailer park at 17 years old i met and married a sweet little north carolina's daddy's girl had i not i would have been hanging out with my friends that just discovered heroin of the three friends two are dead and one did 10 years in prison that was our slash ask reddit and if you like this content check out my patreon where i publish extra episodes also hit that subscribe button because i put out new reddit videos every single day

Channel: rSlash

Views: 511,084

Keywords: reddit, r/, rslash, r\, sub, subreddit, best of reddit, reddit top posts, top posts, top posts of all times, funniest posts, funny, comedy, funniest reddit posts, funny reddit posts, funny reddit, fails, cringe, askreddit posts, funny askreddit, ask reddit, askreddit, r/askreddit, askreddit top posts, askreddit funny, askreddit question

Id: b1yxT9cvMh8

Length: 17min 31sec (1051 seconds)

Published: Thu Dec 31 2020