r/AmiTheA**Hole For Breaking Up With My Girlfriend For My Cat's Mental Health?

g'day there guys i learned from the mistakes of people who take my advice and on that note welcome to another episode of r am i the a-hole if you enjoy today's content tell me what you think about it down below in the comments i love your face sit back relax and enjoy the show posted by user kitty kitty throw titles would i be the a-hole if i broke up with my girlfriend over my cat's mental health i've been with my girlfriend we'll call her molly for about four years live together for three earlier last year our 17 year old cats lost her battle with cancer i've had cats my whole life and adopted her as a senior before meeting molly molly never had cats before but adored her and started talking about adopting immediately about six months later in december she found a youngish like seven months old feral male who got a nasty but recoverable injury sleeping under a car hood she fell in love immediately and so did i i tried to give her the benefit of my experience and told her that this isn't going to be the same as adopting an adult cat who already has a sweet personality and this kitten will require a lot of patience she said she understood and we started fostered to adopting him as soon as the vet gave us the go-ahead i still love him but he's highlighted every single thing that's been keeping us from getting engaged for one molly refuses to listen to him he growls he hisses at her she started yanking him out of his carrier so often that he's afraid to go in there now she doesn't listen to me when i try to explain what she could do to get him to warm up to her she keeps bringing up examples of people she knows who got a cat to like them this way i work at home and he's a completely different cat when i'm at home and she isn't he plays and sits in the window when it's just me and runs under the bed the second she gets home and only comes out to eat i've suggested to her that we need to start seriously thinking about finding him another home before he gets too old and too scared every single time i bring it up she accuses me of being callous and giving up on him too easily and how she never knew pets was so disposable to me they're not but she's not a good fit for him so at this point i'm beginning to think that his best shot is me breaking up with her and taking this poor cat with me our relationship isn't that solid but i think it might be fixable if it wasn't for this but he's a living being and deserves to be happy too tldr my girlfriend and ty adopted a cat and she makes him miserable she thinks it'd be cruel to re-home him so i'm seriously considering breaking up with her and taking him with me would i be the a-hole to her of course because she doesn't see the damage she's doing to this cat so at least to her you'd be the a-hole because she wouldn't understand what you're doing since she can't even understand how to look after a cat properly so the only one you're hurting is her and it doesn't seem to me like this relationship is on the best of terms anyway um you would be the a-hole if you continued to let her abuse this cat though that's for sure i do think that you should break up and take him with you and save this poor damn cat because she obviously doesn't know what she's doing and she's not taking your words of advice seriously so yeah you wouldn't be the a-hole if you did that not the a-hole and i'd say the cat isn't even the issue rather having this cat has highlighted her crappy personality so no you wouldn't be the a-hole for breaking up with her this and i know it's a stretch and a leap but if she can't handle a little feral kitten rejecting her what's she gonna do down the road when it's a baby crying non-stop or wanting cuddles from someone that isn't her this is what i was thinking she's going to resent him if they have kids together because they listen to him and she can't connect with him like he can absolutely this kids go through stages with their parents when they're really young they will want nothing to do with dad or mum for a few weeks or longer and all of the sudden they'll switch even for your average parents it can be tough let alone someone like this not the a-hole hearing though you the wrong parents when i went to comfort my crying three-year-old is something we laugh about because we were both secure people i'd hate to think how molly would take it she wouldn't take it very well and would probably get mad at anyone that gave her advice including him she's not fit to have kids with at all not the a-hole she's the issue not the cat or you she's borderline abusive to that cat yup and if opie wants to have kids this woman is not the right person to have kids with you're the a-hole i know i'm going against the grain here but i've done a decade of fostering rescue and adoptions for cats and i think you're doing this the wrong way i mean break up with her if you want to that's fine whatever but it sounds like she wants to try to fix the problem which is her relationship with the cats and has talked to her animal savvy friends about it while she should be listening to you it kind of seems like she's decided your advice doesn't work and maybe it doesn't seeking other opinions and doing research is how you should approach living with a new animal for the first time even if your partner is an expert you should be seeking outside sources of information and not just relying on them and let's be real you aren't an expert you're just an experienced cat owner while yanking out of a carrier doesn't sound good lots of cats hate carriers your cat probably associates his carrier with pain since he's been in and out of the vet with an injury and sometimes a little gentle not injurious manhandling is how you get a resistant cat into and out of a carrier in the interest of acknowledging that this is a one-sided story i'm not crying animal abuse because a cat is afraid of a carrier although you should check to see if your carrier can be unscrewed on top which is a much easier way to get them out getting them in is still just as tough although there are now zip tops and meshed up carriers for easy access can you clarify more what she does that the cat doesn't like all you really say is that she doesn't listen to you but what does she do that the cat doesn't like cats that don't like you usually vanish and you mostly don't interact with them it sounds like she's willing to be patient and let it take time and to try a variety of things she probably gets frustrated and sad and unlike other posters i definitely think getting texts like look when you're gone he's so much happier is cruel i also can't figure out how long you've had the cats if it's less than six months i'd say that you're jumping the gun honestly this sounds way more like you just aren't into her and demand that she isn't listening to you i get it it's aggravating when you objectively know more than your partner and they don't listen but you seem to be taking all this frustration and anger at her not behaving correctly and focusing it into this laser beam of not getting the cat to like you properly i mean i've tamed up more than a dozen angry babies and a half dozen shy adults and i can't tell you what the proper way to get a cat to like you is all cats are different some need to be ignored others need mandatory petting time some flourish with long distance play and interaction others need food bribes and only food bribes some just take time no matter what what makes you so sure that you're right and her friends are wrong when did you become an expert on taming up semi-feral babies you and your girlfriend should be treating this like a team effort supporting each other and trying to find solutions and you should acknowledge that getting rejected by an animal hurts a little and also bruises the ego a bit instead you seem to be doubling down on knowing the right way and just having a wayward girlfriend break up with her because you don't like her not because your cat doesn't updates would i be the a-hole if i broke up with my girlfriend over my cat's mental health i've got a couple requests for an update and to be honest i could have given an update the night after it happens but i didn't want to post too much if something changed i'm sorry for ducking out of the thread early too i read the first 400 or so comments and wanted to respond and give information to some of the folks asking but i didn't really have the time since she found the thread i tried to obfuscate enough details so that this wouldn't happen but it's a unique situation and it got pretty popular and i think one of her friends clued her in i hope no other new pet parents had to explain this thread to their significant others some of you are asking for specific instances of abuse and to be honest i didn't really think she was abusing him i just thought that the way she was interacting with him might be more suitable for another cat molly did wonderfully with our previous cats but she was a different cat my original plan was to sit down with her and try to have one more honest conversation about our cat's comfort level in this house something needed to be done before he turned into a nervous wreck none of this happened sadly she came home and had it out with me about everything from the cats to some issues with her family and circled back around to our previous cats who she kind of accused me of killing she had end-stage cancer and stopped eating and was having daily seizures the vet encouraged us to put her to sleep i'd rather not go into too much detail here but you guys were right our relationship had a lot of problems and adopting our cats just made them undeniable i know some people accused my post of validation seeking but honestly it's difficult to tell things are bad when you're looking at the situation from the inside even if it was my fault it's obviously time for things to end she moved back in with her parents and the silver lining is that she agreed to let me keep the kitty she's been gone for about two weeks and he's spending a lot more time out and about with me hopefully this continues the funny part is that she's gonna see this post too no one mentioned that she tried to gaslight op even op didn't really address that he wanted to revoke the cat because she wasn't treating it right and she tried to turn that around on him as if he was a bad animal owner so much wrong right there i don't think that's true she was handling that cat differently than he wanted but that's not gaslighting it's the whole accusing him of killing the previous cat thing that's gaslighting also i think it's less that she was handling the cat differently that he wanted and more that she was handling the cat differently than the cat wanted to be handled cats give very clear signals of distress and stress if you know how to read them he was just translating catlish basically also fun fact that situation for a cat can lead to health problems including malnutrition and dehydration because they're too afraid to come out and eat honestly i'm sorry you went through this but it was the right thing she obviously didn't know how to handle animals or respect your ideas i'm glad you put the cat as a priority and i'm sure they'll warm up to you more thanks i do miss her but we haven't had a lot of the good times that i miss i'm looking forward to my future as a crazy cat dad the best kind of dad little f literally started scratching on the couch as i was typing two giant cat trees aren't enough apparently posted by user hostage lala titled am i the a-hole for not sharing my prize with a mentally handicapped person in a contest every summer my community has a cook-off competition usually about 20 to 30 individuals or couples try to cook xyz and then they can try and win a portion of the entry ticket fees while the rest goes into the community parks it's not summer yet but they decided to do it early this year was passed to source i've been going to these for years ever since my wife and i moved here but this is the first time i entered as a competitor it was earlier today one of the other competitors i know has somewhat only in passing is a 15 or 16 year old with asperger's syndrome and autism i don't know much about this competition evidently i'll call her jessica i guess a lot of people got wind of her being a part of the competition that we had news crews here taping her to put on the news we've never had this before as far as i know to make the story short i won the competition and 1 500 there's no second or third place prize it's winner takes all my wife and i were in shock because i like to think of myself as a decent home cook and take pride in my pasta sauce specifically but to win a contest we were tickled pink we celebrated for about 20 minutes when the event organizers came up to us you might be able to guess where this was going but they asked if we'd give our prize to jessica as a gesture of goodwill they said they'd get some publicity since news reporters are here we obviously said no 1 500 is a lot of money so then they'd asked if we'd like to split it 50 50 with jessica likewise we said no i guess some nearby patrons overheard the conversation and chimed in apparently we're a-holes and jerks for not sharing the prize at least after a few moments there might have been 10 other people all clamoring to us about how we're a disgrace to the community etc we had to leave and haven't collected our winnings yet we are meant to tomorrow from the mayor's office i can't even imagine what's gonna happen tomorrow are we the a-holes for not splitting our winnings with a disabled child for a cooking competition i'm gonna go with no for this one i can see how they're trying to stir up drama and anger or hatred but do we want to treat people with aspergers and autism differently do we want to make them feel like they need special privileges and that even if they don't win competitions like this we have to give them a split of the prize money because the news wants to see it don't you think that reflects on everyone poorly i don't know i feel like if i was the aspergic and autistic person in this situation i wouldn't want that put on me i feel like that wouldn't be fair either way if they won the competition fair and square that's all good but i'm not sure what kind of story you're trying to put out there by saying you know what she didn't win the competition but the winners did split their prize 50 50 because they felt bad for her that's not nice that's not something i want to see in my local news i don't think you're the a-holes for not splitting your weddings i think you have a mob of angry idiots after you that's my take it might be wrong it might be right who knows it's just an opinion not the a-hole you want it fair and square it's super patronizing to say that she should get a prize despite not winning just because she has aspergers why are they not blaming the judges i think the event organizers and the judges are different people here it sounds like the judges gave op the win fair and square while the event organizers reporters and event goers pressured opie and dopey's wife to give or split the money with the young woman with asd right so why are all those people tramping at op doing so when they should be over in the judge's tent tramping at the judges or is there a second mob over there already and they want to make sure all the tramping bases are covered people will always find a reason to be upset especially when there's serious money involved guarantee most of the whinges were salty that they didn't have fifteen hundred dollars in their pockets also guaranteed they would all have had the same reaction as op if they were the ones being asked to give up the winnings exactly they wouldn't cast the first stone with that cash in their pockets not the a-hole you're all welcome to open your wallets right now and pull a prize together for her i'll wait guys this is always my first thought in this type of why don't you give your prize to x because why a-holes like that are so free to offer other people's money but empty wallets whenever they get cold on it i can think of a few scourges more common or personally aggravating than this attitude of being charitable with other people's money being charitable with other people's money great way to put it the event organizers could give her more money create a door prize for good publicity and put it under marketing and brand management but they can't take it out of the first prize winning updates am i the a-hole for not sharing my prize with a mentally handicapped person in a contest my wife went yesterday to collect our winnings and they shorted her 500 dollars my wife is of the timid type and didn't want a conflict so she took the reduced winnings and had a few choice words but otherwise didn't contest it they gave the rest to jessica they made up a fake story to her that they made a second place prize on the spots and jessica won it thanks to the generosity of my wife and i this was all bogus we made a post on our community facebook page saying that we had a great time at the competition but didn't appreciate the comments we received or how we were treated i guess jessica's family got wind of this and contacted my wife to meet up earlier today jessica's family gave us the money back and while they were excited at first couldn't take it under false pretenses they found it condescending to give jessica a prize just for having asd it was a joint decision between jessica and her parents we talked a bit and learned jessica only joined because she's writing a cookbook for an asperger's syndrome organization she's apparently an avid cook and has trouble keeping everything consistent every time so it's half for her and half of this organization part of why she went to the competition is to raise awareness of the cookbook itself as well as asd and ass and hopefully win of course we didn't know any of this at all and i guess this is why the organizers wanted good pr my wife asked her if there was anything she could do and she can she's going to help out where she can or if jessica needs assistance things like editing photography etc and i guess everything turned out okay for everyone in the end except my contempt for the competition organizers and pss yes i know mentally handicapped isn't the right verbiage i've learned a lot about asd in the last few days i only kept it to be congruent with the previous post autism and asperger's in particular may not always or ever be a mental handicap i should have said disabled instead judging by a few comments they found it condescending to give jessica a prize just for having asd those are some good as parents right there glad everything turned out okay also whoever organized the competition are the true a-holes here yeah no kidding it is condescending and it didn't sound like they did it for jessica it sounds like they did it for pr which is honestly so gross glad her parents spoke to you they sound like awesome people and since op didn't even know about jessica's project i imagine they could have actually gotten great pr and awareness in one swoop by organizing the event better in the first place i know right seemingly they knew this beforehand and didn't expect the judges to not rule for her they could have just made a small boost prize and promote her writing her book and cover the costs of 10 or so books to give out to participants yeah but that's not inspiration porn enough for them probably and this is precisely why inspiration porn is so upsetting even if it's not this egregiously corrupt people just want to look and feel good they don't truly care about the individual they're speaking for like i said in the original post i have aspergers and pity is super insulting we want people to understand not pity us by definition we aren't stupid we just struggle with some things executive function and sensory overload are common issues but our iqs are either average or above average we know when someone is being condescending good on those parents but seriously the event organizer could not afford 500 extra winnings if they so desperately needed to give her the second place thumbs up to the parent though this was my question too if they wanted to give her something the organizers should have paid for it alone also i think it's kind of crappy that the organizers only wanted to give money to her because she was on the spectrum and they wanted publicity for her winning okay and i think that's where we're going to end today's episode guys as always i do hope you enjoyed it and maybe even learn something from these stories just want to say a quick shout out to my patreon subscribers and my channel members you guys should be on the screen right now if you do see yourself i want you to give yourself a little pat on the back for being amazing and supporting me on this channel this uh little journey we're going on on the youtubes i really appreciate it and you guys enabled me to do all this amazing work so if you do see yourself i love your face and i'm happy to see you also guys if you want to pitch in your own support you don't have to but channel links are down in the description below to support the patreon the channel membership whatever you want to do it's kind of like tipping me if you feel like i'm doing a good job on this channel i will be opening up avenues for content on those in the future just right now i'm kind of bogged down and stuck in ireland but you know it is what it is anyway guys with that said i do hope you have a wonderful day today whatever you're up to i'd love to know down in the comments below i do hope you have a good day night sleep whatever you're up to today tell me and i'll see you in the next episode guys bye

Channel: Markee

Views: 24,304

Keywords: aita, amitheasshole, r/aita, r/amitheasshole, aita reddit, markee, markee reddit, markee aita, markee amitheasshole

Id: syfMocWGKHo

Length: 23min 5sec (1385 seconds)

Published: Mon Sep 28 2020