People Who Speak A Second Language, What Funny Things Have You Overheard? (r/AskReddit)

serious redditors and speak a second language what funny things have you overheard from people my parents speak Malayalam a Dravidian language that nobody speaks outside of the state it's from more gatherings specifically for it I was on a vacation in Prague and out of the blue I hear oh my god there is so much crap in my but how did I miss this is there a bathroom nearby I turn around and look at a guy he looks at me it gets awkward i point around the corner he lowers his head and goes my dad is a husky fellow one day while at an all-you-can-eat restaurant the couple in the booth behind him said in our native language they meaning the restaurant are definitely not going to make any money on this guy dad turns around and says they'll be fine in Italy buzzed an apartment from the gate out front person saw me through the camera but since I am tall the camera is level with my chest I heard che brutta cravat ah or what an ugly tie it was my favorite tie I'm sure it is a nice tie I speak possible Germany the company I worked for had just acquired a firm in Germany I was invited into the department heads conference call as we went through the American departments it was clear that it was a [ __ ] ow in efficiencies bitching each other out on the call the works after an hour of this the it was the Germans turn clearly unaware that they were no longer on mute in beautifully gruff German they blurted out what I translated to stupid Americans just do your dang jobs you lazy shoots followed swiftly by now in English no issues in Germany everything is proceeding as per the schedule I know enough French to know the two little girls in van with Quebec plates called me a pig for burping at a gas station they were a mixture of shocked and amused when I made a pig nose gesture back at them I also worked with enough spanish-speaking people to know what the bad words are little old Puerto Rican ladies can be super vulgar in the grocery store I once got cooled over by my boss because there were some Mexican guys outside yelling waving their arms and pointing at each other he was scared they were going to start a brawl or something and asked me to go ask them to leave turns out there were just sand friends arguing over whose wife made the best puzzle for some reason whenever I go to Ikea there are Indian couples who like to discuss whether or not I am Indian yes I am and I'm South Indian so I do understand Tamil although I can't produce it I know a different s Indian language even if I didn't I can see that you are looking at me repeatedly in talking I'm a six feet one white girl that's fluent in Mandarin and was living in China sooo many comments were made about how tall I am and I always replied you're correct I am tall in Mandarin the reactions were hilarious my mom went to Shanghai recently and is a six foot three white woman she said everyone wanted her to take pictures with their kids because they'd never seen a woman so tall so now her phone is full of photos of her towering over Chinese children I'm Indian American it's in India everybody knows I'm American for one thing I'm much much taller etc I was on a train as a teenager when I had braces on my teeth this grandmother with her grandson was sitting across from me she said to her grandson look at these Americans they don't brush their teeth and they have to have them screwed in I think she was just trying to scare him into better oral hygiene but it was hilarious I started commenting on the weather and the view and she looked shocked and then disgusted with me ain't my fault that you assumed the brown American wouldn't understand you I was in a cab once and the driver was on his mobile speaking to a friend in French he started talking about me and my appearance yeah cute red hair boobs aren't so big I first felt kind of annoyed and insulted but then decided to mess with him a little I continued giving him directions in English for the whole 20-minute cab ride when we got near my block I said in perfect French here is perfect you can pull over Thanks and say hi to your friend for me here in the Philippines people are usually tree lingual you have your provincial language then the national language Filipino and English I was inside a packed bus once going home from school went to local ladies were audibly talking about this middle-aged Caucasian guy who was seated behind them it is always assumed that white guys have bigger junks compared to Asian men so these ladies went on giggling while talking about the guys supposedly huge dong in the local language at the next stop the white guy stood up and casually told the girls in perfect Filipino excuse me the man with a huge dong is passing by fie speak Levantine Arabic one time I was sitting on the tube in London with my headphones in and music playing I was owned out but suddenly noticed that people were looking at pre handsome and edging away from my end of the carriage I looked around and saw two Arab men shouting and gesticulating at each other intrigued I pulled out a headphone do you know Nancy Ajram they were passionately arguing over whether or not her boobs are fake the whole situation was equally saddening and hilarious I used to run an Asian market in central Mississippi I was a blond-haired blue-eyed white guy in a mostly Korean store being so close to the Nissan Plant in Canton many of my regulars were Japanese guys I spoke proficient Japanese at the time a group of guys came in that I'd never seen before as with all new customers I never assumed their ethnicity and greeted them in English they start making their rounds looking up and down the aisles I can hear they're speaking Japanese and looking for pickled radish typically with new customers I'll give them some time to explore then check on them and ask if they need help finding anything specific as I'm walking around from behind the counter I hear one guy suggest asking me where the radish would be just before rounding the corner another says the equivalent of nap that fricking foreigner doesn't know about any of this stuff Pocky and ramen lollol while using a pejorative term for foreigner major faux pas I look the guy square in the eye and told him in very informal Japanese here you foreigner the radish is in the first cooler second shelf under the miso than in more formal do you require any additional assistance all his buddies gave the typical Japanese where while via shat bow deeply apologizing over and over he went and waited in the van from then on any time that group came into the store and my car was parked out front he stayed in the van in Italy me and my other British friends more than once overheard people standing very close to us criticize our clothing for example what the heck is wearing why is she wearing a fancy dress costume clearly thinking we wouldn't understand but the worst incident was actually our own doing one of the most embarrassing moments of my life we were on a coach in Italy sitting in a group but one of us was sat next to an older gentleman from past experience we felt pretty sure that an Italian man that age would speak no English and even if he spoke a little bit he certainly wouldn't understand fast-paced colloquial English with strong regional accents so we went ahead and had a really long detailed graphic conversation about the gory details of vaginal and anal intercourse the mechanics doesn't your dong get cornered does cm function as lube this one time I etcetera etc after about an hour my friend turned to the elderly man to ask in Italian if he knew the name of the town we were in he replied in English I don't speak Italian I'm American Frick we literally just all pretended to go to sleep until he got off I'm passable in formal Arabic but understand the Egyptian dialects a little bit better and a couple of guys at my college were talking about my but while we were all buying food and they were behind me one of them wanted what color underwear was wearing so I answered them in Arabic it was really funny to watch these two guys freeze and walk into a different line to pay because I'm so white and very Irish looking and they were clearly not expecting it Vova scene british sign language middle-aged couple in the middle of town her carrying a man summers high street adult shop bag carrying on an animated and very detailed conversation about her dressing up for him tonight as a Ward 4 and that was the point at which I looked away I guess they'd assumed there wouldn't be any other signers around I speak Native American logic where Maui literally I hear like 10 dirty jokes from the elders on the rez whenever I'm around them old natives are like an endless pit of dirty jokes one of the old dudes I shall weave sometimes like to make beginning speakers repeat sayings like dirty butts and stuff and then likes to laugh his butt off at them because they don't know what it means it makes my heart happy the Chinese sushi chefs at my school seem to spend their time commentating on the appearance of every non Asian patron I've been roasted a couple times but I find it hilarious and try to keep a straight face since I don't want them to stop I'm an English speaker who knows decent Spanish walking through a bus terminal in the US and heard two women loudly making fun of everyone there in Spanish was laughing too hard to say anything to them a deaf couple made a fat joke about me in sign language I used the little bit of sign language I knew to flip them the bird my friend and I were in Mexico in a shop since we were speaking English in the store I guess they thought we didn't understand them they were commenting on my friends eyebrows since they're pretty thick but nice they were asking each other if her eyebrows were natural or if she drew them in that way one lady commented that they had to be drawn in look at them to which my friend responded in Spanish that they were actually natural the ladies faces were pretty surprised and they were pretty quiet for the rest of our time there I speak some Arabic English being my primary language I was delivering an eighty dollar order of pizza to a mosque where I was greeted by a rude boy he's casually cursing me out for being literally two minutes late all the while I'm just pretending to not notice when I handed him the receipt for signature tip he just signs it and then says in Arabic stupid sucker expecting a tip it was at that point I look him dead in the eye and say in pristine Arabic wash your filthy tongue we're in a mosque Allah have mercy on you he still didn't tip but was visibly upset so I got a good time out of it okay so I speak English and Maltese now Maltese is a Semitic language and we share a lot of our vocabulary with Arabic and Italian a few months my friend and I were casually in a highly popular tourist area and we overhear three Arab guys have a conversation we only caught the end of it though where one said hey Barbie kabali L badged now I'm not sure what this means in Arabic it's in Maltese it would translate to friend grow my balls my friend and I just looked at each other and bursted out laughing I heard some Swedes on a bus in Canada debating whether or not I might be Swedish after eyeing me suspiciously I am NOT Swedish but I sure do understand it if I speak three languages one of the languages is German probably the most entertaining thing I've heard are from German tourists who are in awe of Chicago architecture it's amazing what they notice in contrast with what some other tourists from other countries notice big white guy fluent in Spanish was walking to the grocery store with my wife and the two little Mexican guys behind us were commenting on how nice my wife's butters I turned around and said what about my butt in Spanish they immediately apologized and looked worried but I just laughed and then so did they I'm white as can be pea laughs blond hair blue eyes the whole nine yards and I speak decent Chinese no one ever expects that and certainly not my universities thousands of Chinese exchange students I was in the Student Union late so pretty empty studying when I hear two Chinese guys looking my way and saying go talk to her no you do it she's white she probably doesn't date Chinese guys do you think she's stuck-up etc I make eye contact with one of them and say in Chinese gimme your number they flipped crap Chinese people love it when anyone speaks their language though they did seem a little embarrassed as well worked out for the best I'm going on my third date with one of them this Friday my grandparents both worked at a hospital when they met each other they were both sitting in the cafe eating lunch with their friends when my grandfather started speaking in French to his friend not knowing my grandmother was fluent he talked about how pretty she was and how much he wanted to ask her out on a date after a couple of days of pretending she didn't understand French she went up to him and asked him in French if he wanted to see a movie with her my grandpa told me he just smiled and instantly fell in love with her I was in Colombia a few months ago in a small food shop with only two tables and noticed that there were two girls in there talking about whether they liked McDonald's or Burger King better I'm pretty fluent in Spanish but not completely so I try to listen to conversations to practice I thought it was amusing so I turned to my wife and told her in English what I thought they were talking about sure enough one of the girls turned around smiled and said yes that's what we are talking about fortunately I recovered pretty quickly and responded by asking them what their answer was and we struck up a short conversation with them before they left I was a little embarrassed even though I didn't really say anything embarrassing the thing is as soon as I turned to my wife to tell her what I thought they were talking about I thought to myself watch they are going to understand English and know that you're talking about them my grandmother and aunt flew to Vancouver to visit my family from Taiwan the custom official was asking then the standard questions when my grandmother tell my aunt in Taiwanese not Chinese hurry up and say whatever all he wants is our money the white custom official turns to my grandmother and spoke in perfect Taiwanese grandma we don't want your money but we need to make sure you answer honestly she told me she almost peed her pants sitting in a cafe in Wales speaking Welsh to my husband a woman on another table who from her accent was southern English says loudly bloody foreigners should speak our language in our country I slowly turned around and informed her she was correct and perhaps she would like some Welsh lessons while she was in Wales so she could make more of an effort to speak our language no reply I wouldn't say that I speak Japanese as a second language but I know enough to have overheard a couple tourists call me cute once I blushed and said thank you in Japanese that embarrass them much worse me and a friend who are both American but speak German and both in our early twenties were on an s barn train that was pretty full aka a Munich commuter train anyway me and my friend are just speaking in English because it the mother tongue when my friend just switches to German I just keep on going in English because it doesn't make a difference to me well right behind me was a group of about ten high school-aged girls who had been talking about us pretty openly for at least five minutes he said that when he switched to German their eyes got real big and they all just shut up the rest of the ride knowing that at least my friend had heard everything that they had said I was a South African working in London in 2000 I had just finished a 10-hour shift in a filthy factory and was on the Underground going home I had headphones on but something told me the women sitting across from me were talking about me so I turned the volume down they were talking about how disgraceful it was that a young woman was wearing heavy boots Doc Martens FTW and was so dirty at this time of the day at my stop I took my headphones off and told them I was sorry not to live up to their standards but that I had just finished a 10-hour shift I still wonder what they said afterwards in high school us I was on newspaper stuff with a guy named Royce who was second generation German American his grandfather had emigrated shortly after World War 2 and was in no way ashamed of being German or having been part of the ver marked in Grandpa's house you spoke German and you spoke it right or you didn't speak at all so Royce grew up speaking English and German perfectly and interchangeably also on staff was a particularly attractive friend of mine named Lenore anyway we spent a weekend at a nearby college doing newspaper II stuff and at one point the three others were walking across the campus to meet up with the rest of staff meanwhile two college students are walking behind us laughing and cutting in German I was unaware that Royce spoke German and even though I was deep in aware of who phase I only knew a few words so I mostly ignored them turns out they were describing in great detail all the things they wanted to do to Leonor up to and including kidnapping her and keeping her in a closet somewhere at that point voice frickin lost his crap in German he turned around and delivered an absolutely blistering dressing gown in the most formal perfect German imaginable it was like Mike Tyson beating someone with him lads it was like that video where Hitler smelled a fart it was like Mercedes Benz and BMW tag-teaming Audi with colour commentary by Fulks Varga it was epic I never knew what he said I only know that these two other students basically grown men turned tail and fled in the face of a high schooler half their size my friends and I were in Germany staying in host families houses we all agreed to meet up at the town square we'd been waiting for this one guy for close to 20 minutes now when he shows up followed by the most German looking woman I've ever seen she was one German dress away from being the poster girl from Oktoberfest that's when the clown in our group decided to mess with him and asked in Portuguese did you bang her yet she replied with I think you should be more respectful in fluent Portuguese everything was so quiet that you could hear with fly fart from a mile away turns out the girl was also Brazilian but she had German ancestry and had been living in Germany for a couple of years now she could speak fluent Portuguese it was seven years ago and we still laugh about it was at a hospital heard family discussing about how hurt someone should act no idea why you have been visited by the biggest dojo of good old times comment drink well duh go to get infinite purpose if you are new to the channel you can subscribe I publish new videos every day until then check another video or don't either way have a great day you magnificent people [Music]

Channel: Updoot

Views: 40,856

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Keywords: #updootst, updoot, updoot reddit, updoot everything, reddit on tap, toadfilms, pewdiepie, reddit, askreddit, funny reddit, reddit stories, top posts, reddit top posts, reddit cringe, comedy, reddit compilation, /r, r/, r/askreddit, top posts of r/, askreddit reading, best reddit posts, top posts of all time, people of reddit, askreddit question, ask reddit, subreddit, sub, askreddit funny, best of reddit, askreddit top posts, best of r/askreddit, reddit story, funny askreddit

Id: KyA1pb4hMwY

Length: 19min 22sec (1162 seconds)

Published: Sun Oct 27 2019