People Who Disowned A Family Member Share Their Stories - AskReddit

she threatened to burn the house down as she left parents who have disowned or genuinely stopped loving your child what happened my parents disowned my oldest sister she always struggled growing up more than us she became a teen mom with a bad older dude partied a lot etc but my parents helped her a lot they do okay for themselves but had a no co-signing rule for all six of my siblings and I still they co-signed for her house so she could get a head start she didn't pay the mortgage for almost three years before my mom got served in front of all the other nurses at her work my parents worked tirelessly to try to work out deals where my sister and her family kept the house and got some leniency but to no avail because my sister never showed up for court dates during this time she paid $12,000 for IVF and got pregnant with her fifth kid when my mom demanded some of the money back she accused my dad and my brother of beating her sons when my parents took them to Disney World he didn't and said she'd file a police report if he asked for money again they kept asking cause it wasn't true she awkwardly joined us for Christmas and punched my brother in the face during the meal for humiliating her oldest son by asking him if he wanted to work at my brother's company for good pay her oldest son is in and out of jail and my brother was trying to help him after his release but her son said he didn't want a job and got mad she then called the cops and told them the same brother had illegal guns in his truck and they came on Christmas night and searched his truck no guns found needless to say she is not welcome anywhere near any of us and my mom still cries about it but refuses to talk to her again I was a kid and my sister was much older when my parents were finally done with her from my recollection she went through the cycle of making one stupid decision after another even when they would tell her and show her why she shouldn't make that decision dropped out of college they were paying for and used the tuition money she was refunded to buy a Firebird then quit her job lit car run out of oil kept driving it until the engine seized up parents bailed her out again buying her what they could afford on one salary a decent used station wagon only catch she'd take the job my dad called in favors for parents come home one day to find strange car and driveway a son bird it was old and rusty but it was a one to one trade my sister managed to swing on the station wagon lo and behold old and rusty car breaks down almost immediately and she simply stops showing up to work gets fired moves out with no car and no job accusing parents of controlling her life moves back in three months later upset that I have moved into her old bedroom which is bigger demands to be moved back into the bigger bedroom parents say no she threatens to move out she goes on a semi hunger strike about the bedroom turns out she was shoplifting in stockpiling candy to eat so she wouldn't have to eat with the rest of the family during this time dates the number of less-than-stellar boyfriends including a guy who is thirty years older but drives a Porsche a guy who had been convicted of sexual abuse and another guy who generally creeps everyone out by jumping the fence and just standing in the backyard at all hours of the night eventually she is told to pay rent go to college or move out she chooses to move out and is gone by the end of the week I clearly remember her threatening to burn the house down as she left two months later she asks to move back in because her roommate and best friend kicked her out parents say no she's on her own unless she wants to go to college or get a job and keep it car breaks down again for good and calls and asks parents if they can buy a new one for her not new as in new to her new as in brand new model year my parents newest car was fifteen years old at the time they say no and not to call again there were a whole raft of other things too including forgetting to pick up her grandmother from doctor's appointments generally loading the existence of the rest of her family and then ironically to riding the family as rednecks when she finally managed to hook a guy who was a small business owner and actually had some money anywho it's been about 20 years since I've spoken to her and from the stuff I hear now and again through the pipeline I'm better for it I do expect her to come calling when my parents pass and she finds out I'm the sole heir my ex-wife disowned my son we both married young when I was in the military high school sweethearts she became pregnant into our marriage I don't think she connected with him at all after he was born the most she did with him was Instagram photo shoots where she painted herself as number one mommy when he turned three I left the military a year after that she ran for the hills I remember it like it was yesterday i sat down with her at a local restaurant to talk divorce plans we split all of our financials and material items down the middle we finally got to custody for my kiddo something I dreaded to discuss because father's never gain custody in my area and she tells me I want absolutely no responsibility I was taken back and I asked if she was sure she was that one sentence hurt me more than anything else that happened during that time my biological father wanted nothing to do with me and now I was seeing it happen with my own child but with his mother I received full custody and she married within a year afterwards she had another child to her parents try their best to be a part of his life but she still does her best to avoid him he's seven now unused to it but I know it waits heavily on him it sucks but it's life I guess not my kid but my sister I raised for several years I was a senior in high school when my parents had my sister completely unexpected they were 58 and 55 I never really got to know her much as I went away to college when she was five months old and was in the Air Force by the time she was one-and-a-half I saw her twice on leave and got picks but the way life was working out we never really got time together fast forward our dad dies when she is 2 and our stepmother is raising her she was a terrible parent like the kind that saw one of her kids run away at 16 - halfway across the country another runaway at 15 and get married and one that is just a loon who spent his life bouncing around whatever hot tan elem program was out there as a career she also convinced my dad to send me to a pray away the gay camp and TN when I was 15 so when my sister was 11 and begging for help I took leave and went to her surprisingly our stepmonster was happy to get attorneys to draw up the paperwork for me to become my sister's guardian and even pay for it so I'm raising my sister and things are okay until she is about 14 then I caught her doing these videos online [ __ ] dirty trying to get guys to jerk off so that was a mess of trying to get those down and suing the people that hired her to do them ran away for a week hiding out at a friend's house found her when she was caught shoplifting a B&E charge at 14 trying to steal the phone of a boy she was dating to say if he was talking to other girls it happened on base and I managed to talk it out of being a bigger thing a second B&E charged with friends breaking into the NCO club to try to steal bear I was told I had to leave base housing at that point my security clearance was suspended to make sure she wasn't putting me in a position that could be compromised still 14 arrested with a stolen military ID trying to get into a bar 15 escapes rehab 15 escapes rehab again 16 things seem good and she is taking school seriously at 18 she was accepted to RISD graduated with honors and had an actual decent paying job with a web company with benefits and everything started getting stoned a lot lost her job sold her car to pay bills lost her apartment still hadn't bothered looking for work got her trust fund at 24 blew over $400,000 in two years nothing to show for it had multiple cases against her for drugs was restricted to the state but decided to go follow fish around anyway in Somali got picked up for hooking and possession out of state was returned to re where she was detained and somehow released pending trial yet again while awaiting trial she was caught holding enough packaged for sale heroin to qualify as a distribution charge by then I hadn't heard from her for almost seven years and only managed to keep up with her reading the police blotter ur from the occasional attorney that she had contact me to verify I would pick up her legal tab I wouldn't against any logic she was out of prison in under three years I heard she dimmed a bunch of people out to make it happen she showed up at my house asking for a place to stay I said I couldn't have her in my house but I'd get her a place for the night and then help her locate a place of her own that night she broke into my house nearly got shot by me while doing it and tried to spin some story that she was looking for something she dropped in my house earlier that day despite never actually entering my house I told her she had to go she threatened she would call DCFS and tell them I was abusing my kids if I didn't go with her to an ATM and give her all the money I could withdraw told her to get the hell out before I exercise the castle defense law and dropped her took out a restraining order the next day and in doing so found she once again left state when she wasn't supposed to haven't violated her parole so back to the clink since then she's been dead to me disowned my step-brother because he ended up being caught in a pedo sting he was caught in a giant sting and was charged for having kiddie porn as well as breaking into teen girls emails to find lewd pictures to blackmail them into having sex with him he was 21 when he was caught the most messed up part was that a couple years before he was caught he had broken into my email and done the same thing tried to blackmail me into giving him more pictures I was able to get him to keep his mouth shut because the pictures he found of me were from me when I was 15 and I threatened to go to the cops to charge him with child pornography that shut him up real quick probably because he knew they'd find whatever else he was hiding I wish I had gone to the cops because maybe I could have prevented him from harming those other girls but I honestly had no idea about the extent of it I thought he was just being a supreme creep to me personally the SWAT team ended up raiding our house waking up my dad with guns in his face and forcing him to sit outside in his boxers while they searched my brother is serving 18 years he tried to send me a few letters with some BS apology I told him to leave me the hell alone and haven't talked to him since my family disowned me because I disowned my mother I was sexually groomed abused and tortured by her husband for years and when I finally told her she not only didn't believe me but stayed married to him for seven years I had to move out at 16 to get away from how I was being treated then when I finally began speaking to others she started to cover her butt with her social circle by telling them that I seduced her husband I cut her off for years and didn't ever want to see her again but my family bullied me to just get over it and have a relationship with my mother and that I was hurting her even my sister who knew what happened knew I stayed for so long to protect her fell into a trap of my mother whining to everyone around her and pain me as a liar about four years ago she was very suddenly diagnosed with advanced cancer and didn't have much time I was moving out of my home state and everyone told me I needed to see her before I left that I needed to be there but I didn't want to in the end everyone turned their back on me they were so mad I wouldn't just forget my trauma just to say goodbye to someone I hadn't loved for a long time and rightly so my mother and her sister were both adopted into a great family recently my grandfather fell ill and we were told to prepare to say goodbye so the family gathered my grandmother has had a hard time with her memory since she had a brain hemorrhage but she welcomed my aunt into her home during this tough time whilst my grandfather was in his final week Wendy and took my grandmother's ATM card and proceeded to spend well over a thousand dollars on herself and get herself a motel room she also attempted to steal their car when my uncle's found out she basically disappeared into the wind after my grandfather passed and his funeral was all sorted my grandmother went to an attorney to write Wendy out of any inheritance she would get from their estate when she passes she didn't press any formal charges because the whole process would have been lengthy and more painful for her she didn't need the extra stress I'm pretty sure one of my uncle's also threatened Wendy to make sure she stayed away from my grandmother from now on - I wouldn't say I've disowned or stopped loving my son but it's real tough to find love for him he's almost 14 next month and he's currently out of our home at a treatment facility he's averaged two arrests a year for the last two years and he's attacked my wife several times our daughter's several times and the neighborhood kids several times he's run away from school run away from home and tried to push me off the roof of our house after threatening to jump off and hurt himself we have become that family in our town where the police are called to our home on a semi-regular basis he's been getting more violent as he gets older not to mention bigger and stronger and I honestly don't see an end in sight the key fact I'm leaving out is that he's been diagnosed as high-functioning autistic it is also bipolar that's like putting walls around a tornado and expecting it to stay inside the walls a lot of what has occurred he had little control over because of the way his mind is where he's constantly at war with himself structure versus chaos and my wife and I have tried desperately to give him the best life we can while keeping ourselves and our daughters safe but I'm tired it's been eight and a half years we've been going through this with him and I've been ready to throw in the towel on him for a while but my wife refuses to let him go so we wake up every morning trying to give him the best life for him and our girls I've disowned one of my siblings still have five other siblings my sister is just a horrible person she's the youngest of the seven and she's been rotten since she was a teenager she is much younger than the rest of us so while the other six grew up together she was almost like an only child she treats everybody in her life like they're here to serve her needs some of the things she's put our mother through were truly horrible I wouldn't care if she disappeared forever I am not sure if this counts I didn't disown him but I went through a dissociative episode after some really intense trauma and I honestly couldn't feel any attachment and parental love that I had for my son I tried not to show it and behave as normally as possible because he was a child at the time and couldn't possibly understand what I was going through it was pretty disturbing to not be able to feel any sense of bond with him I eventually got better but I definitely did not feel what I or most people would call love for him my mother was disowned by her parents for her interracial relationship we are from the South Arkansas there are parts of this that are weird too my mother initially lied to her parents and said she was dating an Arab man this was fine but they found out she was lying leading to her being disowned I guess in the early 70s Arabs were okay but blacks were no no's they disowned my mom but it was fine if we came over my older sister was close with them but me and my younger sister always felt weird going over there they adored my older sister though and she stayed over and went on vacation with them among other things I remember asking my grandfather why he didn't like my mother or when I was about eight or nine years old at a cousin's birthday party he just walked away these same people who essentially pushed her out of their lives were the same one she took care of and comforted in their darkest times she sort of went back to them and they didn't push her away for what I am assuming is they knew the end was near and they were trying to right their wrongs I have no idea just an assumption she was there with them until their ends though my mom might not be perfect but damn that made me look at her in a completely different light I have four grown children one of my children I'll call her amber has mental health problems I would say that her behavior makes it very difficult to love her her siblings want nothing to do with her but amber thinks she is perfectly sane and everyone else in the family is crazy and evil she also thinks she is superior to us all and will one day be rich and famous she is currently on welfare no one else in the family has ever been on welfare the other day she came over to our house she sat down and spent about 30 minutes telling us that we had starved and abused her when she was a child not true that we are horrible people she claims that her father sexually abused her not true she told me I'm her mother that I am a pedophile because I blew a kiss to my three-year-old grandchild amber has three children and claims we have sexually abused them not true we love these three girls very much but currently Amber will not let us see them and is probably telling them bad things about us it is heartbreaking after amber had yelled at us for a while she told us that if we don't confess to the abuse we have done and we can have no contact with her or her children on her way out she grabbed a bottle of our scotch and said it was not fair that we had a bunch of expensive scotch when she didn't my husband collects different types of scotch and drinks it very moderately she took the Scotch during this visit we noticed that Amber has lost a lot of weight and looks almost anorexic amber also accused her husband of being a pedophile and forced him to confessing to having thoughts of pedophilia because amber is involved with social services they found out about Amber's accusations and her husband was unable to be alone with his kids for about a year until he convinced them he was not a pedophile amber has been hospitalized once for mental problems but never got diagnosed her children were put in a foster home for three months because she was physically attacking her husband hitting scratching etc in front of the kids we were able to get the kids back but it took a $5,000 legal bill and there is so much more craziness she has currently started having a relationship with a man who lives near her by the way her husband is still with her apparently the man from down the street is also staying with them and the kids we are just praying she is using birth control she seems to get especially crazy after having a baby though her youngest is currently 2 she also asserts that both my husband and I were sexually abused by our fathers not true she claims there is a family curse she seems to really believe this she sent us a text message last night reiterating the no contact unless we confess at this point we are quite relieved that she wants no contact her disgusting accusations have cast a pall over our love for her and even our love for her children we feel we need to withdrawal from her family completely to avoid any more pain but we would be there to help her grandkids in a heartbeat if there was an opportunity my older brother is the disowned child he has been a petty crook as long as I could remember into hard drugs since his preteens and pretty much a full-blown sociopath he treated every girl in his life like meat I remember him as a teenager calling his girlfriend a [ __ ] because she didn't want to blow him when he knocked some chick up years later he had a daughter and one of the first things out of his mouth in the hospital after her birth was she's going to grow up to be a [ __ ] like her mom let's just say the child is better off not having him as a father figure she's been adopted since then and is living a happy childhood last time I checked he treated my parents like trash he would be in and out of jail and they would take him in whenever he was out then he'd find a job lose it and go back to jail rinse and repeat he would get in physical fights with my mom dad me he'd kick our dogs cats etc we'd have to get new drywall to replace the holes he punched through those walls he'd have freak outs and smashed things all around the house living with him was a nightmare the last straw was him walking out on his kid and her mother and starting a gang fight at our house over a drug deal gone wrong things got really violent and I'm pretty sure her weapons were involved he left the house and on that very same night he came back because he needed a place to stay when my dad said no he started fighting my dad I stepped in at that point and almost beat the hell out of him no one messes with my dad no one it ended with my dad having to hold me down to stop me from killing him and my brother walking away down the street yelling obscenities haven't seen him since this was six years ago at this point he's either in jail or dead I may have every reason in the world to hate him for everything he's done but I don't he's a tortured soul who has led his demons get the absolute best of him plain and simple I just hope that he finds some kind of peace even if it takes stuff for him to do so bill if you're reading this you were my brother and I still love you and I hope you're okay wherever you are a little different I was disowned but I deserved it I was an addict and a mess for a long time my mom couldn't keep bailing me out of trouble and watch me self-destruct anymore I wasn't living at home she came to see me one last time to tell me she was done not to contact her she would no longer have anything to do with me she was in pieces I can't imagine how hard it must have been for her but it was the best thing she ever did for me once she cut me off my rock bottom came hard and fast after a little while of living on the streets and my addiction consuming me I made my way to a detox center got a few days clean under my belt and never looked back that was almost 15 years ago after I was clean a little while I contacted my mom and little by little we built a relationship again and now we're really close I am forever grateful to my mom for letting me fall and letting me back into her life my biological father divorced my mom and also has three kids basically bouncing out of our lives and making it clear he wanted next to nothing to do with any of us when he left man years later at my older sister's funeral that he had the gall to attend I asked him why he did that he said I thought it would be easier for everyone he actually meant it was easier for him to run home to his wealthy family and enjoy a second adolescence while my single mother worked two jobs to feed three kids under ten with zero child support from him I have been legally disowned by my father when I was 11 my mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer this was her second diagnosis in around four years obviously she recovered the first time after intense surgery and a lot of chemo and he did not want to look after her like he did before he also had a new girlfriend and her family to look after apparently and he had no issues leaving us when my mum passed away when I was 14 my brother grandmother him and I met up to discuss who I was going to live with the plan was my brother and his family father was never considered and he showed up and declared that he was in the process of going to court to legally emancipated himself from me he went out of his way to legally declare that I was no longer his child just so that my brother 22 year old with a wife and two young children already struggling on one paycheck couldn't seek child support needless to say it stung coming only days after my mother's funeral as Jehovah's Witnesses my parents disowned my siblings and I several times since I was in my late teens one of the Jehovah rules is that you do not associate with others who know the truth but refused to follow it including family and parents are encouraged to disown any children who have left the religion the first time was when I was 19 it upset me I was heartbroken and eventually they changed their minds only to do it again a couple years later and so on until I stopped caring and no longer attempt to be a part of their lives at all not a parent but my parents stopped loving me the moment I was just fellowshipped as a Jehovah Witness and I was promptly kicked out I knew nothing of how to live on my own at the time but I had a decent job and survived my brother stopped associating with him two years later and lives with me and they since moved away 1,500 miles away to be exact it's easier to tell people I'm orphan or that I do not have parents cause it's hard to explain how they would stop loving or want to associate with their own son over some stupid cult rules my father said my mother's issue was she had too many children and it gave her some kind of brain-fever much like a dog that loses its mind after having too many puppies my mother said my father felt trapped by me he was planning to leave when it was just my two older brother and then my mother got pregnant with me and he felt obligated to stay now that I'm an adult with two kids myself I think I realized that both of my parents are just extremely mentally ill and incapable of loving anyone including themselves thanks for listening to radio 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Id: GPDnUUf8DmI

Length: 24min 46sec (1486 seconds)

Published: Tue Oct 15 2019