Men Share How They Escaped Their Toxic Girlfriend - AskReddit

i ended up being charged a few days later because she was smaller than me men who have had a toxic wife or girlfriend what did you do to get out of it i dated this girl for over a year because i just couldn't figure out how to get rid of her she was insanely jealous in any discussion of my unhappiness and our relationship just brought accusations of cheating these inevitably led to punching and kicking i never really felt like i could fight back any action to defend myself would probably have ended with me getting arrested she was much smaller than me so most police would most likely take her side i was trapped eventually her father came to visit the first time he and i were alone together he immediately asked if i was okay he said he knew how she could be this confused me at first i barely knew him and didn't know if i could trust him just told him everything was fine it had been for a few weeks he stayed a few days and by the end of his visit i could see he was just a cool dude who knew his daughter had issues a couple months later i reached my breaking point i was miserable i just wanted her out of my life i looked in her address book for his number and called i told him i couldn't take it anymore and was trapped unless i defended myself with physical force he sighed and said can you hang until thursday he told me he'd make the eight-hour drive to my house if i could wait a few days on thursday afternoon we were standing in the kitchen when there was a knock on the door she answered surprised to see her dad what are you doing here dad he just shrugged and stared at me i blurted it out i'm breaking up with you we're done she charged at me with clenched fists but he was ready he grabbed her from behind and put her in a full nelson hold she was dragged like this across my driveway and thrown into the backseat of his car the last time i saw her she was trying to kick out his rear window as he drove away there's a good possibility i may owe my life to that dude i feel really bad for him she was otherwise a wonderful person but if she lost her temper look out hopefully she found help my ex and i were together for a total of six and a half years through that time she did nothing but complain about how i never do anything to make her life easier even though i worked my butt off at my job at school trying to help her with her school her job keeping her house up to date electrical wise etc she would put me down any chance she got talking [ __ ] on my family on a regular basis telling me my hobbies were outdated and no one would respect me with them my music taste in movies my friends even my dreams they were all bad to her i told her about my career choice of training to be a police officer and she just put me down telling me i would never make it told her i wanted to move out of state to arizona and she called me a [ __ ] because i wanted to be closer to my family and i love the desert i started to shun my family and friends because i was just scared of the arguments i started showing signs of depression and she would just tell me i had no reason to be depressed she started to threaten me with a breakup every chance that she got play mind games with me and then for no reason at all give me the silent treatment for days there was no hand holding no kissing no hugs especially if we were out in public once she started to bring up my moving out i finally realized what was going on my friend took me in and i immediately up and left she got pissed off at me for it like everything else and i just said effort and changed my phone number since then i have gotten incredibly close to one of my good friends and she now wants to go out on a date with me we have a hell of a lot in common and her family loves me she makes me feel wanted and appreciated so to all of you remember there are other women out there that will appreciate us for who we are for what we do and will make us feel amazing keep your heads up and don't let anyone get in the way of your dreams or who you are i would classify my ex as an emotionally abusive and manipulative person this culminated in her cheating on me denying it when i found out and then trickle trothing me and our group therapist for months i eventually decided that i had gained everything i could from our group sessions and ended all contact with her i blocked her everywhere months later she contacted me through chat of all things saying that she had information that affected my health and that i would suffer the consequences if i did not reply i did and was told a few things she allegedly had hepatitis c doubtful really since it is so rare to get from hospitals she had seen our therapist who now totally agreed that i was at fault a lie since i had seen her only a week before for an individual session and she mentioned having not seen my ex in months she was now seeing two other therapists that both agreed that i was a villain whatever after our conversation during which i told her that i thought she was a dangerous person for me to be around she contacted many mutual friends on facebook and told them that i was unsupportive during her time of need several of them mostly those who only knew me as her boyfriend unfriended me no big loss i got tested for stds just in case was found clean and haven't heard from her since my sister's partner was abused by his girlfriend for 10 years the only reason he left was two of his friends literally kidnapped him to save his life quiet truly she nearly killed him twice once by breaking a marble chopping board on his head she also tried to castrate him with a knife he was so scared of leaving the house he sewed it up with fishing line his friends took him out to the country and while he didn't get over it he realized he could survive on his own he has a ptsd depression and his epilepsy had got worse over the years since probably because of the head injuries he sustained from her we've been slowly supporting him to break the conditioning she left him with he will apologize for anything even if it isn't his doing he has improved over the years i've known him and he has supported my sister greatly after she lost her husband she cherishes him for his utter selflessness loving nature and the joy he takes in being loved without cruelty be happy and loved by someone who truly deserves you ex was a fighter in other words her emotional response to pretty much anything was to get pissed off and pick an argument all of the following happened some several times had a bad day at work pick a fight about dinner flight was delayed here comes an argument over text didn't like the music playing in the gym started an argument with me let that sink in she didn't like the music in a public place so dragged me into an argument she loved to debate and would pick apart not just every word i said but the inflection in every word the arguments could be about anything she was a master at finding a single minor detail and then picking at the edges of it until she worked herself until a rage and blew up it finally got too much when i was having anxiety attacks and developing hand tremors i was trying to think all the way through conversations before they happened so that i wouldn't say anything to set her off it was like a switch flipping when it went one minute i was groveling and trying to talk my way out of another argument the next i just calmly said enough is enough i can't do this anymore and hung up the phone haven't spoken to her since went to jail for it she bit my face and clawed my arms both drawing blood and the cops were called she was taken away but i ended up being charged a few days later because she was smaller than me i got a bad lawyer and had to take a plea spent five days in jail after a tour in afghanistan after that i moved home with my parents restarted at a community college ended up with my ba and later on an m ed and moved to a new state my life is great now wish i'd known how to get out of that sooner and with less damage came on to complain about an ex ended up having some wholesome and meaningful conversation with folks about psychiatric struggles and loved ones i broke up while in public took family with me immediately after to get my things tried to go no contact it worked for a while trouble is she's ingrained my church's community so after enough playing cordial i actually started talking to her again massive mistake didn't get her out of my life until she started making self-harm threats again months later at which point i hung up the phone and called the sheriff this was a week after i had to walk another friend of mine to the car after she terrified her not friends stormed out of my apartment screaming and throwing my stuff because i wouldn't walk her to the car with two pans of food on the stove she then lurked there for an hour and a half why the hell i ever let that under-diagnosed pustule of human poison back into my life the first time is still a mystery to me my first girlfriend was wicked abusive i tried to break up with her after a few weeks and harmed herself in front of me to prove how much she loved me i was 15 and terrified we ended up dating two years because she would threaten to end herself and i was not in a good place due to my mom's gambling i was homeless for a few months and she tried to make me depend on her non-stop when i finally broke it off i just cut all contact she had moved schools the week prior she stalked me for years after and told people i violated her even though we never went beyond kissing i lost a lot of friends because her lies the last time i had contact with her was when i was in iraq and my mother just died she sent me a message on facebook saying condolences for my mom i didn't even know she passed yet she even sent flowers to her funeral she terrifies me i hope we're counting emotional and verbal abuse the simple answer is that i let her leave taking the risk that she might try to hurt herself in retaliation she'd use breaking up and veiled threats of subsequent self-immolation as a tool to guilt and control me drove all my friends away i wasn't even talking to my roommate hardly a man i consider my brother and quite possibly my closest friend and who lived in the next room constant belittling of my friends extending to harassment in the case of female friends did the hot and cold thing one minute praising me like i hung the moon the next minute accusing me of being a cheater or of wanting to cheat it was weird looking back when she started trying to weasel her way in between me and my nuclear family i knew i had to take the chance that she might hurt herself to get back at me after breaking up i woke up one morning to scream accusations of cheating and threats to leave and put herself out of her misery and i just sort of raised my head off my pillow and mumbled all right i'll drive you to your parents house in a bit she was shocked i knew immediately that i'd made the right decision because she looked like a kid whose sandcastle had just been kicked over i just left the job we both worked at obviously she had to keep the leash taught i heard from a couple people there who actually knew me firsthand that she did indeed attempt i never found out the method i wasn't interested in hearing details after recovering she proceeded to talk about how horrible i'd been to her confirming every asinine grapevine rumor she could never mind the fact that i rarely had any more than 20 minute out of her sight at a time a few of my female co-workers put in for transfers since she fingered them as cohorts of my infidelity and they instantly became personas non-grata i spent a good couple weeks blocking the death threats and hate messages from jealous exes and new suitors don't ever try to get her back blah blah blah i didn't care at that point i had honestly been pushed to the point that i had to cut the toxicity out of my life even if it had cost her hers i haven't dated in the years since just the knowledge that i was pushed to the point of not caring if a woman ended herself bothers me i know i'm not responsible and that she's sick but i'd rather never do anything like that again i insisted on divorce after years of attempted couples therapy we were together for 15 years and unhappy for at least half of it often unlike a roller coaster i tried way too hard to make it work out of pride and embarrassment she was abusive unfaithful emotionally unstable a financial burden and a crazy succubus i filed everything pro se gave her 40k and absorbed 9k of her debt in exchange for my freedom no kids involved but i lost the dog the latter is what hurt me the most when all was done it was so worth it and i only wish i had abandoned the sinking ship years earlier life is too short three years later i'm happier now than ever with a great dog financial freedom supportive friends and a wonderful family after 10 years i started setting and holding boundaries and gave myself a bottom line for what kind of treatment i would and would not accept largely thanks to advice from my therapist and some really good friends she started sensing that she no longer had control over me and made a big show about moving out to try and get me back under her thumb i just continued holding my boundaries and bottom line which further enraged her she caused a huge dramatic scene by coming over in the middle of the night demanding to take the dog i changed the locks the garage code the netflix password kicked her off the google play family plan made a therapy appointment and scheduled a meeting with a lawyer to get my options armed with this new information i told her i was done and that she could lawyer up if she wanted to but that i was willing to pay as much as it took to make sure i was out that was a month ago and i've never felt better if you hear a little voice inside you saying to get out let it take over become your own advocate get your life back luckily she moved three hours away i broke up with her right before she was leaving for the weekend to look at apartments in her new city i was told to break up with her in a public place but i caved when she insisted on coming in that was of course a huge mistake she wouldn't accept that i was serious about dumping her and wouldn't leave saying that she had a headache and it wasn't safe for her to drive home she spent the rest of the night trying every manipulative trick she had to win me back even telling me that she loved me for the first time i gave her an uncommittal we'll see which was enough to get her out of my apartment the next morning once she left i went no contact and stopped replying to her messages throw away because i still have to see her my now ex-girlfriend was pretty abusive both verbally and emotionally at first she would yell at me for things like holding her hand or not but eventually it got to the point where she started to hit me worst part was she emotionally beat me down until i tried to take my own life and afterwards kept telling me she was the only one there for me she would tell me i couldn't push her away because i'd have no one else it ended after we fought and she punched me because i didn't kiss her i stood up to her and we broke up she ended up leaving me in the city and told me to find my own way home well i did and now we don't talk i just have to see her a few times a week it's vague but i'd rather not go into too much detail she's a redditor and she already spreads enough lies about me i literally woke up epiphany wake up not morning wake up and realized i just didn't have to deal with her i firstly realized i am not a superhero i cannot save the day i secondly realized i'm not being heroic a good guy whatever by putting up with someone abusing me and my resources i first ended the relationship then i spent two months trying to get her to move out before my spine reformed and i served her with eviction papers i owned the house we were not married she had no options for stopping the process once she was out this is a theme in this post i blocked her on facebook removed anyone who was friends with her from my friend list only one person was a loss to me and i told them i was taking ownership of the decision and not forcing them to choose closed my bank accounts shared accounts and credit cards reopened new ones alerted everyone i cared about that she'd be reaching out to them about me some minor hell persisted for months afterwards where she did standard angry ex stuff and she even texted me a few times a month asymptotically tapering off initially i was very clear i don't want to have any contact with you anymore please stop reaching out to me she let things be for maybe a year texted me out of the blue and i just ignored her haven't heard anything in four years but still panic a little if i see a car similar to the one i bought her had a girlfriend once that hit her crazy well for a while but i had a few experiences with pg versions in the past with other women and started to see the signs like if i didn't text back right away she would get angry and possessive and pissed off she was always wondering where i was who i was with that insisted i see her every night or i must be mad at her and would apologize for whatever she did to make me mad i was in school full-time and working full-time to pay for it so i did not have a lot of free time didn't matter that sort of thing it got to the point where she was threatening to end her life if i didn't text her back even while i was at work so i did what i thought was best and told her we're done i totally cut contact with her after that cold turkey i make it my purpose to never go near where she lived or where she worked blocked her on social media no contact i felt like a total genital but there was no letting this girl off easy without a serious poop storm she would have all day conversations with herself through text without me saying a word beginning with please don't leave me yada yada then she would get angry and send full page texts of all bold you piece of poop i'm the best you'll ever have then sorry i was yelling i just love you so much then if you don't text me back i am going to win myself then i'm sorry for saying that this happened every day for a month i felt terrible for her but i knew that if i texted back even once she would win i would call her friends to tell them she needed their help and almost called the police a few times to check on her but it was all a ploy for me to respond to her she would never go through with it so i ended up contacting a friend of mine who was a cop for advice and he said to change your phone number and forget about it so that's what i had to do found out a few years later that she had to move back in with her parents because she was self-harming she was doing this long before i showed up and couldn't hold down her job fourth in a year she made me feel like a real piece of poop the entire time and responsible somehow for her issues but another part of me knows if it hadn't been me it would have been someone else so to answer your question it was not clean it was not easy and it was not without learning a lot about myself in the end i was with a mother of my kids for six years she slapped me threatened me and slapped many of her friends she got into a fight with my much larger brother and messed up his nose she was mentally abusive i just stayed because of my kids which i know is wrong i was always thinking she was cheating on me and caught her a few times lying who she was with and whether she is at work or not out of six years she worked maybe three while i supported her and our kids turns out i was right she had been cheating for almost the entire time i have to get a dna test for my daughter she also gave me two sti that i had to clear up what broke the last straw was the second sti she admitted to sleeping with eight people but i found out two more she didn't admit too unfortunately i have to deal with her for the rest of my life because kids i wish i had an amazing uplifting story to share but it's pretty mundane she was mentally unwell depression anxiety panic disorder and started getting very verbally and emotionally abusive and manipulative i tried being understanding supportive logical calm every rational response you could think of because i knew most or all of this was her illness manifesting itself against the only target she had she was depressed enough that she hardly left the apartment i was the only other person she'd see for weeks at a time anyway the stress got to me eventually and we started getting into screaming matches basically every night we were miserable so i suggested a trial separation she refused for another month or so before she agreed that it was a good idea and that maybe we needed time away from each other so she left the apartment and went to stay with her friend a week or two later she sent me a text telling me that she was going to be sending me some papers to sign she gently and quietly shook me awake at 3am wake up wake up wake up as my eyes slowly opened they were greeted with a full blast of pepper spray holy hell what the hell i threw her off of me and stumbled to the bathroom i stood under the shower with my eyelids held open until dawn this was the straw that broke the camel's back as the saying goes the culmination of six years of progressively worse abuse i knew at that moment if i didn't do something i would end up dead or in prison i tried to make it work but her metal issues were progressing she claimed that night that i was dreaming of being with another woman was i talking in my sleep nope she could tell by the look on my sleeping face i was moved out by noon that day never looked back there was nothing i could do to help her as i was the enemy in her mind i still remember feeling defeated as i loaded a u-haul truck i felt like i was giving up on something i could correct it took quite some time to realize there was nothing i could do i got out of it by moving back in with my dad at the age of 38. the abuser was an active alcoholic slash addict with undiagnosed borderline personality disorder we had been together about 10 years in a toxic relationship she was manipulative and emotionally abusive i was no saint either then she started getting physical and that was when i had a moment of clarity she was trying to wrestle my debit card away from me so she could go buy more liquor and i realized if i kept going on with her things would get worse physically and i would be the one going to jail so i threw some stuff in a bag and left for my dad's house i ended up staying there for about a month while she spiraled further out of control eventually she agreed to get help and spent a week in a detox and i was able to move back home i got sober as a result and with a lot of help from family friends and things i don't understand have stayed sober since after detox she spent about three months in her recovery house sadly it didn't take and she continued to drink and use but i couldn't let her go we dated off and on during the times she could stay sober eventually she started seeing someone else and played us off each other dragging me back into the thick of it she moved back in with me about two years after i first left history repeated itself and about 18 months later i had to head back over to my dad's house because she was getting worse and more physical than ever just over a month later she went away to a recovery community for around nine months she managed to get to a year of sobriety and we went out a few times but she was still manipulative and started playing me off other guys again then she relapsed i cut it off and went no contact she would ping me ever six months or so but we never engaged again overall the relationship devoured over 17 years of my life and i'm still not completely over it she died of a heroin overdose about six months ago she locked herself in a bathroom christmas morning with a chef's knife and threatened to end herself so i involved the police she sounded serious they show up pulled her out of the bathroom take her outside for questioning by this point she destroyed thousands worth of personal effects and the damage was evident all over my house including a shattered window where she threw a skateboard wheel at my head i'm covered in scratches cuts and bruises the only mark she had on her is from where she ran into the corner of a wall at full force trying to get to me police arrested me in my house i didn't engage in any of the violence and destruction of property i didn't even raise my voice at her spent christmas in a jail cell after the ensuing court fiasco i didn't and couldn't see her again she came and got her stuff out of my house while i was at work a few days later don't let it get to that point like i did once the violence starts it never ends peacefully [Music] i was in a seriously bad relationship with a woman who was incredibly jealous of every past relationship i was in she owned her own home so after dating for a bit of time before the crazy was let out i moved in with her and took up a portion of the mortgage and bills she made significantly more money than i did but i felt as though i carried my weight quite a bit fights would begin because she would find a post in facebook from years ago of me proclaiming love for another girl she was a marathon arguer and would pour water on me if i were falling asleep after eight hours of arguing i was trapped because she would demand i paid rent and bills so i had little money left but would then kick me out i've made dinners for her and her son only for her in a fit of rage throw all the food in the trash before anyone ate any of it after kicking me out she would be in the street screaming at me to come back inside once i made a plan to escape and pawned my very expensive bicycle for 400 and made my way to a friend's place with my possessions thanks to an older version of facebook messenger when i told her to go away she was able to see from where the message was sent she drove to that map location and drove around until she saw me in the window and walked in and started yelling at me in a stranger's house my friend was a stranger to her when i told her i was never coming back she threatened to jump into oncoming traffic while her 10-year-old son sat in the car playing minecraft it gets worse for me though for my 30th birthday she bought us tickets to hawaii i went because i was stoked that she made such an effort to get us back on good terms afterwards she started being a major [ __ ] waffle again so i took my tax return got my own place and ended it for good she tried the i'm pregnant hand even though it had been months since our last hook up that fell through because while you can't fake a pregnancy then she sued me for eight thousand dollars for not paying rent and because i somehow owed her for the hawaii trip mediation fell through because i told her to eat my butt because i'm not giving her one iota of anything judge awarded her 2 300 because the trip seemed like a favor that could reasonably be asked to be paid back i didn't fight it i just told her that she'll have to get the money out of my estate or pry it from my cold dead fingers i love the look on her face when we eventually made it to court and i was able to bring my new girlfriend with me i married that girlfriend and we have a happy family with our 11 month old daughter i still think of that witch and wish she would have a tragic accident she nearly ruined my life p.s to all men in a relationship that brings you to the brink and self-harm starts creeping in just know that male abuse support is on the rise no man should have to feel the way i felt i didn't seek the help that exists but looking back i wish i had you're not alone in your abuse abusive women are as monstrous as abusive men get out somehow some way thanks for listening to radio tts hit the subscribe button and activate the notification bell for more videos about crazy people click the right box for the related playlist let us know in the comments what you think about these stories

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Keywords: reddit, reddit stories, best of reddit, askreddit, reddit story, ask reddit, reddit cringe, askreddit funny, reddit funny, r/askreddit, top posts, reddit best, r/, reddit top posts, askreddit top posts, reddit top post, radio tts toxic wife, radio tts toxic girlfriend, reddit toxic relationship, escaping toxic relationship, crazy girlfriend askreddit, crazy ex, psycho girl, a psycho girl, psycho ex, crazy ex girlfriend stories, crazy girlfriend, askreddit crazy ex

Id: X6VnNhrsuew

Length: 27min 18sec (1638 seconds)

Published: Sun Aug 30 2020