Parents, What Is The Best Lie Your Kid Has Told you? (r/AskReddit)

parents of Reddit what was the best lie that your child has told you that you knew was a lie it wanted to see how big of a hole they would put themselves in my son took fake Halloween Bloods a school soaked his phorid in it and clutching a cloth staggered into a whole school assembly the teachers panicked and rushed into the on-site nurse obviously when she cleaned it away there was no injury so he feigned surprise and said he must have fallen face-first into some soft fruit on the road outside a teacher walked him up and down looking for a forementioned fruit and when they couldn't find it he said the dog must have eating that and then pretended to have lost his memory he still insists it was true he was 12 at the time must have been one boring assembly to go to those lengths to avoid it my dad skipped school and went down to the brick wall at the Harbor as he was riding he lost control in the bike and him fell into the water some old guy fished his bike out and gave it back to him next morning his dad asked him how school went yesterday my dad said great are you sure his dad responded yet my dad said school was good then his dad asked him to check out the front page of the local newspaper top of the page was a picture of him receiving his freshly fished bike from the old guy at the harbor ha ha ha something similar happened to a co-worker of mine one day his car suddenly didn't work so he couldn't come into work that day and relatedly Lady Gaga was making a surprise visit to town oddly enough the next day there was a picture of him in the paper at the front of the crowd around lady gaga I still wonder how he got downtown to see how without a car one day when I was 4 years old my dad was walking down the hallway and saw me standing there slightly surprised to see him I was facing the wall with a mangled tube of my stepmothers bright red lipstick smeared all over my fingers my dad looked to me then to the wall I was standing at the last letter of my name that had been written in you guessed it bright red lipstick my dad looked back at me and said who did this now I was raised in a Roman Catholic family and was taught the very quick and fierce consequences related to lying and I knew Ally was when you said something that you could prove wasn't true I thought then of my step-brother Danny Danny lived in this house and had access to his mother's lipstick yet this would work I looked my dad square in the eye and said maybe Danny did it he laughed so hard and congratulated me on not technically saying a lie while I had to clean it up I wasn't punished further maybe Danny did it became a staple excuse used by everyone in my family for years growing up even after my dad and his wife divorced my family friend did the lipstick all over the mirror thing as a kid it was multiple lipsticks apparently recently the parents had just watched the usual suspects and my friends wondered what the title meant so they explained the concept when he was caught his parents asked what happened and he said I have no idea who did this round up the usual suspects one time my parents left for the weekend to go to San Diego to attend my stepmoms graduation since she was taking online college instead of having a party of anything I invited like five friends over and we set up a huge LAN party in the living room some dude brought two computers for some reason and ordered tons of pizzas and soda went on for like three days and my parents came home later that night and knew immediately I had friends over I know this because they came into my room and asked who was over and I kept denying it then I just digging the hole deeper like so parent who was over this weekend me what are you talking about no one was over parent no one at all me nope no one parent then why did you order seven pizzas me I was hungry parent and you ate them all by yourself me I was very hungry parent you know we have a camera in the living room right me crab they told me they were disappointed in me not that I had invited friends over but that the worst thing I would do as a teenager when given an opportunity was have a land party with five other guy friends they still don't let me live it down five you wrote her name on the bathroom wall but made a few letters backwards she can write her name perfectly her older sibling has dyslexia five you lies until she's blue in the face thinking I will think it's her older sibling who wasn't even in the area when it was written my wife cooked an awful crock-pot meatloaf once it tasted like liver my wife even said she hated it my daughter said she ate all of hers and it was good I know that she fed it to the dog because when he eats something he believes his tasty the lip-licking he does is a dead giveaway moreover conv no lie my coworker told me she got a weird text from her mother so she looked at the previous texts to my co-workers daughter seven years old had sent a text to her mum the girl's grandma saying what are you getting daughter's name for Christmas again ingenious if texting had been around when I was a kid I would have done this for sure that he was on a boogie board in the Atlantic Ocean and punched a great white shark in the face to protect his sister from being eaten when he was six who knows he must have just secured punched some poor random fish or another kid snorkeling can't rule that out either my two-year-old son went through a spitting phase I hated it so every time he spat I would put him in his cot and he would stay there for two minutes so this one time I did that and I stood outside the door I could hear him carrying on spitting so I went back in and asked if that's what he was doing he was saying no I asked what was if then in thought for a minute and said the wind it was the first like he ever told I became aware that my 10 year old stepson wasn't using soap when he showered as a test I put his soap and shampoo under the sink when it was still there after he showered I knew I had him I asked him if he used soap and he said yes so I asked him to show me his soap he couldn't find it I opened up the cabinet and showed it to him he then said that he had put it there my stepson is a terrible liar which I am okay with not a parent I was babysitting a little girl that was eight or nine years old she had just gotten a pet hamster and her parents told her before they left that under no circumstances was she to let the hamster out of its cage once the parents were safely out of the house she went to get herself a drink she came back to the room I was sitting in without a drink and told me that the hamster had escaped okay I go into the room and indeed the hamster is not in the cage he had somehow opened the door and conveniently closed it behind him q while he is so clever from the child I start looking for the hamster little girl is so shocked I just don't know how he got out mm HM mm I'm searching the kitchen when I see the lid of the butter dish wobbling up and down it must be a ghost yeah sure a hamster stealing ghosts obviously the hamster is in the butter dish the little girl is now really going for it he must have gotten out of the cage all by himself shut the door behind him crawled across the kitchen climbed up the counters opened the lid to the butter dish climbed in and put the lid back on freakin premium hamster this kid has got when I was four my dad told me to do something and I said shut up he looked at me and said what did you just say to me I said oh I wasn't talking to you that I was talking to the monster behind you who was saying mean things about you got out of trouble nice dang that's smooth this morning my two year old daughters daycare is in a shopping center with a realtor next door the Realtors window has one of those LED signs that scroll messages about house sales etc she saw it this morning and said that it was a school sign I asked her what it said and she said school is closed tomorrow stay home I once told my parents that I was going over to my friend Pat's house I was definitely not going there I was going to do illegal activities with the undesirables my parents forbade me from seeing little did I know that Pat and his whole family were coming over for dinner that night my mom called me about an hour after I left and asked me if I wanted to talk with Pat who was sitting right next to her I just hung up and immediately started to walk home goddamnit Pat you were supposed to meet me to do drugs five year old used rot to cover her name on car blames three and 2-year old brothers this is right after incident where her name is on wall it corrects me after I say pen on wall to I used pencil and she still didn't know she gave herself away my nine-year-old daughter was really invested in a plot to gain attention my leg hurts stop walking so quick and persisted thus through six aisles of the supermarket finally she got very pissy and shouted after me you don't even care then I pointed out she had swapped limping leg from left to right two hours ago and she had the right silence drop on after that I'm not a parent but when I was in elementary school I had a friend who was a pathological liar usually she lied about stupid stuff having read the most recent Harry Potter book before anyone else owning all the American Girl dolls things like that it was annoying but we just ignored it most of the time one day in third grade she went too far she came into school and told us that her cousins who lived in our town were our pet and murder we didn't know what our pay was so we asked her and she said it meant that the murderer had cattle their skin off we were 99% sure this was a lie as it would have been all over the news if it were true I asked my mom if my friend even had cousins in our town and it turns out she didn't she had cousins in a town in another state that happened to have the same name one of my other friends was on a soccer team with the lying girl at their game later that week she walked up to the girl's father and said I'm so sorry about Liars cousins when he asked what she was talking about she went on I heard they were our parent murdered naturally our lying friend got a talk with her parents after that she later admitted to us that it wasn't true one of the only times she ever confessed to a lie when my daughter was grounded from her computer she used my password to log in I asked her how and she said she just guessed my password it was a strong password so I knew this wasn't true I eventually found out that several weeks before she had found a text file I left on her brother's computer with passwords I used for setting it up she copied every username and password onto a piece of paper and saved it she was 9 I hope you've learned better password security my brother was being potty trained and had an accident pooped his pants my dad asked did you poop your pants Jake Jake no dad who pooped your pants than Jake sis my dad then grounded me for pooping my brother's pants finally the guilt got to him and he admitted it my six-year-old insists she can speak cat and the cat asked her to dress it up and carry it around like a baby apparently she can speak dog - and the dog asks for broccoli cause it's his favorite food I speak neither cat nor dog but am pretty sure she's lying about them telling her these things I used to mow lawns in my childhood high school all my friends were at swimming pools screwing around playing video games etc I finally got fed up with it so I started farming out my work I'd get $50 for a yard but I'd pay another kid $20 to do it since we were kids my friends all wanted a slice of the pie after a while I had about 60% of the yards being done by other people and I'd only have to do one big one and run the trimmer but got busted when one of my friends broke the lawnmower he bent the Frick out of the blade on a tree root he brought back the lawnmower and I put it away my dad was cleaning out the bottom of the deccan found it asked me how the mower was running I replied like it's op honestly I'm not really sure I really find anything wrong with what you did unless it was your parents paying you or something everyone who worked got paid but nobody got full payment seems like this to me when I was like three or four I used to staple a piece of tape then tape it to my arm or something and color all around the staple and my arm with red crayola marker and run to my parents crying that I was badly bleeding and needed help all so that I wouldn't have to go to bed right away I never got away with that one points for creativity though last week my daughter told me that our teacher thought they had too many weekly tests which is true every good light contains some truth so her teacher canceled school on Monday but just for her class even though I knew she was full of it she did not smirk or smile at all so I walked toward my cellphone and told her I'd verify that with her teacher surprise surprise a full confession that she had school on Monday after all and she would have got away with it too if it weren't for you meddling parents not a parent but me when I was around ten I was not allowed to play games with an M rating well one summer my whole family took a trip to visit my cousins a few states away now I love this because I would always play the forbidden fruits of my gaming career sir me and my cousin are playing halo reaches Forge when my dad walks right in in hindsight we were only racing on those small warthog I think they were called Mongoose and he probably thought we were racing so I immediately run grab the game case and sit in it my dad asks what I'm sitting on and my brain comes up with the best thing to keep me from getting in trouble a PD VD oh okay well as long as it's not an M rated video game my film says brother is the kind of uncle that ruthlessly tickles the kids in the family shortly after we got engaged one of the younger kids comes up to me and says you know if you tickle me my parents will see you my laugh and respond I don't know if that's true buddy he starts that fervent nodding younger kids to him says yeah ha you aren't my uncle yet so they will after thinking about it for a second he adds and if they don't I will if I were the kid I'd sue for negligent infliction of emotional distress and battery when I was 16 my mother walked into my room at 3 a.m. to ask what all the noise was after drinking half a bottle of vodka I was vomiting out the window at the time mom what's going on in here me I ate bad McDonald's a while later I came up and she laughed at me and said I obviously regretted what I had done so she let me be I used to do the same thing but always blamed it on Chipotle which in hindsight wasn't a great idea because my parents wouldn't get me Chipotle ever I would have to eat Chipotle in secret flash-forward to my 21st birthday before I left with my friends to hit the town my mom said with the biggest crappy tin grin now don't eat too much Chipotle tonight should have realized she always knew was a nanny for toddler twins and their older siblings one weekend I got there and there was Sharpie all over the wall of the front hall I asked their mom which are them did it she told me who they blamed one their older sister who was at her dad's for the week to their older brother who had been at his dad's for the past two days three my dad for my youngest sister five my mom who was in late-stage Alzheimer's at that point six a couple people they knew from the bar their mom worked at seven their older sister who had only been to their house once ate their sister's dog nine me I'm surprised by how close to the end I was considering I was at their house more often than anyone but the mum and the first two older siblings 10 her of course they've got nothing on my one big lie I once forged a note from God my kid was late once and I asked where he had been and he told me he was getting his Hedgehog blessed my brother made up an evil twin who only did bad things and then would frame my brother for doing them my parents let this evil twin switcheroo go on for months mostly because every time it happened they started laughing too hard to punish him until finally one day my dad managed to keep a straight face long enough to tell my brother that since the evil twin wasn't here my brother was going to be punished in his stead and so the twin needed to go away I also remember getting mad at my mom when I was three or four and telling her that she wasn't my real mom and that she'd stolen me from my real family because she was an evil witch and my real parents were looking for me honestly still kind of holding out hope that this one is true I've been told by my sister and the people she talked to cause she has a big mouth that my dad wasn't my real dad I was devastated I wasn't they care it wasn't until I was in second grade that I found it was true and that my mom wasn't my real mom - it was a hard time for me : hello free--and oh you have been visited by the cozy Papa's of lazy Sundays upvote now you may never have a good relax ever again if you are new to the channel you can subscribe I publish new videos every day until then check another video or don't either way have a great day you magnificent people [Music]

Channel: On Tap Studios

Views: 11,808

Rating: 4.847909 out of 5

Keywords: #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, sub, reddit cringe, memes, comment awards, dankify, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, chill, story, stories, reddit on tap, parents of reddit, parenting, reddit parenting, parents, best lie ever, children of reddit, best lie a child told

Id: LGyBS4tTOcc

Length: 18min 6sec (1086 seconds)

Published: Sat Nov 23 2019