OnlyUseMeBlade's Prison Story

wait have you ever served time yeah what for uh I was I was that'll get together and the people that I went with didn't tell me but they decided to [ __ ] rob the house cuz they were drug dealers and they had like a pound of weed and a bunch of cash and so fight broke out both artists pull guns out and I was like I guess we got a good [ __ ] guy Oh so we [ __ ] got my car left and a couple days later the [ __ ] SWAT team came my house and arrested me arrested everyone I was with so what did they get you oh it was a DWI or something else some of the Damned know is it's it's called accomplice liability so in the state of Washington like let's say let's say you and I robbing a bank right okay and then and then you decide to shoot a bank teller right not only will you get murdered because I'm your accomplice I get murdered even if I had no knowledge you so like me being with them and just just taking them home and and like like they treat me like I was like the get away driver and so I got the same charges as everyone else so my charger that I finally plead to were robbery in the first burglary in the first button mounted into one charge so it's only one strike and they gave me 41 month wait they deserve 40 41 41 oh wow that's more than I did how my 27 damn 27 months what kind of facility were you at at first it was jail for the first nine months file find the key and and then after that I got sent to where they do the selection process of where you're supposed to go it was really [ __ ] up because what they go they go by points to see what custody level you're at and and I lost point is because of my age lost points because of the violent crime and because I had to buy crimes they treated the the burglary as as a previous fine those three things put me in maximum security is so that is bad security the word it sounds the worst but on TV they make it sound like you're more isolated from the other people and it's even safer maximum security basically means the least amount of movement that's the best way describe where a minimum it's literally like a farm or people just walk around and everything it really that's exactly what it is that's where I went it's like a big farm and like I honestly they'll have a fence that a dog could jump over and you think like oh wow oh but the thing is though is like everyone that's in there is under five years and like a minimum threat you know and so like if someone were to escape they're an idiot because they're getting another five so at stake charges right yes state charges why my my treasures were federal so I had to go to this federal low security in Alabama which was yeah kind of what you're describing it was it was pretty bow it wasn't that bad that was the minimum okay please continue okay so I get sent to I get sent to Monroe and it was it was super duper night so they actually fill the butterfly effects there I don't know if you guys remember but when they were filming the prison scenes they actually filmed it in the prison with Ozzie inmates anyways I got into some trouble when I was in Monroe because I was I learned how to play Pinochle and I love pinochle and I was wearing store which basically means if you are out of like ramen or hygiene or whatever you can come to me and I might I might give you you let two ramens and then you give me three back on store so I was just stacking health food and hygiene and stuff that I never bought so when they search the smell they're like your book says that you've never bought anything yet you have like I'm you have like a hundred dollars worth the [ __ ] food here dude like what's the food and then they found and they found a notebook that had all the bets of all the [ __ ] people because I used to keep ice to keep tabs of who owes who on the people so they thought I was ringing like a [ __ ] game from racketeering thing you want in so they knew what I was doing so then they sent me over to Walla Walla and now Walla Walla is like super hardcore for man sells majority people are in there for murder lifers like they and it's very very racists you can't be in a cell with like oh I could be in a Cell a black dude and the way they do it is they go okay we have no Thanos we got Italians we got [ __ ] and Muslims black dudes and they alternate them through the cells so that no no to like groups could be like next to each other just like free we're gonna like convene and mob up or something concentration of power exactly so I talked to the lady like the consultation let you or whatever she's like all right look you file oh if you behave yourself for six months I'll send you wherever you want to go do you want to go to McNeil Island and so uncle you can go to any medium-security place that you want to go and I'm like alright I want to go back to Monroe because Monroe had had the maximum medium and minimum and the lady looked at me crazy and I'm why she's like are you sure you want to go to Monroe and I'm like yeah it looks [ __ ] amazing there's like grass there's recording studios and the [ __ ] gyms like it's a it's like the night this place it's considered the night prison in the state of Washington she's like why she had no weird so then I go back to the cell and all my [ __ ] cell mates were like [ __ ] like like one of them was this six foot five 380 bodybuilder dude and with the [ __ ] tattoo that said thirteen and a half on his neck which means yeah like 12 jurors one judge in half and like you hear those words 12 jurors one judge and half a chance okay okay and so I get back himself and I'm like oh happy it's like I'm like going to Twin River and they said and they're like let me see your paperwork again so Dyke [ __ ] pull my paperwork they read it they're like waterful [ __ ] would you want to go to Twin Rivers I'm like it's near my family they could visit it and it's like the nicest and they're like you know what winner is is I'm like no they go it's the sex offender treatment program and I'm like what and then go yeah it's 80% sex offender and they have to have 20% rating their inmates to keep state and I'm like are you [ __ ] serious because normally sex offender is don't walk around like we find out you're a sex offender dude you've got to be done about you don't I mean they don't they don't play around Sanders where do you got to be what gone you got to be gone like you need to be not here anymore like PC up up and get the [ __ ] out of here we don't want we don't want to share meals with people that are like kids [ __ ] so you don't have to mean they they don't like sex offenders in in jails so I'm just like okay well let's see what happens dude I get there it's an amazing but like it's literally like that movie they live he has the glasses and he sees everyone is like you know cuz like yeah everyone there was a [ __ ] weirdo and there was like he had to like find like a couple cool dudes that weren't sex a bit just a fun group so how long were you in the sex offender paradise I was there for seven months so long to spend there oh listen to this so Monroe's on a hill right and for whatever reason they decided to put the maximum minimum maximum medium and minimum on the hill and then they decided to put the high school middle school elementary school on the same [ __ ] and so from the bleachers gear from the bleachers these sex offenders would be at yard watching kids play a recess and I'm just like someone needs to know about this like what the [ __ ] and so I asked my buddy I asked my buddy I'm like do you know about this is like yeah of course everyone knows about them like why doesn't anybody like call the news or like we've tried they don't report I no one says [ __ ] and I'm like you took me you're telling me what no I the sex offender paradise look if you could just overlook the whole sex offender thing seems like the best prisoner jail I've heard about so far right it's a mate it's a man right all the people aren't like they might be violent in a way but not towards me right they it seems like that like I would be safe there I would be not bothered there you'd fit right in I know what you're saying ready right I'm a bit of a let that Steve Buscemi meme with the skateboard hello fellow rapist like if you can overlook what dreadful people they are then yeah it's a say I was as far as like prison violence goes uh it only happens if [ __ ] will want it to happen okay like it's not like people are like oh you put my shoulder let's throw down you don't mean so like all this [ __ ] in movies where they think shits just pop it off left and right it's not it's like I wonder which of the worst the worst place and that's where everyone I actually like that better okay let's say let's say your buddy that lives downtown owes you 20 bucks right all you to do is just avoid running in in there we're not we can't avoid each other so everyone has to keep their [ __ ] water so everyone's [ __ ] good honest it's amazing like most stand-up people ever dude I actually like those people better than like people out here who think they can get away yeah I met some really decent good people when I was in prison like legitimately like now there was some scary [ __ ] but like even snow like despite the fact that snow had murdered people and trafficked huge amounts of methamphetamine and was an American drug gang like he was like he was a stand-up guy like like he his word meant something like you would not catch snow telling you a lie he'll murder but he won't [ __ ] lie and he won't [ __ ] steal like he won't do anything he won't do it it's a billion you know I mean like if he does do something snow like in the game you know yeah that's that's how a lot of them saw that and and so that was interesting that this the worst part about your experience to me is the nine months in jail though that had to be [ __ ] right yeah okay at first I felt like when I got out right I honestly used to tell people I was like the nine months in jail stressing about my [ __ ] cake was worse than the rest of the time where I'm pretty much on vacation yeah okay uh when you do time it doesn't really because you don't don't have a job they feed you you're never gonna go cold you it's a vacation in a way you just can't read the premise the people that are affected are you your family that miss you whatever reason you know um what the [ __ ] was just about how bad jail was in comparison Oh jail was horrible dude jail jail suck like I feel like jails meant for like a week not for nine months yeah everybody exactly you can get mine everyone oh my dude all right this is the list that my original filing charges robbery in the first with a firearm burglary in the first the firearm kidnapping in the first with a firearm assault in the first of the firearm and then like firearm possession weird the kids like to come from because he wouldn't let them leave the premises yeah kid one of the people basically said don't don't move you know I mean or like that's how they got OJ yeah okay now about meeting interesting people in their uh that the most interesting person ever his name was Steve Drexler okay now when I I'm at this sex offender paradise point we you had your own cell which is amazing and but you also had a bunk bed I usually just kept stuff up there like you know just stuff up there but every once in a while the they'll transport somebody that will stay there overnight and then get released in the morning you know like they might be over all the way in Eastern Washington but need to be released in western Washington so they'll bring them over have them stay one night above my dog and leave so I'm sitting and then I'm talking to him and and at first thing we wanna talk and I was like I'm like I'm off with him cigarettes I'm offering him [ __ ] food he was all stand up and then I realized I was like hey dude I'm Oh sex defendant bro I mean you're [ __ ] home invasion robbery and then I showed my papal user like oh okay cool I just thought everyone here was a [ __ ] rapist and so when you're in a cell with a dude with nothing else you're gonna have [ __ ] cops shooting back and forth so finally I ended up telling him what I was in there for the whole story and so funny yeah I asked I was like so man what's your what's your story dude like what what brought you here what brought you to and first you wouldn't do and I kept egging him on and he finally told me it probably my favorite story of all time alright so this dude ran the boney I'm an ex okay in downtown Seattle now this is an actual wood Stadium I'm max Lita this isn't some AMC [ __ ] okay this is like a stadium massive huge IMAX right well this dude also had a little bit of a math problem and so he would he would work during the day smoke all night and then come to work and work during the day and do this a week and a half and then finally crash well then this dude figured out he stole laughs and was able to plug it into the projector and watch what everyone to watch on IMATS thing so this dude decided to start watching porn [Laughter] sorry watch the porn in the IMAX dunno I don't know how amazing that must be because I'm a big fan and porn on a phone versus porn on a 60 B 5 is mine though if you watch porn on a [ __ ] IMAX screen I'm down right so this dude this dude literally draped like the longest cable ever from the projector room all the way down to like the middle middle rows of that so you can plug his lap and [ __ ] pull a port on the IMAX dude sounds amazing smoke meth watch porn jerk-off off and then I look man get some linens penciling keep going right he's smoking meth and he's beating off for hours at a time for hours right that he would go get like double them and find a [ __ ] and find like a pro listen I'm not gonna pay but I got free math rocks he would bring prostitutes yeah after hours would fire up a porn without telling the girl she's like whoa smoked meth and [ __ ] and watch porn and he have his [ __ ] ritual where he was just doing this and during the day he was [ __ ] Clark Kent like very presentable like but at night he was the monster well cool guy the reason he didn't go when too hard for too long brought this prostitute over they smoke they [ __ ] and this dude passed the [ __ ] out was not waking up so if the girls like hey wake up wake up where because he's done for his bender is over right and so she tries to leave and the [ __ ] alarm system goes so now the police car come into the [ __ ] theater and there's like a [ __ ] gang bang [ __ ] fever at full [ __ ] thx count sound quality and this prostitute with this guy with a [ __ ] in with a meth pipe or Webber and cord going from the laptop all the way up to the projection room red hand rent and literally red-handed pants around his [ __ ] knees late work lying in a chair and I'm like I would have loved to be the cop to [ __ ] come to that thing that would be amazing so he got [ __ ] arrested he basically had some priors so he got some weird charge that they gave him a year and debt the only reason why they do year in a day is till you don't spend the rest of time in jail if they have to send you to prison so he lands here at his case and then he only had to spend like maybe four did his time he's gigging out the next day and I was yeah your story beats mine dude that is you're my hero like that is yes that is [ __ ] outrageous awesome story you know here's the thing dude back in the day when I used to come come on you guys's show I used to do commentaries I never told anybody about me being in mic because I thought it would be like a bad book you know what I mean like I just didn't I never wanted to bring it up but now that it's been like 10 years of me in the game aim and you know if you google always played it doesn't look good I just said [ __ ] it I'll share what were you what what got you in the hole and how long were you in there like wide the way they put you in there [ __ ] it I'm telling the story um please battery lasts all right okay I love pinochle I was playing pinochle and this guy named Sylvia come for people who don't know real quick can you explain pinochle just peanut peanut was the greatest card game ever made it only consists of face card so there's no number and there's multiple Jack adopters for Jack of Diamonds for Queen of Spades and so there's 80 cards in deck you deal mal and you play just like the games of Spain where you leave suit and try to take books there's a lot more to it than that but that's all I can really explain it to give you it's simple gist of it I love the I play it on my phone i I've almost made it to old folks homes where they were playing it because I want like those lonely people to play it prick and [ __ ] old people like it also they wouldn't let me it was the most awkward conversation because I was so really here to visit I'm like no one I was just seeing if anybody if there's any action at the B knuckle to retirement community I'm like can I go in there and visit the old people they're like nope we you can't you know you don't let just like nice people come in and say hi the old folks they love that they're like no you smell so strong can't come in with you so I love pinochle and this dude knew this new bait comes in and wants to play and I could tell he's a generate gambler and you don't get your money on books the first week you're there so I know I'm gonna have to wait a week that's six so we play a couple games like you're only playing like a dollar game all right I played a couple games and I realize he's getting frustrated so I [ __ ] and tell my partner I was like hey dude throw this game like don't don't try to win at all I'll [ __ ] up just go with it so we play the game aim key I gave him so many opportunities to win he [ __ ] up but eventually I literally remit and set myself and like gate and gave him gave him the [ __ ] the next thing he walked zip static he was like hah no I could beat you you [ __ ] all right all right dude calm the [ __ ] down you want to play again like I was kind of mad because I was like I let you win dude like if you only knew that I like you win that string you along but you're calm I keep thinking you [ __ ] won the World Series here didn't like stop so over the course of a week I got him to where he owed me like 50 bucks oh I let him start playing $10 hands or $10 gangs which is unheard of just to give him a chance to win back I let him win one here and then keep on he owed me 300 bucks Wow Rehan so the way when you get someone on in that kind of debt in there you can only order $50 worth of store at a time so I go alright dude I'm gonna get like $35 always worth the stuff for me you can get a little bit of food and some hygiene don't want you picking up the tear and then just do that free time so Oh 35 what was that that would be like a high yeah what anyway go ahead okay I know it's a honey 500 yeah anyways um that's a joke I make every week the whole incalculable thing don't take it personally okay and so the day that I'm supposed to get stor I'm like hey guys I go amen we're gonna go to Maine Maya and which is like where you go to your food I'm gonna go to Maine mine when I get back I just have my stuff ready in a bag I'll walk by you're selling gustas disease yeah whatever did and I'm just like okay that's not the response I want but okay go to main line come up to a selmak alright here let me get that let me get that and he's like [ __ ] you [ __ ] and which is facing like the n-word for Italian people in this would happen on the streets ought to be like whatever dude but this is prison where if you let someone talk to you like that and don't do anything everyone's gonna think you're a [ __ ] it's prison mentality so I went in there and I started piecing them in just started just beating on room with just empty fists just yet okay you know well this is the thing to me like stabbing but the tears like yelling and screaming and the [ __ ] riot shield guards come in pin us and take us to the hole okay did you ever now know because that's when they transferred me to wall walk now one thing I will say and this will give you a time frame when they took me to Shelton I was in the hole for 36 days okay when they took me to shelter it was the first time I listen to music and they play I like the way you move by Outkast and Jamie Foxx and Twista like slow jam those are like popular on the radio at the time and I never heard the songs but listening to music for the first time after [ __ ] 33 days dude I got goosebumps dude oh this is amazing hmm so what I've been watching that show 30-day 60 days in and season six and quickly for anyone who doesn't know for some reason they put undercover people in a jail a hardcore jail to try to root out drugs contraband and see how well the CIO's do their job well anyway one of the participants someone who is undercover loans this guy three packets of grits because the man is hungry and he says you owe me three soups and the guy's like cool I'll get you tomorrow tomorrow comes around my girl is messing with my money she won't put any money on my books I can't get you your suits he's like you're gonna pay me he's like I'll pay you I'll pay you next day comes I don't got nothing man I got nothing I was like all right all right take off your shirt your pants your flip-flops and give me a [ __ ] towel yeah give me a [ __ ] towel and and he takes all of these things from them he is the undercover and he has taken all of this man's clothing and his towel which is a commodity in prison by the way your towel is we had three towels and you could pay money to get a special towel but this seemed like his only [ __ ] towel in jail he then takes this man's flip-flops pants shirt and towel and gives it away to his buddies and they're all laughing about it the guy went into PC yeah it would protective custody after that I have to slide this in okay so in Washington you can get a care you can get a care package up to 15 pounds okay you can get oh boy a burro meat you can get books Senen or you can have your family sending but only once like basically four times a year some dude had a beef with some other dude and had his girls send him one pair of socks in his packet and that was the only package you can get for free or just a pair of socks [ __ ] him over so meanwhile meanwhile it's a family put together a fun care package and he's all the fun like why did you deny the care package he's like I would have never denied that it's this [ __ ] ass Oh sending me a purse yeah I finally now realizing it that's [ __ ] yeah that's super [ __ ] up it we could get whatever we want at any time we wanted like sent in I mean they would go through it they read your letter or they they scan it some drug dog on and all that but but I had people send me books so like cheers sent me a bunch of books kitty sent me a bunch of books and I read I read like voraciously I went it through Stephen King's got I'm not gonna say I went through half the Stephen King catalog because that would do with the the four novelist story thing them different seasons the what now we're know very different it's called different season mm-hmm where it's for short it's for not short stories with novellas we see now long enough for a book short enough to be a short story I I read the myths the Shawshank Redemption apt pupil and stand by me all me movies from that one okay okay no I read 11/22/63 the missed it a good bit of the stand I was I was working on it when I got released and I didn't go back to it I what it was crazy long look it and there were some others I'm not the oh I read a little gunslinger difficut pisses Stephen King when he spends 30 pages describing enough dudes all yeah come on dude let's keep the kiss oh my in 11/22/63 he was describing some guy who had diarrhea and it was like 40 minutes of guy I listen to an audiobook so it must have been like 40 minutes spent on how his stomach was upset to me because I was you know literally trying to kill time sitting on my Center my [ __ ] bunk in prison take your time we got nothing but yeah you know so so like I didn't mind I just I just try to do you know I try to let my mind paint the picture that that he's describing and it becomes a little bit more visceral for me so I didn't money if I would listen to an audiobook I could definitely understand that especially you because you're like you're listening to it while you do stuff and you're like hopalong kind of story and he don't get that too much it's a little easier to follow when things are happening you know I like it you thought you could we're still on the diarrhea for real yeah yeah yeah he had to buy incontinence pants but so gifts are big diapers and there was this long story about how the guy behind the cash register reacted to the incontinence pants and I had no problem without that send me a link to those [Laughter]

Channel: PKA Highlights

Views: 56,043

Rating: 4.8028402 out of 5

Keywords: PKA, painkiller already, pka podcast, pka prison, pka kyle prison, kyle's prison stories, FPSRussia prison stories, pka clips, pka highlights

Id: jSjDMhPUn24

Length: 31min 34sec (1894 seconds)

Published: Sat May 09 2020