Norm Macdonald and Rodney Dangerfield Wife Jokes

[Music] would you ever consider changing your style oh yes yes yes I considered for a while that because you know I loved Rodney when he'd go on The Tonight Show and just destroy ya for eight minutes then going to couch destroy for another five minutes yeah and then at the end how's your week Johnny you know after like just yeah non-stop knockout punches crap what a crowd you guys are great I'll tell you that I've been on a lot of shows but there's no better crowd than just right here Pro you came out here you lit this crowd out I'm just telling the truth your truth teller [Music] I got a wife I just got a wife I just got married because I thought go through that charade keep appearances up oh yeah that's the thing you tell ya this were a man mm right if this were a memoir I would tell about my wife what a battle-axe battle-ax I mean no one's called their wife a battle-axe since nineteen for s five Presley come how do you feel about a woman she's supposed to be my life partner I look in the mirror the other day and I says to her I says honey I look in the mirror and all I see is a fat ugly old man and I need you to give me a compliment she says all right then your eyesight is damn near perfect I said you dirty dog we have fights constantly oh you do do you know and sometimes it bleeds over like we were driving a car we went past a bunch of animals there was a pig a cow I know I admit this is a little crew you're kind of mad at her at the times matter so I say he said pig cow you know horse remind you of any relatives she says yeah my in-laws I said you dirty dog Wow dirty dog again Wow not until I met my wife I always felt incomplete now I'm finished I will say 1935 radio show wanna take a break for Chester sealed figured out three years ago and I'm not lonely too much now anymore and I got a good woman that's it I got a woman who loves me for my money and my fame and not for what I am now I'll tell you before I got married for years I was just playing the field I'll be more accurate I was playing with myself in a few know my wife so the easiest person get along with you know that yeah oh my wife you kiddies I can tell your stories of my wife sometime yeah or else we'll have a few drinks sometime I'll stop talking anything when I drink I talk you know and you know it's a cold person gently calm shy huh side of the water but it's frozen I'll tell you I can't relax you know the other night I was in a place I felt like having a few drinks I'm know that a bartender I said surprise me he showed me a naked picture my wife pay the truth and my wife would I we never have sex now we can undress we can't stop laughing yes when I'll tell you what my wife does have sex she screamed Oh especially when I walk in on him I got no sex life ten years ago my wife put me on hold I mean the last one made love to my wife it was ridiculous nothing was happening I looked right so what's the matter can't you think of anyone either now you can I know my wife cheats on me every time I come home the parrot says quick out the window you know my sex life is nothing my wife cut me out too once a month coming out at once a month oh I'm lucky two guys I know she cut out completely I'll tell you one thing no what I have sex with my wife is like magic soon as I get in bed she disappears oh the other night she made me the front door wearing a see-through negligee the only trouble is she was coming home and smoking that's another one try to stop smoking that's a beauty huh well with cigarettes my wife and I we made a deal my wife and I we only smoke after sex I've got the same pack now since 1975 what bothers me is my wife she's up to three packs a day

Channel: I'm not Norm

Views: 1,164,444

Rating: 4.811276 out of 5

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Id: R9Yasi99n-o

Length: 5min 12sec (312 seconds)

Published: Sun Jun 16 2019

Reddit Comments

[u/Jian_Baijiu]

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