Norm Macdonald Constant Shitting on OJ Simpson Part 2

thanks I'm nor McDonald then now the fake news well it is finally official murder is legal in the state of California two hours after the verdict la police had their first solid lead in the hunt for the real killers a new witness has come forward who saw three men fleeing the crime scene the night of the murders police have released this sketch and would like to hear from anyone who's seen these three individuals on Tuesday at 1:15 the moment the Simpson verdict was delivered Court TV scored its highest ratings ever an hour later the channel went out of business well that covers the main developments in the OJ Simpson case this week and after all other important things are going on in the world now more OJ Simpson when Simpson trial juror Gina rod bro returned home this week our little girls were delighted to have her back and no wonder she lets him get away with murder our top story tonight following is shocking acquittal two weeks ago Oh Jay Simpson vowed never to rest until the real killers of Nicole Brown Simpson are brought to justice and the manhunt continues after initially vowing never to rest until his wife's killers are brought to justice Oh Jay Simpson this week changed his pledge slightly he now vows to have sex with hot looking models meanwhile this week Oh Jay took girlfriend Paula Barbieri to see the erotic murder mystery Jade other moviegoers took the couple's presidents in stride though they did become uncomfortable when OJ repeatedly shouted at shouted out you call that a stabbing [Applause] Simpson had been discussing marriage with girlfriend Paula Barbieri but reportedly she has called the wedding off her fear was that if they married she would be brutally murdered and then and then someone would try to pin it on OJ the LA District Attorney's Office is given Marcia Clark and Christopher Garden christopher darden bonuses of over $10,000 for quote lengthy hard time duty unquote in the OJ Simpson case a spokesman for the DA said that the prosecutors bonuses would have been even higher except for the fact that they let a killer go free according to a report out this week Oh J Simpson is still extremely angry that Robert Shapiro began writing a book while he was defending the football legend however Simpson is extremely pleased that he got away with killing his wife and that waiter a down-and-out OJ Simpson does press that all of his money-making ideas have failed has decided to go back to doing what he does best killing people in a surprise move OJ Simpson is offered to give an interview to CNN with quote absolutely no ground rules but interviewers Greta Van Susteren and Roger Cossack have asked for one don't kill us in sworn testimony this week Paula Barbieri admitted that she had broken up with OJ Simpson the very night Nicole Brown Simpson was killed boy that had to be a tough day for Jan burst he gets dumped by his girlfriend then Columbian hitmen kill his wife in an effort to raise money for his enormous legal bills Oh Jay Simpson this week began marketing a video which attempts to prove his innocence should the tape not sell Simpson has a backup idea his very own video of the actual murders themselves this week on NBC's Dateline three members of the Simpson jury explained they're not guilty votes and argued that if Simpson had killed his wife there should have been blood stains all over his gait front door and light switches also this week Simpson friend al cowlings released his video how to get blood stains up gates front doors and in his civil court deposition this week Oh Jay Simpson denied under oath that he ever punched kicked or slapped his ex-wife Nicole oh great as if oj isn't busy enough tracking down the real killers now he's got to track down the real wife beater too and in Brentwood OJ himself was spotted manning a lemonade stand with his daughter Sydney asked by reporters why sales were so poor Oh Jay reply beats me and anyway back to cutting lemons with a giant knife a new development the OJ Simpson civil trial this week according to sworn testimony Nicole Brown Simpson had told her therapist that she was afraid of getting beaten by OJ Simpson asked why he didn't report this earlier the therapist said I was afraid of getting beaten by OJ Simpson I said getting beaten and I may have heard a little according to a Senate committee on violence Denise Brown has done more to bring attention to the cause of battered women than any other person well almost any other once again Oh Jay gets the short shrift in Los Angeles this week Lyle and Erik Menendez were found guilty of first-degree murder so to review California law it is killing your wife legal killing your parents illegal a shocking new development the OJ Simpson case late this afternoon a high-ranking official in the Los Angeles Police Department admitted to Geraldo Rivera that the police did conspire to frame OJ Simpson for the murders of Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman however they called the conspiracy off when they got to the murder scene and found that OJ really did do it [Applause] while in England where he spoke at Oxford University Simpson had defended actor Marlon Brando's criticism of Hollywood Jews later from his island hideaway Brando sent OJ a telegram which read you're not helping [Laughter] arriving back in the US after his week in London Oh Jay Simpson was asked by a reporter why he hadn't spent mother's day with his children a visibly annoyed Simpson replied idiot I didn't spend Mother's Day with my kids because I killed their mother what Graham or OJ Simpson news on Friday the juice officially endorsed Bill Clinton for president adding adding quote I'd like to help him any way I can to which the president replied well there is one thing in Los Angeles this week the defense suffered a setback in the second Oh Jay trial when Simpson was ordered to turn over a secret videotape which lawyers say contains proof of his guilt what's on the tape the first OJ trial finally this week lawyers in the new OJ Simpson trial actually found a prospective juror who claims to know nothing about OJ Simpson the murders or the first trial and who told the court quote I don't even know when it started or ended unfortunately the man had to be disqualified when it was learned that he had been a juror in the first ok trial during a recent interview on 20/20 long time OJ Simpson friend Robert Kardashian said he now believes Simpson may be guilty though he did add that had he believed OJ was guilty at the time he never would have agreed to hide his bloody clothes and knife at a civil trial in Los Angeles this week Oh Jay Simpson attorneys began their case with an attack on Nicole Brown Simpson's character outraged brown family lawyers responded quote Nicole as a victim no matter what she did she certainly did not cut her own throat - which Simpsons attorneys replied on the contrary that is precisely what we intend to prove at the Simpson civil trial this week Oh Jay and Fred Goldman got into an explosive shouting match mr. Goldman bellowed at OJ don't give me that damn look while OJ shouted back I wasn't even looking at you you're just mad because I killed your son against the Jets last week Buffalo Bills running back Thurman Thomas broke OJ Simpson's career rushing record and the week before he surpassed Simpson and career touchdowns next up for Thomas an attempt to kill three people at once Oh J Simpson was in a different courtroom this week attempting to regain custody of his two children in order to prove to the court how much he loves his kids Oh J pointed out quote hey they're still alive aren't they this week in Los Angeles civil court an FBI expert testified that shoe prints left by the killer exactly match shoes belonging to OJ Simpson in response oh Jake suit up and exclaimed wait a minute wait a doggone minute I just figured it out the real killer is me according to researchers in Australia koala bears have fingerprints so close to those of human beings that they could easily be mistaken by police at the scene of a crime it should be noted however that the research was funded by OJ Simpson so our top story tonight comes from the OJ Simpson civil trial where this week it was revealed that in his first interview with police Simpson had refused to take a lie-detector test his reason it detects lies this week of the OJ Simpson civil trial the focus shifted from the defendant to the alleged character flaws of Nicole Brown Simpson attorney for OJ hammered away at her lifestyle citing sexual promiscuity drug use and the fact that she married a double murderer meanwhile Simpson defense attorney Robert Baker argued that a dark spot in a crime scene photo was a quote mystery shoe print suggesting that there were actually two killers bojay hopes this will support his theory that he did not act alone in dramatic testimony this week at a civil trial OJ Simpson said he didn't commit suicide only because quote my mother told me you don't go to heaven if you kill yourself oddly his mother did say quote it's okay to kill other people [Applause] in a unanimous verdict this week a Santa Monica jury found OJ Simpson liable for the wrongful deaths of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman awarding the plaintiffs damages of eight and a half million dollars reacting to the verdict Simpson insisted that he has nowhere near that amount of money and that his only remaining asset is 30 pairs of Brunei Molly shoes the announcement of the verdict came toward the end of President Clinton's annual State of the Union address and many observers completely overshadowed the event even the president was distracted during his speech waiting to hear exactly how much it costs to kill your wife is our top story tonight this week of the civil trial of OJ Simpson the jury which had earlier found him liable in the death of Ron Goldman and Nicole Brown Simpson this week tacked on an additional 25 million dollars in punitive damages on hearing the new Simpson declared quote this is far from over as to clarify that statement Oh Jay said quote I'm going to kill more people what do you think I meant the first place in weekend updates most romantic Valentine contest goes to David della Farah of carny New Jersey yesterday mr. della Farah who works as a fireman here in the city climb the ladder of a firetruck up to the third floor office window of his girlfriend Alexandra there with a dozen roses and a wedding ring he proposed to her in front of all her coworkers congratulations David and coming in last place for the third year in a row Oh Jay Simpson at a book signing in New York this week Fred Goldman once again offered to forget the millions owed to him by OJ Simpson if he would simply admit to the Brentwood murders a visibly annoyed OJ responded why in the world would I do that when I have no intention of paying you anyway more bad news for oj this week HarperCollins reached an agreement with the brown family to publish his late wife's diary especially troublesome to Simpson is this final entry dear diary I have to run now because oj is here to murder me and also the guy who returned my glasses I think he might murder him too also this week a California newspaper revealed that OJ Simpson was awarded custody of his children mainly because a court-ordered psychological test showed that he is a loving father it should be noted however that the same tests also showed that he was a loving husband according to Jay Simpson ease Terry Baker when OJ's mother Eunice Simpson first heard about the slaying of Nicole Brown she exclaimed he did it reach for comment oj said my mom was just guessing I hadn't even told her yet [Laughter] meanwhile OJ himself may have some explaining to do for months he has denied hiding financial assets including valuable sports mementos from the Braun and Goldman families but earlier today Simpson pal AC cowlings was stopped as he tried to leave the country in the backseat of his Bronco police found OJ's Heisman trophy disguised with a tiny fake beard more bad news for OJ Simpson this week a Los Angeles court ordered him to turn over his Heisman trophy to the Goldman family in addition the same court may order Simpson to surrender a coffee mug inscribed world's greatest husband Laure followed from the recent conviction of british repair Louise Woodward on murder charges this week her attorney Barry Scheck lashed out at the legal system saying quote what kind of six society do we live in where an innocent girl is sent to prison while a double murderer like OJ Simpson goes free kind of in a statement with profound legal implications the FBI announced this week that for the first time its experts can now identify an individual with 100% accuracy through his DNA and really when you think about it the timing could not have been better said former football great OJ Simpson he was good on the gridiron meanwhile OJ Simpson's Brentwood estate officially went on sale this week with an asking price of 3.9 million dollars according to realtors some of the homes highlights include a newly renovated gourmet kitchen and a luxurious math master bathroom with separate sinks for murderer and murder E murderer murder well this week after a Los Angeles restaurant refused to see them Oh Jay Simpson demanded and got five hundred dollars in compensation in addition the restaurant must now offer separate murderer and non murderer section this week Oh oh there's a phone call here here I have a phone ma'am let me see now who would this be hello hey no I'm what's up it's oj oj oj hey what are you been up to I just got back from the movie oh the movie what'd you say beautiful girls I am oh you know Thurman Lauren Holly and Mira Sorvino Rosie O'Donnell Rosie O'Donnell's and beautiful girls no no I was non-plus myself anyway they're Jews hey yeah how's it going with the you know the manhunt there for the they're killers oh no I'm don't ask not good huh that is an understatement I'm no closer to finding the real killers today that I was when I started it's like they've vanished into thin air oh well give it time they're or Ju no it can't be that bad believe me it is that bad sometimes I feel like I might as well shut down the whole investigation oh come on now hey did anything ever come out of that lead you you picked up there about the shadowy figure leaving the crime scene no you're not gonna believe it it turns out that was me Wow so I guess that's a dead end yeah well hey how about that guy that was seen running back to your house by a limo driver Alan Park well guess what that turns out that was me also oh wow what are you gonna do huh nothing you can do sometimes you just have to laugh anyway no well I have you here I was gonna ask you a favor oh yeah sure juice what is it I produced a video dealing with some of the inconsistencies in the evidence and I've been having trouble getting the 800 number out on the airwaves really oh uh okay that would be great it's one eight hundred five five five oh 165 oh okay that's one eight hundred five five five oh one six five right one eight hundred five five five oh one six five okay one eight hundred five five five oh one six five okay oh hey what's the video casserole Jay was it like a hundred bucks oh no it's 29.95 29.95 good lord that's nothing yeah well actually giving it away we're trying to price it so that the average person can afford to buy it well Oh Jay the question is not can the average person afford to buy it the question is can the average person afford not to buy us well we think it's a quality video well how the price is certainly right hey let me ask you a favor Oh Jay can I give out that number one more time sure okay then that's one eight hundred five five five oh one six five right okay no I'm gonna let you go okay just hey take care buddy OJ Simpson everybody okay the juice well in a sworn deposition this week Oh Jay Simpson claimed that he never ever beat choked or hit his ex-wife with a closed or open fist luckily for OJ lawyers forgot to ask if he'd ever cut her head off [Applause]

Channel: I'm not Norm

Views: 1,986,018

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Id: TCSCJtuyfUY

Length: 23min 1sec (1381 seconds)

Published: Tue Jul 17 2018

Reddit Comments

[u/Wetknife]

What a misleading title, I got my lube out for nothing.