Norm Macdonald Collection on Letterman, Part 1 of 5: The Early Years, 1990-95

[Music] [Applause] [Music] let's all take this opportunity to tuck in our ties our next guest has performed at clubs all over Canada and the United States including The Improv in Los Angeles and also catch a rising star and stand up New York pier in Manhattan and now making his Network television debut ladies and gentlemen please welcome Norma Mecca Donald [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] wow thanks good to be here I've been traveling around watching a lot of the TV you know and you seen these new sports and a TV where they'll try to combine two sports together and make up a new sport your lady Gaea we run a 100-yard dash and then fish do I love the TV I was at cat food commercial I said the enemy said all-natural food for your cat all-natural food yeah but cat foods made out of horse meat yeah that's the way it works in nature thee be cat right above the horse in the food chain matter of fact every time my kitty gets a little cooped up in the apartment I let it take him down a racetrack let him stock some prey down there so cute he comes trotting back with a stallion hanging out of his mouth there you know good I love the TV you know anything you know the only I don't like you ever see it when there's a celebrity that you really respected admire and then he shows up in some cheap TV show you know last week I was watching the Hollywood Squares and a secret square JD Salinger well I like games oh that's my favorite thing you know big prizes in everything you ever see the dating game here's Asha that's a weird show they're the prize on that show another contestant talk about cheap I know let's do the same thing in that show they get a beautiful girl match her up with three giant dorks last week they had a guy I was a crazy guy loony bin psycho wing nut do you tell by the way they introduced it ago bachelor number two is a shadowy lurking character whose hobbies include skulking please welcome for no fixed address he's just a guy menacing figure shambles into the studio there you know then they make the girl that's those questions you know laced with sexual innuendo yeah girl go that's your number - if I were a popsicle what would you do to be there to burn a popsicle that's what's in the card here hey guys well if you're a popsicle huh well first of all I guess I'd take your wrapper off if you know what I mean then I grab a hold of your sticks if you know what I mean then I'd press you against the counter do you broken too we're happy in the freezer to later I understand what I'm getting at it's crazy but a lot of violence on TV you know kids aren't supposed to watch violence now on a TV they're afraid maybe the kids will copy what they see on the screen you know I can't even get a funny cartoon anymore because some twelve-year-old watched a particularly violent episode of the roadrunner coyote show and the next day they found him in a bottom of the canyon two giant spring strapped to his feet a couple of Springs Edda little umbrellas hand signs it Yanks but it's violence everywhere you know I was reading a paper this guy didn't believe this a guy killed his family because the devil is all them do you believe that imagine that killing your family and then you go back to wo yes devil I did as you instructed I killed my family and I chopped them up and put them in a duffle bag here they are I'll be burying them tonight at the shallow grave by the side of the railroad track as you have commanded Oh Lord host of the hoary nether world then the devil pulls off the mask it's me bog [Applause] you got me Bob you gotta be there I got my family the duffel bag over here that's my beer there by this [Applause] so I had this dream today you ever have a dream and then you wake up right in the middle of the great dream and then you're back in your stinking life again so then you try to fall asleep redream it man it never works always end up with some weird mutation of your original dream there like in the first name I was in a pool with Christie Brinkley and we were swimming toward each other and then I woke up so I fell asleep again I end up shooting pool with David Brinkley [Applause] [Music] you our next guest made his television debut on our program last year and from tomorrow through Sunday you can see this man working on stage at the Comedy Zone in Charlotte North Carolina ladies and gentlemen areas a very funny man Norm Macdonald nor [Applause] thank you it's good to be here I'm trying to become a better person now here try do that that's I gave that some money to a homeless guy there on the street today and this is kind of odd he had a dog with him here see this homeless guy he's got a dog he didn't have a home you know he's got a dog and you know the dogs thrilled with this deal you know I was going hey pal I can do this by myself pretty well you know like they're the longest walk in the world in a dog you know I'm trying to become better person try not to lie as much as I used to you know I you know I'm never lie for no reason you know usually there's a purpose to your lives but sometimes you know just a big lie spill out of your evil head day yeah you don't even know why I you know like God come out to go hey you ever see that movie with Meryl Streep and the horse then you go yes in the backyard you oughta help my liner but over here I stand to gain nothing by this lie the hell am I thinking back here in my head but I'm doing the best I can they're trying to quit smoke and you know that's a tough thing boy hey I smell here once I was a kid you know I was remember remember once I was a little kid I was about nine years old and I was sneaking a cigarette behind my garage and my dad caught me I'll never forget it he hauled me in by that was in for the strapping of my life you know what it is he pulled out his big cigar must been half the size of my arm his giant cigar stuck in my mouth litora made me smoke it all the way through right to the end and that's why Sarah's talking cigars real heavy plan backfired on him but my doctor he's trying to talk me out of smoke and show me a picture a smoker's lung oh it was gross and disgusting any show me pictures a healthy guys long hello it was gross and disgusting Wow Wow so turns out lungs are gross and disgusting and that's why we put them on the inside not to look at him but I'm under your jacket there so has assumed but I'm trying to get in shape you know work out and stuff like that you know I'm not in good shape I used to be in good shape when I was young you know that's how I look good house in my peak physical condition back when I was one that's a night look good man I can show you pictures of me when I was one you wouldn't know me now you know I got it I even look good for my age people come out to go away you zero I go now I'm one there you go man or like a day pass zero I'm not getting you like zero to me well I'm one but I gotta start working out you know I haven't worked out for a forever I never worked out but I gotta start you know cuz I liked watching guys you know bodybuilding contests I said his bodybuilding competition the other day the mr. world competition you know so the guy wins it he's the best in the world he's mr. world man they say don't miss next month the Mr Universe contest I know about you guys but I'm putting my money on mr. world on this one yeah I figure he's a shoo-in with his home planet advantage but I don't know you see a lot of them sports on a TV no it's not cliff diving there's a weird smart huh guy diving off a cliff you know and tonight's prey there's no way of telling who's a better cliff diver yeah like if you survive it ah you know you're a great cliff diver there's only two categories and cliff diving guys tell me that there's a grand champion and then stuff on a rock [Laughter] experts they make a comeback in I'll tell ya right now hey you guys been great thanks a lot [Applause] [Music] okay norm nice job very funny thank you sir and whatever you do don't touch the microphone yeah my thanks to Neil Patrick Harris as well and of course art Donovan we'll see you folks tomorrow night good night everybody [Applause] [Music] [Applause] you [Music] [Music] you know I've been doing this for about 12 years and that's the first time a guest has slapped me ya know Richard Simmons right how about that wasn't on the show well our next guest this evening mate is network television debut with us on her old show now he is in his first year as a featured performer on Saturday Night Live ladies and gentlemen please welcome the very funny Norm Macdonald Donora [Music] thanks good to be here I feel a little gross today you know I had had someone having fish sticks you ever heard of them and they don't tell you on a package how many you're supposed to eat so I had 40 down kind of grosses up man I had a good holiday there are a lot of Christmas presents you know a lot of good stuff there you know a lot of bad gifts to one guy give me a lottery ticket you're good as again man that stinks and what the hell guys thinking give me that yeah go here you go nothing Merry Christmas nothing yeah Malaysian winds and Sun but let's face you know a guy give you a lottery ticket you know you don't want to win that's the last thing he wants there you know is it a nightmare that'd be you know imagine hey you know you get a call a week after Christmas sir hey there what 7 yeah I remember that take it I give you 14 million bucks huh ha ha ha listen there where'd you get me again I can't remember right I know I got you the 14 million bucks but yeah I can't remember now he has a cup yes I am enjoying it sure I had a coffee out of the dare it's a tea you know novella maybe Superman the world's greatest Fisher man it sat on it did it so I'm a big smiling fish on him listen bill I guess no chance that cup skyrocketing in value in the next couple days huh all right I gotta go now bill I gotta go rip my throat out with a screwdriver that's a very good holiday there man I had a lot of fun you know and watched a lot of TV you know I enjoy watching that I watch beavis on the Butthead you like that show I like Beavis but I especially like the Butthead and Star Search that's my favorite show you know especially the junior dance category that's my favorite yeah an Ed McMahon always introduces them they're you know hot property we're dancin too cute for you and you don't even see junior dancers anywhere else you know that's the only show that you ever see them though yeah you know it's never like you go hey honey what you want to do tonight maybe catch a movie get a beer as I'm down to Barra hey I know what about that new club down there where they got got the six year old dancing maybe we could enter down I understand hot property is gonna be there tonight yeah I've never seen him live I'd only seen her on TV but I love stars they always named their groups like that in Star Search - a hot property and the next big thing and stuff like that you know as if that helps you know so I was like eh now this next band has been kicking around the Boca Raton area for the last 16 years now America say hello to overnight success [Applause] the house looks bad when they lose you know Zoe's not a tough decision for the judges our challengers overnight success received one in a quarter size and where do they get the judges on that show do you see the judges on Star Search you know they always can I got those lame credentials they're you know kind of suspicious you know now it's time to meet our judges the president of tri media artists he represents such stars as Meadowlark lemon [Applause] [Music] normal butters [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] serhat property so I'm very funny thanks good to have you with us and please come back any time it's great fun very very funny stuff my thanks to Terry Bradshaw and the hunky Jason Priestley we'll see you tomorrow night folks thank you very much for watching get out everybody [Applause] [Music] [Applause] you [Music] [Music] [Applause] our next guest is currently in the number one motion picture in the country called Billy Madison he is also on Weekend Update on Saturday Night Live ladies gentlemen here is Norm Macdonald gar [Applause] [Music] [Applause] thank you well I'm feeling good I a little tired and I started working out today I've been kind of putting it off but I try and get in shape you know I'm not in good shape and I used to be back when I was a young you know that's when I said oh my god Oh back then oh my god how's you my peak physical condition back and I was like it was like one that's not look good should see me back then holy God you wouldn't know me now if you see me back when I was 1 I even look good for my age people come and go who are you zero what I go no I'm one then I go man you know like a day pass zero I'm not kidding you there ok well thanks but no I won so uh I tell you know man try to be a better person you know I'm trying not to lie as much as I used to you say high all the time for some reason and you know now I try not to you know because you know sometimes there's a reason for your lies you know like you want to protect somebody's feelings or you know screw over your buddy Larry or something might happen Jimmer is live for no reason at all folks you know just all of a sudden a big lie will spill out of your evil head there ok you know I you know like you know gal come up go hey you ever see that movie with Meryl Streep and the horse there you go yes ready back ready what the hell am i lying about over here standing ain't nothin - weii oh my thinking back here in my head but I'm having a good time about a dog the other day man I'll tell you go to this dog store these things are expensive honey these dogs can you believe it I had no idea guy tries to sell me his duck 600 bucks you know pitbull you know $600 duck and you know I don't want to buy a big $600 I was looking to pay you know a buck somebody two bucks I don't know my ceiling was two bucks and this guy's talking 600 so the guy says you want advice is this is a pitbull this will protect your valuables you know I don't have a lot of valuable things there folks are on a lie you know I mean I bite a pitbull that would be the most valuable thing all right I'd have to buy something to protect it you know I may be out shopping for Wolverines you know they found the Wolverines star the next day that one a kid well that's a crazy dog man that just rip your throat out that dog you know we don't want a dog like that I don't even know where that dog came from me when I was a kid there weren't any pit bulls and then how the hell is that a Venetian talk show up like that but I don't why I never buy a doc I always when I'm buying my dogs you know I always think to myself I go hey this dog were to go berserk you know would I be able to take him you know I think I got one that wiener dogs you know that's a nice guy I get like a beat the hell want to brag but you know I don't have any problem with that cuz a wiener dog could never like jump up and rip your throat out that can't happen you know you'd have to be lying down that would be the only way he could have a chance you know you'd have to be sleeping but you're lying down and sleep and then maybe the wiener dog sneak up late nights there's nibbling your throw out there you know you know maybe buddy daybreak he's fine he's got ahold of a vein he's going out of man are you wake up God gave me a wiener dad what the hell are you doing there what do you think you're a pit bull or something there's nothing but a wiener dog that's how you ever will be at the diner but no I love my wiener dog the worst thing can give you maybe you got a hickey that's about all you begin you know that's embarrassing folks you ever have a hickey ho my lord huh we're walking out a street here you got an embarrassing Hickey you gotta try to and then people see you in a street you know they go hey you got a wiener dagger there but I don't know I love my dog I buy him so you ever buy a gift for your dog feel like a jackass no you're going out by now I gotta win bones I huh do you want like one rubber bones you know I thought that's a good gift for a dog you know and I give it to my dog and it dies like oh great it's a bone oh yeah it's not a million laughs that's a good one that I'm not a bone at all my grandmother she's not excited I got a wiener dog she's 70 she knitted him a sweater that's the cat out you know I feel sorry for you know knit knits dog is a sweater but she sent me a sweater and I don't want it I don't want to make the dog wear you know it's a humiliating for the dog you know wear a sweater it's ridiculous you know and then I figure what happens like the dog gets lost you know he's wearing a sweater what the hell that's gonna be ten here in New York you know names mean streets if you're a you know wiener dog in a cardigan they don't hey thanks a lot folks you you [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] our next guest is a very funny person is the anchor of The Weekend Update on the very popular television program Saturday Night Live do me a favor folks please welcome him back to the program here is Norm Macdonald [Applause] [Music] [Applause] you know up in the office earlier the a afternoon we were looking at some videotape of your work on a weekend update very very funny you do a great job very amusing stuff Thanks how did you get your start and I know you personally was a stand-up comedian but how did that begin well I was in Canada you know and then yeah and so we don't do much show business in Canada and then that they called me from the states to do the show you know Star Search Star Search yeah and hitman the stars overhead and so there was the international star service there's a special star circles ooh you're Canadian yeah right so I was in that and then I lost it was horrible I always got the lowest score like I ever really yeah I was up against guys that were much more international like it was one guy he was from Africa and he had like a big robe and a hat and and then another guy from Australia and he had a hat to jagang a little time yeah you needed the Hat sure so and my stuff wasn't funny I didn't have all that you know all the hats in the world won't help that I went on it was really humiliating I'm sorry and nobody laughed even Edie didn't laugh that I knew I was doing bad Ed McMahon wasn't laughing and that's what he does for a living out more or less sure he was taking some time off he was just glaring at me there and but he was a good guy always makes a dramatic rise to make a dramatic yeah you know big moment yeah even if it's you know everybody knew I was gonna lose but you have to go out with the other guy and with the guys with the hats and I knew I was gonna lose and then how you know he goes like another tough decision for the judges [Laughter] that was the only time I heard laughter we said all right yeah Canadian champion no I'm McDonald receives 3/4 of a star that's not good it's not good at all I figured that later that we got three courses sir three guys had to give me one star and then one guy gave me none [Laughter] well you persevered and succeeded in spite of that one of the nice things when you do a weekly variety show like Saturday Night Live and you have a different guest host each week you get to meet a lot of really exciting famous the show business luminaries I don't know a lot of them you know they're there they're like famous like they're kind of famous like hot guy the guys that are here yeah hot yeah at the time and I don't follow it that much and I don't know unless it's like the Fonz or something I don't know that everybody around the officer excited abuzz yeah oh hey Norman you wouldn't believe who's here this week you're not gonna believe it and then I go was it the Fonz they go no it's that girl yeah Courtney Johnson from the LA detective story show you know when I go here he's good [Laughter] but you can't you gotta be nice like Yuri after they because there are guests in your home so I gotta meet with them and I just pretend I had four to go you know I pretend so no you know I go hey you're good on the show you my favorite with the gun you know [Laughter] well again you do a nice job I hope you have a nice summer to have plans for the summer I'm gonna hang out with my wife and kids Oh that'll be good yeah that sounds like a lot of fun normos for being here tonight thinks I'm a great holiday weekend good to see you [Applause] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] welcome back to the big broadcast ladies gentleman I want to tell you that Mia Farrow is something very very appealing about her she's the great fine actress and you think about the the life that she's led it's an amazing story don't you think yeah yeah I like I'm very fond of riffing yeah a very nice woman lives in Connecticut you know I live in Connecticut you do yeah oh yeah you live near her huh do I have near her I don't know she wouldn't say did you notice she kept that vague kind of issues oh yeah in Connecticut and then she says you live up there too yeah you know like maybe one day we'll bump into each other I exit 40 on i-95 well look there's Mia Farrow and 18 kids you know ladies gentlemen I don't need to tell you that our next guest is the very funny anchorman of the weekend update on the wildly successful and popular television program Saturday Night Live what is that show on call that's a Saturday night Saturday night it is yeah when do they film the show do you know film it they don't like it's live it's live yeah they do it on Saturday night Saturday Night Live so we're seeing it as they're doing its live on Saturday night I'll be damned ladies and gentlemen how about a nice welcome for mr. Norm Macdonald our [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] hey nice to see you you know I think the world of your work I think you're very very funny man and I and I like the little Weekend Update thing you do it yeah anyway they involve you in the what are they call those skits to get behind of skits do you like being in the skits I had yeah whenever they need a guy to answer a door or something yeah well you're damn good at it don't sell yourself short and you get to be kind of a like a celebrity like a big deal aren't you yeah I kind of marginally I was I did a celebrity golf tournament is it fun it's all right you know what it didn't work out very well why not well the thing is the idea is you go and there's three regular guys and then there's the celebrity yeah you know so it'd be like a guy from the Rotary Club a guy from the bank a guy from the Kiwanis Club and you bring a foursome and so I showed that there and there was three guys there might see times like 10 15 and so one of the guys he says we were just out standing there and the guy says to me says hey I wonder who our celebrity is [Applause] you know you know it's hard to identify yourself yeah and so I said it was me and we got that spent the whole like first nine holes trying to explain who I was yeah and plus they were there were other guy they were like celebrity spotting they were like envious of all the others so then I was like hey Scully Mitchell look at that over there you know there's chachi I was even doing it kind of a thrill for you as well and plus it doesn't help that I'm no good at golf I stink at golf I'm very good you know not only you know I've been in the woods all the time trying to find my bond there on the fairway going hey where the hell is that guy we don't know who he is now when you go out generally I would guess though the people usually know who we are when you're walking around New York City especially you get recognized all that a little bit sometimes that like a lot of times they get like hey yeah you're that guy from Saturday Night Live and I go yeah yeah yeah and then think that shows sucks it's not good [Applause] [Music] sounds like cuz I'm not you know I'm not famous but one guy will recognize me and everybody else won't so just make a big oh yeah yeah yeah yeah and then everyone looks at me wet but I want to get famous you know that's my big goal really nervous enough so that I can't walk down the street right like you you know where your life is your life is the hell but I want I'd like to get famous enough so that if I had you know if I ever had like kid you know problems of my liver or something I could get another one quick [Applause] [Music] how is your liver everything all right there everything but if I get famous enough I'm gonna hit the booze yeah and it's nice to know that you have that it's kind of an insurance policy but you I know you in addition to the television work you've done films you've worked in movies you've been in a couple of films haven't you one yeah yeah do you like that kind of work yeah I'm not a good actor but it was I was called Billy Madison was my buddy Adam Sandler I remember the film because I had nothing to do that's needed a guy to answer the door right yeah so it was a lot of fun but it was in the heat and at one point I passed out no yeah I was like I was supposed to be lying on a lawn chair that was my big thing they tell you do something funny and so I was lying on a lawn chair and all of a sudden was like so hot out I got like later they told me like censor and I passed out you're out and then they chucked a bunch of ice on me and I woke up and they were very concerned because I guess if a guy dies on a movie it's not good no no especially a guy that they didn't even like puts a real damper on those ticket sales yeah so you're alright though it's it wasn't you know you're Canadian right yeah I'm from Canada yeah we're about in Canada Quebec City Quebec City yeah yeah yeah now are they are they removing themselves from the rest of the province in the country yeah they're gonna be leaving they really yeah did that vote go through wasn't that a referendum or something in Canada yeah well they're French yeah I understand so we don't really care oh you don't care let's do let's you and me right after the show get ourselves cleaned up real nice and we'll go out to dinner with mia farrow oh man she is the most and a fine actress have you seen her act recently you know what I saw was Alice I love to have us yeah God that was a great movie [Laughter] all right normal let's see is the show you're doing a show this weekend yeah burns yeah Gabriel Byrne he that he's gravis he's got a liver like that there you go Norm Macdonald ladies gentlemen we'll be right back [Music] you we got to do another commercial and will continue here with George Clooney come on back [Applause] I'm thankful cuz there's a new word in the English language and this year I get to OJ the turkey I'm thankful for my wonderful new baby boy who was a pure joy and is currently dating Cher

Channel: Don Giller

Views: 1,053,152

Keywords: Norm Macdonald

Id: hXPu-Sta5a0

Length: 38min 25sec (2305 seconds)

Published: Tue Nov 12 2019

Reddit Comments

[u/Sokrates7777]

I wonder whether or not Norm would have become successful without being a hot piece of ass.

[u/thirdrdworldhero]

Don Giller is a much better man than mlk AND stalin!

[u/ChazRaps]

Highly suggest everyone subscribe to this account. The Donz has the most amazing of Letterman archives and you can really see why and how Letterman was such a huge influence on Norm.

[u/iwanttobeapencil]

I was hoping for the “Sometimes this isn’t mic” made the cut

[u/77096]

Oh Bob, you dirty dog!

[u/heavypickles]

never seen most of these sets thanks!