>>Russell Peters: Any Italian people, in the house, tonight, Italians? [Audience members cheer] [To audience member] Are you real Italian, or you like, a New York Italian? You're New York-- That's not fucking real Italian, you know? Your what? >>Russell: Your parents from Italy? So, do you speak Italian? >>Man: I do. >>Russell: Oh, well then, you're real Italian! [Inaudible] >>Russell: Yeah, as long as you speak Italian, to me, you're real Italian, because you meet a lot of people, in New York, that are Italian, but don't speak a fucking word, of Italian. But they act more Italian, than the actual Italians do. [Laughter] I was standing, in Manhattan-- I was standing right in Times Square, the other day-- and uh, this Italian dude walked past me. He had a-- what-- what I thought was, like, an Indian girl-- looked-- Looked like an Indian girl-- and they walk past me-- now I was just stand there, chillin', you know, just, you know, Times Square, you can just stand there, and look at shit. [No audio] So, they walk past-- and I didn't check out his girl, all I did was this-- [No audio] [Laughter] They walked past, I was like-- it's an indian thing. The minute Indian people see another Indian person, we're like, [Loud gasp] [Laughter and Clapping] [Indian Accent] "I thought I was the only one!" [Laughter] That's the bubble we live in! [Laughter] But I didn't talk gawk. She walked-- they walk by, and I just did this-- and I just continued looking at, whatever-- nothing-- I was looking at, Times Square, you're just fucking looking, at shit! And I don't know, how this dude saw me-- [Low laughter] but alI I-- all of a sudden, behind me, I hear, [Yelling] "AYE!" [Laughter] And it's Times Square, so you don't pay attention to every, "aye," that you hear, so I'm like-- I'm just, you know-- [Yelling] "AYE!" [Low laughter] [Yelling in a New York accent] "AYE, DICKFACE!" [Laughter] I was like, "Dickface?" [Laughter] "I want to see who this, "Dickface" is. [Laughter] I'm like, "It's very close to my, "fuckface," what is, uh-- [Laughter and Clapping] I mean, if this-- is a fuckface, what's a dickface, you know-- I don't-- like-- [Laughter] I don't know what a dickface is! [Laughter and Clapping] I don't-- I don't know what a dickface is! So, I want to see! Where is this, "Dickface?!" [Laughter] He goes, [Yelling in a New York accent] "AYE, DICKFACE!" and I go, and he goes, [Yelling in a New York accent] "YEAH, YOU!" I'm like, "I'm, Dickface?!" [Laughter] [New York accent] "Where the fuck you get the balls, to look at my girl? "Cause you know what they do, is when they get angry, they'll ask you a question-- and it's a really fucked up question-- [Low laughter] and it's-- it's a rhetorical question, to be honest with you. But they ask you, like you're supposed to answer. They wait for you, to answer. [New York accent] "Where the fuck-- let me ask you a question. Where the FUCK--" "Where?!" [Laughter] "Where the FUCK--" [Laughter] "Do you get the balls to look at my girl? Where?!" [Low laughter] And I'm like, "I-- What? I--" [Laughter] [Yelling in a New York accent] "WHERE?! "SHOW ME! WHY DON'T YOU FUCKIN' SHOW ME?!" "TAKE ME! TAKE ME-- TO THE FUCKIN' STORE-- WHERE YOU-- GOT THE BALLS-- TO LOOK AT MY GIRL! "WHERE?! WHERE THE FUCK-- DID YOU GET THE FUCKIN' BALLS--" 'WHERE?!" [Applause] And I-- I panicked, right?! I'm like, "Cosco!" [Laughter and Applause] "I got a jar!" [Laughter and Clapping] ♪ ♪
