Narcissist's Most Potent Weapon: "Induced Conversation." Part 1.

today i'm going to explore further my observed and absorb technique many of you might have heard about this as i hope so because there are four videos on youtube already on the topic all of which explain this unique approach to filtering out the malignant and pathological power of narcissists over their codependent or what i call self-love deficient prey they have all the power in the relationship when they can get you to fight them to react to them to want to defend yourself and this is just a summary because my observed on absorb technique is is explained in these youtube videos as well as in my one and a half hour full featured seminar video at self love recovery.com but as i explained in these videos by using the george bernard shaw saying and i have to look at my pillow because in fact i'm going to get it hold on this of course was not scripted but a long time ago i i was give i was traveling around the united states giving trainings and and and the first time that i gave this training um on the observe zone absorb technique someone in in the audience liked it so much that they made this pillow and the pillow is based upon the saying that i um that i introduced at the training by george bernard shaw where says never wrestle with a pig you get you'll get dirty and beside the pig likes it and thank you for the pillow um well the point the point in sharing that is the pig and we'll call the narcissist the pig the pig wrestler has lived and wrestled in his wrestling ring his or her whole life and knows every square inch of of of the ring and their power their ability to manipulate people requires them to bring in other people in their wrestling ring where they can out maneuver out power out manipulate out think um anyone that wants to try to either defend themselves or perhaps when they fight and so i teach people to keep out of the wrestling ring which i call the physical wrestling ring and that is or or the emotional wrestling ring the physical wrestling ring is the um it's the actual things you do or don't do that engages the narcissist the emotional wrestling ring is is what's in your head so you can not talk to the narcissist or get into the physical wrestling ring not respond to an email um not respond to an anti antagonistic remark but you can keep them in your head and hear their gaslit narrative their their cut downs their comments about you you can keep replaying that tape and then there's in your mind and and that limits your strength and ability to break free from the relationship and survive the narcissistic abuse but the reason for this video is i want to talk to you about the primary defense strategy i teach people when introducing the observed on absorb technique but before i talk about that i just want to be very clear the observe don't absorb technique is one element of many that i teach my clients in my stage four of my self-love recovery program and stage four is preparing for the narcissistic storm and the reason i want you to know about that first is that the observed don't absorb technique in of itself is not enough to solve this codependency self-love deficit disorder thing not even close but within a larger strategy plan to break free from the narcissist both from their overt and covert manipulation the the the tapes in your head the negative thinking the insecurity the self-love deficiency the observed on absorb technique is an absolute must tool if not defensive strategy to survive your attempts to find emotional freedom and self-love this is the point of this video is to understand the power of induced conversation i'll say it one more time induced conversation it is the primary weapon that the narcissist pig wrestler uses in order to maintain their power and control over you if and when you try to disconnect with them you try to set boundaries you try to break off the relationship you try to utilize the observe don't absorb technique it's going to fail miserably if you don't understand what is at stake for the narcissist if they should not be able um to keep you in a wrestling ring think of it as if you are their oxygen and they needed you to to to breathe or to live narcissists are nothing by themselves despite their own thoughts they are filled with shame dread and insecurity and they are not conscious of it in fact it's almost impossible for them to be conscious of it except in rare occasions when they melt down and that window of opportunity opens up and they can connect to their shame and many of us have seen how pathetically broken they act and that's when they beg and plead and will promise you everything but that window closes very quickly and does not come back they are oblivious to their darker sides their shame the induced conversation is what keeps them in control it's what commands their powers and control strategies as long as they can get you to respond to them talk to them defend yourself argue then you are in the wrestling ring now it sounds deceptively simple that this one idea induced conversation this one technique that the narcissists use is actually that powerful but think of it how many times have you or an sld or a codependent sld self love deficient person or a codependent tried to break free from a narcissist set the boundaries complete break from the relationship and feel strong and focused and resolute about their plan to finally end the insanity while the narcissist knows exactly the weaknesses and the vulnerabilities of their codependent prey they understand more than you could ever imagine the ins and outs of codependency addiction or as self-love deficit disorder addiction they know that there will be a point that you will unconsciously crave their company whether it makes sense or not whether it's rational or not they know that you are going to find a way to be around them to be a part of a conversation to create their company emotional connection or even sexual connection so for them to make this self-defeating addiction process move forward they have to get you to talk to them if you do a no contact mode in your life and you tell your therapist your friends and everyone that you are just done you've walked away you've you've blocked them from your um your your phone you you just avoided them from all different places of your life the only way that they can get back in your life is through induced conversation they have to find a way to get you to talk and these narcissists are pretty darn clever really clever sometimes it's just hey i just want to let you know that you left your toothbrush at my house i would love to give it back to you let me know when's the time to drop it off sometimes it's more antagonistic you know you you're you know you have no idea how much you've hurt me and i deserve a chance to just have one more i deserve one chance to explain to you how much i love you and i think we can work this out or it could be deceptively manipulative and they can throw the kids under the bus you know bobby the son you know bobby's teacher called me and he said that we should talk and i think it's a good idea for us to talk you know don't worry about our problems i respect your boundaries whatever the the the the strategy for the narcissist to induce conversation it's going to be the one that connects most with your vulnerability i cannot overestimate how important it is for you to know that everything that you worked for in your boundaries your use of observe don't absorb technique in your discussions and plans for breaking free from the abuse and you're in your education and support with gaslighting the addiction to codependency the addiction to self-love deficit disorder is so intense it's so difficult to break the narcissist just has to find a way to give you just a little pinprick of the drug and the drug comes from the conversation it reminds me of a video clip in the blues brothers where jake and elliot blues were finally chased by carrie fisher who had you know this gun and was trying to kill um jake this whole time and you didn't know until the very ending why she was trying to murder him and we would find out at the end that he left her on on her wedding day and abused her and neglected her and just treated her really really badly and she was intent of shooting him killing him finally when he's laying prostate on the ground full of mud and dan aykroyd is in the back and he gets up and he takes off his sunglasses and he starts to talk to her and as soon as he started saying babe you know i love you you could see carrie fisher's character just melt it's like she remembered the love that they had she remembered the fantasy of being in love and she dropped her machine gun and went to kiss the blues brother and then he dropped her in the mud and went went on but that scene is such a perfect example of induced conversation jake blues knew all too well that all he needed was to break her focus and her anger and her rage to protect herself and to um and to exact vengeance by killing him he knew that if he can get her into a conversation and just get her to listen to him he would connect to that this sldd addiction where she would have this memory of some long-lost love and euphoric um experience of closeness and and and sweet um emotional enmeshment be careful your your narcissist um might not be as slick and suave and certainly as funny as the characters in that movie but all they need to do is talk to you do not underestimate the power of the conversation how many of us know um either friends or ourselves how um we as recovering slds or codependents we finally got to the point when we were done and we were angry and as long as we stayed angry we're cool we are we're going to we're going to march forward towards this idea of finally ridding ourselves of the narcissistic abuse but something happens and you talk to the narcissist and somehow you remember all the sweetness and the kindness that's the insanity the absolute insanity so when you are applying the observe don't absorb technique and you're using many of my other suggestions techniques or strategies including the three boundary rule that's in a recent video um please do not forget the importance of neutralizing induced conversation be on alert do not talk do not respond do not um reflexively interact because a narcissist knows what they're doing and they will get you back into the wrestling ring back in that dysfunctional codependent narcissist dance that i talk about in my human magnet syndrome by virtue of the conversation it's all it takes think of it this way and i know this because i'm an addictions counselor i'm a certified addictions counselor and a certified sex addiction treatment provider is that if you are sober for example i have not smoked in 13 years and i don't plan to ever smoke again but i know that i cannot even have one puff one drag of a cigarette because once i get the nicotine in me all of a sudden the irrational urge of wanting more of something that i thought i could control that made me feel so good i have this urge overtake me that i can't control all of those years of promises that i will never smoke again all of the years of knowledge that if i smoke just one cigarette i'll i'll start back up again all that gets washed away because something happens in my brain that i'm not even aware of where all of a sudden i'm thinking well this feels really good and you can i can control it i can control it this time and i reach for the next cigarette and the next cigarette and next thing you know after 13 years of not smoking i just bought a carton of cigarettes and then finally i say screw it i'm just gonna smoke and then the drugs got me well the narcissist is the same way look at it like a terrible addiction and the way that the narcissist gets you to smoke them is to get the conversation going so in closing if and when you are ready to leave your narcissist abuser your the narcissist that you work for the narcissist that you live with the friend the family member the husband the wife the partner and you are resolute about this no contact in the end of the relationship do not get lulled into the conversation i hope this helps you and i wish you the very best of luck in your pursuit of self-love abundance because there's nothing worse than living a life with this this this terrible self-love deficiency disorder this codependency thing life is short and the words of george eliot it's never too late to be the person you should have been if you like this video please please subscribe or like and or just uh send send a link to friends who most need this information bye [Music] [Music] so [Music] [Music] you

Channel: Ross Rosenberg

Views: 1,408,161

Rating: 4.8975906 out of 5

Keywords: Ross Rosenberg, Human Magnet syndrome, narcissistic abuse, narcissistic personality disorder, codependency help, codependency cure, self-love recovery, self-love, induced conversation, observe don't absorb, how to break up with a narcissist, no contact, going no contact, hoovering, narcissist manipulation, emotional manipulation, flying monkeys, narcissistic supply, hoovering tactics, hoovering meaning, love bombing, hoovering narcissism, narcissism, knowing the narcissist, npd

Id: AgSLzdhLEC4

Length: 18min 0sec (1080 seconds)

Published: Mon Dec 17 2018

Reddit Comments

[u/AJBegonia]

I really needed to see that. I've been trying to figure out how to break the cycle. Thanks for sharing. I was extremely close with my mom until 5 days ago. She has narsissistic tendencies picked up from my dad and she keeps chosing to defend him and tell me to "change how I feel about him". My dad has an outlandishly grandiose narsissistic personality disorder and abuses me and my mom terribly (mostly verbal/mental but occasionally physical, and he mocks my mom in public for having cancer). She normalizes his behavior and conditions me for further abuse by him. She draws me in to his web. I wish I could have a relationship with her but as long as he is in her life I cannot be a part of it. She's in poor health and I'll probably never see her again. They just moved clear across the country. We were best friends until my dad had a mental breakdown and tore apart the entire family in his rage. I know she loves me and this is hurting her but that's the bait I always fall for.