Gaslighting - It Started In Your Childhood. Your Parents Primed You. You Can Break Free!

[Music] welcome to my latest YouTube video by now you should know that I am incredibly passionate about the topic of gas lighting as I write in my book the human magnet syndrome and talk about it in my live and recorded seminars that are sold at self-love recovery calm gas lighting is an integral subject when you are trying to understand your codependency or what I call self-love deficit disorder it was about a year and a half ago maybe two years ago I realized that gas lighting the type of gas lighting that happens between SL D's people who are self-love deficient or codependent the type of gas lighting that occurs between SLDS and narcissus that occur in a relationship that is driven by the forces of the human magnet syndrome cannot happen it just cannot happen if you did not experience some form of gas lighting as a child with your narcissistic parent this realisation inspired me to write a whole chapter in my my latest book the latest version of the human magnet syndrome a person who is gas lit by pathological narcissist is in a relationship with a type of narcissist that has sociopathic traits and let me be clear about this because I go through to great pains to explain that there are three categories of pathological narcissists the one with narcissistic person I disorder NPD borderline personality disorder BPD or antisocial personality disorder or a SPD the people who Gaslight others have sociopathic or a SPD trait or our sociopathic which means if you are gas lit it means that your partner the perpetrator of the gas lighting is either a sociopath has a SPD or a covert narcissist which is a which is a subcategory of narcissistic personality disorder in which they are aware of their narcissism they hide it from others and they project and present a normal likable caring loving and respecting facade so I I start this discussion with a reminder that we are not just dealing with garden-variety NPD's people with narcissistic personality disorder we're dealing with people that have sociopathic traits and as a reminder a sociopath or someone with a SPD lacks empathy is unable to have remorse and can hurt people and justify the hurt because it makes they're getting what they want they're getting they're fulfilling their needs and if it hurts someone else they don't experience what we call cognitive dissonance they don't experience that anxiety and the Jumbo of feelings of thoughts that make us goal is this right is this wrong should I do this but this and that they don't have that internal fight they so cleanly and so easily justify their harm because it's always and about them that our needs supersede it the impact of the harm that they are perpetrated on others they're unable to experience remorse or feel bad for what they do first is they don't have empathy they don't know or want to know what it feels like to be harmed by them they don't have a capacity to connect to another's feelings when somehow the feelings set where evoked or created are caused by that empathy clearly is just the ability to understand what another person feels like we're too poor to get them to walk in their shoes the gaslighting narcissus the sociopath or the or the covert narcissus doesn't care about how you feel unless somehow your feelings can be manipulated and reshaped into something that can help them out so I start this video with just a reminder that one is if you are an SL d or a codependent and you are gas lit or in a relationship that in which your partner controls you through gas lighting it means that in your childhood you experienced a form of gas lighting as a child your relationship with your narcissistic parent shaped you to be a child that would accept someone else's explanation for your reality you could not have survived your childhood with your pathological narcissist if somehow you were not able to accept their inculcated reality narrative accept the implanted narrative of who you are as the child and who they are as a narcissist when they can make you feel that you are loveable by being invisible you are lovable when you are the good child the handsome child a pretty child the child that doesn't ask for anything when you identify with being the invisible child you make the narcissus happy your reality gets constru into a narrative that never was you and once you fully accept this reality this narrative this implanted narrative you get the love the conditional love of the pathological narcissist and that's the best you can do during these critical attachment this critical attachment phase of your childhood so to understand the origins of s LD D self-love deficit disorder aka codependency we have to understand the attachment trauma and I've explained to some many of my videos that SL D D is caused by trauma cor shame pathological loneliness SL d d or codependency addiction and of course on top of the pyramid is the problem that we know is SL D D or codependency but to understand why we are SL DS we we have to embrace the fact that we endured terrible attachment trauma but we adapted to it and survived it unlike our siblings who were more than more likely than not to be pathological narcissists somehow we were able to mold ourselves into the trophy child and the version of the type of child that wouldn't make this narcissistic parent love us more and in dire and sad situation to hurt us less and and that's the developmental crossroad that separates the person who's going to become an SL D as an adult or our narcissist if you can figure out a way to reshape yourself into the type of child that will make the narcissist feel good about themselves you will get something from them you will become the trophy the likeable child a good child and you won't suffer the horrible harm and the neglect the abuse the abandonment of the child who cannot regulate themselves cannot disassociate their needs cannot be the a child and that that is the fate of the child who is perpetually and always the bad child you the SLD who became gas lit by your adult SL I mean you as the adult SLD who has been Gasset by your partner you were primed you were set up for gas lighting so early it's almost as if the narcissist when they first met you and for many of you guys you'll know in my book in Chapter I think it's chapter 2 where I talk about that the exciting but terrible tango which is the the original idea that created my human magnets in her books is the dance the dance have brings a codependent the SLV and the nurses is together is this feeling of familiarity this feeling of attraction this chemistry the human magnet syndrome it's like you know each other you're familiar if you feel paradoxically safe with the person that feels familiar the narcissist can smell they can sense the codependent rates it was because that those traits of yours make them feel more comfortable they make them feel less anxious they make them feel like there's less of a probability of being abandoned or neglected or disregarded narcissists are not attracted to people that are going to not like them because they will have a narcissistic injury so they have to find someone that fits their opposite profile and that's the whole thesis of the human magnet syndrome I'm not going to go into that now got plenty of stuff on YouTube got my book got all sorts of videos but there was one video I made and I believe the title was narcissists are like pedophiles now of course I like strong titles because you know that's good marketing but the point of that and bringing that up is a narcissist who is sociopath or a covert narcissist who is going to Gaslight you they need to find a certain type of SLD who is vulnerable and Cape and capable of having their mind manipulated and going back to the one video of the you know narcissist or a pedophiles etc etc it's like they can find they can be among a group of people and say there is two or three people that are on the SLD side but only one the one their target is going to be the one that they believe can be gas-lit they can smell it they can sense it they can intuit the type of person that is going to be opened into having their reality manipulate it in a way so that they can accept another person's reality which in turn will create power and control dynamics that will and will ultimately they will become this indentured servant like person to them and the person that's going to fall for this the person that's going to be their target their victim is the one that experienced severe gaslighting as a child during their developmental attachment phase and that goes back to what I said earlier the gas lighting process that occurs between the two adults the nars pathological narcissist and the SLD the codependent requires that the SLD to have an experience and a tube and susceptibility in gas lighting so why is this important why am i saying to understand gas lighting and to protect yourself about gas lighting you have to understand that you were set up as a child early on to know that love to be loved and cared for to be respected you have to abandon your own thoughts ideas about yourself your narrative your story for yourself accept someone else's story narrative get manipulated in a way to actually believe something that isn't true that is true and then acted out and become that person it's because of what happened to you so long ago that trauma you're caring you have a little child inside of you every SLD has a little child inside of the and I call that their inner trauma child and that child has been disconnected disassociated from them you actually can't remember her or him because that is the nature of trauma the brain encapsulate sit it puts it it hermetically seal zit and puts it away so you don't have to remember it because to remember it you would remember the anguish and the pain of the childhood in which you had to be you had to suspend your own ideas your own feelings your own perceptions for someone else is in order to guarantee yourself to be loved you cannot break free from gas lighting as an adult just by sheer willpower just by sher psyche motivation or or commitment to psychotherapy because the roots of the problem goes so much deeper than what's happening right now the roots go all the way back into your childhood to a part of your childhood that you actually cannot recollect I am creating a training and will be and in this information that I'm talking about now we'll be a part of this training that I'm giving and that will be available on video in about well the training is in July 15 2009 teen and it will be available on video at the end of July I am writing and creating information for you guys so you could understand that if you're going to heal from the cause of SL DD attachment trauma is to know that you cannot get to that information by normal and regular memory processes now I might have triggered a memory of you being as a child having your thoughts and your feelings and your explanations for the world manipulated but I promise you that if you are an SL D and you've been gasset or you're being gas-lit there's a little child inside you who you might not know exists and that's the child that you were that was hurt abused manipulated and afraid that she would never be loved if she couldn't and wouldn't take on the reality of someone else and toss aside her own your hope for recovery what I call the codependency cure or self-love recovery absolutely necessitates your acquaintance with your hurt in her trauma child she/he has the story to tell you now it will be very difficult to put to get her and we'll say her because you know everyone who knows me knows that SLD shows no preference to men or women but we'll say her this little girl is trauma child she's invisible but she wants to talk and she wants to tell you her story she wants to be let out of the dungeon that is in the deepest recesses of your mind which actually is in a specific place and in my training I will talk about how attachment trauma and other trauma is actually encapsulated and put into another part of your brain as we call the limbic system specifically an almond size shape part of your brain called the amygdala but that's beyond the scope of this but that little girl that in her trauma child she was so deeply hurt and Gasland that she had to disappear you're watching this video and you're having feelings I'm suspecting you're having feelings in your body and I call these body memories and that's part of my new material that's going to be in my upcoming training and information about that will be in in the description this video but these body memories that is the doorway into the trauma you can't remember maybe you got a backache maybe you got maybe you get nauseous maybe you're feeling really tense now that's her if she's talking to you she's telling you that she is connecting to this information and she has been buried buried buried deep inside the back of your mind to a place where she can't be recalled because it's too dangerous that little girl that little boy was gas lit so that she disappeared your hope your salvation for self-love self-love recovery is to connect to that little girl to understand what that she had to disappear and the process of accepting someone's narrative someone's story for her to be gas lit was how and why she disappeared so I could not recommend any more strongly the necessity to find a therapist who understands trauma who understands the unconscious the disassociated elements of trauma so that they can help you find that little girl that little boy give him a voice help him rediscover that who she is it's not who she has accepted that somewhere along the line her real self had to disappear and if you can really connect to that little girl that little boy I promise you you will understand overcome and he heal the trauma wounds that keep you tethered to your pathological narcissist and this human magnet driven relationship I promise you that and until you have that type of therapy trust your body your body is the voice of the child your stomach your neck your heart because you won't have the memories they're not meant to come back to you unless you're in a safe place with a therapist who understands trauma but her voice will talk to you with your body and we are going to one step at a time help you get strong enough resilient enough courageous enough to understand that your adult gaslighting the fact that someone did what I call the swapping the photo on the mirror trick oh and this is in my book the human magnet syndrome but basically if you're not gas lit someone will hold up a mirror to you and you'll and they'll say look at you I love you because you are and the mirror reflects everything you see and you'll see a person that you love because you have self-love abundance which is the opposite of self-love deficit disorder it is the goal of self-love recovery that the healing trauma psychotherapy work that I do to cure salt SL DD or codependency self-love abundance but if you're an SL D you will see something you won't see a mirror you'll see the metaphorical photo that the narcissist put on there and that photo is what they want you to see so that you could identify that is you and it will be a broken twisted insecure sad afraid easily abandoned child so that swapping the photo on the mirror tricked creates this belief that what you see is you and it's not and in this type of therapy and treatment that I will be talking about in detail and my upcoming training on healing the inner trauma child again information will be in the description will help you understand the way out the solution so you don't have to be that picture anymore we need to peel that that picture off the mirror and and you'll be afraid we'll have to do it carefully and you're gonna see this beautiful little girl this boy who was always perfect the eyes and the smile and the innocence you'll see yourself you will see what you always should have been a person who is worthy of self-love who needs self-love who can't do anything other than love themselves because with that foundation of self-love and the healing of the trauma and the resolution of that poor child's gaslighting and attachment trauma you will have a chance to finally experience your birthright of happiness security and self-love and any perpetrating narcissist who wants to put a photo on your mirror and say hey that's you and you deserve this or don't deserve that you will reject and the human magnet syndrome changes you will be driven away from them instinctively you will have what I call your nurse ometer your internal intuitive warning system will say danger that's the new human magnet center of a healed self loving person in conclusion I want you to put down this mirror that has somewhat swapped that photo and put it down and understand that you are a sub you are a victim of severe gaslighting from which all of your perceptions about yourself and beliefs have been distorted so you can be the type of person the narcissist needs you to be that believes there's no way out and to solve this you have to find a therapist who can trace back the developmental pathway that will lead you to that hurt in her trauma child who has disappeared who you can't even remember but she's there she was gas lit so badly that her whole life was her her pure and innocent perceptions of the world were stolen so that she can get a little bit of love from the narcissist you can do it I believe you can do it and self-love abundance is the cure so thank you for watching my video and I hope it helps you to heal and solve the problem that keeps you perpetually attractive to narcissus and entrapped especially to the gaslighting people who will take everything away from you in order to they're like parasites they they live off a parasite lives off the host organism they need you two disappear with them to feel good about themselves so best of luck and be well [Music] you [Music] [Music] [Music] you [Music]

Channel: Ross Rosenberg

Views: 262,331

Keywords: ross rosenberg, codependency, gaslighting, inner trauma child, attachment trauma, narcissism, emotional abuse, narcissistic abuse, narcissistic mother, narcissistic abuse recovery, gaslighting abuse, childhood trauma, toxic family, inner child healing, inner child work, healing the inner child, healing inner child, wounded inner child, how to heal your inner child, heal from childhood trauma, reparenting your inner child, inner child therapy, childhood wounds, trauma recovery

Id: osebdyfUBRs

Length: 27min 53sec (1673 seconds)

Published: Tue Jun 11 2019