What Your Narcissist Will Do If You Leave Him/Her. Preview Escaping Narcissism Seminar Video

[Music] hey guys so nice to see you guys happy Saturday I hope that you all had a wonderful 4th of July and I believe Independence Day if you guys are from the United States or from any other country that has its own Independence Day I think it speaks pretty loudly towards what we SLDS who are in recovery people who are self-love deficient who are fighting so hard to thin ale to become self-love abundant which is a cure what I call the cook time secure so happy Independence Day to all of you whether or not your country celebrated it on July 4th because this is the year 2019 that all of you will become independent emotionally relationally from pathological narcissists speaking of that I am giving a 2-day wide seminar in the Chicago area actually it's closer to O'Hare Airport than Chicago maybe about a 10 minute drive and I don't usually do trainings anymore as I've said in my last couple live events I just think I'm just get tired of it there was a point of time where I was traveling all the time I think in two years I I went to like 65 70 cities it was just I just needed to take better care of myself so now I do what I do now and once a year sometimes sometimes if someone hires me I do it more I give these live events but this live event is unlike any other live event I've done except except the very first human magnet syndrome event I did and let me take a guess here 2012 that was actually before the book the human magnet syndrome was written and I even had the title the reason it's similar in in scope and gravity is it's all new stuff I have been talking a lot about of course the human magnet syndrome material and what I call my codependency cure material and that is the cut petsecure material is everything that answers the human magnet syndrome people have been always asking me ok this book is great thank you it's changed my life but what do I do over the last six seven years been trying to put together an explanation and how I lead my clients who formerly were called codependence but SLD is our self of deficient deficient people I lead them through my program which I call my self love recovery treatment program to finally the the transitional self that they always deserved and that is the being self love abundant because we were we were always born perfect we did have a choice and parents and that's why I love this saying by George Eliot it's never too late to be the person you should have met I love that saying because you know we come into this world and we expect our parents to love respect and care for us to nurture us to give us a healthy loving attachment experience and if one of our parents is a narcissist you know if that if that's the case the probability is high that the others of SLB a codependent our childhood was pretty traumatic and in that trauma a horrible trauma which most of us call attachment trauma is almost impossible to treat using standard psychotherapy that is why on Saturday July 13 I'm rolling out my training which I've already spoken spoken about did a YouTube video on but it's called healing the drama child or the hitched psychotherapy method that talks about trauma and the healing and the integration of it and that is a part of myself love recovery programs so this training in the Chicago area is Saturday it's the hitch or the healing inter krama child is is on Saturday and then the next day I instead of giving my typical training or seminar which I call the codependency cure I decided to just focus on two of the stages the stages that are most about how to escape survive the escape of narcissistic abuse with limited harm to yourself in your loved ones like your children I have a lot of information I want to teach you what is currently stage 4 which is preparing for the narcissistic storm and what I learned is that taking on the narcissist adversary the gas lighter the bullied the manipulator the triangulate er the person who poison everyone ones Minds the one who is so skilled and adept at avoiding responsibility in blaming others there's just no way that you could win when I say when it's it's winning is getting out without fighting there's no way that you can win if you're not prepared and I found that most of my work in psychotherapy was not only preparing the SLDS so what is some narcissus what type of narcissus is that person because narcissist pathological narcissist as I write in my human magnet syndrome book not all narcissists are the same that's why I call them pathological narcissists and I'm very very clear I'm in stages for prepared for the narcissistic storm is its importance is directly related to how difficult stage 5 is which I will be talking to you a little bit about today stage 5 is setting boundaries and hostile environment I always start out my stage four and Stage five discussions with what I call is my my certain general warning you know just like in a pack of cigarettes there's a warning that says if you do something that's poisonous or bad for you you know something please be warned something's gonna be bad that something bellies can happen so here's my Surgeon General warning codependency or self-love deficit disorder causes severe psychological birth defects the abrupt cessation will result in severe episodes of self doubt self line and prolonged bouts of painful pathological loneliness expectedly six months of ridicule condemnation rejection from loved ones as well as a rapid loss of friends family members and others who were formerly known as loved ones well that is my Surgeon General warning I'm neither Surgeon nor general and so stage four in Stage five emphasized this warning because you know you've heard the saying when the stuff hits the fan Stage five is what is is when the stuff hits the fan phase that is when because of stage four and you've been prepared and taught and you've you've mastered or if or have are learned very well the observed don't absorb technique the how to avoid an induced conversation this three strike boundary rule and all of the information that I'm going to teach you and the first half of July 14th once you are prepared you have become what I call these the SLD or future SLA self of abundant master chess player because if you're going to prevail if you're going to be triumphant and stage five and set boundaries and actually get out of these relationships that are so harmful you have to predict everything before you do it because that way you will outsmart the narcissist believe it or not the narcissists are not very smart the only reason they seem smart is they can control only one type of person and that is the SLD or codependent and there's something about self-love deficit disorder when you aren't SLD you just don't think logically and rationally Stage four prepares you so in this chess game so that when you get to Stage five and you set the boundaries you are not only aware of what you're going to do the reactions of what the other person is going to do and your reactions and you can play it out just like a good chess player I'm not good at chess but I do know that people that are really good they study their adversaries or their opponents and they know exactly how they play and their style and they're tender in the way that they move their pieces so in stage 5 you start to set the boundaries and it's a it's not nearly as frightening as you would imagine because you have spent so much time preparing yourself in the previous stage but it's scary because you know my surgeongeneral morning it's gonna it's gonna come to fruition you're gonna lose about 75% of all the people that you thought loved you or all the people that you loved and you won't it will be difficult but you will have so well mastered observed on absorb which is a technique that I will be expanding on in great detail and adding more information that the I will be rolling out the new version of the observed on absorb technique the updated version but you will have mastered this form of what I call purposeful and healthy disassociation observe don't absorb so that you will not be tense and anxious and scared so in stage 5 you set boundaries and the stuff hits the fan and you know it and you're not surprised and of course you're not all your your your your chest moves are very well coordinated so you know that this was going to happen so either you have already prepared for that and that that's why Stage four is as if not more important than the stage five information and you will execute everything and it will be difficult but you won't be surprised in my last YouTube video I talked about how people joke with me and they call me a psychic or the narcissist whisperer and of course I think it's funny but I bring it up again because it's really easy for me to predict what my clients narcissist will do because there aren't predictable so I want to give you a sneak preview of something something that's new that's not anywhere else that's I just wrote actually just wrote today now of course when I say just wrote that that means I've had this in my head I've been working on this with my clients I just don't make this stuff up in this slide I say on the slide is pathological narcissists reactions to stage 5 they are predictable and then the slide starts off with someone because like really angry and then that then the picture dissolves into a person who's grabbing someone's leg in it and it looks like please don't leave me so let me share with you what will be part of training us under stage 5 setting boundaries in a hostile environment so there are nine phases that are fairly common and predictable that pathological narcissists go through when they are met with a person who has effectively completed and finished Stage four and has and with all the tools in the emotional health and and burgeoning self love abundance come to stage 5 number one is and by the way I should say and it's actually in a previous slide so there's so much information but I just want to give you a bit here but in a previous slide I say you must know you're pathological narcissist you must know them because how we do stage for preparing for the storm and how we do Stage five which is executing the plans discussed in stage four or setting boundaries and hustle environment is dependent on your pathological narcissist diagnosis so in my book I talk about there's three forms of pathological narcissist someone who is has a narcissistic personality disorder someone who has a borderline personality disorder or someone who has an antisocial personality disorder or sociopath or some people say Psychopaths am I further explain that narcissistic person disorder is subdivided into four categories your overt or what I call garden-variety narcissist your covert narcissist your malignant narcissist and your productive narcissist narcissists respond depending on if they're NPD BPD or a SPD they respond much much differently to the boundaries in stage 5 and of course because of all the work we've done in stages 1 2 3 and 4 the SLV seem to be a so a self of the one knows exactly how they're narcissists is going to respond to stage 5 and studying the boundaries so when I read the next when I read they're the predictable reactions please know that there's some variability based upon many factors and so this is the generalization so the first reaction they have is and they become even more manipulative and they churn off of the gas and the gas lighting I've come to understand that all pathological narcissists in different ways use some form of gas lighting the most severe form of gas lighting is as perpetrated against SLDS by covert narcissist in a SPD's by the way so number one is they become even more manipulative they try to get more into the head of their partner they try to undermine their confidence they tried to twist their reality and they try to make them believe that they can or cannot do what they say they would they say their and warned about and if that doesn't work the second phase is a aggression and threats that's where the pathological narcissist or I will shorten the Pienaar that's what I use in my trainings I was the pee narc pathological narcissist becomes a bully aggressive and threatening and there's different forms of of that and and I'll talk more about that in the training this is only a preview and you know but you know some of it is physical violence which is very very dangerous and and please please please please be careful and then there's other types of aggression and threats if that doesn't work and none of it works because you've done really well on stage four you're going to see that them cycle right through all nine of these then they become passive or covertly aggressive so now that they realize the bullying and the and the overt aggression doesn't work so now they start to go into sabotage mode triangulation mode and triangulation basically means you get another person you feed another person information that's not necessarily true too to team up against the person you want to hurt so sabotage triangulation poisoning the minds of people and many many many other forms of passive and covertly aggressive forms of retaliation when that doesn't work and you are this perfect stoic what I call OD a ninja observe don't absorb or OD a warrior you have a couple nicknames from and and you've predicted all this and you've not only predicted it but you've ensured that you are safe and and you actually are several always several steps ahead on teen art then all of a sudden we've got as four they're willing to negotiate negotiate now it's funny because I often warned my clients that this will happen it's no no no no I said well they're gonna negotiate they're gonna go to therapy they're gonna do this they'll never do that I guess just trust me but when when the manipulation won the aggression to the passive and covert aggression three doesn't work then we find out and I have a whole slide on this but I'll just say very very quickly we find out how afraid the narcissist is of being alone lonely now everyone knows that SLD is recoded penance suffer from pathological loneliness it is the withdrawal symptom of SL DD addiction it is incredibly painful and seemingly impossible to get past seemingly but I've never talked about that narcissus they actually have much worse pathological loneliness and much worse core shame they just because of their personality disorder they're able to compartmentalize that away and not feel it and think it so when they are willing to negotiate they're starting to get scared because you know we know about bullies bullies are bullies because they're cowards and and when the negotiation doesn't work then we go to five then they just say flat out okay I'm gonna stop I'll stop having sex with your sister I will stop drinking I'll stop yelling at you or the children I'll come home after work I will help you watch the children I will they just start they start to promise you what you've always wanted them to do now because you've been a great student in stage four and you know that it's not going to happen and and and sometimes my clients will come back and go across he's going to stop or she's gonna stop and I come a calm them down and I remind them of the discussions we had a Stage four but when but most SLD say okay fine please do stop but and what happens is their motivation to stop is not is not genuine and they can't stop you know sometimes they have an addiction sometimes their narcissistic hundr hunger is so deep some time instead of sometimes it's an affair but when they when you find out they can't stop and you just keep saying I'm done the next one is agreeing to go to therapy or treatment them I can't tell you how many of my clients I've had to calm down and say this is not as good as you think it is and and I start I start to warn them that the most dangerous thing that you can do in this stage is to go to marriage therapy it is completely dangerous because someone with a personality disorder is unable to take responsibility for their problems and have empathy etc etc and if my client listens to me they will either not go to marriage therapy or they will go to marriage therapy and they will use observe don't absorb and they will let it fall apart because once the marriage therapy does not work for the narcissist the narcissist will quit narcissists will go to psychotherapy and they will find someone and there's a lot of therapists that don't know anything about narcissus narcissism and they'll find someone where they can just vent and they'll say look I'm going to therapy but if the SLD should like if she was a she or he was a fine of all they would know that in the therapy they're not talking about what's wrong with them they're talking about what's happening to them and how badly they feel and they're incapable in their therapy to actually get to the fundamental problems that are responsible for their narcissism so if they go to therapy they inevitably stop because the therapist usually pisses them off when the therapist sets the boundary or disagrees with them or they'll stay if the therapist just kind of doesn't know what they're doing and just kind of nods their head and listens and and gives a lot of empathy um and that doesn't work they drop out of therapy the next one is they start to humanize themselves by talking about their abuse history that is when they that is when they start talking about please don't leave me please I was abused as a child and they start to become emotional and they actually start to remember what they usually don't remember about their their attachment trauma so yeah a narcissists have attachment trauma also it's just exponentially more severe and as it as and because of that it's not a meaningful it to psychotherapy but when they're about to lose their their object that is on their SLD object that has kept them feeling good about themselves and everything is not work they portray themselves as broken-in sympathetic people now this is actually if you think about it it's probably a really smart move for the narcissist to do that because he knows the SLD the partner who's getting ready to leak him is empathetic and by the way empathy is nice empathy is good compassion is good but because you've done so well on stage four in Stage five you kind of watch that in your observed on absorb mode and you realize this is nothing more than a guy's it's a it's a tactic and it's just really too late because as I bought often explained my clients it doesn't really matter if they start talking about what happened to them it does not what happened to us does not excuse how we treat another person and I explained that to all of my SLDS you can't blame someone else for your problem you have to take responsibility for it NSL these can and if they're in treatment they do and they owe and they get better so when number seven humanizing oneself by talking about the abuse history doesn't work then we go 1/8 and that is the all-out attack or destruction or in the case of people with borderline personalities order self-destruction or threats of suicide and that is when it's the last gasp it's almost like you have your your hands around the throat of the pathological narcissist and you're kind and you're trying and they're experiencing that as you're trying to choke them and kill them now of course I'm not talking about murder I'm just talking about observe don't absorb watch all of these nine phases play out but the subjective experience from the narcissist is like you're choking him out you're trying to kill him and they will and and they will fight with everything they have which explains everything up to this it's phase which is eight which is an all-out attack or destruction or self-destruction it's all-out and when that doesn't work because the SLD has prepared for both the danger of the attack and the destruction and it's done great predictive awareness work the observed known absorbed work is solid and everything else that they've learned in stage four keeps that that strength that that new base of self love abundance solid then it's over say someone does attempt suicide and they and they do have borderline person I disorder and they realize that there are a suicide attempt if they should survive does not bring the SLD back but it actually makes things worse for them or if the all-out attack or destruction ends up in an arrest a restraining order or massive protective initiative which was well-planned then where we come to the last phase and that's replacement that's when the pathological narcissist needs to find the new victim now that might take a little while or that might happen right away so what I wanted to do in talking about the pathological narcissists reactions to the SL DS boundaries that are set in the stage 5 which is setting boundaries in hostile environment I wanted to help you see that this is going to be an incredible training because that was just one slide I got to get like a hundred of them actually a hundred twenty-five for the whole day and it's going to be filled with information that's going to be helpful informative uplifting and for some life-changing and to know ahead of time for example these nine reactions manipulation aggression past summer covert aggression willingness to negotiate agreeing to stop problems agreeing to go to therapy humanizing themselves by talking about their abuse all-out self or others destruction and replacement and if you like no more or less ahead of time you're cool as a cucumber and that's what I want this weekend to be is I want you guys by coming to Chicago is to get this life-saving information which is specifically created for the general audience and therapists all of my work all of my work including my books and my trainings are written right down the middle and I've never had a complaint well that's not true every so often I um I get a you're usually narcissist so come to my trainings and they'll pick something out and they'll have a big issue with it of course I've used my observed not absorb and just let them do their cycle so I hope that you guys will consider the value of this training which by the way is already discounted I discount it at 15% it's actually priced really well considering that it's a really nice hotel and there's gonna be food and coffee it's not a bare-bones thing and if you go to both days I believe it's a 15% discount and if you're a student or have a disability or something as similar will give you a discount but you'll have to write that help at self-love recovery calm the sessions will be recorded that the weekend the two days of will be recorded on self-love recovery calm my company self-love recovery Institute I sell all of my educational seminars and and they're available the difference between the recording and the live event is the recording will be edited the live events other than not being edited they there's a synergy and a connection there's a synergy and a connection when people are together in a live event that not only do you learn but there's and so most people prefer the live event because they're on other people there they get the talk and connect and plus you know what Chicago is a really great city to visit in the summer and if you're going to come to see me and you're not from Chicago stay a couple extra days there's so much to do and and and the public transportation is great anyone who wants the video will once the video is available there will be a 50% discount and we will provide it information later but once the video and if you are in if you're on our mailing list you'll get an email if you are not and everyone listen if you want to be on my mailing list mail us your email address at help itself love recovery comm and you will get an email saying when the vid when it is available on video and if you if you had attended the live event we will provide you with a discount code but you'll have to write us and and to get that you guys are great and looks like you're having really great conversation and that's one of the great things I like about my youtube lives it's like you guys are really connecting which is exactly why I suggest my live events versus buying the videos because you connect with other people and you make connections and sometimes lifelong friends okay guys I'm going to wrap it up please consider coming to the live seminars on Saturday and Sunday July 13th and 14th July 13th will be on healing the inner trauma child or hitch psychotherapy method right rollout for the first time how to actually heal and integrate attachment trauma which is responsible for SL D D or codependency and I talked and great length and detail about trauma and and how to understand it the second day is the first three hours is on my stage 4 which is the storm surviving the narcissistic storm in other words it's it's a preparatory work that enables someone to be successful at finally standing up and setting boundaries with the narcissist the second part of the day 3 hours is on my stage 5 which is actually setting boundaries and hostile environment I hope to see you guys there and if you can't make it send us your email address at help at self-love recovery calm and we'll put you on our email less in 1 if when the when the videos for these trainings are available we'll send you an email okay you guys as always are tremendously important to me and I hope that this information that I talk about today independent of the trainings because I always try to give you guys information no I'm always trying to teach you guys stuff and it's my job I'm also trying to just do my job but I just I hope that you continue to build your self-love abundance and if you are self-love deficient because don't give up on it because once you become self of abundant the world changes alright guys you're great and I hope to see some of you I'm in Chicago soon and I'm sure I'll be seeing a lot of you on the internet somewhere bye bye [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music]

Channel: Ross Rosenberg

Views: 116,344

Keywords: ross rosenberg, codependency, codependent, narcissism, narcissistic abuse, sld, gaslighting, triangulation, self love, self love recovery, observe don't absorb, boundaries, self love abundance, pathological narcissist, Borderline Personality Disorder, borderline, npd, bpd, dysfunctional relationship, human magnet syndrome

Id: YVuU68lxGGw

Length: 35min 57sec (2157 seconds)

Published: Sun Jul 07 2019