When You Unmask a Covert Narcissist, RUN, But Quietly! Counterfeit Relationship. Narcissism Expert

[Music] [Applause] [Music] welcome welcome to my latest video blog today I'm going to talk about covert narcissus again there's no coincidence that that video was one of my most viewed videos there are something about covert narcissism and how upsetting it is for those who learn about it for the first time a more than that is to realize that there has been where there is a covert narcissus in your life they are the worst type of narcissists the absolute worst think about it covert narcissus thrive by pretending to be something they are not altruistic kind and pathetic connective they pretend to be codependence and as I explained in detail in my my youtube video on covert narcissism they get what they need out of life by creating this false self this facade that gets some the money the respect but all at the same time they're in these relationships where they're hurting people and behaving pathologically narcissistic behind the scenes but what I want to talk about today is what to do when you find yourself in a relationship with a covert narcissist it is most of all first and foremost disturbing because you have bought into the image the the persona of the kind benevolent giving person and don't we all want to believe that the person who were in a friendship with the person who is our therapist or rabbi or doctor our husband wife don't we want to believe that the kindness is true that they really care about us and that the empathy is not be us but when that facade comes crumbling down it leaves us with a gaping hole of wonder what the hell happened to us how could we have been so foolish the first thing I want to say to all of my YouTube viewers if you are a victim of a covert narcissist please don't be so hard on yourself they thrive on being able to fool they thrive and being able to deceive not because they're sociopaths or liars but because they can't get what they want if the world knows who they really are so my advice is don't beat yourself up what I teach my clients and those who come to my seminars or watch my videos is that in self-love deficit disorder or a new name for codependency is that the narcissus thrive and survive on our bad self-esteem so the worst thing you can do when you uncover a covert narcissist is to beat yourself up and to think that you are stupid and you fell for it and and to just ridicule and drag yourself across the coals you are just one of many many victims of this person the second thing I recommend is to calm down when you uncover the covert narcissus real motives and you finally understand that what you see is not what really is if you uncover it and you bring it to light especially in public they have everything to gain by making you look bad making you look irrational by making you look mentally ill or just to intimidate you and berate you until you actually recoil and admit to them that you were wrong so let me repeat it is to not call them out especially in public because there is too much at stake for them to lose that audience that group of people that job that supply them not only their narcissistic riches or narcissistic rewards but sometimes their job the third piece of advice once you discover that your loved one or someone with whom you are in a relationship that is a covert narcissist you're not going to call them out you are going to decide on a way to exit the relationship a way to terminate the relationship without an obvious confrontation come up with an exit plan make this exit plan carefully carefully thought through and carefully executed if the covert narcissus discovers your exit plan say it is to terminate the relationship say it is to break up the relationship is to seek your divorce and you decide to call them out to pull the mask off they are smart enough manipulated enough and they have too much to lose not to discredit you and turn it around back to you and remember as most of my viewers know because I my videos resonate for codependent codependent audiences or those who are in recovery remember it's just not what we do well we are not good at holding our ground and setting boundaries with manipulative with manipulative narcissist so that the next step is to create a boundary of protection around you because just by the mere fact that you have created an exit plan and you have executed the exit plan that in itself will get the covert narcissist nervous they're smart enough to know that if you are not part of their followers you are not part of the audience that loves them that that that craves what they have to give and you back off get cold I'm even the most minor boundaries they're going to know something is wrong and again have a lot of reason have a lot at stake to turn the situation around on you to make you look bad to restore them to their covert narcissist facade the next step is to understand how passive-aggressive covert narcissists are and I cannot say this more I cannot emphasize this enough when you find out that someone is a covert narcissist you uncover them they're probably going to find out because you know we're human as I say you're probably not going to win if you drop if you take them on directly because they're smart enough manipulation of and they have legions of followers who believe in this image of perfection and kindness and love it and love their passive-aggressive ways we'll be able to take all of their followers and all the people that drink their covert narcissist kool-aid and they will be able to get them to understand what is wrong with you in a way we call this projection you the threat who knows who exactly who they really are who can expose them who calls them out they have everything to gain by making you look bad and because their covert narcissists they don't do anything direct there's no direct aggression there's no direct confrontation it's passive aggressive reactions the retaliation is manipulative sometimes I'm hidden in hidden in what seems obviously kind benevolent and even appreciative actions and then but when the when the passive-aggressive covert narcissist is going to fight you back and they're doing it as I said behind the scenes they have to do it in a way that protects their image in their facade so their don't the way that they do that is they set you up to look bad they antagonize you in a wet and they antagonize you in a way that gets you to defend yourself to attack them this is that this is the technique that you hear not-so-healthy psychotherapists use where they use their psychotherapy superiority to defend themselves and to turn you against yourself and and to through through a fancy use of words and dysfunctional analysis is to protect themselves by being the person that suggests you really are the problem and not them there's many even words for this but it's certain system mind manipulation the last thing I want to say about how to deal with covert narcissist is to understand the degree of danger involved I know personally that every time I've called out a covert narcissist and I and I think of famous YouTube person I think of a psychologist a therapist I think a boss I think of a friend and it has always been a difficult up hill battle to to not only survive but to get out of it unscathed I have to admit that I made a lot of mistakes trying to do it the right way which is why I'm doing this video the wrong way was to to assume that my intellect or my ability to argue a point could be as good as theirs and take them on directly in almost every case it it resulted in this long extended argument whether it was through email or face-to-face but ultimately in almost every one of the cases I would find out behind the scenes how much time energy and even money the covert narcissus expended resources that they expended to not only dismiss my claims but to make me look like the bad person ultimately resurrecting their image and their reputation so to all my YouTube viewers do not take on a covert narcissist directly they have everything to gain by making you look bad and their whole life story is about the manipulation of others their perceptions or feelings their expectations and to manipulate them to believe there's something they're not so if you no matter how right you are and how righteous you feel want to take them on there's a good probability you're going to lose so cut your losses ident identify their covert narcissism come up with an exit plan initiate it or execute it quietly without a lot of confrontation be prepared for the battle which is for them too passive aggression passive aggressively manipulates you and put you in the bad light to make them look like the victim and you the perpetrator and get the hell out of the relationship don't argue with them don't go on a public forum don't try to prove your point because that's that's it's like wrestling with a pig and hoping you won't get dirty and by the way pigs as George Bernard Shaw said and to say saying pigs love to wrestle in the mud ultimately to achieve self-love which really is the goal of every codependent or a person with self-love deficit disorder wants is to disconnect from those pigs who love to wrestle of the mud they suggest get out of the relationship and find either a space where you can find yourself and nurture yourself and love yourself and then reconnect with others you'll find those are the ones who are really themselves what you see is what you get and I'll tell you after being in a relationship with a covert narcissist you will really appreciate it so find a way to heal the wounds to love yourself to reconnect yourself to what's important to you and what you deserve and then those relationships will happen and you'll never again be subjected to a covert narcissist and God forbid if one should come your way you'll see it you'll see that mask before they uh they say bad or night so thank you thank you for listening to me I hope my video has been helpful I'm consider going to advance clinical trainers comm where you will see all of my seminars for professional and general audience and my book the human magnet Center take care and be well [Music] [Applause] you

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Views: 2,342,440

Rating: 4.9157505 out of 5

Keywords: Covert narcissism, covert narcissist, Ross Rosenberg, protecting from narcissists, narcissism expert, malignant narcisisisit, define sociopath, how to help a narcissist, identify a narcissist, covert narcissism traits, manage a narcissist, covert narcissism in relationships, narcissistic abuse, passive aggressive narcissist, codependency, covert narcissist husband, narcissistic personality disorder, relationship with a narcissist, what is a covert narcissist, emotional abuse

Id: 3an9crV9feM

Length: 14min 46sec (886 seconds)

Published: Mon May 30 2016