The UGLY Truth About Gaslighting, Brainwashing & Mind-Control. A Dysfunctional Family Story

[Music] welcome to my latest YouTube video today is going to be an interesting video every so often I will hang out in YouTube you know and what kind of browse and look for interesting them videos and I came across this one channel and the person the channel's name is growth after abuse by Jessica Jones and I was really blown away by it because it was not and sensationalist it wasn't she wasn't a sensationalist she wasn't all about now getting numbers and people and subscribe here you're the very first person that I've ever been interviewed by who I don't know who you are and for that reason I find it not only interesting but compelling and what our viewers don't know is that you and I spent some time picking questions and choosing questions that we were going to base this video on and the few minutes that we talked before doing this video we've decided to scrap those and talk more about gaslighting it seems that we share an equal interest in the subject when when did you first get become interested in gaslighting I started reading about gas lighting when I was introduced to that concept from a lot of books on narcissism and that's just one of the covert manipulation tactics that narcissus used to dictate reality and brainwash the victim and so for me the basic definition would be how an abuser gets to rewrite your reality or define reality and they do that by invalidating your emotions by saying that your emotions are wrong and so you can't use these data signals to determine how you feel and then they systematically counter what you say so if you have an opinion or a perception of reality they say that it's wrong and assume they get you to not believe your own feelings and intuitions and views on reality and therefore they kind of get you to trust them and that kind of happens on an individual level and they can also do that to other people by telling other people that you are a certain characteristic or and you are not that adjective or characteristic and they get other people to believe that and they get you to believe that and I thought that was crazy and it happened to me and I'm 31 I I was gas lit for like 28 years and I completely believe the narcissus false characterization of me I thought I was a piece of crap I thought I was a terrible person and I worked all my life to fix all of my flaws and I realized that they were wrong well you know I think people should should know that gas lighting is perhaps one of the most psychologically abusive inter menteng ways you can hurt a person and it sounds like you have a lot of experience both in your research knowledge and it's and personal experience but I think we should start off with just the basic definition of what gas lighting is gas lighting is a deceptive manipulative and highly dishonest strategy to control another person by making them believe that there is something wrong with them that they have a physical problem a mental health problem or some other overwhelming condition that either never existed in the beginning or was only mildly problematic and to get that person to identify with that this problem this implanted problem they have to manipulate the environment and through systematic efforts they are able to prove to their victim that they have this problem they can't control it in that they should isolate themselves from the people that they were formerly connected to and once a person completely submits to that they get it's like they're burying themselves one layer at a time so deeply that they can't get out and that's exactly what the gaslighting narcissists the perpetrator wants is to create a jail a prison of sorts that the person can never escape how can a victim recognize if they are in a gaslighting based relationship or a trauma bond or a Stockholm Syndrome is there's a lot of terms that are being created that don't have specific definitions or or for that matter made-up so it's important that we start off by saying what is what gaslighting brainwashing the Stockholm Syndrome and and what is the the other term you use trauma bond from above so let's let's kind of unpack these we're brainwashing on a very general sense is any mode of psychological manipulation that has the intent to entrap coerce control a person and it's very broad and there's many ways that people can be brainwashed but the difference between brainwashing and gas lighting is the person who is brainwashing another is not trying to hide it they're not trying to disguise themselves as a good person who's trying to take care of another person who they're trying to inculcate or control through implanted narratives gaslighting is a form of brainwashing gaslighting is done behind the scenes so that the person the victim themselves doesn't even know what's happening and often the victims friends and families don't know what's happening this Stockholm Syndrome on is very common in a gaslighting relationship and I use the term relationship lightly the person who is gas-lit who develops what we call the Stockholm Syndrome develops respect empathy and compassion for the person who has imprisoned them the abuser the you later there is a process by which they are narrative for what happened the story of how they were kidnapped coerced indoctrinated their story over time trans mutates into a story of the perpetrator being the victim himself and the gas lighting the gas lighting victim ends up wanting to take care of that person wanting to protect them in wanting to identify with their story the Stockholm Syndrome is an is a reaction to gas lighting relationship trauma bonding is the interaction the unconscious and conscious interaction of two individuals with the trauma history and I talked about this in my book my books the human magnet syndrome that you know when we talk about the SLD or the codependent who always falls in love with the pathological narcissist both have very severe child trauma history and it's the interaction the connection and the intuitive and reflexive comfort with each other that draws them together but if we analyze it and go to the next level we'll find that it's the trauma that binds them the familiarity with it the the idea that people love you when you're treated badly or people love you when you treat them badly those trauma experiences interact and create this conscious experience of love and connection no I thought that was a great explanation of how Gaslight how you defined gaslighting and how the trauma bond cements that relationship or it's hard for the self love deficient person to get out and extricate themselves yes absolutely the the whole the whole idea of and gaslighting is to control a person by weaking weakening them in any way that you can physically psychologically socially occupational ii the gas have antisocial personality disorder or her covert narcissists or malignant narcissists so whatever their diagnosis is they all share a core of sociopathy they don't have empathy they are very manipulative and dishonest and it's it's this kind of person that can do the horrendous things that only a gasps letter can do to their victim I kind of like how you cover the different aspects like emotionally and financially how a person can be gaslighted because I feel like I was gaslighted like that from my mother and I think she put me in a no-win scenario where occupationally she gaslighted me she told me to quit my job and then when I did it she denied that she ever asked me and then she said I was like a lazy person and a good-for-nothing person and I slowly began to believe these things about myself but she was really like the puppet master pulling all these strings and setting up a no-win scenario where she told me to quit my job and then she told my dad that I was lazy for quitting my job that she said an engineer that scenario and then what was crazy was that she got me to believe all of these horrible things about myself that she was giving me this negative feedback but everyone else around me when I got in the outside world they weren't telling me that I was all the negative things that she told me and so there was this cognitive dissonance but since she was my attachment relationship she's my mother I really internalized her false characterization of me so what's what let me give you an idea of what was behind the scenes so for your mom to successfully Gaslight you she had to choreograph your environment so that not only could she prove to you that there was something wrong with you and or create a circumstance so that you you would either make a mistake or not do well in something that you normally would do well they need the person to have a problem and if the problem is not severe enough they figure out a way to doctor the situation to make that person fall or make steak and so everything they do is a systematic and coordinated effort to break that person down to constantly remind him or her what is wrong with them and to set up situations so that that problem that probably they never really existed in the beginning would keep happening and then they take people in an environment and they convince others that there's something wrong with you or if they can't do that they make you believe that others agree with them and they quote them and characterize their feedback as a way to hurt shame and ultimately manipulate so it sounds like your mom really as a puppet master knew how to pull all the strings to make you identify with this problem and then entrap you by it how long did that how long did that happen how long in your life did that go on for well I'm 31 years now and it's been happening my whole life and it's not just her it's also my brother who's also a pathological malignant narcissist and they put me a concrete example is for example my brother told me that I was socially awkward and that I was like not socially likeable but before I met with friends like he would introduce me to his friends and before I met them he would already tell them all these horrible things about me like oh she's kind of materialistic and she's horrible so when I met them they obviously didn't like me and then after I felt awkward with them he would give that as evidence that hey nobody likes you you're socially awkward so that was a very concrete tactic on a micro scale and how he gaslighted me and that was just one thing it was almost everything whether it was like my academic studies my looks just and everything else so see that the thing is I don't meet Jessica the gas lighter is only as good as and as their victim is impaired and one of the things that I I went to great efforts and in writing my book was to explain how codependency or self-love deficit disorder or the person the SLD self-love deficient person is almost always and I quote this the perfect victim tight for the gas later they they need they need someone who they can control who they whose insecurities is is exploitable and who they have experience with and in a perfect and again I quote this because it's in a perfect gaslighting relationship that person has to have a a relationship a loving respecting relationship with the other whether it's your mother your husband your boyfriend your partner and that is where they blur the lines between loyalty versus blind allegiance and it sounds like your mom was able to turn everyone against you yeah and I think she was also there was a lot of prestige procedural steps in her manipulation tactics I don't know all of them but I think the first one is extremely pernicious and it started off with isolation and she did that by not allowing me to have friends over after school and and I was never allowed to go to their houses so basically I would go to school and then go home and then I would have all of these chores to do and I have to help them in their business so I had no time to myself and I had no healthy feedback and not only that another dangerous thing that she did was hold on a second I want to break this down one part at a time so um so they would not let you have friends yes and outside of school I made friends in school but outside I was because having friends having outside influence weakens their their strategy it weakens the web around which your life is entrapped what they try to make you believe that you were unlikable to your friends or your friends didn't like you it was that was what my brother said to me like he told me that all the time and he even yeah they framed the false narrative so when people vited me over they would rewrite that narrative in saying oh they're just inviting you because they pity you or they actually want something from you they're exploitative so every kind act and approval that I got from the outside world they would frame that in a negative light in terms of paranoia and catastrophic thinking and a false narrative they would say oh everyone is just out to get you there just being false nice everyone has a mask on in reality they're the one who has a mask on they're the one who is paranoid well well that's projection so what they did was in the guise of caretaking and the guise of of loving you and I quote loving you they tried to prove to you that the outside world was dangerous that this problem that they've implanted or inculcated you with now they're gonna say hey other people agree with us and this narrative once the child or the adult believes it it creates paranoia and insecurity and it takes away any instinct or impulse to fight back and that's where you start to believe it I'm assuming that happen to you yeah I kind of had a lot of incorrect core beliefs and it is really hard to emotionally accept that it's not true like one of the core beliefs I had is there's something defective with me or I am NOT a worthwhile person and they got me to believe that from not just mistreating me and directly saying to me all these horrible things with constant profanity and name-calling but they also set up a smear campaign with my extended family like my mom told everyone like all of the aunts and cousins that I was a terrible person I was spoiled even though I was doing all the chores and all I did was sacrificed my love I mean my life to meet her needs I was just this horrible person and so when I went to family reunions everyone just thought I was horrible they would say you're a terrible person they would kind of tell me that I wasn't good enough as well and so she was kind of creating a reality where I was a horrible person by brainwashing other people or just gossiping false information about me so that gave me horrible feedback not only did I not get healthy feedback I got reinforcing feedback not only from her my mother my brother my father but also everyone in my extended family and everyone else does she knew so so and let me break that down so the gas lighter when they can turn people against you based upon a false narrative or an implanted narrative they take away a threat if the gas lighters biggest threat is to be uncovered is to have someone out them and and if they can get the outside world to see that you have this narrative that they engineered a doctor manipulated into fruition then they take away the risk for you to be rescued and create the image that that most nurses is need where their the attention their the good person in the case your parents that the good parents who are taking care of the sickly psychologically damaged child so what you're doing is you are turning off the spigot of outside support you are you are manipulating other people to believe there's something wrong with you and they are probably quite adept at feeding people information that proves to them the narrative for example you know my dad used to say you know the problem with Ross is you know he's you know he's got a bad temper and he always you know you know that's why I'm not very generous to him and why you know I don't really like him that much and when we were in public he would need only he would press my buttons he would know exactly how to get me going and because I hadn't yet developed my observe don't absorb technique I would take the bait and just completely blow up because he knew how to get me mad and there on now I would prove to him I would prove to these people that I can't control my temper and I would then feel ashamed of my own my own self and at the end of they think and think that he was right that I did have no control my temper so it sounds like your parents kind of had a core especially was it your mom or both your parents um it was mainly my mom she's like the more she's a malignant over one and my dad I recently realized he was a covert narcissist yeah I would I would argue that point but we can talk about that later because according to the human magnet syndrome relationships require the narcissist need an S LD or a codependent and codependent need and narcissist so in fact I want to mention that now is if you are in a relationship if one of your parents is a gasps later yeah and the other one is following it see he it fits into your model because my parents are extremely conservative and it was like an arranged marriage and so they they're just both two manipulators it's a cultural thing and that's why they're still married and not divorced okay it still fits in your model so actually so let me explain the model and then we'll we'll talk about your family as an exception because I think it's important for our viewers to understand this is that so if you if you're brought up by a gaslighting parent and the other parent does not rescue you it's easy to believe how both parents were a part of this but what we really have is we have that the gasps later the malignant narcissist the sociopath the covert narcissist who not only was able to Gaslight their children but they also guessed that their spouse and it's it's the next generation of gaslighting so if you have a gas-lit spouse that you've beaten down you've disempowered disenfranchised broken them down get them to identify with their with their big at third for worst nightmares you've had complete you have complete control over your spouse and that's a spouse that you're going to be able to manipulate to join you that the pathological narcissist parent and gaslighting the child so what happens is to the outsider it looks like the two parents are complicit ists are working together really you're one of the parents has already been gas lit and is completely brainwashed and is helping gas like their child and they dumb and but one is a narcissist and one's a victim but both parents are held responsible but in in cases that are in some exceptions where you have people get married because well there's all sorts of except exceptions including arranged marriages sometimes you get two narcissists together and sometimes you get two msl these together but I don't see that working out for the long term because the ego of the two narcissists I'm often will come and will that there will be just too much conflict so in with your parents it sounds like do you believe that they both were pathological narcissists or was your mom as they say drank the kool-aid and had been earlier gas-lit by your dad or excuse me your dad drank the kool-aid and was earlier gas led by your mom which which one best applies I think they're both narcissists and the reason why they're not divorced is because they just don't believe in it it's kind of like a religious belief they just will never do that even though it's a high conflict relationship it's extremely volatile and they kind of try to avoid each other all the time and they constantly fight every day lately that would explain why you're right that if there are narcissists so so you so your own experience was I mean you were right in the heart of the guest lighting cauldron I mean they tried how else did they turn your environment against you to prove the narrative who gets you to believe it in them for you to actually act upon it there's so many ways I could talk forever about this but one way was that my mother kind of did the divide-and-conquer method where she actually got me to believe my my dad was the worst person in the world and so she gaslighted me into believing that me and my brother thought that about my father and she manipulated him into hating us and she portrayed herself as the Artur the hero the victim when she was the real abuser and so she would want it one example was she would constantly complain about my dad like every day she would tell me oh your dad so horrible he did this and this and those were not even offenses like if he wanted to go out to have coffee by himself he was the most horrible person in the world and he would she would explain why she he was alienating the family and wasting money and hurting my future that made no sense but it was just this constant complaining nobody made sense so let's let's and so let's fit this into it I'm gonna ask you but I'm gonna I'm gonna so why do what what was what did your mom the gas lighter gain by triangulating everyone against each other or pitting everyone against each other or whereas he said the divide and conquer because a gas lighter the the sociopath does everything with great intention and and it's very well thought out what does she gain by everyone hating each other we're just liking each other I think she divided everyone so that we would not be able to exchange stories and collaborate cuz I wouldn't have a closer bond with my dad and then we would kind of see what's going on where she was actually manipulating everyone and getting her own needs met at the expense of everybody else's no you said two things so let me the first thing is and they're both are right first thing is that if you get everyone to dislike each other and that this was my dad's strategy you take away any coalition's any partnerships or people to work with each other to compare stories and to eventually realize that the gas later is lying cheating and manipulating you keep the focus on everyone else is bad then the gas lighter sits on top of his gas letting perch and and watches the whole family apart and then there is no woman when threatened there their power and their role so I think that your dad needed everyone to not get along so he would not be threatened in the second part what was the second part the second part was the I guess so we wouldn't form collaborations and like we would just hate each other and I guess that makes you alive more with the gas lighter because you like some more than everyone else cuz everyone else is just the enemy while they're the hero the martyr and the victim like I actually felt my mom was a victim and she was actually the abuser the main abuser the entire time and she got me to feel sorry for her and she was engineering the scenario she was hurting everyone on purpose so I don't like she affected I actually loved her and I thought she loved me and so she got me to believe that and they know it Jessica and that is the primary way they maintain their power base is by they they create this image that they're the good person the Protectorate and and and they in and they implant this this narrative that they're taking care of you and it sounds like with your mom that she got that she got that to take hold that you loved her as any child and wanted her her attention what did she do to inculcate or to manipulate this narrative to get you to believe that well I think number one it was like just directly saying that so it was just propaganda to my face she would say like I love you I have your best interests at heart no one no one will and then she would also say allies like nobody will ever love you you can only rely on mother everyone else in the world is out to get you so she framed the world in terms of a scary place and then she said she was the only one and she said oh your father and your brother don't care about you so she was doing that well she did two things she framed them the world is a scary place but she reinforced the gasolin shame narrative that you are inherently bad and broken to no one will love you so when you put those together you are bad in the world of scary what does someone do they give up and they just hope the gas Tiger will love them and take care of them she was quite manipulative and she also got me to believe that I wasn't able to survive without her that's not true because I actually raised myself she neglected me you know she was working all the time and when she was home she was brainwashing me and being nasty so I didn't have a lot of time with her so I actually was incredibly self-reliant but then she got me to believe that I couldn't take care of myself when I raised myself and solved all my problems and she would just feed me that narrative all the time right directly telling that to me or setting me up in a no-win scenario where I would definitely fail or you know bait me into the overreacting in public by covert me like abusing me in private and then I would react in public and then I look like the out of control person so yeah your mom would what she did was she had to prove to you that you could not make it on your own she had to prove it to you that you were bad and that even if you could make it on your own you would anticipate relative the gas lighter implants the self-defeating prophecy that no one will love me and why should I try because every time I try no one loves me and should they try the gas lighter makes sure that that outcome happens so after a while the person believes they're essentially a bad person that's the gas lit narrative and if she can not only make you believe that and then make other people believe that and then inculcate this belief that she's mothering you and loving you and nurturing you I mean it's amazing Jennifer that you've made it and you escaped that just nothing short of amazing that how did you break free from that well I think it actually took a long time because I'm 31 and I started reading self-help books ever since eighteen and then I graduated to more like psychological books and even like clinical manuals I like read a lot of books on acceptance and commitment therapy self-compassion therapy cognitive behavioral therapy dialectical behavioral therapy like and yeah so I started that in my 20 so like eighteen to like right now that was just like and I was in constant emotional pain and so therefore that motivated me to fix myself I knew something was wrong I knew I was always feeling like toxic shame and guilt and just fear and had lots of catastrophic thinking and so I I think reading those slowly helped change my beliefs it wasn't just one book it was like thousands of books and then watching lots of videos and then I think the nature of my core beliefs slowly shifted it's not like it's like everything I grew up with that I believed was false especially about myself about my mother about the world and so it's really hard when you live in a bubble or reality filter and to just automatically just negate everything you believe that's hard you can't just do that the next day even if you gave me evidence if you gave me data that's not enough I would have to slowly change those beliefs and swallowed the red pill of the truth slowly over time and shift that and so that's that's what happened through I guess binge watching videos and reading a lot of psychological books not limited to just a copy Theo narcissism but outside do you realize what healthy relationships look like what and you're missing one thing and I'm pretty sure that you know this is that there was a girl a little girl inside of you the little girl that you used to be that came into this world that was perfectly fine and normal and your mom and your dad had to destroy that person had to burn away her innocence her desire to be loved and be lovable you that you never lost that spark and and this is and your parents could not destroy that because of everything that was good about you and the reason I want to say this it goes into my whole self-love work and the need for people such as you and in your year you're a hero to so many people that are watching this you should be that want to break free from this and you show what a person can do when they want to reverse their fate but but I want to just say it again it's because of what was good about you that they couldn't destroy there are so many people that are gas-lit that that little spark was snuffed out that little part inside of them that said maybe this isn't truth you never let go of that and to me that's nothing short of a miracle Wow thank you I really appreciate that compliment and I think trying to change my beliefs was really hard because up until like 26 I actually believe my mother was a good guy I thought she was the victim I thought she was a hero and I thought she was a martyr and she was under the guise of love and care which was actually just control and subjugation she would you know pretend to say I love you and that's why you have to obey me and so like you're desolate planted to i up to age 26 you're a ghastly what what was what shifted that opened your mind up to the the reality of your mom's horrible treatment a pathological treatment of you well it was it was like a lot of things I did it didn't happen overnight I think it was like I logged in like thousands of hours of just reading psychology books and even binge watching videos I think help like healthy development and learning what that was about help me because one of the things that I did was I was gaslighting myself under their false narrative because I would emotionally invalidate my feelings like if I was feeling sad mad or afraid I would have their voice and judge myself and saying like oh Jessica you're screwed up you can't feel sad you have no right if I try to set a boundary I thought of myself as selfish if I had a need I was like I'm a horrible person if I had a preference or an opinion I'm like oh it's wrong and I'm terrible for having that and that's basically the abusers narrative that's how they saw me and I was doing that to myself and healthy development some books like the emotional validation there was a book on that that tells you that you have to validate your emotions your perceptions of reality and not just negate them so so what I'm hearing you say is and this intellect that you had that you were born with they could not take that away from you that you had a part of you always inside of you that didn't believe it and you just kept um there was a party that they kept that question going and I want our viewers to hear that is that the hope that the opportunity to break free from gaslighting requires that question that personality trait or that moment of clarity where all of a sudden you realize this might not be true and I'm telling you Jessica and I've seen it so many times with my clients who came to me many of which came to me and they say they're narcissists and they're not they were gasolin and and I can't tell you how many my SLDS clients come up to me and start that way and so when I give them evidence I mean evidence that they give me that they were Gasland that they're they were fooled something happens and everything shifts and changes though it that is when the victim has a chance to heal but then there's the other type that is so deeply gas-lit that if a person like me would say hey you know you've been gas-lit or this on the other they're gaslighting was so effective that they automatically believe that there's something wrong with me that you know therapists are all you know mentally ill or you know this or that that they don't even take the persons who's trying to rescue them opinion seriously because they have been effectively gas-lit to ignore them did your parents ever try to do that to you with a therapist or teachers or any other people that could have potentially rescued you yes yeah they framed the narrative where if I went to a psychologist and I saw over ten of them and I think only one of them understood narcissistic so they weren't that helpful in fact my own readings were more helpful in YouTube videos were but yeah my parents said that if I went to a psychologist they don't know what they're talking about it's just for extremely mentally ill people or it's for weak people so they they frame the narrative if you go to psychologists they can't help you or it's only for um it's it doesn't work um it's for crazy people and it's it's for and then they made it they framed in terms of a cultural thing they said it's only Americans do that so if you're not American then you then it's weird to go to psychologists that's just for Americans and and and that's just one of many techniques as long as they if the person that could out them is the most dangerous is the most dangerous to their efforts and the therapist is going to more often than not understand and witness the gaslighting and try to explain that to the victim and the gas lighters will do everything and anything they can to drill in the narrative that psychiatrists therapists they're all they care about is money they don't know what they're talking about you know or that the narrative you know Americans you know and this or that and that is the most important of all outside narratives because if you can't trust a doctor to help you you can't trust a teacher or a counselor they've trapped you and were you ever able to find well you'd actually you just answered it no you had to you had to look outside you know outside of the professional professional community onto YouTube or in books and and your urine exception and I want people who are listening and watching us to hear your story how much reading in research did it take for you before you kind of broke through and realized what was happening to you I think it was over ten years of research and it was actually the journey ironically began with me falling into their narrow and trying to fix myself so I actually lock stock and barrel was completely brainwashed and mind controlled and just thought okay I'm the problem now I'm gonna fix my anger problem I'm gonna fix why I'm so screwed up and so that's why I started reading the self-help books and then I graduated two different psychology books and and I was trying to fix whatever problem that I had and so when I was reading those books I started coming up to concepts like narcissism and I was like okay I might be a narcissist I'm an abuser and so I started reading books about that and then it was just there was a lot of cognitive dissonance in fact I was confused for years you know whether I was a problem or what was going on and of course you had to sort through all that stuff and you know for some people who don't know what cognitive dissonance is it's thoughts that sometimes are incompatible that don't make sense or that the result of the thinking makes you stressed or anxious and as long as they can inculcate or implant you know the narrative that there's something wrong with you and in and manipulate the environment to make sure that that happens anytime you would think that they're wrong or maybe there's a part of you that's good you're going to experience the cognitive dissonance of two conflicting thoughts that don't match and it sounds like you came out on the healthy side of that of that of that of that strategy instead of other people come out the gas-lit side where they finally give up and they agree with the narrative and that's there they're very just one more layer deeper so what are some of the other methods or strategies your parents did or your mother did in this gaslighting well I think she effectively switched my pain and pleasure signals through conditioning like what was painful was setting a boundary or expressing a need or want and if you're a healthy human being you should be able to express your needs and wants and have boundaries that's what it means to be a human and what was pleasurable was when I didn't set a boundary when other people were yelling at me and insulting me and I took it because if I did that then I wasn't abused more and so she was doing rewards if if I obeyed and complied and violated my own boundaries and disrespected myself and put myself in the one down position she would abuse me alas and she would call me a good daughter she would say that you're great and maybe even give me strategic gifts and if I was trying to be an autonomous human being she would punish me and that conditioning happened for years and it was outside my conscious awareness you know that's actually classic brainwashing where through coercive unless and very obvious strategies to beat someone down and change their opinion about something that otherwise was rational you think of the first studies in brainwashing occurred after the Korean War when China in North Korea would brainwash American soldiers they were able to take these you know wonderfully patriotic soldiers and brainwash them into believing America was horrible and communism was good they had to do something similar to what your parents did to you is they had to beat you down with reminders propaganda of what is right that you've always known as wrong and what do you think about that and does that sound what does that sound like what they did to you yeah it was as if I was raised in a cult and they couldn't have got to dictate reality and and made stuff up and got me to believe it and they were and like a cult the gas lighters use the same type of methodology they wear you down they they create an environment that tires you that depletes you and when you are tired and depleted and in the case of gas line you psychologically tired you then become vulnerable and you look to someone to help you and that is one you see that the demo looking at gas later as the person to whom you love who you believe is taking care of you and ultimately when you believe that you are completely gas lit because then you're going to protect it and stay loyal to the gas lighting it's very sick did they do that with other people in the family your mom and your dad mainly they did it to me because my brother is another manipulator and so he just fights with them and he's super aggressive and insults them back with profanity so he's he I was the only one so it's between me and him and my mom does do a smear campaign where she gossips about me but I was the main victim I was well you were chosen carefully the and that is why the oscillating in SL D D or codependency are intricately connected the narcissus gas later needs someone without self-love without self respect who doesn't know how to take care of themselves they need that person like the pedophile who wants to abuse a child they need a child who has no self esteem whose parents are just connected with them who won't reach out to some of them all they knew which child to get and you were the the most vulnerable victim and and you know if anything the gas lighters are afraid of people that can stand up for themselves and in some cases they cower down to them how did they treat how did they treat your brother well they treated him the same but he responded to it differently I remember he told me that he always believed my mom was a bad person and my dad and I didn't grow up believing that for 26 years of my life I thought they were just they love me in a weird way I didn't understand how they loved me it was kind of toxic and abusive but I'm like okay that's their version of love but he saw it differently he thought they were extremely manipulative and selfish and I think when he was young like young as six he was just like screw them and he never obeyed he constantly got physically beaten and I had to witness it and he just never complied and he just said like screw you and did whatever he wanted and fought with them and now he's out of the family or he's just doing whatever he wants so they so in other words your parents groomed you they knew early on that you for whatever reason had the right personality the right temperament to drink the kool-aid as they say to manipulate - to twist reality they they seized upon that and not only did they seize upon it they they were able to mold that and create this person this gas-lit person who succumbed to - the menagerie that that the tricks that the nightmare and again it just it just makes me think how much of a role model you are to those who are listening and watching that you figured it out and you escaped what were the consequences to your family relationships to finally break free from the gaslighting well i am i love away from my parents and i am effectively like my good character is smeared for my whole extended family which consists of like hunt a couple hundred people i just don't talk to them because they have a false characterization of me they think I'm a terrible person because my mom effectively convinced them that I was so there's nothing I can do about that I would have to counter manipulate that narrative and I don't want to do that that's a lot of time I that's not in my personality and temperament to just fight manipulation and be manipulative well I guess if it was I would I would I would try to convince you otherwise because that pulls you back into what I call the wrestling ring you know pigs love to wrestle in a wrestling ring and and they control people I got we got this from a George Bernard Shaw who said you know don't wrestle with pigs they love to get dirty and or something and they win all the time or something like that you can't win and and the reason I asked you was I wanted our audience to hear that the way that if you come from a that gaslights you like yours did and mind it there's only one option and that is to break free and to come to terms that you can't ever go back because the people that are still connected to your parents are very much aligned with the narratives and they could be in they there's different dyads of codependence and narcissists and that in this whole family system of yours there there's connections between the gasps later and the gasps lady and all of them make this dysfunctional family and the best you can do is to understand that there's nothing that they can give you that will make you a better person and that's like really sad to wrap your arms around what well what do you think yeah I agree I think that was my solution where I said that I need to completely extricate myself from this community and toxic dynamic even though it was all I known and I had to and I kind of self isolated for a few years I mean I had a friend or two but I wanted to know why I was surrounded by toxic people figuring out that like what was wrong with me and so that was a pretty lonely period and every time I did try to interact with anybody in my Senate family I think some of them were good people who are unintentionally supporting the narcissist because they had completely bought into what the lies were and so that's the human magnets in them playing out that remember the codependent narcissist that those are the dyads that comprised the family system you have a dysfunctional family system and the way it stays together are the narcissists codependent diets that comprise it and those are the people that aren't going to defend you yes I feel like they would just be henchmen and they would kind of rege ass like me and say that my mom does love me and I am NOT I'm not being reasonable enough I'm not being cooperative enough something is wrong with me so they would tell me that narrative so I had a yeah I had to leave and then just be by self and just learned how to socialize with different people yes and by leaving and socializing with other people was your way of escaping the bubble you think I don't know if you've ever seen a movie The Truman Show he literally wasn't but his whole life was in this this Hollywood made bubble and once he left there was no turning back you know I'm really glad that we got a chance to do this because I think that you have so much to offer you our YouTube community and your stories in your information and just just the example of rising above the impossible and making it really is a blessing to people who are watching and listening to your videos and and I have to say thank you for doing this video with me because I think it's going to get people another perspective of the insidious dangerous and horribly manipulative nature of gaslighting yeah I read your books and watch your YouTube videos and thank you for helping me have the tools to help extricate myself from a toxic dynamic and regain my life and have an opportunity to have healthy relationships so you know what that warms my heart because um you know I you know seventeen when I was 17 years old you know I was hospitalized because of drug abuse and is that a program and it was one therapist who introduced some ideas that I was actually a good kid and that went against what I thought I was and so I never stopped thinking that when I grow up I want to be that therapist who helps other people and so you just kind of reminded me why I kept went into this field so it's with great pleasure I say you're welcome and I and and don't don't underestimate your impact on people also your your a you're gonna if you're not already you should be a hero to people who are trapped who didn't know how to get free so you keep up the good work and I hope maybe you do another video together okay thank you so much for help clarifying this situation well you take care [Music] [Music] you

Channel: Ross Rosenberg

Views: 317,557

Keywords: gaslighting, gaslight, gaslighter, brainwashing, brainwasher, Jessica Jones, trauma bonding, ross rosenberg, how to escape gaslighting, sociopath gaslighter, codependent gaslighting, malignant narcissist, Stockholm syndrome, narcissistic mother, traumatic bonding, narcissistic abuse, Narcissistic parent, gaslighting explained, emotional abuse, what is gaslighting, gaslighting narcissist, how to stop gaslighting in a relationship, narcissistic abuse recovery, gaslighting psychology

Id: csk_Mv5DJFY

Length: 54min 38sec (3278 seconds)

Published: Thu May 03 2018