- [Narrator] I'm gonna share with you my personal break-up story,
so let's get into it. (dramatic rumble) When I was in the 10th grade
I met this beautiful girl named Nicky and I remember
she had long brown hair, dark brown eyes, she had
one of the warmest smiles that you could ever imagine. She really was the whole
package, she was smart, athletic, funny and the only reason
why I was even talking to her in the first place was
because she was my brother's girlfriend's best friend. And I didn't make a
move on her at that time because I had no
self-esteem or confidence. So I just placed myself
in the friend zone. I remember during that
first month of school so many guys wanted her but I remember two guys in particular who
really, really liked her. And they were the captains
of both the rugby team and the rowing team. And after she got to know
them she eventually ended up choosing the captain of the rowing team. And this guy was tall, he was a senior, he had blonde hair and blue eyes. He was a stereotypical good-looking guy. And during their relationship
Nicky and I became better and better friends
and she would tell me all the things that she didn't
like about Mr Blue Eyes. Like how he wasn't very caring,
he wasn't really that funny and he just wasn't that
great of a guy overall. And he also really didn't
like how much she was talking to me, which I honestly
don't really blame him for, I really was playing that
stereotypical guy friend who, you know, obviously secretly liked her. But after a couple of months
the novelty of Mr Blue Eyes wore off, and she broke up with him. And throughout this time her
and I became closer and closer but just as friends. And I usually don't really
like the fairytale stories like in movies where the
shy friend somehow ends up with the attractive girl,
but the more time we spent together the more we both
started to care for one another. And eventually she started
to get feelings for me, so I somehow, some way got
out of the friend zone. But despite the very
obvious signs of attraction that she was giving off I still
was a very unconfident kid and I simply was not able
to make a move on her. I didn't even know what making
a move entailed at that time. So she was the one who
ended up making a move on me and this move took place
on December 31st of 2009 over MSN Messenger. "Mitch, I have something to tell you." "What is it?" "I cannot really tell you over messenger." "Uh, yes you can, just type it in." "It's three words." "Is it, I love you?" "It's I love you, and I
have for a long time." And that is how we started dating, over MSN Messenger in 2009. And the next day we met up
and we went on our first official date. And from that day forward we
were basically inseparable. And for the next three years
we shared a lot of experiences together, we supported each
other as competitive athletes, we were there for each
other when tragedy struck, we had a lot of first times
together, and we would even talk about our futures. Like, we would sit there and
talk about marriage, kids, living together, and it
all just way too intense for a high-school relationship. Nicky was also a very talented
rower and she was offered many full-ride scholarships
to go to schools in the United States, which
was kind of a problem for us because I was planning on
going to school in Canada. And I remember at one point
she actually offered to stay in Victoria for our
relationship and to go to school with me, and as much as I did want this I knew she didn't really want that. So I actually encouraged her
to go away because I knew that is what was best for her. (dramatic rumble) And it's now at this point
in the story where things start to get a little interesting
and much, much more juicy. (dramatic rumble) Just before summer began, she
committed to going to school in the United States which
meant we were about to embark on the long-distance relationship. And something that I need
to mention is that Nicky had this friend who was also a
rower and his name was Liam. And Liam kind of played
a similar role as I did in the beginning of the story,
as being in the friend zone. But the difference between
him and I was that Liam would try to actively break
us apart because he was really into her and he really didn't like me. So when Liam found out about
us trying to do long-distance he saw that as an opportunity
to pounce on our relationship. And the reason why I know this is because I did something that
I'm really not proud of and it's something that
I'm pretty hesitant to even bring up because, you know,
it's pretty embarrassing. But I guess this is me
just being 100% transparent with you guys. So, this is what happened. One day, Nicky and I were
sitting beside each other on my bed and I see that
her phone was buzzing a lot. And I look over at it and I
saw all these long paragraphs. So I say to her, "Jeez,
who's writing, like, this "long essay to you?" And she says, "Oh, nothing,
it's just rowing stuff." And she really quickly puts the phone away but as she was doing that I
could see that the messages were from Liam. And then once she put her
phone away she started to act really weird and distant and quiet. And I had known her
for long enough to know when something was wrong, and
something was definitely wrong and she wouldn't tell me what it is. When Nicky left my house I
did something very shameful and I logged onto her Facebook account to see what was going on. And this is when something
absolutely crazy happened. Keep in mind, this is in
2011 and Facebook was still kind of new, and there were
still a few bugs on the website. When I logged onto her Facebook account she was also logged in and
I could see that she was in the middle of a conversation with Liam. But the weird part was that I could see everything that she was doing. So, imagine you are watching a
livestream of your girlfriend on Facebook and you could
see who she's writing with, you could see where she's clicking. You could see absolutely everything. But before I could really
see what they were writing she clicks out of the conversation,
goes to the chat history of her messages with Liam and deletes the entire conversation. And then 10 minutes later
I get a text from Nicky saying, "I need to talk
to you about something, "are you free tomorrow?" (dramatic rumble) And when I read that text
my heart sank, it was like my sixth sense was
telling me that something really bad was about to happen. I said, "Okay, meet me at 11 a.m." So the next day comes
around and I'm sitting on the bench at my park waiting for her, and I was just trying to
prepare myself for the worst, and then all of a sudden
I see her car pull up and the moment she got out of the car and made eye-contact with
me she bursts into tears. Like, I'm talking, tears
are rolling down her face. Her face is swollen and
then she runs up to me and gives me a big hug and
neither of us said anything for a long time. So after we both had calmed down a bit I asked her what was going on. And she told me that she
had come to break up with me and now that she was there
with me she couldn't do it. And she said to me that she
wasn't even sure even if she wanted to do it, which
made it even more clear that certain people, or a certain someone, was convincing her to do it. I'm not gonna go into too much detail about our conversation but the end result was Nicky not knowing what she wanted and we both were just really confused. After a few days of talking
we ended up deciding to stay together and to try long-distance. But after that day at that park something really
interesting happened to me. When she told me that she
was thinking of breaking up with me, the thought of a
future that didn't involve her was planted inside my brain. And over the next few months
that seed started to grow. Back then, I had this
huge fear of losing Nicky and being alone, we
both had relied so much on each other for our
positive emotions, like love and happiness, and I think
we both were really scared that we wouldn't be able
to find someone better if we broke up, and this was
especially a problem for me. But when my fear of being
alone and losing her became a reality I realized
that it wasn't as bad as I thought. Now, of course I was
still really upset and sad and probably borderline
depressed at this time. But I was still alive and
breathing, and I think a lot of people today are scared that they're not going to be able to go on and live their life if
they lose a certain person. Most people today get into
relationships based on fear. We fear the thought of being alone or we fear the thought
of being 40 years old and being that weird,
older person at that bar still looking for love. And we fear this so much
that most of us end up settling for someone who we
may not even be the right match for, or maybe we'll get to the
arbitrary age of, say, 30 and then we decide it's time to get married. And we just stay with the
person we are with at that time because it's convenient. In my video about how I became popular I briefly talked about
taking responsibility for your emotions. If you are not experiencing
happiness, love and self-worth from just being by yourself
then finding a partner is not going to solve this. It could give you a temporary
happiness, maybe even as long as five or ten years,
but those toxic, dependent roots will still remain inside you. So if you're still watching
this, ask yourself, why do I want a relationship? Or if you're already with
someone ask yourself, why am I with this person? And be really honest with
yourself, because I really do believe you can't
have a great relationship if it's based around fear. If you wanna learn how
to get over a breakup then click the link on the
screen to my worst breakup video and I'll see ya there.
