Heya guys, want to treat yourself this holiday season with some online safety? Use the code DOMICS at NordVPN.com/DOMICS for 75% off for a 3 year plan. And for a limited time, also get an extra month for free. *the aftermath of too much maple syrup* *A DOMICS ANIMATIONS* Is it just me or has it been breakup season lately? Ew. There never really seems to be a good time to break up. You're probably in the middle of deciding on when to break things off right now. But something's delaying it, whether it's a concert you two planned on going to for a while, but it would be too much trouble to resell the tickets, or you're being considerate and waiting until exams are over so it won't affect their studies, But the reality is there's never a good time. It's not some 9 a.m. appointment you can schedule next month. You do it soon or you do it later... ...and the longer you wait, the harder it gets to do it. I consider one of the poorest ways of breaking up is acting like an asshole so you force them to break up with you instead because you're too much of a coward to get your hands a little dirty. You manipulate the situation so that you become the dumpee instead; you become the victim making them the villain. What this does is it allows you to gain the sympathy of others who don't fully know the story from both perspectives or true reasoning of the break-up... and that sympathy helps you justify this ugly method of ending a relationship. ...and that sympathy helps you justify this ugly method of ending a relationship. This is how grudges are born man. So, how do you do it? How do you just tell someone? "Yeah, you know what Cindy? I don't think I want to do this anymore." I mean you could.. Best-case scenario is they mutually agree with you and it's a clean transaction you both admit. You don't see things eye-to-eye, you don't have the same sense of humor, her father's racist, or you're just staying together for the sake of being in a relationship, and not because you're actually in love with each other. But let's say you two aren't on the same page. It's way more difficult to convince the other party to comply with your decision While my past video "You Should Probably Break Up" focused on the red flags in a relationship I want to talk more about the inevitability of some relationships ending. These are the couples whose red flags they chose to ignore in the beginning or partners who've just matured separately and have become different people. Proving to be incompatible with each other. Things aren't always in our control and that holds true for people's mindsets when being in a relationship. Most people don't really plan ahead when starting their commitment to a person, they don't usually decide right away that yes this person right here will be my fully committed partner for all eternity including future incarnations. No, you kind of just date people to discover what kind of people you're compatible with, and when you find out you're not What's the solution? ʸᵒᵘ ᵇʳᵉᵃᵏ ᵘᵖ A lot of people who have fallen out of love and remain in their relationships choose to stay because to put it simply: it's comfy! There isn't really a catalyst for a breakup, no one cheated on anyone, it's just been a slow burn over the years about little things that added up. But you've invested all this time into each other's lives that it's just too much trouble to cut ties and deal with the aftermath. You live with each other so how do you decide who moves out, who keeps the dog so how do you decide who moves out, who keeps the dog your friends and family have known you two to be inseparable, so it seems beyond impossible to imagine you two breaking up. It's just so much pressure It seems like a lot of work, but know that it's even more work to maintain a disingenuous relationship Best-case scenario, you can stay friends. You just got to convince the next person you're dating that you're still living with your ex and they have nothing to worry about. If you're gonna break things off with someone do their next partner a favor by doing your ex a favor and be clear about the reasons why you're breaking up with them. Just because you're done with them doesn't mean the world is. All relationships are learning experiences and it's so common for exes to emotionally scar each other so deeply that they're incapable of opening their doors to anyone new. Sometimes it can be really difficult to have a blank slate with new relationships, I get it and old habits tend to carry over from the previous. But if we're supposed to learn from our mistakes, then we deserve to know what they are, even if we don't initially agree with them you guys remember my fourth breakup story about how we ended really abruptly when I was convinced that everything was good and dandy... ...but they weren't. The breakup came out of nowhere. There was no discussion about it, her decision was made and I had no choice but to respect it and so my self-esteem plummeted. I tried to appear okay on the outside, but I was really broken inside. I had this looming cloud of sadness for my whole final year of university. It was so distracting that I almost hope that she just admitted to cheating on me because I was convinced that it's much easier to move on from someone when you hate them, but I didn't get an explanation. I was left wondering and didn't get closure - So I didn't know how to feel towards her and how to move on kind of like if you're watching a movie and just cut It Midway you really don't know how to feel about the movie because you didn't get the conclusion and you're left with unanswered questions. Was it a good movie? I don't know. Was it a good relationship? I don't know! Better late than never Karen or whatever name I gave her in the story actually contacted me years later. Years after I made the video. It obviously caught me off guard, but I tried to handle the conversation maturely. She apologized for what she put me through and admitted that the break-up was handled very poorly. She was young and didn't know what to do at the time We talked for a bit and I finally got my explanation. I got my closure I really didn't care too much about the details of the explanation, I already spent years after the breakup theorizing what it could be that it wasn't all that surprising I just really respected her maturity and approaching me about her situation. Something that was way in the past and kind of unnecessary for her to do because of the time that's passed. I wanted to hear it directly from her instead of from my thoughts, and I greatly appreciate that she did. No, we're not friends again She made it clear that the purpose of the conversation was simply to give me the explanation that I deserved. It wasn't a rekindling of a friendship and weirdly enough I was okay with it. Not at first, but it made sense to me afterwards. We became strangers again and it wasn't sad. The common problem with most failed relationships is that both parties usually have no idea what they're getting themselves into. They have a raging amount of passion going into it and they expect the relationship to match their...fantasies... ...and they handle it poorly when it doesn't. The majority of us aren't lucky enough to find our soulmate right away on the first try. The majority of us have exes! ...some more than others- *coughs* And the fact that exes exist means that most relationships fail. Oh, man, that's a sad fact. And a lot of us have definitely not been properly equipped to maturely handle breakups when we were young. I'm not saying to be ready for a breakup when getting into a relationship. That's uh, that's kind of messed up. It's kind of pessimistic. Just try to develop the empathy and a level head for dealing with problems when they arise. It's real easy to make decisions fueled by emotion and it's very often that they lead to undesired outcomes. I like to think that if you use Emotions as fuel it's kind of like driving a car that you can't steer. Oha ha ha, good luck with that.... No one likes going through a breakup, but it's something we all got to learn how to deal with. Thank you for listening to my PSA, I'm sorry if your partner breaks up with you later tonight. hU- Big thanks to Nord VPN for being a sponsor of the channel. Exes can mess you up real good, but Nord.. Nord's got your back. Surf the web with piece-of-mind by using my code DOMICS at NordVPN.com/DOMICS for 75% off a 3 year plan and for a short time get an extra month for free! VPNs (Virtual Private Networks) are a great way to protect your privacy and security online, allowing you to browse the net anonymously with absolutely no data logging using military-grade encryption They have thousands of servers in over 60 countries, the software itself is lightweight and has a user-friendly interface and you can virtually be wherever you want to be without actually being there! Even if you're not traveling you can never be too safe when connecting to public networks. 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