Brother in law ditched my pregnant wife in a snowstorm

i've been together with my wife since the last year of college and we currently have two beautiful kids in my book family always comes first no matter what so if family needs you you drop what you got and you make them your priority that's just how i've been brought up this also includes all of our parents and siblings i am a little bit of a handyman and usually get called up when someone has to get something done whatever it would be building a new porch repair a barn deforest an area babysitting relatives kids and so on my brother-in-law my wife's sister's husband on the other hand never lends out a hand he works with i.t and isn't good with tools but really excels in softwares and opting systems he is in good health has no illnesses that affect him in any way my wife grew up on a farm so there is always something my father-in-law wants some help with usually when we gather the family's men for a day of work at his farm it all ends with beers sauna and a big dinner everyone turns up for work except my brother-in-law instead he arrives for the food and beer when the work is finished he has on several occasions in the sauna proudly said that since he hasn't asked someone for help no one could ask him for help either my in-laws ask for help this way perhaps one day a month and it would seem that they are fine with this and has stopped asking him for help since it's been clear he doesn't want to help it bothers me that he just takes it for granted wouldn't have worked on my side of the family this makes my blood boil but i keep my mouth shut since no one seems to be bothered by this nor would i want to make things hard for my wife and her family you're right blood boils is a strong saying sounds maybe a little too harsh but i would be inclined to say it bugs me to the point that it feels like i could either laugh or cry when i see him note i have my own company which takes me all around the country and during the occasion that i described below i was away on such a business trip i got a big contract out of nowhere and hurried to make things in order on site so i could get home since my wife was pregnant and soon was due last fall during my wife's pregnancy with our youngest she was doing a physical examination with her midwife at the hospital in a town near where we live nothing serious just some minor issues with the kids position in the womb during her visit a snowstorm rolled in and pretty much buried the town and her pickup we live up north so it's pretty common with snow early in october but we usually get by with our pickup fairly easy this storm came out of nowhere and took the county off guard in my hurry for the trip we missed changing tires on our pickup truck that's completely on me not blaming brother-in-law for that when she walked outside she noticed the huge amount of snow she realized that she wouldn't be able to make the trip home if she wanted to get home she had to change to the winter tires i had stacked back on the truck but since she was eight months pregnant she couldn't do it herself and therefore needed assistance she called our brother-in-law for help since he and my wife's sister live in town he works on commissions and were home at the time this was the fastest way to get home in my wife's mind at the time you guys are absolutely right that she could have called aaa for help but at that moment she just didn't make that connection to do so taking a taxi wouldn't be possible in our rural area of the country she then would have to wait a couple of hours nothing she felt like doing when he picked up the phone he said he didn't feel like helping her he instead offered her that he instead could drive downtown and give her instructions on how to change the tires my wife told him that she already knew how to do it and the issue was that she weren't able to do it because of the state in the pregnancy she was in my brother-in-law then told her that he still wouldn't help her out he then said good luck and hung up luckily a friend of ours called him gary was dropping his wife off for work at the hospital and offered to help my wife out thanks to gary my wife made the trip back home again brother-in-law didn't have any hidden motive of why he declined her help we have a good relationship and haven't had a falling out with neither my wife's sister or her husband and yes she could have went inside the hospital again but gary happened to notice my wife and offered to help when the news about the storm arrived at the part of the country i were in i instantly felt worried and bad for not having changed the tires earlier that week before i went away so i called and asked how the trip went she mentioned that gary helped her out and she came home safely i was relieved that she was okay and haven't thought about this since yesterday i overheard my wife talking over the phone with her best friend about the event i described with the brother-in-law i went from calm to furious in seconds after she ended the call i immediately confronted her about what i overheard she told me she was afraid that i would do something bad to him and therefore didn't tell me the whole story she then told me i'm not allowed to do anything that could destroy our relationship with her family me and my wife have great relationship we love each other and i wasn't furious with her i was furious on the fact that brother-in-law didn't help her out in that particular situation we have met several times since then and it feels so wrong now i just want to confront him and tell him what i really think about his egocentric personality of course i don't want to destroy my wife's relationship either feels like i would blow up if i met him now and i tell you that it wouldn't be a good blowout next weekend we are seeing each other for the first time since i got to know about this not helping that brother-in-law isn't the thing that makes me get upset it's the fact that he didn't help my pregnant wife how should i approach this reddit how do i keep a relationship with sister-in-law and brother-in-law without destroying or go against my wife's request my fiance and i have been together for almost 10 years we met as teenagers and have gone through many firsts together he's a sweet and humble guy who is loved by everyone except there's one problem my in-laws are driving me nuts buckle yourselves in and enjoy this tragic tale my fiance sister and i used to be close friends however once i started dating her brother it was like i became enemy number one i essentially took away her little brother and from then on whenever we couldn't hang out with her it was completely my fault his sister would constantly blow up her brothers 18 years old at the time phone asking when he was going to be home so they can sleep with each other what he found this odd but just claimed she was lonely she wrote a whole facebook post about how she hated me and that i was terrible for her brother then she began to blackmail me and threatened to send my dad provocative pictures of me and her brother to get me to back off i didn't take that very well so i called her and gave her a verbal lashing after the conversation she called their dad and told him i was bullying her dad began to dislike me after that one of our mutual friends went out to lunch with the sister and my fiance then phoned me afterwards to say she felt uncomfortable the whole time because the sister kept trying to sit on her brother's lap it was all very weird and my fiance didn't know what to tell her to back off a few months passed and by then the sister began to try to hook her friend up with my fiance while we were together another couple of years go by with many issues in between the sister is constantly asking my fiance for money to buy her new boyfriend's lavish gifts and berates him when he refuses at one point she asked for 500 to buy another boyfriend a tv and when i said no she told her parents that i manipulated her brother the boyfriend dumped her two weeks later she expects my fiance to buy her whatever she wants for her birthdays and christmas but never gets him anything in return except two years ago she bought him a sweater from old navy she and her new boyfriend recently moved into their parents home but he pays for her dentist bill the internet bill and recently bought her an expensive router after she complained he was hogging the internet the sister had to quit five different jobs within the past three years because she can't get along with her co-workers one girl even keyed her car when we revealed we were getting married she had nothing but negative things to say she is close to her family and has spread vicious lies about me to everyone so i am always receiving the evil eye here now let's move on to the mother a year after we started dating i walked into the kitchen where my future mother-in-law was washing dishes she had her back to me and did not know i was there when she asked her son where his w was referring to me my fiance made an indignant sound so his mom turned around saw me and went pale white she gasped how very sorry she was and begged me to forgive her i smiled weekly and told her it was okay for mother's day i bought her a bouquet of flowers and the next day when i came over she had them in the trash can his mother is not religious and i was brought up by a relaxed catholic family but whenever we bring up marriage she cackles and pushes the fact we'll never be able to marry in church because her son is not baptized once my fiance my mother and i went to visit one of his uncles but it was a nightmare we were having dinner and his daughter-in-law walked in halfway through she was on the heavy side but she was a very sweet girl he asked her if she was hungry and she said no he responded what do you mean look at you of course you're hungry poor girl looked like she was about to burst into tears and my heart went out to her 20 minutes later and the uncle also commented to me in front of my mother that i looked well fed and it would be beneficial for me to lose some weight i was chubby but definitely not fat his parents have never been there for my fiance they never celebrated his birthday and when i made him a cake our first year together poor guy burst into tears since then my family always throws him parties my family tries to make him feel included and like one of us but his family hates it when he hangs out with us his mother does not cook and since he was a little boy they've always given him money to buy fast food my mom likes to make him home-cooked meals but his family blames him for turning their backs on him my fiancee has been on a sports team for over five years but his family has never not once showed up to his games my parents and cousins are known for showing up to support my fiance and are well acquainted with his teammates his parents don't even know the names of his best friends while my whole family have had them hang around now in here lies the problem my fiance wants us to go visit his family tomorrow about six hours away and i am absolutely dreading it they're awful to us they gossip about us and once we're there they completely ignore us but if we don't go my husband is made out to be public enemy number one the worst part is my fiance never sticks up for me and when i do say something back i end up being the bad guy i don't want to put him in an uncomfortable situation having to make him choose but i can't deal with this negativity for the rest of my life what are some things you guys have done to cope i have no idea what to do and the nerves are driving me nuts sorry for such a long post but it feels good to get this off my chest wish me luck my husband and i have had some tension between us lately this tension comes from the differences in our families and my dislike for his side of the family i was raised by what i would consider a good family social liked by most helpful in the community not wealthy but hard working and had a middle class lifestyle and clean homes i was raised to treat everyone nicely to be a pleasant guest when in someone else's home and to respect the beliefs and boundaries of others my husband's family on the other hand is the complete opposite they're nice people and i love them for their unique personalities not everyone has to be like me for me to like them i take them with a grain of salt and when i'm at their house i make the best of their lifestyle they all smoke inside which makes me sick but in their house that is their choice when they come to my house they expect to do the same which i let slide but i find it rude they have a handful of large dogs which have the run of their house again i'm a guest in their home and i make the best of it and ignore the smell and the copious amounts of dog hair when they come to visit us along come their two overweight basset hounds which i greet with a smile on my face when i ask that they didn't let them on the couch which is brand new and pretty expensive i was ignored and told that their dogs won't be treated that way again i let it slide they're guests and will be gone in a few days his father drinks from sun up to sundown and is a fairly harmless drunk just more on the annoying side when it comes to staying up until sunrise with the radio blaring and no regard for anyone's need for sleep i'm ocd and try to keep a clean house and i'm very careful with my belongings because i don't want to break things when he's over i'm very nervous that something is going to get broken and i try to keep things put away it may be inappropriate to say but i feel like i have to watch him like a toddler that wants to play with everything in sight a few weeks ago my husband and i drove seven hours to visit his parents sister and grandmother for a few days they all live in a crowded single wide trailer that smells like smoke and dog again i don't say anything that is their lifestyle and i'm a guest my husband was raised this way and sees nothing wrong with it and i'm high class and think i'm better than everyone if i mention my discomfort i tried keeping to myself this go-round as his dad and i had a pretty bad argument during his last solo visit to our house i lost my ability to stay silent after a day of hauling him around all day to drink and him changing our plans on us repeatedly he lost his cool with me when i asked that we get this show on the road at around 6 pm since he wanted us to go to his friend's house to have a cookout and my husband and i had plans for 9am the next day i explained that we needed to go ahead and go so we could be back at a decent time so i could get to bed he threw a fit and decided he didn't want to go anymore because he didn't want to be told what to do or to be on someone's schedule mind you i had been on his schedule all weekend that's when i lost my mind he called me a bee i called him an a-hole he left whatever like i said i kept to myself at their house day two in west virginia i'm greeted with a truce i wouldn't call it an apology but more or less let's put it all behind us for my husband's sake i agree everything is going good we have dinner my husband and father-in-law are on the front deck and me and his mom are inside in the living room we can hear what's going on outside and the two of them start in on a heated debate about rumors father-in-law is siding with an ex-friend of ours who he still drinks with that says he has s with me supposedly this friend is about 50 years old 300 pounds and drinks so much i highly doubt that he would be able to have s even if he wanted to at one point we were all good friends until we cut him out of our lives because of unnecessary drama anyway father-in-law will not let up and starts calling my husband a liar eventually this argument leads to my father-in-law trying to fight my husband then my husband starts arguing back fast forward a few minutes a father-son fight is taking place on the front deck i have enough and try to break it up by h my father-in-law in the head trying to break the seaholt he has on my husband's neck father-in-law grabs me by my hair and slams my face into the porch sits on me and continues fighting my husband at this point i am beyond mad my glasses are knocked from my face my arm is skinned everyone is yelling including me i'm ready to leave i find my glasses and tell father-in-law what a worthless sack of crap he is for fighting his son and i get laughed at i walk inside and sit on the couch with mother-in-law who is shaking her head in shame while we apologize to one another for yelling at each other in the midst of this suddenly the arguing starts again father-in-law tells my husband he's bad at his job he makes twice what father-in-law does how i'm a w how he made a mistake moving in with me and countless other hurtful things about my husband me and our relationship a fistfight ensues yet again at this point i pack our belongings and load up the car i wait about an hour and ask my husband if he's ready he says he and father-in-law are good now and father-in-law laughs it all off saying they needed to have a good fight knowing it's late i lay in bed and try to sleep the next day we load up ready to go everyone is laughing about last night and i pretend everything is okay we leave i break down about 20 miles up the road my husband tries to make me think this is normal and not to be upset i'm having a hard time it's been a few weeks since this incident and it's causing problems between my husband and i i have a hard time being positive about his family because his dad treated me horribly his sister has stolen from me repeatedly and is now pregnant chain smokes constantly doesn't have a job and expects handouts from everyone i've worked multiple jobs since i was 14 and now my husband asks that i stay home i'm very lucky to have a husband that can take care of us and it took a lot of convincing for me to stop working i have problems with disrespect and laziness my husband doesn't see my point of view and i've tried to just give him the option to go visit his family while i stay home but he doesn't see why i can't just suck it up and go with him our totally different backgrounds are starting to become a problem and i feel bad for my disgust towards his family i love his mom she's really kind but takes her husband's side understandably i've even been good to his sister and the rest of the family i just feel that it's time that i step back and keep my distance because it's causing me extreme depression what do i do do i accept this toxic behavior will my husband ever realize that his family is toxic or are they not toxic and my standards are too high

Channel: Ask Girl

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Keywords: reddit girl, reddit, r/girl, r/askreddit, askreddit girl, reddit pregnant, reddit brother in law, reddit in laws, reddit mil, r/justnomil, r/pregnant, reddit justnomil, justnomil, askreddit, askreddit justnomil, askreddit mil

Id: 2FHIZVOnQbU

Length: 18min 49sec (1129 seconds)

Published: Mon Mar 08 2021